Case with President Trump on his first day back in the United States after a 12day trip through asia. He started the morning with a flurry of tweets. The president took to twitter today to brag about the stock market, attack the new york times, promote fox and friends, promote sean hannity, criticize three ucla basketball players, send his condolences after another multivictim shooting to the wrong city in the wrong state. And thats it, i think. Its like he never left. [ laughter ] oh no, he also lashed out at cnn. He wrote, while in the philippines i was forced to watch cnn, which ive not done in months, and again realized how bad and fake it is. Loser [ laughter ] who is he calling loser . He knows cnn is not a guy, right . [ laughter ] i get the sense he walks around the white house yelling at inanimate objects. The lamp didnt turn on, loser then after the tweets the president gave his first speech from the white house in two weeks. The theme of which was putting america first. Japanese companies have announced investments in the United States worth more than 8 billi billion, 17,000 jobs. Thank you. They dont have water, thats okay. What . Thats okay. [ laughter ] japanese manufacturers jimmy what . Who drinks water like that . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] its even stranger, hes taub the subject, hes bringing jobs back to america. Hes drinking a bottle of water from fiji. Its fiji water. [ laughter ] hes not even drinking American Water during the speech about american i think that does a very good job of summing the man up right there. The president hasnt weighed in on the biggest story of the week, roy moore. Donald trumps in a real bind. On one hand he doesnt want to support an accused pedophile for senate. His other hand is grabbing a woman by the you know what im saying. Roy moore is running for u. S. Senate in alabama and there are many reasons he should not be a United States senator. The latest and most shocking are accusations of child molestation. Hes been accused by five women of Sexual Misconduct and or assault when they were young teenagers. They put him on a watch list at the mall. I want you to think about that for a sec. How does a man in his 30s get on a watch list at the mall . What man in his 30s is even willingly going to the mall in the first lace . [ laughter ] the only kids you should be picking up at the mall are your own kids, thats it. These were High School Girls. I didnt even date High School Girls when i was in high school, okay . [ laughter ] this is a real pickle for roy. So today his lawyers, hes got some team of lawyers. One of them tried to chalk this up to cultural differences. Why would he need permission from any of these girls mothers if they werent underage . Sure, thats a good question. And culturally speaking, obviously theres differences. While thats awesome that you have got such a diverse background, its really cool to read through that. But point is this what does alis background have to do with dating a 14yearold . Im not finished with the context of it. Well, please answer. What does ali velshis background have to do with dating children, 14yearold girls . Sure, in other countries theres arrangement through parents for what we would alis from canada. I understand that. And alis also spent time in other countries so have i. Its not a bad thing. Jimmy we sure he isnt an attorney for the other side . [ laughter ] his defense is canada. I think maybe he found his lawyer at the mall. The point is, to answer your question, so he said no, comma. He answered no, then he went on to say his process would be, before hed date anybody, whether theyre 25, 35, or whether he doesnt know their age, he would ask the mothers permission. Jimmy wait a minute, you would ask a 35yearold womans mothers permission . Can you imagine 35, a guy before he could take you to the movies, asked your mom if its okay . [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, my client is not a pervert, hes a gentleman [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] one of the five women who accused him has an inscription in her high school yearbook, a creepy inscription. She says it was written and signed by roy moore. He says, to a sweeter more beautiful girl i could not say merry christmas, christmas 1977, love roy moore, d. A. , then the date. But his lawyers today held a press conference to announce theyre hiring a handwriting expert to challenge it. They say its a forgery ask they demand that the accusers lawyer turn the actual yearbook over to them, which is ridiculous. Give us that yearbook so we can pay a guy to say our client didnt sign it. 0 dont so we can say youre hiding something. This is the yearbook equivalent of asking o. J. To try on the glove in the courtroom. [ laughter ] one of his lawyers opened his press Conference Today with this. Ive traveled with judge moore all over the state, different states across the nation, ive been with him in probably over 100 different meetings and been around probably in excess of 10,000 different ladies in judge moores presence. And not once, not one time, have i ever seen him act even remotely inappropriate against any woman. Jimmy well, that settles it, i guess. [ laughter ] that is some defense. My client hasnt sexually harassed at least 10,000 women [ laughter ] ive seen it with my own eyes so anyway, after all this, five women, many of them republicans, women from his own party, accuse him of doing all these terrible things to them. When they were children. According to the polls, he could still win. One poll has him leading the democratic challenger by 6 points. Lots of people in alabama are supporting him because were all so conditioned now to root for our team, republican or democrat, we will blindly defend a monster. Its like if you go shopping. Bring this in here. You walk into a store. You say, im looking for a red shirt. I only wear red shirts. But this is the only red shirt available. [ laughter ] okay . Its full of holes, it doesnt its ridiculous, a terrible shirt. But its red. Now theres a blue sweater in there too. But you hate blue, youve never worn blue, no one in your family wears blue, and its a vneck, Something Like that simon cowell would wear. What do you do . Guillermo i dont wear anything. Jimmy ed y ed yoyoud go nak . Guillermo id go naked. Jimmy that wasnt one of the options. Guillermo ill still go naked. Jimmy you might be in a lot of trouble. Guillermo will go naked but everyone else would i dont know. I dont know much about politics, fashion is really my passion, so thats my thing. There you go. There are so many really ridiculous characters running around. You remember Mike Huckabee . The former governor there he is, former governor of arkansas. He ran for president. He also happens to be the father of White House Press secretary [ laughter ] hey, now. I dont think thats allowed in america. And this is some family. Mike huckabee is quite a joker on twitter. Every day he writes these jokes that, i dont know, maybe theyre funnier in person. I think you have to hear them to appreciate them. A few months ago we asked a great comedian, someone who really knows how to deliver a joke, to come on our show to test some of Mike Huckabees actual zingers and it was a smash, our ratings went way through the roof. Here his again, his new comedy on netflix called annihilation. With the tweets of Mike Huckabee, please give a warm welcome to Patton Oswalt [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you oh, boy. Well. It is great to be here. I love public events. Speaking of public events. I was at a public event, and people started taking a knee. I was going to walk out in protest, but my wife told me it was okay, we were at church. [ laughter ] [ rim shot ] you guys watch the news . [ laughter ] speaking of news, cnn claims it knows contents of sealed federal judge order. Cnn usually breaks wind, not news. [ audience moaning ] its a fart joke. Hey youve heard the latest from hollyweird . Yesterdays harvey weinstein, toast of the town. Todays harvey weinstein, toast. [ rim shot ] [ scattered applause ] jimmy one more, just one more, one more. Okay. Oh i got a i got 280, so strap in. Well be on at maria bart bartiromo at 10 00 a. M. Eastern on foxnews to discuss the 33,000 deleted hillary emails i found on thumb drive [ laughter ] in a box of froot loops left in a vacation cottage previously rented by james comey serialkiller. Tip your waitresses, thank you [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Patton Oswalt, everybody. So incredible. Thank you so much. Jimmy Patton Oswalt. We have to take a break. When we come back, the most popular band in the world, so stick around vo you can pass down a subaru forester. dad shes all yours. vo but you get to keep the memories. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. Eve i drop what i do me you are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah boy makes siren noise im watching that. Eew. Every christmas is memorable. But a gift from kay jewelers. Makes it unforgettable. Because its more than a gift, its a memory shell wear forever. Like these fabulous necklaces perfect for layering. Stackable bracelets and other gifts shes sure to love. At kay. The 1 memory maker in america. Every kiss begins with kay. Inside the rack houses every barrel is aged four long years, for a fuller, smoother flavor. Our history is made from the inside. How will you make yours . You know when youve got takeout on your chest, and the blanket around your feet, and then you realize the remote is on the other side of the couch . Just say, hey google, play stranger things. [ominous scifi noise] a little help at home like only google can. Jimmy hi, everyone. Welcome back. Colin farrell, pat oswalt, and music from Bishop Briggs is on the way. We have a new sexiest man alive as determined by people magazine. The honor, drumroll, the honor for sexiest man alive is blake shelton. Sorry, guillermo. Wasnt you this year. Blake shelton is people magazines sexiest man alive for 2017. Show the cover because he looks surprised. [ laughter ] like, really . Huh. But yes, really congratulations to blake. I know hes been wanting this for a long time so thats good news. Hopefully there will be a peaceful transfer of power between blake and last years sexiest man alive, dwayne the rock johnson. Dwayne johnson is being credited for a new fashion trend which is actually an old fashion trend, and that is the fanny pack. Theyre back in style. Although theyre not called fanny packs, theyre now called waist bags. I dont know, sounds like something you would carry when you walk the dog to pick up the but its not waste bags. Theyre the fastestgrowing segment in the mens Accessories Market right now. Some believe it has something to do with this photograph. [ laughter ] of dwayne johnson. That he posted on instagram. This is a photo from the 90s. Strangely the fanny pack is only the fourthmost embarrassing part of this outfit. [ laughter ] but a lot of people think this is what started the new fanny pack craze. I have another theory. I hate to break it to the rock but he did not start this trend. As a matter of fact, i started this trend. At the emmys this year. I wore a fanny much to the horror i my wife, i wore a fanny pack with my tuxedo and i have Video Evidence to prove it. Lets talk fanny pack. Yes, yeah. Jimmy kimmel, camera one pan down, whats inside your fanny pack . Thank you for asking, sam [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats right, its mine, i started something and im claiming it. I believe that wearing a fanny pack is a fashion statement and that statement is, ive given up. [ laughter ] you may have noticed on your way into the theater today, theres a lot of frenzied activity, a lot of excitement outside. Kids have been camped out in line for days because the korean up and down btx [ cheers and applause ] look at this line. Theyre in town for the American Music awards on sunday. And theyre going to play music on our outdoor stage. Bts is very, very popular and we wanted to have fun with that. We went to the line outside and found moms who are waiting in line with their daughters. [ laughter ] we told them, there are a lotoff moms, i dont know what we made up, come inside, we want to know what its like to be the mother of a superfan of bts. We were going to send the band outside but the police and Fire Department and our lawyers said at least 100 would be killed if we did that. [ laughter ] we brought the moms inside and introduced them to the boys in bts. [ audience groaning ] jimmy if you think youre mad wait until the moms of the daughters. Were talking to moms of fans. Can we borrow her for just a minute . Were talking to moms supervisefans of the band, can we talk to you . Here, come with us, i want to talk to you. Its your mom, its your moms. Hi. See your moms . Hi, mom. Where are you . Whoa oh my god hey how you doing . Sucks to be you, honmy jimmy oh, well, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] oh, there they are. Hi. So what happened . Your moms got to see bts and then you guys didnt . Yeah. Jimmy how are you feeling right now . Describe your emotions if you could. A little jealous. Jimmy a little bit jealous, yeah. Did you ask your mom what happened . Yeah. Jimmy are you smelling her to see if they rubbed any bts [ laughter ] are you excited that your moms met bts . Or would you rather they had never met bts at all . No, im really happy. Jimmy you were happy for her, yeah. Did she tell you all about it . Yeah, she did. Jimmy what was your reaction overall . Did you like them . Yes, very nice. Very. Im very excited, very nervous. And very lucky to be the one. Jimmy yeah. I will say [ applause ] you in a way, if you think about it, youre almost as lucky as your daughter is unlucky for not meeting them. [ laughter ] well, thats very exciting for some of you. Thanks to bts, they will be on the American Music awards sunday night, you can see them on our show november 29th. Thank you, ladies. We have music from Bishop Briggs, Patton Oswalt will be back, and well be right back with Colin Farrell so stick around [ cheers and applause ] dicky poergts of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. Kmart. Com. What if Home Security was different . What if it looked different . What if the measure of working, was that you never had to think about it. What if it was so easy to use, you actually used it. [alarm] you have 3 minutes to exit. What if it gave you time, and what you really need from Home Security. A sense of security. Jimmy look at that. Were not heartless. All right, there you go. Tonight, we have a good show for you. The funniest patton in all the world, his new netflix special is called annihilation. Patton oswalt is here with us. [ cheers and applause ] later her song is called dream. Shes here to share that with you, Bishop Briggs from the mercedesbenz stage. Tomorrow night on the show, Tracee Ellis Ross will be here. Frankie shaw will be here. Well have music from manchester orchestra too, please join us for that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a golden globewinning actor and a very popular colin. He calls his latest project the feel bad movie of the year. Its the killing of a sacred deer. Please welcome Colin Farrell. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very good to see you, how you doing . Good. Jimmy are you into kpop . All night long, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] no, when it comes to the obsessive pursuit of pure musical sound youll find me in seoul, korea. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah you got a lot of soul there in korea. Yeah. Jimmy when you were a kid, do you have like any posters on your wall, did you have an idol . I did, i had marilyn monroe. Jimmy marilyn monroe. You like her music . Jimmy probably she was probably dead about, what, about 40 years . She was a bit beyond my reach. Thats the first kind of sign that i was somewhat delusional as a child. Jimmy that you were odd. I used to eat smarties, the european version of m ms. Jimmy we have smarties here, theyre the worst candy in the halloween pack. A clear wrapper, theyre like little pastelcolored are they different . Yeah, yeah, like m ms. Hard candy coating, soft chocolate center. Jimmy no, our smarts we have different smarties. No, no, i wouldnt have left her those smarties. I wouldnt have insulted her spirit. I left her a little note saying, you should dry these, i know youre dead but theyre really good. Jimmy no, you did not. I wouldnt lie to you, swear to god. [ laughter ] thing is id go up and this happened about a week until i got the message that she wasnt going to turn up. I used to get pissed off with her for not what . [ laughter ] judgment in the crowd. Jimmy for not responding . Yeah, id come up and the little handwritten shaky i was 17, 18 . No, i was 7 or 8. Yeah. My feelings were hurt. Jimmy when you heard the song candle in the wind you must have thought, wow, this is my life being sung right to me. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. But it was she was my First Experience of romantic love. I think the thing with her was, she seemed so when i saw her for the first time in some like it hot, she whoo she seemed so as beautiful as she was, as exuberant as she was, as flirtatious as she may have been, there was a sadness that she could never, never hide. As a performer. At 8 or 9, i didnt know i wouldnt have put it in those pretentious words, perhaps. [ laughter ] i think at 8 or 9 i felt it. What was your poster . Wasnt allowed to have po posters. I had a picture of Morgan Fairchild in my drawer. [ laughter ] dynasty, falcon crest . Jimmy yes. Also i loved madonna when i was a kid. When did you pull the picture of Morgan Fairchild out . Jimmy you know, weird thing, it wasnt a sexy picture, just a head shot. Id just sometimes look at it. [ laughter ] i would. And i was embarrassed about it. You know, my mom, if shed seen it why would you be embarrassed . Jimmy because my mothers crazy. [ laughter ] but like she would have teased me about it till like till like last night, really, it would have lasted. Shes known about it, of course its exposed before this . Jimmy no, this is her finding out about it right now. [ laughter ] its not like major. Its not like i am so disappointed in you. Lose my number. Jimmy did you watch those american shows . Yeah. Jimmy im impressed that you knew t. J. Hooker, 18, baywatch, chips. Jimmy thats a good one. Is that your idea of california, chips, watching that show . Yes, chips and baywatch. Jimmy first time you got pulled over you must have been excited. I walked into ralphs and i was like, [ bleep ]. Jimmy you dont have like a supermarket there . I do, but not a ralphs. Jimmy how long have you lived here in the United States . 12 years now. Jimmy 12 years. Do you celebrate like thanksgiving now . Is that something you would do . I would do, id celebrate anything, really, yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy anything . Yeah, yeah. Celebrate coming here. No, any opportunity for friends and family to get together. Jimmy you like holidays . I love christmas. Jimmy will you carve the christmas and do that . Badly, a massacre . When you say you love christmas i love christmas so much. I grew up with christmas in a certain climate. I miss seeing my breath, wrapping up in a scarf and gloves and putting the collar up and stuff. Its hard to have christmas when you can wear shorts on christmas day. [ laughter ] but i ill get the movies, ill stock up, make sure big, goonies, some like it hot, miracle on 34th street, the current carpenters and the brother otter i dont, bing crosby. Jimmy really . Yeah, no, i love it, man. Jimmy you decorate the house and all that stuff . Griswold on it, you know what i mean . I throw up a few lights. Jimmy eggnog . Thats a cultural crossing point that i havent reached. Jimmy you have not. No, ive never. Jimmy its funny, st. Patricks day, correct me if im wrong, is not a big deal in ireland. I mean, its celebrated but its not i never heard of green beer until i got to america. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, that was just us. Who wants to drink green beer . Jimmy were so inventive. Crazy imagination. Jimmy i wonder who came up with the green beer. I have no idea, but if he was irish it was three generations removed. [ laughter ] you have to be longing for something that far away to get that creative. Jimmy have you ever had a green beer . I have never had a green beer. Maybe i shouldnt be so judgmental. Maybe i should be like, shut up, farrell, you havent tried it, you cant talk about it. I get it, im sorry. Jimmy i think youre doing the right thing. Certain things you really have to be careful. I missed that boat anyway. Jimmy elle fanning was here. She was talking about you. You guys were on the set of a movie together. Yeah. Jimmy she said that you have like a phone full of photographs of hamburgers. [ laughter ] and that you drove an hour and a half to get with her just for a specific hamburger. And its true. Jimmy are you a hamburger nut . I love a cheese burger, yeah. Jimmy whats the best hamburger youve ever had . Theres a place called nicks in nicks grill in i think it was kansas . No, it was oklahoma. Jimmy really, nicks grill in oklahoma. Yeah. Was the best burger. Do you know it . [ laughter ] do you know it . Have you had a burger there . Oh, no. [ laughter ] what did you have, the Chicken Nuggets . Jimmy that drives you crazy. The kind of thing that will make you crazy. The best hamburger in the country. Turn the lights off [ laughter ] shes not thog to say jimmy were going to take a break. Colin farrell is with us. The movie is the killing of the sacred deer. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the north face. Introducing the new ventrix jacket the jacket that works when you do. Guess what i just got . Uh i used to be spellbound hello again. 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And get some of our hottest Samsung Galaxy phones also starting at 5 mo. Hurry in while supplies last. For people with hearing loss, works for me. Visit sprintrelay. Com. Its just my eczema again,t. But its fine. Yeah, its fine. You ok . Eczema. Its fine. Hey hi arent you hot . Eczema again . Its fine. I saw something the other day. Eczema exposed. Your eczema could be something called atopic dermatitis, which can be caused by inflammation under your skin. Maybe you should ask your doctor . Go to eczemaexposed. Com to learn more. You do realize were in this situation because of you. So what do you suggest . Tell me. Oh, wait, i know. Ive got it. There is a way we can put a stop to all this. All we need to do is find the tooth of a baby crocodile, the blood of a pigeon, and the pubes of a virgin and burn them all before sunset. Let me see, do we have spare teeth lying around . Teeth, pubes . Let me see. Any here . Tooth, teeth . Jimmy thats Nicole Kidman and Colin Farrell in the killing of a sacred deer. [ cheers and applause ] do you ever feel guilty when youre shooting a movie . How many takes did that take . That destroying the kitchen, people cleaning it up after you . Absolutely feels history ren doesly wrong, yeah. Sometimes i pretend not to see it. Jimmy its extra pressure. Youre like, i just threw stuff all over the floor, all these people without regard for anyone elses time or energy. Three takes. Jimmy three takes . Not bad at all. I think three takes. Jimmy the director of this movie directed you in on twitter, Colin Farrell it was 13 takes. Director, yes. Jimmy which i thought that was a great movie. What is this movie about . [ laughter ] im not ive seen it twice, im not quite sure. [ laughter ] its about as i play a heart surgeon, a cardio thoracic surgeon who loses somebody on his table. And years later, the son of the person comes back to seek revenge because i was drinking perhaps a little bit more than anyone should be drinking, which is a drop is more than anyone should be drinking, performing cardiothoracic surgery. A tale of revenge, a tale of loss and suffering, and im really selling the [ bleep ] out of it. [ laughter ] people are leaving to go and buy their tickets now. Stop, come back jimmy it sounds interesting. You know, its no, its so bleak. [ laughter ] jimmy its bleak . Its bleak. Jimmy what have reactions been to the film . Devise sglif really . Yes. An absolute work of maddening genius. And not worth the film that it was printed on. Jimmy do your friends say, i loved it or i didnt love it . No, my friends will go, geez, man, what was that even about . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Seriously. Again, its probably art and all that, but when are you doing s. W. A. T. 2 . Then i have some friends that just want to talk about it and ask questions about it. The director of the film to be honest with you, i feel, and its of course as many people have said, overused word, i feel he is a genius of sorts in his own way. Hes a very unique filmmaker. So the things that he makes tent to be incredibly provocative. And hes very generous in that he doesnt taint the films with his own ideology or philosophy. He sets forth a very unusual and very kind of upsetting at times set of dynamics and circumstances and lets the audience come to their own conclusions about what is morally or ethically right or wrong. Jimmy is there any possibility he will direct s. W. A. T. 2 . [ laughter ] i dont know, better than that a sequel to this thing, i was depressed bit end of this. Jimmy good, christmas is coming so cheer up. Its going to be okay. Jimmy Colin Farrell, the killing of a sacred deer is in theaters now. Well be right back with Patton Oswalt my office is on my back. The less stuff i have to carry the better. With surface pro, i have one device that does everything. Technology has really changed how i do this job. On pacific rim uprising our characters are 250 ft. Tall. Where in the heck are you gonna land this big robot . Pulled up a satellite image and there is like a giant bullseye, robots here i feel very proud of what i bring to the screen. I have the greatest job in the world. Ive been watching. Now baby. S stack that beef. Lay that swiss whoa. Wrap it up. Oh, a basket instead. Ok. The reuben is back for a limited time at subway. So much reuben. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. 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Getting a bad haircut. Overcrowded trains. Turnstiles that dont turn. And spilling coffee on themselves. But for everyone else, theres directv. For 1 rated Customer Satisfaction over cable, switch to directv. And for a limited time get a 100 reward card. Call 1800directv jimmy we are back. Still to come, Bishop Briggs. Our next guest is one of the funniest people of all with a new standup special to prove it. Annihilation is available right now on netflix. Please welcome Patton Oswalt [ cheers and applause ] jimmy look at you. I was wondering if you were going to change from your standup comedy outfit. I know, yeah. Jimmy to a talk show guest outfit. That outfit, it makes you too confident. You know what i mean . [ laughter ] i wanted a couple of obstacles. Jimmy i was worried some of the women in the audience were going to pounce on you. Oh my god, yeah. The extra puff that the dad jeans gives you, looks like you have four asses . Its just i know. Keep your seats [ laughter ] jimmy i watched your standup special, it was very beautiful and very funny as well. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy theres some very serious stuff it in, i think people know about. It made me cry, i will say. Oh, man, thank you. Jimmy yeah. Yeah, i was very, very nervous doing that. Only because i was afraid that i was going to come out there and either i would freeze it was one of those things where i was not able to get the courage to do it until after i did it. Theres that very famous saying in the movie three kings. You get the courage to do the thing youre afraid to do after you do it. Jimmy interesting. Yeah. Thats what i had to go through. It also helped having goldthwait directing me. Jimmy he used to direct our show. He start observed a lot of young comedians from my generati generation. We would watch his specials, field of warmth, where he would crawl around, be such a lunatic that it gave us the license to try to do that stuff when we were doing these very bland cable shows. I want to go in the audience and set my scrotum on fire theyre like, no, this is evening at the improv. Bob would say, youre not bob goldthwait, stand and up do your job jimmy bobcat uses something he calls the voice. The voice, yes. Jimmy something that comes out of him. No wait, i call it the voice, he doesnt call it the voice. A crazy voice. Hes a mildmannered guy in real life. So mild. At one point we were backstage, one of the biggest laughs in the special is a tag to my jokes. Im doing a bit, theres a little tag line. He gave me that tag line. The day of the special he goes, you know what . You could use this, this little joke would work. He told me the joke. Then my comedian instincts kicked in. I went, do you want to use that . Hes like, no, you idiot, its your joke. I cant use that anywhere, i just gave that to you. Like in my head hes going to reverseengineer a whole bit out of this one great line. Jimmy out of a tag, yeah. It would be like instead of a shirt, he just gave you the tag. Oh, you should wear this. Dude, you should take this tag, man. You could build something. Jimmy congratulations, you got married last weekend. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, yes. Jimmy november 4th i believe was the day. Sunday, november i got married in this suit. [ laughter ] i got married in this suit. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats one of the big differences between men and women. Yeah. Jimmy is that if youve been no woman would wear her Wedding Dress to a talk show. Oh, im getting so much use out of this thing, my god. Its like the best suit ive ever owned. Jimmy were you involved in the wedding . Did you plan the wedding . No. Being a groom is the best. You are basically you are a prop that eats appetizers, thats all you are. [ laughter ] youre just there and they tell you where to go. You go, come over here, pictures. All right. Then you just sort of and then the bride, you know, i married meredith salinger, this amazing actress. She and our wedding planner, it was like watching two people plan a bank heist. They knew every they had every bell mapped out. Jimmy really. It was incredible. And i was just a guy i was the guy in the bank heist that i just put the explosives somewhere. Run in there with the explosives. And then just kind of go in there. Thats all i did. Jimmy how did you and meredith meet . We met online, we met through jimmy tinder . A little tinder, one of my many personas. No, we met because we have a mutual friend. The actress martha plimpton. Jimmy oh, yes, very funny. Awesome. And she threw a dinner party. And i was she invited both of us. Neither of us knew each other, wed never met. Last minute i couldnt go because of some travel stuff. So the next day, because we have all these mutual friends on facebook, meredith sent me a message saying, you missed some amazing lasagna last night, dude. That was on february 28th. We started talking. We didnt meet facetoface until may 20th. Jimmy really, wow. Victorianlike, exchanging letters kind of romance. Every night wed write back and forth about everything. Life, politics. Books. It was all this like we did all of the deep stuff you do after you have the first date. So by the time we met on our first date we were so i was so head over heels. Jimmy was it the word lasagna that got you going . [ laughter ] yeah, it was, lasagna. Jimmy theres something about lasagna carbs [ laughter ] jimmy was your daughter alice the flower girl . She was the flower girl, yeah. She was the little we wanted we said, you can be the flower girl and the ring bearer. She was like, ring bearer is a boys job. In her mind, bringing a ring up, thats boring. She wanted to be throwing petals around. Jimmy yeah, theres more destruction that goes. Exactly, yes. Someone has to clean up her mess. With a ring bearer, no one cleans up after the ring bearer. Its like being Colin Farrell in a movie, really. [ laughter ] it really is. Its very downbeat. Its very grim. You dont want to be the ring bearer, yeah. You know who is whos going to be a ring bearer after anthony cirrus, really. Jimmy by the way hes going to rip me apart for saying anthony circus. Jimmy it was a slip, im sure it will never happen again. But for your wedding, i cant think of anyone who would have i mean, andy sirkis who played gol let me in lord of the rings. I tolled him and said, can i get andy serkis to be our ring bearer . He was traveling. Im sure he said, im not doing that, what am i, doing a Kids Birthday Party at chuck e. Cheese . Although speaking of cred, meredith, her first movie role was this disney movie called the injureny of natty gann. I was remy in ratatouille. We got married at henson studios. Somebody said, natty gann married remy and martha was our officiant, so married by a goony at jim henson studios. It could not be more worldly. [ cheers and applause ] amazing. Jimmy very happy for you and for meredith too. Patton oswalt, his special annihilation is on netflix. Be right back with Bishop Briggs dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. We can now use a blood sample to detect lung cancer. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for asthma. And if we can stop seizures in epilepsy patients with a small pacemaker for the brain, imagine what we can do for multiple sclerosis, even migraines. If we can use patients genes to predict Heart Disease in their families, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jimmy id like to thank Colin Farrell, Patton Oswalt and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time for him. Nightline is next. But first, here with her song dream, Bishop Briggs [ cheers and applause ] crying eyes broken bells beckoned calls no one tells down we go wish me well i dont know where we fell oh i had a dream that you couldnt hear me screaming tried to tell you everything but i wouldnt stop you leaving i wanna wake up where your love is cuz your love is always waking mine i wanna break down where your heart gets so torn its almost breaking mine i wanna lay here lost and bitter so long i feel like i could die i wanna tell you what my truth is but its buried down inside shining light show and tell dont be scared truth is hell down we go wish me well no one knows where we fell oh i had a dream that you couldnt hear me screaming tried to tell you everything but i wouldnt stop you leaving i wanna wake up where your love is cuz your love is always waking mine i wanna break down where your heart gets so torn its almost breaking mine i wanna lay here lost and bitter so long i feel like i could die i wanna tell you what my truth is but its buried down inside they say that secrets make you sick and i should know just promise me that if i tell you you wont go i wanna wake up where your love is cuz your love is always waking mine i wanna break down where your heart gets so torn its almost breaking mine i wanna lay here lost and bitter so long i feel like i could die i wanna tell you what my truth is but its buried down inside its buried down inside this is nightline. Tonight, he too . I was sexually assaulted. Terry crews played the tough guy and musclebound pitchman for old spice. And a cop on brooklyn 99. He says at one Hollywood Party he became a victim of sexual assault. I wake up every morning like, is this a bad dream . Did this really happen . Now opening up to Michael Strahan in an abc news exclusive interview. Why hes filing a criminal complaint against a major hollywood executive. Plus theres a hope thats waiting for you in the dark scars to your beautiful. At just 21 alexia is turning the music world
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