Transcripts For KNTV Late Night With Seth Meyers 20240714

The inquiry will determine whether epsteins death was a suicide, and if so, who suicided him. [ laughter ] former Vice President joe biden apologized this weekend after misspeaking at an event and saying quote, poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids. [ light laughter ] adding, sorry, that came out gay. [ laughter ] President Trump this weekend mocked former Vice President joe biden on twitter saying quote, does anybody really believe he is mentally fit to be president . That would be a great question if anybody else was asking it. [ laughter ] but this is like having the crazy guy in the subway walk up to you and say, can you believe this other guy . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause during a fundraiser event in the hamptons on friday, President Trump reportedly made fun of south korea and japan, and did impression of japanese and korean accents wow, that is actually impressive i didnt think he knew they were different. [ laughter ] when it comes to impressions, im incredibly nuanced. [ laughter ] what neighborhood in tokyo are you from . President ial hopeful andrew yang appeared on Anderson Cooper 360 earlier tonight and john delaney appeared on the today show [ laughter ] according to a West Virginia official, evangelicals were upset that President Trump took the lords name in vain last month at a rally said evangelicals, wed prefer if you refer to them as the gosh darn latinos invading our country. Authorities in South Carolina have dropped drug charges against a College Football player after a test proved that a white substance on the hood of his car was bird poop, not cocaine. [ laughter ] though i can understand their suspicion because everyone knows the best place to hide cocaine is on the hood of your car [ laughter ] those are two cops who have never partied. Hey chief, yeah, we got what we think is cocaine, its sort of hard and lumpy on the hood of a car. Im going to do that thing cops do on tv where i put my finger in it, rub it against my gums. [ audience groans chief, i think we got bird [ bleep here [ laughter ] what do you mean how do i know what it tastes like . [ light laughter ] according to a new study, 55 of men say their preferred alcoholic drink is beer. The other 45 say its beers [ clapping ] yeah that guys with me [ applause ] and finally, skittles has unveiled new halloweeninspired flavors including one called rotten zombie. Hey, thats our flavor, said the makers of candy corn [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a grshow for you tonight [ cheers and applause shes a very funny comedian and activist whose film, Kathy Griffin a hell of a story, is available now on itunes and amazon. Kathy griffin is here, everyone. [ cheers and applause you know him from his legendary work on star trek, and you can see him next in amcs the terror infamy. George takei is here [ cheers and applause and she is a talented writer and comedian whose incredible onewoman show, Jacqueline Novak get on your knees, is playing at the cherry lane theater here in new york through august 18th. Jacqueline novak is here tonight, everybody its a great show. Before we get to all of our guests well, it was another super chill weekend with the president of the United States retweeting a deranged Conspiracy Theory accusing a previous president of murder. For more on this, its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause seth donald trump has changed many things in his life, but there are a few constants. Hes always been a racist. Hes always been a con artist. And hes always been a conspiracy theorist. Trump has paranoid fantasies about everything from climate change, to government surveillance, to the food he eats according to the book fire and fury he had a longtime fear of being poisoned, one reason why he liked to eat at mcdonalds, nobody knew he was coming and the food was safely premade. [ laughter ] okay, first of all, at this point i think they know youre coming youre the norm of mcdonalds. If you want to catch a restaurant off guard, walk into a just salad also really hammers home how antiscience our president is that he eats fast food to avoid being poisoned my body is a temple two filetofish, please. During a 2016 town hall on cnn, trump basically admitted it to Anderson Cooper. Im a person that i like cleanliness, i like clean. And the one thing about the big franchises, you have to have a certain, you know, because of the importance one bad hamburger, you can destroy mcdonalds one bad hamburger, you can take wendys and all these other places and theyre out of business you cant do it. So im a very, im a very clean person i like cleanliness, and i think youre better off going there than maybe someplace that you have no idea where the foods coming from. Seth first of all, i would not call you a very clean person the only clean thing about you is your desk, and thats because you dont do anything. Look at that [ cheers and applause look at that right there that that looks like a hollywood tour where they let you take a photo on the set of the west wing. [ laughter ] theres not a single piece of paper on that desk when the next president moves in all theyre going to find are the water rings left by his diet cokes. Also you only think mcdonalds are clean because you send other people to pick up the food you base your opinion on mcdonalds on the commercials. Heres the money and remember, only take food directly from the clown. Hes the only one i trust. Of course, trump launched his political career by fabricating a racist Conspiracy Theory about president obamas birthplace and it wasnt just that trump accused obama of being born in kenya. He also invented an insane fantasy where obama had faked documents. And at one point he even claimed his own investigators were discovering evidence that proved obama was hiding the truth three weeks ago when