[ cheers and applause jimmy oh, my goodness. Wow, look at you guys. Looking good [ cheers and applause welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody. Please thank you very much. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. This is it you are here you made it. Thank you for being here [ cheers and applause you guys i love you too [ light laughter ] you guys, earlier tonight on nbc, we had the first nfl preseason game between the broncos and the falcons. So if you enjoyed watching people hit each other, you probably loved last nights debate [ light laughter ] thats right everyone went after joe biden at the democratic debate and he knew it was coming. Did you see what he said to Kamala Harris before it started . Watch this [ cheers and applause go easy on me, kid. Jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause that might be a sign you are too old to be president when you call a 54year old a kid. He was like, yeah [ laughter ] a lot of people talking were about bidens age. Cause there was also an awkward moment when he confuses his Campaign Website with a text message. Listen to this if you agree with me, go to joe 30330 and help me in this fight. [ laughter ] jimmy Bernie Sanders was watching at home going, bingo i got o33 [ laughter ] 033, bingo i got [ cheers and applause he doesnt know what hes doing. [ applause ] last night wasnt the first time bidens had trouble with giving out this number here he is at a rally back in may. Send a text to the word united get him, joe. To the number 30330, 30330 or 303330. [ laughter ] anyway, you got it jimmy on the next debate, hell be telling people to text c3po. [ laughter ] its like, no, stop just stop talking. But back to last night, while all his opponents attacked him, biden tried to fight back. He went after cory bookers time as mayor but that sort of backfired. Check out what booker said mr. Vice president , theres a saying in my community you are dipping into the koolaid and you dont even know the flavor [ audience ohs ] jimmy everyone saw that and when, oh, no. [ light laughter ] and biden was like [ laughter ] appreciate that. Thank you roots oh, no its a koolaid joke [ laughter ] steve cause you would say, oh, yeah. Right . Instead of, oh, no. Right . Jimmy oh, i dont know ive never seen the commercial steve oh, really [ light laughter ] jimmy well, even though hes been struggling, biden is still the front runner by almost 20 points i guess democrats want to fight fire with fire theyre like, the only way to stop a guy in his 70s who cant speak is with a guy in the 70s who cant speak. [ light laughter ] jimmy hey guys, listen to this a recent study found that todays students think they learn more from youtube than they do from textbooks sounds odd, but you can actually learn a lot from the same lessons you find in a text book, on youtube ill show you what i mean. For instance, if youre studying sociology, a textbook will tell you that, making a gender reveal video is a fun activity for new parents. But youtube will just show you this three, two, one [ screams [ laughter ] jimmy next if you are studying mixology, a textbook book will tell you, champagne is a sparkling wine for sophisticated celebrations. But youtube will tell you this [ speaking in Foreign Language ] [ light laughter ] jimmy and finally, if you are studying architecture, a a textbook will tell that, the shape of each structure can hold a powerful message. But youtube will just show you this this makes a perfect circle [ light laughter ] oh, thats cool insane. Oh, wow look at that. Where do you get all this stuff . That is really cool [ light laughter ] these you can buy and those ones i make. Huh [ laughter ] just using your hand or what did i just make there . Wait, hold on. Oh, my gosh. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause steve wow. That was like a gender reveal party right there. Jimmy and finally, this is interesting. A new study found that the moon is actually 100 million years older than we thought. You could tell the moon is a a lot older cause it ended the night by telling supporters to visit its website moon30330. [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots everybody. [ cheers and applause jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Hasan minhaj is here everybody [ cheers and applause steve yeah jimmy Vanessa Kirby is here steve oh [ cheers and applause jimmy for the new hobbs shaw steve come on. Jimmy fast the furious movie. Steve i cant wait jimmy and we have great music from sam fender, ladies and gentlemen. Steve oh jimmy there you go [ cheers and applause guys, im very excited about this we teamed up with hasbro to make our very own tonight show games that you can play at home. Theyre all based on games that weve done on the show we have best friends challenge, face it challenge and box of lies and a portion [ cheers and applause they are all fun games and a portion of the proceeds go to seriousfun childrens network. So please check these out. [ cheers and applause finally, they are here steve come on, a jimmy a home game. Steve come on. Jimmy the home game. I always wanted to say, you got the home game. We used to play with stuff like that when i was growing up too but they are available at amazon, target, downstairs at fao schwarz. Steve ooh. Jimmy most major retailers steve oh, i love that store. [ light