comparemela.com

Infection. Nothing comes out. You know, guest hosting a talk show in a Global Pandemic isnt a job many people would say yes to, but it could be worse. I could be hosting the peoples Choice Awards again. No okay. Nice crew you got there, jimmy. Theyre yelling through masks, by the way. A lot of soft droplets are flying. It was a dark time. Im here because jimmy is gone for the summer. He bought part of wyoming, and its way more responsibility than he thought it would be. Hes currently on horseback in a dumb hat like an extra on that show yellowstone. Jimmy, stop trying to impress kevin costner. Its embarrassing. But fear not, jimmy will be back in a couple of months, probably sporting his look from the early 2000s. Oh, my lord. Did you have an apartment above a Hometown Buffet . This whole situation is very weird but im not the only person in l. A. Performing for absolutely no one. Last night the dodgers played the diamondbacks in a completely empty stadium. But for some reason they still had creepy, disembodied cheering. 22. Bellinger turns on it. Down the line to right. Towards the pole. To the wall, a grand slam the lights turn on, another team comes in, and the mvp launches a grand slam. Terrifying. Those are the ghosts from way back in 1962. They all died from eating tainted dodger dogs. Id like to now go live to my courtordered sidekick, live from his pool in chatsworth, where they used to shoot a bunch of porn, its guillermo. Hey, everybody i havent seen your nipples in a long time. Are you in the deep end . Kidding, i know youre on the first step. Since theres no audience here, im going to need you to give me feedback. How do you think my jokes are going so far . Its not great, not bad. You just need to practice more and keep it cute. [ laughter ] so guillermo gets a laugh track and i dont . I see who youre loyal to. At least he thinks im cute. Id like to take a moment to wish a happy 24th wedding anniversary to my wife sarah. For real. I always had the feeling id spend our 24th wedding anniversary in a questionable pool in West Hollywood being filmed by two adult men in plastic helmets. Sarah and i have learned a lot. And its important to keep up intimacy after 24 years of marriage. If anything, just to gross out our kids. Oh, we dont know why the doors locked. Come back later. Quarantine has been a time of selfdiscovery for us all. Like this man, who decided to try his hand at making limoncello at home. Im about to sample for the first time my homemade limoncello. Im a little nervous. But i figured it was as good a time as ever to try it. So [ bleep ]. So how was it . Shocker that a british person made something that tastes terrible. I blame his dentist. The coronavirus has impacted many areas of our lives, and now families are being forced to cancel their Family Reunion plans. So, see . Theres a Silver Lining to everything. But despite warnings that people should not be gathering in large groups, lots of families are doing it anyway. There are Even Companies that are selling custom Family Reunion face masks. You see that . Thats real. Its the perfect way to say hi to grandma, and also cause her death. Come for the reunion, stay for the funeral. Which i think is also the slogan of olive garden. Jimmy would know. Last night, kanye west held his First Campaign rally in south carolina, because, you know, [ bleep ] it. Kanye felt less like the president and more like a frazzled substitute teacher who couldnt control his class. Heres him yelling at them for talking. If you guys want to whisper, go outside and talk. We need absolute silence, we need absolute order. Somebody is talking right now. If you see someone next to you that tries to whisper, hold your hand and say this person is distracting me from what someone is saying right now, and well have them escorted out. This person is distracting me. They want to know what is going on with your haircut, kanye. I would love to see footage of kanye telling kim he wanted to run for president and kim going, okay, honey. Now put your pants on and come back inside the house. Kanye also used the rally to talk about the issue that matters most to him, how smart he is. I understand everyone is excited. Its a new world. You have someone who is not afraid of anyone and only afraid of god and will honor god. Someone not afraid of anyone, and in honor of god, and is a 132 iq genius, who went to the hospital because his brain was too big for his skull. Welcome to the hospital, mr. West. Would you like to try the size 13 skull . Its a wide. To end this incredible monologue, i bring you this from the fox affiliate in baltimore. Its that tender moment when a news anchor utters the thing that his coworkers will remind him about every day until he retires. The first question, when you talk about that and compare it with lyme disease, how long does a dick, a tick, have to be biting you in order to transmit that . Guillermo, remember when you got bitten by that dick . Oh, yeah, it was a long time ago. It was. You had quite a reaction. The shows back to being highbrow, everyone. We have a good show for you tonight. Weve got music from Billy Strings and well be right back with the greatest human being currently walking the face of the earth Seattle Seahawks quarterback russell wilson. For my mother my father my grandmother my brothers and sisters my friends for going back to school the bbq the lake the beach my place for my neighbors my community my people my country my home for him for her for them for you. And your friend says they dont want fries. Get them the fries. Or else, your fries. Will be their fries. Ba da ba ba ba use yogurt or milk to soothe your skin or you could use schick hydro silk with hypoallergenic serum for the smooth shave we all deserve. Schick hydro silk who knows where that button is . I dont have silent. Everyone does right up here. It happens to all of us. We buy a new home, and we turn into our parents. What i do is help new homeowners overcome this. What is that, an adjustable spanner . Good choice, steve. Okay, dont forget youre not assisting him. You hired him. If you have