Questions like, why has no one responded to my birthday evite . [ light laughter ] real easy, you just click yes or no [ light laughter ] a 30foothigh portion of president trumps border wall blew over yesterday and fell into mexico. [ laughter ] man, thats how rough things are right now. Even trumps wall is leaving the country. [ laughter and applause the New York Times [ cheers and applause the New York Times launched a quiz today to match readers with the democratic president ial candidates apparently, john delaney took the quiz and even he didnt get john delaney [ laughter ] the Border Patrol announced yesterday that it has discovered a 4,000 footlong tunnel going from mexico to the u. S. Which is 70 feet below ground and has a ventilation system, electrical cables, an elevator and rails for moving items said new yorkers, does it go to brooklyn . [ laughter and applause sounds amazing [ cheers and applause can we get that . Commerce secretary wilbur ross, this morning, claimed that the outbreak of coronavirus in china could be good for the u. S. Economy. Though its never a good idea to gloat about a pandemic when you look like you could be laid out by the hiccups [ laughter ] mattel has released a new line of wellnessthemed barbie dolls, including a doll that comes with a cucumber eye mask, bath bombs and a candle oh sorry, thats gwyneth paltrow. [ laughter ] im sorry. Sorry, from i just got it wrong. Over 150,000 people are expected to visit miami this weekend for the super bowl, as well as a handful of unlucky tourists who happened to pick the wrong weekend. [ laughter ] what is the super bowl . [ light laughter ] where is the beach [ light laughter ] why is there so much traffic who are the chiefs . [ laughter ] massachusetts residents, yesterday celebrated the grand opening of the first Recreational Marijuana dispensary on cape cod now when you go whale watching, youll swear the whales are watching you back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and finally, officials at u. P. S. Announced yesterday that theyre adding at least 10,000 electric delivery trucks to their fleet, but perhaps more importantly, theyre subtracting at least ten inches off their shorts. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight [ cheers and applause she is a very funny comedian and actress whose standup special, leslie jones time machine, is now streaming globally on netflix. Our friend, leslie jones is back, everybody. [ cheers and applause you can see him in the Second Season of the neighborhood, which airs mondays on cbs. One of our favorites, Max Greenfield is here and he is a talented writer and director whose latest film, jojo rabbit, is nominated for six Academy Awards, including best picture and best adapted screenplay Taika Waititi is here. So we got a great show for you guys tonight [ cheers and applause before we get to all that, as the Senate Impeachment trial enters its next phase, the president and his lawyers have gone from arguing that there was no quid pro quo to arguing that the president can do literally whatever he wants. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth Democratic House prosecutors have laid out a very clear, specific, detailed case against president trump. He held up hundreds of millions of dollars in aid to ukraine in order to extort that country to help him cheat in the 2020 election by digging up dirt on joe biden. Congressman jason crow, a combat veteran, put it in very simple terms. We are here for one reason and one reason only. The president of the United States withheld foreign aid that he was happy to give in the two prior years, that suddenly we are to believe conditions on the ground changed and he had an epiphany about corruption within a week of Vice President biden announcing his candidacy. It doesnt make any sense. Seth no, it doesnt, mostly because trump isnt capable of having an epiphany [ light laughter ] his brain is only capable of firing one neuron at a time. [ light laughter ] if he ever tried to do a math problem, hed forget to breathe and pass out [ light laughter ] thats why he looks dead into the camera with that blank stare like a deer caught in a nature video. [ light laughter ] not only has trump never heard of an epiphany in his life, if you asked him what an epiphany was, hed probably say, the daughter who hates me . Shes a real piphany. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and as the Democratic House prosecutors have laid out their evidence in the Senate Impeachment trial, president trumps defense team has struggled to respond its getting harder and harder for trump to insist that the investigation is a socalled witch hunt and i mean its literally getting physically harder for him to say the words, witch hunt the American People are disgusted by the washington democrat wish and you see it. You see it seth what [ light laughter ] we dont know what you said. [ light laughter ] why does he always do that thing where he just quickly moves on and pretends he didnt mess up instead of just stopping and correcting himself its not a slick move, dude. It makes you sound like a stt butter [ mumbling ] [ light laughter ] witch, witch, was. And when hes not complaining about a witch hunt, trump has repeatedly claimed that article two of the constitution, which outlines the powers of the presidency, allows him to do literally whatever he wants. Article two allows me to do whatever i want. Then i have an article two, where i have the right to do whatever i want as president , but i dont even talk about that nobody ever mentions article two. It gives me all of these rights at a level that nobody has ever