Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240713

Sentenced to seven to nine years in prison for lying to congress. Then today, the department of justice issued a statement calling for much less prison time for stone and trump said that he had the right to tell the Justice Department what to do. Then all four prosecutors in the stone case resigned in protest and then, trump called for the military to pursue legal action against Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman for testifying against him in the impeachment trial. And Senate Republicans blocked three bills to prevent foreign interference in our elections. And Lindsey Graham and don junior showed up on fox news in matching trump merch. [ light laughter ] i guess what im telling you is, by this time tomorrow we might be a cooking show. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause multipsigned today after the jue department announced plans to reduce their sentencing recommendation for former trump adviser roger stone. Pretty unsurprising for someone who looks like the get out of jail free card [ laughter and applause former you know former new york mayor Mike Bloomberg is facing backlash after old audio resurfaced in which he defended police for targeting minority neighborhoods. Saying, quote, thats where all of the crime is. Which is definitely wrong because this was around when you were mayor [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause right there. Hot bed of crime during an event this weekend, former Vice President joe biden responded to a question about his electability by calling a woman a, quote, lying dogfaced pony soldier. But dont worry, it was just a joke that nobody understood because hes 100 [ laughter ] voting in todays New Hampshire primary started at midnight last night in the 12person town of Dixville Notch Dixville Notch is also what joe biden called a voter that disagreed with him [ laughter ] ill pop you in the kisser, you dirty Dixville Notch. [ laughter ] the Justice Department is being criticized, following a report that it gave over 1 million to unfamiliar nonprofit organizations, including one called hookers for jesus [ light laughter ] said trump, you had me at hookers, and lost me at jesus. [ laughter and applause i was with you and then, you lost me. According to a new survey, the best place to be proposed to is in central park. While the worst is, in the butt. [ laughter ] im legally required to do one joke the writers insist on [ laughter ] a new report has found that 61 of couples have gone on a vacation with their partner in an effort to reignite the romance. Though you dont have to mention that in the caption. [ laughter ] lawmakers in virginia passed legislation last week to overturn a victorianera law that prohibited premarital sex and now, they have to change the name [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause an extremely rare grand piano worth nearly 200 thousand was destroyed last week after movers dropped it while taking it out of a Recording Studio in berlin. Said a regular piano, not so grand anymore, are you . [ light laughter ] in the butt. [ laughter ] and finally, according to a new study, taking viagra can cause blurry vision. So, now, melania has also started using it for sex [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight he hosted saturday night live for the first time last weekend and is the emmywinning host of rupauls drag race. Returning for a 12th season, february 28th on vh1 rupaul is back, you guys [ cheers and applause she is the founder of the National Voting Rights Organization, fair fight Stacey Abrams is back on the show tonight [ cheers and applause and she is a fantastic comedian whose latest special weakness is the brand is available on multiple platforms Maria Bamford is here tonight, you guys [ cheers and applause the democrats have held eight debates already. But i think theres still a lot of important questions left unanswered, so we decided to hold another one thats right, all seven qualifying candidates are right here, right now, and theyre ready to go. So, without further ado, heres the late night democratic president ial debate. [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the late night 2020 democratic president ial debate. Im your moderator, seth meyers. Lets get started. Vice president biden, how would you describe the status of your campaign at this point without friends, without support, without allies. [ laughter ] seth senator sanders, i heard you dont like the term, boomers. What do you call them . Young people. [ laughter ] seth Vice President , whats the one sentence that strikes fear into everyone when youre playing pickup basketball in the capitol . Ruth Bader Ginsburg is on the court. [ laughter ] seth senator klobuchar, where do all of the staffers you fire end up . 