And there are new rules for bullies. From now on, all wet willies must be dry daryls. Our plan is to pull the kids out of school all together and hope they become reality tv stars. A lot of people are wondering which of the many changes weve made to our lives during this pandemic are going to carry over when things go back to normal, like, will the Hometown Buffet still exist . Will children sit on santas lap at christmas . Will we bob for apples at halloween . Ive been thinking about all the things that have to go. And i have to say one thing i hope the virus does kill is the penny. Thats right, the penny. That little onecent coin that rattles around in the bottom of your cup holder ofner nissan sentra. If were giving up highfives and handshakes, the penny has to go. Handing someone a 20 bill is almost the same as licking them on the face, but at least a 20 bill is worth 20. A penny buys you nothing. Its a hundred dre100th of a do. Basically, the government is manufacturing shiny little pieces of garbage at a loss. While were at it, the nickel can go, too. Im calling on the government to give us a brighter future, something to look forward to. Kill the penny. Kill the penny, nix the nickel and put the dime on notice while youre at it, too. Dimes up. This is what our pennycolored president is up to. While Racial Injustice is tearing this country apart, he is going to war with twitter. Earlier this week, twitter labeled one of trumps many lies as potentially misleading and linked it to aninews articles showing it was misleading. He claims that voting by mail will result in an avalanche of antitrump voter fraud. So today he picked up his president ial sharpie and signed an executive order that would limit Legal Protection foresocial Media Companies. Im signing an executive order to protect and uphold the free speech and rights of the american people. Currently social media giants like twitter receive an unprecedented liability shield, based on the theory that theyre a neutral platform, which they are not. Not an editor with a viewpoint. My executive order calls for new regulations under section 230 of the Communications Decency act to make it that social Media Companies that engage in censoring or any political conduct will not be able to keep their liability shield. Thats a big deal. Jimmy this is crazy. This would be like if he declared war on ar byes, embassy they said there are 550 calories in his curly fries. In a nutshell, the president is mad at an app on his phone and is using the power of his office to retaliate. This is whats on his mind as the death toll from a virus is over 100,000 now, and people are rioting in the streets. He told reporters today he would shut down twitter if his attorneys could find a way, because theyre limiting his freedom of speech, which is obviously insane. He is mr. Twitter. And by the way, if hes so mad at twitter, why doesnt he stop using it . He cant, because he loves it, he loves mashing those angry little thumbs. This is funny. Yesterday trump retweeted a video from his pet frog lou dobbs who hilariously declared him to be arguably the best president in our history. This was posted mockingly by a user named Andrew Lawrence. After trump retweeted it, Andrew Lawrence changed his screen name to trump is dumb, sloppy and moist. Now i dont know about moist, but i have noticed something odd about donald trump, odder than usual even. And when i see him on tv i have a hard time thinking of anything else. Our president is lopsided. When he stands up straight, it isnt straight, hes kind of offkilter. Hes bent. Here he is in a room. Here he is at a rally. With the gangstalean going there, on the lawn. And he has the nerve to call hillary crooked. He looks like an upside down bowling pin teetering on the edge of the gutter. It would seem the bone spurs have finally spread throughout his whole body. This has been another terrible week, and our government is terrible and the world is terrible and everything is terrible and i think we all need a boost. So, against the advice of doctors, against the advice of the cdc, i invited a friend to come to my house. This is someone who i think can cheer anyone up, and i want to introduce you to him now, here he is, ladies and gentlemen, say hello to upbeat bobby. Bobby . Hey, everybody upbeat bobby here. Heard youre feelin a little bit down. Maybe you guys would like to see a magic trick. I said maybe youd like to see a magic trick. Jimmy yes, do a trick all right, okay. So