Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Alex RodriguezLili Reinhart, comedian ian lara, and featuring the legendary roots crew questlove 1156 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you very much, everybody. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it youre here. [ cheers and applause thank you for being here you look good. Well, lets get to some news it just came out that donald trump jr. s new book is now number one on the New York Times best seller list when he heard that, President Trump was like, you lost me at New York Times and lost me again at don jr. [ light laughter ] im just kidding trump was actually pretty excited for don jr he even tweeted, wow, was just told my sons book triggered is number one on the New York Times best seller list congratulations, don. Thats a pretty special moment for don jr until a few minutes later when trump tweeted, just got hacked ignore last tweet. [ laughter ] steve wow. Come on. Why, why jimmy well, tomorrow the impeachment hearings continue, and were going to hear from Marie Yovanovitch the ambassador to ukraine that trump fired. Im a little worried, because if every person trumps ever fired is going to testify, the impeachment is going to last forever. Its like [ laughter ] lil jon, please raise your right hand. What . Yeah [ light laughter ] do you swear to tell the truth . Okay [ laughter ] tomorrow, all the regular daytime tv shows will be preempted again for the impeachment hearings but to keep viewers happy, they are getting the price is right announcer to tell the witnesses to, come on down [ laughter ] youre the next witness in the trump impeachment. But after tomorrows testimony, another eight witnesses are going to testify next week just a word of advice for the democrats. If you preempt another five episodes of the Kelly Clarkson show no one is going to support you. Okay [ laughter ] come on. Dont do that. Some entertainment news. I saw that netflix and nickelodeon are teaming up to make movies and tv shows for kids yeah, right now netflix is competing with disney to make sure your kids never go outside again. Steve oh [ laughter ] jimmy everyone is still talking about disney . It launched this week. It features almost 500 different movies steve wow. Jimmy yeah, i was looking through it this afternoon. And, sure, it has all the classics, but there are some pretty obscure movies that i didnt even know existed for instance, im not too sure about this one lady and the tramp stamp. Steve wow. [ laughter ] i never even heard of that jimmy you never no, its real i didnt also, i had no idea that they made herbie fully loaded on bath salts. [ laughter ] steve what is Buddy Hackett in it i mean, thats crazy jimmy next one is unfortunate. Sleeping beauty takes ambien and tweets something racist. [ laughter ] steve oh, my gosh. They made that as a movie . Jimmy i mean, you have a a lot of options on disney . Steve wow. [ light laughter ] jimmy the next movie will ruin anyones dinner pluto cant stop scooting. Steve okay [ laughter ] why would they make that as a movie . Jimmy i dont know i dont even know why i watched it twice steve you watched it twice jimmy yeah, i loved it [ light laughter ] there is also this very unnecessary sequel the sound of music from the nazis perspective. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] why would they do that steve why . Why would you need that . How was it jimmy i didnt see that one. Steve okay [ laughter ] this movie is depressing honey, were the right size, but i think weve grown apart. Steve wow. [ laughter ] wow, thats a downer jimmy no twist or nothing. Steve disney . Jimmy yeah and finally, check this one out. Frying dory. Steve oh, my [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] jimmy i mean the omega the omega threes alone steve yeah, yeah its good its heart health its heart health. Jimmy some tech news apple Just Announced that theyre launching their most powerful laptop ever, the new macbook pro at a cost of 6,000 steve ooh. Jimmy yeah, 6,000 for something hot to sit on your lap. Ot as most guys call that, a a Bachelor Party hey. [ light laughter ] and this is cool the Worlds Largest starbucks opens tomorrow in chicago. Check this out look at that [ audience ohs ] the place is huge. Its 35,000 square feet. Five stories high. Best of all, it has two outlets. Steve oh [ laughter ] you gonna be done with that outlet jimmy thats right its a starbucks thats vefi stories high i think i know how this happened when the builders said, what size do you want . The starbucks people were all like, tall. [ light laughter ] seriously, the starbucks is massive. Ill give you an idea. When you ask for the bathroom key, its attached to a car door steve wow. [ light laughter ] jimmy i saw that food brands post and hostess [ light laughter ] thats how thats how big it is steve thats how big it is thats a pretty big thing. Cars are pretty big. Jimmy yeah i always love that they