Transcripts For KGO Jimmy 20240703

[ cheers and applause ] jimmy hi, everybody, how are you doing . Okay. Okay. Welcome. Welcome. Very nice. Hi, everybody, welcome. Relax, please. Im jimmy, im the host. Thank you for watching. Thank you for joining us. It is on what was man, i have to say, what a bummer. Another difficult day for our former president. [ laughter ] a revealing day in the trial of al caporn. [ laughter ] whose popularity seems to be losing steam. He seems to be less popular each day, and he cannot deal with it. Donald trump may be full of gas, but his supporters appear to be running out. [ laughter ] trump has been encouraging his fans to rally outside the courthouse. And hes unhappy that they havent. The New York Times said, the circus trump wanted outside his trial hasnt arrived. [ laughter ] this was the scene outside the courthouse in new york this morning. [ laughter ] you can see while he was on, no one showed up. I dont know if theyre saving their energy for one of his next criminal trials . [ laughter ] and while you would think donald trump wouldnt be able to lie about the size of a crowd that wasnt there think again. [ laughter ] here you go. Thousands of people were turned away from the courthouse by steel sanctions and police, literally blocked from the door. It is an armed camp to keep people away. Maggot hager man of the failing New York Times falsely reported that i was disappointed with the crowds. No, im disappointed with maggot and her lack of writing skill. Its maggie, by the way. Hager man, by the way. She was the first one to report about trump sleeping in court. And the woman who conveniently forgot to mention that trump is drawing the biggest courthouse crowds for any criminally indicted president in history. [ applause ] thats just bias is all. All trump cares about is crowd size. One day hell be sitting in the electric chair bragging about all the people who showed up to watch him. [ laughter ] the day began with fireworks. There were several heated exchanges between trumps lawyers and the judge in the hearing about whether or not he definitely violated the judges gag order. Judge merchan told trumps lead attorney, todd blanche, that his arguments didnt make sense. That he presented nothing. And that he was losing all credibility with the court. To his credit, blanche fired back. He said, your honor, with all due respect, i lost all credibility when i agreed to represent donald trump [ laughter ] that is not an issue. Fortunately, trump didnt hear any of it. He was sound asleep. [ laughter ] rip van winkle dozes off so often, the courts going to need one of those nba sweatwiper kids to mop the drool puddles off his desk. [ laughter ] why trump hasnt already been punished for violating the gag order, i dont know. Im sure hes driving his lawyers nuts. 20 minutes after his lawyer told the judge President Trump is being very careful to comply with your order, trump very carefully posted this. Highly conflicted, to put it mildly. By the way, you cant put it mildly when youre using all caps. [ laughter ] its impossible. Judge juan merchan has taken away my constitutional right to free speech. Everybody is allowed to talk and lie about me, but i am not allowed to defend myself. This is a kangaroo court, and the judge should recuse himself he violated the gag order during a hearing about whether he violated the gag order [ laughter ] on his way out of the courthouse, groper cleveland stopped to tell reporters how uncomfortably cold it is in the room and how very unhappy he is to be there. Theyre keeping me in a courtroom thats freezing, by the way. In a courtroom, all day long, while hes out there painting its probably an advantage, because he cant campaign, nobody knows what hes doing. He cant put two sentences together. Jimmy well, you can. Youre about to put two prison sentences together. [ cheers and applause ] maybe possibly more. I love hearing him complain about how cold it is. Someone should knit him a little pair of admitens to wear into court. [ laughter ] the one and only witness today was trumps old pal and former publisher of the national enquirer, david pecker. Who looks like if the guy on the pringles can was now dating your mom. [ laughter ] pecker described what he called a mutually beneficial relationship with trump. Its weird. The only faithful relationship trumps ever been in was with the national enquirer. [ laughter ] think about how insane it is that our president had a mutually beneficial relationship with the national enquirer. There are only two people on the planet who can say that. Donald trump and bigfoot. [ laughter ] among other things, pecker testified that he paid 30,000 to a doorman at trump tower to kill a story that trump fathered an illegitimate child with a maid. Trump says it never happened. Also, it was triplets and the maid was cindy crawford. [ laughter ] but it never happened. Pecker testified that in 2015 he had a meeting with trump and his lawyer slash fixer, michael cohen. Where they agreed hed be their eyes and ears for any negative stories women might be trying to sell about trump, so they could pay the