nowhere to sit, you have too many. Who else reads books about submarines . My dad. Yeah. Oh, those are progressive cant protect you from becoming your parents, but we can protect your home and auto when you bundle with us. Look at that. I felt gross. It was kind of a shock after i started cosentyx. Four years clear. Real people with psoriasis look and feel better with cosentyx. Dont use if youre allergic to cosentyx. Before starting, get checked for tuberculosis. An increased risk of infections and lowered ability to fight them may occur. Tell your doctor about an infection or symptoms, if your inflammatory bowel disease symptoms develop or worsen, or if youve had a vaccine or plan to. Serious allergic reactions may occur. Learn more at cosentyx. Com. Wow. Jim could you ipop the hood for us . . There she is. Turbocharged, right . Yes it is. Jim, could you uh kick the tires . Oh yes. Can you change the color inside the car . Oh sure. How about blue . Thats more cyan but. Jump in the back seat, jim. Act like my kids. How much longer . Exactly how they sound. Its got massaging seats too, right . Oh yeahhhhh. Oh yeahhhhh. Visit the mercedesbenz summer event or shop online at participating dealers. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on select new and certified preowned models. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds that can keep up with my gaming . Lets hook you up with the Fastest Internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. Hi. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im joel mchale. In a little bit, his album is called home. Making his network tv debut, Billy Strings will perform from nashville. And tune in for the rest of the week with guest hosts nikki glaser, george lopez, and magical forest sprite sean hayes. My guest tonight is the greatest thing to happen to the Pacific Northwest since fir trees. Hes a super bowl champion, seventime pro bowler, and my favorite russell ever. Joining us now the quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks, number 3, russell wilson. Joel, good to see you. I see were doing something very similar. Youre in the suit and tie, im out here getting the rays, while youre sipping on, i guess thats coffee. This is pool water, russell. Its very nice. Sure it is. Its too bad youre not staying in shape during covid. Im sorry that you let yourself go. Hey, listen, i see youre covering yourself up, is what i see. I thought you were guillermo for a second. I joke. Russell, first of all, thank you for bringing a super bowl to seattle. It was greater than the birth of my children. And my children are watching. So thank you, thank you, thank you and i have to ask you, now that Patrick Mahomes is going to make half a billion dollars, hes the highest paid player in the nfl. Are you pissed off . Am i pissed off . No, im celebrating hes making this much money. Its a good thing. Sounds like the money is going up, the stock is rising, you know . With you making so little money now, and youre about to be a father of three, can you afford them . The more kids you have, the less you have to spend. So i think that its, this is why im trying to get as much relaxing time before the baby comes, whenever that happens. Im trying to get as much relaxing time, im going to have to be doing baby duties while trying to play football. Its an interesting balance. You look really stressed out. How is ciara feeling . Shes doing well. Shes excited, and has a lot of Amazing Things going on. Its crazy how hard she works. Were not too far away, every day shes working, working, working, getting things ready. Its pretty amazing. Shes got some new things coming up. Were excited about that. Does she ever yell, bring me four pickles and a milk shake . She doesnt yell at me, no. But when she doesnt talk to me, thats not a good thing. Im not sure which one your wife does. Im sure she probably yells at you. My wife is yelling at me right now, because its our anniversary and im in jimmys abandoned house. Will you be able to go to the hospital when shes giving birth. We dont know. I hope so. Covid is so crazy. Do you think she wants you in a hospital room . I think she needs me. Last time, she grabbed my hand, almost broke it. She was squeezing my right hand, i said, baby, use the left. Did the burst in and yell at her . No, it was you dressed as the general manager. Ive met pete carroll a couple of times. An important question, what is going on with his hands . Have you seen his fingers before . Hes got dinosaur fingers. Theyre all crossed up. He looks like a gargoyle in a church. Thats a great example. Is the medical term super [ bleep ] up . [ laughter ] russell, i know Training Camp starts in a week, right . Something like that. Are you going to go . Ill go if you go. If youre there, ill be there. You know. Its been kind of crazy with the nfl season coming up, and the nba, what those guys have gone through and everything else. Its been an interesting time for sure. I hope that, you know, i hope we can figure it out. You think a helmet with a mask will work . That will be crazy if we have to do that. Ive been practicing with it every day so i can get used to it if we have to. Were already out there. So maybe its a little bit late for that. Yeah. So we cant take this time for granted. Health and safety, its such an important time. Its really important that we do it the right way at the highest level. I think thats what the concern is. Especially for families. And like i said the other day, shes pregnant, were going to have a new baby in the world at some point. I know so many others have family and loved ones and everything else. At the end of the day, we want to play and us seahawks want to go to the super bowl and win it all. Thats our focus. But we want to do it in a safe way. You should try it with no helmets. That said, what do you think of no fans in the stadium . Do you think that will help with away games . Well, that will be crazy. Just to see it. I know some teams are doing no fans at all. Were doing a smaller amount, i believe. And its just going to be kind of a crazy time. You know what