seen before. Seth what do you mean nobody has ever seen before only trump would think no one ever gets to that part because its all the way back in article two. [ light laughter ] of course, i doubt trump has ever read even one full sentence of the constitution. He probably got three words in and quit we, the people . I think that m is upside down. [ laughter ] [ applause ] or maybe, maybe its possible its possible trump just got some bad legal advice. After all, look whos representing him in the impeachment trial. Heres one of his lawyers, pam bondi, the former attorney general of florida trying to claim that joe bidens son, hunter, was corrupt and worth investigating, except she clearly could not find her notes and was lost without them. He remained on the board until [ light laughter ] april [ laughter ] of 2019 [ laughter and applause seth pam bondi you [ laughter ] [ bleep [ laughter ] up [ cheers and applause where where does trump find these lawyers . Did he see her on a bus stop bench ad [ laughter ] or just on a bus stop bench . Shes like a failed game show contestant whose fallback career was defending the president. Ms. Bondi, who is hunter biden he remained on the board until [ buzzer ] [ laughter and applause seth i have not seen a swing and a miss that bad since that british lady whiffed on Greta Thunbergs name. The 2019 book entitled no one is too small to make a difference is a collection of speeches made by a swedish Climate Change activist. Whats her name . Sharon. [ laughter ] greta thunberg. Seth she looks like a sharon [ laughter ] but trumps claim that he can do whatever he wants is very much at the core of trumpism and the modern Republican Party. And that ethos is very much on display in this impeachment trial. Republicans have spent a decade pretending to be a principled party based on limited government and respect for the constitution where in reality, they never cared about any of that stuff. Todays Republican Party is an authoritarian movement led by people who believe they should have the power to impose their will on everyone else. And trump perfectly embodies that authoritarian mindset, which was on display in its clearest and most obvious form yesterday when trump lawyer Alan Dershowitz made a truly shocking argument that it doesnt matter if trump engaged in an illegal quid pro quo to cheat in the 2020 election, because if he was doing something to help himself get reelected, that means he was also doing it in the National Interest every public official that i know believes that his election is in the Public Interest. And mostly youre right. Your election is in the Public Interest and if a president does something which he believes will help him get elected in the Public Interest, that cannot be the kind of quid pro quo that results in impeachment seth that is an absolutely insane argument that is antithetical to literally everything the founders believed when they wrote the constitution think about what hes saying there. Hes saying that if you believe you being president is whats best for the country, then youre allowed to do whatever you want in order to remain president. Thats insane. By that logic, trump could shut down airports under the pretense of high winds any time one of his democratic challengers had a flight, which would affect everyone but bernie who likely has a backup mule. [ laughter ] mules are stubborn, no nonsense and affordable, just like me [ laughter and applause i will see you in iowa in one week. [ cheers and applause now, to give you an idea of how utterly bankrupt and amoral this idea is, lets just step back and review how much the trump teams argument has changed over the last few months. Because as you just heard, one of the president s lawyers literally just said that he can commit an illegal quid pro quo to cheat in an election and thats fine. But as youll recall, when the allegations first emerged, trump and his supporters insisted adamantly over, and over, and over again that no such quid pro quo had ever occurred. Theres no quid pro quo, no demand, no pressure, no threat theres no quid pro quo there was no quid pro quo there is no quid pro quo. There is no quid pro quo. There was no quid pro quo there was no quid pro quo there was no quid pro quo. But listen to this there is no pro quo. [ laughter ] seth thats right it there was no pro quo i guess we cant expect the president of the United States to remember that many onesyllable words [ light laughter ] when eric and don jr. Were growing up he probably read them a book called the cat in the. [ laughter ] no pro quo sounds like a fake phrase a new yorker would say to a tourist in times square to avoid talking to them. Excuse me, can you tell us where the m m store is . Excuse me, no pro quo. [ laughter ] so that was their argument at the start. Fast forward to tuesday amid the Senate Impeachment trial when senator ted cruz took a rehearsal break from his oneman unabomber musical to argue that it doesnt matter if there was a quid pro quo the constitution requires high crimes or misdemeanors that the test for impeachment, its treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors and the house democrats, they havent alleged any crime whatsoever one point that explains why the president is innocent, and he should be acquitted and why he will be acquitted. Quid pro quo doesnt matter. Its a red herring it doesnt matter if there was a quid pro quo or not. Seth oh, now it doesnt matter you guys have spent the last four months insisting it didnt happen when you suddenly change your argument like that, it makes it obvious it did happen. If you worked at Dunkin Donuts and your boss