And it was enjoyed sparingly. But then came twitter. And things got messy. People got messy. At first we were excited. We were like, oh, wow, i can tell quiznos they suck while im on the toilet . What Alien Technology is this . And we began to publicly post whatever we thought whenever we thought it. A 700tweet thread about which del taco sauce is the worst . Go for it. Some dick is kicking your seat on your delta flight to houston . The world must know about this. That dress is black and blue, you idiots. Tweet oh, you know, she brought up the dress. It all seemed like a good idea at the time, but so did having the word juicy spelled out on all of our butts. Right . Remember the early 2000s . And as twitter got bigger it became a place for serious conversations about our culture. Unfortunately, many of us put as much thought into our tweets about social justice issues as we did those quiznos toilet tweets. And those thoughts are now coming back to cancel us. What most of us didnt realize was that by posting every one of our thoughts on a whim, we were permanently linking our names to ideas that should have been taken as seriously as bathroom graffiti. And with everyone being so connected and compounded by the fact that were all stuck at home and angry, when something happens theres peer pressure to comment on it right away. Were expected to have these fully formed, omniscient, bulletproof, unassailable hot takes on every topic in real time at all times that will stand the test of time. Or just do a weird dance on tiktok. And as a result no one takes a minute to gather facts, ask questions, or wait 24 hours for a story to develop. We just jump in, trying to Say Something profound based on very little information. You guys, meaningful statements take time to craft. Thats one small step for man took days to come up with. And it still left out women. Were all at the mercy of the petulant internet mobs demands, tell us your opinion now so we may screengrab it and ruin you for it as soon as anything good happens in your life. And thats where we get into trouble. Because stupid thoughts dont age well. And we are all guilty of this. Weve all tweeted stuff that felt fine at the time but we wouldnt tweet it now. Like this. Man, that pedophile island seems amazing. Privateplanelife, right . And today its like, how could we have known back then that private planes were so bad for the environment . And because the first rule of the internet mob is youre not allowed to change, youre tied to your dumb thoughts for all of eternity. Because the internet doesnt care that youve grown, expanded your mind, or have a more complex understanding of life and havent had a juicy brand butt since 2010. The internet only remembers you as you were. Its like talking to your parents. They always remember you at your worst and you cant change. Youre like, mom, i paid off my Student Loans and i bought a house. I remember when you left fish sticks under your bed for six months. Mom, i was 15, that was over two decades ago. We had to move out for a week because of the smell. Im really responsible now, im in an hoa. Had a hard time selling it because people thought someone died in your room. But heres what ill say to the internet. Internet, people should be allowed to evolve and not have their career ended by something they drunkenly tweeted in an uberx after a fallout boy concert in 2015. Hypothetically. And look, there are people who actually want to hurt others and have a pattern of saying horrible things and using a social platform to spread hate. So, yeah, roast those people over the open flames of social judgment. Roast them, roast them right out of the oval office. Thats my only president joke. Hey, red states. But the rest of us are constantly learning new things about the issues other people face. Black lives matter, trans rights are human rights, feminism, antisemitism, islamophobia, xenophobia, people who are in long, committed relationships with their furniture. Most people like to think that what they know is good enough and that most people probably feel the same way as them. Its what standup comics count on. But we need to chill with canceling everyone because soon, there will be no one. I think we should support people who change their opinion for the right reasons. Because it means they cared enough to read a book or talk to a person whos different from them and theyre trying to do better. But lowkey, if you used to think Climate Change wasnt real and now do, i still dont want to hang out with you. The truth is, we should all be working to learn and evolve as much as we can. So remember, its not your fault that you grew up not knowing something, but it is your fault if you dont continue to try and learn anything. But since we are so obsessed with canceling and i want to fit in, i thought id wedge my own personal agenda into a late night monologue. So these are some of the things id love to cancel. This is cancel corner heres a new one im already sick of designer masks. Its medical equipment, not a handbag. I dont wanna live in a world where yeezy has a winter collection of n95s. He needs to focus on the presidency. The automated message lady voice that says, leave a message. When you are done, hang up. Oh, cool. Because ive just been dropkicking the phone into traffic. Or press one for more options. What options . Sending a fax . Moreover, who is finishing their message and is like, call me later. Bye the opening paragraph of any websites top ten list. No one reads you, they go right to the list. It never has info you need. Its no secret that los angeles is home to some killer tacos, but if we didnt make this list, you would probably never eat again. Cancelled. Next up, the hard seltzer race. Too many contenders. We saw this gold rush with the flavored water game and the hard cider game. I didnt realize adding vodka to a lacroix was brain surgery. Canned soda liquor is that uncanny valley of flavor, and then you rationalize, well, its only two calories and its here. And it