leslie jones - chef claire saffitz -- i-w-d-f-c-f-t-b-a-t-k. and featuring the legendary >> jimmy: oh, fantastic. [ light laughter ] jeez, that was nice. which stands for "i would die i got that for claire from the bon appetit >> questlove: 1193 i like that. test kitchen." [ cheers and applause [ laughter and applause that was a little admiral halsey that's amazing >> steve: and now, here he is, >> ah, nice touch! >> it's pretty nice. [ applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming on, >> jimmy: why do you think -- jimmy fallon bud. >> thanks for having me. why did it get so popular? >> jimmy: i love your eyes why do you think people are into it? >> thank you, i did it myself. >> well, i fail a lot on the >> jimmy: look at what you've done pal, i follow you on the show [ cheers and applause twitters and the instagrams and >> jimmy: yeah all of that stuff. [ light laughter ] >> so i have to always, like, >> all of them back up, correct course, take >> jimmy: because you're great a different direction. to follow. you're a very good follow. so i think people like that but you -- kind of behind the scenes look ♪ [ cheers and applause at all the trial and error >> jimmy: yeah you brought an example of one you posted this photo on of the things you made instagram, and it went uber a pop-tart >> yes viral. yes, that's them right here. and i've just never kind of >> jimmy: tell me about this ♪ seen you do this now you -- these are - in 2016 i warned thatt donald trump was so this is the kel -- like the but -- what's happening here kellogg's brand. >> that's original [ cheers and applause who is this -- who is this a dangerous demagogue, uh-huh human? >> jimmy: that's the deal. who are you kissing? and when the republican congress >> mm-hmm. >> that is a human male. wouldn't hold him accountable, >> jimmy: yeah [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and this is your jam it's a human being i went to work helping run >> that's right. and you guys are -- are kissing, and you're showing winning campaigns in >> jimmy: mmm. look at that guy love you said, "happy birthday, >> and it toasts just like the >> jimmy: oh, my goodness! darling, i can't imagine a original that's always part of the a world without you in it. challenge. >> jimmy: i know, but i like them raw >> i had to post photo evidence oh, my god, it's great hello, everybody that somebody would want to [ light laughter ] >> a lot better. kiss me. >> jimmy: what am i gonna say? welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to "the >> jimmy: no, now stop it right it's bad >> right now, buddy [ applause ] >> jimmy: it really is great tonight show." >> right thank you so much for being here who is this man? >> jimmy: all right. now we're talking about -- [ cheers and applause >> that is evan peters you're a very talented pastry thank you for watching today we're talking about layer let's get to some news >> jimmy: ah cakes. where do we begin on this? [ cheers and applause >> right, so we have everything president trump's senate i like that you did that here needed to finish impeachment trial kicked off assembling and decorate our yesterday. is that -- because you normally layer cake >> jimmy: yep. it began at 1:00 p.m. and don't post stuff like that >> we have two layers stacked. lasted 13 hours. you don't get personalo i >> jimmy: yep. >> yours is filled with dulce and out of habit once the trial de leche mine has raspberry lasted more than four hours, we have a couple different every old senator panicked and felt like it was the appropriate occasion fillings and frostings here. so we're going to get started. called their doctor. >> jimmy: yeah >> pick up this tool [ laughter ] >> jimmy: aw, it was very cute my favorite kitchen tool, the during the marathon first day, >> yeah. offset spatula >> jimmy: i thought that was now which filling do you want several senators were actually very cool. i wanted to say caught sleeping, including congratulations. when last time you were around to use mitch mcconnell. here, you were about to host "saturday night live." you can use a different filling than what you have >> yeah. even more upsetting, when >> jimmy: and be musical guest i'm probably going to use mitch mcconnell falls asleep, >> yeah. raspberry jam. he doesn't close his eyes like >> jimmy: double duty. >> jimmy: all right, so i'll do you and me, his head just >> yeah. this this is -- >> jimmy: you crushed it >> thank you >> yes be pretty generous slowly retreats into his neck. >> jimmy: it was fantastic >> jimmy: -- dulce de leche. [ laughter and applause i loved it >> thank you >> and then here's a little [ cheers and applause trick. this thing turns >> jimmy: on both sides, hosting and musical. >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. you were both great. [ laughter ] >> you're going to start - >> yeah. >> jimmy: everything was great >> jimmy: all right. how did it feel to you yep. >> it was the absolute most terrifying week of my life okay, good that wasn't just mitch mcconnell, a couple of so i got this. other senators also fell >> this is speed decorating. asleep >> jimmy: it was, right? >> jimmy: yeah, so i got that. meanwhile adam schiff looked >> yeah, it was super scary. >> yep, yep, yep spread it in even layers like he spent the night i showed up literally the day dropping adderall into his four we were starting, which is a >> jimmy: yep. that looks good right there. loko >> okay. >> jimmy: like, i would serve this [ laughter ] a monday, because you know, we do the whole week. >> ooh pretty good. >> jimmy: yeah okay >> jimmy: right, not bad >> and i was just walking around being like, "are you >> so then, take your third sure you want me to do this? layer. >> jimmy: third layer of cake. like you couldn't get, like, >> now, this layer is going to yesterday a few senators stepped away from the hearing go upside down so just actually as you have and gave interviews in the emma stone or something? it hallway, which brings us to [ light laughter ] other way. >> jimmy: oh a new segment