Nothing but facts. Everyone is talking about how democrats want to impeach me very unfair. [ light laughter ] very unfair. Now Everyone Wants to know how i feel but really my advisor and favorite halloween decoration Kellyanne Conway said it best hes amused he thinks its funny. Hes amused. Shes right im amused [ laughter ] im amused thats how i look when im amused im amused because with me out of the office, you would be left with the worlds most salt mike pence wait a second, im getting word on my very real ear piece we received a statement from the whistle blower himself lets roll the clip. Hi, everyone, its me the whistle blower im going to let you know that i made a huge mistake when i blew my whistle donald trump is totally innocent if anything, it was about erasing the whole complaint thing. Once again, im innocent he is innocent. Once again, i am innocent. He is innocent. Wow, there you have it, america. I guess im off the hook after all. Next, joe biden was very mean to me in an interview, in an interview recently he was very mean to me [ light laughter ] he was very mean to me and he was very nasty, very nasty and very mean to me and very nasty very mean. Take a look at this. You should be looking at trump. Trump is doing this. Ill beat him like a drum. Wow those are some tough words coming from a tough man, but lets see how tough he looks what spaghetti is shooting out of his eyes you should be looking at trump. Trump is doing this. He knows ill beat him like a drum you got spaghetti [ air horn ] and finally, in tech news, the new ios 13 was just released and there are a lot of great features. Check out these features on this phone [ phone ringing stop, stop how do we get out of this bit . Lets get to the next story, please, please, please were coming to you live from new york city. Im jimmy fallon and this is the tonight show. Lets go, baby steve live from Rockefeller Plaza here in new york, its the tonight show with jimmy fallon now heres your host, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Hello, welcome [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. Wow. Great crowd. Have a seat. Welcome. Welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show [ cheers and applause got a bird living back there [ light laughter ] guys, im pumped because billy is my guest tonight. [ cheers ] billy, billy is incredible shes just 17 years and shes about to go on a world tour. I was touring a, this is our final live show this week. I want to thank our incredible staff for their hard work. Thank you guys [ cheers and applause i want to thank President Trump for making everyones job a lot easier lets get to news, they want to write articles of impeachment by halloween and you know they are bad when trump buys a costume and tries sneaking into mexico [ speaking Foreign Language [ light laughter ] looks like trump could be impeached some time around the holidays it will be weird when trump pardons a turkey and the turkey asks trump to pardon back. We had a deal. A poll finds 47 of americans approve of impeaching trump or as trump put it, my Approval Rating is up to 47 . Thats good. 47 of americans are in favor of impeaching President Trump pretty interesting poll. Take a look at this. 47 said i think trump should be impeached 30 said i do not think trump should be impeached. 20 said, i want to know more about the whistle blower before i make up my mind. 10 said what else is there to know didnt you read the report 35 said, i started reading it but didnt finish. [ laughter ] super busy week 15 said really carl, because im pretty sure he spent all of thursday working on your fantasy football lineup. You were not 45 said well, i know you were busy jody spending free time spying on me for your information that team counts on me, im the owner and general manager. [ light laughter ] 50 said thats the best job youre ever going to get carl because i dont think they have that position at panara. [ laughter ] 30 said hey, you know panara is a great place to meet i heard you say it countless times. 12 said i was lying, carl what am i supposed to say your career is a failure like our relationship is that why you cry yourself to sleep every night . 38 say those are tears of joy, jody because my team is doing so well pretty soon i wont need a job 44 said no, how will panara ever recover from losing you who will make their bread . They will run out of bread 24 , thats the only place in my life where there is passion, jody, the only place got me [ cheers and applause interesting poll very interesting very interesting poll. Meanwhile, Mitch Mcconnell said if the house impeaches trump, the senate will immediately hold the trial and here is how i think the trial will work. Rudy giuliani will make an Opening Statement and five seconds later, trump will be impeached. And nancy pelosi thinks attorney general william barr who is implicated in the scandal has gone rogue do we see william barr when this guy goes rogue its usually putting on different wigs to keep getting free samples at