Im so excited to be doing this. Ill never forget when jimmy called my agent about this gig. My agent said theres no way in hell adam driver will do this, but i also represent sean hayes. And i want to take a second to say hi to my husband whos back at home supporting me right now. Hi, scotty, i love you. And if you even think about touching the horse puzzle without me, ill suffocate you in your sleep. Now that were all having fun, im going to tell you something that will ruin your month. It turns out that coronavirus might be spread through air conditioning. Experts say ac can spread coronavirus by creating strong air currents that can move the droplets and contribute to increased risk. This is why i stay cool the Old Fashioned way, by getting drunk and falling down a well. Wow, remember 2019 when air conditioners were only killing us by melting polar ice caps and falling out of apartment windows . That was quaint, wasnt it . Remember ha . I will say this, if giant windblowing fans are to blame, we may need to quarantine beyonce for another year. She has about 70 horsepower on her at all times. During quarantine, we should all be reading more, especially our kids. But growing up as a gay kid in the suburbs of chicago, i didnt have many books that spoke to me. I mean, Curious George was not curious about the same things i was, and of course, wheres waldo. Who wants to find that guy . Hes got glasses and a passport. That nerd can find himself. So to help out kids like me who want to read, im launching my new book series wheres cher . You and your gay family can locate the oscarwinning superstar in a number of exciting environments. Ok, first lets find cher at the beach. Keep your eyes peeled. Im not sure what cher wears to the beach, but i guarantee it would blow waldos mind. There cher is. I shouldve known, headtotoe bob mackie. Good work, everyone. Okay, next page. The airport. Cher is probably in a rush to get back to malibu, so we have to act quickly. Where could she be . Found her. Shes stuck in line. Chers flying coach . Her poor managers going to get an earful. Isnt this so much more fun than looking for waldo and his rabid dog . Finally, lets find cher at the carnival. And dont pretend cher wouldnt go to a carnival. If you remember gypsies, tramps and thieves, cher was born in the wagon of a travelling show. This is her origin story. This is a tough one. Would cher enjoy a merrygoround . To be completely honest, ive pondered this question before. There cher is wait, thats not cher. Its waldo, as a cher impersonator. Hang it up, waldo, you cant pull it off. There she is. Soaked in the back of a log flume, and doing a terrible job of social distancing. At least put on a mask, cher. Dont you love to read . This is fun. Its a clip of some construction workers, pulling a cable out of the ground. Or so it appears. Actually, i know whats going on. Can we turn up the sound . Hey joe, tony, help me with this cable. Its so big. It sure is frank. All three of us need to use our rippling thighs to get it out of this hole. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, ive been quarantined a long time. You know, theres so much misinformation regarding coronavirus and its hard to know who to trust for honest and accurate medical information. Well, you should trust doctors. Like me, doctor sean, because im not just any doctor. Im an honorary doctor. See, Illinois State university, the school i dropped out of even though its one of the best fine arts schools in the midwest, gave me an honorary doctorate, which means i am qualified to answer all of the most common questions about the virus. So its time now for doctor seans covid corner. Hello. First, the most hotly debated question right now is should i wear a mask . For the love of god yes, and heres why. In the medical community, we know for a fact that the coronavirus is attracted to mustaches, both mens and womens. If youre wearing a mask, the covid beetles cant build their nests and poison your bloodstream with their feces. Makes sense . Thought so. Ok, heres one people ask a lot, how important is hand washing . Frequent hand washing is critical. The more frequent, the better. Why . Because the virus is creeped out by ocd. If you wash your hands every five minutes, the virus will be all get me away from this freak. So wash your hands, alphabetize your condiments, make sure you have an even number of coat hangers, then treat yourself to four yellow skittles. Heres one i see online sometimes, can i get coronavirus from drinking corona beer . This is just ridiculous. You cannot get coronavirus from drinking corona beer. Theyre just similar sounding words. Although eating clams does give you chlamydia. This one is about symptoms, does coronavirus really make you lose your sense of taste . Yes, thats true. But its not just taste in food. You lose your taste in music, movies, and home decor. We found out my cousin was sick when she started listening to chumbawumba and carpeted her upstairs bathroom. That was rough. And the last question is, what if i dont want to wear a mask . Thats easy. If everyone wore masks for 46 weeks, we could control this pandemic, because the real problem is people breathing on each other. So if you dont want to wear a mask, fine, just dont breathe for four six weeks. Its not like your brain was getting oxygen before. Trust me, im doctor sean. Tonight on the show, well honor our healthcare hero of the week, and we will be right back with Jason Bateman. Im still dead inside. Dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by allstate. For this for a long time. They will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident, even if its your fault. Cut sonny. Was that good . Line the desert never lies. Isnt that what i said . No you were talking about allstate and insurance. I just. When i. Lets try again. Everybody back to one. Accident forgiveness from allstate. Click or call for a quote today. T mobile has a plan built just for you. Accident