Transcripts For KGO Jimmy 20240703

Jimmy im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us in our studio we have in hollywood, california. I appreciate it, but its too much, it really is. [ laughter ] it was a day off for the trump trial today. Which has been a lot of fun so far, i have to say. Don pornelones hush moneyhoney, Stormy Daniels, took the stand yesterday and caused quite a commotion. Stormy yesterday went into a bit more detail about their sexual encounter than the president and his legal team were hoping she would. Sadly, there are no cameras allowed in the courtroom, so weve had to rely on sketches and transcripts. At one point, while Stormy Daniels was recounting the story of spanking trump with a forbes magazine, judge merchan pulled one of his lawyers aside to issue a warning after trump appeared to mutter bull sword under his breath. The judge said he chose to speak to the lawyer privately so as not to embarrass trump, who is on trial for chubhumping a porn star [ laughter ] while his wife was home with their infant son. Im pretty sure the embarrassment cat is out of the golf bag already. [ laughter ] and while all this was happening, they were holding a primary election in indiana. Obviously, trump won on the republican side because hes the only republican running. But once again, a lot of votes were cast for nikki haley, who dropped out two months ago. Nikki haley disappeared at the beginning of march and she still took more than 20 of the vote. Which means either a large chunk of indiana voters are not planning to vote for trump, or mike pence voted 128,000 times. [ laughter ] [ applause ] trump used his day off from the trial today to focus on his pyramid scheme. [ laughter ] he hosted a vip dinner at maralago, for stuper fans who bought his nfts. [ laughter ] to get an invite you had to buy all 47 of trumps nfts at 99 bucks a pop. Id hate to have to be trumps assistant this morning. Sir, a reminder that tonight you have to eat with the freaks who paid 4,700 for pictures of you wearing tights and a cape. Some of these lemonheads paid 10,000 for the honor of having the former president fart on them in person. [ laughter ] but you cant argue about the fact that these nfts are aesthetically quite stunning. Just look at all the time and talent that went into this drawing of the leprechaun man with his pot of other peoples gold. Heres butch casserole. Pretending to be a cowboy. This one commemorates the moment don told don jr. That santa isnt real. [ laughter ] and not only did the suckers, i mean customers, get Digital Trading cards, those who spent the most got a piece of the suit he was wearing when he was arrested. As you can see, the value . Priceless. [ laughter ] until he gets arrested in four other suits. [ laughter ] and then we have melania doing her bebest to cash in too with signature mothers day jewelry. This is melanias love gratitude necklace. You can see it is in the form of a threeleaf clover, because when youre Donald Trumps wife, you dont believe in luck. [ laughter ] the back of the necklace features the former first ladys signature, which is alarmingly similar to her husbands. Hey both look like the printout from an ekg of someone having a heart attack. [ laughter ] and thats not the only trump family trinket for sale. This mothers day, celebrate mom with first america lady, a message she wants world to know. The Melania Trump eric is not my [ bleep ] son. Celebrate mother you love with thing melania most proud of. Not being erics mom. These exquisite necklaces make statements straight from melanias heart, like, i barely even know eric. Hes ivana,s not mine. And of course, eric who . Melania is proud mother of barron trump and barron trump alone. And nobody with face of sad possum. Order now and receive clump of hair melania found in seat, absolutely free. Tell mother you love her with Melania Trump eric is not my son jewelry collection. Thank you. Jimmy youre welcome, youre welcome. Insiders say melanias dream is to design a necklace so big she can use to it choke her husband, like Princess Leia and jabba the hutt. [ laughter ] you know, we spend a lot of time goofing on trump but its important to remember that we also have a thirdparty candidate whos out of his mind, robert f. Kennedy jr. This is a bombshell. According to a recently discovered deposition from his divorce proceedings, rfk claims a worm ate his brain. [ laughter ] or part of his brain. And while we dont know for sure what would cause this, dr. Sanjay gupta might. I can tell you as a neurosurgeon, this is a rare condition, but its typically something that is caused by eating undercooked pork. Jimmy that sounds right. [ laughter ] raw bacon. Worms in the brain, that explains the ivermectin, it is a dewormer. For a guy who seems to believe doctors are con artists trying to scam you into getting a vaccine, he sure did get to one fast when a worm started eating his brain. [ laughter ] the inside of his head is basically the movie dune. [ laughter ] but you should definitely vote for him, hes a kennedy. Junior, you know. [ laughter ] speaking of brain worms governor kristi noem continues to flounder helplessly. She shared a story in her book about shooting cricket, her 14monthold hunting dog, on purpose, and also shooting three horses and a pet goat. Needless to say this anecdote hasnt gone over so well with anyone, and her book is not doing it peaked at amazon yesterday at number 58, and today it has dropped out of the top 100 completely. This is funny, number 91 . This is real. Is the Childrens Book puppy birthday to you. [ laughter ] so score one for the canines. This whole experience has been a disaster for governor noem, but she would like us to read it and decide for ourselves. Heres an excerpt from the audiobook they released today. I will say, it does play differently when you hear it coming from her mouth. My hands were still shaking as i pulled into the parking lot. I could almost taste puppy blood. I jumped out of my americanbuilt japanese pickup and kicked the doors to petco wide open. Inside, i saw them. Puppies. White, tan, brown, even black. All tumbly and bouncy with their floppy ears and little wet noses. God, i hated them. I put my earbuds in so i could blast ave maria and mama went to work. I shouted, time to die, cutie pies. And when the dogs were dead, i started in on the other pets. Bam, bam byebye, parakeets. Sayonara, turtles. The only animal i left alive was a single trembling hamster named petey. I spared petey so he could tell the others what happened that day. I guess if i was a better politician, i wouldnt be telling this story right now. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i couldnt read more. The other hot topic on the angry news channels is the boy scouts. Have you heard about this . After 114 years, the boy scouts of america, in an attempt to be more inclusive, are changing their name to scouting america. And this has the rightwingers highly upset byebye boy scouts, emphasis on the boy. The boy scouts used to be this last bastion of the area where boys could really be boys and celebrate their boyness. You dont know what it means to be a boy or girl in america anymore. Men cant be men, women cant be women, boys cant be boys, girls cant be girls. Now theyre being educated in wokism. Go woke, go broke. Boy scouts of american have chosen to go woke, and theyre being broken. You have a wokeifieing institution trying to appease people who are unapieceable. No more genders, lets just all get together. Same outfits, same union formals, same caps, it will be great. Yeah, so theyre dead, the boy scouts are dead. [ laughter ] jimmy oh my gosh. Was it kristi noem again . [ laughter ] look, the problem with the bow scouts isnt that its not inclusive, its that their Business Plan is hey kids, you wanna put on a scarf and whittle . Guillermo we interrupt this monologue nobody cares about for a Guillermo Exclusivo live from hollywood with the latest breaking exclusivo is Guillermo Jimmy hold on a second. [ cheers and applause ] what are you doing, guillermo . Im in the middle of the show. Guillermo well, im in the middle of an exclusivo, dumbass Guillermo Exclusivo jimmy can you do me a favor and do this after the show . Guillermo jimmy, i think the audience, theyd rather see my show than your show. Jimmy i dont think thats true, guillermo, i dont really hey, whats going on over there . Guillermo, can you do this after the show, please . Guillermo jimmy, does your show have people popping wheelies on motorcycles . Jimmy no, i no. Guillermo does your show have crazy cars and people bounce around on poles . Jimmy no we dont have that. Guillermo does your show have Chris Hemsworth and ana taylorjoy in a motorcycle chariot . Jimmy no. No, we dont have that. We dont have Chris Hemsworth or ana taylorjoy in a chariot. Guillermo then its not a Guillermo Exclusivo [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i do understand that. Guillermo i would like to welcome my guests miss Anya Taylorjoy and mr. Chris hemsworth. Jimmy what are their names . [ laughter ] guillermo mr. Hemsworth and ana taylorjoy. Jimmy uhhuh . Guillermo an honor to have you here. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo its an honor to have you here. And not on Jimmy Kimmel Live. It is an honor to be here, not on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Yes, my sentiments exactly. Jimmy oh, come on, guys. Guillermo so your movie is called furiosa . What was it . What . Guillermo then it is time for furiosa mimosa yes. Whats a furiosa mimosa . Yes, what is a furiosa mimosa . Ooh thank you so much. Here you go, darling. Thank you. Thank you. Jimmy all right, thank you, guillermo. Thanks so much. Guillermo now whos ready to play, guess what im thinking of . What is guillermo thinking of . Jimmy no one. Guillermo think what im thinking of, okay . Okay. Guillermo guess what im thinking of, okay . What are you thinking . Im getting something. Its Fried Chicken. Guillermo yeah, Fried Chicken i was going to say Fried Chicken dammit. Jimmy heres some money, here, take some money. Money . Thank you. Jimmy wait a minute. Thats my wallet, guillermo, where did you get my wallet . Thats very kind of you. Guillermo you left it on your desk, dumbass. Well, thats all the time we have. I want to say thank you to ana taylorjoy and thank you to mr. Chris hemsworth. Jimmy what . Guillermo furiosa a mad max saga in theaters on may 24th. This was a Guillermo Exclusivo jimmy when he comes back in im going to make him pronounce those names 11 times in a row. [ laughter ] weve got a good show for you tonight. From Abbott Elementary Chris Perfetti is here. We have music from cage the elephant, and well be right back with david beckham. Strike hey ump you need your eyes checked yeah, things are getting fuzzy then go to americas best why . for a comprehensive, quality eye exam from a doctor . Yeah and it may cost less than your regular doc plus, americas best has one of the nations largest groups of optometrists sounds good it is ill go good call play ball not your line. Get 2 pairs and an eye exam for 79. 95 at americas best. Because eye care is healthcare and you deserve the best. Jason a man of science, hes married to the woman of his dreams. Coffee to go. Oh my gosh, youre my hero. Jason until, one night, he doesnt make it home. We need to show you the box. Leighton behind every door in there is a version of your life that you could have lived. What if the person that abducted me. Is me . Dark matter. On apple tv . [cars honking] im a guy who lost a bet. And my dignity. Get out of the way as if watching my team lose wasnt punishment enough. What are you looking at huh. Its a one speed. Hahaha. Hahaha. And if you have cut rate car insurance, odds are youll be paying for that yourself. So, get allstate and be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Hey, im walking here like me. Sure theres food at home, but is there a mcdouble with extra pickles, a side of fries and a hic at home . Dont be ridiculous. At tj maxx, you can afford to turn your closet into a place of endless expression. With the quality, styles, and prices you love. On your period, sudden gushes happen. Say goodbye gush fears thanks to always ultra thins. With rapiddry technology. That absorbs two times faster. Hellooo clean and comfortable. Always. Fear no gush. At university of maryland global campus, getting a bachelors degree doesnt have to mean starting from scratch. Here you can earn up to 90 undergraduate credits for relevant experience. What will your next success be . So dont just play. Stay at northern californias premier casino resort. Book your getaway now. At cachecreek. Com. Jimmy hi, welcome back. Tonight, a man you can see every wednesday night on Abbott Elementary, Chris Perfetti is with us. Then later a grammy awardwinning band. Their new album neon pill comes out the friday after next, cage the elephant from the don julio outdoor stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, chris pine and Bert Kreischer will join us with music from andra day. That will be tomorrow night. Oh oh my gosh. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you . Andra taylorjoy and Chris Hemsworth [ cheers and applause ] would you like to have a seat . We just need to use your bathroom. Jimmy whats that . We need a bathroom, guillermo doesnt have one. [ laughter ] jimmy he has a bathroom, hes got a bathroom back there. He told us that he didnt, and he kind of gave us a lot of the that thing. Jimmy all right, the bathroom, theres one right out here ive got a few friends as well need to use it. Jimmy yeah, you can go come on. Jimmy you have friends . Lets go. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, youre leaving . [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, wow. There you go. Thats most of the cast of furiosa. Are you done hijacking the show, mad maximo . Guillermo yeah, jimmy, that was crazy. Jimmy all right. Its a weird area we work in, isnt it . Guillermo yeah, very weird. Jimmy very weird, yes. Our first guest tonight is one of the most famous athletes in the world whos not only responsible for bringing messi to this country, he brought the spice girls back together too. His very entertaining Docuseries Beckham is on netflix now, please welcome david beckham. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is this the secret to your beauty . You put honey on your face . It is, it is. Jimmy this is your own honey . It is our own honey, yeah. Jimmy we could have used you earlier today. I dont know if you heard about this. Show this. We have a little video. We had a swarm of bees living under an umbrella outside. Did you know any of those guys . [ laughter ] unfortunately not. Jimmy those are not your guys . Ill have to take them back to london. Jimmy yes, sure, that would be great on the plane. [ laughter ] you owned, for people who dont follow what we call soccer, you call football, sometimes we meet in the middle you own the miami football club, youre one of the owners. [ cheers and applause ] how many owners are there . Mostly you . Theres three of us. Theres myself and then two brothers, jorge mas, jose mas jimmy is it more successful than you thought it was going to be . I always hoped it would be this successful. Obviously, bringing someone like leo helps. So obviously that was always the plan. But you never know. Jimmy like, are you aware of how popular he is . Like, i know in miami, obviously, a lot of people but my son, whos 7 years old, who has never watched one moment of football. He is he couldnt pick messi out of a lineup. Yet hes got the whole hes got all the apparel, the pink shirt, the cleats, the whole deal. Hes just like messi crazy. Even though i dont know. He just somehow it happened, i dont know what happened. Its just that effect that leo has on the game and the world, you know . One of the reasons why we wanted to bring him to america was to inspire the next generation. That was my plan. I obviously wanted to bring him for the player he is and the person he is, you know. Ive played against him numerous times. Actually, twice, thankfully. [ laughter ] thankfully. But ive been a fan of him and watched him for many years, and i always had the plan to bring, you know, the greatest player to ever play the game, in my opinion, to our team. And luckily, it happened. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is he, in your opinion yeah jimmy is he the greatest player ever to play the game . I think everyones got their own opinions. But for me personally jimmy yours have to mean more than others. [ laughter ] theres a lot of great players who have played the game over the years. But in my opinion, hes the perfect player. Jimmy how do you convince him to come out . Did you say, look how well everything worked out for me . [ laughter ] well, i could actually come at him and with him with, obviously, my experience of moving to america, coming to a league actually, at that time, it wasnt established like it is now. Jimmy right. There was only 13 teams in the league. Now theres almost 30. And its in a different position than what it was back then when i first came. But you know, hes always loved miami. He always loved the idea of the project of bringing the game even bigger in this country. When you bring someone like that to america, people notice. Jimmy yeah, well sure. We certainly notice when you showed up. Its been very special. Jimmy yeah. Your wife, most people, i would presume, know is victoria [ cheers and applause ] from the spice girls. I mentioned in your introduction she had a birthday party. You put this together . A big one, i did put it together. Jimmy i think we have a video of what happened at the birthday party. Right now thank you very much [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how long had it been since they sang together . Its actually been 12 years since they did the olympics in the uk. But 15 over 15 years since they actually were on the stage together. So obviously having them all there that night and i didnt expect them to all get up on stage, but i had a whole video planned where me and my kids recreated the video. Jimmy oh, really . My son, who plays the guitar and sings, had a song, and he sang mama. Then all of a sudden, all the girls got up. And i was like and im their biggest fan, you know . I tend to not tell my wife that. Jimmy uhhuh . I tend to tell her that i fancied her. But she was a spice girl. [ laughter ] so, you know. Jimmy yeah, sure. I love that about her. Jimmy yeah, sure. Im sure she loved the fact that you were on a team too, right . [ laughter ] yeah, yeah, yeah. So i was a fan. Jimmy i loved your documentary. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, it was so good. If you have not seen it, its like to be honest, i have almost zero interest in soccer. I mean, i really but i thought you guys, the two of you and your story, is incredible. And your chemistry. And just, like just how funny you guys are together was really delightful to watch. We got so caught up in it. Yeah, well you know, weve been together for 27 years in july. [ cheers and applause ] weve been married for 25. So its our 25th wedding anniversary in july. But with the documentary, you know, people wanted me to do it a long time ago. You know, when i retired, and i actually wasnt ready to kind of look back. I was ready to jump into Something Else on the business and with miami. But then made a plan about seven years out, and i said, okay. For my tenyear anniversary of my retirement, i want to do a documentary. That was really the plan. But then when we did it, you know, it was it just it was amazing. Jimmy some of the footage, really one of the your main cameramen is your dad. Because he shot so much video of you. Were going to show a little bit of that in a second. But what did when you saw it, when you watched the whole thing for the first time, how