costco how are you doing . What is that how are you doing there, partner is that some type of sausage thing . You got chicken sausage . Ive never been here before. What is that nancy pelosi has been all over the tv this week nancy pelosi and one interview i could have sworn she put a a wind machine check this out the law is very clear once this information comes and seems credible and of urgent concern by the inspector general. She is riding that impeachment train and feeling herself. Here she is five minutes later look at this [ laughter ] in the meantime trump is sounding off on twitter. This morning he once again tweeted it was the perfect conversation with ukraine president. Is it me or trump trying to sound like ross from friends we were on a break ross just came in 2017, trump told the russians that he wasnt concerned about the meddling in our elections. Here is the russian official trump made the comments to yeah, wow. [ light laughter ] wow. That guy makes william barr look like zac efron. [ laughter ] the whole week is crazy. Let me sum it up with three kermits. Basically, democrats are like this trump is like this [ light laughter ] and hillary is like this [ laughter and applause summed it up in three kermits. [ cheers and applause three. Steve three of them. Jimmy all right. So jason addressed the United Nations on Climate Change today. As soon as he walked in, everyone at the u. N. Is like dang, it is getting hotter i mean, hi, hi this is fun. The new animated movie comes out today about a yeti named everest. If you need something to do with the kids, tell them its the frozen sequel and pray they dont notice. [ light laughter ] police in indiana are looking for the thieves that stole 50,000 apples from a local orchard. Right now some kingpin someone is screaming you idiots robbed the wrong apple store. We have a great show, guys give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Billie eilish is here. [ cheers and applause and my man sebastian manisc arkalco. [ cheers and applause its time to play a game of deception called true confessions [ cheers and applause jimmy my first opponent tonight announced her 2020 where do we go world tour welcome Billie Eilish [ cheers and applause billie and i will be facing off [ cheers ] billie and i will be facing off against a saturday night live legend he has a new special on netflix called red state, blue state give it up for colin quinn, everybody. [ cheers and applause came in hot, buddy yeah, i did guys, here is how it works. In front of us are two envelopes containing confessions one is true, the other is lie once you read it two others get to interrogate you and come to a unanimous decision is it a a truth . Or lie billie, you go first colin, which envelope should she open two. Numero dos . Can you open an envelope . Shut up oh, its open on the bottom. Yeah. [ laughter ] okay. Are you ready for this okay wow. That is it. Strong strong fake cigarette so i once farted in my friends mouth while she was yawning and she threw up [ laughter ] what year was this . It was i was 12 so it was last year [ laughter ] it was last year. Great. It was 2014 i was 12 where were you . In my yard. Your backyard yeah, my backyard daytime yeah. No, at nighttime in the backyard what are you camping . Were you doing wrestling or fooling around or doing gymnastics whoa. It was like there was a table and she was sitting oh, please. She was sitting facing this way and i was standing there facing that way. She was eating where is the table. The table is here so she was facing the other way okay. What was she eating pizza daytime pizza you want some nighttime pizza . Kind of running out of time here i dont know so are you friends with her today sort of was it weird after that it was so funny so funny. What do you think i think i think true. I think true. It sounds like something weirdly is it true . Yes [ cheers and applause oh my god but why did you do that why did you do that . On purpose it was silent i didnt think it would be those are always the worst ones thats the problem which envelope should i open truth or lie billie colin . One yeah. Doesnt matter because im such a good actor. Whoa. Taxi. [ laughter ] here we go. Oh, i got fired from my job at the supermarket for pretending to be french [ laughter ] when . This is i was 15 so id probably say what was the name of the super market oddly, Great American was the name. Can you repeat what happened i got fired from my job for pretending to be french. [ light laughter ] why were you pretending to be french . I was bored you were bored. I was bored and people would ask me questions and i would be like no. And sometimes people would ask for something and you would want i would point to french dressing [ laughter ] if it was around mustard, i would point to frenchs mustard. Someone ratted on me and someone complained and said who did it who is pretending to be french and not helping people . Sound like a pretentious 15yearold. Youre pretending to not understand them. I dont know. I dont