[ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome, welcome. Hi, everyone. Very nice. Im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us. Please, relax. It was a very stormy day for everyones favorite former president today. [ laughter ] we are coming to you from our studio in hollywood, or exhibit f as it was entered into evidence during the donald trump hush money trial this afternoon. The prosecution today called their star witness, their porn star witness, Stormy Daniels took the stand this morning. For donald trump i could only imagine the nervous farting was off the charts. [ laughter ] it was quite a day in court. We got mentioned in court again today, which is exciting. [ cheers and applause ] prosecutors asked stormy about her interview on our show. In which we examined her signature on a letter trumps henchmen cooked up, denying that she and trump ever did it. Daniels said she signed her name in a different way as a tip off to jimmy kimmel. Who is me. [ laughter ] somehow i have become the kato kaelin of this trial. [ laughter ] they did not share a clip, but this was the exchange in question. Your original statement, the signature on the original statement does not match the signature on this statement, which i went through my library of photographs of you to compare it to head shots that you have signed. And these seem to match is original statement. Did you sign this letter that was released today . I dont know, did i . Jimmy she played me like a fiddle. [ laughter ] stormy testified for three hours and 44 minutes today. Her testimony got off to an awkward start. The bailiff swore her in on a rolledup forbes magazine. [ laughter ] when she raised her right hand, trump instinctively shouted, im a bad boy, mommy [ laughter ] the judge said stormy could testify about her sexual relationship with trump, but also said, we dont need to know the details. And see, now this is where i have to object. [ laughter ] yes, we do need to know the details, some of us are trying to host a show here, okay . [ laughter and applause ] and we did get some details. Very unnecessary details. Stormy said the encounter was brief, and that trump did not wear a condom. Which is not surprising. He also stared directly into an eclipse. [ laughter ] not exactly a safety first kinda guy. She said they had sex in the missionary position, and that trump told her she reminded him of his daughter. [ audience moaning ] seems like we should lock him up just for that, right . [ cheers and applause ] we also learned trump used to call stormy honeybunch. Which, interestingly, is also a term melania used at maralago. Honey, bunch of fbi agents are at door. [ laughter ] prosecutors promised the judge the testimony would not involve any descriptions of the former president s genitalia. For that you can go to our youtube channel, and type in trump mushroom penis Stormy Daniels. It has 18 million views. Youll love it. The live Court Updates today read like the old letters to penthouse forum. Stormy daniels says she came out of the bathroom and found that trump was in the bedroom, waiting for her, in his boxer shorts and a teeshirt. She had been planning to go. She said he was seated on the bed between her and the exit. Like a traffic cone with nipples or something. [ laughter ] and by the way, if you are having trouble imagining trump seducing a lady in his bedroom clothes. [ audience moaning ] just feast your eyes on this. No one puts the old in smoldering like donald trump. Stormy also recounted how she rummaged through trumps toiletry bag, where she found old spice deodorant, and a bottle of pert plus. [ laughter ] explains why his hair has so much bounce [ laughter ] its gentle enough to use every day another bit of scumbaggery trump participated in, he dangled the idea of putting stormy on the apprentice when he was wooing her. She said, what if i lose on the First Episode . And she says trump suggested he could tell her what the challenges would be ahead of time. The guy who complains everything is rigged, offered to rig his stupid show to get some action. [ laughter ] this was another fun detail. Trump watched stormys testimony on the courtroom monitor, rather than looking at her directly. Which is odd. Especially when he was looking at the monitor, he tried to fast forward to the second scenes. [ laughter ] and nothing happened. So after hearing the first half of stormys testimony, trump, he nearly allcapsed in his pants. [ laughter ] during the lunch break, he posted, the prosecution, which has no case, has gone too far, mistrial [ laughter ] trumps lawyers argued that stormys testimony was prejudicial because, how is the jury supposed to be fair now that theyve visualized him in the missionary position . [ laughter ] how are any of us supposed to move forward from that, really . [ applause ] this is not related to the sex, but you know how trump made a big deal of the