said to you, hey brad, did you stick your [ bleep ] through the crullers and you said, of course not. And then he asked you again, and you said, it doesnt matter, crullers taste like [ bleep ] anyway. [ laughter ] then, yeah, you stuck your [ bleep ] through all the crullers [ cheers and applause in fact, ted cruz himself, he once argued there was definitely no quid pro quo. A lot of what the democrats had been raising, alleging an illegal quid pro quo was not, in fact, backed up by the transcript seth first of all, it wasnt a transcript the transcript is still in some secret server with a ton of what im sure is other incriminating material and second of all, even the readout the white house released backed up the quid pro quo when you offer someone something of value, and then literally in the next breath say, i would like you to do us a favor though, as trump did no his phone call with the president of ukraine, that is the literal definition of a quid pro quo and if that person turns it down, the only polite thing to say is no pro quo. [ laughter ] seth these guys cant keep their talking points straight, because they dont have a coherent defense just watch this awkward moment from Sean Hannitys fox news show where he tried to tick through four supposed facts that explain why trump is definitely innocent and then tossed to gop congressman jim jordan to explain the fourth fact, but jordan seemed to have no idea what he was supposed to say. Jim jordan, four facts never change and why is that relevant again tonight . Because lets say john bolton said the president vented. President said, ah, i they better do this or theyre not getting any money. The fourth fact is [ light laughter ] of your facts, the fourth fact is it doesnt matter does it . Cause he didnt do it. Seth ha, ha. [ laughter ] that was the equivalent of watching someone pass a basketball to a teammate whos not looking and have it bounce right off their face [ light laughter ] even pam bondi was like, get it together, guys. [ light laughter ] trumps lawyers and allies cant keep their talking points straight because its all bs theyre making up stuff off the top of their heads to mask the only real argument they actually have, which is this, they want to keep trump in office. And in order to do that, they have to agree hes above the law. Theyve said as much throughout this impeachment trial the Republican Party is an authoritarian movement, beholden to their cultlike leader. Thats been clear since the moment trump announced his candidacy. But its been especially obvious since at least april [ light laughter ] of 2019 seth oh, pam [ cheers and applause this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with leslie jones, everybody. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks, be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Only lexus asks questions like these. Because we believe the most amazing machines are inspired by you. Experience the rewards of our curiosity. Protect your pet with the 1 name in flea and tick protection. Frontline plus. Trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. Frontline plus. announcer verizon won more awards than any other network again this year. All these awards are more proof that we built a network that really works for you. Experience americas mostawarded network on the phone you love, the amazing iphone. Plus, up to 650 off the latest iphone when you switch. Hey hey you guys man, im thinklook like foodies. Would you like to try our trashy back ribs . Oh, that sounds great. Everything is locally harvested, farm to dumpster to table. Uhhh, what do you. What else do you got . stammering wwe have a melon rind stew. Comes with a pork and bean reduction. Yeah, were going to just do a lap and well come back. Okay. Well, well be here. Man why isnt this working . My mouth is watering. I think thats just your rabies flaring up. With geico, the savings keep on going. Just like this sequel. 15 minutes could save you 15 or more on car insurance. We got gristle pot pies you try to stay ahead of the mess. But scrubbing still takes time. Now theres new powerwash dish spray. Its the faster way to clean as you go. Just spray, wipe and rinse. It cleans grease five times faster. New dawn powerwash. Spray, wipe, rinse. Magnum ice cream double caramel. Now in ice cream tubs and bars. And that was all you knew, would you really understand it, with just that point of view . Weve got a different way to look at it, from right here on the ground. We dont just the United States we see united towns. Were grateful for what you bring, and all the sparks youve shown, in the thousands of towns that we get to call home. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also weve had the pleasure this entire week to be joined by an incredible drummer whos been sitting in with us and for the last three years hes been playing with rocks most innovative artist, beck. Check out his latest album, hyperspace, and see beck out on tour later this year. Chris coleman, everybody [ cheers and applause thanks for being here. Thank you, seth appreciate it. Seth our first guest tonight is an emmy nominated comedian for her work on saturday night live. You can see her fantastic new standup special, leslie jones time machine, which is currently streaming globally on netflix. He show, our very good friend leslie jones, everyone [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause seth hello, leslie hey, baby hi [ cheers and applause seth it is always so wonderful to have you. They love you. Okay. We can feel the relationship to where i love you seth you this is such a fantastic special. I loved watching