know [ light laughter ] youre 15 yeah. All right what do you guys think i dont think so. I want to say its almost like not funny enough to be true [ laughter ] i dont think you know what im saying . Im just going to say it happened you can say it didnt so we can win. No, you have to be unanimous. No, no. [ light laughter ] [ talking over each other no, i think you have to be you dont know the rules of the game you have to be unanimous. One, two, three, yay or nay . Yay you think it did . I dit did not happen. Stick to your guess no i did get fired but for doing whip its [ laughter ] colin and i think you should go number one because youre number one to me wow thanks. Here we go. Ready yeah my first stand upset was in a Police Station while under arrest this is absolutely true this is so true. I love hes colin quinn. The most irish guy i know. This is perfect for his oneman show and book. This is so him he did standup in a Police Station. Why were you arrested . Possession of a controlled substance. You had weed on you or Something Else you dont want to say [ laughter ] how old were you . You get arrested for weed, come on. [ laughter ] how old were you . 22. Oh my gosh. He totally did this. It was you know what in the thing and he got busted. Were you in a car or something driving . No. Thats right because you grew up in the streets of brooklyn and thats how you have your accent i like picturing it you got in a fight with somebody no. How did you get arrested . What is that . How did you get arrested . You were buying . Possession [ talking over each other 43rd street how much cocaine did you have [ laughter it was fake cocaine it was fake dont do fake cocaine [ laughter ] i love it. Not fake cocaine. [ talking over each other dont do fake cocaine dont do cocaine at all. Real or fake solid [ talking over each other i know him pretty well. Crocaine. Of course it happened i just love to picture it so im i feel like its true, you know if hes lying, youre a a genius i think its true. I think its true its true come on. There is the truth there. Billie eilish and colin quinn. Ill see you in a couple seconds. Their bearnaise sauce here is the best in town. [ soft piano music playing ] mm, uh, what do you do for fun . Not this. Oh, what am i into . Mostly progressives name your price tool. Helps people find Coverage Options based on their budget. Flo has it, i want it, its a whole thing, and shes right there. Yeah, shes my ride. This dates lame. He has pics of you on his phone. Theyre very tasteful. He has pics of you on his phone. The roomba i7 with cleanng base automatic dirt disposal and allergenlock™ bags that trap 99 of allergens, so they dont escape back into the air. If its not from irobot, its not a roomba™ ahhh you are the one light of my life i love you so please be my wife . Give a gift that says it all. Yes yes only at jared vo i know what youre thinking. Electric, its not for you. And, youre probably right. Electric just doesnt have enough range. It will never survive the winter. Charging stations . Good luck finding one of those. So, maybe an electric car isnt for you after all. Or, is it . [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest is a a global phenomenon at 17 years old her album when we all fall asleep, where do we go. Shell be a guest on saturday night live. Please help me welcome Billie Eilish [ cheers and applause jimmy Billie Eilish, welcome back im so happy youre here. I know youre at saturday night live and thats how you first know me, right from saturday night live. Did you hear about that ever no. Listen, when i was growing up im 17 but when i was, like, 5 or 4 or more or 3, i dont know, i used to watch a show called the Electric Company and there was a guy on it and he had eyeliner. And he was singing about hs because a little kids show and he was like the hook was like like my hs like something, something, nothing i dont even know what it was. But it was you and then i remember seeing you on tv and i was like, thats the guy from the commercial with the hs [ laughter ] such a long career. I have a pocket full of hs and im not afraid to use them i got a pocket full of hs and not afraid to use them but nobody saw that in my whole lifetime [ laughter ] i made movies and i was on saturday night live for years. So when i was on this show, like awhile ago. You didnt know me from saturday night live . No. [ laughter ] thats what i heard you did because thats hilarious. They told me you got a story about saturday night live. My gosh. I cant believe you found that nobody saw that. I was pulling hs out of my pocket and throwing them you were. Thick eyeliner lets talk about you. [ laughter ] lets talk about your music right here look at this when we fall asleep, where do we go. Thats the biggest selling album in a decade. Youre the first female artist that had 14 simultaneous chart entries and your videos have been streamed 15 million times [ cheers ] thats you. Thats you im talking about i got to say the album is so great. Everyone loves it. Your