i started i thought he was probably born in this country. And now i really have a much bigger doubt than i did before he doesnt have a birth certificate. Or he hasnt shown it. He has whats called a certificate of live birth. That is something thats easy to get. When you want a birth certificate, its very hard to get. He doesnt but its considered excuse me its considered the equivalent in its not the equivalent in the state of hawaii they said they have seen this document meredith, its not the equivalent it is evidence that he was i saw his i read it very carefully it doesnt have a serial number. It doesnt have a signature. Theres not even a signature seth the biggest lie in that interview was trump saying obama didnt have a birth certificate. The second biggest lie was trump saying he read something carefully. Id be shocked if he could make it through something as long as a birth certificate. To help him fall asleep at night he probably reads a Business Card [ laughter ] oh, they also have facts. [ cheers and applause anyway, continue with your bull[ bleep ]. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what theyre finding. You have people now down there absolutely. Searching, i mean, in hawaii . Absolutely, and they cannot believe what theyre finding seth he said that eight years ago, and hes never once explained what they were finding. [ light laughter ] and the reason is because there were no investigators searching for documents in hawaii. If he did send anyone down there it was probably his two weird sons you cant believe what were finding, dad their rocks have juice in them. [ laughter ] [ applause ] did you tell them about the juice rocks . Im telling him right now [ applause ] trump even went so far as to claim that the contemporaneous newspaper accounts of obamas birth in local hawaii newspapers had been faked there were two announcements, the week he was born, in both honolulu newspapers saying that he was born. Okay that is impossible, that is impossible, to make happen if he had not been born in the hospital so i just dismissed it, but you made a big deal out of it. Bill, i grew up with wall street geniuses. What they do in terms of fraud and how they change documents and ill tell you something, if you noticed, those dates were three days later, and heres what i ask people. Who puts announcements two poor people, a man and a woman with no money, to have a baby, theres announcements in the newspaper . The grandparents did it excuse me the grandparents Nelson Rockefeller doesnt put announcements sure, there are birth announcements all the time ive never seen one really . No. Theyre common. Ive never seen one seth maybe youve never seen one because your parents never did one for you. If anything, they probably took out an ad that said donald trump was born, were sorry. [ cheers and applause then, of course, then, of course theres the racist Conspiracy Theory that trump has repeated since he was elected that millions of undocumented immigrants are voting illegally in states like california. In fact, he just repeated it last month in a speech to a group of young conservatives, and it barely registered as a blip on the news because were so numb to it now. And then those illegals get out and vote because they vote anyway dont kid yourself those numbers in california and numerous other states, theyre rigged you got people voting that shouldnt be voting. [ applause ] they vote many times not just twice not just three times they vote, its like a circle. They come back they put a new hat on. They come back, they put a new shirt on and in many cases they dont even do that you know whats going on seth i love the moment where hes like, oh [ bleep ], whats the word for this . Oh, i know theres a big im going to fall back on circle. [ laughter ] trumps always been an unhinged conspiracy theorist. We saw that on display yet again this weekend when he retweeted an insane Conspiracy Theory tying the clintons to the death of convicted pedophile and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. We begin this morning with a retweet from the president of the United States. Not a message about healing or uniting the country one week after two horrifying massacres not about the victims of those tragedies. Instead, President Trump using his massive twitter platform, 63 million followers, to spread a deranged Conspiracy Theory tying the death of pedophile Jeffrey Epstein in prison to the president s former political rivals, the clintons im not going to show you the tweet. Seth think about that. The president s tweets are so insane the news cant even show them now its getting to the point where when we talks to reporters theyre going to have to blur out his entire face. [ light laughter ] theyre going to have to treat him like accidental nudity we elected president nip slip. [ laughter ] trumps penchant for peddling insane conspiracy theories isnt just a weird personality quirk it has real consequences for real people. For example, hes repeatedly giving voice to the racist and antisemitic Conspiracy Theory that democrats and the jewish philanthropist george soros are somehow funding a plot to have refugees invade the United States by organizing caravans of migrants the democrats want caravans they like the caravans a lot of people say, i wonder who started that caravan do you know how the caravan started, does everybody know what this means . I think the democrats had something to do with it. Do you think somebody is funding that caravan you think anyones paying for the caravan . I wouldnt be surprised yeah i wouldnt be surprised. George soros . Whos paying for it. I dont know who. I wouldnt be surprised. A lot of people say yes. Seth i dont know who, but a lot of people say yes. He always tries to do this move where he pretends he doesnt know anything, but a lot of people are saying it im starting to think these people are just other trump personalities. Golf