laughter ] jimmy they just opened another major retailers. Steve they did right near my house, yeah. Jimmy congratulations, i hadnt been there yet. Does it look good . Steve fantastic, the parking lots right next to my house. Its fantastic jimmy its called major retailer steve yeah, its called major retailer jimmy wow. But anyways, everyone in tonights audience is going home with their very own game of box of lies [ cheers and applause yeah kind of blew up there. Guys, its the end of the week and thats usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. I check my inbox, return some emails and of course, send out thank you notes. I was running a bit behind today. So i thought if you guys wouldnt mind [ cheers and applause id like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. James, can i get some thank you note writing music, please steve wow. [ light laughter ] looks like he just texted 3030 [ laughter ] jimmy thank you Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders for looking like the reallife version of back to the future. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, jed, for saying you were on the bachelorette just to help your music career. At least now you have plenty of material for a break up album. [ laughter ] [ applause ] always the best. Steve always good. Jimmy thank you, grill i rarely use for giving me a a chance to play a fun game of how much rust can i feed my friends without them noticing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] steve full of iron jimmy had this bad boy for ten years. Thank you, hobbs and shaw for sounding less like a fast furious spinoff, more like two injury attorneys you see on tv at 3 00 in the morning [ laughter ] have you been hit by a skate boarder . [ applause ] thank you, home cooking, for being 2 cooking, 2 eating and 96 doing dishes [ light laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, the lion king for teaching us that if you dont want your kid to grow up to be a huge jerk, maybe dont name him scar [ laughter ] [ applause ] come on, scar. Steve yeah [ light laughter ] come on. Jimmy just give me a a second [ light laughter ] steve youre thinking about other names kids could be named right . Jimmy whats that . Steve you think about other names they shouldve not named their kids jimmy no, im thinking about this next thank you note i really like it steve its your favorite one . Jimmy it is. But i have a feeling it is not going to work. Steve oh, really but its a good one anyway jimmy i think its good. Its more of a thinker steve does it come from the heart . Jimmy i didnt write it but yeah it comes from [ laughter ] comes from someones heart steve someones heart. Then thats all that matters man. [ light laughter ] jimmy thank you, beach balls for letting me throw my breath [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy that was a good one. [ cheers and applause people are still laughing about that now i love that. Steve i get it oh, yeah jimmy thank you, ice cream sandwiches for lasting three minutes before turning into just regular cookies and milk. There you guys have it those are my thank you notes. Well be right back with more tonight show everybody come on back [ cheers and applause this is a surface laptop 2. And this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . This ones faster. Really . Amazing. Which one has a better touchscreen . The surface has a better touchscreen. Because it actually has a touchscreen. Oh, right. Macs dont have touchscreens. You should get a surface. Trust me, im mac book. Well, there you have it. Mac book says, get a surface. Friends family sale . Take an extra 20 off save on juniors tops. Skechers starting at 35. 99. And bath towels. Plus save even more on your backtoschool purchase plus everyone gets kohls cash plus free amazon returns now at all kohls stores this weekend. At kohls. Applebees handcrafted burgers now starting at 7. 99. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood ok who. Iall of us. Old navy . His stripes, her dots, my spots, its all old navy honey. Really . We cool . Yea. Were cool. Shop kids baby on sale up to sixty percent off. With styles from just five bucks. Now at old navy. What just happened . Hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome back welcome back, everybody. We love a good story here at the tonight show which means it is time for tonight show storytime. Here we go tonight sho tonight show story time [ cheers and applause jimmy i am going to need some help. So joining me is the host of the criticallyacclaimed patriot act on netflix please welcome hasan minhaj. [ cheers and applause jimmy come on now. Good to see you jimmy come on. How are you jimmy thats my man right there. [ cheers and applause jimmy hasan, heres how were going to do this you and i will each take turns telling a story to our audience about one topic. Okay okay. Jimmy tonights topic is [ drum roll embarrassing parents all right okay jimmy since youre my guest im going to give you the honor of watching me go first. [ light laughter ] you can take your place over there by the okay. Jimmy ill start off okay, here we go all right, go ahead jimmy i have so many embarrassing parents stories im trying to think. I dont know which one to you picked this topic because im indian, right . Jimmy no, i didnt know. [ laughter ] yeah, you did jimmy no, it was at