fans are young. They are old they are all sorts of people why do you think this music resonates with so many different people i mean, i was like a big goal, so i feel like im i dont know why necessarily i just think im mainly happy about it i grew up listening to so much different kind of music like old stuff and new stuff and hiphop and contemporary and jazz and peggy lee, Frank Sinatra and tyler the creator and naz. I was all over the place and i think i just put it into my music and with the albums, specifically, there was one thing i really tried to do which was there are like 14 songs on the album and one of the goals i had is i wanted to make an album that i could put 14 people into a room that each had like fully different, fully different tastes like one person likes this, one person like this and thats all they like and if i play then my album, each person would like at least one song. Wow thats a really cool way of attacking it and you did it i heard it, i think i heard bad guy first and i was like i dont know if anyone is ready for this type of music it was so different i was like i didnt, either. I thought theyd hate it and you changed the face of pop music and music in general because we were hearing the same song for the last three years, and you played something totally different like i was like now were going to hear nothing but songs like bad guy for the next three years thats all it was good thank you so much i love the whole record which one, just tell me which one would go to me in the 14 would go to you yeah what number am i . What number you made it pretty clear that youre bad guy so. Trick question, youre right. I like that. Im a good guy you are a good guy. Bad guy good guy. I want to talk about this thing happening right here yes, sir. Whats going on you sprained your ankle or what my little sock. Yeah. I sprained it you know, its funny there are actually both sprained this is like what . Three weeks old, four weeks old. This one is like two months old. Hilarious. How do you how did you how do you sprain your ankle and perform . I just wear this and i pretend its not sprained. I sprained it in three seconds into the show. I walked on stage and sprained it how hard do you walk . I jumped. One leg there you go. It was the sixth count into bad guy and literally the sixth count, bum, bum, da, da. And thats where you did it [ light laughter ] he stood up he really stood up i was ready to jump he was ready to jump. Now i sprained my ankle just now. Thats great. It wasnt only just embarrassing i sprained it but fell you know what im saying who falls, you know . Embarrassing you didnt tell me you fell did people think it was part of the dance . Probably. Or they just were like, she fell like thats what i was worried about. They were like loser, she fell no. Really, i was like laying there in agonizing pain. Thing is i have sprained this leg or this ankle like five times before so i knew exactly what it was. Mean youre wearing the wrong foo footwear i was actually thats crazy you say that i was wearing a pair of shoes ive never performed in you got to bring me on tour with you i do. Talk about the new world tour can you believe youre going on a world tour, Billie Eilish, 17 years old [ cheers and applause youre doing Something Different and cool with this tour talk about the green part of this tour. Yes, well, basically, we Just Announced today, as you just said, its the where do we go world tour and basically, were trying to be as like green as possible on the entire tour so there is like were actually bringing someone from reverb, this company that specializes is that a word . Yeah. Reverb or specializes specializes yeah. Specializes in the best and most like healthy and green ways to do everything. So there is no Plastic Straws allowed. The fans bring their own water bottles. There will be recycles cans everywhere if something is recyclable, it doesnt matter unless there is a recycle bin. It doesnt do anything unless there is one just recycled trash everywhere you have to recycle everything jimmy youre doing so many great things i love it. [ cheers and applause thank you jimmy im psyched to have you back do we know what songs youre doing on snl. I havent said but i can say. You can why not this is live. Were too late. Too late. You know what . I dont care so why not . Im doing bad guy and i love you. Come on [ cheers and applause saturday, tomorrow night Billie Eilish tomorrow night. [ cheers and applause when we fall asleep, where do we go. Give her a standing ovation, why not . You can watch her perform tomorrow night at 11 30 on nbc when we come back, sebastian mascalco will join us [ cheers and applause drive safe and save discount . Yup, using the app. Driving safe. Heh. 