Democratic debate, senator Elizabeth Warren said that President Trump disgraces the office of the president every single day, which isnt fair, because hes really only in the office like twice a week [ laughter ] after the first half of tonights debate, google searches for former congressman john dlany increased by 3400 , and still no results [ laughter ] President Trump did not tweet for the entirety of tonights debate i think we all owe a big thank you to the bachelorette finale [ applause ] this weeks Second Democratic debate is separate into two parts. Although you cant really have a substantive debate between ten people, even in a threesome, somebody ends up feeling left out. Even if they had the best ideas. [ laughter ] tonights half of the debate marked the first appearance of steve bullock, who replaced congressman Eric Swalwell who dropped out. Not going to lie, still not sure which is which [ laughter ] the dnc today rejected a poll that president ial hopeful andrew yang was attempting to use to qualify for septembers democratic debate. But i dont know, looks pretty convincing [ laughter ] President Trump gave his prediction to the outcome of the democratic primary why are you asking him whos going to win he didnt even predict he was going to win President Trump also said today that he thinks former Vice President joe biden will get the democratic nomination, but will limp across the finish line. Opposed to trump who only limped when hes asked about vietnam. When hes asked about vietnam. Police in new york helped a mother give birth in costco parking lot yesterday, but since it was costco, she had to do it in bulk. Uber announced credit has laid off 400 employees from its Marketing Team well, not so much lay them off as drop them off a few blocks before their destination and finally, today was Arnold Schwarzeneggers 72nd birthday he looks great when asked what his secret was, he said, i have a second family ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight [ cheers and applaus her standup special not normal is currently available on netflix. Wanda sykes is here, everybody and heres author of dear america, Jose Antonio Vargas is here, as well. [ applause ] we have a great show tonight before we get to our guests, tonight was the first round of the second series of democratic president ial debates for more on this, its time for a closer look. [ applause ] of course, just because it was the democrats big night doesnt mean that donald trump could stay out of the news in fact, hes physically incapable of it. Im shocked he didnt crash through the walls of the debate stage in his golf cart he spends the day screaming at the tv all day, ranting about baltimore to trade to morgue talk though shows, tweeting, do i hear the beautiful word bipartisan i dont know, do you lets listen in a few moments, i will sign a bipartisan bill. Of course, a bar partisan is someone who only votes while drunk. How do i get out of this booth also, how do you mess up the word bipartisan . Its like the most popular word in politics. Thats like messing up the Word Congress or lawmakers. Law merkers he was asked if his racist attacks on congressman cummings is part of a calculated strategy, which is clearly not true, and also doesnt matter. Its just who trump is hes a racist thats how he sees the world when he was asked today if it was a grand strategy, he said theres no strategy i have no strategy theres zero strategy that would be an accurate trump response to literally any question President Trump, when you stand up straight, are you inte intentionally puffing your chest out like an angry kangaroo i stand like this because my bones are hollowed out from the diet coke. Today was a day of seemingly accidental confessions from President Trump, because he was also asked by reporters about a bipartisan Election Security bill that Mitch Mcconnell is blocking trump tried to defend him, but i dont think his comments were helpful. Mitch mcconnell is a man that knows less about russia and russias influence than even donald trump and i know nothingn dona i agree i mean, this is a crazy day. And, again, an answer that could work for literally any question. After his presidency is over and they haul him in on obstruction of justice charges, hes going to be telling the cops, it was all mike pences idea. I know nothing. Seth all of this is why whatever you think of the democrats, it was a relief and change of pace to hear a bunch of people who can speak in coherent sentences about actual policies the only time Elizabeth Warren has ever been a bar partisan is when she drank a beer that one time on Instagram Live warren was one of the leading contenders coming into tonights debate along with her close friend Bernie Sanders. And coming into the debate tonight, there were a lot of questions about how they would handle their friendship. The media couldnt help but speculate would they go after each other or team up to go after the moderates on stage tonight, the front runlters are going to be Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren one of the Big Questions is, will they go after each other they kind of seem to have a pact they wont go after each other. Does that pact live through the eving . They are competing for some of the same voters so does she try to create differentiation with senator sanders or focus on joe biden or do a different