trump says its the democrats. Sweaty trump says its soros and empty desk trump says cheese [ laughter ] of course, trumps not alone in peddling this racist paranoia. The rightwing Media Outlets he loves and echoes constantly repeat deranged theories about invading refugees, the same language used by White Supremacists in fact, multiple fox hosts have defended the president s use of the word invasion to describe desperate refugees seeking asylum including fox host Jeanine Pirro who used a very bizarre analogy on her show saturday night stop blaming the president for this stuff even the guy said, before President Trump, i didnt like the people coming in so, lets stop blaming trump he used that rhetoric thats what makes it dangerous oh, come on we all use the same language. We speak english so what . I dont call Illegal Immigrants invaders. Yeah, well, a lot of people do you know, i watch cartoons they have invaders, too. I mean, you know, from mars. Stop with this craziness seth you cant say stop with the craziness right after you say, i watch cartoons and they have invaders from mars. [ laughter ] [ applause ] that is as jarring as hearing a dog scream, no pets allowed. By the way, the same weekend trump retweeted his deranged epstein theory he was in the hamptons for a series of fundraisers where tickets ran as high as 250 thousand, which sums up so much of our politics right now. A paranoid president spreading unhinged racist conspiracies while raking in millions from a crowd of mega rich supporters who dont care as long as they can line their own pockets meanwhile, most sane people are saying stop with this craziness. Seth this has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause well be right back with Kathy Griffin, everyone. [ cheers and applause announcer for more of seths closer looks be sure to subscribe to late night on youtube. Oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. Ill vo you something, ill shvfundraising. Ing. Giving back. Subaru and our retailers have given over one hundred and sixtyfive Million Dollars to charity. We call it our love promise. And its why you dont even have to own a subaru to love a subaru retailer. Love. Its what makes subaru, subaru but we were made to move. So move more live more degree motionsense made to move. [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, everybody. Give it up for the 8g band right over there [ cheers and applause also joining us this week on drums, hes a twotime Grammy Nominated artist, producer and composer from right here in new york city. This fall you can catch him on tour with brittany howard. For tour dates and more information, please visit natesmithmusic. Com nate smith is here, everybody. [ cheers and applause thank you seth great to see you again, nate our first guest tonight is an emmy and grammy winning comedian her new film Kathy Griffin a hell of a story is available now on itunes and amazon or wherever you download movies lets take a look. Look in the camera and say whatever you want to say to sean hannity sean, i was terribly upset that what the angry way and terrible things you talked to about talked about kathy. I thought it was very ungallant for a man to sorry she swore so spiteful honest to god, its the truth. I didnt tell but i was talking to the tv. [ laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show Kathy Griffin, everyone [ cheers and applause seth welcome back, kathy i love coming here. Thank you for having me. Seth you were here a year ago. I was here when i was in the television industry. Seth now now that im a film star, i should barely talk to you. [ laughter ] sad. Seth i know, i mean this is i have a movie. Seth you have a movie. Like a real life movie that played in theaters, that played in 700 theaters, and as of this minute, its available on apple and amazon and you can download it now and see Kathy Griffin hell of a story. Seth and this is [ cheers and applause this is based on, inspired by in may of 2017, you took the i was involved in a photo seth picture seen around the world. Some of you may have heard of seth yes you it was a photo, you were holding a fake decapitated head of the president i love that you still have to justify fake seth yeah. Like, you realize there are still people that think i was holding just a random head seth well, he does sometime [ laughter ] maybe not his, but, like, someones. Seth he does sometimes talk like someone whos had it reattached [ laughter ] well, i wish. I would like to put obamas head right on him and have him start monday seth but then you got youll have obamas headless body running around. I mean [ laughter and applause seth yeah. Wed be better off. Seth you but i want to say this obviously you were criticized by the right, criticized by some on the left and this is oh, everybody seth this is a story right, left and center. Seth about and now the film is out. And are you still being criticized how are the reviews . Okay. So first of all, im so grateful because seth was like one of the only people that would have me on for real to this day and you helped me promote the tour so i did the tour, Kathy Griffin laugh your head off. Get it [ laughter ] i crack myself up. I do seth you do. You do i crack myself up sometimes [ applause ] and so, the tour actually, it did very well in the u. S. But it did almost even better overseas. So im hoping amazon prime streams it overseas because if youve traveled, you know that people around the world want to know what hell is happening and they want to hear it from a genuine american seth yeah. Now, in the meantime, they have, i guess, what the kids call the Comment Section seth the Comment Section, yes. [ laughter ] on the apple itunes seth yeah. And so im guessing that some of my bad reviews from the film because it wasnt even out yet when these came in, they might be from robots or ivanka seth yeah. [ laughter ] heres bullet 1979, not a fan. Yeah. Seth