forgiveness from allstate. We want you to get the value and service you need to stay connected. Saving 50 vs. Other carriers with 2 unlimited lines for less than 30 each. We know that connection is more important than ever. And were here to help, when youre ready to switch. Call 1800tmobile or go to t mobile. Com 55. How do you think they make starbursstarburst . Juicy . Juicedratic equation. Super topsecret mathematical formula they keep stored inside a safe, inside a vault, inside a volcano. Ahhh. Juicedratics. Starburst. Unexplainably juicy. Wow. Jim could you ipop the hood for us . . There she is. Turbocharged, right . Yes it is. Jim, could you uh kick the tires . Oh yes. Can you change the color inside the car . Oh sure. How about blue . Thats more cyan but. Jump in the back seat, jim. Act like my kids. How much longer . Exactly how they sound. Its got massaging seats too, right . Oh yeahhhhh. Oh yeahhhhh. Visit the mercedesbenz summer event or shop online at participating dealers. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on select new and certified preowned models. And take an extra 15 off s. Save on the ninja foodi. Get tops for the family 8. 49 and under. And save on adidas footwear. Plus, get kohls cash. Plus, limitedcontact store drive up. Shop kohls and kohls. Com i its something that makes us, bethink,it brings us together. And think about each other. We listen to music when were together. Thats like the main thing we do. Its like when were traveling together, when were talking together, when were cleaning the house, everything. I mean thats how we connect you know. [laughs] [humming] i dont remember that one. Can we take a selfie . Yea, lets take a selfie. Yea . Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live, im your host for the evening, sean hayes. In just a little bit, we will salute our healthcare hero of the week. But first, my guest tonight is a very talented actor, and great friend of mine who is the sweetest, funniest, smartest fellas i know. He and i, along with our good pal will arnett host the justhatched podcast called smartless, which you can listen to for free on apple podcasts. Please welcome americas sweetheart Jason Bateman. Oh, you know, ill gladly take that throne from sandy duncan. She was always americas sweetheart, i had the good forng fo fortune of working with her. Let me tell you something about sweetheart. Look at you. You look gorgeous there. This is the guest of sean hayes. First of all, did they rent you that hair . Its an actual helmet. It peels off. Its actually taped on. And the suit and the set behind you. Its incredible. This is my house. No, please promise me and tell me that you have those pants on that i love so much. You mean my covid uniform . Plaid. Yeah, those are my pjs, and this is my. Picnic table cover. In a pinch, yeah. So, if youre snacky, just look for my knees. So. Better way to say that. Are we still rolling . Can we go back . [ laughter ] wait, you really are one of the funniest people ive ever known. Listen, do you remember how we first met . Im gonna let you tell this story. America, thats the way you avoid hurting somebodys feelings, when you dont remember. I think i actually met you through will arnett about 20 years ago when we used to play poker together. Was it kyles poker game . Yes, how fun was that . Every tuesday night, i brought the pizza, you remember that . As people can relate, at a poker night, you usually are not going to remember everything. Im so happy i met you that night. What about the friendship that blossomed from there. I love you so much. Youve been doing talk shows since your family fortunatced y into the business after the delivery room. Yeah, delivery was much more expen se expensive back then. I would like to run down a list of questions that hopefully youve never been asked before. I know you, but some things i still dont know about you. Yes. In 1994, you costarred in a movie with katharine hepburn. What was the filthiest thing she ever said or did to you . Well, there wasnt anything filthy that she said or did, but there was something that was sort of filthy looking that wasnt after you kind of find out about it. She doesnt, she wore reebok high tops 100 of the time. But, when she had to wear a dressy outfit, she would simply pull black socks over the top of these high tops. So that would seem filthy and gross kind of in a weird, if youre a sicko like me, but once you understood her madness, i thought she just had horribly swollen feet. Jason eyes up here. Is that what it was . Yeah. To work with her was something pretty remarkable. She did tell me to stop acting during one of the scenes, she didnt mean as a career but in that particular scene i was doing too much. In true bateman form, i had more questions, but were going to move on. Are you aware, cohost that we are number seven today as of apple podcast, which is one episode. Very, very exciting and humbling and lets get to number one, damn it, after this show. Come on, america. Now tell me whats one of the most fascinating, interesting things about our first episode, which we interview dax shepherd for, anything you want to recall . Learning that he graduated sum summa cum laude, and that will is even a more coldhearted e co [ bleep ] than a new baby boy, i think he was not yet fully done giving birth to the child, maybe she had just finished. He left the hospital and got to his house to record the very first episode, i dont think they had yet cut the cord. I think he returned after the episode to cut the cord. Anything for a gig, this guy. I dont think its still cut. I think its still on there. Oh, gosh, yeah, no, hes very committed to the show, more so than his family, and we love him for it. We, do and i have to cut us off before we get too boring like we are in our podcast. Thank you so much for being here, and im so glad that were working together on a project. I feel very, very fulfilled. Love you, sean hayes. Love you. Well be right back