random no, i promise, no. Okay, okay, okay. Jimmy please, im irish. I got some bad ones, too yeah what do we got i mean, my moms got so many ill do ill do my dad because i talked to him today. So he reminded me of this story. My dad was very we never had any luck with cars growing up. We just never had a great car. And i remember we finally did get a nice car it was a cutlass sierra. That was the name of it. It even sounds fancy and i think it had, like, cloth seats which was a big deal for us cause the seats would be vinyl and just be too hot and everything like, we just burn wed burn our flesh and stuff. So [ laughter ] but, no, this was like, wow, luxury. And it was amazing and so one night he was coming home from work and we used to wait out for the car and stuff like that to when my dad would come me and my sister and my mom. So the car was coming down the street and the horn was honking. [ imitating car horn ] and my mom was like, oh, my god, kids, come out. Lets greet lets say hi to daddy outside. I think he won the lottery [ laughter ] i think we won the lottery. And were like oh, my gosh. What . And, like, she was almost crying we ran out to the driveway and the car is honking [ imitating car horn ] and my dad gets out and slams the car and the car is still honking. [ laughter ] the horns broke. Didnt even look at us just walked right past and got a beer [ laughter ] and another thing happened to my dads car he was he was trying to fix his car. And he got a thing called, like, gunk out or something that you spray on the engine my dad does not know anything about cars hes from brooklyn, new york barely knows how to drive a car. But hes fixing his car in the driveway and hes spraying this thing and he turns on the engine on. And the car lights on fire [ laughter ] so my dads freaking out he doesnt know what to do so he slams the hood closed. And its like flames growing out the sides. [ laughter ] and hes like, oh, maybe that was a mistake. Maybe i should try to open it up again to get the flames to go out oh, no. Jimmy so he went and he pops the hood. And then went around it had one of those, like, kind of locks in the front that its really hard to open. So he was burning his fingers. [ laughter ] and he couldnt open the hood. And he just came in. He goes, kids, just get on the ground i think the car is going to blow up. [ laughter ] and we laid on the ground. And my moms, like, we got to tell the neighbors. cause they had their kids he was like and he yelled over to them hes like, go inside. My car is about to explode. [ laughter ] and the kids ran in. And people were screaming. And we called the Fire Department and we were laying on the ground and then they came but, you guys stayed . Jimmy oh, we stayed and just laid on the ground. Like just hoping. [ laughter ] they ran for it let them be safe you guys jimmy oh, yeah our neighbors ran down the street yeah, yeah [ laughter ] and they put out the thing and my dads car was totaled he burnt every wire was stripped. [ laughter ] and there was nothing on it. And that was the last time we ever got a nice car. There you go thats my story. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause now its your turn i got to go now jimmy yeah, now its your turn okay. Jimmy all right. Now send it up all right so this like this is a competition . This is, like, a jimmy oh, maybe. Is it jimmy no i think its more of a fun story telling thing but no, no, no. I just not i dont want participation points i want to win or lose this thing. Jimmy okay, all right, all right, all right [ laughter ] go for it. I got a okay, okay jimmy okay, okay, okay i i have im okay [ laughter ] no, i have to think about what are the repercussions if i tell this but who cares . Lets just lets do this. All right. [ laughter ] so because i got to win so when i was in high school, i told a lot of stories about growing up but i dont know if you guys know this, but i wasnt very good at math or science. Im sorry. [ laughter ] i know ive let our people down but [ laughter ] so i was failing honors chem and, so sometimes during lunch, i would have lunch in mr. Delucas classroom you know, like all popular kids do [ laughter ] hang out hang out with the teacher during lunch jimmy eating so im in there during lunch. Mr. Delucas was like, hey, i got to go to the bathroom. Just give me a minute ill be right back. He leaves to go to the bathroom i look at his desk and the homework solution manuel is just sitting right there on his desk. And its just looking at me like the Sports Almanac in back to the future. Like, i have all the answers. [ laughter ] just pick me up. And i was like, hell never guess that if i take this he wont even know it is me [ light laughter ] hes not going to guess that the indian kid did it. [ laughter ] so i take the Solutions Manual i put it in my backpack. I walk out of the class. And im like, okay, this is wrong. What you are doing is objectively wrong. And i know like, i feel awful about it i have kids. I should not do this cheating is wrong. But ive never felt more alive [ laughter ] and im like, what if i go to kinkos and i just photocopy this and i sell it to other kids. [ laughter ] and so im at kinkos, and i just photocopy the book. I come back to school. And i just start selling the answer to the homework to other kids for 5 a pop which is a a discount thats a discount. Its a