not a fan. Used to be real funny but now just that coworker that tried hard to fit in. Seth yeah, thats a one star that doesnt mention one scene in the film at all seth yeah. And when i was a bank teller, i was a riot all right . [ laughter ] i was a fun coworker. Seth yup, theres this one okay, here, Kathy Griffin hasnt been funny since ever. Seth yup, there you go theres a one star a historian historian. Seth this one theyve gone way back seth this one maybe gives away their politics with the last sentence. Okay. Seth well go with this one. Here we go. Seth here we go. Hey, im just using my First Amendment rights writing this comment. This movie is an abomination any true american would denounce it. Seth yeah, that was i feel like thats maybe the giveaway there yeah, there was no sort of detailed reviews seth they do mention First Amendment, and you did read the freedom of speech award. You won, i should say. Yes seth the film won the freedom of speech award at Michael Moores Traverse City film festival. What about that seth yeah, thats fantastic. It got in film festivals [ cheers and applause seth but i will say if youre a trump supporter, you dont think youre going to like the movie because kathy is in it, Michael Moore gave it an award. So now thats right. [ laughter ] freedom of speech award because i do believe the First Amendment is under attack. I got you guys, i got to give a speech about the First Amendment to oxford university, which is not even in america seth wow [ cheers and applause did you know that seth i didnt know how was that i didnt know either. It was i didnt even go to college. I started working, you know, i was a bus boy. I never told you this. Seth no. But i was such a bad server we could say waitress in those days but i was a bus boy for five years. So, i was meant to tell [ bleep ] jokes. I have a gift. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] and its hard to be a bus boy for five years and not get that promotion. Yeah it was i was not focused seth yeah. I was very focused on comedy. And so, yeah, i got to give a speech at oxford, at the oxford about the First Amendment and they were just all saying like how is this happening . What is gerrymandering what is the Electoral College . And i know that First Amendment wall to wall i dont know the other ones but im telling you i know that first one wall to wall [ laughter ] seth yeah. There you go thank god for it. Its our commodity damage. Seth youve made some nice friends over the course of the year i did i openly say i lost many, many friends and many hollywood friends. I dont have an agent, you know, nobody would buy this film i made it myself i funded it. The first third is a documentary that my boyfriend and i just took with phones and the second twothirds are a comedy concert which no one no one would buy. And im in the guinness book of World Records for more comedy specials that i wrote and directed i mean, wrote and produced than any comedian male or female living or dead anyway [ cheers and applause seth whered you film . What city did you film in for the night of the taping . Oh, i filmed i did a union taping at the broad theater at Santa Monica College seth great and when i was here in new york, you new yorkers are so great cause i got to play Carnegie Hall sold out on a monday and then radio city on a tuesday. Seth there you go. Which was amazing so while [ cheers ] seth you met some friends. Heres while ive been complaining about losing some friends, ive gained some fantastic friends. Perhaps youve heard of Stormy Daniels seth there you go. Yeah, thats right. [ cheers and applause seth the classic bathtub shot well, not classic for stormy cause shes dressed seth yes but i dont judge like you people i dont judge. [ light laughter ] and i actually had a dinner party in stormys honor last week cause i feel like when stormy comes into town she deserves a nice meal seth absolutely. And it was fantastic. And people wanted to i had a great First Amendment attorney there. Not Michael Avenatti hes, you know, hes out of the picture. [ laughter ] and people were singing. Jennifer lewis was there and sang to stormy, and shes a fun girl so, im prostormy seth and one of the things thats very serious as were laughing about this, you were detained by yeah. Seth federal agents after the photo was taken. Well, i was yeah, like one of the reasons i wanted to make the movie, for real is like, i want you to laugh more than anything, but i really want you guys know that what happened to me could happen to you so i was the first person in the history of this country to be put under a federal investigation by the secret service and the u. S. Attorneys office not with a phone call, they just put me under investigation. I was on the nofly list for two months when i was interrogated under oath, i didnt just get, like, a phone call interrogated under oath. And they were considering charging me with the crime of conspiracy to assassinate the president of the United States, which holds a lifetime sentence. So one of the things i want you guys to know is when you go to the airport, im sorry to say, they can take your phone they can take your sim card. They can take your passport. I filed two foias. I still dont know what was on my passport. Then i was put on whats called the interpol list. Explain that you went to school [ laughter ] seth interpol is like is like the fbi in england. Did you go to school or not seth i dont know. Okay. [ laughter ] the interpol is a collection of Police Agencies that Work Together with our allies so theres also nafta, and theres five is. Do you know the seth do i know the five is yeah. Do you know the five is . Seth intelligence, inspiration e no. Seth imagination [ laughter ] United Kingdom oh, my god. Whered you go seth what . Whered you go to school . Seth well, i feel bad, it will reflect badly on the school wait, are you part [ laughter ] are you part