1,500 feet underground. [ laughter ] seth Vice President biden, be honest, whens the last time you smoked a doob . I took a hit in iowa. Ill probably take a hit here. Seth my man. [ laughter ] [ applause ] senator klobuchar, what do you think about people who applaud when the airplane lands . We should prosecute those people [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth mayor buttigieg, what would you say to joe biden, if you visited the grand canyon together senator klobuchar, you claim that one of your biggest strengths is your sense of humor, give me a hilarious punch them like doritos. [ laughter ] seth i dont get it. [ laughter ] senator warren, whats the best way to avoid getting mugged on the subway put your money where your mouth is [ laughter ] seth Vice President biden, i heard that when beto orourke dropped out, he gave you his skateboard how did that work out . I busted my neck. [ laughter ] seth senator klobuchar, how many times is lionel richies lover a lady not once, not twice, but three times. [ laughter ] seth mayor buttigieg, what do you call your fists murder and mayhem [ laughter ] seth senator warren, what did you do on your fifth birthday i started my grownup life. [ laughter ] seth Vice President biden, peek at the rest if it go to joebiden. Com, youll see the whole deal [ laughter and applause seth dotcom . In 1973, this buffalo bill nicknamed the juice, became the first player to rush for 2 thousand yards in a season [ buzzer ] who is a terrible murderer . [ light laughter ] seth correct [ laughter ] [ applause ] senator klobuchar, complete this lyric from 2 live crew face down, ass up that is the best way to do it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause seth close enough. Mayor buttigieg, where is mickey mouse . On my watch [ laughter ] seth looks like we have time for one more question. Vice president biden, you went to college in a time before free contraceptive programs what happened back then when you hooked up . What happened we pulled out. Seth well [ laughter and applause it looks like were out of time. So, on behalf of all the candidates, have a good night. Well be right back with rupaul, everybody. [ cheers and applause adventure. To reconnect and be together. 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[ cheers and applause and back with us tonight is the drummer for Country Music legend, shania twain, whose lets go residency in las vegas has dates scheduled throughout the year. For more information, be sure to follow their instagram elijahwoodmusic elijah wood, everybody thank you so much for being with us [ cheers and applause our first guest tonight is an actor, recording artist, iconic drag queen and emmy winning host of the hit reality show rupauls drag race, which returns for its 12th season february 28th on vh1 lets take a look. Welcome to the main stage of nicki minajs drag race. [ laughter ] and im so glad youre here. Young money in the house her anaconda do. Michelle visage. You should know what my anaconda do. [ laughter ] style superstar carson kressley, you ready i am ready to pound the alarm. [ laughter ] even though ive never pounded anything in my life. Seth please welcome back to the show, rupaul, everybody. [ cheers and applause oh, my goodness seth welcome back. Thank you thank you. Its good to be in the building. Seth in the building you were here, we were talking backstage. An absolutely triumphant snl on saturday. I had a lot of fun. [ cheers and applause seth it was wonderful. It was great. It was fun seth you seemed very comfortable, very confident, which is, of course, how were used to seeing you did you have butterflies, though no. You know, i was telling the cast, you know, its only tv seth yeah. Just television you know, actually, ive been doing television for 38 years. I started my career in atlanta, georgia, on Public Access television. Seth wow and that was and you know, anybody who had a camera could get on television. But you know, its funny, what you were doing earlier with the remember in the 70s, they used to do those disc jockeys on radio, used to do those mashups, where they would have answers. Seth yes is that where you got that from seth no. We invented it [ laughter ] its very unique and original to us and we did not know that was a thing. Well, no. You know, i think its 73, i got my first panasonic tape recorder and i used to make those things where they would have, you know, superman versus batman seth right, sure and nixon answers they were big hits on the radio stations seth what was your 38 years ago what was your Public Access show in atlanta well, it wasnt mine. It was called the American Music show in atlanta, georgia. And you know, when cable came along, they had to allot a certain amount of channels for the public because the cable stations were using public ground and wiring and stuff. Seth yeah. So, anybody could have a television show. And you know, here in new york, remember the old robin byrd show. Yeah, i do remember the robin byrd show, yes yes yes. I think a lot of kids may remember that. Seth yes it was an education, yeah. [ laughter ] so, you know, thats