great deal. [ laughter ] all the answers for the entire year, five bucks and, eventually, someone snitched i dont know who it was. It was michael manchello but i dont know who it was. [ laughter ] and i dont know i just i dont know who it could be and mr. Delucas calls me into his classroom. And he sits me down. And is like, i know youre the kid who stole the Solutions Manual and, hasan, what you have done you have violated my trust. Youve insulted the ethical standards of this school and i should expel you right now. But im going to call your father instead. And i was like, just expel me, please. [ laughter ] he puts my dad on speakerphone mr. Minhaj, come to Davis High School immediately i am waiting here with your son. It was the longest 45 minutes ive ever had to go through in my life. Im sitting there. Theres just an empty chair, sweating im like, im going to die. My dad comes in. He sits down mr. Delucas is like, your son is the criminal master mind behind one of the biggest cheating scandals at this school he has been selling the homework answers to multiple students in his class. And my dad, he looks at mr. Delucas. And he was like, mr. Delucas, my son did not do this. [ laughter ] and i was like, wow like, pops, like, he trusts me [ laughter ] he has my back. And hes like, hasan is a a coward [ laughter ] he doesnt have the guts to pull this off. [ laughter ] i did graduate and here i am. So [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause thank you, guys. Jimmy coward a coward. Jimmy oh, god. Thats hilarious that is how you do it right there, everybody hasan minhaj [ cheers and applause well be right back with more tonight show, everybody. Come on back [ cheers and applause own little world. Especially these days. dad i think its here. mom vo especially at this age. big sister where are we going . mom vo its a big, beautiful world out there. little sister woah. big sister wow. See that . mom vo sometimes you just need a little help seeing it. avo the threerow subaru ascent. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Get zero percent during the subaru a lot to love event. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Look its a hmm. Whale. I dont know. Thats it. Suit up haha watch the fur ahhh. What do you see in your cheetos . Did you know you can save money by using dish soap to clean grease on more than dishes . Try dawn ultra. Dawn is for more than just dishes. With 3x more grease cleaning power per drop, it tackles tough grease on a variety of surfaces. Try dawn ultra. Number one in Overall Network performance. Full of awards. Highest in Wireless Network Quality Performance. Highest in Wireless Network Quality Performance in the North Central region. Its hard to know what to think. Thats why sprints doing things differently and offering a new one hundred percent total satisfaction guarantee. So, you can try out the network, see the savings and decide for yourself. Switch to sprint and get both an unlimited plan and one of the newest phones included for just thirtyfive dollars a month. For people with hearing loss, visit sprintrelay. Com. Dont stop, i cant feel the heat yet dont let it catch you whoa i cant feel the heat get everything you need to go back big at the low prices you love. This is jamie. Youre going to be seeing a lot more of him now. Im not calling him dad. Oh, nno. Look, [sighs] i get it. Some new guy comes in helping your mom bundle and save with progressive, but hey, were all in this together. Right, champ . Im getting more nuggets. How about some carrots . You dont want to ruin your dinner. Youre not my dad thats fair. Overstepped. Thats fair. And out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes . Objection overruled. One hour. Sweeten the deal by doing the dishes and ill consider it. I wouldnt do it. I hate the dishes. One hour with the tablet, you walk the dog and do the dishes. If you insist. Congratulations. Only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your familys online time. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity xfi gives you the speed, coverage and control you need. Manage your wifi network from anywhere when you download the xfi app today. [ cheers and applause jimmy our first guest is a a former daily show correspondent and a twotime peabody award winner wow, thats fantastic. [ cheers and applause his show, patriot act with hasan minhaj is back with new episodes starting this sunday on netflix ladies and gentlemen, please welcome hasan minhaj [ cheers and applause jimmy came back oh, man its good to be back jimmy thank you for coming back to the show we had so much fun on the show last time you were here. Its a blast. Jimmy and then, we got to do a joint interview for variety. Oh, yeah. Jimmy we are in the cover of variety together. Yeah. Jimmy and i got to say youre [ cheers and applause look how serious i am jimmy no, youre a stud, please, oh, my god this is the difference between our shows, look at this [ laughter ] this is like, hey, im jimmy fallon. Im like, i need to kill jimmy fallon. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god i played beer pong with the rock we need to end comcast [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god i said the joke, he didnt say it jimmy no, oh, please you can say it, i dont care okay. Jimmy we dont care. All right yeah jimmy but do you like getting into stuff like that and trouble like that . A little bit. Jimmy you do yeah, trolling is fun jimmy you do enjoy that, yeah yeah. Jimmy we had a great talk. I was, like, so impressed with how you put your show together but also how you you were just into the sneakers you just went, whered you get the sneakers . Jimmy well, because i dont have a good sneaker game like you do youre like, dude, thats you dont have these . Yeah. Jimmy they were beautiful. I got them i got them, the air jordan 1s. Jimmy yeah yeah. Jimmy because i was wearing [ cheers ] yeah. Jimmy i forgot what i had on i think i had something, and youre like dress shoes he was wearing black dress shoes. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, and you were like, you dont have sneakers you can just wear . I go, i liked yours a lot. And youre like, i dont have anything i just would wear normally. Yeah. Jimmy i just feel like i think im too old to wear them no, man and heres the thing i got you a pair, and then, you posted about it on Instagram Jimmy yeah and youve never venmoed me back [ laughter ] you didnt see my request . Jimmy no, did you want me to venmo you dude, bronzeoliver requested something from you, you didnt hit me back [ laughter ] jimmy i did not see that dude, youre going to get a a request tonight. Jimmy these are the sneakers yeah, look at that, boom. Jimmy not bad. [ cheers and applause its not bad. Jimmy theyre gorgeous and by the way, jimmy, your best friends with justin timberlake. Jimmy yeah he gave you a pair of his jordans from his own line. Jimmy yeah i bought these. [ laughter ] i am a real friend [ laughter ] if youre watching this. Jimmy thats what im talking about. Come on, man, youve got to spend your own money to hook your friend up jimmy yeah thats real love. Jimmy you cant make me. Im starting fights with justin timberlake. [ laughter ] oh, my gosh. Those are my beefs saudi arabia, justin timberlake. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god those are my levels jimmy thats what youre doing right now. How is everybody how is your wife hows your daughter . Oh, man so, shes 16 months now. Jimmy yeah yeah, man [ cheers and applause beautiful. Jimmy congratulations. Shes walking she said her first words jimmy oh, what was it . She says mama. Jimmy great. And im im personally pissed at you. No, no, no [ laughter ] i walk in beena, she calls me up, my wife, shes like, come home, come home. Shes like, she said her first words. I come in, she sees me and im like, dada. Shes like mama. [ laughter ] everything is mama. And im like, what do you mean everything is mama . Shes like, go into her room. I look at a book, it says, everything is mama. Im like who wrote this . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] its jimmy fallon. [ cheers and applause no, dont give it up dont give it up this isnt writing look at this book. Look at this is my amazon onestar review. Everything is mama, here we go [ laughter ] jimmy its a great writing here we go every thing is look at this sun. Mama thats the book . [ laughter ] this is a book this is what were doing this is like an inside look into your brain. [ laughter ] waffles, mama. Jimmy waffles. Hat mama jimmy yeah [ laughter ] jimmy well, shes 16 months. What do you want her to do, i mean what do you want her to read i want some story, i want some development jimmy goldfish i want some character conflict jimmy all i really want to do is have my baby say dada first. So i wrote a book called dada. [ laughter ] okay. Jimmy and then and then im bringing jimmy thats moodada. Im bringing this home. Im bringing this home jimmy oh, youre bringing that home, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I need to jimmy but then i have two little girls and i go, you know what, theyre going to grow up and theyll be like, why didnt you write mama . So, thats me writing. [ laughter ] waffles waffles, mama. Mama. Jimmy yeah okay. Jimmy sun, mama. Mama. Jimmy yeah, but i mean, heres why i like these books. Because and i wrote them specific, because uhhuh. Jimmy when your kids are going to sleep yeah. Jimmy theyre going to get to the point where theyre going to be like, i want three books. Or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy three books before i go to sleep. You got to make them as short as possible. Jimmy dude, i want to make this book as fast as possible. [ laughter ] mama, dada, mama, dada, mama, dada, goodnight. Go to bed. Time out. [ laughter ] see, thats the thing jimmy im out of here. You give in [ cheers and applause jimmy bye, good night go to sleep im at this point where im doing that generational thing where im trying to really hold the line the way my dad did. So my daughter i walk around in my neighborhood, shes obsessed with dogs like, i think its because theyre her size [ laughter ] theyre the only other creatures that are her size. Jimmy yeah so she will walk up to every dog, shell be like, hi. Shell, like, try to pet the dog. And, you know, everyones asking, are you guys going to get a dog . Jimmy of course. And no, thats not a thing. We dont generally, we dont have dogs inside the house thats just like a thing in our culture, right and i remember there was a big rule with my dad, like, you know, no dogs, were not getting any pets and i remember one day, my sister was really, like, leaning on my dad. Jimmy yeah was like, we need a