embarrass you with the keys to the bathroom like, can i have the key to the bathroom . Theyre like, sure. And they give you like a hub cap or something [ light laughter ] steve or a cinderblock steve a giant espresso machine. Yeah, ill pick my dont embarrass me i saw that food brands post and hostess are teaming up to make a twinkies cereal. That story again, post and hostess are teaming up to give stoners diabetes [ laughter ] and, you guys, finally im very excited about this Alex Rodriguez is my guest tonight. [ cheers and applause hes here promoting his show called back in the game, which is about helping athletes manage their finances. Arod has some really good Financial Advice he tells people it helps to save, it helps to invest, and it helps to marry an actress worth half a billion dollars [ cheers and applause we have a great show give it up for the roots, everybody. Come on. [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Alex rodriguez is here [ cheers and applause arod love that guy. Lili reinhart is here. Oh, my goodness. [ cheers and applause and weve got standup from ian lara, everybody. [ cheers and applause guys, its the end of the week and thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. You know, i check my inbox, i return some emails, and, of course, i send out thank you notes. [ scattered cheers ] and so i was just wondering if you guys wouldnt mind been running a bit behind. If you guys wouldnt mind, id like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. Is that okay with you . [ cheers and applause james, can i get some thank you writing music please [ light laughter ] steve he is pumped jimmy he is in a good mood steve he really wants to hear these thank you notes [ light laughter ] i think he just watched herbie full loaded. [ laughter ] yoink. So you have disney . Jimmy whats that . [ laughter ] steve so you got disney jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah steve thats great saw all those movies jimmy yeah, yeah i did. Thats right [ light laughter ] steve i was thinking about getting it [ laughter ] jimmy but then you didnt do it. Steve my kids are older. Jimmy but then you didnt do it. Yeah steve john is 24 today you know its his birthday now jimmy yeah happy birthday, john higgins [ cheers and applause he can still enjoy a good movie every now and then anyway thats great. I hope he has a great day. Steve aw, me too if i ever see him again. [ laughter ] jimmy if you ever see him again . You havent seen your child in a long time . Steve no [ light laughter ] jimmy you dont have to elaborate. Steve okay [ light laughter ] just weve grown apart, you know what i mean [ laughter ] its easy when theyre babies. You know what i mean hey, whats going on. Jimmy yeah, yeah, exactly. Steve they get older whatever blah [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah steve is dean jones in [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know i dont know if he is still around, to be honest steve was he in the jimmy dean jones steve yeah, dean jones jimmy the actor from the 60s and 70s . Steve herbie fully loaded, was he in that movie . Jimmy no, he was not i think he is unfortunately deceased steve oh, okay well, r. I. P. [ light laughter ] jimmy exactly right. Can we just turn his microphone off . [ laughter ] here we go thank you, Rockefeller Christmas tree, for doing what every outoftowner does best, block the sidewalk so someone can take your picture. [ cheers and applause i pressed the wrong button steve i got a thing. Its like a road jimmy thank you, new live action lady and the tramp movie on disney , for giving us something that no one asked for more realistic, sexy dogs [ laughter and applause steve yeah lady and the tramp [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, john bolton, for writing a book about your time in the white house. With any luck itll be just as successful as your first book. [ laughter and applause love that book steve love the lorax. Jimmy love that book steve speak for the trees. Jimmy thank you, arctic blast, for sounding like a a north polethemed sequel to the monster mash. [ light laughter ] it was the blas it was the arctic blas the arctic blast it was a glacier smash [ light laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] jimmy hey, theyre not all winners. [ applause ] steve yeah jimmy why couldnt you have interrupt me for that one . [ laughter ] i could have used you for that one. Yeah, yeah could have used your help there. Steve no, man, im good. Jimmy all right, cool. Steve yeah, i want to make sure youre good jimmy yeah im good, man. Steve that was not a good one. [ laughter ] jimmy that was okay. Steve it was okay, i guess youre right jimmy if i really committed to, like it was a blast steve right. [ light laughter ] jimmy youre right it wasnt that good. [ light laughter ] it was okay. You know, we tried steve yeah try another one. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, that moment when you turn on the oven light, for giving my turkey the chance to feel like a cabaret performer. [ laughter and applause thank you, motel gyms, for letting me get a great work out in with the broken elliptical, a halfdeflated yoga ball, and a creepy dude staring at me. [ laughter and applause thank you, tooth fick [ laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy thats pretty funny . Steve a little too much. [ laughter ] jimmy something funny over there, muchacho . Tariq i just love it when you you know. Jimmy what was that . Tariq i love it when youre killing it [ laughter ] jimmy hmm. Thank you, tooth picks on swiss army knives, for being perfect for rugged survivalists who are still like, do i have something in my teeth . [ laughter and applause youd tell me, right thank you, spare tire, for being a reminder that if we break down at least ill have an extra tire to stare at until triplea arrives [ laughter and applause you ever change a tire, tariq . Tariq um not in recent years, no. [ light laughter ] jimmy no like is that something your limo driver does now tariq i mean, i dont have a limo driver. That would be questlove. [ laughter ] steve wow. Jimmy its World Kindness day. Go for it. Tariq i thought that was yesterday. Jimmy hey, for me its every day, dude. [ audience aws ] steve ooh, nice. Tariq touche [ ding ] steve nice tariq touche jimmy love you guys. [ light laughter ] thank you, hot air balloons, for basically asking me to trust my life to a wicker basket, a giant sheet, and an open flame [ laughter and applause whats that . Steve will you marry [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, cough drops. Or as i call them, unjolly ranchers there you have it. [ laughter and applause those are my thank you notes well be right back with more of the tonight show [ cheers and applause im your 70lb st. Bernard puppy, and my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. Hey my focus is on the road, and thats saving me cash with drivewise. Whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof so get allstate where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry hes a baby get 25 off home decor, target holideals bedding, bath and more. This weekend only. Save on everything you need for when Friends Family come home for the holidays. New holideals arrive all season long. Only at target. Sleep this amazing . Thats a zzzquil pure zzzs sleep. Our liquid has a unique botanical blend, while an optimal melatonin level means no nextday grogginess. Zzzquil pure zzzs. 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[ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy hello, and welcome to todays game im jimmy fallon and if youre wondering, yes, theyre real [ laughter ] yes, they are and im Alex Rodriguez and you can call me little [ cheers ] cutie. Wait, juicy fruit booty. Jimmy, can i be honest i have an idea what am i doing here and what baseball is back to you, cynthia what [ laughter and applause jimmy well, gonzales steps up to the plate. Hes hoping to raise his batting average. But me, im hoping to raise my cholesterol which is [ laughter ] why i eat one hard boiled egg at breakfast, one at lunch, one at dinner and one right before making love. [ laughter ] you know, baseball actually reminds me a lot of making love jimmy oh, yeah why is that . Its slow, boring [ laughter ] and you always leave early to beat the traffic [ laughter and applause jimmy hey, just a just a quick reminder that tomorrow night at the stadium is rat night. [ laughter ] first 20,000 fans to arrive will get a free, live rat. [ laughter ] for tickets to the game, call our number at 212wetrat extension 12 [ laughter ] ask for lenny kravitz. No, not that lenny kravitz, a different lenny kravitz. Anyway, hes a good dude hell hook you up with a rat [ laughter and applause heres a fun fact i never used to shower after games. Jimmy oh i used to strip down in front of my locker and lick myself [ laughter ] clean my little kitty cat and meow, meow [ laughter and applause jimmy what makes taylor such a good pitcher is that he throws a blinding fastball, a wicked changeup, smelly curveball, super horny splitter and a boozy daiquiri oinkoink. What does the hog say . [ laughter and applause i was i was thinking they should make a space jam for baseball jimmy oh, yeah ill play bugs bunny and say his famous catch phrase, hows it going, doctor. [ laughter and applause jimmy you know, when i root for a team, i like to say my favorite cheer oh, mama, dalai lama, charlie sheen, barack obama. [ laughter ] tickle me, ill tickle you seal my butt with elmers glue. [ laughter ] i actually won the mvp in 2003, 05 and 07. But he dont fool by the rocks that i got im still ally from the block. [ laughter ] bazinga. [ cheers and applause jimmy we should [ cheers and applause we should do that more often we should we should. Jimmy stick around well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. [ cheers