it so much. So funny you wrote it together with your friend whos a very funny comedian as well, lenny marcus yes seth youve talked ive read articles youve talked about how nice the collaboration is to have another comedian to bounce stuff off its always good to put one great thing and another great thing together, because youre going to always make a great thing. Seth yeah. And lenny is just as, like, hard on comedy as much as i am like he was hard on me seth yeah. He was like i think lenny is up there in the top coaches ive ever had in my life seth well, the really nice thing about it was, you know, i dont know the process, but he got the best leslie jones out of leslie jones, which i thought was fun to watch first of all, he wrote my whole like, id never seen all my jokes seth yeah. He wrote all my jokes out on a piece of paper and i was, like, what [ laughter ] what how did you know id say that . That is crazy. You are a nerd, dude i love you i love him i love him seth thats great. You also incredible coup, youre a huge fan of game of thrones and you got the cocreators of that show, benioff and weiss, to direct your special isnt that crazy . Seth its the best all i could think about is like, somebody who could catch my action. Seth yeah. And, again. Seth yeah. They filmed dragons and all kinds of horses. Seth yeah. They kept the dragon in the frame. They had no trouble with you i was the dragon. I keep telling yall seth we watched game of thrones together on the show. I know. Seth that was one of my favorite things, game of jones. I regret we didnt do more of those. Seth i know. I think we only did five or six. I regret it let me tell you, i was grumpy grump. cause like, it was hard to get me to really because theyre hard to do, you know, because were doing i was doing snl at the same time, but now that i think about it, wish we had did, like, at least ten seth we should have done at least ten. Every time i watch them, i laugh so hard. Seth theyre so good its so good. Seth and i should stress that, you know, sometime we should just release a full hour of it because you you have to post it seth you talk for a full hour [ light laughter ] thats what i was like, people dont want to watch tv with me for real seth yeah. Yo, i pause it everybody that knows me does not watch tv with me. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] i pause the tv, i be like, look, first of all, let me explain. And theyre like, please dont explain. Seth my wife, we watched the season the final season premiere together. And my wife was so mad, she goes, i cant believe you watched it with leslie and not me im like, i have to watch it again. I barely heard a word of dialogue [ laughter ] exactly i talked the whole time. [ laughter ] and i forgot about that so you got outtakes oh, my god seth yeah. Oh, yeah theres some real ive got to see that. Seth one of the nice things about this show, time machine, is you talk about how the sort of different stages in your life yes seth and you talk about if you had a time machine the things you would go back to say to your 20yearold self oh, so much, man. Like, take better care of yourself oh, stop stressing go to bed. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] go to bed, leslie seth but the real the brilliant twist on it, you know, i dont want to give away too much of the material of the special, is you point out that the 20yearold leslie jones would not would have a lot of doubts about this 50yearold version. First of all seth would not trust her who is you, though . But who is you, though but who is you, though [ laughter ] but who is you though . I dont recognize you. Who is you, though seth would not be a fan of your haircut like, why you look like that . [ laughter ] like, this is not my feature i look like woody woodpecker, seth no [ light laughter ] seth we met when you started snl. We overlapped very briefly i know you didnt know i was going to say this. When i first met seth, first of all, the first thing i thought first when i met colin i was like, this is, like, perfect white man machine. [ light laughter ] and then when i met seth, i was like, wow. [ laughter ] hes like the next president [ cheers and applause hes so beautiful. I was like seth oh, youre very kind. I was like, these white men around here are so beautiful seth thank you [ light laughter ] his steel blue i was like, yeah, whatever, dude seth yeah. But let me Say Something about seth seth was the first person that was telling lorne, like, yo, she funny, like, she funny if you aint going to have her, ill take her, like, shes mine. Like, shes not leaving this building [ cheers and applause seth it was very and the thing we talked about it before, the really funny thing was when you started on the show, when the season started, i think, maybe it started at the beginning. But you had the smallest desk of anybody. I had the glass desk. But i didnt even care because i was in the corner. And i was like, we play baseball every saturday i dont care i was always scared i was going to bump my knee and crack the desk and i was going to bleed to death. Seth do you remember where you were when you found out you joined the cast . Yes ha [ laughter ] okay okay so, first of all, i just, i was cocky, like, where i was, i was like, you know, ghetto fabulous. Like, i was at the top of my game when i walked in the room, i rep. I have respect you know what im saying when they called me for this, i was like, im going to go show them out dope i am and im going to walk out the room you know what im saying they made me want it i really wanted it after that whole week of being here, watching them do the stage, and watching the writers, and then watching the band. I was like, i want this. Like, ooh, i want this is so bad. And i was driving to get my nails done and over there on adams and crenshaw, and its a bomb nail shop yep. Stop and see nikki [ applause ] she does do the bomb eyelashes seth thats one is its a good one, right . Okay [ light laughter ] anyway so i pulled in and i kept seeing my phone ring, 212 so i thought it was just somebody calling going, yeah you know, we saw her but were going to go with somebody else thats what i thought that call was. But it kept ringing and it kept ringing. And i was like, i pulled in, parked, and i was like, hello . It was like, yeah, Lorne Michaels for you and i was like, oh, right here in the parking lot yeah, lets do this. [ light laughter ] he was like, yeah, leslie, i want you to come out, and i was like he was like, i want you to come out and be a writer. I was like, lorne, you know im not no writer. You know, im a performer. I belong in front of the camera. And he was like, i know what you are, but i need you here so i can see exactly what to do with you. I dont know what to do with you, just come so i was like, yeah. You know, i tried to play, yeah, all right, you know. [ laughter ] thats cool. You know what im saying ill see ill see you in a minute [ laughter ] then i hung up the phone i jumped out and i have an altima i had a beautiful burgundy altima and i jumped out and i ran around the whole parking lot going [ screaming [ cheers and applause oh, my god the Security Guard was like the Security Guard knew who i was, he was like, whats wrong [ laughter ] whats happened . Something happened and i was like, i got snl i got snl he was like, what is that . [ laughter and applause is that a disease . Is it a disease . Seth well, it all worked out and congrats again on the special. Always so fun to have you here, leslie [ cheers and applause leslie jones time machine is streaming on netflix now. Well be right back with Max Greenfield [ cheers and applause i get down on my knees and i start to pray till the tears run down from my eyes lord somebody, ooh somebody can anybody find me somebody to love . Alexa, play queen on amazon music. [music playing] alexa, play queen on amazon music. I just feel stuck, doc. And im hearing voices. You feel stuck. Because you are stuck. Gia . Thats me there it is again. Yeah, im married. Youd do that for me . Really . Fromtate far. Sounds like a really good deal. Jake from state farm at 3 in the morning . Who is this . Its jake from state farm. What are you wearing, jake from state farm . Uh. Khakis. Hey, do they ever ask you what youre wearing . Uh. Yeah. Red sweater, button down shirt. Like a good neighbor, state farm is there. My psoriasis. Cosentyx works on all of this. Cosentyx treats the multiple symptoms of Psoriatic Arthritis to help you look and feel better. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Watch me get real relief with cosentyx. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is an emmy nominated actor you know from his work as schmidt on new girl. He stars in the neighborhood which airs monday nights on cbs. Please welcome back to the show Max Greenfield, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth how are you im so good seth its so nice to have you here no, im really excited to be here i you know, we have a mutual friend seth yeah, whos here tonight. I know. Michael schur. Seth yep the creator of the good place. Seth creator of the good place. Parks and recreation. Yes [ cheers and applause seth writer of the office. Snl. Yeah, his finale airs tonight, cbs ill turn this around. I promise you. [ laughter ] but, you know, mike did an amazing thing for me hes sort of the reason why im on the neighborhood right now. Seth really . Which is an experience that im enjoying so much i love the show. Cedric is incredible and i i got added to the show and so they sent me the dvd of a pilot and they said, listen, we want to add you this look at it, watch it, tell me what you think. And i didnt trust myself cause i watched it and i was like, i like this but seth yeah. You dont trust your taste yeah its through this lens, and i dont trust it [ light laughter ] and so mike schur is a neighbor of mine. And i called him, i said, im coming up. Will you watch this show for me . And he goes, yeah, great. So i run up to his house i throw the dvd in and i was like, look, i dont need some, like, harvard dissertation on television. Seth yeah. I need, like, max, you cannot do this or, go for it, bud. [ light laughter ] and so we threw it in and j. J. , his wife, after we watched it was like, i really like it. I was like, so do i, and mike goes, well, heres my thing. And i go, no. [ laughter ] and so i ran and i got the dvd and i ran out of there and i called them and i was like, lets get into it. And now im on the show and its great. Seth thats fantastic. Yeah. Seth and you work with cedric the entertainer hes one of the funniest people in the world yeah. Seth and then you did a kind thing to mike, though, you gave him a piece of art well, it was michaels yes. Well, it was michaels birthday. Seth yeah. And i thought, what do you give this guy . Hes got everything. Seth yeah. And im certainly not gonna go out and buy him a present seth sure. [ laughter ] so i thought, im gonna im gonna to make a lovely piece of artwork for him seth yeah. Hes a huge fan of the Boston Red Sox. Seth he is a huge fan of the Boston Red Sox and so i drew seth and you are i did not know that you were an artist well, the medium is crayons seth yeah. [ laughter ] i should say i dont i didnt know and i still dont [ laughter ] this is [ laughter ] that well, okay seth yeah. Thank you [ cheers and applause its a portrait of mookie betts. Seth yes i googled mookie betts and this picture came up seth gotcha, cause thats where you got your inspiration, from google. I thought, good enough. [ laughter ] and then i took the afternoon and i drew this beautiful portrait seth yeah. Which i think portrays mookie pretty well. Seth yeah, pretty well [ laughter ] and then he in return, gave you youre a yankee fan well, this is where it really got special. Seth yeah. So, then on my birthday, mike goes, oh, i got a present for you. Seth yeah. And id sort of forgotten id actually done that for him and j. J. , mikes beautiful wife, was like, oh, hes so excited about this i dont get it. [ laughter ] seth and i do feel bad about making fun of your art, because it now looks like picasso compared to this well, let me explain. [ laughter ] [ applause ] so, continue the applause if you like [ laughter ] so what michaels done here, this is why and you know, this is obviously like, this is the writer telling the story. Seth its a story. Yeah yeah, cause, well, im a yankee fan and this is derek jeter. You can tell by the c on the cap. Seth captain yeah [ light laughter ] and hes being illuminated, which i love the usage of sort of some neon, i want to say theyre colored pencils. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. And hes on a mountaintop and hes passing obviously the baton. Seth right [ light laughter ] to aaron judge. Number 99. Seth yeah. And they do say all the best paintings say underneath exactly whats happening [ laughter ] totally and also have like and also have a line right here seth yeah, a ruler line. A ruler line thats slightly off center [ laughter ] seth well, its quite a friendship that you guys have that you exchange art. Totally, and its gone on and there was one i gave him recently which is a picture of david ortiz, beautiful painting of david ortiz seth yeah, right i think we can all imagine it. Yeah [ laughter ] yeah, its really lovely. Seth yeah. It on it, sox slugga. Seth oh, thats really nice. Which i thought just, you know, its everything seth yeah. [ laughter ] so we you know, i wanted to talk to you about this. And i felt like you were gonna be left out, so seth i do feel pretty left out. While so while i was talking to kevin on the preinterview, i like, sort of, sketched something for you seth oh, really . Its a work in progress seth okay, great i dont know if you have it here seth i think maybe you have it right next to you there it is. Its oh, look, its already framed oh this is oh, wow. Seth yeah. Look at this. Again, work in progress. Seth great well, its framed and has a bow on it. I think its done. [ laughter ] i think its done now. Well, whoever whoever put it in the frame put it upside down seth okay. But its fine its fine. [ laughter ] its totally fine. Seth i think, id be id be grateful that someone framed it for you so. Seth okay. Well, do you want to look at it seth im looking at it in the monitor. In the monitor. Seth yeah. Yeah, im sure you are. Okay [ laughter ] so let me just walk you through this at this point seth okay, great thank you. Not that you need it. Seth no. Youre the art historian yeah [ light laughter ] thank you so much so what we did was, we basically we wrote your name, which it took kevin a little while to figure out. Seth oh, it did . [ laughter ] yeah, i didnt get that, either. Okay, okay. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] but obviously, this is like, a really cool s. You know, we all drew those in high school. Seth yeah, yeah. And i felt like, its rad. [ laughter ] seth yeah, its cool and, you know, i was cool in high school, so it works [ laughter ] did you skateboard . Seth i didnt. Neither did i seth yeah, yeah, yeah. But i wanted to seth yeah. I wanted to be that guy seth gotcha. And they all those ss in s. Seth yeah, thats great. Thats cool [ light laughter ] the pittsburgh the pittsburgh steelers, which obviously seth uhhuh. Huge fan huge fan. Seth huge fan. Huge fan. Seth never have once looked at the steelers helmet and thought, thats an e. [ laughter ] can i tell you something . Seth yeah. Neither did i until i started drawing. Seth yeah. Well, thats yeah, yeah there you go. Seth you found it in the work thanks so much. Seth yeah. I appreciate it if a round of applause, you dont need it. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Um, okay. 30 rock. Seth 30 rock yeah. Seth and a cloud and the cloud sort of [ cheers and applause seth make a t. To make a t. Seth yeah. Thank so much seth thats great. Yeah it was tough. Seth uhhuh. I could have done a cross, but then i thought, lets not make this religious. Seth yeah, lets not but a nude man dancing could represent an h in some sort of way. [ light laughter ] seth yeah. Yeah i thought, like, there must be some theres some connection. Seth theres some connection there. This is an incredible gift that i will cherish seth yeah. [ cheers and applause thank you so much. I do want to stress how youre welcome. Seth how funny your show is thank you seth how you and cedric are a great pairing. It is on cbs people should watch it we could have talked more about it but i feel like we really just made tonight more about art. [ light laughter ] thank well, i mean, isnt that every night for real for real seth yeah, i think that like with you and i, were connoisseurs of the artistic form [ light laughter ] i have people come up to me all the time, you know, i saw you on seths show, and its like, it wasnt even a segment it was an art piece. Theyre just like [ laughter ] seth well, i think this segment tonight and now we just it just takes it up. Seth we hammered it home yeah. Seth we hammered it home give it up for Max Greenfield, everybody. [ cheers and applause the neighborhood airs monday on cbs well be right back with Taika Waititi. [ cheers and applause we only come out at night we only come out at night i walk alone ill pretend to know the way we only come out at night we only come out at night is raised with no allantibiotics ever. 