judge not letting him go to barrons High School Graduation . Even though the judge never said anything about not letting him go and actually is letting him go . Well, youre definitely going to believe this. On the day barron is graduating in florida, trump is headlining an event in minnesota. I guess dads not going to make the postgraduation brunch. [ laughter ] sorry son, i have to go scream about windmills for two hours. [ laughter ] and then we have kristi noem, governor of south dakota and number one arch enemy of the paw patrol. [ laughter ] who was on trumps short list. Many believe trump no longer considers her to be a potential running mate, because she is a puppy shooter. But i dont know. Shes done a really good job of distracting us from the porn star stuff. He kind of owes her. Mike pence never did anything like that. [ laughter ] this story is nuts, and just keeps getting nuttier. Noem is now distancing herself from her own autobiography. [ laughter ] her book came out today, and by the way, its the perfect gift for anyone who loves traditional conservative values and is considering a career as a serial killer. [ laughter ] polit politico has a story about her first book in which she reportedly wanted to share her dogshooting saga in that one, but the publishers talked her out of it, they said it was a bad idea that could hurt her politically, and they were right. They were very, very right on that. [ applause ] so now, cruella dakota is on a media tour. Where right wing news crazies, like eric bolling of newsmax, are desperately trying to come up with any angle that might help get her out of this mess. Governor, ive also written a couple of books. I know how the process works. Write some chapters. You dont write the whole book at once. You write a chapter or two, send it to the editors, they edit. They read it, add, subtract. Heres my question. The editor war was she possibly a plant . [ laughter ] jimmy yes. The editor was a plant. [ laughter ] the editor was a philodendron. Good one eric kristi noem, not only did she include this story in the book, she read the dog story aloud for the audiobook [ audience moaning ] and well have that for you, but first, this. I know youre a mom. I know youre a follower of god. I know you can quote the bible. Meanwhile, because of the story, the leftist media has you out there killing fido. Jimmy no, no. We dont have you out there killing fido. You killed fido [ cheers and applause ] the other passage that is getting a lot of attention is a tale about governor noem meeting another gnome, north Korean Leader kim jongun. [ laughter ] in the story, she brags about telling him off. Well, turns out, she did not meet with kim jongun, it was a lie. And now, not only are they cutting it out of the book, hes doing some mary lou rettoncaliber verbal gymnastics to try to bs her way around it. Did you meet with kooimpl . Ive met many World Leaders. Ive been traveling for years and years, talking to world leader. Ive gone all across the world. Ive met with World Leaders. I have met with leaders around the world. Ive met with many World Leaders, many of them. Ive met with many, many World Leaders. Ive met with many, many World Leaders. Ive met many World Leaders around the world, ive been to the dmz. Im not going to talk about those personal meeks ive had with World Leaders. I dont have conversations about my conversations with World Leaders. I never talk about my personal meetings with World Leaders. Maybe you did have a conversation with kim, but you dont want to talk about it . I will not talk about my personal conversations with any World Leaders. Jimmy thats right, i will only write about it in my book. [ laughter ] then immediately retract it. Why did you remove it . Is it because its untrue . No, this is something im not going to talk about. Clearly if youre taking it out of the book, its because its untrue . Ive given you my answer, no, thats not the answer. You recorded the whole audiobook, you read this pessage at loud. Ive traveled for years. Ive been involved in policy for almost 30 years. Okay, but you didnt answer my question. When you recorded you posted pictures and video of yourself recording the audiobook. When you rodded your oun audiobook, you didnt notice im not going to talk about my meetings with world issues. Im not asking you to, im asking about recording your audiobook. Did you want to talk about Something Else today . Jimmy yes, lets get back to you killing your puppy in a gravel pit. My mother behind me yelling, my chickens, not my chickens, as she ran after me bouncing the baby under the arm. All three of us chased chicken around in circles, flailing after her as she grabbed one chicken at a time, crunching it to death with one bite, then dropping it after another. She was like a trained assassin. Jimmy right. Like a puppy john wick. [ laughter ] shes a real wick puppy what is she is. This is so