Transcripts For KGO Jimmy Kimmel Live 20171019

Heres jimmy kimmel [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome. Hello, brooklyn. Thank you for coming. Thanks for clapping and standing and all that stuff. Thats very nice. I appreciate it. Welcome, welcome. Sit, sit, relax. Thanks for coming. Thank you for watching at home. In case youre wondering what the hell is happening right now, we are broadcasting all this week from the Howard Gillman opera house from the Brooklyn Academy of music. [ cheers and applause ] im very glad to say that, it would be extremely embarrassing if we hadnt. Its our third night here, its our third time in brooklyn. Weve been here twice before. I love brooklyn but i want to be honest the real reason were here is to get as far out of north koreas missile range as possible. We dont feel safe in l. A. Anymore. This is a big night for baseball around these parts. [ cheers and applause ] and in l. A. Too, and chicago. But tonight in the bronx, the yankees right now are playing the astros in game five of the American League championship series. Apparently the astros are now in the American League, which still doesnt feel right to me. But the yankees, they looked like they were going to get blown out, they were the wild card team. They lost the first two games of the series on the road. Then they had a dramatic comeback, comefrombehind win last night to even things up 22 games, which has everyone so excited their thumbs actually have turned upside down to the reverse way. Oh, you havent been watching the games . Okay, i understand. [ laughter ] it makes sense why youre here. The last time we were here, the mets went to the world series. [ cheers and applause ] let me just Say Something as a mets fan. The yankees may have more world series rings than anyone but theyll never have what the mets have, a mascot with a giant baseball for a head. That belongs to us. [ cheers and applause ] not only was tonight game five of the alcs, the first game of the new nba season for the brooklyn nets. Heres a fun bit of trivia for you. The knicks and the nets, according to las vegas, have the worst odds of winning the title this season of any teams in the nba. The odds are 1,0001. Which means if you were to bet 100 on the knicks or nets you would lose 100. [ laughter ] maybe the knicks and nets are combined teams. Like when two neighboring high schools become too small, or when nathans and Arthur Treachers decide to pair and up share a space, think about it. We have a great show tonight. The powerful and wonderful howard stern is here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] and im going to say for those who have been listening to him know that he is here very reluctantly. Hes been complaining almost nonstop about having to come here tonight. Donald trump was more excited to visit puerto rico than howard stern is to be here tonight. Laugh live but he came anyway. Because he loves you, brooklyn. And he loves brooklyn. [ cheers and applause ] well, actually, he doesnt. He made that very clear on the air this morning. And as is always the case, wherever howard goes, his whack pack follows. [ cheers and applause ] the whack pack look at that. Brett and jarret and marianne. Either that or theres been an escape from the kings borough psychiatric center. Jeff the drunk is here. We have a lot of howard stern fans here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] we decided to conduct an experiment. We sent a camera out to the line where you guys were waiting outside. We wanted to find out how long it would take before someone yelled baba buoy. We asked you guys to welcome me to brooklyn and well, lets find out how long it was before baba got buoyed. Tell jimmy kimmel welcome to brooklyn. Welcome to brooklyn. Welcome to brooklyn. What up, welcome. Welcome to brooklyn. Welcome to brooklyn. Baba buoy jimmy there you go, 8. 19 seconds. All right, so the king of all medias headia is here tonight. Also the leader of the worlds most dangerous band, on loan from thunder bay, ontario, mr. Paul shaffer is here with cleto. Thanks, everybody. The mini residency continues. Its might three of the mini residency. And through the stockholm syndrome is starting to kick in. Jimmy is it really . All is well, though. Jimmy it was fun having you with Dave Letterman last night, i felt like an intruder on my own set. Did you speak to dave following the show snrkts i saw him before the mad. He was a middle mad, he said everybody who used to work for me now works for kimmel, including me. I said, dave, it was just a mini residency, he was okay with that. Jimmy mini residency, make no mistake, paul does not work for me, if anything its the other way around. Mini residency, thanks for having me. Jimmy paul shaffer