thing i think sanders and warren are more likely to team up against some of the more moderate candidates on stage seth they should team up, like a wrestling duo warren could give a lengthy explanation for her plans for a wealth tax on assets over 50 million and bernie could hit a billionaire over the head with a chair and then there was the rest of the field. Everyone was looking for their moment to stand out. There were Big Questions for each of them questions like who the hell are these guys would beto bust out his spanish again . And since cory cooker wasnt on stain, would he make this face at home . Would tim ryan get could touring the stage again looking like a pledge and would Mary Ann Williamson explode into a million butterflies that spell out the word love . While some candidates had big fan bases, others got more muted reactions. Senator Bernie Sanders. [ cheers and applause senator Elizabeth Warren [ cheers and applause mayor Pete Buttigieg [ cheers and applause former congressman john delaney [ cheers and applause oh, man, what a bummer for that guy to have to follow warren, buttigieg and bernie its like springstein and the Rolling Stones concert after all that, Elizabeth Warren returned the opening kickoff for a 99yard touchdown. And then there was still more, because they also had Opening Statements we didnt even get to our first question until 25 minutes in you could have watched an entire episode of slveep. What is this guy doing here and where is grommet [ applause [ applause ] we did give the benefit of an Opening Statement from Maryann Williamson who made it weird with her word choice in 1776, our founders brought forth on this planet an extraordinary new possibility. On this planet . To be clear, on the planet im from, you can only vote if you have gathered enough moon crystals and then the democrats immediately got into it, with the moderators asking bernie to respond to former congressman John Delaneys criticism of his medicare for all plan. You support medicare for all, which could take private Health Insurance away from more than 150 million americans in exchange for governmentsponsored health care for everyone congressman delaney referred to it as bad policy, and previously he called the idea political suicide that will just get President Trump reelected what do you say to congressman delaney . Youre wrong. [ laughter ] thats a quick answer bernie said that like hes definitely used those words before sir, you ordered the lobster bisque youre wrong i ordered the chicken soup and i want those crackers crackers for all and then after delaney and others accused bernie and warren of trying to make private herlt insurance illegal, warren stepped in lets be clear, we are the democrats. Were not about trying to take away health care from anyone thats what the republicans are trying to do and we should stop using republican talking points in order to talk with each other about how to best provide that health care. Elizabeth warren will turn this car around right now and nobody is going to disney land [ applause ] bernie and warren have standown moments and bernie seemed feisty early on he was shouting over the moderators when they interrupted him, taking on the moderates like delaney and landing a blow against congressman tim ryan senator warren, its your turn your time is up on the medicare for all, the hospitals will savp on th substantial sums of money, because theyre not going to be spending a fortune doing billing and the other bureaucratic things they have to do today thy have second of all, maybe you did that and made money off of health care, but our job is to run a Nonprofit Health care system medical for all covers all Health Care Needs for Senior Citizens it will finally include dental care, hearing aids, and eye glasses. Second of ault you dont know that, bernie i do know i wrote the damn bill tim ryan better hope medicare for all passes because hes going to need some health care for that burn. Bernie scared him so bad ryan turned white as a sheet 40 years ago. He got hit so hard, his hat flew back on to his head. You know bernie was waiting to be challenged on a bill you wrote. Its like j. K. Raulings was on jeopardy and one of the categories was boy wizards but all the moderates wanted to shout at warren and bernie they debated whether a selfdescribed socialist and former Governor John Hickenlooper tried to mock bernies mannerisms. So again, if were going to force americans to make these radical changes, theyre not going to go along. Throw your hands up, but you all right i can do it seth i feel like thats the only time John Hickenlooper has said, throw your hands up. Dont challenge bernie to pull a bernie and youre going to do nh that thing with your finger okay, i will do it and point it right at you and then when the moderates kept challenging warren on her plans, claiming her ideas were impossible, she delivered what seemed like a thesis statement for her candidacy and for the night. You know, i dont understand why anybody goes through the trouble of running for president of the United States just to of the talk about what we really cant do and shouldnt fight for yeah, whats the point of running for president if all your positions are about stuff you cant do its like if mr. Reagan had said, mr. Gorbachev, make this wall a little shorter said, mr. Gorbachev, make this wall a little shorter. One