and applause Alex Rodriguez when i think of what my imagination looks like. [laughs] i mean, wow. The surface is a tool that helps me realize beautiful ideas. Were honored to have you on campus for taflac icial visit. Coach saban, how is aflacs Program Different from Health Insurance . Well aflac gives you money directly, for things Health Insurance doesnt cover. Aflac we put together a little highlight reel for you. Heres aflac helping you with your deductible. Copays. Out of pocket costs. You look good paying bills. Get to know us at aflac. Com of millions of americans during the recession. So, my wife kat and i took action. We started a Nonprofit Community bank with a simple theory give people a fair deal and real economic power. Invest in the community, in businesses owned by women and people of color, in affordable housing. The difference between words and actions matters. Thats a lesson politicians in washington could use right now. Im tom steyer, and i approve this message. Only lexus asks questions like these, because we believe the most amazing machines are inspired by you. Experience the rewards of our curiosity. Repeat after me. Hi am grateful. Audience i am grateful. Nice. I am joyful. Audience i am joyful. And i am getting all the gifts i need this holiday. audience screams you get a sweater you get a coat you get all the gifts what . hurry in to shop forty percent off everything. Thats forty percent off everything now, at old navy. [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest is a a baseball legend and the founder and ceo of arod corp. He has a new show called back in the game which airs wednesday nights at 10 00 p. M. On cnbc. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Alex Rodriguez [ cheers and applause jimmy we love you. Thank you so much for coming back last time you were here, i made you tell me all about your elaborate proposal to jlo and everyone it was so funny. [ cheers ] cause i mean, he practiced it with his assistant the night before ashley [ light laughter ] jimmy you knew exactly what time the sun was setting it was awesome now i want to know Wedding Planning is this worse . Or is it more fun or what . I mean, are you planning it . Are you working on it . I would say its stressful, but its really not. Its actually you just let jennifer plan everything and you just say, alright. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah exactly right. But is the tricky the thing that everyone is going to ask you is are you going to do a choreographed first dance. Ooh jimmy yeah, its jlo. Anything to do with dance, i kind of just try to take a back seat shes a professional dancer. Jimmy i know i know but i told you last time when i have a few cocktails, im not awful. Jimmy okay [ laughter ] a little vodka, a little soda jimmy yeah im okay. Jimmy so maybe we can see that you work something out. Have you picked the venue yet . No, not yet jimmy i have a good idea tell me jimmy the super bowl [ laughter ] shes doing the halftime show. She is . [ cheers and applause jimmy everyone would love it it would be the first time anyones ever done it. Its, like, a hundred Million People watching. No ones ever done it a a wedding during the super bowl halftime show. [ light laughter ] it would just be epic. Come on. A hundred Million People . Were trying to think a little bit smaller. Jimmy no [ laughter ] more like jimmy no, no, no more like a hundred people maybe. Jimmy no, yeah if you do that, then you dont have to worry about not inviting people. Thats right. I can probably save some money jimmy exactly, right nfl, fox, they all pay for it jimmy we found a i found a video, an old of you an interview that you gave. And i just want to show it tonight. cause i thought okay. Jimmy it was pretty this is from 1998 i believe heres Alex Rodriguez. What would a dream date with Alex Rodriguez be . Jennifer lopez. Hopefully you can find me a date with her. [ cheers and applause jimmy dude, not only [ cheers and applause that means that dreams actually do come true in america. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah not only did you date her, youre marrying her. But, jimmy, it took me 20 years [ light laughter ] and by the way, the swagger with the hat backwards and the gum . I mean, you got to be young to be [ laughter ] that cocky and that confident. You got to be young. Jimmy no young and stupid. Jimmy no, no absolutely not thats so cool i love that. That was fun. Jimmy not only that, you have the big wedding coming up but also you have a an anniversary. Its been 10 years since you won the world series with the new york yankees thats right. Jimmy the anniversary [ cheers and applause it was amazing it was the best time of my life it was jimmy heres a picture of when you you guys celebrating. That is unbelievable that was so great. [ cheers and applause that was great. Jimmy what a great team. You also theres sneakers that they released commemorating the world series