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Humira is proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage,. And clear skin in psa. Want more proof . Ask your rheumatologist about humira. Wshe looked at me and. That wast sit. T. Want more proof . We had this instant trust. She helps me see the beauty in the world. Adopt love at our National Adoption event. This weekend at your local petsmart®. Applebees new irresistabowls now starting at 7. 99. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. mom [thunder] were you planning on mowing the lawn today . son no. burke seen it. Covered it. At farmers insurance, we know a thing or two because weve seen a thing or two. So call 1800 farmers to get a quote. We are farmers. Bumpadum, bumbumbumbum officially hitting the us. Virus man the markets are plunging for a second straight day. Vo Health Experts warn the us is underprepared. Managing a crisis is what Mike Bloomberg does. In the aftermath of 911, he steadied and built americas largest city. Oversaw Emergency Response to natural disasters. Upgraded hospital preparedness to manage health crises. And hes funding Cutting Edge Research to contain epidemics. Tested. Ready. Mike im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause seth every wednesday and friday we release a podcast edition of late night so you can catch up on the go its audio from the show and includes a closer look, comedy bits, and guest interviews plus extra things exclusive for the podcast, like bonus backstage interviews, chats with the late night staff, original comedy sketches, and more. Head to latenightsethpodcast. Com to subscribe and its free, which is great. Of savings and service, s geico is the easy choice. We could even help you with homeowners. Oh not again oh, thanks you know automated lights are just the beginning. Pretty soon theyre gonna have eyes. Everywhere. Well goodnight. Geico. Over 75 years of savings and service. Actually dry . Lets see. Its dry. 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Im truly amazed at the effect thathank you, bob ple. Tomtrump on the economy. Ald his people over profits plan makes a living wage a right. Creates thousands of good paying green jobs in california. And provides a 10 tax cut for everyone making under 250,000. Toms plan also makes health care a right, by adding a public option to obamacare. Protects union negotiated plans. And ensures californians can make their own health care choices. Im tom steyer and i approve this message. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a talented actor, director and writer best known for his work on thor ragnarok, avengers end game, and what we do in the shadows. He wrote, directed, and stars in jojo rabbit which was nominated for six Academy Awards and is in select theaters now. Lets take a look. Sheesh. That was intense what am i going to do honestly, no idea i mean, there could be more of them hundreds of them living in your walls. How did she get control like that she must have used her powers mind control oh, typical did you see how fast she moves yes like a little female jewish jesse owens and now shes got your fancy knife [ light laughter ] a knife yeah, little female jewish jesse owens, jack the ripper seth please welcome to the show Taika Waititi, everyone [ cheers and applause just feel like seth just i feel like just getting to know you seth dont rush into it. Yeah, yeah juts so slowly im slowly starting to trust you. Seth yeah, okay, good. Like e. T. [ laughter ] like e. T. And youre like elliott. You know what im saying seth yeah, there we go yeah [ laughter ] seth. [ laughter ] seth hey, congratulations. Thank you seth six Oscar Nominations thats really exciting cheers, cheers. [ cheers and applause thank you. Hey, before we get started off, i saw what max did for you and stuff. Seth oh. He kind of he kind of tried to steal the wind out of my sails for what ive done for you. Seth oh, you you drew a picture, too i did one for you as well [ light laughter ] and this is [ laughter ] yeah. Seth that looks like [ applause ] thats your name. Just your name with a bunch of snakes seth great [ light laughter ] over the years watching you, i kind feel like youre the venomous kind of person who cant be trusted seth okay. [ laughter ] sort of thought of that seth yeah, thats really nice thank you. Yeah, no, theres a bunch there and there seth yeah. The h is made up of a kind of bendy snake, which has got about see that. Seth yeah, got a bunch of tongues. Bunch on tongues in there [ light laughter ] seth yeah. This snake, again, i dont want to be critical but this a striped snake. Seth yeah, looks like a very straight, tall its what we called a stripy stand up snake seth a carrot snake. And it happens to be the [ l] just going past in the background seth yeah. Thats really otherwise, it would have been seth well, that means a lot to me. There you go. Seth thank you so much of course, it happens to be on the back of the lovely welcome card that you wrote to me seth yeah, thats really look at that look at that i wrote a beautiful card to you. Yeah. Seth welcome to the show so i want that back seth yeah, yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah, thats mine seth yeah, yeah. Thank you [ laughter ] [ applause ] seth this is this is such a unique film. How does a movie like this come together because i dont feel like studios say, were looking for a movie like this. No. Yeah no no i mean, those days are gone. [ light laughter ] yeah, i mean, you cant really pitch this film. Seth yeah. Its you try you pretend im a studio exec in los angeles, seth yeah. Try pitching the film to me hold on. Ill just get in character seth okay, great you want me to pitch jojo rabbit . Yeah, you and me. Seth okay, okay. And im a hollywood type. Yeah [ mumbling ] seth yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] i make a movie [ light laughter ] i have movies. [ laughter ] seth okay. What you got, kid . Seth ill have a get out. [ laughter ] that was pretty much it. Seth yeah. So, i really was seth its based on a book, yeah its based on a book. My mother my mother, she suggested this book to me, which that was really beautiful. The book is a lot darker it doesnt have any drugs or imaginary hitler in it [ laughter ] this is what i felt was missing. [ light laughter ] but the beautiful theres a beautiful story there between a kid who finds this girl living in this house and, you know, a story about understanding and about a little boys indoctrinated to hate who learns to think for himself and, you know, theres a very positive message in it and thats what i was attracted to seth and you play hitler in the film you also directed the film i imagine that leads to moments where you are directing dressed as hitler. Yeah. [ laughter ] yeah thats [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause youve lost me youve lost my trust seth yeah, thats fair thats fair. No, thats i think the overwhelming feeling when you dress up like that is embarrassment. Seth yeah. And then weirdly on set with the crew, you become a lot nicer. Seth yeah. All of a sudden you know, you overcompensate and but, its not its not an easy thing to tell an actor, hey, i think that was great when you dressed like that come through the door next time, come through say line a bit little quicker. Get over to here this is just a suggestion. Im not ordering you to do this. Okay . [ laughter ] seth the kids here are a couple of your wonderful actors, roman and archie yeah. Seth theyre great wonderful seth roman wonderful little aryan kids [ laughter ] seth just so much so much heart in this kid. Really nice comic relief by archie over here yeah, yeah. I mean, theyre beautiful. Roman is, you know, hes a very incredibly beautiful, sensitive kid who turns out, an amazing actor. Neither of these kids had acted before archie is, i mean, he really every scene you see him in, he steals the show. Seth yeah. And hes just a character unto himself whos now, i heard, is now in the reboot of home alone. Seth oh, thats exciting [ audience ohs ] yeah, yeah. Seth well, thats great. So, good for him. Seth another scenestealing character that was in another film of yours, thor ragnarok. Yeah. Seth you played you were the voice of korg. Yeah. [ cheers and applause seth how did that come about . Did you sort of know from the beginning you were going to play korg i had no idea that i was gonna play that character, actually [ laughter ] just something that was a happy accent, i guess. [ laughter ] that yeah, i mean, you know, its that character is played by one of the most amazing actors and someone i very much respect as a [ laughter ] you cant i mean, i will crowbar myself into any of my films. Seth yeah. I dont pretend anymore seth yeah. Yeah. Seth and its nice now cause we expect to see it yeah. Seth youre like youre like hitchcock, but its a lot easier to find you oh, thanks. [ laughter ] seth yeah, congratulations best of luck at the oscars thank you [ cheers and applause seth so delightful having you here Taika Waititi, everybody jojo rabbit in select theaters now and on dvd february 18th well be right back. [ cheers and applause wow. hundred bands in my pocket, its on me on me yeah, your grandmama probably know me know me its a moment when i show up, got em sayin, wow new doritos flamin hot limon. Its a moment when i show up, voMike Bloomberg has a recordgue of doing something. As mayor, he protected womens reproductive rights. Expanded Health Coverage and decreased infantmortality rates to historic lows. As president , hell build on obamacare, cap medical costs, and will always protect a womans right to choose. Mike bloomberg a record on Health Care Nobody can argue about. Mike im Mike Bloomberg and i approve this message. [ fastpaced drumming ] [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to leslie jones, Max Greenfield, Taika Waititi, everybody chris coleman, thanks for a great week 8g band. Stay tuned for lilly singh. Well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause lilly tonight on a little late with lilly singh, im going to talk about getting lit. Wake your baby up, we have uneven teams for flip cup. [ laughter ] and then ill sit down with one of the funniest people on earth, darcy carden. [ cheers and applause dogs die. [ laughter ] and they die fast. I started singing this to her, like, daily. Penny penn please dont die [ laughter and applause lilly and well enjoy the standup comedy of ali kolbert my girlfriend and i go out and we have a crazy saturday night. And we wake up with a baby [ laughter ] were going to jail [ laughter ] lilly darcy, do you have a favorite joke . Yes [ laughter ] lilly good, good, okay, yeah, i usually save my best jokes for the show, too. Well be right back in one minute [ cheers and applause cant wait to hear it. Yes