reminds me of grapefruit. There should be three drinks a vodka soda, a vodka, and a vodka with vodka. Vodka vodka. What else needs to go . Netflix suggestions. Forgive me for this, my overlord. These suggestions are always offensive, never flattering. Netflix is the only company that will look at their customers and be like, hey, loser, you like romcoms . Heres a doc about child molesters and a show about eating cake. Live ugly, die hard. Cancelled. Eating out at restaurants. I fully back supporting local restaurants but maybe just stick to takeout right now . This image is unsettling. How can you act like everything is normal when your waiter is dressed like a nuclear welder. The only difference is, welders have health insurance. This guys dressed for combat in a slaughterhouse apron and youre in a fun tank top, ordering vegan steak bites. Also, eww, men in tank tops. Cancelled. This ones evergreen. Men who had a daughter and only then realized they shouldnt be horrible to women. What an epiphany. Thats like saying, it wasnt till i was hit by a car that i realized you shouldnt hit people with your car. Cancelled. I hope youre writing all these fire observations down in a journal somewhere. Losing instagram followers because you post about black lives matter. Nope. You dont get to cancel me. You followed me for a reason. Thats right. Come for the endless livestreams of my dogs mouth and stay for the late in life wokeness. Cancelled. Ive always been woke, though. Last, but not least i think we should cancel the coronavirus. Has anyone tried that . If only there were some sort of barrier. Some sort of mouth barrier. A wall, a mouth wall. Build a mouth wall. Its something that each person could put up to limit the germs coming in and out of their mouths. Oh, if only there were a way to stop this totally preventable disease from spreading. Please wear a mask, we dont have to live like this. Wear a mask so next time i guest host i can do it from jimmys stage instead of, what is this even, a haunted condo . Okay, so are we together on this . Cancel coronavirus, no . Because it came from a woman . Okay, well, i tried. God bless america. Please, lets get through this. We have a fantastic show for you tonight. Weve got music from margo price and we will be right back with miss laverne cox. Day trips are better than daydreams. Experience the thrill of a bigger world, in a lexus highperformance vehicle. Visit your local lexus dealer, in person or online, for exceptional offers, at the goldey sales experience amazing at your lexus dealer. For exceptional offers, icy buffalo, tangy bbq. Each mcnugget, a chance to diversify your sauce portfolio. Ba da ba ba ba right now, there are over a million Walmart Associates doing their best to keep our nation going. Because despite everything thats changed, one thing hasnt and thats our devotion to you and our communities. Our priority will always be to keep you and our associates safe, while making sure you can still get the essentials you need. Come on tucker, lets go. K . Tuck, tuck, do you want a walk boy . Tucker, do you want to go out . When the whole family needs an excuse to get out, nutros clean recipe will help your dog keep up. Margo pric. Im sexy and i know it girl look at that body theyre going to be paying for this for a long time. They will, but with accident forgiveness allstate wont raise your rates just because of an accident, even if its your fault. Cut sonny. Was that good . Line the desert never lies. Isnt that what i said . No you were talking about allstate and insurance. I just. When i. Click or call for a quote today. Crunchy oat clusters with a hotouch of honey. Ombine. Plump, juicy raisins. And tasty fiber. Into one delicious cereal . It took a lot of branstorming. Get it . Kelloggs raisin bran crunch. Two scoops of delicious. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im Iliza Shlesinger. By the way, since no one is sleeping anymore, after the show, check out my standup special, unveiled the Iliza Shlesinger sketch show and spenser confidential, all on netflix now. In just a little bit, her album thats how rumors get started came out on friday. Music from margo price is on the way. Tomorrow night, i will be back screaming about masks on twitter, but Whitney Cummings will be hosting with her guest eric andre, and music from rema. My guest tonight is an emmynominated actress, an emmywinning producer, and she is even more beautiful in person. She is the executive producer of an eyeopening new documentary called disclosure. Its available now on netflix. Please welcome laverne cox. Hello, darling. How are you . Your voice is like butter. Im thriving you. Like butter. Butter is good. Butter is very good. Disclosure is a very compelling documentary. I watched it, and the show, his people have been treated in the media, in film and on television. Its trans rights, and trans struggle 101 for people. Is there a film that had a strong efefect for you . So many films. Theres a film called yentl, with barbra streisand. Im a black transgender who loves this film. Its about this woman who has to pretend to be a man so she can go study to be a rabbi. Theres a beautiful song in the film called will someone ever look at me that way . And theres a moment where she falls in love with mandy patinkin, and she sings this song, because he has this crush on this girl. And as a kid, i knew i was a girl, but everyone thought i was a boy. And i was falling in love or had crushes on boys. I wanted someone to look at me that way. It was so huge for me. You bring up that youre a black transgender woman from alabama who fell in love with this icon. You can find passion and similarities wherever there is art. You have been dancing in quarantine. Recently you danced in a s. C. U. B. A. Mask. Is this high art . Do i not get it . Yes. Its a gas mask. Did you wear this to the grocery store, is it ppe, is it fashion . This is a fullfaced snorkel mask. It covers your entire face. I live in a condo in los angeles, i havent felt comfortable going into the pool. Im wearing latex gloves, and the mask, and so i went swimming. It looks so hot. Thats all im thinking. I live in l. A. , too, and the fact that you can make it be fashion and not be dripping everything off is just insane. And you do a lot of, oh, go ahead. Thats why you get in the pool. I was in the pool yesterday, and i was so hot, you jump in the pool and you cool down. Like, hello. Because everybody is staying home, is that why more people are singing and dancing on tiktok than ever before . Probably. What else are we going to do . Ive been really busy for the past few weeks, but, yeah, singing and dancing is really good for the soul. Its a release, and we need a release right now. These are really intense times. We need to sing and dance, because it brings us joy. I would scream my head off at a black lives matter protest, then come home and dance in a zen state. Its a balance. You started out as a hardcore karaoke singer. Tell me about you and karaoke. I did host a karaoke night in new york city. But back in the day, i went to Indiana University for two years. And the only karaoke bar in town, you had to be 21 or older to get into. I went to new york and got a fake i. D. So i could go to the karaoke bar. I did not drink alcohol. I was not drinking underage. I didnt have my first sip of alcohol until i was, like, 23 or so. I didnt care about drinking. But i needed to do my karaoke. The guy gives that, a week before i turned 21, there was a new door guy. What is this i. D. , this is fake, he confiscated the i. D. I was devastated. But a week later, i went back with my real i. D. , because i turned 21. I showed it to him, he was like, oh, happy birthday. He let me in, and i was like, yes. Getting back into a bar after what im assuming is a hot door guy. Just on the tone of similarity, i, too, had my fake i. D. Taken from me. Ive never felt closer to another woman as i do right now. I also didnt drink until i was 23. So, twins. And look at us now. Youre doing me a favor by coming on. Thank you so much. Im so glad i cornered you at a Golden Globes party and you agreed to come on jimmy kimmel today. I love you, darling. Thank you for making disclosure. Its so important. And youre thebest t so much. Have a great week. Thank you so much. Disclosure. Isnt she great . So elegant, beautiful, and buttery. Disclosure is on netflix right now. Well be right back with miss margo price. He found it in a boy with special needs, who also needed him. As part of our love promise, subaru and our retailers host adoption events and have donated 28 Million Dollars to support local animal shelters. Milies who adopt them. Subaru. More than a car company. Sprinting past every leak in our softest, smoothest fabric. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. Depend. The only thing stronger than us, is you. Shes confident, protected, her strength respected. With this one little nexgard chew comes the confidence,rit, to protect your dog from fleas and ticks use yogurt or milk to soothe your skin or you could use schick hydro silk with hypoallergenic serum for the smooth shave we all deserve. Schick hydro silk for the smooth shave we all deserve. Tomorrow can only be better with wendys breakfast. Win with a breakfast baconator, honey butter chicken biscuit, sausage egg and swiss croissant, or a maple bacon chicken croissant to showerskipping. These days call for a quick clean. Luckily, help is still one wipe away. Love, neutrogena®. Hi. Whats on your mind . In. Can you help keep these guys protected online . Easy. Connect to the xfi gateway. What about wireless data options for the family . You can customize and save. What about internet speeds you u the faest internet from xfinity. And now with our stores reopening, were putting Healthy Practices in place. Come visit a store today. Stop in or book an appointment online at a time that works for you. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Ask. Shop. Discover at your local xfinity store today. The best or nothing. Welcome back to jimmy kimmel live. Im Iliza Shlesinger. Im so excited for my musical guest tonight. Im a huge Country Music fan and im a fan of hers. Her new album is called thats how rumors get started. Here with the song letting me down, margo price. School was done and you were gone so fast gave up everything that couldnt last borrowed money that you never paid back and left a hole in this town they dont make em like you no more your mamas workin at the liquor store but we dont talk about it anymore and you dont come around everybodys lonely oh babe just look around you got a way you got a way of letting me down you were in another dream i had still runnin from your deadbeat dad i had a feeling it would turn out bad and i never woke up bad luck you know it dont come cheap but things change baby nothings concrete a full moon above an empty street i only wanted your love everybodys lonely oh babe just look around h babe j you got a way you got a way oh you got a way way way of letting me down you keep letting me down keep letting me down down down down letting me down letting me down letting me d well the names have all changed since you hung around but those dreams have remained and theyve turned around whod have thought theyd lead ya back here where we need ya welcome back, amic it sure is good to see you. Plex here where we need ya better than the 100 retinol cream. Visibly smoother brighter skin in just 24 hours. Olay retinol24. Im sexy and i know it girl look at that body these fudge brownie m ms are really fyes they are. To put a fudge brownie center in an m ms is. Genius i know. I was going to say hard why wont you. Ughhhh. Ahhh why wont you go in. New fudge brownie m ms. Thats all the time we have. Id like to thank laverne cox, miss margo price, and my life coach, jimmy kimmel. Whitney cummings will host tomorrow with eric andre and music from rema. Nightline is next. I got to run, im getting on a zoom call with a bunch of people i hate. Good night, america. Is is nightline