i have here a penny. This is one of the ones jimmy wants to go. Watch very closely. Lets make it go a penny is gone. Too small to see . All right. I happen to have a clementine in my butt. Hmm . Hmm. Oh, and look at this. What did i find . In your ear. Thanks, everybody. Hey, im headed upstairs to go jump on the bed. Jimmy see, i told you he was great. I feel better already. We have a weird show tonight. When we come back, im going to interview my next door neighbor, dakota johnson, over our fence, so stick oh dicky Abcs Jimmy Kimmel live, brought to you by wendys. A tomorrow that says baycan. Not baycant. Where fresh eggs rain like. Opportunity. Goodness is spread. And the frosty is ccinoed. Tomorrow brings more. Like buyanyofthese andgetanother forjustadollar kind of more. No matter what, tomorrows lookin good tomorrow also available today. When visible set out to create the future of phone service. We tossed the stuff that wasnt working. And kept the stuff that was working. Like verizons 4g lte network. Meet visible. Unlimited data, messages and minutes. Just 25 for your first month. Join us at visible. Com. You wof your daily routine, so why treat your mouth any differently . 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And kept the stuff that was working. Like verizons 4g lte network. Meet visible. Unlimited data, messages and minutes. Just 25 for your first month. Join us at visible. Com. Jimmy hey, im in my back yard. Tomorrow sean penn will join us. My guest tonight is a bigtime Hollywood Star and a hell of a next neighbor, too. Her new movie, the high note, is available on vod starting friday. Joining us now from over the fence, dakota johnson. Hey, dakota oh, there she is. Oh, hey. Jimmy are you gardening . Yeah. Jimmy is that your gardening ensemble . Yeah, i was just about ready to wet my plants. Jimmy i think my daughter has that same outfit. No, i asked if i could borrow it. It fits her better than me. Jimmy whats going on over there . Is anything happening fun over there . Not exactly. Fun stuff is not happening over here. Jimmy fun stuff is not happening over here either. Is anything happening fun over here . Jimmy sometimes my son says penis, and thats the highlight of the day. Its the highlight of my day if anyone says penis in my house. Jimmy did you know you have cameras pointed at your house . Were socially distanced. Were at least 12 feet apart. Do you have food . Do you need anything . Do you need toilet paper or anything like that . Im okay at this moment, but if you have food already made for tonight, ill take it, because im hungry. Jimmy i actually made chicken legs, do you like chicken . Chicken legs . Sure. Jimmy yeah, drumsticks. Thats a different way to say it. Chicken legs. Its really like savage. Jimmy thats what it comes to over here. Well, when bush comes to shove. Jimmy of all the neighbors youve had in your life youre the best one. Jimmy am i the best one . Yeah. Jimmy thank you, appreciate that. Thats nice of you to say im trying to think, have i had bad neighbors . The ones on the other side jimmy when you were kids, didnt you live next to Hunter Thompson . He and my dad were best friends. He was like always at the house doing super normal stuff. Jimmy would you have conversations with Hunter Thompson . Yeah, and he would bring bizarre gifts like bird callers or goggles or like a fishing rod. Jimmy did you ever have bullets flying by the bounce house . Yeah, we did, not the bounce, because we didnt have a bounce house, but he used to come into the driveway at like 3 00 in the morning and shoot his gun off to let us know he was there. I mean, them, i was asleep. I was asleep. Jimmy so i am easily the best neighbor. Oh, your dogs over there. Yeah. Jimmy i started to get nervous. We put some stuff into this fence so he wouldnt go into your yard anymore. Jimmy hes welcome in the yard. The kids would be more than happy to that was so cute when you guys came over, when jane came over in her pajamas. Jimmy i was thinking about your grandmother, tippi hedren who still has big cats. Living at her house. Yeah. Jimmy when i saw that joe exotic. I would assume she does not approve of the joe exotic lifestyle. No. This is uncomfortable. It smells. It smells like feet. I think it came from a bizarro runway. Jimmy did you have that in your closet . Yes. Jimmy you did. You dont have any tigers at that house . In here . Theyre all inside right now. Jimmy have you ever had roommates . Have you ever had a situation where youve had to live with other people . Yes. Jimmy im not talking about a boyfriend. Im talking about a roommate. I lived with my first boyfriend out of high school. And one night his friend, he was like hes going to sleep on the couch. And then like seven months later, he was still sleeping on the couch. Jimmy thats a long nap. Thats a long journey. We had like a tiny apartment. I had no money, i was like 20 years old. He was 67, and thats not like a cool amount of space to take up in any couch but also in any room. Its so much space. And so every few weeks, id be like, tobias, are you going to jimmy say goodbyeas . And he always stayed. He stayed for a long time. Hes an amazing songwriter, actually. Jimmy oh, you keep in touch with him. Yeah. He now has his own amazing house. Jimmy you should go crash that place for seven months. I should. It should be when you guys have parties and dont invite me, ill go there and stay at his house. Jimmy so every night weve been highlighting a charity. And youve picked which Charity Tonight . The World Food Program. Jimmy the World Food Program. At wfp. Org. Ill be making a donation to World Food Program and other neighbors hopefully will make a donation. That would be cool. I feel bad that i said the other ones suck. It would be great that you made a donation. You dont suck today. Jimmy we did have some problems with the neighbors. I think thats smoothed over, right . Yeah, i had to rent a garage to put my truck in, which is absolute [ bleep ]. Jimmy they had your grandfathers truck towed and now youre renting a garage. And they never owned up to it. Do you remember that night . It was nuts. I lost my mind. Jimmy they did tell me it was them. They did . Did they say they saw the show . Jimmy yeah. Oh, my god many im going to have to stay in the house for a while. Jimmy if you get lonely come down to the fence. I will come down to the shrub for a chat. Jimmy high note on demand. Dakota johnson, my neighbor. Thank you, dakota, well be right back. Thank you that go out today get delivered. There are people who can only get food from amazon. When you come into work, thats what drives you. My little one, i would say hes definitely proud of me. Every time he sees the blue prime trucks, he says, daddy, theres your people i know every single one of us is here busting as hard as we can go every day to make sure these packages get delivered. As hard as we can go digiorno has 7 delicious crusts. And your family food critics will rave. Rising crust is freshbaked deliciousness. Stuffed crust is literally mouthwatering. Theres a fivestar pizza for everyone in your family to love. Its not delivery, its digiorno. Of all the places youre looking forward to. Where will you go first . Wherever you may go, lexus will welcome you back with exceptional offers on exceptional vehicles. Find out all the ways a lexus can be yours at lexus. Com experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Michael vasquez come over here. Ive heard such good things about you, your company. Well, i wouldnt have done any of it without you. Without this place. This is for you. Michael, you didnt have to. And, were going to need some help with the rest. Youve worked so hard to achieve so much. Perhaps its time to partner with someone who knows you and your business well enough to understand what your wealth is really for. Jimmy welcome back to Jimmy Kimmel Live from my house. And before we go any further, id like to take a moment to talk to you about something thats very important to me. Maybe its something thats important to you. Ooh wow yeah, cant wait to hear what this is. I love your p. O. B. , jimmy. Jimmy molly . Its not molly. Its me, lentils. Jimmy lentils . Lentils from the kitchen lentils . Yeah, lentils from the kitchen lentils. Remember me . Jimmy oh, right. I forgot i put you in there. How have you been . Oh, im great. Im awesome jimmy. Im so, so good just in this cupboard. Actually i dont want to fight. I kinda just wanna know what happened . Because last we spoke i remember we were in the supermarket and you turned to your wife and you said lets get some lentils. That was years ago. Jimmy didnt i use you to make some kind of soup once . I used like a handful of you . Jimmy, can i speak for a second . In 2017, you looked at me, lifted me and put me right back on the shelf. That was the last time you even touched me. That was the last time i was even touched, do you know how hard that is . Jimmy i feel like youre