of the flashpoints in this divide between the progressives and the moderates was the Climate Crisis the candidates disagreed over ambitious proposals like the green new deal, and ryan tried to take on bernie what do you do with an industry that knowingly paid billions in shortterm profits and is destroying this planet . I say that is criminal activity. That cannot be allowed congressman, your response . I would just said, i didnt say we couldnt get there until 2040, bernie you dont have to yell he does have to yell bernies been kicked out of every library in vermont hes like the bus from speed if he goes under 100 decemdecember i decemberables, his air will explode. It was like watching Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen take on the washington generals. At one point, john delaney was again called on to debate warren on her proposal to a wealth tax on assets over 50 million she managed to debate delaney just with her facial expressions. You know the last president to do that was Ronald Reagan we can do that in our first year ive called for that to be done and it be double the earned income tax credit. I called for the expansion of universal prek, so every american has prek. Seth its like when youre on the subway next to the crazy guy, you want to move without talking. Also, look at how she rubs her talking. Hands when the wealth tax comes up your estimated net worth is more than 65 million that would make you subject to senator warrens proposed wealth tax on the richest homes in the United States. Richest homes in United States. Seth i mean, she was like j. K. Rowling if the final jeopardy category was boy by sards. And then there was Mary Ann Williamson again who gave this answer on the flivent water crisis i was in denmark, south carolina, where theres talk about it being the next flint. We have an administration thats gutted the clean water act we have communities, particularly communities of color and disadvantaged communities all over this country who are suffering from environmental injustice. I assure you, what happened in flint would not happen where i live this is part of the dark underbelly of American Society seth wait, is that good . Is she like one of those people you have to listen to a couple of times is she jazz of times is she jazz . Lets hear some more you cant fight dog whistles, you have to override them. And you can only do that with new voices that come from the fact that america has been willing to live up to our own mistakes, i tone for our own mistakes, make amends, love each other, love our democracy, love future generations seth okay im going to put this out of my way. [ applause ] but there were a couple of things that were a little odd how this debate was conducted. For one thing, they kept on giving so much time to johndy l delaney. Congressman delaney, your response congressman delaney, im coming to you now. Seth hes polling within the margin of error. Hes not going to win. Its like going to maroon 5 concert and adam levine kept going, all right, time for another jump solo. It was also tim ryan, who for some reason, always seemed surprised when they tossed him a question i want to go to congressman ryan and turn to the subject of north korea i mean, my goodness, he looked like a long haul trucker desperately fighting to stay away 130 miles to tulsa maybe if i take off one shoe [ laughter e [ laughter ] ultimately, this was a deeply substantive debate that showcased genuine differences between the candidates on key policy questions no matter what you think of any them, one of them is going to go up against a guy whose slogan is basically i know nothing. [ cheers and applause seth well be right back with more late night, everybody. Well be right back with more late night, everybody. The whole production is on my surface laptop. Its very powerful, and just speeds up your whole day. It feels weird to be on this side of th [laughs] [ suspenseful music playing ] [ chanting ] are you ready . Im ready. On my three. Ok. [ screaming ] yet dont let it catch you whoa i cant feel the heat comfort and security for thethe little ones inside. Des possibly the inspiration behind hanes comfort flex fit with a breathable pouch. That. And probably this. yells hanes comfort flex fit. The game can be rough on skin. Rehydrate and strengthen your skin. To bounce back. And rebound strong. Dove men care sportcare rehydrates and strengthens skin. I mean, if you havent thought abfrankly, youre missing out. Uh. The mobile app makes it easy to manage your policy, even way out here. Your marshmallows. Get digital id cards, emergency roadside service, even file a. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa oops, that cheeky little thing got away from me. My bad. Geico. Its easy to manage your policy whenever, wherever. Can i trouble you for another marshmallow . Seth welcome back, everybody. You know, we dont always have enough time to cover everything in the recent news, so here with a recap is one of our writers, amber, and a thing we call amber says what . [ applause ] you guys, things have been crazy okay, first of all, the trailer for the movie version of cats came out and everyone was like, what but i hadnt seen it yet, so i was like, what i am sick of people hating on everything for fun im sure its fine i watched it, and it was like, i feel scared. Am i supposed to feel scared then i was like, what size are these cats are these ginormous cats are they tiny cats and also, what the hell is that . Then, Jennifer Hudson started singing, and i was like, what time yall want to see this movie with me . Because im telling you, im going [ applause ] then i heard that new york had some flooding, and i was like, what it cant be that bad then i turned on the news, and i saw this i was like, what you might as well hop on a surf board and beat the train then i watched a bunch of videos of flooding subway platforms i was like, what does this remind me of oh, yeah listen to the rivers then the Democratic Candidates went to a really cool festival for black women in new orleans essence magazine is a black lady magazine. A lot of the beauty tips are like, you know you look good so this year, all the Democratic Candidates went, and i was like, what Pete Buttigieg gets to go to Essence Festival before i do thats not fair. Pete buttigieg gets everything hes better have not got on the meet Mary Jane Blige oh, man. And then the New York Post ran a story with this headline saying that the lady was setting her hair on fire. And i was like what, no shes not. She was sealing the ends of her braids, you idiot. Its synthetic hair. This is information you can find out by talking to any black person shes not burning her hair the only thing black women burn is your momma. Because shes so dumb. Then another publication ran an article about a white lady who claimed she invented a new silk hair wrap. I was like, what white women have been wearing those since time began you didnt invent something that already exists how would you like it if i stole Something White ladies invented . Like calling the cops for no reason [ applause ] marvel announced five new movies and all us nerds were like, oh, what and everyone was talking about how diverse it was i was like, what and i googled it, and it was black widbiwidow gets her own movie. The wing of the valkeries was a black woman. And i let out the biggest what when i found out ali was going to be the new blade. I said what so loud, Wesley Snipes woke up and paid his taxes. I am going to that movie at midnight, and im going to embarrass us all ill see it right after i get out of cats. Now, when people heard about these new marvel movies, they were mad about the diverse recasting. But diverse recasting is the way this country is headed you see, in this unpredictable, chaotic mess we call life, one thing remains a constant, the old ways die and new ways rise up to replace them its simply the circle of life and it moves us forward its the circle, the circle o life [ applause ] seth thanks, everyone. Well be right back. The pink . Lets go mets go time daddy [ giggling ] ohhhh man. Took my hat off. [ to love somebody by bee gees playing ] thats crazy [ crowd cheering ] [ screaming ] lets go mets [ cheering ] cheers, applause we hide hotel names. So you can score 4 star hotels at 2 star prices. cheers, applause hotwire hotwire. Com chicken cackles only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. 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Check this out, 23 years after teaching our own fred the drums, he is sitting in him for tonight, jeff quay, everybody. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is an Award Winning comedienne and writer, wanda sykes has been nominated for two emmy awards. Please welcome back to the show, one of our favorites, wanda sykes, everyone. [ cheers and applause welcome back, wanda. Thanks for having me. Seth youve been here a lot. First time youre here for a live show. What would you normally be doing at this hour sleeping. Home watching you,set. Seth did you watch the debate tonight i did seth anything you liked or didnt like . At one point, i was like, did the russians hack this, too . [ laughter ] it was weird, right . Seth it was a little weird like a lot of them, i think, should probably go home and go, what walss i thinking i shouldnt be doing this. This is silly. Come on, man this is crazy. Seth i feel as though over the course of the night, like people should be allowed to just leave. If they feel like its not going particularly well. Yeah. Seth sorry, im going to go. Right, yeah seth congratulations on your special fantastic, two emmy nominations. Thank you [ applause ] seth absolutely. You talked about President Trump a fair amount in the special and a lot of people in this era, people like you and i have said it must be so easy writing jokes about him. I dont find that necessarily to be true. Do you find that to be true . No, i dont because there isnt anything that we can write thats funnier than the things he actually says i mean, i know nothing how can you cant seth yeah. And if we said it, its like, you just hate im i want you to know he said it, too. Exactly and also the audience is so polarized. Its like either they hate him or love him. So its kind of hard to get everybody seth i think you do a Great Service to your audience, because you right off the top let them know that they made a mistake. I let them know oh, youre going the hear something. And its you come to my show, and you think youre going to hear something oh, you messed up again. Seth you were just on vacation you went to france yes, with my wife it was hot seth europe is having crazy records. Yeah, yeah. We were in the south of france, you know, near like right on