will be here all this week. Also tonight we have music from a very popular young woman. Cardi b, she is from the bronx. She has the number one song in the country. And no brooklyn show would be complete without my friend guillermo. Where is guillermo . Oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] guillermo hi, everybody jimmy its the statue of libertyquila. Say something patriotic to the people of brooklyn as you welcome them on night three. Guillermo God Bless America [ cheers and applause ] guillermo i love new york i love Brooklyn Jimmy by the way, guillermo is not wearing makeup, this is his natural color after three days here. Weve had a great week so far. Brooklyn is still the only place in the world where you can fy a 15 kambucha and walk outside and step on a rat. Its got that range. The city of new york is only number two when it comes to rats now in the United States. Orkin, the exterminator company, put out a list of the cities with the worst rat infestations, new york finished second to chicago. Chicago is number one ratlike now. Im not sure whether youre from chicago . Orkin made this list based on the number of rodent treatments they do, chicago had the most, which means New York New York is probably still number one, you just learn to live with the rats. Its not that you have few erats, its just that you gave and up started calling them roommates. L. A. Came in third. But we still have the most kardashians. So weve got that going for us. L. A. Also has a rat problem but we call them chihuahuas and carry them around in a 4,000 purse. There is a rivalry between l. A. And new york which we may see exacerbated during the world series. I always enjoy that rivalry. Its fun. To get it going we set up a camera crew on east coast and we ask kids in new york to talk about l. A. And kids in l. A. To talk about new york. And this is what those children had to say. What tune do you think is be new york or l. A. . New york. How come . Because everybody wishes they live in new york. And you dont need to be stuck in a car all day and those stuff. What do you think is better, new york or l. A. . New york. How come . What how come . Were the best city in the world. No explanation. Hands down. Whats better, l. A. Or new york . Im going to say l. A. Because i like l. A. , it has lego land, and it even has my moms sister. My moms brother here. Whats better, new york or l. A. . Definitely new york. How come . Because we dont have the kardashians. [ laughter ] whats the worst thing about new york . People are fat. Why are people so fat in new york . They eat some cakes. What do you think is better, new york or l. A. . New york. How come . Because in l. A. , all they have is just fake food and in new york its real food. Whos in charge of new york . God. Who runs l. A. . I run it my mom runs errands. Me too. My mom too. Whats the capital of new york . Noah case k. . Who owns the city of new york . How should i know . Who drinks more beer, people in new york or l. A. . My mommy and daddy do, every night they drink a lot. Really. People from new york like to get pretty drunk . Yes. Why is that . To to make their feelings go away about bad things. Can you give an impression of someone from l. A. . Hi, how are you . What kinds of things do people in new york say all the time . [ bleep ]. Can you do an impression of someone from l. A. . Im going to go hiking today, yes, sir can you do an impression of someone from l. A. . Oh my god, stacy, i just got my buttlift, oh my god, tracy, i just got my ass extension, oh my god, i just cant believe it. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, kids. We have to take a break. When we come back, we will be back with howard stern jimmy youre a bartender by trade. Obviously the bar part is selfexplanatory. What about the tender part of the job . The tender part of the job is being close to your customers. Got to give everybody a little kiss on the cheek sometimes, you know . Thats when you speak to people and you hear their problems and you tender their feelings. Jimmy are people still coming to bartenders with their problems . Yes, they do. Jimmy they do . Yes, always. Jimmy do you feel you can help them . Not at all but i fake it as much as i can. Jimmy would you rather have a bottle opener pertinently installed in your armpit . Or the ability to dispense club soda out of your nose . Club soda out the nose, just drink it all the time. Jimmy i think thats a good choice. Its just relikelicycling. Im going to go with the bottle opener. Club soda out of my nose, man. Jimmy thats how i feel. Yeah, its disgusting and refreshing at the same time. Jimmy can you spell the word daquiri . Oh, no. Daigrica . I dont know, i dont make them. Go someplace else and have a daquiri. Jimmy