called "ted cruz, was every single person busy, >> so the flat side is on top. please stop saying that. >> jimmy: because? and you picked me? >> you have a level, really flat cake. >> jimmy: level playing field. and they really rooted for me, ♪ so - >> jimmy: when it was over, were you relieved? frosting >> jimmy: i got to bring my >> you know, there's an old or did you feel like you want other offset spatula saying that if you have the to do it again >> i was sad >> yeah, big guns. i want to do it again. >> jimmy: no, is that what we facts, you bang the facts. >> jimmy: yeah, you do bring? what are we doing? if you have the law, you bang the law. >> i've done it every year for >> yes >> jimmy: what is this for the past three years >> i'll show you if you don't have either, you >> jimmy: that's right, how -- that's for later [ laughter ] bang the table >> i know. >> jimmy: okay >> do you want to use well, this afternoon we've seen >> jimmy: this appearance on chocolate? a whole lot of table-banging saturday will be your -- >> my fourth time. >> jimmy: yeah, sure >> okay, i'm going to go with >> jimmy: really vanilla. >> yeah. this is cream cheese frosting, [ laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's amazing classic. can't go wrong >> i know. >> jimmy: but this weekend, >> jimmy: hey, my wife always you're the musical guest >> yeah.g? puts cream cheese in frosting. >> jimmy: wow. >> okay, put a lot on. i won't tell anyone. this is how -- i'm going to show you how to decorate >> jimmy: okay i'm watching you i'll be performing - >> you start with a lot. [ applause ] >> jimmy: yep. gotcha, gotcha wow. meanwhile before leaving a big >> and it's easier to take economic conference in frosting away -- >> jimmy: it is? >> rather than add on. switzerland today, trump sat >> jimmy: uh-huh >> i have a mic on >> jimmy: really >> so start with a lot down for an interview with cnbc and was asked for his thoughts i will be performing, "you should be sad," which is my -- and then you want to just -- on elon musk [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: usually mine is ice which is my -- cold [ laughter ] >> jimmy: beautiful. >> that's good, that's good. check it out i think that's enough, yeah, >> -- country hoedown kind of song >> jimmy: yeah yeah [ laughter ] all right. >> you have comments on elon musk >> yeah. and now you can kind of start and then i'll be doing another song turning. >> jimmy: yeah >> well, you have to give him credit i spoke to him very recently >> and then work it all across and he's also doing the and i'll be playing guitar, and the surface. >> jimmy: yep. rockets. the whole thing is going to be live >> okay, a little freeform he likes rockets >> jimmy: it is starting to and i've never done a tv performance like that before look like ronald reagan or he does good at rockets too, by something. [ laughter ] it's very interesting. the way. [ laughter ] so it's going to be very it's a nice head of hair, my special. cake - >> jimmy: i don't think i have >> right, right. >> jimmy: it's so beautiful, it ever seen halsey play guitar >> i'm whipping it out okgo head. >> jimmy: sounds like a little >> jimmy: yeah, okay, go for >> and then work it across, kid describing buzz lightyear. it yeah down around the sides. >> jimmy: yep, work it [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause [ light laughter ] whipping it out. and you said - >> it looks great! "he does good with the rockets >> jimmy: you said like a -- >> keep spinning, keep he does good by the rockets. you're from new jersey spinning >> jimmy: oh, yeah, i forgot originally is that correct? i don't have a spinner at home >> yeah, yeah. i don't have a spinner at home trump then talked about needing >> jimmy: a jersey girl. >> you switch to this -- to protect geniuses like love that. >> yes >> jimmy: what [ laughter ] all right, so am i doing this elon musk. [ cheers and applause right? ashley - >> yes ashley nicolette frangipane. >> jimmy: all right, good. and you say that homemade cakes >> and i was worried about him should look like a homemade because he's one of our great >> jimmy: oh, is that your cake geniuses and we have to protect real - that's your name >> yeah. >> yes >> jimmy: they shouldn't look our geniuses we have to protect >> jimmy: you know what i would perfect. thomas edison. love to do i'd love to test your accent >> i like when deserts don't >> okay. >> jimmy: can you give me any look too perfect so maybe go ahead and grab your lyrics from, like, uh -- like french scraper we have to protect all of these "graveyard" or something >> jimmy: don't make me grab people that came up with in a jersey accent another tool >> yeah, yeah. okay, i do this a lot in this is insane [ light laughter ] originally the light bulb and rehearsals whenever i'm messing all right, wha>> jimmy: all right, so thi- the wheel and all of these around with my friends and all of my songs sound >> yeah, so hold it -- here's things hilarious in a jersey accent the trick. [ laughter ] like graveyard is -- hold it against the side of the [ jersey accent cakep. >> and then spin the cake. >> jimmy: yep. >> jimmy: we've all had those >> and that will help smooth it moments when you start talking oh, 'cause i keep digging out. >> jimmy: yep. and realize you're making no myself down deeper >> you have a nice smooth -- sense but there's no way out i won't stop 'til i get where [ laughter ] [ laughter ] you know you are. we've all been there [ both in trump voice i keep runnin' when both my oh, my god, oh, my god i love genius inventors feet hurt. it's going to fall off [ audience oohs okay all right. elon musk, and thomas edison, george foreman i won't stop 'til i get where you are. >> jimmy: okay, good sorry. that looks pretty good oh, when you go down all your >> okay, so now i challenge you [ laughter ] darkest roads -- do a decorating contest. [ laughter ] the flex tape guy. i would have followed all the >> jimmy: how much time on the >> steve: the slap chop. way to the graveyard clock? >> jimmy: slap chop. 30 seconds all right, go! [ laughter and applause i'll do oreo ♪ >> steve: shamwow. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: all the way! [ laughter ] >> all the way >> jimmy: we have to protect >> jimmy: all the way! these geniuses put them in a plexiglas. >> all the way ♪ ♪ [ laughter ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause put them in a bird cage. >> jimmy: that's fantastic >> yeah. >> jimmy: but jersey, that's where you got everything [ light laughter ] ♪ that's where you got - all right. >> steve: you know >> that's where i got everything >> jimmy: that's what you did. how much time? >> jimmy: put all of the how much time! someone tell me! geniuses in a bird cage and protect them you became you, right? i mean, you also learned how to [ laughter ] >> seth: everything bagel be an artist in jersey ♪ spice. >> jimmy: stop talking >> i did a lot of arting in >> steve: super geniuses jersey >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: don't understand what i'm doin - >> jimmy: you can put >> jimmy: i heard you can art thank you. everything bagel spice on teard that you can make portraits pretty >> oh, my god. >> audience: ten, nine, anything, it tastes better it really does quickly of people. eight -- >> jimmy: eight, seven, six, it really does five, four, three, two, one. is that true >> usually myself, yes it's an amazing thing. >> jimmy: yeah this is interesting. i read that princess cruises but i was thinking we could happy new year just set sail on a 111-day maybe challenge -- >> oh, my god. happy new year >> jimmy: you can draw a [ buzzer ] [ cheers and applause around the world cruise. a portrait of me >> there's so much stuff back here aire saffitz, everyone, the >> jimmy: and i could draw a clear winner right there yes, 111-day cruise. a portrait -- i know [ laughter ] come on. it's endless ♪ they actually came up with some we have -- [ cheers and applause names for what to call the >> what is this? you are fantastic. check out "gourmet makes" on cruise and we have some of them for you right here is this charcoal >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] bon appetit's youtube channel. first there's "four months of dude i -- if i'm getting a a portrait of me, i want it hell." done quality i mean, i really want -- we'll be right back with more >> go to the boardwalk "tonight show. [ laughter ] then there's, "like that one >> jimmy: uh, no [ laughter ] stick around, everybody. scene in "bridesmaids" but for all right so - 111 days." [ laughter ] there's no winning and losing [ cheers and applause in art >> audience member: you got ♪ and finally there's, "where this, girl honeymooners disappear on day 50 on an all new >> okay. [ light laughter ] "dateline. >> jimmy: you got this, girl here we go >> when do we start? [ laughter and applause >> jimmy: one, two, three, go! you're not even looking at me. ♪ tom steyer: no child should have to worry 111 days too long guys, there was a new episode of "below deck" on monday and i ♪ love that show ♪ i don't think anyone knows it i'm gonna stop now >> why, how much time do i have better than me left >> jimmy: you have six seconds because that is my exact -- left, five seconds left. you didn't use any charcoal! three seconds, two seconds, no leslie --! charcoal, one, zero. [ cheers and applause here we go [ buzzer ] leslie jones, everybody! leslie jones i decided to stop on mine, because i felt like this is a win. leslie [ laughter ] what >> i'm stioi what are you - [ laughter ]so it's you -- you >> nobody -- nobkn "below deck" more than me. >> jimmy: oh, really >> trust trust. down - >> jimmy: there's only one way to settle this, it's time for >> jimmy, what is that a one-second quiz "below deck" >> jimmy: well, that's the part edition. here we go in your hair >> is that my ear? >> jimmy: yeah, i put your ear in there ♪ [ cheers and applause 'cause your ear was there. ♪ one second quiz below deck edition ♪ and the part -- why are you upset? this is -- [ laughter ] what are you talking about that's a beautiful - >> it's abstract [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. >> jimmy: here's how it works. is that a compliment >> yeah. we're going to play a video um - >> jimmy: this is -- clip from an episode of "below deck" but it's going to be just >> so i took the - >> jimmy: i will sign it for you. >> okay! one-second long. first one of us to hit this [ laughter ] button has to say what is i'll hang it on my fridge. >> jimmy: that's how i give autographs happening in that scene. [ laughter ] if we get it right, we get a that's how i give autographs to people i go up to people, i go, "i'll a point. sign something." ready for this and they go, "who are you? let's see the first clip i go, "you don't recognize me? >> kate, where are you going i'm jimmy kimmel." [ buzzer ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, i got it >> you go, "i'll do a portrait for you right now. that's when kate quits her job i think i missed -- i took a >> you're cheating a creative liberty with the assignment [ ding ] >> jimmy: i didn't cheat ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: now what are you talking about? >> well -- that's kate chastain [ drum roll the great kate chastain. i got distracted >> i love kate >> jimmy: me too she walked out >> she walked out. [ laughter ] she was a boss >> jimmy: okay >> jimmy: don't follow me. >> and i keep getting distracted >> don't follow me [ laughter ] >> jimmy: don't follow me! >> don't follow me >> jimmy: don't follow me. >> don't follow me >> jimmy: that's right >> i love kate >> jimmy: i love kate, too all right. [ cheers and applause about finding good food in school. next clip. >> oh my god so, when my wife kat and i ♪ learned california [ buzzer ] public school children >> that's when the too drunk couldn't get fresh produce in the cafeteria, girl got too drunk on the ♪ we took action. island and they had to bring we partnered with local farmers, school kitchens, a non-profit. her back on the plastic boat that program now serves over 300 million [ ding ] >> jimmy: that's right i'll sign it for you healthy meals every year. ♪ that's right [ laughter ] the difference between words and actions matters. and she was like - i didn't pay for - >> jimmy: done all right, perfect right there [ mumbling ] >> love, halsey. that's a lesson washington dc could use, right now. >> jimmy: that's for you, bud. thanks >> thank you let's trade. >> jimmy: i love this. i'm tom steyer and i approve this message. >> like, please go get some thanks i've never looked better, help actually >> i have an original [ laughter ] j. fallon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: let's take a look at >> jimmy: more w come back, everybody. our next clip. here we go stick around >> what did -- [ cheers and applause wean air force veteran made of doing what's right,. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> my favorite scene not what's easy. captain lee coming to straighten them out with no so when a hailstorm hit, usaa reached out shirt on [ laughter ] before he could even inspect the damage. you know what i'm saying ♪ that's like daddy getting up in the middle of the night like, "why are you all in this room? that's how you do it right. usaa insurance is made just the way martin's family needs it - making all this noise! i'm trying to sleep! trying to sleep! with hassle-free claims, he got paid before [ laughter ] [ applause ] ♪ his neighbor even got started. ♪ captain lee! >> jimmy: oh, i love that. because doing right by our members, that's what's right. all right, final round this one is worth 1,000 points usaa. what you're made of, we're made for. >> a thousand? >> jimmy: yep. here it is >> when did it get - here we go usaa only lexus asks questions like these. [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: you didn't even see it and mine super soft? because we believe the most amazing machines you pressed it before it came on yes. with the sleep number 360 smart bed, on sale now, you pressed before -- stop doing that stop doing that! are inspired by you. stop, stop stop doing that. you can both adjust your comfort with your sleep number setting. experience the rewards of our curiosity. >> i know what it is so, can it help us fall asleep faster? >> jimmy: what yes, by gently warming your feet. >> that's when stupid brian hit his knee and then the guy had but can it help keep me asleep? and ah mother nature sure doesn't cut any corners absolutely, it intelligently senses your movements and to come on the boat and give him some antibiotics and it when she paints a morning like that. still didn't work though and we know there is no shortcut to quality. automatically adjusts to keep you both comfortable. >> jimmy: that's right that's right ♪ so, you can really promise better sleep? you won. and that's why we use nothing but not promise... prove. i want to e ter. the very best sausage that money can buy. don't miss the final days to save $1,000 on the you win. leslie jones, everyone sleep number 360 special edition smart bed, now only $1,799. we'll see you later. paint yourself a beautiful morning. [ cheers and applause plus, 0% interest for 36-months. ends saturday. when you switch you get 4 free phones oh, she's great. and a super reliable, super fast network. finally this week there was an attempt to break the record for so make the best move of the year largest gathering of twins and switch to boost mobile. and over 14,000 pairs of twins showed up. asked how they described the event, organizers said, creepy really creepy. but one blows them all out of the water. [ laughter ] guys, we have a great show hydro boost with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells give it up for the roots right there. [ cheers and applause so it bounces back... ♪ neutrogena® and for body... hydro boost body gel cream. so it bounces back... we are literally going to hogwarts right now. ♪ this is unexpected. [ cheers and applause ahhhh! whoaaa! >> jimmy: we have a fun show tonight. halsey is here [exasperated sigh] [ cheers and applause this is incredible. [ cheers and applause we just got off hagrid, and it is by far the best ride... halseyee and applause >> jimmy: my thanks to halsey, this is universal... [visceral laugh and scream] leslie jones, claire saffitz, home of tripadvisor's number one park in the world. and the roots right there from and we're cooking with pastry cy philadelphia, pennsylvania so come join us. stay tuned for "late night with [ cheers and applause get our third park free and enjoy all three parks seth meyers. thank you for watching have a great night from "bon appetit. hope to see you tomorrow gourmet, yeah. good night, everybody! she's fantastic. from just $53 a day. restrins i also want to say i'm sorry to i dig because suddenly people think it's okay [ cheers and applause hear about the passing of ♪ terry jones. to talk on speakerphone in public. who was one of the funniest ♪ monty python what was that? oh nothing, just some lady digging a giant hole. one of the funniest comedians. i won't say he's the funniest because there's other living members of the python. ♪digging a huge hole every time one dies, i can't say they're the best so i'm just going to say, terry jones is one of the best but the other guys are equally funny. until they pass. and then they're forgotten about. [ light laughter ] the only way i would judge, because they're watching, the pythons, living ones, the good ones >> steve: right. >> jimmy: the best ones. and when they pass, i will sleep this amazing? forget about them, and the that's a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. [ cheers and applause remaining python will end up our liquid has a unique botanical blend, being the favorite while an optimal melatonin level means no next-day grogginess. >> steve: it's a battle. >> jimmy: well, no, it's just life zzzquil pure zzzs. that's the way it works. you live and you die naturally superior sleep. ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with the last remaining python will seth meyers. tonight -- gwyneth paltrow, host of "america's got talent: be the greatest. [ laughter ] and my lack of impulse control,, the champion," actor terry crews, but until then, terry jones, i love you is about to become your problem. journalists and authors philip rucker and carol leonnig, i will miss you. ahh no, come on. you were awesome [ applause ] i saw you eating poop earlier. featuring the 8g band with adam marcello. hey! ♪ [ cheers and applause guys, whenever i get some down my focus is on the road, ladies and gentlemen, time here at the show i like to seth meyers. go on instagram and scroll and that's saving me cash with drivewise. through the photos who's the dummy now? i love it. whoof! whoof! >> good evenin'm and, uh -- you don't believe that according to a new poll, sor >> steve: yes, we do so get allstate where good drivers save 40% bernie sanders has passed you scroll - >> jimmy: i love it, man one thing i noticed is -- joe biden and now leads the what's that? for avoiding mayhem, like me. >> steve: you love it so much. >> jimmy: i know democratic field nationally, and as is always the case when one thing i've noticed is that a lot of times two people will sorry! bernie passes someone, his write the exact same caption he's a baby! but the pictures they post will be completely different. i will show you what i mean in this next segment. it's time for "picture this. here we go [ cheers and applause ♪ picture thi picture this picture this yea picture this ♪ >> steve: drummy ♪ >> jimmy: all right. [ cheers and applause nice let's take a look at this first example of rachel maddow and eric trump both wrote the captioner, i promise i will get to the bottom of this i'climate is the number 1ove priority.sage. let's see the picture they posted rachel maddow posted a photo of her interview with lev parnas. i would declare a state of emergency on day 1. eric trump posted a photo of a a maze from "highlights" magazine congress has never passed an important climate bill, ever. [ laughter and applause this is a problem that continues to get worse. next up, canada and the dnc i've spent a decade fighting and beating oil companies... both wrote the caption, we have no idea how he ended up here stopping pipelines... stopping fossil fuel plants, canada posted a photo of prince harry. ensuring clean energy across the country. [ laughter ] the dnc posted a photo of how are we going to pull this country together? presidential candidate tom steyer we take on the biggest challenge in history, [ applause ] we save the world and do it together. >> steve: sure >> jimmy: sure, why not? moving on, here's one from blake shelton and rob gronkowski they both wrote, good eats on super bowl sunday. ♪ blake shelton posted a photo of chips and guacamole. [ cheers and applause gronk posted a photo of a tub >> jimmy: welcome back of elmer's glue. we're here with halsey, ladies [ laughter and applause and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause whose new album "manic" went straight to number one >> steve: good eats, man that's got to feel good, huh >> jimmy: here's a caption from greta thunberg and >> yeah, kind of insane. chuck schumer. they both wrote, they're rising every day. >> jimmy: it's pretty fun, yeah >> yeah. i haven't even really processed if you don't act now they'll never stop this week yet, you know? it's like you hold on to the greta posted a photo of global record so long while you're temperatures making it. chuck schumer posted a photo of and then everyone gets to have it jerry nadler's pants and you're like, "oh, yeah." >> jimmy: yeah >> kind of, yeah [ laughter ] well, i wrote every song on this album, which is -- i wrote [ applause ] every song on all of my albums but this one i just -- you know, i wrote my first album here's a caption from meryl streep and bernie sanders when i was 19. they both wrote, you never forget your first. it was very coming of age. i lived in brooklyn. meryl streep posted a photo of and i thought the world revolved around me her first academy award. as you do when you're 19 in bernie sanders posted a photo brooklyn of eve >> jimmy: sure >> and if not the if not the [ laughter ] world i thought at least the l train did. [ applause ] [ laughter ] yeah, i just -- you know, for me, it was kind of about being >> steve: wow. honest with my audience in a >> jimmy: next one is from ken jeong and mike pence a way that i never have gotten to before. >> jimmy: yeah >> i think everyone's just kind they both wrote, who's behind the mask of gotten to know me a little ken jeong posted a photo of "the masked singer." bit the past couple of years it felt safe to, kind of, give pence posted a photo of himself them some insight on, you know, ashley, the girl from jersey, alone staring longingly into who's more than, you know, halsey on stage with a a microphone and the theatrics his own reflection as rain and all that stuff cascades down the window [ laughter ] and finally here's one from burger king and arby's they both wrote, tastes just >> jimmy: yeah that's the first like meat. track on the album >> so, stripped it back. burger king posted a photo of its impossible burger. arby's posted a photo of its yeah, yeah classic roast beef sandwich. >> jimmy: i heard you on sirius [ laughter ] hits 1, which is one of my favorite stations. that's all the time we have for >> hosting, yeah "picture this. we'll be right back with halsey >> jimmy: i listen to it all the time [ cheers and applause and you were hosting it was so great. i loved your voice, loved your ♪ stories. and you told a story about jellies -- do you know -- >> fish? >> jimmy: no jelly sandals. >> those shoes >> jimmy: jelly shoes. >> jelly shoes >> jimmy: yeah >> oh, my god! okay, oh all right. aw >> jimmy: i know you love them? >> i did i had these purple jelly shoes when i was a little kid. and i wore them every single day. i literally wore the life out of them. and i went to visit my then you're not in the know. grandmother's friends. and they lived on a lagoon well, this has been nice, but can we not? like, on a --they couldn't afford to live on a shore. how about we invite everyone you work with, to work together? so they lived on a lagoon. and i put my shoes and ran out of the house be seen, be heard, be there when you're not. i was sitting on the dock. i was kicking my feet in the water. and my shoes weren't strapped. share your files, and your opinion. so one of my purple jellies and maybe even a happy little fruit guy. fell off and sunk to the bottom when you're ready to unleash the power of your team, of an 80-foot lagoon and i made my grandfather sit open teams. out there with a crab trap and try to get it. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: aw, i just -- well, i heard that story and i loved it and i went and found good ideas catch on fast. something -- and i just -- >> oh, my god, stop. >> jimmy: this is for you. >> oh, my god, stop. good, clean food, even faster. >> jimmy: they are not purple but they're close. order panera for delivery, catering or rapid pick-up these are blue jellies at panerabread.com. [ cheers and applause i knew you'd like them >> oh, my god! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i know you love them please you don't have to wear them.lli. >> my mom is going to cry when she sees this. >> jimmy: really >> "jimmy, was so nice for getting you those shoes, ashley!" [ laughter ] thank you! >> jimmy: halsey, we all know that you are an amazing singer >> that's an opinion >> jimmy: so i thought - no [ laughter ] i thought it would be fun if you and i performed a few songs. is that pretty cool? >> yeah. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: would that be all right? but here's the catch, to mix things up a bit, we fed these songs into google translate. and we're going to preform the jumbled lyrics right now you can get both an unlimited plan (paul) sprint has great news for you and your family. (sprintern) ...and the powerful new iphone 11 it's time for, "google (paul) ...included for just $35 a month when you switch. translate songs. [ cheers and applause (sprintern) whoa, what a deal! ♪ google translat songs ♪ (paul) now, that's a way to take it to 11. for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. >> jimmy: so if you've ever used google translate, you know it's not always perfect. for example, when translated to he's a systems quarterback. polish and back, "the tonight show starring jimmy fallon" becomes "today's program with jimmy fallon." where's the k?what? parked it right there. ♪ so we did the same thing with song lyrics. some people have done this online brake! hit the brake! uh, which one's the brake? it's super fun (crash, bottles smashing) halsey, since you're the guest, stop! stop! you will go first. you will be performing the sto-o-op! (brakes squealing) google translated version of "like a virgin" by madonna, which is now called "unwed what's happening? what? woman. there's a half of cheesesteak back there. with geico, the savings keep on going. [ laughter and applause just like this sequel. >> okay. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more >> jimmy: take it away >> let's go. ♪ on car insurance. raccoon: i got the cheesesteak! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i would buy that i love that. [ laughter ] all right. ♪ they're nearby >> it's so good. in 2016 i warned thatt donald trump was >> jimmy: it's my turn i'll be singing the google translated version of "abc" by the jackson 5, which is now a dangerous demagogue, called "alphabet." and when the republican congress wouldn't hold him accountable, [ laughter ] i went to work helping run roots? winning campaigns in twenty-one house seats. ♪ it's time for the senate to act refice and if they won't do their jobs, ♪ this november you and i will. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: that was a tough one that was a tough one, man. >> yeah, you got the hard one. >> jimmy: that was rough all right, you're up next. for this one you will be singing one of your own songs, "without me. which, when translated becomes "you soft head." [ laughter ] roots, whenever you're ready ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: i love it! [ laughter ] >> yes >> jimmy: i love it! >> yes >> jimmy: that is fantastic. >> you soft head >> jimmy: you soft head! amazing. all right our last one, let's do a duet, okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: this is the backstreet song -- >> classic >> jimmy: -- "i want it that way. we'll be singing the translated version which is called, "i desire roads." [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: roots? ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: halsey, everybody. [ cheers and applause her new album "manic" is available now. and you can watch her perform on "saturday night live" this weekend. stick around we'll be right back with more "tonight show. ♪ i never wan to hear you sa that i want it that way ♪ [ cheers and applause ♪ (whistling) (whistling) ♪ on iphone 11 that will have youh seeing double. right now, switch to t-mobile and get 2 lines of unlimited for only $90 and 2 iphone 11s on us. all on t-mobile's newest, most powerful signal that goes farther than ever before. get twice the deal, 2 lines of unlimited for $90 and 2 iphone 11s on us. ♪ only at t-mobile. ♪ hershey's. the original cookies n' crème. when we see you enter through our doors. we don't see who you're against, or for. whether tomorrow will be light or dark. all we see in you, is a spark. we see your kindness and humanity. the strength of each community. the more we look the more we find the sparks that make america shine. ♪ you care about the planet, but you don't drink like it. by 2050 there will be more plastic in the ocean than fish. brita. drink like you care. and here we have another burst pipe in denmark. if you look close... jamie, are there any interesting photos from your trip? ouch, okay. huh, boring, boring, you don't need to see that. oh, here we go. can you believe my client steig had never heard of a home and auto