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Invest in the community, in businesses owned by women and people of color, in affordable housing. The difference between words and actions matters. Thats a lesson politicians in washington could use right now. Im tom steyer, and i approve this message. Snow leopards are almost impossible to find, with ai we can protect what we cant see. But we need to know where they are, because they are threatened. Our camera traps allow us to have and eye in the mountains, taking thousands of pictures. Microsoft ai scans through all these images, and separates Snow Leopards from everything else, in ten minutes instead of ten days. It gives us time to do better research, and save this threatened species. Roll introducing jimmy dean a nebiscuit roll ups. St. We took delicious sausage, eggs, and cheese and rolled it all up, in a soft flakey biscuit. Give your family a good hearty breakfast that you can eat on the go. [ cheers and applause jimmy you can see our next guest live on the you bother me tour and he stars in the irishman, which hits theaters november 1st and comes to netflix on november 27th it is a mustsee film. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Sebastian Maniscalco [ cheers and applause jimmy they love you. Come on. New york crowd they love Sebastian Maniscalco thank you for coming back. You just came from the premiere, the new york Film Festival the red carpet what was it like red carpet. Red suit red socks oh my god wow oh my god. Im speechless the movie is unbelievable its, like, the italian super heroes i grew up with. The italian avengers. Totally deniro and me and i mean, this is like every italian persons dream yeah, my parents every italian person. Im in a movie with al pacino. My parents dont believe im in it. [ laughter ] they dont . You have to see it to believe it you played joey look how cool this guy is. Wow look at this. Yeah, and man, do you do a a great job . Thank you you hold your own with those they are legends. Yeah, thank you by the way, my mother, shes like thats the way you should dress, not in a red suit. [ laughter ] so you dress like a mob guy. A 50s mob guy. My mom wants me to walk around town like that with glasses. I couldnt believe it i love this movie. I saw the screener in the theater and you came on and i was like i hope sebastian crushes. I love you as a comedian dramatic you have jokes in there but you have to hold your own with de niro it was a big moment for me. I didnt want to disappointment i read somewhere that he had black or brownish hair but he had blonde chest hair. So i died my chest hair blaonde. To help your acting ehe said listen, youre going to need to take your shirt off, id have blonde chest hair why would you have to take your shirt off my luck, my luck, i dont diet, right . He says take your shirt off and then youd go, where is the blonde chest hair . [ light laughter ] are you not a method actor. I go and hopefully it works out. When you do a scene with robert de niro, were you nervous in your trailer . Were you like i got this you play it like i got this. I was very nervous. I didnt sleep for two nights prior to the scene my first scene was with pesci and di niro and he came onset. And came up to me like hey, youre doing good things i said okay. Does he know that i do standup or you know, i wasnt going to asked no, you dont talk to d di niro people are like oh, are you the comic relief while they change the light i didnt say nothing [ light laughter ] i didnt speak i dont want to lose this job. I didnt want to be that guy. So i just shut up and i sat where i was supposed to sit and that was it. Its based on a book called i hear you paint houses which i dont know what that meant did you know that . Somebody had to tell me but, you know it means like are you a hit man . Do you kill people . I hear you paint houses im worried. I dont know anyone that paints houses, okay as do you basically, the irishman is di niro and hes a hit man and ends up getting into crazy situations, including working for jimmy who is al pacino and you come in, this guy out of nowhere, joey gallo cocky i was wearing the sunglasses and he actually wore sunglasses at the hearings he was smoking during it. Your first line gets a giant laugh because hes like do you have any Opening Statements there, mr. Gallo youre like i think this carpet carpet could be good for a crap game now impressions of you i was so psyched for you not only is this the most exciting thing but youre on tour talk to me about you bother me. Im on the you bother me tour a lot of things bother me [ laughter ] everyday human behavior. On the airplane somebody cracks open a soda. What is going on that bothers you. Little things somebody can snap open a bag of chips i cant. No one nobody opens chips like that. In my head they do. Youre doing the forum on january 11th the l. A. Forum. Yeah. Like Madison Square garden. [ cheers and applause thats a huge gig, buddy i grew up watching the Chicago Bulls play the lakers in the forum and here i am playing it everything is really, really good what a year for you couldnt happen to a nicer guy, buddy appreciate it sebastian maniccalco. [ cheers and applause if you want to see him do standup, go to the forum on january 11th or stay tuned sebastian is going to perform when we come back. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause Liberty Mutual customizes your Car Insurance, so you only pay for what you need. I wish i could shake your hand. Granted. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. In a vast desert completely wdevoid of basset hounds. [ back in babys arms by patsy cline ] then, it appeared a beacon of hope. Im back in babys arms more glorious than a billion sunsets. We were found. Im back where i belong found by the hounds. 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Every flavor welcome. Kerrygold has a taste so rich it can take you to irelands lush, green pastures. Where grassfed cows produce rich, creamy milk for a truly delicious taste. Kerrygold. The taste that takes you there. [ cheers and applause jimmy our next guest is one of the most popular comedians working today and tickets to his comedy tour you bother me are on sale now. Welcome Sebastian Maniscalco, everybody. [ cheers and applause thank you thank you. So its been a big week for me my wife and i celebrated at a restaurant my wife doesnt really know how a restaurant works like i worked in restaurants i know the back of the house i know the front of the house. My wife has no idea. She always flags down the bus boy. [ laughter ] shes always like excuse me yes . [ laughter ] my wife doesnt know how to talk to foreigners okay look how quiet it just got i said foreigners. Hey, guy [ laughter ] i grew up with foreigners. My father is a foreigner my grandfather is a foreigner. They do not have the complete grasp of the english language. So you cant talk to them like you would talk to somebody who knows english. All right . Its always fragmented my wife, shes asking the busboy, can i have another titos and soda babe, the only tito he knows is in the back. [ laughter ] going to say tito, they need you. Hes going to come out with a towel over his shoulder and a can of soda. Hey. [ laughter ] my wife never knows what she wants to eat she always goes, you go first. All right. Ill have a new york strip and mixed vegetables back to you. How long did you think i was going to take . [ laughter ] she gets it from her family going out with my wifes family is a nightmare all right my wife comes from a jewish family do we have any jews here tonight . Perfect. Youll get this. Okay i love the jews the jews are very sweet people all right . My wife is gjewish my best friend is jewish they are sweet people i got to build them up because now im going to rip them to shreds, all right . When we go out with my wifes family, jews are generally unhappy when they go out to a restaurant right for example, when we go to the table, i never sit down at the table. Because i know this isnt the table were going to be dining at tonight [ laughter theres a lot of whispering as we approach, particularly coming out of my motherinlaw its always something wrong. There is a draft there is a lot of traffic. The chair is screwed up the chair is always screwed up constantly food is going back. Food is going to go back for sure. Like they think every ingredient should be listed on the menu. So when it comes out and they dont you know, they are like, what, the hand goes up. Lll like what is this the waiter like thats a little cumin. Shes like i didnt see that on the menu. Im thinking, i dont know, maybe the chef was in the back and said let me give it a a little cumin maybe [ laughter ] a little experiment tonight. I dont know. Just because its not on page 2, i cant use it . [ laughter ] italians, we dont send food back. Well talk about it. It sucks but what did you expect . We didnt make it. All right . Lplp well try and fix it at the table. Give me the pepper and the oil let me see what i can do. Some rosemary you guys are great. Thank you. [ cheers and applause jimmy Sebastian Maniscalco. Well be right back, everybody [ cheers and applause we made usaa insurance for members like kate. A former army medic, made of the flexibility to handle whatever monday has in store and tackle four things at once. So when her car got hit, she didnt worry. She simply filed a claim on her usaa app and said. I got this. Usaa insurance is made the way kate needs it easy. She can even pick her payment plan so its easy on her budget and her life. Usaa. What youre made of, were made for. Usaa [ cheers and applause jimmy thank you again. Sebastian maniscalco how amazing . How old are your kids . 2. 5 and 3 months. Congratulations on that, buddy. I love you i want to thank Billie Eilish, Sebastian Maniscalco for coming out on one of his biggest nights good night tonight, buddy philadelphia, pennsylvania, thank you. Late night with seth myers hope to see you again. Bye, bye [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight John Krasinski from nbcs sunnyside, actor and comedian joel kim booster, candidate for senator of kentucky, amy mcgrath, featuring the 8g band with emily moon [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight [ cheers and applause that is wonderful to hear