what i was doing. Seth so you came to new york from atlanta yeah. And you sort of alluded to in your snl monologue, it was an interesting time to be in new york that had a lot of great elements in the 80s and 90s [ laughter ] because some people would say new york has been cleaned up but there was a part of new york that obviously was exciting and dangerous. Well, no, but when i came here in the 1980s [ laughter ] no, it was still it was still dirty and fun. Seth yeah. It was so much fun. But you know, giuliani it wa up and i had left the scene by then i do but seth you know what, we might manage to clean it up now. Were not going to take it on when rupaul is here. [ laughter ] no, but you know, actually, when i got famous, thats when the drag fun ended for me, honestly because you know, i couldnt terrorize yalls neighborhoods anymore. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] because i became the face of drag, darling, yes seth quite a burden, i would imagine. Yes it is well, you know, i had to act nice and christian and everything as much as i could [ light laughter ] seth well, i genuinely mean this by acting that way, you have created this world, now, in its 12th season. This is a show that i think must have been hard for you to conceive in the 80s and 90s. This is a show that people watch with their families. Yes yeah seth this is a very it is a really fun, entertaining show with people being, you know, kind and supportive. And that was was that the world you knew in the 80s and 90s that people from the outside would never have imagined yeah, well, no. You know, listen, drag has never been really for consumption for everybody. Drag is dangerous. Its politically incorrect its meant to provoke different ideas. But the fact that its become this semimainstream thing is mindblowing in fact, on drag race, we have two premieres this season. You get to see the first bunch of girls in episode one. And the second bunch of girls, we say girls we use that term loosely, okay . [ laughter ] in the second episode. Seth thats really exciting. Youre also doing live. You have a live version in vegas . At the flamingo hotel, theres a live version of drag race, which is great. I also have a master class which is coming out very soon. And it is mind blowing if you want to do drag, if you want to understand what its about, you got to see my master class. [ laughter ] yeah [ cheers and applause its really good seth i need to do that i also have a line of watches id like to introduce you to [ light laughter ] seth you saw nicki minaj there. Nicki minaj seth you obviously have these celebrity guest judges do you have other fun ones planned for this season . We have a lot and you know, because im an elderly gentleman, i dont remember anyone. Seth perfect i dont know any of them. Seth well just assume theyre there and having a fun time [ laughter ] youre married three years, to your husband, george yeah. But weve been together since, i think, after the korean conflict, we got together. [ laughter ] i cant believe you guys know what the korean conflict is. [ laughter ] you know, young kids, i saw the backstreet seth by the way, theres one happening right now. [ light laughter ] there is. Thats probably what they thought. I saw the Backstreet Boys in the elevator coming up here. And my page, and i started singing show me the meaning of being lonely and the page i was with, he had no idea what that song was seth yeah. And i was like, that is max martin, one of the greatest pop songs of alltime. Show me the meaning of being lonely seth well here we go well get a little bit better here yes, yes. Oh, my goodness. Anyway, korean conflict, yeah. [ laughter ] seth where did you meet . Because this is again, preapps, preinternet i met george at the limelight disco right down the street, on the dance floor. [ cheers and applause seth there you go. Yeah. It was i met him on his birthday in 1994 and we have been dancing ever since. Seth thats wonderful. Yes [ audience aws ] [ applause ] not just dancing seth he has a ranch in wyoming. Yes seth you also hit the ranch. And just a reminder that you can really you can fit in anywhere, you look very ranchy here [ laughter ] i mean, that is very ranch trust me, im the only one in probably a 50mile radius wearing westernwear in wyoming seth yeah. You know, its true i took the opportunity to put on because i love clothes i love all that stuff. Seth of course and this is, like, my westernwear drag but no one else in wyoming is wearing these clothes. Seth thats really funny no one else. No. [ laughter ] seth how did you come up with the persona because i imagine when you went to the world of drag, thats a big decision that you live with. Like any name you give yourself. Yeah, well listen i was telling someone earlier, you know, ive always been ambitious. And ive always liked to look under the hood, to see how things actually work so i knew that if i was going to do drag and make it to above 14th street, so to speak, i had