will be interesting . Being under center, calling plays where they can hear everything, and theres no real effect. So there will have to be some interesting learning there and it becomes just like practice . A way. Yeah. That is going to be very interesting. And i think at the end of the day, we want to play, we want to score touchdowns and make plays. And you have a brandnew pair of shoes. Im wearing your shoes right now. Youre wearing them, huh . Youre rocking them . Can you tell me about these . Theyre cleats . They just dropped, man. Its cool. When youre a young kid, you always have dreams of having your own cleats and everything else. So the new cleat just dropped today, actually. I was pretty excited and fired up. We have some cool gear on nike. Com. Its a blessing to be a part of it and enjoy the journey. I remember looking up to guys like Michael Jordan and so many others. I think as a young athlete you always hope kids can wear your gear. Its cool. Were out of time. Russells new alpha menace cleats from nike are available now. Well be right back with music from Billy Strings. Thanks, russell. Joel, see you. Go hawks, baby. Go hawks. Hey, can i. Hold on one second. Sure. Okay. Okay safe drivers save 40 guys guys check it out. Safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 safe drivers save 40 thats safe drivers save 40 . It is, thats safe drivers save 40 . Hes right there. Its him hes here. Hes right here. Hi hi. Hey thats totally him. Its him thats totally the guy. Safe drivers do save 40 . Click or call for a quote today. Safe drivers do save 40 . Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant free with mobile order purchase. Tomorrows lookin good at tmobile, you dont have to choose between a Great Network and the best prices. We give you both. Switch your family from at t or verizon to tmobile and you will save up to 50 off your Current Service and smart phones. 50 with three or more lines of essentials with unlimited talk, text and data. All on a network built with our best signals for coverage. And keep your current phones. Well pay them off up to 450 bucks each. Now get an Amazing Network for an amazing price. Only at tmobile. And you can make a difference today by completing the census. The census impacts everything from hospitals, schools and public transportation. The census builds america, so the census should look like america. Shape your future. Start here at 2020census. Gov. Your bank can be virtually any place you are. You can deposit checks from here. And you can see your transactions and check your balance from here. And pay bills from here. Because your bank isnt just one place. Its virtually any place you are. Just download and use the chase mobile app. Visit chase. Com mobile. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im jimmy kimmel. Our musical guest tonight is raising awareness for the National Independent venue association. Niva is asking congress for help, because without it, 90 of the music venues we love will close forever. The website below will send an email to congress to show your support. Now, from one of those iconic venues, nashvilles station inn, the incredible Billy Strings. Cold cold ashes on the ground nothing lost and nothing found friends and loved ones falling down cant you hear that mournful sound nothing left but memories of things i still cant stand to see theres an empty spot in me where my hometown used to be this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around neighborhoods left to decay people died or walked away nowhere left for them to stay and we just look the other way this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around waves keep pounding through the night lost without a ray of light going down without a fight is there still time to make it right this old boat is taking water it wont be long till it goes down weve had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around this old boat is taking water wont be long until it goes down had enough to push us over time to turn the wheel around verizon knows how to build unlimited right. You start with americas most awarded network. The one with unbeatable reliability, thirteen times in a row. This network is one less thing i have to worry about. Then you give people more plans to mix and match, so you only pay for what you need. Verizon unlimited plan is so reasonable, they can stay on for the rest of their lives. Aww. You include the best in entertainment. And you offer it all starting at 35, because everyone deserves the best. This is unlimited built right. Only on verizon. Well the names have all. Welcome back, america. It sure is good to see you. But i bet i love kelloggs frosted flakes more than you. Come on buddy my picture is on the box. Its the truth tony tie breaker, whos got the deeper voice . Theyre grrreat i win i win ohhh, youre cute when youre wrong. However you go back, weve got your back. Sweetnsour, spicy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba can match the power of energizer. Because energizer ultimate lithium is the longest lasting aa battery in the world. [confetti cannon popping] energizer. Backed by science. Matched by no one. Well, thats all the time we have. Id like to thank russell wilson, Billy Strings, and fly tyer magazines amateur angler of the month, jimmy kimmel. Nikki glaser will host tomorrow with guests paris hilton and phoebe robinson. Nightline is next. Its hilarious. Im going to go stick my body in a bag of rice now. Thanks, everybody. Thanks for having me. Good night. This is nightline. Tonight, america put to the test. Straining under a surge in cases of covid. Now the young woman longing to touch her loved ones. Signing up with a medical trial that may make her dream a reality. My grandfather turned 93 in june and i couldnt give him a hug. That was really sad. How soon could the country see a vaccine . Plus, the legacy of john lewis living on. How people were shaped by the civil rights icon. His moral compass always pointed north. Always. Nightline starts right now

© 2024 Vimarsana

comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.