yeah. Jimmy the 10 years same anniversary i got out of the corps and i always wanted a sneaker with a kind of a little bit championship twist on it 10 years and Charles Barkley growing up always had these little clicks so i wanted to incorporate that into my sneakers so 10 years anniversary the corps. Pretty cool. Jimmy yeah, thats right i like those [ cheers and applause what about this what about this world series . Do you have any stories that you remember from the world series 2009 . You know, jimmy, i remember you coming to the games back then and it was it was such an amazing time because winning a championship in new york, theres really nothing like it. You cant really even describe it but you know, i think one of the big keys was when johnny damon came over from the red sox to join the yankees. He was the perfect sauce for our team i remember he was begging me to go out all year to go out to karaoke in koreatown jimmy really and i said, well, you know, not during the season. Maybe in the offseason. Anyways, he finally convinced me after we beat the angels in the alcs right before the world series, we had about four games. Well, we went out and we got bombed we got bombed. [ light laughter ] and we came out and the sun was out. We went in koreatown, i think we came out of dominican town. [ laughter ] and i was like, where are we . So literally we lose game five were going back to new york now were in the world series a week later and hes like, we just lost the game press is all over us game six, we need one more for the championship. He goes, hey, rod, in the locker room. Lets go get bombed again in karaoke. I said, are you crazy we play tomorrow we have Andy Pettitte on the mound. We got to get our sleep. He goes, oh, youre so stiff. Im going to go to koreatown im going to get drunk and were going to win the championship. Jimmy no [ laughter ] really thats exactly what happened the next day [ laughter ] we won the championship. So thats [ cheers and applause jimmy so youre loose yeah, yeah. Jimmy so youre just, like, loose, and like, hey. Yeah. Jimmy whats going to happen is going to happen right . Thats exactly right and not over thinking it that whats john johnny damon just brought an element of confidence and swagger jimmy i love that. And just not over think it. And he was perfect jimmy i want to talk about your new show. I love it. Back in the game. I love this idea i love everything about it explain to everyone what it is yeah, so back in the game is basically taking athletes, entertainers and celebrities that have been gone from rags to riches to rags Michael Strahan is my partner. Hes my executive producer with we both produced it. And, you know, the bottom line is you have so many great people that fall on hard times jimmy sure and we all need coaching. I remember when i went through my really difficult time with my suspension in 2014. I had some incredible people who pull their hand out and helped me. Not only help me but coach me. And one thing about athletes, theyre great students and they want help and you think about evander holyfield, who i end up loving and grew up watching him. And seeing this guy being taken advantage of, and the way weve been able to put him back and put systems around him to help him get his life back in order jimmy but this this the third episode i believe, is Brian Dunkelman thats right. Jimmy who i knew from when i did standup in l. A. But he was, if you dont remember his name, the first he was the co host of American Idol with ryan seacrest. He was on this trajectory to become, you know, the next ryan seacrest. Now, ryan became came to be one of the biggest stars around. And brian just fell into tough times. cause he made some tough decisions. Jimmy yeah but then depression came in and you know as an athlete, they say you die twice, once when you retire and real death and i saw that first hand with brian. And we needed to get him back on his feet. Not have the victim own his mistakes because thats the most important part. But then what you started seeing is a guy that was talented, a guy that had charisma, a good looking guy jimmy yeah he went from American Idol cohost to driving uber. And its its jimmy yeah anyways, its so sad. And i had so many people call and they want to be a part of the show they want to be a part of this because its the right thing to do for these guys. And no one wants to see their legends fall on tough times like this. Jimmy its its a really cool episode i want to show everyone a clip heres Alex Rodriguez and former American Idol host Brian Dunkelman in next weeks episode of back in the game. Take a look. And how much were they paying you i was making, like, 18,000 a week so youre making around 72,000 a month. Oh, god right in 2002. Is there a small part of you that says, like, this is big money. I need this money for my family, for my future . Oh, my god. There was no thought of a family or no thought of a future it just it didnt register. By walking away from a show, does that automatically put you in a black list . Yes all of a sudden my manager never returned another call of mine and then i went three years without working. Drank too much, gambled too much, drugs. And i was high so my money went it went like that. Jimmy thats amazing [ applause ] good for you to help him out and get him on the right track i love this show im so happy youre doing it Alex Rodriguez, everybody. [ cheers and applause check out back in the game wednesday nights at 10 00 p. M. On cnbc. Well be right back with Lili Reinhart everybody. Stick around [ cheers and applause on the board. Whats on the board . 