crazy. And the truth is, kristi noem is getting a lot of heat for being antidog, shouldnt she get some credit for being so prochicken . [ laughter ] [ applause ] the book debuted at number 58 on amazon behind how to catch a mamasaurus. [ laughter ] maybe she should have released a Childrens Book instead young yeller for instance. [ audience moaning ] kristi noem was not invited to the annual met gala last night in new york. That event is exclusively for liberal elites. The met gala is the ultrafancy Costume Party thrown each year by the editor of vogue where everyone looks like something youd see in a commercial for miraclegro. [ laughter ] many very famous people were there including zendaya, j. Lo, dua lipa. The whole thing just looks like torture. You cant even walk. Thats how we put guillermo to bed on cinco de mayo. [ laughter and applause ] this is not fashion. Its a huge happening. You know every year, these fashion correspondents come up with some dumb word they repeat over and over again. Like rocking. Shes rocking this. Moment. Obsessed. This year, the hot new red carpet word, is giving. She is giving glamor, shes giving supermodel, she is giving movie star, she is big fashion right there, she is giving elegance, movie star, drama on the carpet. She is giving supermodel right now. This is giving mother of the bride. Shes giving silhouette, giving a beautiful body. Shes giving no nothing, just white. Giving me evil Disney Princess in the best way. Its giving like easter sunday. Its also giving queen of hearts, to me. Yes. Its kind of giving boy san ivy couture. Shes giving fashion, shes giving fun, shes giving major glam. Shes giving body. Ponytail, just gorgeous. Jimmy youre gug iving me a headache what is youre giving. [ applaupla[ applause ] really fighting the urge to throw up right now. [ laughter ] the theme of the met gala was sleeping beauties. Im surprised they didnt invite donald trump. Hes been sleeping in court for weeks down the block. And hes nothing if not a fashion trendsetter. This is the latest in maga wear, i dont know if youve seen diapers over dems. If you zoom in you can see shes wearing a sticker that says, real men wear diapers. [ laughter ] this seems to be an offshoot of a nickname trumps former lawyer Michael Cohen came up with, von schitzenpantz. [ laughter ] did you see this . I guess rather than fight it, theyve decided to embrace it. Which i dont think trump will like. I dont think he wants to be known as von schitzenpantz. [ laughter ] i dont know anybody who would want to be known enough enough of this schveinfoolery jimmy im sorry, who are you . Who am i . Who am i . I am Baron Gunther von schitzenpantz [ cheers and applause ] of the klagenfurt von schitzenpantzes [ in fauxgerman accent ] i come from a long line of von shitzen shitzenpants i vill not have, the von schitzenpantz family name dishhonered undt dishreshpected you vill sheesh and you vill deshist jimmy well, i mean, i was talking about donald trump. I didnt even know there was a von schitzenpantz family. Oh ho ho oh ho ho oh ho ho oh ho ho oh ho ho jimmy there is something you did not know that there was a vorn shitzenpants family. Oh zats ein gut one. Zats ein real chuckle, mr. Funnyhosen. Jimmy no, its true. I did not know there was what . The name von schitzenpantz is known around the vorld my grandfather, the great vorld var un general heinrich, big harry . Bohlshack von schitzenpantz, ring a bell . Jimmy nope. Not at all. Mein greatgreatgrandmozher vas hildegard fartnokker von schitzenpantz jimmy still doesnt ring a bell. Who later married kommisar kaamletoe of weinerschpanck . And built schools for all the little weinerschpanckers . [ laughter ] youve heard of this . Jimmy ive never heard any of them, no. What . [ in fauxgerman accent ] vell, vell, you need to brush up on your german hishtory. Jimmy i guess so, youre probably right. In ze meantime, i would appreciate it pish and posh keep the von shitzenpants name out of your farfegnugen mouth. Jimmy i apologize, i did not mean any good day jimmy i did not mean any disrespect. [ cheers and applause ] all right, yes. We have a you know what . Thats what we call giving 110 . [ cheers and applause ] we have a fun show tonight. Nikki glaser is here, weve got music from Sarah Mclachlan, and well be right back with josh brolin. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Tonight, a lady you saw destroy at the netflix roast of tom brady on sunday night. Her new special for hbo is called, nikki glaser someday youll die. Nikki glaser is with us. [ cheers and applause ] then later, celebrating the 30th anniversary of her great album, fumbling towards ecstasy with a tour starting may 23rd in vancouver Sarah Mclachlan from the don julio stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, well be joined by David Beckham and chris perfetti, with music from cage the elephant. So join us for that. Our first guest tonight is a movie star, tv star, and a mans man to the point where he has the word bro right in his name. [ laughter ] his supernatural western outer range returns for a season two may 16th on prime video. Please welcome josh brolin. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its very good to see you. I want to you to know something, josh. I am speaking from my own point of view. Both i and our segment producers, youre one of our favorite guests to have on the show. [ cheers and applause ] were excited to have you here. Because you never know whats going to happen. I might take off my clothes. I might not. [ laughter ] its nice to see an audience. Remember time i was here was five years ago. Jimmy why, what was going on five years ago . I dont remember. Half the universe. [ laughter ] jimmy i hear youre writing a memoir, is that true . I am. Jimmy you are . I did. Jimmy its gone done . I did, i did. From under the truck. Its humbling is what it is. When you write a memoir, everybody thinks, even people at your place that i talk to, who are you going to exploit . Is it going to be a legal situation . Jimmy yeah. Who are you going to call out . Your thing that you had with rupaul, you know. When you were in a blackout with kimmel that night, remember . Jimmy i just want to know if you admit to shooting any of your pets. [ laughter ] i mean, thats really, like oh, man. See, i forget that. Jimmy that yeah, no, you cant do that. No country and american gangster, i shot pets in both movies and they came out at the same time. Jimmy dont put that in the book. They came out of me. Aspca said, did you shoot pets . Its a movie, no jimmy you snapped your fingers and half the universe i know did that really happen . Jimmy you killed than snows, was it pets or just people who died . The memoir was good to write. A lot of revealing stories in it. And i call a lot of people out. Jimmy you do. Friends . Yeah, if theyre famous. So the book will sell. Jimmy enemies . What . Jimmy enemies . No, i dont have enemies. Jimmy uhhuh . Its just the people closest to you who you will destroy . [ laughter ] emily blunt, your friend. Jimmy oh, no. Half the books about her. Jimmy is that right . [ laughter ] oh, no. Yeah. John kaczynski is the other half. [ laughter ] jimmy its krasinski. Is it . Jimmy kaczynski was the unabomber. [ laughter ] youre thinking of a different guy. If youve accused john, emilys dad is a lawyer. If youve accused john of being the unabomber, youre in a lot of trouble. Its obviously not very well written. [ laughter ] jimmy i imagine you talk about your career and stuff. Your first movie was the goonies right . That was the first thing you did . That was the first. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy was that also your first job . That was my first job. When they had me put the shorts over the long sweats . I thought that was it. Because i come from a pretty cool place. When you do that, you think youre going to be written off. But i wasnt. Jimmy you thought that was going to be the thing . Yeah. Who puts shorts over sweats . [ laughter ] like, whose decision was that . I just showed up, what about this . And i was like, whatever you want, i guess. Jimmy was it your first actual job . It was. Jimmy had you had any jobs before that . I cooked. I cooked for i cooked in an Italian Restaurant between 12 years old and 15 years old. Jimmy that seems illegal, isnt it . [ laughter ] yes. Jimmy yeah, what did you cook . I dealt drugs before that. [ laughter ] jimmy you did . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy what is a 12yearold cooking . I got the job, it was like a friend of a friend who owned the restaurant. I got a job as, what do you call them, you give bread, you give a bus boy. Jimmy oh, i thought it was going to be something french. No, no, no. Bus boy, you give the bread, you dont give the bread in time, excuse me, excuse me i threw the bread at somebody and lost that job. Jimmy you got fired for throwing bread . I got fired within three days. They put me in the back in the kitchen. It was an open kitchen. It was an Italian Restaurant. We had an opera singer that would go from table it was a fun presentation. It was more presentational. The food sucked. Really bad. I made chicken. I became head pasta cook by the time i was 15. I thought thats what i wanted to do. Jimmy do you think the food was bad because they had a 12yearold making it . [ applause ] did that maybe have something to do with it . They did make a good dish, zabione was the dish that i made. Jimmy thats a dessert, right . Its like a custard debetter. Jimmy whats the key to it . The key is timing, heat, and the ability to do this. [ laughter ] which i was super good at, at 12. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy this was why they had 12 and 13yearolds working at the place. Yeah. Even though this is cramping, this is cramping, youre like youre gonna love this [ laughter ] jimmy were going to take a break. Josh brolin is here with us. His new season of outer range premieres on may 16th, prime video. Well be right back. My moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis held me back. Now with skyrizi, im all in with clearer skin. Things are getting clearer. i feel free. To bear my skin, yeah thats all me. Nothing is everything with skyrizi, 3 out of 4 people achieved 90 clearer skin at 4 months. And most people were clearer even at 5 years. Skyrizi is just 4 doses a year, after 2 starter doses. Seous allergic reactions. And an increased risk of infections. 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For taking me from him. His words, not mine. And here you stand delivering it. To save our family. To save my name. My familys name, royal your name . Your name . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is josh brolin . Outer range which is a scifi western. It is a show that its one of these things youve been involved in a lot of the these movies, shows, et cetera, where people are not just fans, but devoted to an extreme, correct . I dont know, ive done, luckily in the last 22 years or whatever, ive done a few movies that people recognize. Before that, it was nothing. Except for the goonies. Goonie yeah, i get it. Jimmy beyond recognize, theres a dough voegs. No, theres a devotion. You have no country. Sicario comes up a lot. Avengers comes up a lot. [ cheers and applause ] but recently, i went to, like i dont know, smpg. But the guy came out from the little hut. I was driving in. It was angrily, like it scared me. He goes, outer range, season two or what i was like, all right, man. People have been bringing it up. Its been a year and a half. Theres a fan base thats, i dont know, insane . Frenetic . [ laughter ] which is nice. You need to work, you know what i mean . Jimmy unless youre trying to get through a security checkpoint. Thats true. Jimmy youre directing this season, have you ever done that before . Ive directed shorts, ive directed theater, ive never directed like this, it was great. Jimmy you liked it . I really liked it. I felt like ive had all these random interests my whole life, i never really understood where they came from. Why would i want to jump out of a plane . I dont know why. The science interest, whatever it is. Direct was one of those things where it was all able to funnel into one place, and it all made sense. Jimmy your costars, when you are suddenly the director, you go from being one of them to being in charge which is uncomfortable. Jimmy is it uncomfortable . It is uncomfortable. Because youre having to remove yourself, and then youre telling people what to do, then they take it personally. You know what i mean . Also, like somebody said, do you say action, cut . I said, i tried, but fya came out a lot. Jimmy really . Yeah, i got excited. It was nice. I dont particularly like actors. [ laughter ] as an actor. As an actor, you know what i mean . Jimmy i guess, yeah. Its like all that before a scene, all that what are you doing . As a director im like, you look really good right now. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, so it gave you an appreciation. It gave you an appreciation for what they do, taking one step back, being able to appreciate from it a different perspective. As an ablt actor, i dont care for them that much. [ laughter ] jimmy you worked with a lot of great directors. Oliver stone, guillermo del toro, paul thomas anderson, gus vanzant. Did you reach out to any of them . Off have any of them taught you a lesson that you took with you to the set . Lack of pretense is a big thing, you know what i mean . You just dont bring your ego in. A lot of people do this compensatory thing where theyre yelling and all that. None of those guys ive worked with have any pretense whatsoever. Another thing is like i cant can i say the fword . No. Jimmy yes, you can. [ bleep ], [ bleep ] with your actors is a good thing. And i didnt realize that. So ethan did this one thing. I was doing no country. I was opening up the sachet and look at the money. I look at the dead guy next to me. I dont say anything. I asked joel and ethan, do you think i should Say Something . Like what . I dont know, huh, Something Like that. They go, do you have anything else . [ laughter ] and i go like hm. [ laughter ] and they go anything else . So i came up with four or five things. And they said, go with the second one. And i dont trust them at all. But i did it. 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With the quality, styles, and prices you love. If you are crispy juicy tender, and pickle bearing. Then you are the one and only mccrispy. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, there. Music from Sarah Mclachlan is on the way. This weekend, our next guest roasted the bejesus out of tom brady on netflix. Next weekend, she has a new comedy special on hbo and max, nikki glaser someday youll die premieres saturday. Please welcome nikki glaser. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy great to see you. Good to see you. Jimmy you were fantastic on sunday night. Thank you so much. Jimmy really did such a great job. You emailed me, and that meant so much to me, you reaching out. Jimmy my wife and i were watching. Man, your jokes are very precise. Thank you. Jimmy just so good, one after the other, you just killed it, you were really, really great. [ cheers and applause ] thanks, i worked really hard. Jimmy did you meet josh brolin backstage . I just saw him in passing. I actually had a moment with him earlier this week that he doesnt know about. People kept sending me this picture he had posted on instagram of him and his wife, and it looked identical to me. People were saying, congratulations on your relationship with josh role lin, seems to be going great. Ive never been kissed with that passion in my life. [ laughter ] this is the kind of couple where youre just like, i dont know if ill ever experience that kind of love. Im sure she was just saying goodbye as he went to the car to get the phone charger they left. Joop they invite Annie Leibovitz over before he goes to whole foods. Jimmy i hope that was Annie Leibovitz. Otherwise, we have to imagine josh going like this while theyre kissing. Oh, yeah, it does look like you. I needed this. Shes gorgeous, and i needed that. It was a nice thing to start with, because the rest of the roast, i got called some pretty awful things. Makes you question and your life and your looks. Jimmy does it, though . It does sink in. Youve done the roasts, does it sink in for you . Jimmy no. A little bit, i guess. I feel you get the dumbest jokes about you. Its all about your sex life. Yeah. Jimmy its like, all right, you know, its very seems very outdated, doesnt it . Yes, it does. And its nice because you go, theyre not coming after anything else. Im one of the only women on here. I was one of two women on the dais. Backstage, our room, literally everyones rooms of a their name on them, ours said female on it. I literally think it was just the bathroom. Women, yeah. It was an intimidating thing to walk into. Yeah, i went after i kind of fed into that, you know, throwing myself at tom brady during my set. Jimmy yeah, but i dont think you can help but throw yourself at tom brady. When tom brady was here, i was throwing myself at tom brady. [ laughter ] its insane to look at. Jimmy it is. Hes unreal. One of my jokes i was going to say, hes like a. I. But without the intelligence. Prt laugher and applause ] i do think hes smart, though, so i pulled it last minute. Jimmy what else didnt you say about tom . One of the moments, oh, we can go there. He went after he did a joke about kim kardashian. Jimmy yes. Which i thought was off limits. Shes here, she takes enough of being shes not on the stage. Then he had a joke about, you know, are you more scared about the jokes or the fact that your kids are with kanye right now . A great joke. And i was like, i didnt even know we could go there. Because i was like, im not going to do any jokes related to the like his kids. Jimmy yeah. Especially the kiss moment that i didnt think was weird. My dad kissed me on the lips when i was a kid, well into my 20s. Jimmy my dad still kisses me on the lips. He does . Jimmy yes. I put an end to mine because i bass like, i cant. Im like, things are getting wires are getting crossed and i cant do it anymore. He was very sad because its not a creepy thing at all. Hes like, we kiss in this family. Im like, i understand, but why dont you and mom ever do this, then . [ laughter ] its all on me. Do we really kiss in this family . [ applause ] jimmy dad and mom happen to be in the audience. He loved it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was a copout. Kiss like the brolins, come on. [ laughter and applause ] do it, come on, yeah they never do it. Jimmy im realize is this is not your dads fault. It seems to be your mom. Shes a little frigid, yes, yes. [ laughter ] jimmy you posted a video of your mom, i noted, on your instagram. Yes, at the after party. Jimmy this is the after party. I bet theres some kissing going on there, huh . Right . Now we see where i get it. I got first voted off dancing with the stars, and we see why. [ laughter ] jimmy mom and a little debarge there at the party. Did your parents meet any celebrities . Unfortunately, they did. [ laughter ] my mom tied one on a little bit were there she was having fun. We ran into tom brady on the way out. I was backstage, going to my dressing room after the show. And i said a quick hello. And theyre right behind me. And im thinking, they know the rules, just keep walking. Im barely im like, sorry i exist, tom. You know, and run past. Then i hear, im nikkis mom. Like, she was more he would be impressed by