of that college scam, like Felicity Huffman and aunt becky seth i did yeah oh, my god. Aunt becky got him into school seth yeah. [ laughter ] go, cats so, anyway, i hope you laugh more than anything but i also truly want people to know, be prepared, this stuff can happen stuff is getting a lot crazier and maybe i hope people will look back and go, you know, maybe we kind of overreacted to that photo considering whats happening now. Although im very proud of this joke, which it took me, like, a year to be able to say so to this day people come up to me on the street and go, go back to isis youre an isis. And i go, i worked at the gift shop for a week. Get over it. [ laughter ] thank god thank god, youre laughing [ laughter ] that was i was nervous. Seth well, thank you so much for being back here. Congratulations on the film. Thank you [ cheers and applause thank you. Seth it was nice to have you as always. Thats Kathy Griffin, everybody. Hell of a story is available now. Well be right back with george takei [ cheers and applause ok. Family meeting aww come on im right in the middle of my show busy. Doing homework. I can hear you playing video games. Thats me, honey well, im going to tmobile and for every iphone ten r i buy, theyll give me another one. But if youre all too busy. Wait, what . Youre getting iphone ten rs . Awww yeah. The battery life on those is sick. Oh, can you bring me back one . I cant pause this game. Come to tmobile and for each iphone ten r you get, get a second one on us. Youre too young. Tare you kidding . Od boys. I know its fudged up. I have an idea. Are you 18 or older . Eww how many husbands does she have . [ screaming ] rated r. When does an opportunity become a golden opportunity . When luxury and capability meet exceptional offers. Dont miss your golden opportunity to experience the luxury you desire on a full line of utility vehicles. Now, at the lexus golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, so you only pay for what you need. I wish i could shake your hand. Granted. Only pay for what you need. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Were going all in thion strawberries. Ra, at their reddest, ripest, they make everything better. Like our strawberry poppyseed salad and new strawberry summer caprese salad. Order online for delivery. Panera. Food as it should be and this is a real person named mackenzie book. Hi, im mac book. So mac, which laptop lasts longer . Surface laptop lasts longer. Hmm, interesting. And which ones faster . This ones faster. Really . Amazing. Which one has a better touchscreen . The surface has a better touchscreen. Because it actually has a touchscreen. Oh, right. Macs dont have touchscreens. You should get a surface. Trust me, im mac book. Well, there you have it. Mac book says, get a surface. [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is an activist and talented actor you know from his work on star trek. He stars in the terror infamy which airs mondays on amc. Lets take a look. You boxed against a tuna . 1915. I just come from San Francisco i was tea farmer never fished before, but i catch 200 pound blue thing down by newport bay. I reel it in fish sit up on deck like this. I punch it in the face knock it out one punch. Seth please welcome to the show george takei, everyone. [ cheers and applause seth hi, george. How are you . Just great. Youre looking great, too. Seth thank you very much you were just in pittsburgh for steel city con how does it feel much has been written about the fact that, you know star trek was not as anywhere near as popular when it was airing as it is now. Is it still surreal to you that fans are so deeply connected to that show . Its 53 years old we went on the air in 1966 canceled in 1969 exactly 50 years ago and here we are, 53 years later, with another new star trek spinoff with Patrick Stewart and another movie being talked about by, with tarantino i mean, its an amazing phenomenon seth and people must still be so happy to see you when they go to Something Like steel city con. I greet my fans like this [ cheers and applause seth you know how to please them so. We have lived much longer than we expected and prospered in so many wondrous ways like all these fans [ laughter ] seth thats fantastic. This show, the terror infamy, this is much more serious subject matter and its based on the internment of japaneseamericans theres a supernatural element to it, but this is a very real issue for you. Not just being a japaneseamerican but you were interned as a child from the age of 5 to 8. Is that right . I just turned 5 years old a few weeks after that, my parents got me up very early one morning, dressed us hurriedly. My brother a year younger, and my baby sister, still a baby, an infant and my father said to my brother and me, wait here in the living room while we do some lastminute packing. So the two of us were just looking out, gazing out the front window and suddenly we saw two soldiers marching up our driveway carrying rifles with shiny bayonets on them they stomped up the porch and with their fists began pounding on the door. I the way i remember it, the whole house seemed to tremble, and my father came out and answered the door and literally at gunpoint we were ordered out of our house and so my father gave my brother and me little packages to carry. He hefted two heavy suitcases, and we followed them out onto the driveway and waited for our mother to come out when she came out, she had our baby sister in one arm, a heavy duffel bag in the other and tears were streaming down her cheeks it is a picture thats burnt into my memory seth what did you think was happening being that young in a situation like that . What were your memories of the time of what this was and why it was happening . That morning was a terrifying morning, but then we were taken, you know, the camps were just being built. So they took us to santa anita racetrack, nearby racetrack. We were herded over with other japaneseamerican families to the stable area and assigned a horse stall for us to sleep in from a twobedroom home, front yard, backyard, on garnet street in l. A. To a horse stall for my parents, it was a degrading, humiliating, painful experience, to take their three children into that smelly horse stall. Still pungent with and i still remember that smell. But for me, i thought it was fun to sleep where the horsies sleep. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] you know, horsies slept here. Seth sure. I can smell them. [ light laughter ] seth now, how surreal was it for you to return to a set that was built to evoke this time and having such specific memories of youre comback in a muchly, better perspective on it having the control of telling the story. But was it hard for you to walk onto a set and see those camps again . Remember, i was a 5yearold kid, and they built on 6. 5 acre lot of land an exact replica of the internment camps the barracks that were exactly the way i remembered it. There was a little crawl space down below and i recognized that because we adopted a black dog, cute little dog. We named him blackie, and whenever something scared him, you know, when gunfire was going off, he got scared and he would crawled under the crawl space and we crawled in after him. So, you know, i remember the details. The set designers did tremendous research strips of wood that held the tarp on were exactly the same dimensions so it was, to me, a kind of a nostalgic return because of my childhood experience, but as a teenager, i learned a lot more about the reality, the harrowing experience, that was my parents. And so with both the adult knowledge and the memory of a child, it was an eerie kind of a feeling. Seth you i certainly have been guilty of this, too you have sort of asked people to stop referring to it as japanese internment camps which is certainly how i had learned it we all speak english. Seth but you think its its a misnomer. Well, japanese internment camps, according to grammar, will lead you to think that they were run by the japanese government we were american citizens of japanese ancestry ordered by the president of the United States to be imprisoned in the United States, in our case, arkansas, and guarded over by the u. S. Military. They were american concentration camps for americans of japanese ancestry we were in japaneseamerican internment camps, but the press always for the last 75 years have been referring to those mps. Caas japanese internment and it drove me up the wall every time i hear it seth and, you know, its hard not to draw a parallel to whats happening now how hard is it for you to see whats happening to families at the border right now, thinking that maybe what had happened to you was part of American History as opposed to american present it is a parallel, but its a new low because we as children were always together with our parents. We were never separated and our parents protected us from the reality that was surrounding us. What we have on the southern borders now is a grotesque new low. Children being torn away from their parents. Infants torn away, put in filthy, disgusting, cages with human waste in it. I mean, children and to really underscore the evil in this, some of them are scattered to the far reaches of the United States from the southern border. Minnesota, wisconsin, new jersey i mean, intentional cruelty. Evil and when the courts order them to bring the children and the parents together, they are so incompetent that they cant find the right child or the paren to put them together it is an american tragedy and an american disgrace. Seth well, theres not much more to say about it than what you said, but it does to see what youve gone through and to see where you are now is in a time where its often hard to find things to be hopeful and optimistic about, that is something i will look to thank you so much for being here and speaking to us congratulations on the show. [ cheers and applause george takei, everybody the terror infamy airs mondays on amc well be right back with Jacqueline Novak [ cheers and applause hey, who are you . Oh, hey jeff, im a car thief. What . im here to steal your car because, well, thats my job. What . What . . What . laughing what . . What . what . [crash] what . haha, it happens. And if youve got cutrate car insurance, paying for this could feel like getting robbed twice. So get allstate. And be better protected from mayhem. Like me. But we were made to move. So move more live more degree motionsense made to move. drum roll and the record for longestlasting aa battery goes to. cymbal crash energizer ultimate lithium. Guinness World Records title holder for longestlasting aa battery. Music playing good morning, i am bringing you some sad and upsetting news. First and foremost i want to. I am a journalist, i can feel when the world needs me. Because guess what, america loves me im just here to deliver the news to america, thats all i ever wanted to do. People get their horrible news, delivered to the palm of their hand. Dont you ever question my integrity in my own house again. I feel that people are screaming for an honest conversation. I can guarantee that you are underestimating me. I think they want to know the person behind the facade. I have to fight back youre not listening i push, thats just my nature. I dont need to justify anything. And they all want to be right, and they all want to win. We are doing this my way. I think they want to trust, that the person that is telling them the truth about the world, is an honest person. Wherever you are. Whatever youre craving. And whenever youre craving it. Doordash has the restaurants you want. Delivered to your door. Wherever your door happens to be. Download doordash. The most restaurants across america. First order, 0 delivery fee. To the wait did frowe just winners. Prouders