women off or get the stories killed. They would also publish positive stories about trump and negative stories about his opponents, many of them stories they made up. Like this one about dr. Ben carson before he bent the knee. Bungling surge ben left sponge in patients brain. [ laughter ] this one about ted cruz. Ted cruz shamed by porn star. [ laughter ] hillary framed trump family. [ laughter ] you understand donald trump calls the New York Times fake news, was admittedly generating fake news with his friend, david pecker. Everything he accuses anyone else of, is something he actually did. And yet these bootlickers on fox news, they cannot believe the injustice. I consider myself a proud person. After sitting in that dirty, disgusting, criminal courtroom today watching the former president of the United States being persecuted like a criminal, i dont know if im so proud to be an american anymore. The judge is ridiculous, the conflict of interest is ridiculous this whole case is ridiculous. These are the types of Election Year shenanigans that happen in other countries. In third world autocracies. Trumps not even allowed to complain about the thermostat. Its a meat locker in there. He gets mocked for just closing his eyes. My father was focused on running the United States of america. Not bookkeeping. This isnt lawfair, its torture. A totally corrupt judge and a totally corrupt District Attorney are going to try to put a former president of the United States in jail. I mean, this is literally like some of the civil rights workers in mississippi in the 1960s. [ audience moaning ] jimmy literally . Literally . Is it . There is literally no difference between donald trump and three men who were murdered by the klan . Can somebody please put a sock down Newt Gingrichs throat already . [ cheers and applause ] what are these people even saying . At least mitt romney is a republican who hasnt drunk the koolaid. But every once in a while, he likes to come crashing through the wall. Their own assessment of President Trumps character, and so far as i know, you dont pay someone 130,000 not to have sex with you. [ laughter ] jimmy oho, the mitts are off someone must have slipped a vitamin into his milk this morning or something. [ laughter ] trump did get some good news this morning. He is expected to get a stock bonus from his worthless Media Company for 1. 2 billion of other peoples money. Hes getting 1. 2 billion from truth social and still doing things like this. For all you great maga republicans, i love you, you know that. If you want to wear a signed hat from your alltime favorite president , me, what you do is sign up and youre going to get it. Here it is. Im going to sign it right in front of you. So this way you know theres no games being played like people play games. Constantly playing games. There it is. Just signed. Oh, thats a nice one, thats a 10. [ laughter ] have a good time, everybody. Jimmy thats right, we will. You go back to huffing that pen. [ laughter ] i actually noticed can we go back to the video . Zoom in. He has a tiny fake oscar on his shelf. [ laughter ] [ applause ] i dont know, for best performance with an adult video star . The man was president , he has a Plastic Academy award like you could buy next door at the souvenir shop. Maybe this explains why he gets so mad about the oscars, he wants one. [ laughter ] so sad. You know, one of the arguments trump has been making lately is that americans were better off four years ago than we are now. So for the sake of comparison, this is where we were exactly four years ago today. So, supposing we hit the body with a tremendous whether its ultraviolet or just very powerful light, and i think you said that hasnt been checked but youre going to test it. I said supposing you brought the light inside the body, which you can do, either through the skin or in some other way. And i think you said youre going to test that too. Sounds interesting. And then i see the disinfectant where it knocks it out in a minute, one minute. There is a way we can do Something Like that . By injection inside . Or almost a cleaning . Because you see it gets in the lungs, and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that. So youre going to have to use medical doctors. But it sounds it sounds interesting to me. [ laughter ] jimmy one more minute of that, she would have hung herself with her scarf. That was our president. Meanwhile, President Biden was in trumps home state of florida today. His advisers were worried about him going there, because a lot of times when an 81yearold goes to florida, they dont come back. [ laughter ] but biden believes he can win the state. Step one . Winning florida . Forgiving all their jetski loans. [ laughter ] biden was in tampa to talk about reproductive freedom. And to counter trumps new and very convenient position, claiming hes not so antiabortion after all. He described the Dobbs Decision as a miracle. Maybe its coming from that bible hes trying to sell. Whoa. I was going to buy one just to see what the hells in it. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy biden and romney are on a roll today. Speaking of books, you know what today is, guillermo . No, you dont know. Guillermo taco tuesday . Jimmy is that right, it is taco tuesday. Its also World Book Day today. [ cheers ] as the state of florida calls it, bonfire day. [ laughter ] on World Book Day, i would like to honor a true classic. This is a book that used to be in every home in the good old days. Im not talking about the bible, im talking about the phone book, the yellow pages. What other book can get you escrow and escorts on the same page . [ laughter ] naturally naughty. Not only does this have everything youd ever need on the inside, you could use them as door stops, step stools, booster seats, you could build a home out of them if you wanted to. Now this book is never on the New York Times bestseller list. It was never picked for oprahs book club. But it could kill any bug you dropped it on guaranteed. While the world may have forgotten you, phone book, i want you to know your yellowed yellow pages will always be in our hearts. Guille guillermo, would you mind . As we now say goodbye to the phone book. [ applause ] rest in power, old friend. Recycle that. All jokes aside, this World Book Day is a weird one. There are at least 100 bills in various red states, three of which have become law already, threatening librarians with prison for the crime of lending books. Books that arent governmentapproved. Which to me, not only is this the opposite what was our countrys supposed to be about, its completely nuts. Were going to throw librarians in jail for loaning out Huckleberry Finn . This is not what they signed up for. I think its disgusting and wrong and antiamerican. But dont take it from me, take it from these reallife librarians. Im a librarian. Im a librarian. Ive been a librarian for 26 years. Were librarians. Masters of the library sciences. Not groomers. Not sex finds. Not pornographers. Were the people who hand out library cards. We do storytimes. We put away the books you guys leave out on the tables instead of putting them on the reshelf cart. The clearly labeled reshelf cart. You can read that, right . Were not the deep state. Were not satanists. Were librarians. But some people want to make us criminals. Put us in jail. I would not do well in jail. Its not meth. Its judy bloom. Judy effing bloom. Judy effing bloom. Fine us thousands of dollars . Like we have thousands of dollars. Make books the enemy . Make knowledge the enemy . You know what we say to this . Shh shh shh shut the [ bleep ] up shut the [ bleep ] up. Please shut the [ bleep ] up. Whats wrong with you . Paid for by americans against americans against librarians. You can have to kill a mockingbird when you pry it from my cold, dead hands or you can check it out. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, librarians. Weve got a good show for you tonight. Gabriel iglesias is here. We have music from ernest. And well be right back with wanda sykes. So stick around [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. A funny man whom you can see on the dont worry be fluffy standup comedy tour, Gabriel Iglesias is with us. [ cheers and applause ] later on, a very accomplished songwriter with a new album of his own. Its called nashville, tennessee. Ernest from the don julio stage. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow night, we will be joined oh, tomorrow night, Carol Burnett and nicholas galitzeen with music from christian nodoll. Dont do the oh sound. If you say oooh, it makes the other guests feel bad. Here comes one. Our first guest tonight is an emmywinning writer, actor, and comedian who has been very amusingly annoyed for well over three decades. New episodes of her show the upshaws are on netflix now. Please welcome wanda sykes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy wanda, it is always a delight to see you. I dont want you i dont think dont be offended, i hope not. Its just that everyone loves Carol Burnett. I love Carol Burnett. Jimmy okay, good. Im starting to go, im out of here. Jimmy on a more positive note, are you enjoying the trump trial . I am enjoying the trump trial. I really am. You know, yeah. I know they say hes passing gas and everything in the courtroom. [ laughter ] i like that im watching it from home, you know . [ laughter ] i dont think i want to be in that room, you know . [ laughter ] but the thing is, hes old. So thats what happens when youre old. You fall asleep and you toot a little bit. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. I almost i mean, i do it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know, its funny. Because most people, you just go, all right, well, hes an older guy, hes sitting there. Yeah. Jimmy hes whatever. But this guy, you know that if joe biden did Something Like that oh my god. Jimmy hed have a blimp with joe biden farted on it all over the courtroom. They were theyd put a mic right by his butt. Jimmy youre right. They would mic his seat, all my god. Jimmy theyd have him blasting hail to the chief out of his yeah. Its all fair game. You cant make fun of him. The trump people get really upset. Jimmy right. Some of them, they come into any show. Again, im like, why are yall here . [ laughter ] dont you know me by now . Jimmy they get upset . They come to the show . Yeah, they come to the show, as soon as i say one thing about trump i hear rrrrr they actually make that noise. [ laughter ] they get up, hrmmhrmm what the hell are you doing here . [ laughter ] jimmy theyre not doing their research, thats for sure. I know. But its yeah, anyway. Jimmy do you feel like trump is finally starting to age, when you look at him . No, but we are. [ laughter ] i mean, he still looks the same. I think hes getting younger. I dont know. You know. I dont know if hes getting virgin blood transfusions or something. [ laughter ] jimmy theres something going on there for sure. I dont know but whew. Jimmy you like true crime . I love true crime. Jimmy you watch that channel, whats the name of that channel . Id channel. Jimmy its all just murders all the time . Its murder. I had to stop, though, be honest with you, i had to put a pause on it. Because it started to, like, bleed into my regular life. Jimmy in what way . I was doing things i wasnt proud of, you know. Like i was at dinner, right . And it was like a rainy night, and the i know the restaurant owner. We were sitting there chatting it up, a couple of friends. This older couple sitting in the corner. And i was like, do you know them . No, first time theyve been here. So then were leaving. You know, and i go and i get in my car, and im close to home, and i see this same elderly couple. And theyre walking through the neighborhood. And theyre going like this, going like this. I was like, oh, they cant find their car. And i said, i should stop and see if i can help them. Then i was like, but its awfully suspicious. [ laughter ] that they were just hanging around the restaurant, first time there, waiting on me. Theyre trying to set me up. [ laughter ] and if i help them, theyre going to hit me in the back of the head with a shovel, and im never heard of again. So i kept going. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy theyre probably still out there. I kept going. I still dont feel good about it. But i was like, i had that gut feeling, though. [ laughter ] jimmy got to trust your gut. Youve got to trust your gut. Jimmy thats what they say in those things, right . You had a big birthday last month. I did. Jimmy happy birthday, by the way. Do you mind saying . [ cheers and applause ] some people dont like you to know what their aging. Oh, i dont care. I heard. Jimmy some people in this room. I dont care. You know, im 60. But you know [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look fantastic. Why, thank you. You know, they say black dont crack. But its the infrastructure you got to worry about. [ laughter ] i got some leaky valves. Stuff needs to be replaced for sure. Jimmy we have something from when you were just a kid. I think this is from your high school yearbook. Oh, wow. Jimmy wanda y. Yolanda . Nope. Jimmy yvonne . Nope. Jimmy yardstick . Close. Jimmy what is it . Yvette. Jimmy i should have guessed that. Ask for my Social Security number next. Jimmy why does it say twinkles next to it . Thats my nickname. My family nickname. They named me trinkets. Jimmy twinkles sykes . Yeah, i dont know why i put that in the yearbook. Jimmy did the kids at school call you twinkles . No, it was just family members that called me twink committees. Jimmy is it possible your mom may have filled that out for you . Or did you fill it out . Who knows . Your motto is i can do all things through christ. Which seems like something your mom would have written in there also, right . That was me. My mom would have quoted the scripture. Jimmy is f. P. Favorite person . See how i try to rip off the bible. My motto, like i wrote that. Jimmy yeah, my motto. [ laughter ] i dont think you have to write your own motto, i think you can bor roe row a motto. Okay, you can, thank you. Jimmy all four years you were a drummer in the band . Yes. Jimmy played basketball. Uhhuh. Jimmy on the track team. What event did you do in track . Well, i started long distance. Jimmy uhhuh . It was so funny, because i started long distance. And i was, okay, come on, lets do this. And all my black friends went to the track and was doing sprints. And it was like eight white girls just took off running. And the coach said, go, go run with them. And i was like, what was that . Thats long distance. I started going after them, was running. We got to, like, the end of the parking lot of the school, and i was like, where the hell yall going . We should go back. They were like, no, we go down to the shopping center, then we swing back. I was like, youre actually running by my house, hell no. [ laughter ] i said, i take the bus to school, why am i going to run . [ applause ] so i became thats when i became the manager. [ laughter ] jimmy you became the manager . I became the manager. Jimmy you watched everyone run . I watched everybody run, yes. Jimmy as long as you do it through christ. [ laughter ] there you go. Jimmy wanda sykes is here. The upshaws is the show. Well be right back. Lou portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by intuit makers of turbotax, creditkarma, quickbooks, and mailchimp. Visit intuit. Com to learn more. 3 out of 4 people achieved 90 clearer skin at 4 months. And skyrizi is just 4 doses a year after 2 starter doses. Serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor if you have an infection or symptoms, had a vaccine, or plan to. Nothing on my skin means everything nothing is everything ask your dermatologist about skyrizi. Learn how abbvie could help you save. On your period, sudden gushes happen. Say goodbye gush fears thanks to always ultra thins. With rapiddry technology. That absorbs two times faster. Hellooo clean and comfortable. Always. Fear no gush. Welcome to the new petsmart treats rewards™. 