bundle or that renters could bundle? wait, you're a lawyer? only licensed in stockholm. what is happening? jamie: anyway, game show, kumite, cinderella story. you know karate? no, alan, i practice muay thai, completely different skillset. you know, the happiest place on earth, but... have you flown the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy? or channeled your inner jedi? you gotta love that... have you raced through radiator springs? or struck a power pose with them? now is the perfect time to feel like this... and this... and definitely that. kids enjoy the magic for just $67 per child per day, with a 3-day 1-park per day ticket. kids enjoy the magic for just $67 per child a former army medic, made of the we maflexibility to handle members like kate. whatever monday has in store and tackle four things at once. so when her car got hit, she didn't worry. she simply filed a claim on her usaa app and said... i got this. usaa insurance is made the way kate needs it - easy. she can even pick her payment plan so it's easy on her budget and her life. usaa. what you're made of, we're made for. usaa ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: our next guest is an emmy-nominated performer who has a new stand-up special called "leslie jones: time machine," which is available now on netflix please welcome leslie jones! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: oh, leslie jones i love you, bud. congrats i want to and talk about your stand-up special on netflix. but first let's talk "below deck." >> yes let's talk it. >> jimmy: because -- >> i got to get my -- this is -- by zendaya i have to say it >> jimmy: oh, really >> yeah, thank you, zen! you know i can call her zen! hey, thank you, daya >> jimmy: let's talking about you. your commentary, i follow you on -- instagram. have -- you comment on every move of the show and it's like everyone -- dude it's so funny. it is fantastic. >> i love doing it >> jimmy: but people -- do they -- people just want to watch tv with you? >> and they need to understand that that's not -- what you all see is what i give y'all it takes me three hours to do thatcause i stop, i wash clothes you know, i call my auntie you know what i'm saying i do a lot of stuff when i'm watching tv. that's not just all in one hour i'm doing like three hour, you know, between shows. but if you came to watch tv with me, you'd be like, "i want to leave." >> jimmy: can we talk about how do you like riley? what is wrong with you >> what is wrong with you? you know what i'm saying like, it's obvious that they're straight gas lighting this poor girl and we don't know how they're cutting it and i am not saying riley that don't have an atitude. but if you approaching three men who already don't like you and you getting that energy of like - well, i'm gonna approach you like that too. yeah, where you want the - [ laughter ] i got -- where you want it >> jimmy: no, but you can't come at me with that - >> no, no, no, no. you can't come at me like that if i come to work. then i got a three - >> jimmy: but when at work >> yeah, but that's what she trying to do she trying to be professional. >> jimmy: no, if you work, that's working [ laughter ] >> let me explain something to you. ashton is completely inappropriate. >> jimmy: sometimes. >> he's not a good boss. sometimes? >> jimmy: she showed up in - >> all the time. he has the most false professionalism that lives that man is a walking misogynistic biscuit [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: biscuit? >> and say something to me at the end if you think i won't kick you right in your --! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what are you talking about? >> cause they gon come up to me at the end, they said -- and i'm gonna be like get out of my face [ laughter ] get out of my face shut your pie hole tanner! >> jimmy: tanner >> shut your pie hole. >> jimmy: okay, oh, my god all right, stop, stop stop i don't want to get you hyped up [ screaming [ laughter ] all right, all right, all right. you got a point, very good >> that's how i am when i'm watching the show. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh, hilarious. you got to follow -- >> like, i'll be about to fight them >> jimmy: i was talking about on netflix you have a stand-up special called "time machine"! >> yes, "time machine! >> jimmy: "lelie jones: time machine. [ cheers and applause if you haven't seen it, watch it it is amazing. can you explain the idea of your act >> i just -- first of all, people didn't know me as a a standup, which was crazy 'cause all of my life, that's all i have been doing is stand-up and then i do "snl" and everybody's like, they only know me from "snl. >> jimmy: that's right >> so the first thing i wanted to do is give back to the comedy and just do a special so you all can really see exactly what it is i do on stage 'cause if you really watch it you will see that that's my love that's where my love is. >> jimmy: it is amazing. >> i love people to laugh. [ applause ] i love laughter. >> jimmy: isn't it great >> it's so good. especially if you surprisingly catch them it's like they're sitting there and they go -- [ immitates laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> that's the best laugh >> jimmy: i totally agree with you. >> yes >> jimmy: when you make that ugly face laughing >> you're just like, "oh." like, you can't even help it >> jimmy: it's the best. >> no, what i love is that when i mess with someone and they're laughing as hard as everybody else >> jimmy: dude, i saw you at caroline's - >> yes >> jimmy: a year ago maybe >> yeah, 'cause i was preparing. >> jimmy: what a show. how long did you preform it was amazing >> it's like, an hour and a half >> jimmy: an hour and a half >> yeah, but lenny came and killed all of that >> jimmy: oh, really >> lenny came -- my writer, lenny marcus, he came on the road with me now, i'm a black comic so black comics is like, we can do an hour and a half and that's dope. >> jimmy: yeah >> like, you know, i gave my hour and a half. i came off the stage and lenny was like, "nobody wants to see you after 58 minutes!