did it hit you . Well, i planned to watch it on the morning, one morning early, just myself, with a big screen and just, you know, to write notes. Because it was a really early edit. When i watched it that morning, i really didnt like it. I didnt enjoy watching it. So id planned to then let my wife watch it for the first time at the premiere. But obviously i then had to change that and get her to watch it that evening with me. And we literally, we sat in bed with an ipad and we watched two hours of rough edit. And like we got to the end, we looked at each other, we were so emotional. It was like like we laughed, we cried, we were tired because weve done so much in that 27 years, you know. And that and that really was the moment where i fell in love with the documentary. Because i knew that she loved it, and that meant more to me. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy did you learn one of the things that we learned in the documentary is that you are a neat freak to an extreme. [ laughter ] extreme, like a real extreme. Yeah, yeah, i know. Jimmy like, after youre in bed watching this, do you say, okay, now were going to make the bed. [ laughter ] yeah, im im a little bit ocd. Jimmy yeah, more than a little bit ocd. Are you looking around right now and wanting to clean stuff up here . A little bit. The carpet could have been vacuumed. [ laughter ] but in all honesty, you know that is what im like. Victoria always jokes. When we have our friends around for dinner or drinks, you know, i start turning lights off and cleaning the candles, you know. Jimmy you clean the candle wicks . I do, i do. Jimmy insanity. Its not just the wicks. Its the outside of the glass as well. [ laughter ] i know, i know. Jimmy its not just the wicks, folks. David beckham is here. [ cheers and applause ] his documentary is on netflix called beckham. Well be right back. Ugh. Nothing works on this acne. Hi who. . Im a licensed dermatology provider from curology. Oh. Answer a few questions, ill look at your skin, and prescribe you a personalized cream. Wow curology. Skincare with a face. [shaking] itchy pet . With chewy, save 20 on your first pharmacy order so you can put an end to the itch. Get flea and tick medication delivered right to your door. [panting] arthritis pain . We say not today. Tylenol 8 hour arthritis pain has two layers of relief. The first is fast, the second is longlasting. We give you your day back, so you can give it everything. Tylenol. Number one doctor recommended for arthritis pain. My dad used to make me do corner after corner after corner after corner and put it in the exact same spot as he wanted it. And if i didnt, hed kill me. He used to tell me, theres moments like corners at the end of the game that can create history. This is the moment. Beckham. A shot [ cheers and applause ] jimmy david beckham, his documentary is called beckham. Its on netflix. Boy, your dad for those who havent seen it, he taped every one of your games. And hes a little bit of a maniac, yes . I mean, i wouldnt call him a maniac. Jimmy i would, i would. [ laughter ] yeah, but he was quite obsessed with me becoming a footballer. So yeah, he taped everything. Kept every newspaper cutting, everything. My mom was the same. Mom was exactly the same. Jimmy mom seemed a little, at least in the documentary, she seemed a little a little like maybe she wanted your dad to ease up a little bit . Shes a protective mom. She took it out on a journalist once. She stayed in a hotel, and there was this one journalist that just kept on writing really not nice things about me, about my game. And she found out what room he was in. [ laughter ] so she put so she put every dinner, every drink on his room. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy good, good. Protective mom. Jimmy you went through a lot. I felt very sorry for you at parts of the documentary. People go, oh, hes a millionaire, hes married to one of the spice girls, hes just incredibly handsome. [ laughter ] we shouldnt feel sorry for him. But i did feel sorry for you. I think one of the reasons one of the things that came out in the documentary, to be honest, is in the u. S. , i think people obviously knew that i came to the galaxy. They knew my career. But what they didnt know was that, what that what happened throughout my career. I think that surprised a lot of people. And i also, you know even in the uk, through that time, it was difficult. And yaw saw it was difficult. But recently, we were in a pub in london. And i came out. And on the windscreen of my car was a note, no name on it, just, were so sorry for the way we treated you. [ applause ] jimmy thats nice. I liked that. Jimmy signed, everyone. Do you ever talk to travis kelce and say, hey, man, heres what you have to expect . [ laughter ] i think he can handle it. Jimmy you think he can handle it . Yeah, we know taylor can definitely handle it. Jimmy you one of the things your dad did was, he would give you i think we have a photograph. He would give you guinness and raw eggs to bulk you up. Yep. Jimmy how old are you here . I think im maybe 11. Jimmy you know, in the united states, he would be arrested for this. [ laughter ] yeah. Well, the reason behind that was, my hero as a kid was a player called brian robson. He used to play for the Manchester United team and also england. So he was my hero. And i read his book when i was a young kid. And he was really small and skinny when he was as a kid. And that he did, he drank guinness and raw eggs. And i got the idea. So i said to my dad, can i do it . And as you see, thats what happens when you drink guinness at 11. Jimmy would you get drunk . No. Id only have like half a glass. Jimmy okay. Then a few raw eggs. [ laughter ] jimmy i know, its so different thats one of the big differences between our countries is that does not fly here at all. I know, i know. Jimmy yeah. Did you see tom bradys roast the other night . I did. Jimmy you did. Would you ever do Something Like that . No. Jimmy no . [ laughter ] you wouldnt . No. Absolutely you know, i the whole concept is you know, its quite funny. It was very funny. But, you know, i know tom well. And i must admit, i did fire him a message just to check he was okay. [ laughter ] jimmy you did . Yeah. I was like, are you okay . Jimmy is he okay . Hes more than okay. But yeah, it was it was hard to watch. Jimmy so next year, we will not see you roasted . No. Jimmy no, okay. No, definitely not. Jimmy its great to see you. Thank you. Jimmy i highly recommend the documentary. Its called beckham. Its on netflix now. [ cheers and applause ] mr. David beckham, everybody. Well be back with Chris Perfetti lou tomorrow on Jimmy Kimmel Live the age to screen was now 45 . Rd [both] because i said cologuard® hey there where did he come from . Yup, with me you can screen at home. Just talk to your provider. [both] well screen with cologuard and do it my way. Cologuard is a oneofakind way to screen for colon cancer thats effective and noninvasive. Its for people 45 at average risk, not high risk. False positive and negative results may occur. Ask your provider for me, cologuard. mom the moment i loved our Subaru Outback most. False positive and negative results may occur. Was the moment they walked away from it. daughter mom mom oh, thank goodness. And thats why our family will only drive a subaru. vo subaru. More iihs top safety pick plus awards than any other brand. Love. Its what makes subaru, subaru. Welcome to the new petsmart treats rewards™ collect points with every purchase. And right now, earn 2,000 points when you spend 20 or more on dog or cat toys. Petsmart. Anything for pets. luke this will be a gold mine of local intel. Just you wait. marci right. So, tell us about this corn festival . stylist 1 oooh you got your corn pudding. You got your corn chowder. marci so. Is it safe around here . stylist 2 sometimes. luke if a family of eight were to need a cold plunge, where would they find it . stylist 1 . 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Learn about yours with clearblue menopause stage indicator that tracks your fsh hormone levels combining them with your cycle data. Whats your menopause stage . Imagine a future where plastic is not wasted. But instead remade over and over. Into the things that keep our food fresher, our families safer, and our planet cleaner. To help us get there, americas plastic makers are investing billions of dollars to create Innovative Products and new recycling technologies for sustainable change. Because when you push for smarter solutions, big things can happen. Can i have some mikes please . Was this guys day hard enough for a mikes hard lemonade, hank . I dont know, was it . stadium cheering hop to it, bunny boy hard days deserve a hard lemonade strike hey ump you need your eyes checked yeah, things are getting fuzzy then go to americas best why . for a comprehensive, quality eye exam from a doctor . Yeah and it may cost less than your regular doc plus, americas best has one of the nations largest groups of optometrists sounds good it is ill go good call play ball not your line. Get 2 pairs and an eye exam for 79. 95 at americas best. Because eye care is healthcare and you deserve the best. There are many ways to dress your mcdonalds hot, crispy fries. But which is best. . Is it with ketchup . Sweet n sour . Dare i say au naturale. . Jimmy hello there, welcome. Music from cage the elephant is on the way. Our next guest plays history teacher jacob hill on the big hit show Abbott Elementary. You can see it wednesdays at 9 00 here on abc. Please say hello to Chris Perfetti. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy last time you were here, you were super excited because Jennifer Lopez was the guest. Im super excited this time, i get to meet mr. Victoria beckham. [ laughter and applause ] i feel like youre building these shows around me. Jimmy i am. Its really catering to my jimmy who do you want next time . We can figure it out. Ill make a list, ill make sure you get it. Jimmy all right, for sure, maybe for Christmas Well do that, yeah. Are you done taping Abbott Elementary for the yes, we just wrapped season three of Abbott Elementary. [ cheers and applause ] hence the beard and the nails. Jimmy and you will go home now or that . Yes, yes. As soon as we wrap, almost immediately, i alter my physical appearance in some way and go back to brooklyn where theres loud italian people, people talking to themselves on the street, and theater, and thats where im at. Jimmy youre from a loud italian family . Im from a very nice, wellmannered, polite italian family [ laughter ] jimmy they have those . I havent met any. [ laughter ] yeah, mine is pretty loud and illmannered. Yours lives where . Were the perfettis, which means perfect in italian, we sort of lucked out. Jimmy were more the spaghettis than the perfettis. [ laughter ] is the family perfect . Who is the most perfect member of your family . Yes, they are all perfect. They do not contribute to my Mental Illness in any way. [ laughter ] they are you know, theyre incredible. Jimmy you i think the last time you were here, you were talking about your costar, lisa ann walter, whos very nice and a great cook. She makes meatballs. You said her meatballs i think you said they rivaled your grandmothers meatballs. Did grandma get word about that . Did i say that . Jimmy you did say that. Retraumatizing her now, i guess. Jimmy yes. Yes, they heard about that. They changed the garage code. [ laughter ] i can no longer get in. But im doing the work to make amends. No, she was very i think if they werent such a huge fan of lisas, they probably would have taken that as a threat. Jimmy yeah, bus that can be a big thing. It can be a weird thing. Even within a family. Like whose whatever, meatballs, sauce, whatever is best. Yeah, i think David Attenborough should make a planet earth series about it. Its that kind of competition. Jimmy thats actually an excellent idea. I know youre going home for a little bit of r r. You might want to get the cameras out and start rolling on the family. Done. Jimmy do they watch the show every week . Chime in on it . They do. They do. They remind me that its on. Jimmy oh, because yeah, youre like, i know what happened. I was there. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. No, i also just, like, find the experience of watching myself kind of mild to moderately torturous. [ laughter ] but they remind me of what happened that week. They pitch ideas. Jimmy who gives you ideas . I mean, its mostly mom. Jimmy oh, your mom. Its a protective thing, you know . You know, italian moms. You know, shes just looking out for me. But you know unfortunately, her ideas are not funny. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, theyre not . Are they not funny because theyre just not funny . Or are they not even funny ideas . They are not oh hi, mom [ laughter ] theyre just not right for our jimmy you should be honest and be open and just address your mother right to the camera. While i have you, mom [ laughter ] jimmy whats an idea . When i was 4, you no theyre not she has great ideas, actually. But you cant really do them on abc. And you cant really do them in our show. Jimmy what do you mean . Like what . Like more drama. You know, like more drama, which our show is not. Jimmy so she suggests she thinks that i should, obviously, be the in every scene. Jimmy right, okay. In the show, which im in just enough, im very happy. Jimmy then drama, are we talking about crimes here . What are we talking about . I dont know. I think its my fault, because ive sort of conditioned her to you know, before abbott, im typically cast as these kind of tragic, brooding characters. So ive made her come to a lot of plays where im, you know, screaming and crying and naked and, you know i think thats what shes used to, you know . Jimmy because when you were a baby, you were screaming and crying and naked. Right. Jimmy so its really just more of that. And then you know, its Teacher Appreciation week, are you aware of that . Im aware. [ cheers and applause ] happy, happy jimmy you play a teacher. I know from talking to many of your castmates that you hear from teachers a lot. I assume you do . Yeah. Its really great. Jimmy even your own teachers as a child . I have, i have heard from a few of them. Its its really wild. Its really gratifying. Jimmy do you have a particular memory of a teacher from when you were a kid in school . I mean, the one that really kind of changed the trajectory of my life was, i remember being handed a play and that really kind of set things into motion. I was a bad student. I had no business being in a school. And there were a few who were like, oh, i think he actually just needs this. So i remember that like it happened yesterday. And weirdly, i just remembered one of my teachers over the summer, speaking of schools out for summer, one of my teachers delivered a pizza to my house. And that is disturbing for many reasons. Jimmy oh, as a not as a gift . As a pizza delivery person . Yes, yes. Jimmy oh, no. As a job. Jimmy oh, no. Yes. Oh, yes. Jimmy oh, boy. Yeah. Jimmy what was that interaction like . I mean, i just remember i think i sort of froze. And it was any time you see somebody that youre used to seeing in one context jimmy its weird seeing a teacher in the wild as it is. Yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] yeah, its like i saw his car, i saw, like, his clothes, his notteacher clothes. [ laughter ] it was summer. You know, in summer youre really caught off guard. In summer youre like you know, youre wild. And so jimmy yeah. It was absolutely crazy. Jimmy youre naked, youre screaming, youre crying. [ laughter ] exactly. Jimmy did you ever speak about this with your teacher at school . No. Jimmy did you tip your teacher . And if so, how much . Uh i didnt. Jimmy you didnt. Im sure im sure somebody did. Jimmy yeah, i hope so. I really hope so, yeah. You cant hand the pizza delivery guy an apple, you wont get away with that. [ laughter ] i think i know this particular teacher didnt like me very much. Jimmy oh. I think i i i could have made out much worse. Jimmy uhhuh, yeah. I could have told the whole school about it. Jimmy yeah, mr. Pepperoni came to my house yeah, thats how i would have handled it. You did a much better, a more mature job. Thank you. Jimmy i think the moral for the story is that teachers need to be paid more. [ cheers and applause ] if they have to be delivering pizza in the summertime. Thats right. Without a doubt. Jimmy enjoy your vacation. Give my best to your family. Abbott elementary. See it wednesday nights, 9 00 on abc. Chris perfetti, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] well be back with cage the elephant lou the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Of renters find their places, and they all have a special place in my heart. Which is why i keep a picture of each and every one of them in my wallet. Ahh. Holy cats apartments. Com. The place to find a place. Youre really making all of this by hand. Oh yeah. The avocados are hand mashed, the chips are hand tossed. And everything is made fresh you make it fresh every day. Yes, every day. The chipotle way is we make it fresh every day. Sounds delicious. Choice hotels is a family of brands with a hotel for any traveler you want to be. Like 1 chef dad, cookin up a free, hot breakfast for the entire family at a comfort hotel. Mom made this. Umm. I. Added. The garnish. Book direct at choicehotels. Com. Lou the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Jimmy thanks to david beckham, Chris Perfetti, Chris Hemsworth and Anya Taylorjoy. Apologies to matt damon. We ran out of time for him. Nightline is next but first, you can get their new album neon pill on may 17th. Here with the World Premiere of their song rainbow, cage the elephant [ cheers and applause ] lets lay it out lay it all on the table straight from the top you called my hand and i felt labeled saw the one past whispers that i hated trapped inside a mirror changing shapes to shake those labels soft crush twin flame bright lights no shame Home Base Even when its painful you lift me up all in tight knit second skin wont quit satellite faithful floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow i need your touch your touch right now right round got me floating like a rainbow and so this world keeps turning round right round got me floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow floating like a rainbow you are more vibrant than a technicolor flower bloom worth more than any sunset that i ever even knew as far as east is to the west there is no flaw in you its you i want its you i want its you i want and only you you lift me up all in tight knit second skin wont quit satellite faithful floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow i need your touch your touch right now right round got me floating like a rainbow and so this world keeps turning round right round got me floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow floating like a rainbow the lights go out and im back inside that hallway shadow boxing shame and self inflicted mind games burning the candle from both ends has got me sideways am i afraid to lose or more afraid to lose my way you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow i need your touch your touch right now you lift me up when i get down you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow i need your touch your touch right now right round got me floating like a rainbow and so this world keeps turning round right round got me floating like a rainbow you lift me up when i get down right round got me floating like a rainbow floating like a rainbow floating like a rainbow [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, disturbing video. Sean diddy combs appearing to brutally attack his girlfriend in a Los Angeles Hotel in 2016. Videos dont lie. The shocking video