100 acts of good. State farm is challenging us, every good act we do goes. On the board. Its on. At state farm, were challenging ourselves to each do 100 acts of good. On the board little one. Im here with state farm employee max, who is saving a beached whale. Max. On the board on the board cheering this man has become an absolute hero. 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[ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is one of the stars of the Popular Series riverdale, which you can see wednesdays at 8 00 p. M. On the cw. She also stars in the hit movie hustlers, which comes out on dvd and bluray december 10th. Am i holding this up correctly is it that [ laughter ] is that it that all right. I just want to make sure im holding it right there you go, anyways please welcome Lili Reinhart, everybody. [ cheers and applause jimmy Lili Reinhart. Oh, we love you [ cheers and applause you look gorgeous on the cover oh, thanks. Jimmy i just didnt know if i was holding it correctly or not. No, i just got on the floor for that one jimmy yeah, why not . I was looking through another magazine mmhmm. Jimmy called Time Magazine the next 100 and guess whos on the list . You, my friend congratulations. [ cheers and applause jimmy thats pretty great. I know. Im kind of like, i dont know its very surreal. Its obviously the honor of a lifetime jimmy congrats to be on there. There you are right there if you want to see it youre on the list yeah, yeah [ cheers and applause you had a great a great year riverdale, you know im a big fan i know. Jimmy of yours, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i know, im 45 years old, but i still love it [ laughter ] youre great and is it season four . Season four jimmy wow. Isnt that something four years. Can you believe it jimmy i cant actually you are fantastic doing it [ applause ] thank you jimmy but do you enjoy doing it i do, i do. And, i mean, the kids on the show, were going to be graduating at the end of this season jimmy yeah so lord knows where well go next jimmy yeah yeah. And then, you get to do a movie like hustlers. Yeah. Jimmy are you it turned out to be one of the biggest movies of the year i yes. Jimmy congratulations. Thank you [ cheers and applause jimmy what was that what was that experience like i was just so stoked, so honored. Like, even when the cast list came out i was like oh, [ bleep ], im part of that . Like [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god just to see everyones names kind of all together, and then, it was funny, because it was like, cardi b. , lizzo, jlo, the white girl from riverdale. Jimmy no, thats no no, thats not true. [ laughter ] not at all thats me, i guess. Jimmy no you were great in the movie. Thanks. Jimmy your character had a a little quirk yeah. Jimmy to her whenever she got nervous or anxious, she would she throws up jimmy yeah she would vomit, yeah. Its so jimmy not the best for a a dancer no. Jimmy no, no, no its so strange though because after that movie came out and people were tweeting at me, theyre like, i can so relate. Im like, i cant. [ laughter ] ive never thrown up from being nervous. Jimmy what was it like i mean, did you have to just be like [ laughter ] did you do a lot of those . A lot of those takes where youre like [ laughter ] that was my audition, like [ laughter ] id like to right jimmy please welcome to the stage, cinnamon. And im like [ laughter ] cinnamons your stripper name jimmy cinnamon is my stripper name, yeah. [ laughter ] thats good no i mean, we would do the scene, and then, wed kind of pause and then, the prop people would run in with a cup full of fake vomit. Jimmy eh it was actually Animal Crackers and sprite mixed together jimmy what which is really i thought i was going to have a problem here because i have this really, like, ocd thing with, like, floaters in water. [ laughter ] and, like, drinks, like, if my drink has, like, a little floater in it im like get it [ laughter ] jimmy i want more of that. Like, that. Jimmy i want more of that in the movie thats where jimmy yeah [ laughter ] so, like jimmy i want yeah [ laughter ] for real [ laughter ] so it was like getting a cup jimmy buy the soundtrack by the way. Youre going to love the soundtrack of the movie. Right [ laughter ] its just me jimmy