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: really >> "cut it out at 58 they want to leave, leslie they want to leave!" and i was like - >> jimmy: no and then i love -- only you could do this. you got the writers and creators of "game of thrones" to direct this special >> because i'm a g [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: how did you get "game of thrones" to direct a stand-up comedy special? only you can do this >> well, you know, don't laugh okay, so i had a list of directors i wanted you know me, highfalutin you know so i was like steven spielberg lorne was like, "no. he does not agree with - i was like, "lorne, call stephen for me." he was like, "first of all, no and second of all, he's busy." so i was like, "okay, i know j.j. and i was like, "j.j. abrams." and j.j. was like, "no, i'm doing 'star wars.' i got, you know, do this. and then i was like -- >> jimmy: wait, you act like that's a sentence. you just said that you just said that sentence. "no, i'm doing 'star wars.'" yeah it's a giant movie >> you know, whatever. you know, "i can't stop for your special." you know what i'm saying but i love j.j but then i was like, "okay, wait a minute, it's right up under my nose. like, "who else can catch action but somebody who shoot a dragon?" [ laughter ] and what am i, a dragon! >> jimmy: that's right you're a comedy dragon [ laughter ] [ applause ] you're a comedy dragon and they did it. i love that you did it but i love the idea of time machine. >> yes >> jimmy: so basically what you do is you compare yourself to you and your 20s >> yes first of all, i want people to know -- first of all, i'm 52 life is what it is like -- let me tell you something. everybody always say, "life is short. no, it's not it's very long [ laughter ] it's very long and i want people to know i had a 20s. and i know what you 20-year-olds think you're going through. ya'll not having fun i know what it is to be 30 i know what it is to be 40 and now i'm 50 i want people to embrace the wonderfulness of your individuality. [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: embrace the 20s. embrace everything i want to show everyone a clip here's leslie jones in her new netflix special, "leslie jones: time machine." take a look. >> my funniest night -- one of my funniest night in my 20s, i started at work. yeah, i was at work. doing shots in the back. [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, man. i don't care about getting drunk at work in my 20s. [ bleep ] i could work at any popeye's you know what i'm saying [ laughter ] franchise, it's a franchise. i ended up butt naked in a jeep wrangler going around in a a circle saying happy halloween. [ laughter ] bitch, it was christmas. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: leslie jones, everybody! >> true story. >> jimmy: that's a true story! >> true story. >> jimmy: "leslie jones: time machine" is available now on netflix. claire saffitz joins us after the break. stick around come on back [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) once-weekly ozempic® is helping many people with type 2 diabetes like james lower their blood sugar. a majority of adults who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. here's your a1c. oh! my a1c is under 7! (announcer) and you may lose weight. adults who took ozempic® lost on average up to 12 pounds. i lost almost 12 pounds! oh! (announcer) ozempic® doeno the risk of major there's no increased risk. oh! and i only have to take it once a week. oh! ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. do not share needles or pens. don't reuse needles. do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or family history of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. serious side effects may include pancreatitis. tell your doctor if you have diabetic retinopathy or vision changes. taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase low blood sugar risk. common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. once-weekly ozempic® is helping me reach my blood sugar goal. ♪ oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! ♪ (announcer) you may pay as little as $25 per prescription. ask your health care provider today about once-weekly ozempic®. barbara? you are one hot old el paso tortilla bowl. ugh. mom, dad. i'm right here. are those peppers? japaleños. spicy. caliente. i've got to get my own plate. anything goes in old el paso. (paul) sprint has great news really great news!amily. you can get both an unlimited plan... (sprintern) ...and the powerful new iphone 11 (paul) ...included for just $35 a month when you switch. (sprintern) whoa. what a deal. (paul) and, sprint has a 100% total satisfaction guarantee. while i think their network and savings are great, you don't just have to take my word for it. try it out and see the savings for yourself. so, take it to 11, with iphon at spri! for people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay.com. (worried) i'm not picking it up. you pick it up! i'm not picking it up! i'll pick it up! they're clean! (raps) 'cuz my hiney's clean. oh yeah i'm charmin clean. charmin ultra strong just cleans better. enjoy the go with charmin. we're a lot alike. just two dudes getting paid to do what we love. only difference is you never get booed... [woman in crowd] we love you, big orange! ...and of course the salaries. mainly the salaries. try investing with e*trade. they make it easy to get started, without all the typical finance jargon. that's the spirit, keep on smiling! don't get mad. start investing with e*trade. don't get mad. hey allergy muddlers... achoo! ...do your sneezes turn heads? try zyrtec... ...it starts working hard at hour one... and works twice as hard when you take it again the next day. zyrtec muddle no more. and now for their service to the community, we present limu emu & doug with this key to the city. [ applause ] it's an honor to tell you that liberty mutual customizes your ins