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I always feel like under the surface, theres a genuinely crazy person that we havent quite uncovered everything yet. Would you agree with that . Hes that not crazy. Theres a lot under there. Jimmy yeah, maybe thats what i meant. A lot under there, yeah. Its just yeah. Hes deep. Hes funny, but hes, you know he has to figure out the situation first before he can fully see all of it. Jimmy hes got a lot of stories. Somebody he wouldnt show you, i guess. Jimmy dont you mine a lot of his personal stories for the show itself . Thats to me, thats when the show is at its best. When, you know, mike gives us a little you know, a little story, tells us something about his family or the kids or something. To me, taels the goal right there. Jimmy yeah, thats the stuff grounded, keep it grounded. Jimmy what is it about that, when you know something is true, that it works . Because its not manufactured. You dont you know, i think its you relate to it, right . Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Jimmy its also interesting that the audience gets that. Theres just something about like you think you could write this or that, say this or that. But then something thats really true to you as an extra resonance for some reason. Yeah. Jimmy i dont know why that is. I dont know either, jimmy. [ laughter ] jimmy i guess well never figure it out. I was hoping you would know. Well, i maybe because we we miss it. We miss truth. Jimmy yeah, maybe. Maybe thats it. Oh, that feels real, i havent felt that in a while. Jimmy that felt really good, i dont know why. Youre doing a standup comedy tour. Yes. Jimmy you havent been on a tour in quite a while, right . Long time. Jimmy how long has it been . Probably been at least over 15 years. Since ive done like a real tour. Jimmy 15 years . Because i always do sporadic dates. You know, two days over here, maybe go out every other month. But this is like a legit tour. Jimmy you have a show right across the street from us on may 2nd here. Yes, i do, the dolby. Jimmy the dolby, part of the netflix is a joke festival. Yes, yes. Jimmy are you aware that jon stewart has a show on the same night right up the block at the Hollywood Bowl . Did they tell you this . They never tell you stuff like that. [ laughter ] jimmy thats terrible planning. They never tell you things like that. Jimmy have you and jon considered merging your shows so youre not against one another on the same night in the same neighborhood . I would love to do that, you know . But yeah, i love jon. So i think are they at the same time . Really . Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] you know what ill call jon well, theres always a bomb threat. [ laughter and applause ] did i say that out loud . Jimmy yeah. I said that out loud . Dammit. Jimmy it came out, yeah. Dammit. 60 [ laughter ] jimmy you see, the true stuff really resonates. [ laughter ] then where do you go . So youre in reno after that . Yeah. Its l. A. , then reno, spokane, washington, then anchorage, alaska. Jimmy acreage, alaska, wow. Yeah, youre really going to im with the people. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, youre with the people. All right. Were going to make an announce many. First of all, the upshaws part five is on netflix. Yes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy and wanda sykes is on tour. You can get all her live dates at wandasykes. Com. And we just want a reminder, if you really, really like donald trump, you might not want to show, you might not want to come. [ laughter ] youre going to be there for a very short time. Wanda sykes, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, wanda. Well be back with Gabriel Iglesias. I wont let my moderate to Severe Plaque Psoriasis symptoms define me. Emerge as you. With tremfya®, most people saw 90 clearer skin at 4 months and the majority stayed clearer, at 5 years. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Tremfya® may increase your risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. 