everyone uses their phone differently. Thats why Xfinity Mobile created a different kind of wireless network. With a different way to do data. One designed to save you money. Now you can share data between lines, mix with unlimited, and switch it up at anytime. Design your own data with Xfinity Mobile. Its wireless reimagined. Simple, easy, awesome. Announcer this week on late night with seth meyers. Michael che alsion brie jake tapper and music from torch head over to itunes to subscribe to the late night with seth meyers podcast. Youll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone. Ozempic® announcer people with type 2 diabetes are excited about the potential of onceweekly ozempic®. In a study with ozempic®, a majority of adults lowered their blood sugar and reached an a1c of less than 7 and maintained it. Oh under 7 . announcer and you may lose weight. In the same oneyear study, adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. Oh up to 12 pounds . announcer a twoyear study showed that ozempic® does not increase the risk of major cardiovascular events like heart attack, stroke, or death. Oh no increased risk . announcer ozempic® should not be the first medicine for treating diabetes, or for people with type 1 diabetes or diabetic ketoacidosis. Do not share needles or pens. Dont reuse needles. Do not take ozempic® if you have a personal or Family History of medullary thyroid cancer, multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2, or if you are allergic to ozempic®. Stop taking ozempic® and get medical help right away if you get a lump or swelling in your neck, severe stomach pain, itching, rash, or trouble breathing. Serious side effects may happen, including pancreatitis. Tell your doctor if you have Diabetic Retinopathy or vision changes. Taking ozempic® with a sulfonylurea or insulin may increase the risk for low blood sugar. Common side effects are nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, stomach pain, and constipation. Some side effects can lead to dehydration, which may worsen kidney problems. I discovered the potential with ozempic®. Oh oh oh ozempic® announcer if eligible, you may pay as little as 25 per prescription. Ask your Health Care Provider today about onceweekly ozempic®. Liberty mutual customizes your car insurance, hmm. Exactly. So you only pay for what you need. Nice. But, uh. Whats up with your. Partner . Not again. Limu thats your reflection. Only pay for what you need. Liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty milk, fresh cream and only sustainably farmed vanilla. Its made with fresh cream, sugar and milk. Breyers the good vanilla. We proudly partner with American Farmers for grade a milk and cream. Mmm oooooooooo. Ill show you something neeeeeewwww. Im gonna make you moooooove. Ill show you something, ill show you something. Neeeeeewwww. carrying up to 50 times its tbody weight. Essly marches on. It never questions the tasks at hand. But this year, theres a more thrilling path to follow. father kids. Change of plans vo defy the laws of human nature. At the summer of audi sales event get exceptional offers now and my side super soft . With the sleep number 360 smart bed you can both. Adjust your comfort with your sleep number setting. So, can it help us fall asleep faster . Yes, by gently warming your feet. But can it help keep me asleep . Absolutely, it intelligently senses your movements and automatically adjusts to keep you both effortlessly comfortable. Will it help me keep up with him . Yup. So, you can really promise better sleep . Not promise. Prove. Its your last chance to save up to 600 on select sleep number 360 smart beds. Plus no interest until january 2022 on all smart beds. Ends wednesday. Dand steaks arent just for dinner. St. And right now we can have both for less because with choice sirloin. Dennys is elevating its new steak and eggs for just 10. 99. Its new and its a pretty big deal. See you at dennys [ cheers and applause seth our next guest is a talented writer and comedian whose onewoman show, Jacqueline Novak get on your knees, is currently running at the cherry lane theater. It will then run at the Lucille Lortel theater from august 28th through september 21st please welcome to the show Jacqueline Novak, everybody. [ cheers and applause seth hello, jacqueline hello as you saw, i opted to not walk out with the shoe. Seth yeah. Im not an athlete. Its not what its about [ laughter ] seth i gotcha. Youre not trying to show off. No, its you know, the look was planned for sitting [ light laughter ] i mean, you always imagine, you always imagine, you know, when you watch these shows, you know, lying in bed, you watch it, you go, what would i wear if i were on a show like that . And then, the day arrives, and, there you are. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] i mean, i feel like i hope this okay to say, i feel like you nailed it. Please. Did i . [ light laughter ] im sorry. [ cheers and applause i i also ive always wanted to be someone who really uses the chair, you know what i mean seth sure, sure, sure. Who isnt in a prison of the chair, but sort of, the becomes a tool of my seth yeah. And by the way, we appreciate, we put a lot of thought into the chair and were so disappointed by how few people use it i feel it, yeah no, i feel it. Theres a well some people, i dont know i mean, how do you make it work in this . Seth yeah, how do you feel that feels real good [ light laughter ] yeah i think when you do that, its a little much. Yeah well this is no, no, absolutely the thing is, and im in kind of a mode, a sort of talk show mode you know how its a little different than the usual but i feel, i dont know, its a talk show. Isnt it the mode i should be in seth yeah, look, i think everyones very comfortable with the mode right now yes, okay [ laughter ] i just i dont know i like to, you know, in general, well you saw my show lets get right to it. Seth