dog, like, dad, please. We went to the park, were sitting on a bench shes making her case, she was like, dad, please, everyone has pets look, people are walking their dogs we need a pet. Hes like, we dont need any pets, we have hasan. We dont need any pets inside the house. [ laughter ] she starts crying and shes like, no, i need a pet so my dads like, fine, you want a pet . He reaches down and he just a grabs a pigeon with his bare hands. [ laughter ] and he was like, here you go, ayesha, you want a pet . And the pigeons freaking out. [ laughter ] my sister just starts screaming and shes crying shes like, let it go. [ light laughter ] and he just pulled an Indian David Copperfield and just lets it back into the sky [ laughter ] jimmy your dad caught a pigeon with his bare hands [ light laughter ] jimmy ive never seen the agility yeah, i know the agility alone is incredible and im like, how did you do that . Jimmy yeah and he was just like, well, you know, you guys catch pokemon and growing up, we catch pigeons. [ laughter ] jimmy he caught pigeons. Did he, is that what he did . I guess, ive never seen it before there was a guy jimmy i mean, rocky, i mean that was like chicken. I didnt even know it was a pigeon there was a guy at the park who was just, like, walking and eating an ice cream and he was just watching this whole scene unfold and i dont know what was going on in his mind he must have just been like, are they just going to eat the pigeon . [ laughter ] jimmy oh, my god no, no, no what is happening with patriot act, youre back yes jimmy on netflix, what is the first because i what a great show if you havent seen this, please, check it out on netflix. Thank you jimmy you tackle big issues, fun issues what is the first one . This sunday jimmy this sunday. We are doing our episode about video games. Jimmy okay you play video games . Jimmy i love video games, yes, i do. You had the kid who won the fortnite jimmy bugha. Yeah. Jimmy bugha. You had the bugha 16 years old, won 3 million jimmy yeah, kyle bugha, yeah kyle bugha. His parents have no leverage [ laughter ] they lost all jimmy they did, they are they going into his room and be like, hey, kyle. Jimmy yeah you got school tomorrow. Jimmy yeah, exactly. [ laughter ] oh, really, i have school after i paid off your Student Loans . [ laughter and applause jimmy i bought school i bought the school, mom. Lights out. Oh, lights. You mean, like electricity the bill that i pay. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, those types. Yeah. Jimmy it is kind of fascinating, too i mean, the world is huge, there are so many people that play video games its one of the Biggest Industries in the entire world jimmy yeah and its only growing so i am really excited to do the episode. Jimmy so you get into, like, esports and all that stuff . We go into esports, we go into fortnite. We go into the crazy dances, all of it. Yeah jimmy yeah yeah. Jimmy weve had you know, weve had ninja on the show as well and its pretty fun to have these professional video gamers yeah. Jimmy these professional gamers on the show just so they can explain because they are fantastic at what they do. Yes jimmy and the way he described it to me is like, look, is everyone good at playing basketball you know, some people are better than others im really good at playing video games. Okay, this is the thing though i mean, is this going to be the future where youre going to see jay z and beyonce courtside . And theyre just going to be like, hey, jay, who are you here to see . Hes just like, you know, my man, balldrape79 [ laughter ] he just signed with roc nation. Like, is that going to be a thing . Jimmy yeah i think it might be. I think its bigger and bigger and bigger and people are freaking out and theyre loving it. Yeah. Jimmy but i want to see what you do with it. Thats going to be really exciting jimmy thats this sunday yeah, and were going to show some of the dark side of video games so jimmy there has to be. Yeah, yeah, you dont just get that level of detail and graphics just jimmy no yeah you dont mess around theres a cost to that jimmy thats why you have your second peabody. Yeah. Jimmy congratulations on this, man. Thank you, man. Thank you. Yeah jimmy thats amazing [ cheers and applause yes jimmy i was looking at the fellow multiple peabody winners. You are on a great list. Bob hope, carol burnett, walter cronkite, sesame street. Oh, my god. Jimmy not bad, dude. Thats incredible jimmy thats cause you do a great job, man thank you, man. Jimmy congratulations. Thank you jimmy come back. [ cheers and applause thanks, jimmy yeah jimmy thank you so much. Thank you, guys jimmy hasan minhaj, everybody. [ cheers and applause check out a brand new episode of patriot act streaming this sunday on netflix. Well be right back with Vanessa Kirby, everybody stick around [ cheers and applause great riches will find you when Liberty Mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. Wow. Thanks, zoltar. How can i ever repay you . Maybe you could free zoltar . Thanks, lady. Taxi only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Romance isnt dead but it is here. Thanks, captain obvious. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. Ok. Family meeting aww come on im right in the middle of my show busy. Doing homework. I can hear you playing video games. Thats me, honey well, im going to tmobile and for every iphone ten r i buy, theyll give me another one. But if youre all too busy. Wait, what . Youre getting iphone ten rs . Awww yeah. The battery life on those is sick. Oh, can you bring me back one . I cant pause this game. Come to tmobile and for each iphone ten r you get, get a second one on us. [ cheers and applause jimmy hey guys stay right here. Theres lots more coming up after the break. We are talking to Vanessa Kirby. 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More effective than the leading prescription. [ cheers and applause jimmy you know our next guest from here emmy nominated work in the Television Series the crown and in the Film Mission Impossible fallout. She now stars alongside Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham in the new summer blockbuster, fast and furious presents hobbs shaw which is in theaters amd imax tomorrow please welcome Vanessa Kirby [ cheers and applause jimmy welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Thank you so much for being here hi, jimmy jimmy i we tried to have you here, was it, last summer . It was. It was exactly this time last summer jimmy wow. And yeah. Jimmy something happened you got sick i got really ill. It wasnt fake jimmy no it was a really bad virus and i missed seven shows of my theater play and it was it was yeah, it wasnt it wasnt a sick fake jimmy what was it . What kind of just a flu it was just like a nasty virus. And actually, weirdly, claire foy who was my sister on the crown also had the same virus. So i feel like maybe it was the ghost of margaret, sort of, [ light laughter ] paying back something. Jimmy some royal some royal some royal jimmy some royal sickness . Yeah. Jimmy no you almost didnt make it to our show again because i heard you had a car some car trouble . Yes, i did. Jimmy what happened . Bad car trouble jimmy was this in los angeles . Yeah. So i was renting this really nice audi car for the first time jimmy wow. I was quite smug about it because im like i dont drive much at all. Im not good and [ light laughter ] jimmy me neither me neither are you not a good driver either jimmy im a terrible driver, yeah its one of these thing people dont admit much. But im a terrible driver. Jimmy im awful. Im quite proud about it. And theyre like, no. Jimmy when i rent a car, im like, what has more air bags . [ laughter ] im bad. This one, kind of jimmy with giant blinkers. I want come with giant blinkers and airbags all the airbags so basically, i went to meeting. And then i parked my car outside. Im not very good at the meter thing. You know, i cant really work anyway, so i went into my meeting jimmy oh, my gosh. And then i come out and i was like, oh. My god. My car is gone. [ light laughter ] there was an empty just an empty space. And i was like but if its been towed because i couldnt remember if i paid for the meter. So i was like, theres supposed to be a note. And i asked people on the street anyway, it went missing. So, i was like, im going to have to jimmy did you think they would leave you a note on the sidewalk yeah. I mean, like, your car jimmy like, hey, we towed your car. Yeah. [ laughter ] its been so i was like, is there anything . I was like, look jimmy no, its just gone empty space. I was like, its gone. I was like, oh, my god. What am i going to do . So we were ringing every impound place. And, actually, my car nearly got towed the day before so they did have it on the register that was like a wild goose chase. And then eventually you had to go to the police because it was officially a missing car. Like, a stolen car i was like, its been stolen. Jimmy yeah wow, did you ever find the car so basically for 40 hours later after a big search and, you know, we thought itd just gone forever it was on id come out of a a different entrance [ laughter ] so, it was actually yeah. [ foghorn jimmy thats just did you have the ticket on your car . Yes, i had a ticket jimmy parking ticket, yeah, for parking for 40 hours it was like a nationwide search its a really expensive car. Jimmy oh, fantastic. Well, thank you for being but now you have to know how to drive cars youre in fast furious. I know. It doesnt really go, does it . Jimmy well, thats why i mean, well, youre are an actor as well. So, i mean, you can act like you are driving. But [ light laughter ] but youre a big action star now. Does that make you jimmy, thats mad no, dont feel like it jimmy well, you are. Its a this is going to be a giant movie, man get ready. I know, get ready jimmy yeah jimmy yes. I mean, is it odd doing these . And yes, cause im like i mean, if anyone had said to me, you are going to be in action movies, i would have i mean, i was like the last you know, like, in the running races . The kid that was always last jimmy really really huffing and puffing at the back. Like [ laughter ] really wheezing. Jimmy wow. Tripping over that thing. Whats that thing that you have to volt over at school jimmy a hurdle you know yeah, like, yeah [ laughter ] theres a really good Youtube Video of these girls falling over the hurdles have you seen it jimmy no that was me jimmy oh, really yeah, yeah. Jimmy but then here you are wrestling and fighting with Dwayne Johnson and doing i know. Its absurd, yeah. Jimmy but you youre toe to toe youre fantastic in these movies youre great thanks, jimmy jimmy well done. I mean, really you, Jason Statham [ cheers and applause wait until you see Vanessa Kirby. Oh, yeah oh, jimmy jimmy you pulled it off. Youre going to be showing me a move tonight im going to show you a a move, yeah jimmy so i this is good everyone can learn this move yeah. It involves your jacket so you need to take it off. Jimmy jacket jacket off here we go [ light laughter ] [ applause ] okay. Thats hot yeah so you just hey jimmy yeah so you need to you need to jimmy what do i do do you mind giving me your jacket jimmy oh, because its a a cold night or something. Yeah, its freezing out jimmy okay [ laughter ] set the stage. And i yes. And i jimmy oh, hello its a cold night. And you want to steal my very expensive jacket. Jimmy oh, i want to steal it back . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy oh, give me this jacket so suddenly you dont yeah jimmy lets do it in slowmo. Its very expensive and you think jimmy and then well play it back yeah. Jimmy in fast mode okay, okay. Jimmy i cant go fast mo, by the way i step forward like this. Jimmy my slowmo or fastmo and then you pull it off of me jimmy okay, i take it off . Yeah. And then i yes. Like this. I turn it over like this jimmy oh, yeah and then get ready for the punch. And you have to recoil jimmy wait, punch where . Just, in the chest. Jimmy in the chest yeah like that yeah [ laughter ] and then were going to go do this. Jimmy oh, gosh, yes. And then around the side. And then youre going to do a knee [ laughter ] jimmy okay, a knee a knee where in the stomach . In the stomach jimmy yeah, yeah thats it and then you pull there you go [ cheers and applause jimmy can we show that [ applause ] can we see that in fastmo that was really, really jimmy fastmo, yeah, hey oh, toe to toe like, whats going on . [ laughter ] its like a benny hill sketch. [ laughter ] not too shabby right there [ cheers and applause oh, yeah im a natural . Youre a natural. Jimmy i want to show a a clip heres Vanessa Kirby and Dwayne Johnson in fast furious presents hobbs shaw. Its a fun movie take a look. Hey, no but you wish you didnt take it easy on me now. I wish a lot of things right now. Youre out of your seat now its all going to seem like a bad dream. Jimmy Vanessa Kirby, everybody [ cheers and applause go see fast furious presents hobbs shaw in theaters and imax tomorrow well be right back with music from sam fender. Stick around everybody [ cheers and applause heres one you guys will like. Show me making it. Oh i got one. The best of amy poehler. Amy, maybe we could use the voice remote to search for something that youre not in. Show me parks and rec. From netflix to prime video to live tv, xfinity lets you find your favorites with the Emmy Awardwinning x1 voice remote. Show me the best of amy poehler, again. This time around. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Experience the entertainment you love on x1. Access netflix, prime video, youtube and more, all with the sound of your voice. Click, call or visit a store today. Has been excellent. They really appreciate the military family and it really shows. With all that usaa offers why go with anybody else . We know their rates are good, we know that theyre always going to take care of us. It was an instant savings and i should have changed a long time ago. It was funny because when we would call another insurance company, hey would say oh we cant beat usaa were the webber family. Were the tenneys were the hayles, and were usaa members for life. Get your usaa Auto Insurance quote today. [ cheers and applause jimmy performing we will talk from his debut album hypersonic missiles, out september 13th, please welcome sam fender [ cheers and applause blue monday blarin loudly out the speakers fluorescent liquid in his beaker another night theyv gone too far and she said i dont usually d this kind of thing does it change the way you think of me thinking isnt his fort and she said if you dance with me darling if you take me home will we talk in the mornin they leave weave around the nights commotion and dodge a mexican standoff and catch a ca back to his flat theres no romanc sprawled out acros the couc e cant even make his face ou an age old ritua and she said if you dance with me darling if you take me hom will we talk in the morning sometimes i close my eyes and sometime i see youre fin she said if you danc with me darlin if you take me home will we tal in the morning [ cheers and applause jimmy thats how you do it, brother. Come on, that was fantastic. Sam fender [ cheers and applause catch him on tour in the u. S. Starting in september thanks to hasan minhaj, Vanessa Kirby. Sam fender [ cheers and applause sam fender, and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania [ cheers and applause stay tuned for late night with seth myers. Thank you for watching have a great night i hope to see you tomorrow byebye everybody [ cheers and applause announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight billy eichner, star of orange is the new black actress Danielle Brooks music from hobo johnson, featuring the 8g band with fred armisen [ cheers and applause ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause that is great to hear. In that case, lets get to the news special Counsel Robert Mueller testified before congress today, and i got to say, he didnt seem thrilled
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