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Tide pods childguard packaging. holiday road holiday road wherever your summer takes you, twist the ride. With twizzlers. The twist you cant resist. Jimmy Gabriel Iglesias and ernest are coming up, but first, some important words about Financial Education from our financially uneducated friend, guillermo. Guillermo hey, its your boy, g money this tuna is fire. Its packed with flavor. No cap. Until next time, bro. Disgusting. What are you doing . Guillermo im reviewing tuna fish on tiktok toe. Ok fam, its tuna time. Whats going on here . Hes a fishfluencer. People watch him eat tuna. Im blowing up. I made 40 million this year. Thats a lot. How are you like managing all that money . Guillermo thats the best part. Im not. You should. Even i know that, and im a child. We learn about it in school with intuit for education. It teaches you to be as a matter of fact with your money. So you dont go broke buying exotic pets. Guillermo hey, his name is felipe. Wait, so i can take control of my own finances . Thats the great news. I think we should do a toast. Here. To tuna and intuit. Lou looking for more financial knowledge . Check out intuit for educations free resources at intuit. Com education. Guillermo do you like it . No. No. Guillermo do you hear that, felipe . More for you. No two bodies are the same. Some pads, never got that message. But, always flexfoam did it protects against different flows for up to zero leaks. And it flexes to fit all bodies, for up to zero feel. Feel it yourself with always flexfoam. I have active psoriatic arthritis. But with skyrizi to treat my skin and joints, count me in. Along with clearer skin, skyrizi helps me move with less joint pain, stiffness, swelling, and fatigue. And is just 4 doses a year, after 2 starter doses. Serious allergic reactions and an increased risk of infections or a lower ability to fight them may occur. 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[ laughter ] our next guest is a wildly successful standup comic whom you can see live on the dont worry, be fluffy tour. Please say hello to Gabriel Iglesias. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy well, that is a beautiful did you go to tj maxx today . What happened . [ laughter ] hey, its something i had in the closet. How are you, man . Jimmy im good. Would you really vote for guillermo for president if he was running . You know what . Uh si guillermo si. Thats right. Jimmy you usually wear hawaiian shirts. This is a depart doctor 4 you. Its been 27 years, youve got to change it up sometimes. Not saying ive used the same shirt for 27 years. [ laughter ] i found a guy who does an incredible job, and i wanted to do Something Special for the show. Jimmy its beautiful, thank you. I hope you like it. Guillermo . Guillermo i like it, very good, good job, muy bueno. Carry to popular belief, not all mexicans know each other. [ laughter ] they seem so friendly with one another. [ speaking spanish ] all right, just making sure. Jimmy how many hawaiian shirts do you own . At one point i had over 500. Jimmy oh, wow. Yeah. In all sizes. Because my career has fluctuated. [ laughter ] jimmy has it . Yeah. And at any point do you go, oh, this is my trademark, im known for wearing these, but i dont want to wear them anymore . I think after so many years, people already know its me. I made it a point to always wear shorts, now im wearing pants. Yeah, the hawaiian shirt thing, from time to time ill still wear them. But if i have a chance to wear something personalized and custom like this ill go for this all day . Why did you stars wearing pants . Last time i did a talk show, i was wearing shorts. I tried to cross my legs and i had a card robe malfunction. [ laughter ] aparentally people saw a little pikachu. [ laughter ] let me play it safe, the cameras are straight ahead. Jimmy time to grow up. My sharon stone moment here. Lets keep the dignity. Jimmy you do a lot of tour dates, right . Yes. Jimmy you or the road all the time. Anywhere, everywhere. Jimmy do you go straight through when youre on tour . Do you take breaks in the middle . How do you do it . Ive been on tour i havent stopped, basically, with the exception of covid. Every now and then i get a little bit of a break. I actually went to disneyland a couple of ago. I had some family in town. They hadnt been in over 40 years. I took my sister, my brotherinlaw. Jimmy nice. We had a good old time at disneyland. Until the ride broke. Jimmy which one . We were on cars. And it was going great. Until the car all of a sudden came to a complete stop in the middle of the ride. And my sister and my brotherinlaw were like, is this part of the experience . Im like, no, were supposed to finish. [ laughter ] yeah, we were stuck for about 20 minutes. Jimmy you were . Yeah, disney sent their people to come out jimmy cant you just get out of those cars . Youd think but the seat belts you can click, click, now youre roaming around the set. Jimmy its like being on the 405 in a way, youre just stuck there. [ laughter ] yeah, so i mean, it was okay. Im fine. It was out in the sun. My brotherinlaw, hes from minnesota. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He got cooked. He was in that sun for 20 minutes, and oh did he know. Jimmy 20 minutes did him in. Hes got that nordic blood. Didnt hold up very well. Hes pure, hes pure. Jimmy you grew up in southern california, where in san diego you grew up . I was born in san diego, i grew up in long beach. I actually which is nice. This is a short drive for me. Usually ive got to fly. Jimmy and you like it here . Is this someplace that you plan to live for your whole life, los angeles . Its been home forever. But recently i had a situation where they broke into my house. Jimmy who did . Well, i dont know. [ laughter ] but its california. Even if we know, it doesnt mean anything. [ laughter ] jimmy were they sorry, that was a good point, right . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah. Were they wearing hawaiian shirts when they left . [ laughter ] no, im sorry to hear that. Did they take any of your good stuff . They well, they broke in i dont think they realized whose house it was. They hit four houses that day. When they broke in, they made a mess, of course. They went through all the drawers, cupboards, pulled picture frames off the walls. I asked the detective, why did they pull picture frames off the wall but not take the frame . They were looking for a safe. I just got this money. I said did they check the mattress . [ laughter ] he goes, i dont know. We went in the room, i lifted up the mattress, i was like, oh, stupid, right . [ laughter ] jimmy very traditional. They had no idea they were robbing somebody more ghetto than them, you know what i mean . [ laughter ] perfect, man. Perfect. Jimmy you did something no comic had ever done, you sold out dodger stadium. [ cheers and applause ] something elton john does or the Rolling Stones have sold out dodger stadium. As a comedian, especially a comedian from this area, when Something Like that happens, does it make you think back on your Humble Beginnings as a standup comic . Absolutely. I felt like that night, it wasnt me that sold it out, i felt we had sold it out. So many people have been following my career all these years. That night, it didnt feel like it was my show, it felt like it was a celebration. Everybody there was excited and happy to see this hometown kid sell out dodger stadium. And im hike, i could have died the next day. [ cheers and applause ] man, it was such a great moment. Jimmy what was the worst standup comedy experience you had . Im assuming that may have been the best . Dodger stadium was definitely the best. And as far as the worst, in the early days, i did shows off the backs of pickup trucks and the worst one was inside of an empty swimming pool. [ laughter ] yeah, i know. It was like that movie where Jean Claude Van damme is fighting, i was only fighting my demons. Jimmy the bottom of a pool . Here was the logic behind it. At the time, i didnt know what a good gig was or a bad gig was, i was happy to be in front of people doing standup. The guy tells me, listen, bro, if you stand at the bottom of the pool, cutics will carry up. I guess he was an acute ticks dude who couldnt fill a pool. Well stand out on the edge and hear you good. Believe it or not, the people laughed. It was a good show after we got out of the whole me trying to get out of the empty swimming pool. [ laughter ] when you start off like that, you end up at dodger stadium, 20 some odd years later, thats an incredible feeling. You know what its like to struggle and fight and claw your way out of a pool. [ laughter ] and now have the success of being in front of the entire city. Yep [ cheers and applause ] jimmy from one big bowl to another. Gabriel iglesias. Get tickets to his stand up tour dont worry, be fluffy at fluffyguy. Com. Thank you, gabriel. Well be back with ernest. Lou the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Lou the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by tequila don julio, an icon of modern mexico. Jimmy thanks to wanda sykes and Gabriel Iglesias. Apologies to matt damon. We ran out of time for him. Nightline is next, but first his album is called nashville, tennessee. Here with the song why dallas, ernest i know the stars are bright above that little texas town i bet im nowhere near her mind right now oh but i cant say the same its been thunderin and rain im so full of all this liquor and im drowning in this pain im wonderin why dallas did you take her from me everythin was fine out here in nashville, tennessee we went from chasing amarillo now im chasin memories im wondering why did you take her from me oh yeah lucas nelson if i could find the ocean i would pour it on my head float around this desert like a possum playin dead maybe i could drift back to her heart and find the bed maybe shell forget last night and everything i said im wondering why dallas did you take her from me everythin was fine out on a beach here in maui we went from chasin amarillo now im chasin memories im wondering why did you take her from me why dallas did you take her from me everything was perfect out here in nashville tennessee we went from chasing amarillo now im chasing memories im wondering why did you take her roll my heart right up and break it yeah why did you take her from me [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. Byron tonight, fake botox. Health officials sounding the alarm over the rise of counterfeit doses of the cosmetic drug. Clusters of injuriefr