Jokes about donald trump its the brad paisley live show oh lookin there a ratings bump thank you thank you five sweaty people in face shields. Appreciate it. This is awesome. And its freaking weird. Because everything is freaking weird right now. But some parts of life are starting to get back to normal. For instance im very excited that the new nfl season kicks off tomorrow. Hank jr. Always asks, are you ready for some football . Hell, im so starved for sports im ready for some badminton. The nfl is doing things differently this year. Like all of us. For safety players will be quarantined for 14 days every time they come in close contact with another player. So the season is going to last 17 years. Some teams are made for this like the Detroit Lions. Their defense hasnt come within six feet of another player since 1998. I can say that because im a Cleveland Browns fan. And as a browns fan, Detroit Lions jokes are all weve got. God bless em. Hey, speaking of sports are you familiar with the beersketball challenge . It started when i put out a song called no i in beer and some creative folks on tiktok took the ball and bounced it. Cause were all in this together to me, its all clear drinkin ought to be a team effort there is no i in beer its a little trickier than it looks. But i happen to have a sidekick tonight who knows his way around a can of beer. How you doing, guillermo . Guillermo how you doin, mr. Brad paisley . Im doin great. I see youve got your guitar, do you actually play that thing . Guillermo a little bit. You want to hear something . Without a doubt. Good luck tonight, mr. Brad paisley okay, so he doesnt it actually play that thing. Im glad youre here. Because i know you have catlike reflexes. Hey, so i wanted you to try this. Do you have a basketball and a can of beer . Nice shorts. Guillermo oh, thank you, theyre from cleveland. Give it a try, guillermo. Guillermo lets do this. I cant wait. Let her fly. Guillermo ready . Im ready. Oh, well guillermo can i try another one . Yeah, in a little bit. You can go ahead and drink that and well see how it goes next time. Guillermo all right, mr. Brad paisley. Ill go get the ball. Well check back in a little bit with a noticeably drunker guillermo. This is a tough time for everyone and it turns out a lot of people are turning to Country Music for comfort. Streams of Country Music are up over 11 since the quarantine started. Which i guess makes sense. Almost every country song is about loneliness or drunkenness. And right now everybody is both of those things all the time. And since life has changed so much this year, ive actually been rewriting some of my songs to better reflect the world were suddenly living in. Check these out. Ktel records presents brad paisleys greatest hits the 2020 editions okay, this is the new and improved 2020 version of my song alcohol. D ci thagrely e day we first groceries hoarding the charmin and pretty much constantly drunk you say its 5 Oclock Somewhere on a 9 00 a. M. Morning zoom call im the only bright spot in this god awful year alcohol [cheers and applause] sing that one responsibly all right, this next one is an update to my tender ballad letter to me. If i could write a letter to me and send it back in time to myself at 17 well it probably wouldnt get there til i was 31 cuz i cant find a mailbox what the hell is going on love and intimacy have changed probably this most in this time so heres an update to my song, remind me. We didnt care if people stared wed gather in large crowds out there somebodyd sneeze or hack or cough and wed just smile and shrug it off now its been so long since you and i hugged or kissed or hell high fived remind me remind me it was before social distancing wed only wear masks on halloween remind me remind me Carrie Underwood [ applause ] thank you, carrie. Appreciate you stopping by. I had to save the show. Carrie underwood, everybody bring back jimmy. Shut her up, turn her off we have a great show for you tonight. Well be right back with rainn wilson. After i started cosentyx. Of a shock four years clear. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. We believe in good we can all afford sing it, yeah, yeah from coffee that opens more eyes to black business. All gold to me to a hundred shades of beautiful. Yeah, good to me it ignites our imagination. In search of inspiration. And daring new ideas. At lexus our greatest curiosity isnt a machine. Its you. Experience the rewards of our curiosity. Take an extra 15 off. Get 25 off nine west. Mens flannel shirts are just 16. 99. And save on koolaburra home musthaves. Plus, take an extra 10 off during the fall style event. Plus, get kohls cash plus, free store pickup. Find a little more this fall. Kohls. We believe in good we can all afford sing it, yeah, yeah from coffee that opens more eyes to black business. All gold to me to a hundred shades of beautiful. Yeah, good to me has been amazing. Its not just a work environment. Everyone here is family. Thank you take an extra 15 off. Thank you get up to 50 off baby and kids. Take 20 off all beauty and fragrance. And save on cuddl duds home musthaves. Plus, get kohls cash plus, free store pickup. Find a little more this fall. At kohls and kohls dot com. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im brad paisley. Guillermo, give the beersketball challenge another try how about it. You want to . Guillermo sure, whatever you say, man. All right, lets see this. [ bleep ] man, i think that got him in the face. Man. Medic . Can we get a medic for guillermo . Well check back in on him in a second. Yeah, he might be bleeding. Anyway, speaking of beer, in just a little bit, i will be performing my single hit, no i in beer. And tomorrow night, the incredibly talented john legend will be here with his guest dj khaled. My guest tonight is a very funny emmynominated actor whom you know from his 9 seasons as the most ruthlessly ambitious paper salesman beet farmer ever. Now he stars as a virologist out to stop the spread of a virus any words on my sequencer . My reach is extremely limited without it. I mean, i feel like im be being systematically prevented theres no plot against you, michael. What is that supposed to mean . It means the dean doesnt think about you at all. Theres nothing in the budget for you. Why not . A lot of viruses out there. Absolutely, and mine is one of them. And your research is worthwhile. That was seven years ago. Utopia premiers september 25th on Amazon Prime Video. Please welcome my friend, rainn wilson. Hows it going . So far, i havent done anything too bad, i think. How are you . I think you look fantastic, talk show host is in the cards for you. At least one night, well see if they give me any more than that. Im so excited to get to do this, my sons, 11 and 13, ive never seen them binge anything with the veracity they went after the office. And they just finished the whole thing. And they are so excited that im talking to you tonight. Its really fun for them especially, but ive loved you for a long time. Oh, thanks, man, thats great. Purity of the office has just been off the charts in the last couple of years, especially with young folk, and with this pandemic, its been crazy. Crazy. Yeah, i think thats probably because its a fantasy now, people dont get to go to an office, so theyre watching this as some sort of way of saying oh, i remember what it used to be like. Right, people huddled in Conference Rooms and giving each other highfives and whatnot. Yeah, its funny at 11 and 13 to watch them get the humor of this, because i think its so ahead of its time. Ive watched them relate to this in so many ways, and theyve asked me if i could get a bears beats galactica from you seriously. You want me to be a trained monkey on your show now . Yeah. Mr. Tv host . Thats kind of what we were kind of thinking. Second of all, dwight never actually said those words. It was jim who said those words, hawk and jasper, idiots. Here we go, no, no, no. Bears beats battlestar gallactica, boom. Thank you, thats all the time we have. Thank you, folks. We are so excited to talk to you about this tv show coming out that is painfully appropriate for the times were living in. Its called utopia. Thats right. Its super cool, based on an english format, much like the office was. And the whole premise is that theres this graphic novel comic book that contains kind of the secrets to the potential destruction of the earth, and these comic book nerds kind of find this, and things start to unravel. So its got a dark sense of humor and a lot of conspiracy theories running around in it. Its a lot of fun. It sounds like it. I mean, did you learn anything about how to save the world in this tv show right now . I wish i had learned something from the tv show about how to save the world, because it really kind of feels right now like the world needs a little bit of saving, but unfortunately, no. I also recently learned you have donkeys. We actually have two donkeys ourselves on our farm. Those are your donkeys . No, those are yours actually right there. Those are my donkeys, oh, my gosh. Ours are known oliver ass and ben assfleck. Whats the story with yours . I like the ass being shoe horned in there. Thats a great idea. Ive got you beat, brad, what we have on the left is chili beans, our donkey, a rescue donkey, and on the right we have a zonkey. What the hell is a zonkey . A donkey mom meets, some kind of app, a zebra sperm, and they make a zonkey. Hes basically the, it looks really adorable. Thats derrick, my son named him derrick. He looks super adorable, but in actuality, a zonkey is the worst characteristics of a donkey and a zebra. The wild biting of a zebra and the dopeyness of a donkey. He has the worst personality. Im just going back to the dating app that hooks these things up. Youre close to having a zoo, because you have a couple potbellied pigs, right . We do. Oh, look at that. Thats snortington, back when snortington and my wife holiday, holidays the human woman, snortingtons the pig, just in case anyone was confused. Thats when snortington was allowed into the house. I see. Why is he not in the house anymore if i have to ask . We have a real menagerie around the house. We have rescue pit bulls. Basically, they got the scent of bacon, and they got hooked. So we had to put the pigs outside. Theyre in their own pigpen now. Holy youre so close to tiger king at this point, you realize that . Like one step. I should charge admission. Im also excited about your Youtube Channel an idiots guide to Climate Change, which is totally written for me, i believe. You and me both, and a lot of us are idiots about Climate Change, but it was a great adventure. I got go to greenland and iceland. And i didnt know anything about the issues, and i got to learn from a bunch of scientists. So it was a super fun adventure. I wish i could have brought my zonkey. Absolutely. They would have loved it in ice land. We went there for the first time last year, and i got go back. Did you ride the icelandic ponies . No, but i saw a ton of them. Theyre unbelievable. Theyre so much fun to ride. They dont go up and down. They just go like this. Its like riding a little loveseat. Great. Youll have one of those next, im sure. Yeah, i think thats a great idea. Well add, well add to the zoo. Im so thrilled to get to see you. I havent seen you since we played softball in malibu, which we had no business doing, either one of us. I hope you get through this time sane. Thanks, man. Its so great seeing you. Congrats on doing the show and fantastic talking to you you too, i cant wait to watch utopia. Utopia premieres september 25th on Amazon Prime Video and watch an idiots guide to Climate Change on rainns Youtube Channel, soulpancake. Thanks, rainn. Well be right back with music from the one and only brad paisley youve got some allergic itch with skin inflammation. Apoquel can work on that itch in as little as 4 hours, whether its a new or chronic problem. And apoquels treated over 8 million dogs. Nice. And. The talking dog thing . Is it bothering you . No. Itching like a dog is bothering me. Until dogs can speak for themselves, you have to. When allergic itch is a problem, ask for apoquel. Apoquel is for the control of itch associated with allergic dermatitis and the control of Atopic Dermatitis in dogs. Do not use apoquel in dogs less than 12 months old or those with serious infections. Apoquel may increase the chance of developing serious infections and may cause existing parasitic skin infestations or preexisting cancers to worsen. Do not use in breeding, pregnant, or lactating dogs. Most common side effects are vomiting and diarrhea. Feeling better . Im speechless. Thanks for the apoquel. Aw. Thats what friends are for. Ask your veterinarian for apoquel next to you, apoquel is a dogs best friend. Who know an open mind is the only kind. Who dont need to travel to find something new. Who know where to escape, even just for a moment. Who dont need a fortune to find a gem. And who know when you spend less, you can discover even more. And never, ever stop discovering. Spend less, discover more. At t. J. Maxx, marshalls, and homegoods. These fudge brownie m ms are really fyes they are. To put a fudge brownie center in an m ms is. Genius i know. I was going to say hard why wont you. Ughhhh. Ahhh why wont you go in. New fudge brownie m ms. To put on me about having hiv isnt gonna fit. Thats for sure. My name is zach and im on biktarvy. Biktarvy is a complete, onepill, onceaday treatment. Used for hiv in certain adults. Its not a cure but with one small. Pill, biktarvy fights hiv. To help you get to and stay undetectable. Thats when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. Serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. Rare, lifethreatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. Do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. Tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. If you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy your doctor. G hepatitis. Common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. If youre living with hiv. Keep loving who you are. And ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live, im brad paisley. All right, guillermo, this is your last chance to nail the beersketball challenge. Are you ready . You want to try again . Guillermo all right, lets do it one more time, do it again. Guillermo all right, ill do it again oh, [ bleep ]. All right, so well come to that. Im just going to go ahead and play. Wherever you are tonight whatever youre going through grab a long neck bottle or a big ol pint and lets all have a few cause were all in this together to me its all so clear drinkin oughta be a team effort there is no i in beer want to try it again, guillermo . [ bleep ]. You got a buddy whose heart broke see if you can get him on the phone tell him life aint fair we all been there but ya dont have to drink alone cause were all in this together to me its all so clear drinkin oughta be a team effort there is no i in beer there aint no u or i in beer thats right but theres about to be a lot of beer in you and i go, guillermo this is going to be our season yeah we were the team to beat oh but not anymore were lookin at the score in shock and disbelief but were all in this together and theres always next year im liking all this team effort there aint no i in beer yeah were all in this together thats why god put us here go ahead and check your websters there is no i in beer. Try it again, little buddy. Guillermo all right farmers and the First Responders to the truck driver shifting gears every nurse that needs a break let me a buy you a drink there aint no i in beer no, there aint no i in beer last chance, guillermo, go for it [ bleep ]. Guillermo one more time. Last chance, guillermo, see if you can get it this time. I hope [ bleep ] already. Yh re is no ibe no, the a, il youve officially achieved the american dream. Well be right back. Well be right back. You know how these things start. You try wendys buy one get one for a dollar breakfast offer, love it and tell a friend. Then they tell a friend. And so on and so on and so on. So get to wendys and get some breakfast there are memberships for all kinds of things today. But what about being a member of the family . What about being a member of the community . What about being a member of humanity . What if there was a membership that gave us the time to celebrate the things that connect all of us . Which is another name for sugar. Clif bar is brown rice syrup, to celebrate the things that connect all of us . In this kind bar, its hearthealthy almonds. With the taste of dark chocolate and 75 less sugar than the leading clif bar. Be kind to yourself. Thats all the time weve got tonight. Id like to thank rainn wilson, Carrie Underwood, and my buddy, jimmy kimmel. John legend will be your host tomorrow with his guest dj khaled. Nightline is next. Goodnight. Right now, at this defining moment in america, with so much on the line, from abc news, my america, your america. Our america. This is turning point. Tonight, race, reparations, repercussions, paying back communities of color. Is it the road to renewal . I do believe that the day of reckoning is coming. And where this nation standss on slavery still haunts the present. Tonight, what america owes. Here now, byron pitts. Good evening. Thank you for joining us. Tonight, a look at the deeprooted stain of racism in america, in our schools, our