with our Health Care Hero of the week. Tell me how you feel, are you even real tell me how you feel, are you even real are you even real [humming] [humming] tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant free with mobile order purchase. Tomorrows lookin good hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im jimmys seat filler, sean hayes. Our healthcare hero tonight comes to us all the way from santa maria, california. Please welcome nurse lucio arguijo. Hi lucio, did i say that right . Yes. Im such a big fan. Will grace. Thanks for being here. What is the situation at your hospital right now . Since the state opened up, we have to move into new spaces, but were doing good. You guys sleep like, how often, how long is your shift . We work 12 hours, but definitely, sometimes we have to work a little overtime because its crazy with all the numbers going up with covid. I work as long as that, i work two hours. But if that wasnt enough, i heard all youre going through, i heard your wedding plans got postponed, is that right . Yeah, i mean, we wanted to go traveling this year, which didnt happen, we wanted to get married this year, were living with my parents right now, actually, so. Hows that going . Um, its okay. Okay. So theyre going to watch us and love that response. Oh, yeah. I love them. I love them. Theyre amazing. I love them, too. And id love to meet your fiance, ian, is he there . So this is ian. Hi, sean. Hi, ian, how are you . Im good. Nice to see you. Nice to see you, too. Guys, i have a proposal for both of you. Okay. I have some free time believe it or not during quarantine and decided to get ordained as an internet minister, and if you wanted, i could marry you two right now with america as your witness, what do you think . Okay. Thank god you said yes, because when i had this idea yesterday, i overnighted a wooden box to your house just in case. So go ahead and open that right now. Okay. Open it up many. Ah. No keep opening. Keep opening. No keep going. Oh, my god oh, my god, oh, my god. Arent those beautiful . Oh, my god, these are gorgeous. I got them in for free. No, i didnt. I paid a fortune for them. Weve got the dream rings and the dreamy minister. Lets do it. Ready . Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in accordance with strict cdc guidelines to join lucio and ian in matrimony. They met six in hawaii on halloween night where they coincidently were both dressed as cats. Yeah, one was judi dench and the other taylor swift, right . They got engaged in 2018 but decided to wait two years until the worldcom calmed down a litt so thats a good choice. If i could give you one piece of advice, guice, it wouys, never angry. Now time for the vows. Please place your rings on one anothers fingers, yeah, nice. Lucio and ian, do you both promise to love, honor and cherish one another, to laugh together and cry together and to never, ever, ever turn off the karaoke machine when Mariah Careys hero comes on . I do. I do. I now pronounce you married. You may now kiss. Enjoy your honeymoon in the garage. Congratulations, guys. Rose petals for you. So cool thank you. Thank you. And lucio, we have one more surprise for you. In the spirit of spreading optimism, our friends at life is good want to send you 10,000 to spend however youd like. Their new tease for the times collection highlights the good in life while honoring Health Care Heroes like yourself. They are also going to send gift packages to the other nurses in your unit to help and honor them. Thank you, and thank you to life is good. And to send you two into a life of wedded bliss we invited your Favorite Music guest, cam. We love your new song i love you i feel like you have a classic love. I can see it, the way youre looking at each other, just makes me so happy. So were going to sing for some lucky sky leanin on the wall outside they dont makeem like that anymore im talkin down at the corner store shut the lines when they close their door they dont makeem like that anymore but you and i are classic mm, big limo and a prom date aint nothing new im waitin for, because they dont makeem like this anymore i want to hit rewind baby take our time i want to hit rewind baby and take our time they dont makeem like this anymore when you treat every little piece of a thing. Like its not just one thing. But everything. Because when each part does everything better than ever. Imagine what you can do with the sum of those parts. The new dell xps 10th gen intel bong use yogurt or milk to soothe your skin or you could use schick hydro silk with hypoallergenic serum day trips are better than daydreams. Experience the adventure of a bigger world, in a highly capable lexus suv. Visit your local lexus dealer, in person or online, for exceptional offers, at the golden opportunity sales event. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. And take an extra 15 off s. Save on the ninja foodi. Get tops for the family 8. 49 and under. And save on adidas footwear. Plus, get kohls cash. Plus, limitedcontact store drive up. Shop kohls and kohls. Com good mormore treatment . Were going to try Something Different today. Hi awwww, so pretty. Dogs bring out the good in us. Pedigree® brings out the good in them. That is all the time we have tonight. Id like to thank Jason Bateman, lucio and ian, cam, and my guiding light, jimmy kimmel. Be sure to check out my new podcast, smartless with Jason Bateman and will arnett available now on apple podcasts. Nightline is next. Time to go wash my hands until i cry. Goodnight. This is nightline. Tonight, city under siege. Federal forces accused of sparking urban urban urban portland, oregons mayor caught in the crossfire. And no end in sight. Plus, the 600 reality check. The popular covid lifeline set to expire. And the view from the hardesthit. This is the longest ive been unemployed. Its been over four months now, and this 600 lifeline helps us. Nightline starts right now. Good evening. Thank you for joining us, im