to calculate the image and what i did was i had one part dolly parton to two parts cher, one part david bowie and a big heaping spoonful of diana ross seth yeah. And then, i took and this is scientific. And i took the subversive sexuality out of my persona. So that betty and joe beercan can invite me into their living room and you know what . It worked. [ cheers and applause seth it worked it worked seth and what about the name rupaul is my real name. And i tell all the kids, if you are getting into show business, do not use your real name. Because it winds up on all of your public records. Oh, at the Gynecology Office oh, miss rupaul . Is miss rupaul here . [ laughter ] and im like, oh, my goodness. Its my real name. Seth yeah. My mother named me that moth mother and father from louisiana. And the roux in a gumbo, its spelled differently, but the roux is how you the base of a so she wanted to put her culture in there so its rupaul seth thats fantastic. She probably had no idea what a highly marketable name she was giving you oh, no, she did seth she did she did when she was pregnant with me, this is before ultrasound. She went to a psychic who said, youre going to have a boy and hes going to be famous. Seth really . Yeah. So i grew up thinking, how am i going to get famous . [ laughter ] i have to figure this out. One part dolly parton. Two parts [ laughter ] seth yeah, yeah. Yeah. Seth i would hope i hope that psychic, for the rest absolutely [ cheers and applause true story. Seth that psychic should have had outside their store, predicted rupaul yeah. Seth called it when rupaul was still in the womb. Right, right. Seth if i dip my toe into drag, what would be a good drag name for me . If you dont keep your own name . Well, you know what happens is that when you get into your drag, the energy that you emit, emote, dictates what your name is seth yeah. So you never know and thats why i see everyone boy, girl, everyone should get into drag so you can find out what that energy is. It will surprise you but you know, theres lots of names. Seth yeah. You know, if you add sirlady in front of anything, its going to be a good name. Seth yeah. You know, it could be sirlady desktop. [ laughter ] seth yeah, oh, i like that its just really good seth yes, sirlady plus, then, i could be in drag under the desk, which is great because my legs do not look good [ laughter ] thats right, and you dont have to talk seth yeah, that would be really nice. Which would be really good. Seth yeah. Hey, thank you so much congrats again on saturday cant wait for the new season. Thank you [ cheers and applause seth we really appreciate it rupaul 12th season of rupauls drag race premieres february 28th on vh1. Well be right back with Stacey Abrams. [ cheers and applause dramatic choir music dramatic choir music dramatic choir music its the rush of relaxation. Introducing the allnew lincoln corsair. Somewhere youll never find. Sike we put them everywhere. Grocery stores and supermarkets, gas stations, and chiropractors offices, bowling alleys, and grocery stores, which we already mentioned. Not sorry, reeses. Hey. You fell asleep with your sign again. You fell asleep with your sign again. No, i didnt. Okay. Switch to progressive and you can save hundreds. You know, like the sign says. May contain disodium distyrylbiphenyl disulfonate. Yeah. I dont know either. Switch to seventh generation. Clean clothes, no unnecessary chemicals. Yeah. Doesnt meanither. Swityou got to spend a lot n. Because dennys brought back the super slam™. With eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage and pancakes. All for just 6. 99. The 6. 99 super slam™ is back see you at dennys [ cheers and applause seth our next guest served as minority leader of georgias house of representatives and was the democratic nominee for governor of the state in 2018. She is the founder of fair fight, a National Voting Rights Organization please welcome back to the show, Stacey Abrams, everyone. [ cheers and applause for having me again. Seth you were here last year, right after you gave the response to the state of the union, the democratic response yup seth you received very high praise for it. Were you happy not to have to do it again sweet lord, yes seth yeah. [ laughter ] i would imagine a lot of pressure, and it was nice to just have a well, gretchen whitmer, who is the governor of michigan, did an extraordinary job seth yes and im so glad it was her. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] so i want to obviously, were taping this tonight before the results start coming in for the New Hampshire primary, i dont need to tell you that your name is often bandied about as a potential v. P. Pick for pretty much every candidate whos still in the race. I know you wont say if you have a preference for that. But do you look forward to the possibility of debating mike pence i think it could be a very lovely experience. [ laughter ] seth yeah. It would be an enjoyable evening. [ cheers and applause i have a lot of pentup aggression seth yes [ laughter ] and some stark disagreements i think could really lead to a vigorous debate. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] it would be nice, because in a debate format, you have your time to talk exactly seth you cant be interrupted. So that would be it would be lovely it would be wonderful seth you i want to ask, a lot of people have been critical and have asked questions about, does it make sense in this day and age to have iowa and New Hampshire, states that take i believe, their voting very seriously but are, you know, very white states. What would you propose as far as how the primary system worked . Number one, they should all be primaries i appreciate the camaraderie that a caucus creates. But the chaos is not unusual as much as we were upset last week about iowa, in 2012, the same thing happened for the republicans. Its a systemic challenge, not just a, you know, did they use an app challenge seth yes but more than that, we need primaries that actually reflect the communities that are going to be casting votes. And so my solution would be that we rotate who goes first, and maybe we have a few folks who go first. We pick a few southern states, some midwestern states we let the west, you know, play if they want seth yeah. [ light laughter ] but we actually reflect the composition of the United States as we go through the process, because we give so much credence to this that it really needs to be reflective of the demography and the people of the country. Seth does it seem like also that i mean, you know, i would say the argument that people would make against, is its so nice that all of the candidates get to go, sort of towntotown and connect with all of the voters in one state but the downside is theres an idea of momentum right . Iowa is a very small state New Hampshires an even smaller state, and yet based on these results, were gonna talk a lot until theres another state about who has the momentum right now. If four or five states voted on the first day, wouldnt that take that away it would spread out the joy seth yeah, thatd be nice. [ light laughter ] because yes, someone gets to know everyone everybody in ames. And they get to know everyone in Dixville Notch they might get to stay over. Seth yeah. But that means that as they go further through the process, they dont get to meet folks in South Carolina, or georgia, or in tennessee they dont have to spend time in oregon and because later states get taken for granted, we lose the opportunity to really understand whos running. I want to see how someone goes from ames to atlanta in the same time period. I want to know if they say the same things. It changes the narrative of a campaign when you have to actually talk to different representative samples of america. Seth you think theres not as much value in trying to flip trump voters as there is in getting new turnout. Do you still believe that that should be what all of the democrats in the field should be trying to do we should be trying to convince people who share our values to live those values. I think trump has helped us convince some of his former voters that they actually share our values, and we want those folks to vote with us. But we should not be compromising our values to convince them that they would want to come with us if you agree with trump after 3 1 2 years of the ignominy and demonization and sheer stupidity of his administration, then mazal tov. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause but our energy should be focused on those who believe, what we believe, that this is a government that should value and respect people that should create space for everyone to be successful. And that should be a moral leader, not only here, but around the world if those are the values you share, then we should talk to you and try to get you to vote seth so, you absolutely [ cheers and applause and you have made obviously, you had a very close race for governor and after you lost, you decided not to run for office again, but to start these two organizations. Yes seth fair fight, which is about Voter Registration and making sure people have their right to vote. And fair count, which is about the census can you talk a little bit about why that was the path you chose at a time where im assuming theres a lot of people who were telling you to get back on the horse and run again . So, in the ten days between election day and my nonconcession day, i went through all the stages of grief really fast and then added a new stage that i like to call plotting seth uhhuh. Thats a good one. [ light laughter ] yeah it was fun. It was like being in a marvel movie all by myself. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] and i got to go [ laughter ] and then i started thinking, what work would i have done had i become governor . And what work needs to be done until the next election . And one is fighting voter suppression. Its making sure people can register, and can stay on the roles. They get access to the ballots, that theyre polling place doesnt shut down, that we fix the infrastructure of democracy in america but the other is that we have to make sure people participate in the 2020 census. Donald Trumps Administration has underfunded the census to a degree that we have not seen in generations. Plus, he has done his level best to scare people out of participating and thats by design the fewer of us who are actually seen, the less money we get, and the harder it is to prevent the kind of gerrymandering that created the nightmare of the last ten years and so i decided my mission would be to protect the right to vote through fairfight2020. Org and to protect the census and get more people to participate through faircount. Or [ cheers and applause seth it seems as though thats very very positive plotting thank you seth as far as plotting goes yeah. Im the daughter of ministers. Even my plotting becomes sort of Service Oriented seth yeah. Were you even as a kid, its true that you were i dont know if it was called plotting, but you did have a spreadsheet as a very young girl about the things you wanted to accomplish. I did ive always been very goaloriented. Seth yeah. Not quite rupaul goaloriented [ laughter ] seth yeah. There was no you know, there was no one who attended my birth with a prophecy. [ laughter ] but i tried to keep up seth yeah. And you were very precocious, safe to say, as a child . I was seth i have heard oh, god seth that you did not care for the game duck, duck, goose. At a young age, you made a value judgment on duck, duck, goose. It just seemed pointless. [ light laughter ] you were literally going in a circle, and no one explained what the goose did [ light laughter ] like, did you get take over the company . Did you get to set did you get to guarantee Everyone Health care like what was the goose responsible for . [ light laughter ] so, no, i did not play seth yeah, you know, and here i was just about to teach my kids how to play, but now i realize what a colossal waste of time it is [ laughter ] just add a step duck, duck, goose, promotion seth yeah. [ laughter ] or duck, duck, goose, healthcare infrastructure. Seth yeah, exactly voting rights, something. Seth there you go. Thats a much more fun duck, duck, goose. Hey, thank you for being here. Please come again. I will. Seth its always a pleasure to have you. [ cheers and applause you were wonderful. Thank you. Seth Stacey Abrams, everybody. [ cheers and applause for information on fair fight, visit fairfight2020. Org. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause i get down on my knees and i start to pray till the tears run down from my eyes lord somebody, ooh somebody can anybody find me somebody to love . Alexa, play queen on amazon music. [music playing] become a celebrityhat sort accountant . 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What a night seth ben, thank you so much for being on the program with us seth, so happy to be here this is a big, big night for our party. The verdict is in, seth. Democrats have decisively won the New Hampshire primary, yeah. [ cheers ] yes, yes seth what do you mean you won . Seth, the democrats swept New Hampshire. From toptobottom, a republican didnt even crack the top 12 this is nothing short of a complete republican shutout. Seth a shutout seth, and i think were going to do the same thing in nevada next week. Steamrolling to South Carolina the week after that, and seth okay. Bold, i think its going to be a clean democratic sweep on super tuesday, y [ cheers and applause seth ben, ben. Im sorry, im sorry its just democrats were the only ones on the ballots tonight. I mean, it was a democratic primary. [ laughter ] hey, what are you doing seth what . Why are you talking that way . Seth talking like what come here come here. Come here. Come here. Stop it. [ light laughter ] these people are finally happy again. [ light laughter ] for once, democrats didnt blow it seth im sorry, but again, you guys are the only ones on the ballot it wouldve been pretty hard to blow it. The democrats were the only ones on the ballot in iowa and we somehow managed to blow it. [ laughter ] dont you think a celebration is in order seth i mean, i guess but do you think a viable candidate will emerge from the primary process . I mean, shut the [ laughter ] come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. [ light laughter ] you got to keep it down. Look, seth, we have to take a week and get democrats dont win big things and when we do, its just barely because the opponent is like a pedophile or something [ laughter ] seth do you think any of the current candidates can beat donald trump what . I dont know probably not no, i dont know shut up. [ laughter ] doesnt look great why do you even got to ask that at a time like this . Seth you dont think during the leadup to the president ial election that i should ask if any one of your candidates can beat donald trump . No. [ laughter ] not while were having fun were partying New Hampshire, baby tax free liquor, the best maple syrup in the world seth thats vermont. Oh, so youre a bernie bro. Seth what . [ laughter ] hey, ben, why did you leave the party . Hey, david. Ill be right there. Why dont you just go back and you have yourself a good time . Hey, ben . Are you worried about the looming civil war happening within the Democratic Party . No. And neither should you you just go back up there, david, and enjoy the night okay. All right [ laughter ] thats david. Hes fragile were all fragile, seth. Were democrats. Were snowflakes seth all right you know what . Im sorry. Maybe i should just let you guys enjoy the night. Thank you then again, we are actually taping this at 6 50 p. M. So, theres plenty of time for us to [ bleep ] this thing up. [ light laughter ] seth thats true well be right back with Maria Bamford, everybody [ cheers and applause five years ago, i had psoriasis everywhere. My skin hurt, i felt gross. But then i started cosentyx and i havent really had to think about it. Real people with psoriasis. Look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen. Or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Ask your dermatologist about cosentyx. Rigshop 100s of. S. Epic deals no coupons needed . Plus get kohls cash tops for the family are 9. 99 and under. Athletic shoes 49. 99 and under. And this power air fryer is just 99. 99 plus buy online, Free Store Pickup right now. At kohls and kohls dot com. 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Yes president of the United States [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Many times in comedian acts theyll suggest legitimate domestic and Foreign Policy that is not taken seriously seth yeah. And i thought to myself, we have an unregistered sex offender in the white house. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. And i dont feel safe so, yeah i went down to my local courthouse saw a judge within an half hour. Seth yeah. He denied me, ultimately, at way, and wasted the time of caring professionals seth wow [ laughter ] but you werent asking for a lot. You were just asking for like 1,000 yeah, 1,000 feet. Seth yeah. Yeah, thats all i want seth yeah, thats not crazy. I just dont want him to go near 91001 [ laughter ] seth you do you consider yourself someone who is politically articulate i have lived with a 20yearold pug named betty. Seth uhhuh. And so, she is blind and deaf and if we left her for any amount of time, she would wed find her at home wedged between the stove and a Kitchen Cabinet covered in her own fecal matter crying [ dog crying ] thats it. Thats where im at, politically. [ laughter ] desperate for leadership seth yeah, thats right. And i know i wouldnt turn down a biscuit seth you wouldnt turn down a biscuit. No, no, no. Seth no, of course not you do something thats fascinating to me, and it actually works for you you will find people on twitter. Yes and ask them to meet you so that you can try your comedy on them yes seth okay. Yes seth and youll just basically and then youll do this like across the country ds . Its goes great, cause turns out, a lot of people are either selfemployed or underemployed [ laughter ] and theyve got time to meet me at a dunkin donuts. And i buy them a cold brew, whatever the skys the limit on that menu seth yeah. [ laughter ] and and we meet and yeah, i tell them jokes. Its los angeles, the audiences are very small seth yeah. So, its not unlike a show in l. A. At 11 00 p. M. At the comedy store. Seth there you go. Sometimes to just get one person whos paying attention, oh, my god unreal seth do you read it off paper, or is it performy no, very performy seth okay, gotcha. Performed quietly, you know, to not i dont want to create a spectacle. Seth right, sure or do i [ laughter ] is everybody looking [ laughter ] is everybody looking so sorry seth do you get and you feel like you get good feedback from people . Yes seth and they genuinely laugh . Yeah, but i mean its definitely a product of the internet people are fans. Seth yeah. So theyre already enjoying and many of my fans have experiences with social anxiety. So everyones very shy and pleasant seth yup do they bring people do they ever bring a buddy yes seth yeah. Few times somebody has brought someone else, as a witness. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] just in case i i went off. Seth yeah, sure. Might as well. You did a fascinating special where you did your special with an audience of two people, which was your parents my parents. Seth yeah. How did that come about . Well, sloth laziness seth yeah. I didnt i wasnt feeling very well at the time. And so i thought, whats the easiest thing i can do in my own home pay my parents 600 bucks apiece. I didnt want to 1099 them am i right seth yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] nobody wants that. Got more paperwork. And yes. So, theyre very supportive. Seth thats wonderful. So, yeah. Seth do i want to talk about your other show. You have your special and your show, whats your ailment . Yes seth talk about how that started. Just interviewing people, mostly celebrities, comedians about Mental Health issues, so that people that were interested in talking about it, cause its not its less of stigma i think than it was, but its still theres no Good Health Care in this country, as far as ive been able to tell [ light laughter ] if anybody knows somebody, just let me know. Ive recently i hope this isnt a sponsor for you show betterhealth. Com i signed up with them paying a therapist 200 a month she just texted me, christine, of course youre stressed, you just had a baby. [ laughter ] seth your names not christine. No, it certainly isnt. [ light laughter ] but think about her. Think about it was helpful. It was actually fairly helpful [ light laughter ] seth do you have you ever gone sort of out of the norm for Health Advice over the years oh, sure. I used to live in l. A. Seth yeah. So theres always suggestion of, oh, somebody can blast you with energy on wednesdays over the phone seth yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, no, ive paid 300 for things that did nothing. Seth for energy blasting yeah, for energy blasting my dad, i told him about that. Hes like, ill blast you ill blast you for free. [ laughter ] thanks, dad. Seth you also, you know, i think a lot of times we talk about the the quest for excellence, i think. Yes seth especially, you know, i think people would claim theres this, you know, sort of american superiority. And thats what make this country people aim for the skies. You have a you sort of think that mediocrity is overlooked. Yeah. Why does everything have to be so good . Seth yeah. You know, beyonce, einstein, the muppets, japan i adore a twostar experience. [ laughter ] theres a deli down the street from our house i believe it is called the super crap [ bleep ] liquor store. [ laughter ] diet coke is hot milk sour. You open up a snickers, it blooms [ laughter ] they are always unfriendly theyre only sometimes open. It is that kind of integrity over time that deserves celebration. [ laughter ] seth thats so nice of you yes seth to give a shout out to the mediocre oh, its so good. Seth yeah, you know, maybe mediocre people are watching tonight, not that i think you are, but thank your for your service. Yeah, no, no. Seth thank you for everything you do. No, i appreciate that everybody sometimes halfasses it at work somedays. I had surgery recently where the doctor forgot to sew something up seth oh, wow oh, whoops. [ laughter ] and you know, i get it you know, dont have me on like an argumentative panel show. Where cause sometimes, if i was on a show in australia, where it was a full hour, i did not say anything seth really . For the full hour, cause im shy. I didnt want to interrupt anybody. Seth yeah, it was very hard to be on one of those panel shows. [ laughter ] well, its very nice that weve this time together no, no, cause its just you. So, its okay. Seth yeah, ive enjoyed having you, as well. [ laughter ] thank you so much for coming back, maria. Always a pleasure seeing you thank you so much for me. Thank you. [ cheers and applause seth Maria Bamford, everybody. Her new special weakness is the brand is available now. Well be right back. [ cheers and applause shouldnt you pay less when you use less data . Now you can. Because Xfinity Mobile gives you more flexible data. You can choose to share data between lines, mix with unlimited, or switch it up at any time. All on the most reliable wireless network. Which means you can save money without compromising on coverage. Get more flexible data, the most reliable network, and more savings. Plus, get 300 off when you buy a new Samsung Galaxy s20 ultra. Thats simple. Easy. Awesome. Call, click or visit a store today. Steady the elbow. Shoot me one . Ahh boom shaka laka. Feisty. Ahh. Doesnt mean you got to spend a lot because dennys brought back the super slam™. With eggs, hash browns, bacon, sausage and pancakes. All for just 6. 99. The 6. 99 super slam™ is back see you at dennys [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to rupaul, Stacey Abrams, Maria Bamford, everyone elijah wood and, of course, the 8g band. Stay tuned for lilly singh. Well see you tomorrow, everybody. [ cheers and applause daniel tonight on a little late with lilly singh. Lilly he caught him cheating with six strippers okay, she should be mad, but like not too mad if a guy can have sex six times in one night, you marry that guy. [ laughter ] daniel and lilly please welcome debby ryan and Francia Raisa we were all, like, singing and meditating i was like, you were my first late night show. And you were like, thats amazing. Im so honored. I was like, no, im honored. And then today she was like, have we met . Lilly wait, what [ laughter ] you, my friend, will receive an edible arrangement from me [ laughter ] hey. [ laughter ] [ applause ] yes daniel coming up