the mediterranean. It was it was nice. But with that heat, and this time my wife, they picked an apartment that was like way up on this hill so every time you go down to the beach, it was like over 100 steps to get back up to the apartment. So some days, i was like, i aint going to that beach. I can look at it from here it looks nice. You know, or you go to the beach, then you go back home and you like forget something at the beach. You just threw that away like im not going back for that like a towel or a kid. Im not going back seth your kids like the beach . They love it. Seth my two boys love the beach, i dont but you have to put up with them what do you do . You just sit on the beach and youre annoyed youre easter in the water or not. And if youre not in the water, youre just sitting there burning up seth if i had to sit anywhere, the last place i would pick is the sand people say go read a book. Why cant i read a book at home . In the air conditioning seth yeah. And a thing they built for sitting. You know, like a chair, a couch. And they say go swimming and you come out and the only thing thats worse than dry sand is wet sand. Yeah. Seth and my wife is like, sop bitching about this in front of the kids. Im like, kids, do you want to go inside and read books theyre like, no thats me i think there was some ice cream inside seth you are its kind of one of the interesting things about the category youre nominated in standup specials sort of end up with other variety specials, and you were nominated in the same category as beyonce this year. Yes, yes. [ applause ] me, beyonce, bruce stripringsten heard of them . I always get these crazy categories like one year, it was me, i was up against tony bennett. One year, i was up against the 50th anniversary of the rock n roll hall of fame. Like me against rock n roll. Seth do you work less on your acceptance speech when youre up against rock n roller tony bennett . You go, you know what im going to wing it if i win this one seth you were very nice, because i think this happens, people in show business are very they try to congratulate other people in their category and let them know were going to be friends no matter what. Even though you were in france, you posted a video to beyonce. Beyonce, i want to say congratulations on your emmy nomination i know you probably own one of these. [ laughter ] seth congratulations on both nominations. Thank you nor making the time and coming out here late at night. [ applause ] wanda sykes, everybody wanda sykes not normal on netflix. Well be right back with Jose Antonio Vargas at tmobile, for 40 line for four lines, its all included for the whole family, starting with unlimited data. Use as much as you want, when you want. And if you like netflix, its included on us. Plus no surprises on your bill. Taxes and fees are included. And now for a limited time, with each new line, get one of our latest smartphones included. Thats right, only 40 line for four lines and smartphones are included for the whole family. Everyone in your family mis only 10 bucks even your kids friend whos always around at 10 bucks a head, trevor can stay 3 for 10 bucks, baby, bucks, baby, bucks mmmhmm. Together we chilis, oh yeah baby yeah protect your pet with the 1 name in flea and tick protection. Frontline plus. Trusted by vets for nearly 20 years. With moderate to Severe Ulcerative Colitis or crohns, your plans can change in minutes. Your head wants to do one thing, but your gut says, not today. 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We got rid of the bread, and replaced it with two egg frittatas. For a protein packed start to your day. And that is somethin else. Kinda makes ya hungry dont it . And out of respect, we will let you make the first offer. Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes . Objection overruled. One hour. Sweeten the deal by doing the dishes and ill consider it. I wouldnt do it. I hate the dishes. One hour with the tablet, you walk the dog and do the dishes. If you insist. Congratulations. Only xfinity xfi lets you take control of your familys online time. Thats simple, easy, awesome. Xfinity xfi gives you the speed, coverage and control you need. Manage your wifi network from anywhere when you download the xfi app today. [ applause ] seth our next guess is a journalist and founder of the nonprofit define america and author of dear america, notes of an undocumented citizen. Please welcome to the show Jose Antonio Vargas [ cheers and applause seth welcome to the show thank you for having me seth i appreciate you making the time so you have been an undocumented person for 25 years. Yes seth when you wrote your book, why was it important for you to have citizen in the title . I won the pulitzer when i was a reporter for the Washington Post. Seth i feel like you were overlooked for the book. And im going to make a big point of it. Youve got to love america, though i can win a pulitzer but cant get a green card so theres no process for undocumented immigrants like me who have lived here 26 years next month to legalize our status and follow a process. Actually, i was watching the debate tonight i started thinking that coming on the show, i want to make an announcement i think after tonight, i am deciding to run for president of the United States of america seth all right, yeah why not . On behalf of all the undocumented