that. Hes like, i just learned your daughters name, im going to forget it before i get to the car, i dont care. Shes like, wasnt she great . He had to then go, yes, she was so my mom had a lot of those moments. Kevin, youve got it [ laughter ] i think youre going to be big i go, hes never going to be big. Ive never seen him before. All you watch is dr. Phil and below deck, kevin isnt on those things. She was having fun. There was a lot of those moments. Jimmy you have this big hbo special coming up this weekend. Yes. Jimmy great timing. [ cheers and applause ] totally coincidental. Jimmy did you plan that . Youre like, heres what im going to do, murder on the roast one weekend and then that will help me promote my special the next . No, it was totally coincidental. Its all feeding into itself. Its really like, if you want to see an exare extension see my roast myself, tune into the special. I turn it on myself in this. The same kind of fierceness, the wellwritten jokes, i hope. And honesty. Thats what its about. These roasts are all about whats the most true then i can say about this person . Thats kind of what the special is about. Its dark. I filmed it in seattle. I knew they would understand the thoughts of suicide that i sometimes have. [ laughter ] jimmy it is one of the yeah, per capita. They got it. Jimmy i think theyre just behind vegas in that respect, yeah. And dentists. [ laughter ] jimmy and dentists, a lot of the dentists in seattle. Is they why everyones teeth are so beautiful up there. You did it in seattle, and the title is . Someday youll die. Its just a reflection on how that is something that is a terrifying thought, like sometimes i just remember, like, i have to die someday. It can hit you. Like aww, dammit like when you remember you have to get your real i. D. At some point. Its like, oh, what that is going to be . I dont know how that works. And then sometimes, as a person that suffers depression, its a nice thought. It can be both to me. I suffer with depression and im always looking for new cures to turn to. And according to my friends without depression, its, make your bed every morning. [ laughter ] i have to give that one a whirl. Jimmy do you do that . No, because im still in it at 2 00 p. M. When im depressed. [ laughter ] its hard to make on it top of yourself. Jimmy it is hard for a comedian to make their bed in the morning or to do anything at all. Did you make it right before lunch . I dont make it at all, and i think that is something that would help my selfesteem. Jimmy i think so, too. Tidy up around myself, im kind of a mess, yeah. Jimmy i think it would be nice if your mom stopped by the house and made your bed. You know what, mom, theres something you can do. [ laughter ] i dont do it now, whos to do it . Jimmy in your spare time when youre not making out with dad. [ laughter ] all right, well, congratulations. What a big week. Thank you, jimmy. Jimmy the roast on sunday, nick i didnt glazer someday youll die premieres saturday night at 10 00 on hbo and max. Well be back with Sarah Mclachlan. Lou the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Heatin up the kitchen we got somethin different spreadin good vibes all day todos a la mesa que buena la mezcla it dont get no better livin in the golden state lovin this land everyday norte a sur lo puedes ver nada se puede comparar livin in the golden state vive en el estado dorado. Yeah lou the Jimmy Kimmel LiveConcert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Jimmy thanks to josh brolin and nikki glaser. Apologies to matt damon. We ran out of hyme time for him. Nightline is next, but first, her fumbling 30th Anniversary Tour starts may 23rd in vancouver. Here with the song possession, Sarah Mclachlan. Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide voices trapped in yearning memories trapped in time the night is my companion and solitude my guide would i spend forever here and not be satisfied and i would be the one to hold you down kiss you so hard ill take your breath away and after i wipe away the tears just close your eyes dear through this world i stumble so many times betrayed trying to find an honest word to find the truth enslaved oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes my body aches to breathe your breath your words keep me alive and i would be the one to hold you down kiss you so hard ill take your breath away and after i wipe away the tears just close your eyes into this night i wander its morning that i dread another day of knowing of the path i fear to tread oh into the sea of waking dreams i follow without pride its nothing stands between us here and i wont be denied and i would be the one to hold you down kiss you so hard ill take your breath away and after i wipe away the tears just close your eyes [ cheers and applause ] a this is nightline. Phil tonight, Energy Drink Danger . This is a charged drink from panera, a force