i did and by the way, i loved it i loved your show. Okay. I wanted to get to the compliments and fast seth oh, yes [ laughter ] a wonderful show oh, i should point out a show that was so successful at its first theater, they had to find a second theater youre moving to a second theater. The Lucille Lortel yes [ cheers and applause seth thats great. Are you excited . Its in the same neighborhood. In the west village. Yes, its another beautiful old west village theater another haunted theater. Seth oh, its haunted. I mean, i think so. The cherry lane was definitely haunted. There were visible orbs that you can see on the infrared camera i dont know if your audience watches as much nonfiction paranormal programming inside the home as i do but seth okay, gotcha. For those of us that dont watch as much nonfiction paranormal programming, what are some dead giveaways of paranormal activity the orb . What is the orb . The orb is i like to defend orbs. A lot of people dont acknowledge them and sort of their full personhood theyre the embarrassment of the Ghost Community because essentially theyre the small transparent circles of light that will appear in a photograph and someone will say, oh, greatgrandmother did come to the wedding, sort of thing. Seth yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] and then, you know, inevitably, some of them will say, no, no, no, thats light passing through a particle of dust on the cameras lens. Theyre just rude. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] and what if you were the greatgrandmother . [ light laughter ] anyway, but, yeah, im very excited. But, i think its important. Yeah, i want to be in a haunted theater. Seth a haunted theater and i should get on your knees is gives away a little bit about your show. Your show is about is about and again, you know, were on late at night but ill try to be little more clinical than you are with your beautiful language thank you seth that you use in the show it is a show about oral sex. Okay, seth. [ laughter ] wow. Seth what i genuinely loved about it, is i feel like theres been a lot in Popular Culture from a young males perspective of, like, whats going to happen, the search for oral sex, whats going to happen when you get it yes seth and it was fascinating for me to listen to a womans perspective as a young girl to be told about it yes seth and the journey you took in [ laughter ] no, thats very interesting seth, because often the woman, okay, and you know, joseph campbell, quest, sort of thing. You know, the woman is the world and she is the goal. Right . But what if youre the girl . Wheres the heroines quest, right . And yeah, i mean, i heard about it from a pretty young age. I always felt there was something crass about the way it was spoken about that didnt appeal to me i felt like if i was gonna engage in these things i wanted them to be meaningful. I thought, you know i mean, the body is crass, right . The bodys an indignity. Being a heterosexual woman in this day and age, of course, one of the great indignities you know, so, i just i always search for a kind of way to poeticize these things that makes them tolerable to me. What else did you like about the show i just [ laughter ] seth well i think the great achievement of the show for me yes, please seth as a viewer, was that you have im now seeing a part of my body that i have seen many times differently thank you seth and not always in a better light, but i feel a more honest light yes, yes. Seth and you i would love for you to describe, and, again, you know, maybe using try the same language and well see how it goes. Yeah. Seth how foolish that when the penis yes seth is done doing what it does sexually, it ends up in a foolish place. You argue that it should retract fully into the body seth yeah. [ laughter and applause yeah, no, it just we need a full retraction. Of course, theres a diminishment, but we need a full retraction because it just doesnt seem safe for it to still be out seth yeah. [ light laughter ] you know, theres a quality of kind of, youre weak now, you need to go home. [ laughter ] you know, its not safe for you. Ive always felt that the penis is a bit like a puppet that, you know, comes out in a puppet show and does its bit, but after its bit is over, it doesnt go back behind the puppet theater. The puppet just dies [ laughter ] over the front of the theater and youre, you know, its scaring the children seth yeah. [ light laughter ] youre going, i dont know if were supposed to be able to see that character anymore i feel like, you know, youre hoping seth thats why ever since your show, i have gotten a tiny curtain. [ laughter ] exactly this is why youre a showman [ applause ] seth a showman you have a sense of showmanship. Seth it is a wonderful show. I mean this genuinely and sincerely. There are so many jokes i have not been able to stop thinking about. Im so glad youre getting a longer run my god. Seth thats Jacqueline Novak, everybody. Get on your knees will air at the Lucille Lortel theater through september 31st well be right back. [ cheers and applause heres one you guys will like. Show me making it. Oh i got one. The best of amy poehler. Amy, maybe we could use the voice remote to search for something that youre not in. Show me parks and rec. From netflix to prime video to live tv, xfinity lets you find your favorites with the Emmy Awardwinning x1 voice remote. Show me the best of amy poehler, again. This time around. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Experience the entertainment you love on x1. Access netflix, prime video, youtube and more, all with the sound of your voice. Click, call or visit a store today. [ cheers and applause seth my thanks to Kathy Griffin, george takei, Jacqueline Novak, everybody [ cheers and applause nate smith, the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Ill see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause