Transcripts For KGO Jimmy 20240703

Jimmy thank you, thank you. Thats very nice. Thank you. Welcome. Im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Dont think i dont appreciate it. Thank you for joining us in beautiful hollywood in spring. The dumpsters are in full bloom. [ cheers and applause ] and, you know, its a special day. April is behind us. Today is the first day of may. And once again, our nations newscasters were caught flatfooted. May 1st, can you believe it . Yeah, no. Crazy. I know. I really cant believe may is here, sherry. I cant believe its may already. I know. I cant believe its may 1st already. It is may 1st, a new month, can you believe it . I cant believe its already may. I cannot believe its already may. Kind of flabbergasted its already may. I couldnt believe it. Oh, my gosh. I cant believe its the first day of may. First day of may, can you believe it . May 1st, i cant believe it. Can you believe that its may 1st . Huhuh, no. Can you believe its may . I cant believe its may. Hard to believe its may. Hard to believe its already may. Hard to believe its already may. Hard to believe that it is already may. Hard to believe its already may. Yeah. Yes. May 1st. Is it right now, i feel like its one of those clips with jimmy kimmel, they take the sound bites, i cant believe its may 1st [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, congratulations, i think. I think my goal is to become synonymous with the passing of time. Every month people will think of me at the beginning. I want to say, we have a very sexy show for you tonight. [ cheers and applause ] a very sexy show. Jeff ross is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] oh, and ryan gosling is here too. [ cheers and applause ] oh, i expected the opposite reaction. Ryan is here promoting his new movie, the fall guy. Ryan is from canada [ cheers ] which is up there, that way, its above it. He is not part of this, or he would certainly win, but according to a new study of american accents, out of all the american accents, you know which one is the most attractive is the most attractive . The southern accent. A southern accent is number one. Number two is new york, which, if youve ever heard my aunt chippy speak, you know how seductive that can be. [ laughter ] jimmy, this is your aunt. I cant believe this [ bleep ] you made me watch. I cant believe this is the [ bleep ] that you wound up digging up to get me out of vegas to come here for . What the hell is wrong with you . Do you know what theyre doing here . I cant even let my grandchildren watch this. I wouldnt want anybodys grandchildren youre not even going to watch it. I cant believe what you made me watch today, you little [ bleep ]. You little [ bleep ]. I hate you. Goodbye. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats my godmother. My phone is full of those. Its why i never answer when she calls. I want the voicemails. [ laughter ] the third most attractive accent is california, which as far as i know does not exist, and then we have texas, boston, midwestern, miami, chicago, minnesota in ninth, and in last place, new orleans, and this is a poll that was commissioned by an online casino, so we know its legitimate. [ laughter ] this study is an important reminder that not all things need to be studied. [ laughter ] i do agree with number one, though. Theres nothing sexier than a southern accent. Mike johnson fully joined the disgusting Business Model of washington, d. C. To fund forever wars. Yeah, thats what this is. The uniparty is make ukraine great again. Jimmy oh, very clever. That is the klan mom, Marjorie Taylor greene, who is furious because her plan to oust yet another speaker of the house has been foiled. Because she hasnt been getting enough attention lately, the greene goblin declared war on her fellow republican mike johnson, who did the unthinkable and compromised with democrats and moderate republicans to get something done. Marj says next week, she will introduce a motion to vacate speaker johnson, but she wont get far, because democrats have promised to step across the aisle and vote to save johnson, for the good of the house. Now we have Hakeem Jeffries and the democrats coming out, embracing mike johnson with a warm hug and a big, wet, sloppy kiss. Jimmy oh, man, i would hate to be marjs kettle bells on a day like this. [ laughter ] wait till she finds out that Hakeem Jeffries has also agreed to be mikes new porn accountability partner. [ laughter ] people fed up with the drama on television and fed up with the fighting and fed up with the bull [ bleep ] from washington, d. C. Jimmy want you to go away forever . Are ready for a republican majority thats ready to support President Trump and his agenda in january of 2025. Jimmy oh, i thought it was going to be something different. This woman is in congress, by the way. This is not one of the random crazy people standing outside the house screaming. This crazy person came from inside the house. [ laughter ] what kind of behavior . Shes acting like such a child. Matt gaetz just asked her out on a date [ moans and laughter ] [ rim shot ] jimmy thank you. Most republicans, it would seem, have had enough of marjorie. But some, like Thomas Massie from kentucky, think shes just great. Well, its an honor to be here today with one of the hardestfighting, most articulate members of our republican conference. Jimmy wow. The activator in his jheri curl is really working hard. [ laughter ] take it from me, the wettest member of the republican conference. [ laughter ] the house is expected to vote on a motion to vacate next week, which would create yet another unnecessary mess. You know, the last time a congresswoman tried to take out a johnson, Lauren Boebert got thrown out of beetlejuice. [ laughter ] so, and then, over in the senate, we have ted cruz, who President Biden last week issued an executive order that would require airlines to give out refunds when they cancel a flight on you, and ted cruz, of course, is against that. Cruz is cosponsor of a bill that will make it harder for consumers to get refunds in the event of a lastminute delay or cancelation. Isnt that great . He somehow manages to be on the wrong side of literally every issue. [ laughter ] youve almost have to admire his consistency. Ted cruz, its like he saw all the diarrhea on the planes and is like, i want in on that. [ laughter ] sweaty teddy is also running a contest right now that offers his fans the opportunity of a lifetime. The kentucky derby, its a tradition like no other. Im inviting you to enter our cruz derby contest. Just visit tedcruz. Org derby to enter your pick to win the kentucky derby, and youll have a chance to win a professional photo of the winning horse signed by me. [ laughter ] jimmy wow. Im a little unclear. Is he signing the horse, or is he signing the picture of the horse . [ laughter ] maybe hes putting a hoof print on the horse . I dont know. Meanwhile, this is how Naptain America got his day started. [ laughter ] he posted this intriguing brain teaser. Wheres sleepy joe . Hes sleeping, thats where [ laughter ] a riddle for 3yearolds. Put that back up, i need to analyze this. Okat, so what he does is he poses a question. Wheres sleepy joe . And then we have to go through a process, like, what does he mean, wheres sleepy joe . We saw the president yesterday. Is he missing now . And why is he asking this . I thought it was hunter he was always wheresing for . Not joe. And why is a person who over the last three weeks has fallen asleep in public more times than a tree sloth calling anyone other than himself sleeppy . Its a simple question. Lets not get off track. Wheres sleepy joe . Thats the question. And the answer is . Hes sleeping, thats where its like a haiku. Its like an are you highku . [ laughter and applause ] and maybe the best part is put it up one more time. He posted this at 4 55 a. M. When everyone is sleeping. [ laughter ] even the guy who makes the doughnuts is sleeping. Its called projection. Hes embarrassed that hes the one who keeps falling asleep, so he projects it on others. I would say theyve tried a number of different devices to keep trump awake, partially in response or what appears to be in response to collective press corps observations. So, for example, when there are sidebars, an attorney doesnt leave his side anymore because leaving him alone means leaving him to potentially sleep. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, he hates that so much, he really does. In new york, there was no trial today, no Stormy Daniels trial. They take wednesdays off to air the place out. [ laughter ] which means trump was free to fart on voters in wisconsin and michigan today. Snoozin b. Anthony touched down in waukesha this afternoon, where, what do you think, in his first big rally since being fined for contempt of court, in the middle of a porn star hush money trial, what do you think he wanted to talk about first . Thats right. Fat jokes about Chris Christie. Remember Chris Christie . He really liked me quite a bit, right . Thats only because i was wise to him, and somebody screamed out, hes a fat pig. And i said, sir. And you know youre not allowed to use the fat word. If you use the fat word, youre essentially out of politics, right . Theres certain words you cant you can say obese, but you cant say fat. I think obese is probably worse. Jimmy i love when he brings back the old hits, you know . But go on. But a person shouted out, hes a fat pig, sir. And i said, sir, never, ever call Chris Christie a fat pig, ever. He is not a fat pig, please, ill have to ask you to leave the room. So anyway. Jimmy so anyway. [ laughter ] and then after trying so hard not to say the fat word, Orange Julius pivoted directly to food were honored to be joined by shanna gray, who owns a vagan stuff. Supposed to be really good. Im not into the vagan stuff. Were going to come and try that vagan food. I dont know if im going to like it. You get ready for me, maybe you can convince me with that vagan food. A good healthy vagan food. Jimmy thats right, shana, get ready for him to grab you by the vagginna. Vaggan food. Trump is unfamiliar with any food not offered on a meal deal menu. [ laughter ] and then, because things werent already weird enough, wisconsin got a visit from the pillow fairy. You have this bucket of common sense that is our real president , donald trump, right . As he gets attacked and attacked, people are pouring into this bucket, that once youre in that bucket of common sense, you have no reason to leave that bucket. Jimmy right. You should remain in the bucket indefinitely. Well come get you out of the bucket when its time. You know, trump has been complaining that he is stuck in court when he should be out campaigning. We came up with a solution for him. We figured out a way for him to be in two places at once. And its really quite incredible. We blew him up to life size, we put some wheels on him. And watch this real closely here. [ laughter ] we call it the maga blaster. Its great for live performances, rallies, or clearing brush, whatever you like. [ laughter ] this is a big deal. After five decades, the dea is planning to reclassify cannabis from a schedule 1 category, which includes heroin, bath salts, and lsd, to a lessserious schedule 3 category, which is like steroids and testosterone. Pot would still be illegal on a federal level, but its a big step forward, and its about time. In california, marijuana is considered to be a vegetable. [ laughter ] like our kids dont get dessert unless they have it. According to the associated press, the move wont take effect immediately. You have to wait about 40 minutes before you start to feel it. [ laughter ] but once it does take hold, it will be a huge boost to the cannabis industry. Finally, americans will be able to smoke pot recreationally. [ applause ] which, i know, yeah. Anyway it was big news. Weed lovers around the country were in even higher spirits than usual today. Theres patriotism being shared. People are proud of our country for a change. So we sent a crew down the block to our favorite hollywood smokehouse, mmd, to invite shoppers coming out of the store to celebrate by reciting the pledge of allegiance, and here we go. Johnny, let me hear you do the pledge of allegiance for us. Oh, man. Uh uh i aint going to lie. I pledge allegiance to the of the United States of america to the i forgot. I lost it. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of america. I pledge allegiance to the i dont remember, to be honest. I dont remember. I pledge allegiance to the United States of america for which it stands. And to the nah, i dont even remember, im going to be honest with you. Havent done it since middle school. [ laughter ] to which the republic for which i stand and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under something, la, la, la. One republic for which it stands, one nation under god, indivisible, with life, liberty, justice and the pursuit of happiness . For one nation under god for one nation under god thats it. Something, something for all. One nation under god invisible. [ laughter ] indivisible, and what is it, the last . And weed . Pledge allegiance to the United States of america and to the republic for which it stands, one nation for god with liberty and justice for all. Did i get it . Close enough. Oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. Weve got a fun show tonight. Jeff ross is here, and well be right back with ryan gosling, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] marci so, how long have you lived here . opponent over forty years. marci and how are the restaurants around here . Are they good, bad, meh . Whats the average Household Income . Is there a mall . I dont know. A hair salon . Where do you get your hair done . opponent you gonna move, or what . marci oh, im sorry. Its a lovely neighborhood. luke marci, weve gotta go. marci im coming luke weve got seventeen thousand more parks to visit. marci you wanna give me a hand . luke we bring you the best neighborhood info. vo ding dong homesdotcom. People who come to cricket, stay with cricket. Cricket gives me the coverage i need at a really fair price. Stop stop stop this came all the way from the top. New offer, 5g plans starting at 15 a month. Lets go smile, youre on cricket. I told myself i was ok with my moderate to severe Rheumatoid Arthritis symptoms. With my Psoriatic Arthritis symptoms. But just ok isnt ok. And i was done settling. If you still have symptoms after a tnf blocker like humira or enbrel, rinvoq is different and may help. Rinvoq is a oncedaily pill that can rapidly relieve joint pain, stiffness, and swelling in ra and psa. Relieve fatigue. And stop further joint damage. And in psa, can leave skin clear or almost clear. Rinvoq can lower your ability to fight infections, including tb. 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Lets go again whatever you need, from coverage to service, get more with geico. You know those mornings when it takes just a from little bit extrace, to get you out of bed . This might be it. Wake up to the goodness of jimmy dean. [ applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, you can see him taunting tom brady live on netflix this sunday night in the greatest roast of all time. The roastmaster general jeff ross is with us. [ cheers and applause ] by the way, not only do we have a topnotch show tonight, we have a good one tomorrow, too. John mulaney will be here, and well have music from gary clark jr. , and Stevie Wonder will be here playing for the first time. [ applause ] our first guest tonight is a man from canada who played ken and got nominated for an oscar for it. Next, he risks life and limb alongside emily blunt in the new romaction comedy the fall guy. It opens in theaters friday. Please say hello to ryan gosling. [ cheers and applause ] hey, roastmaster general jeff ross. Congrats on the movie, man. Thanks. Nice suit. I didnt know it was still easter. [ laughter ] its like a late summer peach. Can i borrow your lamp . Sure, man. Have a great show. Thanks. I would do anything for love i would do anything for love makeup, can i get some powder . How do i look . Do i look cool . Thanks. I would do anything for love but i just wont do that [ cheers and applause ] whats up, kimmel . Get him, get him, get him go, go finish him [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, thats [ cheers and applause ] yeah, give him some attention, will you . Ouch. You okay . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you beat up a lot of our staff. You really beat a lot of people up on the way in. I cant stop stunting, jimmy. Jimmy is that what it is . [ laughter ] oh, my god. I couldnt stop kenning, and now i cant stop stunting. [ laughter and cheers ] jimmy i understand. It makes you feel alive. Jimmy you know, Carol Burnett had the same entrance when she was here last week. Really . How about guillermo . A lot of people dont know we use to have a streetfighting business as a side hustle. I would set them up, he would knock them down. Jimmy have you been in a fight guillermo . Guillermo of course, ive been in a fight. Jimmy hes like a panda or koala bear. You think he looks so cute and gentle but hell tear an eyeball right out of your head. We ropeadope them. Jimmy how are you doing . Its great to see you. And, by the way thank you for having me. Jimmy just congratulations, because i know that for you, number one, the number one most important thing in your life is your career above family. [ laughter ] above the lord. You name it. Right yeah. Jimmy its number one. And man, oh, man sorry. Cant stop stunting, jimmy. Jimmy you were you should try it. Jimmy you have really gone you know what youve done is here youve made not only the movie not only is the movie itself wildly entertaining, youve made the leadup to the movie wildly entertaining. Its almost like we got even if you dont see the movie, which you should see the movie, we got something out of the whole deal. You did a fantastic job on saturday night live. [ cheers and applause ] and then and then you took kind of a breakout well, lets run the clip there. The breakout stars of your appearance on saturday night live showed up at your premiere last night. You surprised everyone. Well, thats dean and jeff. Jimmy right, yeah. You but thats you and mikey day. No, i look a lot like him, and he looks like beavis, its weird. Thats dean and jeff, theyre both from sacramento. [ laughter ] but they never met until jimmy yet another theyve become friends . What do they do for work, those guys . Oh, um, dean works at the chips ahoy factory. Jimmy really . Uhhuh. Not on the floor, he does sort of analytics. Jimmy okay. And jeff, he never gets on the floor. He never gets any cookies. Its a bummer. And jeff works for safelite. Jimmy oh, the Auto Glass Company . Yep, yep. Jimmy okay. Yeah, really good guys. Jimmy they seem like good guys. Did they go to the after party . Yeah, thats where i met them. Theyre having their moment. [ laughter ] jimmy the last time i saw you was at the oscars. You stole the show from me. [ cheers and applause ] you pulled off quite a heist. That was a great performance. You killed it. Can we talk about how good you were . [ cheers and applause ] that was a really fun jimmy it was fun. You know how i know you killed it, because i lost all night, and i felt like a winner still. [ laughter ] so somehow, you made that happen. Jimmy you should have felt like a winner. Putting that whole performance of yours together was quite a team effort, an endeavor that a lot of people were involved in. I know you were nervous about how it would come off, right . I wonder why. [ laughter ] jimmy it looked so effortless when we saw the final deal, but, like, one of the things that i remember when we were planning the show that was very important was that slash, the guitarist, was a part of this. We had to have slash. Jimmy you had to have slash. But slash was no hes an enigma. How can you have slash . You cant have slash. Theres mystery around slash. Jimmy you dont snap your fingers, and he appears. No. It was very intense. Jimmy it was intense. He had a gig in china right before. Jimmy right. And then one in thailand the night after. Jimmy right. And so it was like, were never going to slash is never going to be able to be here. Jimmy he wasnt at rehearsal. He wasnt at rehearsal. Jimmy he wasnt even at rehearsal the day of, right . Suddenly right before, as i was walking into dress rehearsal, i saw a guitar case, and it had a skull with a top mat on it, and i knew that slash had arrived. Jimmy you knew he had arrived, yeah. Then after the show, he was he was gone. Jimmy he was gone. He went right to the next gig. Yes. Jimmy what was your first movie . Was that the movie you did with Burt Reynolds . Yeah. Im surprised you dont know it, frankenstein and me. [ laughter ] jimmy frankenstein and me. Yes, previously mojave frankenstein. Jimmy Burt Reynolds was a stuntman who became an actor. Yeah. Jimmy kind of in this whole world, not that you did, but youre an actor that became a stuntman for a movie. Not really a stuntman. Youre not really a stuntman, you know that, right . No, but god, i love stunting is great. You ought to try did you see me doing stunts . Jimmy i did, i was watching. Did stunts all the way out here. Jimmy and Burt Reynolds, you were, what, like a kid in this movie . Yes. Jimmy how old were you . I was 13, 14. Jimmy did you get time with burt . Its complicated. [ laughter ] but i thought he took a shine to me. I thought he thought there was Something Special about me, and then i realized that i have a really beautiful mom. Jimmy oh. So your mom was on set with you . He was just kind of interested it was like i was getting, like, a secondary shine. [ laughter ] the real shine was for my mom, and i was like, oh, this is secondary shine. [ laughter ] jimmy how long did it take you to figure that out . I wish i had found out sooner. Jimmy did your mom was she flattered by that . Oh, my god, she loved it, are you kidding me . Jimmy man, if theyd gotten married nothing happened. Okay . [ laughter ] he just liked jimmy you could have been Ryan Reynolds had that worked out. [ laughter and applause ] this close. Jimmy did you talk to burt . Was he, like was he friendly . Did he give you yeah, but, you know, he was being friendly. He would sign stuff all the time. Like, he signed a mean machine tshirt. Jimmy oh, he did . Yes. He told us not to see deliverance, all the kids. Jimmy did he really . Which, of course, is the first thing we did. We should have listened to him. Jimmy yeah, for sure. Then he gave me this odd piece of advice. Let me tell you something, kid. Dont spend your whole life stepping over diamonds to live with a cubic zirconia. Jimmy and what does that mean . I was like, im 13. [ laughter ] i dont know what any of those things are. I dont know what any of that is. Jimmy but now that youre an adult stop looking at my mom. Im right here. Jimmy ryan gosling is here with us. The fall guy is his movie. Well be right back. [song playing here comes the hotstepper by ini kamoze] man ooh woman 1 haha woman 2 hmm hmm woman 3 ha ha ugh. Nothing works on this acne. Hi who. . Im a licensed dermatology provider from curology. Oh. Answer a few questions, ill look at your skin, and prescribe you a personalized cream. Wow curology. 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Mom what was that . Mom, go away nicotines a neurotoxin that can escalate teen mood swings go away mom, please. Mom listen, open this door. Boy no. Please open the door. How you feeling . Hes good. Were going to go again. Thumbs up, okay . Do you feel a bit flung into the deep end . Im wondering if youd like some background, some context . Lets go with it. Yes . Here we go. So two characters, one of thems an alien. Youre a space cowboy. They shared whats called a moon season. In real life you might call it a fling, brief but very intense and hopeful. I can hit the rock better now, thanks. Were going again and action thats a cut. You good . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we are back with ryan gosling. You should see his movie, the fall guy. It opens in theaters on friday exclusively in theaters. [ cheers and applause ] and you are a i was thinking about this watching the movie. Youre playing youre an actor playing a stuntman for an actor in a movie about an actor who has a stuntman, and thats some christopher nolanlevel inceptiony stuff. [ laughter ] and then on top of it, to make it even more confusing, your director, the real director of the movie yes, david leitch. Jimmy david leitch, who did a fantastic job, is a stuntman, was a stuntman. Youre always a stuntman if you were a stuntman. Who better to make a film about a stuntman and the Stunt Community . Jimmy 100 , for sure. Yeah. Jimmy you, and again, id like to remind you, you are not a stuntman. [ laughter ] i was doing some stunts earlier. Jimmy yeah, i know. [ laughter ] i was stunting pretty hard. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you do stunts, thats true. That wasnt a stuntman doing your stunts for you . You should try that was me doing those stunts. You should do some stunts too. Im just saying, it will change jimmy what kind of stunts do you think i can do . How many times have i walked out onto this chair . It was never that exciting. Jimmy that was the most exciting. Its always exciting but never that exciting. The stakes, it was life or death. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. You didnt know if i was going to get here or not. You feel alive, jimmy. Jimmy yeah. When was the last time you felt alive . Jimmy i cant even think of a time. Maybe when i was born was the last time. Stunts jimmy when they cut that umbilical cord. I happen to have some very realisticlooking labeless beer bottles here. Oh, this is great. Do you want to break one my head . Jimmy you can break it on my head, whatever you think. We can do it at the same time. Jimmy thats a good idea. How are we going to count it down, though . Is there any trick before i do this . Wait. Let me think. [ laughter ] jimmy i should be asking a stuntman. I think you want to do it on the back of the head. Jimmy are you wearing a cup . I might not do it on the head at all. Do it on the head. Jimmy all right. Ready . Both one, two, three. [ cheers and applause ] you feel alive jimmy i do feel alive. Come on jimmy im going to tell you something, not to be a baby, but it hurt a lot more than i thought it was going to. [ laughter ] my whole head is tingling. I feel like there might be blood if i really let me check. Jimmy no blood . Fix your hair. Jimmy okay, good, thank you, i appreciate that. No blood, youre good. But it is down the back of my pants. Jimmy are the stunt guys you were fighting theyre here, can we bring them out and say hi . Jimmy lets bring them out and say hi. [ cheers and applause ] they dont get any there they are. [ cheers and applause ] there they are. [ cheers and applause ] this is my real stunt team. [ laughter ] when you saw me get set on fire, that was ben jenkin. Anything i do anything cool, parkour, you get hit by a car, thats ben. Justin did the martial arts. Logan broke the world record for the most cannon rolls in a film ever. [ cheers and applause ] troy brown does the high fall at the end, and, you know, grizzly Guillermo Jimmy looks good. Looks real good. [ cheers and applause ] like, will you guys go out afterwards and throw each other through a saloon window or Something Like that, or how will this go . Is this it for you guys, or will you continue to hang . Lets go right now. Dont tempt them. Jimmy yeah, no, i wont tempt you. You guys did a great job in the movie, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy is that your regular hair, or does ryan make you wear it like that to match him . Its mandated. I have to. Jimmy its mandated, yeah, okay. Well done. The movie is called the fall guy. There they are, reallife fall guys, except for one. One of these things does not belong. [ cheers and applause ] the fall guy opens in theaters this friday. Ryan gosling, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, ryan. And the stunt team. 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He is the roastmaster general whose next victim is seventime super bowl champion tom brady. Watch the greatest roast of all time tom brady sunday night on netflix live. Please welcome jeff ross [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. You did a little stunt when you came out too, thats nice. Ryan got me all, like, amped up. I think im in love. Jimmy i know. Well, you know what, its going to be a very, very erotic weekend for you, because not only do you have ryan tonight, youve got tom brady on sunday. And he is dreamy. Jimmy oh, yes, he is. He is. He looks like a. I. Created a queer eye or something. [ laughter ] tom brady is so beautiful, he looks like a westworld robot escaped or something. Jimmy youre trying to im in full roast mode, jimmy, im so ready to go. Jimmy im excited for you. Thank you, man. Jimmy how long has it been since a big celebrity . Five years since we really did a roast. Jimmy what was the last big one . I guess it was alec baldwin. Jimmy oh. What happened to him . [ laughter ] wait a minute. Im thinking about it now. Lets go back through your roasts, okay . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy alec baldwin, all right. Well, you know that there was by the way, alec baldwin, rob lowe, donald trump, justin bieber, David Hasselhoff jimmy uhhuh, hugh hefner. Pam anderson, the one you hosted. Hugh hefner, who you hosted. Jimmy yeah and this is the part i love, the process. Trying out the jokes. Talking to my buddies about it. Jimmy i love talking about it. I love knowing what youre up to, and you go on last, right . Not in this case. Jimmy not in this case. We have some special surprises. Jimmy who are your fellow roasters . Can you say . I have a few giant surprises. But i will tell you that most of the patriots that he played with are going to be there. A lot of the bucs are going to be there. Drew bledsoes going to be there, who famously got injured so that tom could play. Jimmy yeah, yeah. Not willingly, i think, i think that was no, but it will be fun to see them reunite. Gronk is going to be there. Jimmy okay. Although he thinks hes going to the oscars. [ laughter ] he keeps asking me if he can introduce best supporting actor. Jimmy just tell him yes. Is he going to be roasting tom, gronk . Yes, he will be. Jimmy he will be. It will be great, right . Jimmy can he read . [ laughter ] no, no. Gronk, the patriots playbook, he had to use the audio version. [ laughter ] gronk cant even spell nfl, and Julian Edelman will be there. Jimmy oh, okay. And nikki glaser, one of my favorite comedians, is going to be there. Jimmy shes great. Shes so funny. Tony hinchcliffe, andrew schultz, and sam jay. Kevin hart is hosting the show. Jimmy hes hosting . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy tom segura . Tom and burt, its going to be really fun. Malala, hillary clinton, oprah. [ laughter ] ruthless. Jimmy wow, malala is going to be there. Malala is going in hard this time. This is going to be the greatest roast of all time. Jimmy its never been live before, right . I mean, this has not happened live the first live roast, its like sports. Jimmy i love that, because i remember quite vividly the editing process after these roasts. Yeah. Jimmy where people are like, oh, that one was too much. You have to take that out. This, that, whatever. Yeah. Jimmy there will be none of that . No. Jimmy its going on . And tom brady is, like, go for it, nothings off limits. Jimmy do you think hes like, sometimes people say, go for it, nothings off limits, and then you start talking, theyre like, oh, i made a very big mistake here. Well, he did ask us one thing. He asked us not to mention his prosthetic leg. [ laughter ] so that we wont do. Jimmy thats off limits . The thing i love about tom brady is hes a student of the roast. Jimmy he is. He told me it was his dream to get roasted. Jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy how did this come to be . Did you ask him to do this . I did. He i caught him the last super bowl he won about three years ago, on super bowl sunday i saw him looking at my instagram stories. I was posting roasty jokes about the super bowl. I happened to see tom brady, verified account, hes playing in the super bowl in three hours. I was, like, this is what this guys doing right before the super bowl . [ laughter ] and i clocked it. And then he won, and i wrote to him, and i said, man, i think youd be a great person to roast. We could invite Julian Edelman, he could explain the jokes to gronk. [ laughter ] and it could be, like, a really fun night. And he was like, lfg, lets go. And now here we are, on the big stage doing it live on netflix. Jimmy thats a true story . Thats how this happened . Its crazy, but and then, of course, he agreed to do it. He signed the contract. Then to get out of it, he unretired for a year or two. [ laughter ] and to his credit, he stuck with it, and hes brave, man. Jimmy wow. Thats great. Hey, you know what, i give him a lot of credit for doing this. Im not certain that he knows what hes getting into. Oh, he knows, and all the money goes to his tb12 foundation, which helps underprivileged athletes get the funds they need, which most of the money this year [ cheers and applause ] all the proceeds, all the money will go to the new york jets. [ laughter ] jimmy youre not a big football fan, right, in general . I have become a big football fan researching this. I played high school and junior high school. Jimmy i was going to mention that. And, yeah, there i am. Jimmy there it is. Jeff ross. How old are you in this . Probably about 13 there. 12, 13. Jimmy why does it say youre 50 . [ laughter ] i was a center. I was a punt center on the Jonathan Dayton Regional High School bulldogs. Like, this is even before that. This is like when i was a kid playing. Jimmy who is the Team Photographer . Ansel adams . Why does this look like this . [ laughter ] its yellow, because thats actually the cover of my bar mitzvah invitation. [ laughter ] so now here i am again, decades later working on seating charts, inviting everybody to the roast. What are the centerpieces going to look like . Its like im throwing tom this big roast mitzvah. [ laughter ] jimmy i think what i love, looking at this, and i realize, like, losing your hair was not a bad thing at all. [ laughter ] like didi conn from grease here. Wow. So, you didnt play in high school . I played in high school up until my senior year when i discovered food and chicks. I was like, i dont think i really need to and driving. Jimmy right, girls dont like Football Players at all. [ laughter ] i wasnt you know, i was good, you know and then we had, like, an allstate center. And i was like, i dont think im going to start, maybe ill do something else, sell weed or something. [ laughter ] jimmy make fun of the center. Make fun of the Football Players, but i am a fan. Tom brady, im impressed by his story. Jimmy yeah. And the fact that hes got thick skin. The show will show hes not just a great athlete, hes a great sport for doing this. Jimmy i wouldnt be surprised if he winds up winning another super bowl after this, i really wouldnt. Im not kidding. I feel like he could if he wanted. He might go back, and heres another prediction. I think he at his own roast might have the set of the night, because i watched him rehearse last night. Jimmy oh, he rehearsed . Not rehearsed but running some material. Jimmy uhhuh . And hes ruthless. Jimmy really . He wants to win his own roast. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, interesting. Thats very interesting. [ applause ] yeah. Jimmy youre also youre known for making fun of people and doing these roasts and stuff like that, but you have a oneman show called take a banana for a ride that is actually a beautiful show about your grandfather and your relationship with him. Thank you. Jimmy its very different, a very different side of jeffrey ross. As soon as the roast is over, ill go back out on tour doing this show about my family. Its really about resilience and some of the Life Experiences ive had with loss and bouncing back, and, yeah, its sort of like, i can dish it out, but i i can take it too and how you develop thick skin. Jimmy people can get tickets at roastmastergeneral. Com. Yes. Jimmy and then on sunday night, dont miss it, its like a heavyweight event. Live on netflix, the greatest roast of all time tom brady with jeffrey ross. Its going to be i cant wait. I really am excited to see it. [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. Thank you. Jimmy well be right back. Norman, bad news. I never graduated from med school. What . But the good news is. Xfinity mobile just got even better now, you can automatically connect to wifi speeds up to a gig on the go. Plus, buy one unlimited line and get one free for a year. I gotta get this deal. I know. Faster wifi and savings . I dont want to miss that. Thats amazing doc. Mobile savings are calling. Visit xfinitymobile. Com to learn more. Doc . Jimmy well, thanks to ryan gosling. Thanks to jeffrey ross. Watch him sunday night on netflix roasting tom brady. Apologies to matt damon. Will matt damon be at the matt damon has a cameo. Jimmy oh, god, you ruined the whole thing. [ laughter ] actually, i just got word, we had to bump his cameo. Jimmy oh, good, good. Nightline is next. Thanks for watching, good night. [ applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, olivia munn in the battle of her life. Her shocking cabs diagnosis. I had already had two mammograms, i had had ultrasounds. I had done genetic testing. What were the results of