reading too much into this. I feel like youre going a little bit overboard. Oh,. I love when a man tells me how i should be feeling and that i shouldnt trust my emotions. You know, jimmy . I hear what your kids call me. The girl said i taste like doo doo. Jimmy thats jane, and, yes. That was out of line. It was disgusting and reprehensible, and she should have been punished. But im not here to teach you how to parent. I moved with you. Why did you pay movers to pack a bag of lentils you dont even like . That is psychotic behavior. Thats insanity. And then not to eat me after that, its like, whoa. Jimmy i guess i just havent had an appetite for lentils. Wow. Okay. Wow, wow, wow, jimmy, wow. Jimmy i didnt mean it like that. I didnt mean to offend you. No, no, no, you said it, girlfriend. You heard it here, jimmy kimmel is too famous to eat lentils. Jimmy that is not true. I did not say that. I know, i know youre not used to hearing this, jimmy. I dont care that youre famous. You know what i care about . Treating others with kindness, yeah, that means something to me. Respect. I also like respect. Maybe some type of morality is cool. Jimmy what can i do to make it up to you . I feel like were going in circles here. Are you for real this time . You actually want to do this . Jimmy yeah, what can i do. Maybe just say i love you. And you are worthy of love. That would be a good start. Jimmy fine. I love you and you are worthy of love, lentils. Okay . Thank you. I dont know. I dont buy it. I feel like youre acting again. Jimmy well, im not acting, i mean it. How about tonight, i cook you up with some chicken broth . Throw an a little tomato in there. Honestly sorry, i just did not wanted to cry. I just waited so long. That would mean a lot to me. Jimmy i forgot, were having pizza tonight. Maybe next you dirty bitch. I knew youd double cross me. Jimmy well be right back. If letterman had bought me none of this would have happened. Letterman was a good host and a good man. Youre not, youre done, jumpy. Youre done, girlfriend. Youre done. Dicky this episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live from his house is brought to you by leftovers. Like what you had yesterday . Have it again. Leftovers, same food but colder. And shouting] g [cymbals clanging] [knocking] room for seven. And much, much more. The firstever glb. Get 0 apr financing up to 36 months on most models, and 90day firstpayment deferral on any model. Family, running inthrough the yard family, all four seasons family, well bless your heart family, all in this together family, were taking a chance family, like birds of a feather family, kick off your shoes and dance family, like birds of a feather family, kick off your shoes and dance when visible set out to create the future of phone service. We tossed the stuff that wasnt working. And kept the stuff that was working. Like verizons 4g lte network. Meet visible. Unlimited data, messages and minutes. Just 25 for your first month. Join us at visible. Com. Tuna for jj. Turkey for tj. Turkey for jj. Tuna for tj. This is why we named your brother derek. Get a free footlong yup, free. When you buy one on the subway app. Order now. Theand we want to thank times, the Extraordinary People when you buy one on the subway app. In the healthcare community, working to care for all of us. At novartis, we promise to do our part. As always, were doing everything we can to help keep cosentyx accessible and affordable. If you have any questions at all, call us, email us, visit us online. Were here to help support you when you need us. Take care, and be well. To learn more, call one eight four four cosentyx or visit cosentyx. Com thats all the time we have, i want to thank dakota john s j my neighbor. Nightline is next, well see you tomorrow night. Same fat channel, same fat time. By car, by bike and by foot. Protestors demonstrate in solidarit over Racial Injustice. We spoke to an activist to advise the governor of police reform. Whenhein will ease. The weekend forecast is coming up. One cause has has has area this friday. Some participated by foot others bay car. Even a rolling demonstration by bike. All of them protesting the killings of black people across the nation by police. In the south bay protestors pea peacefully march through the steet of san jose. Eventually to city hall. And held a die in to remember taylor. Shot and killed in her apartment in march in kentucky. Today would have been her 27th birthday. Horns honking. Protesto d