hooah [ laughter ] but so, like, having basically a cup full of jimmy oh something that looked like floaters in water was, like, my worst nightmare. But it was fine. Jimmy yeah, that would make me that would make me actually yeah. Jimmy be method acting [ laughter ] but it was jimmy if i looked at that, i would actually go, lets roll. It tasted okay. It tasted okay [ laughter ] jimmy it tasted not bad. Animal crackers and sprite yeah, just tasted like Animal Crackers. Jimmy its good to know that yeah. Jimmy congrats on that though thank you jimmy its getting great buzz thank you jimmy its getting oscar buzz, too. Yeah. Jimmy so congrats on that, its pretty fun. Thanks. Jimmy you brought something because we were talking last time, and you said, like, you used to write, you were writing things down when you or your friends got drunk, you would write things down on your phone just so you can remember that you said it. Yeah. For some reason, i felt like, you know, when i first moved to l. A. And i was drinking for the first time and getting drunk and that was like a whole new experience for me. And i thought that i was, like, being so philosophical or so saying all these revolutionary things that i needed to remember jimmy no, no, no, lili, no i know. [ laughter ] jimmy youll, when you get older, yeah. I know. Jimmy youll realize [ laughter ] even the next day jimmy oh, my im reading the list and im like, what the jimmy well, you brought a couple just so i can read it right now to give you an idea of what goes through my head when im not sober. Jimmy here we go this one says, its never a a skeleton dance, its a a skeleton jig. [ laughter ] that is something i said. I think i was watching probably a tim burton movie and there were skeletons dancing and i was like, you know what theyre never dancing. Its a jig its called a skeleton jig. Jimmy oh, my god [ laughter ] and this is something that i thought was jimmy this is really fun oh, this ones a good one. You cant you cant be taught to be a legend. Right [ laughter ] jimmy you you cant be were you talking in the you cant be taught to be a a legend jimmy were you talking in the mirror were you saying it in the mirror no. I have i dont remember [ light laughter ] jimmy it might be that one of your friends saying that . But thats a great one no, i said that jimmy oh, you said it . I dont jimmy you cant be taught to be a legend [ laughter ] probably referring to myself yeah good advice. Jimmy im sorry, youre cut off, yeah. Very good advice. Jimmy this last one is pretty good, i like it thank you jimmy if you had a pet goat and you didnt name it billie, who the hell are you [ laughter ] these are great. Thanks. [ cheers and applause jimmy you got to put a book out. Lili reinhart, everybody we love you. 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Ask your dermatologist if cosentyx could help you move past the pain of psoriasis. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest can be seen this weekend at the stand comedy club here in new york city. Making his late night debut, please welcome the very funny ian lara [ cheers and applause yeah thank you. Thank you guys thank you guys thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. Im happy to be here i just celebrated my 29th birthday. [ cheers and applause thank you. Thank you. Im 29 i got no kids. My family thinks right now is the perfect time to start thinking about having a kid. cuz i come from a very traditional family like my grandparents they just celebrated 59 years of being together. [ cheers and applause 59 years together. And theyre hispanic so [ laughter ] theyre thinking about getting married. [ laughter ] my grandmother might be the one. You know [ laughter ] when youre 29, no kids, and you come from a hispanic family, your family is going to want to talk about it. But sometimes, i dont like talking to them, because i feel they havent updated their dating mentality like, the other day, my uncle came up to me to give me advice he was like, listen, the first thing you need to understand about women is that women, they just want to hang out with guys with money. I was like, wow how could you say that about women . I mean, it is 2019. We all want to hang out with guys with money. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and i was trying to explain modern dating to my mom. You ever tried to explain how modern dating works to your parents . Theyve been out of the game for so long, they dont even understand how its supposed to go my mom got upset with me the other day. She was like, ian, i dont understand why you cant go out and meet somebody. Like, youre always out. Just meet somebody when youre out. [ laughter ] im like, are you crazy [ light laughter ] i cant just walk around meeting people [ light laughter ] its 2019. You got to meet online. [ laughter ] i dont know if were ready to admit this, but in todays world, meeting online is the appropriate way to meet another human being. [ light laughter ] in fact, whenever i talk to a guy today that tells me he met his girlfriend in person, i always think the guy is kind of a pervert. [ laughter ] im like, hold on so you was just going up to women and speaking to them thats disgusting. You need to be on some type of list. [ laughter ] yeah [ cheers and applause i dont know who raised you but we dont speak to women. [ laughter ] you find them on instagram and send them a message like a real man. [ laughter ] im thinking in a couple years, were going to see that on an episode of law and order special victims unit. [ laughter ] just a man walking up to women saying good morning and walking away [ laughter ] detective benson going to be like, we got to get this pervert off the streets. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause and i joke about it, but to be honest, its one of my biggest fears i worry as millennials, well never have that long lasting love that our grandparents and our parents got to have. Because were picky. We put a lot of pressure on our partners i read an article the other day that said that the number one turnoff for women right now is men with bad grammar which goes to show you how much more sophisticated women are than men [ laughter ] the fact that you wouldnt sleep with a guy because he has bad grammar. That would be like a guy not having sex with a girl because she has um [ laughter ] i cant even think of a real reason not to sleep with somebody [ applause ] and listen, its not just women doing it to men. We do it, too. Yall know we put a lot of pressure on our partners you know, i was talking to my boy the other day. I dont think hell ever settle down this is what he was telling me he was like, ian, im going to settle down. Im just looking for a girl thats going to ride or die for me you know [ light laughter ] like i dont ask for much. [ laughter ] my woman needs to be ready to die for me. [ laughter ] i was like, for what . You work at the home depot [ laughter ] why would she need to die for you . Plus, guys, listen, i dont know if you ever had a chance to date the crazy ride or die girls. But ill be honest with you, dont do it. [ laughter ] im serious. Ive dated a girl like that. She was crazy. She was always ready to fight no matter what she was down to fight. I remember one time, we were in her car. She was driving. I was in the passenger seat. And she cut some guy off in traffic. But then, we got stuck at the red light, so the guy she cut off, he ended up catching up to us he pulled up next to her and started yelling at her from his car window this girl looks at me and goes, give me one second. She gets out of the car and kicks the dudes sideview mirror straight off of his car, and then, she just hopped back in our car like Nothing Happened [ laughter ] she was like, so anyways, what was you saying . I was like, i wasnt saying anything at all. [ laughter and applause like im sorry i didnt know i was on a date with john wick you didnt mention that on your profile, you know . [ laughter ] it was the first time i actually got to feel what women feel when you go on these random dates like ladies, i get it now. [ light laughter ] i was so nervous, i was texting all of my boys, like, if anything happens to me, im with jessica make sure you look for jessica shes crazy. [ cheers and applause im ian lara you guys have been amazing thank you so much [ cheers and applause jimmy thats the way to do it buddy very good. Ian lara for more info, go to ianlaralive. Com. Well be right back, everybody fantastic job. [ cheers and applause kerrygold has a taste so rich it can take you to irelands lush, green pastures. Where grassfed cows produce rich, creamy milk for a truly delicious taste. Kerrygold. The taste that takes you there. A former army medic, made of the we maflexibility to handle members like kate. Whatever monday has in store and tackle four things at once. So when her car got hit, she didnt worry. She simply filed a claim on her usaa app and said. I got this. Usaa insurance is made the way kate needs it easy. She can even pick her payment plan so its easy on her budget and her life. Usaa. What youre made of, were made for. Usaa [ cheers and applause jimmy my thanks to Alex Rodriguez, Lili Reinhart, ian lara, once again, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause and the roots, right there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow byebye, everybody [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight sean hayes star of watchmen, actress jean smart from dickinson, actress Anna Baryshnikov featuring the 8g band with chris johnson. Ladi and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause seth good evening everybody, im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause that is great to hear. In that case, lets get to the news former Massachusetts GovernorDeval Patrick announced today that he is joining the democratic president ial race and sure, why not