immigrants in the country. Im totally kidding. The reality is, undocumented immigrants like me cant even vote for an election, much less participate in one seth you showed up when you were 12 years old and didnt realize until you were 16 that you lacked documentation is that it came here in 1997 only 13 states allow undocumented immigrants to drive. So i found out when i was 16 there was no google. Its not like i can google this. And isle filipino. And when the media said anything about illegal people, it was always about mexico. By the way, if you see an asian looking person with a spanish name, it means theyre filipino. So thankfully i was just out of high school, and my teacher said i asked too many annoying questions and should do this thing called journalism. So i found out your name is on a piece of paper so i thought if i cant be here because i dont have the right papers, what if my name is on the paper. If book has a library of congress number. I dont have a green card, but the book is documented, and im not. Seth thats all right. But what is that about . For me, now that immigration is the central top nick this election, theres an opportunity for us to educate people about what the issue is, and what really a lot of the politicians and people in the main stream media are not talking about. Seth when you read coverage about it, when you watch a debate like tonight, what are people getting wrong the number one thing is the fact that there is the number one question i get asked all the time is why cant you just get legal . As if all i have to do is flip a switch and poof, im an american stealing your welfare. Even tonight during the debate, when they talked about undocumented immigrants and health care, undocumented workers like me contribute billions and social security. I have paid so much taxes this past season, i should be a republican right . So we pay into the system that deports and detains us like so what is that about and the fact is, in the media, even now, even the Washington Post and the New York Times still refer to people like me as illegal. So challenges how news organizations and how Television Shows portray immigrants like me seth talk about define america, and when you started it and how you go about trying to get people to listen well, im only one story, right . Like, if i counted all the undocumented white people that i meet at starbucks seth thats where they would hang out and they tell me theyre undocumented usually we dont talk about undocumented white or black immigrants from africa or the caribbean. The fasting undocumented immigrants are coming from asia. We owe the mexican people an apology for having this issue about latin america. Theres like 56 million latin people in this country the majority have been here for decades. I dont know when california used to be part of mexico. To me our goal is how do we get people to get this issue out of this border mexican box. And for us, story telling is the way to do that if youre undocumented, if youre white, black, an engineer or a farmer, go to our website and tell us your story and help us get this issue out of this box. Seth im so glad youre doing that thank you for making the time. It is great to talk to anybody about this issue Jose Antonio Vargas, everybody well be right back. The game can be rough on skin. Rehydrate and strengthen your skin. To bounce back. And rebound strong. Dove men care sportcare rehydrates and strengthens skin. Comfort and security for thethe little ones inside. Des possibly the inspiration behind hanes comfort flex fit with a breathable pouch. That. And probably this. yells hanes comfort flex fit. Dont get mad. Get e trade, dawg. What sore muscles . What with advpounding head . Advil is. Relief thats fast. Strength that lasts. Youll ask. What pain . With advil. But one blows them allmany moisturizers. Out of the water. Hydro boost with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. Neutrogena® and try our hydrating makeup. No i, i cant feel the heat yet dont let it catch you i cant feel the heat [ alarm sound ] [ alarhello. D ] what is happening . What is all of this . Move everybody get out of here whyd they kidnap bunch of normal folk like us . Theres no escape. You have no idea what youre up against. [ screaming ] that leave therea lasting impression. Like the feeling of movement as a new journey begins, or the sight of soft fur, warmed by the morning sun. You might remember new flavours, or a view that defies all expectations. These are the memories that stay with you, long after the moments have passed. Tomorrow night, late night is live, with a special post debate edition and guest chris hayes. Head over to itunes to subscribe to the podcast g heres one you guys will like. Show mmakingt. Oh i got one. The best of amy poehler. Amy, maybe we could use the voice remote to search for something that youre not in. Show me parks and rec. From netflix to prime video to live tv, xfinity lets you find your favorites with the Emmy Awardwinning x1 voice remote. Show me the best of amy poehler, again. This time around. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Experience the entertainment you love on x1. Access netflix, prime video, youtube and more, all with the sound of your voice. Click, call or visit a store today. Seth my thanks to wanda sykes, Jose Antonio Vargas well see you tomorrow [ cheers and applause