can you spell daquiri . No, i can barely spell my own name. Daquri. Jimmy close enough. Daquiri . Jimmy almost, almost, one i short. Really, that sucks. Jimmy what is your stance on the tiny umbrella . I love them. Jimmy love them . Greatest garnish ever invented. Do people still use tiny umbrellas . In l. A. . Not in brooklyn. Jimmy i actually like the tiny umbrella. I think it looks very nice in a pina colada and you can charge a little extra when you put the umbrella in there. I think outdoors it makes more sense than indoors. Jimmy why, its keeping something out of the drink . Its keeping the sun from melting your ice. Jimmy is that why its there . I think thats the purpose of it, yeah. Jimmy do you ever lie to customers so you dont have to make their drink . Every day. Every single day. Constantly. Yes. A lot of times, you know, the blenders not working. Jimmy ah, the blenders not working. Rmts i c i can shake it for you. But they dont want it shaken and i know that. Jimmy whats the most annoying way customers try to get your attention . When they scream yo across the bar, thats the worst. Jimmy yo is no good. They think because theyre from brooklyn they can go yo, yo. Doesnt work. Jimmy is one yo better than two yos . The more the worse. 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Try my first ever ribeye burgers. Introducing fast foods first made with 100 ribeye beef, fresh spring mix and provolone cheese on an artisan potato bun. Yep, nailed it come try my new ribeye burgers. Only at jack in the box. Jimmy hi, there, welcome back to the show. Thats paul shaffer sitting in with cleto and the cletones. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy jimmy as paul mentioned this is part of his mini residency. Paul will go in las vegas with another mini residency at Caesars Palace starting december 31st and going through the new year. Thats a mini residency but this is too. Jimmy later new york native, from the bronx, her single is called bodak yellow. Cardi b from the mercedesbenz stage. Her song has been number one for three weeks. And speaking of number one songs tomorrow night billy joel will be here to chat and to play music and tracy morgan will be here to go nuts. So please join us then. Our first guest tonight is here under protest and i will never hear the end of asking him to come but i did because he is the greatest radio host in history whom you can hear on sirius xm every day. Please welcome the incredible howard stern [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how are you doing . [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you. Jimmy you look fantastic. Thank you, you look great. Frankly, i cant wait for cardi b to get out here, is my segment over yet . Jimmy are you excited for cardi b . Thats why i came tonight, i dont care about jimmy, i like cardi b. [ cheers and applause ] look at that i cant believe paul shaffer is here. My god. Hello, howard. [ applause ] im back. What happened to this guy . I thought after letterman, something, something, some kind of gig, some kind of job would have popped up. Now hes stuck here in brooklyn. Im doing a mini residency. And this poor guy. This poor bastard, cleto, your band leader . Its like paul took over, you dont even see cleto. With his policing. Why would you do that to poor cleto . [ bleep ]. Cleto loves paul. They go back. Theyre going to go back to l. A. , push cleto aside and get questlove, im telling you. I watched you last night. Jimmy you did. Its great to have you in brooklyn. Your supposed home. I am friendly with jimmy, i dont have too many friends, but thats how jimmy got me out here. He says, look, my producer is going to call you. Jimmy yes. Theres no pressure in any of this. Jimmy right. Im going to tell you right now you do not need to do the show. Im just telling you, if you want to do it, you can do it. Hot hell can say no to that . But im done. I want to announce jimmy you could have said no to that. I couldnt because youre such a great guy. Hes such a lovely guy. [ cheers and applause ] i couldnt say no. But i got to tell you. I hate doing talk shows. I know you do, yeah, yeah. Its so unnatural. Everyone evaluates you. How did he do . Was he funny . Did he pull his pants down . Was he farting . He wasnt good enough. It makes my neuroses crazy. Jimmy i know, yes. Listen jimmy now that youre out here, do you feel happy to be here . No i am miserable. I want cardi b to come out. I watched your producer said to me, please watch jimmy with David Letterman. Jimmy okay. Of course i watched last night as all of you did. [ laughter ] and there you said, nothing could be better than having David Letterman on. Jimmy and stevie wonder. And stevie wonder. So i said, why am i coming out . But listen jimmy do you feel any sense of jealousy when i talk about David Letterman . Yeah, well, i do. I feel that i have been a greater influence in your life. But somehow i dont know whether its embarrassment or you get more bang for your buck when you say letterman was your hero. But you got into radio, thats how you got started. I got started in radio. And i was your hero. Jimmy you still are my hero, howard, make no mistake about it. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. But but. The thing of it is, im watching the show last night, youre fawning over dave. Jimmy i love dave. Dave, when you retired, you gave me your neck ties, you sent me all of your neck ties that you wore on the show. Jimmy right. So i brought you a gift. Jimmy oh, you did. I brought you a gift. Thats why i brought out this bag. Jimmy beautifully wrapped. This is all of my dirty laundry. [ laughter ] this is my underwear, my socks, my tshirts, and even my thong. Jimmy wow, what a beautiful gift that is. And you can [ cheers and applause ] can you get that . Jimmy oh, yeah, thats whats it say . Jimmy i heart howard. I love howard. Jimmy i will definitely wear these tonight. You can pick through this, pick your favorites, you can wear them. Whatever you dont use, you send back. Jimmy i will, okay, thank you so much. No neck ties. Jimmy really a wonderful, wonderful gift you have. But this is exciting. Jimmy it is exciting. Its so exciting to be here. Jimmy do you find it easier or harder to talk to somebody . We are friends in real life people dont know this, but jimmy is actually a friend. I dont make friends easily. No, you have no it seems that you dont have any other friends. And he is such a dear friend to me. You and molly, your wife. That weve become like newhart and rickles. Im not sure which one i am. You travel to europe together. No, we travel to my house together. But we do we hang out. Jimmy yes. People imagine what we do. But the truth is, we went blackberry picking. Jimmy thats right. We draw and paint together. Jimmy thats right. People dont know how sensitive we are. Jimmy its like a Senior Center were living in together. Yeah. [ laughter ] jimmy announces to me, this year i want to bring my children. You just had billy. And of course jane, your daughter. He says, im going to bring the kids. And im like, oh [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] i mean, really. I want an adult weekend with you, i dont want the kids. Theyre nice kids but do you want his kids at your house . No. [ laughter ] and i have had the worst luck with other peoples kids. I dont no why but kids see me and they get really scared. Why do you think that is . Its like im frankenstein on the banks of the river. Rrrr so he announces jane is coming. Jimmy my daughter jane, these 3. So like i get nuts about it because i dont want jane in front of my wife being scared of children and scared of me. Jimmy right. Oh, interesting. I work super hard to win your daughter over. Now not only its not even a relaxing vacation for me because jimmys there with the kid and i got to win your kid over. And its just horrible. Its just the worst thing in the world. So i thought so jane walks in, shes looking at me. The kids 2 years old at the time. Shes looking at me like, oh my god, what is this . And i do my standard, i break into the name game. You know the name game . [ cheers and applause ] i go like this. The kids staring at me, i can tell shes on the verge of tears, shes nervous. And i go like this. Jane, would you like to hear a song . Shes like, okay. I go ooh ooooh jane jane banana fanna me mi jane the kid warms up a little bit. Jane, would you like to hear another name . How about your dad . Jimmy jimmy banana fanna me jimmy am i correct . Jimmy thats exactly what happens, yeah. Why my working so hard for this kid . This is my home, my vacation. Jimmy i dont know, i feel like i cant win with you. I feel if i didnt invite you on the show, you would be annoyed i didnt invite you i am announcing my retirement. Jimmy from what . From this show. [ laughter ] jimmy from this show . This is my last appearance on this show, its the end, i do not want to be invited, thank you. Jimmy will you stay through the commercial break, at least, and well continue this . Not only will i stay, because i have to listen to paul. Poor paul, and poor cleto hanging himself. [ laughter ] im going to stay, i would love to be here with you. Im going to tell you the followup song i do for jane. Jimmy yes, i think everybody would love to hear that. Maybe well get some accompaniment. Howard stern is here well be right back. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live in brooklyn are brought to you by smirnoff number 21. The worlds number one vodka. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. You stand out in a crowd. And are pulled together. You follow your own lead and show your strength. Always comfortable in your own skin. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx that one. This. That one. dog panting another 2am stroll, huh . Im worried. I have this medical bill. Dave, you have anthem, and they have people to talk to who are empowered to help answer any question you. dog grunting, panting is. Is he okay . Real people . Living and breathing. Hopefully not breathing like that. For all the things that keep you up at night, Anthem Blue Cross has a solution. Hi, there. Wing back with howard stern. Cardi b is on the way. Howard. Oh my god, and look at jimmy. He grew up in brooklyn. When did you leave brooklyn . Jimmy when i was 9 years old, we moved to las vegas. When you were 9 years. Because nobody thinks of you from brooklyn. I say, jimmys like a carpet bagger, wherever he goes, hes from. Jimmy you grew up in las vegas. Coming from a man who this very morning was talking about his tour of duty in vietnam. [ laughter ] even though you were a teenager when the war essentially ended. It was such a great war. Oh my god. There were no rules of engagement. Jimmy thank you for your service. Oh, youre welcome. Jimmy i do want to say that. I hope no ebb here has stolen valor, i hate that. Jimmy you dont want to steal any valor. I believe your show has never been better than it is, do you agree with that . [ cheers and applause ] yes. I feel very good about the show. As you know shls were on sirius xm radio. I found that to be i found it to be very liberating, getting on satellite radio where its a subscriber service. And all of a sudden you have more time to spread out. Youre able to we interview people and youre able to spent an hour, hour and a half with people. I find it fascinating. I find it very fascinating too. The interviews i think are better than any interviews you see anywhere on television, radio, whatever. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy but i also think that its not just the medium of being on satellite radio, not having to deal with commercials and stuff. You seem to have changed a lot. Especially when we listen i hear the old shows, i think, wow, thats like a really totally different guy. Yeah. Jimmy do you think youve changed . Yeah, i love. I think the most boring broadcasters, and this has always been my philosophy, the most boring broadcasters are the ones that dont evolve, they dont change, they dont change with the times off they dont sort of grow up. I mean, the show i did in my 20s and 30th is way different than what im doing now. Jimmy when ier that that show i wonder if it could even be on the air now. I know back then, certainly you had sponsors pull out, you had trouble with the fcc. But now that was the great part. When i was on regular radio, they call it terrestrial radio. When i was on regular radio, the great thing was youd go on and sex, and sex talk, and outrageousness, was the thing. Because you were breaking all the boundaries. It was taboo. I mean, i got fined by the United States government millions of dollars for saying the word penis. And now penis comes out of my mouth and your mouth so easily. Jimmy yeah, well, sure. [ laughter ] goes in easy too. No, but seriously, it was shocking back then. And the things jimmy lesbians were something that i feel like you introduced to america. I did. And id say [ laughter ] one day lesbianism will rule the television airwaves and thats how people will get ratings. Sure enough it came to pass. To be doing that same show on satellite radio, where you can do anything, nobody cares, would actually be i think a bit of a bore. So i had a sitdown. When i got to satellite i had to figure out what it is i wanted to do with that medium. Its very different than regular radio. I think the show has evolved into something, you know its still wacky, its still outrageous, we still talk about anything. But jimmy the guests you get now. On occasion youd get alist guests in the past. You had robert plant on this morning from led zeppelin. Yes. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy somebody that i know you love. Robert plant i idolize. When i was a kid, believe it or not, you look at me, this guys a male model, hes so goodlooking, but i was not. In high school i was not that attractive. Jimmy i find it impossible to believe but go on. Ive evolved into these looks. But robert plant to me was like a god. And i would spend, again i would spend time in my room sitting there, listening to led zeppelin and robert plant and the beatles and the stones. And i just loved music. Jimmy you asked him a great question this morning. You asked him if hes ever made love or had sex to his own mu c music. And of course he looked at me and said, who are you . He didnt answer it, exactly. Jimmy have you ever had sex listening to your own radio show . [ laughter ] yes. After i tie my wife up, we no. That would be a big mistake. Actually, ive never been able to get a woman in bed unless the radio shows on. Jimmy you said something on the air a couple of weeks ago and i made note of it because i felt like it needed followup. You said your wife beth has never seen you naked when you are i was talking about the Harvey Weinstein anybody here of this guy Harvey Weinstein . Its unbelievable. When did this guy have time to make movies . I dont know. [ cheers and applause ] i thought moviemaking was hard, come on. No, but this guy. Its an unbelievable story. And i said, all these guys who do sexual harassment, i mean, theyre freaks. This big fat guy, what does he think . He says to a woman, heres his standard move according to all these women. He goes, listen, im going to get in the shower, i want you to watch me nude. Now, im a man. If you saw me naked, youd throw up. [ laughter ] there is no girl on the planet that wants to see Harvey Weinstein naked and is going to get aroused. If i was Harvey Weinstein id wear a burqa and say, you dont have to look at me. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] who puts this the logic together, right . Think about it. Imagine me naked. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy. Jimmy yes. Same with this bill oreilly. You know who he unless is . They threw him out of fox. Im going to come over and get in the shower. What is with these guys in the shower . Men dont look good in the shower. Its the same with this anthony weiner. Jimmy oh, yes. Which his name is its unbelievable, this guy. What does he do . Hes sectioning and hes sending pick tours of his penis. The one thing women dont want to see is a guys penis. They want to see youve got a job. They want to see you treat them nice. [ cheers and applause ] right if right . Guillermo youre right. If i sent a woman a picture of your penis, you think shed go to bed with you . Guillermo never. If you saw my penis, which you havent yet jimmy we will. Lets take a break and when we come back well see howards penis. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live in brooklyn are brought to you by smirnoff number 21. The worlds number one vodka. Oh, you yeah ht butch. butch growls at man hes looking at me right now, isnt he . 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I mean i always spell your name right. Seriously, take me, i cant listen to this playlist any longer. Im thinking mexico, and im a quick packer. Were back. Were having a great deal of fun with howard stern who you can hear every morning on sirius xh radio. Did any of my relatives bother you tonight . This is some show. Ive never seen a show with such nepotism. Thats got to be against the law. Your moms usually here. Jimmy i my parents are both here. Your parents are here, theres a cousin who work on this the show. Jimmy my son works here. The son works here. Jimmy two cousins. Is cleto somehow related . And i said, look, im coming here under protest. But do me a favor, keep your family out of my dressing room. They come in theyre taking selfies, theyre doing all this kind of stuff. Im like what kind of show is this . Leave me alone, im not here its like jimmys bar mitzvah or something going on. Jimmy i never had one. Its a fun vibe. Just leave me alone. Jimmy do you have fun . No. I never have fun. Jimmy what would you be doing tonight right now if you werent here . Id probably be well, i shouldnt even say this. You ever hear this uporn . [ laughter ] you on that . Jimmy i havent heard of it. Paul, you on that . Whats better than a doob and uporn . Thats how you spend an evening. I go on there, i watch such weird porn. Im really not into these things. Jimmy what kind of stuff are you into . I watch babysitter porn. A woman comes over to babysit, the next thing she knows shes with the dad. Its tough. Im not even interested in that in real life. But suddenly im watching it. You know, i figured by this age i wouldnt be doing this kind of thing anymore, maybe id grow up. Jimmy it hasnt tailed off at all . No, its increasing. [ laughter ] a theshl thing, i dont understand why. Jimmy is your wife beth around . My wife beth is fantastic, i have a fabulous sex life. [ cheers and applause ] there she is. There she is. Jimmy there she is. That poor woman. Only in america. You know, people say, why go into radio . Its the only way id ever get near a woman like that. Jimmy or even near a woman. Or near a woman for that matter. No, i love her very much. Jimmy would you be interested in a scenario where beth does some kind of babysitting . No, i dont want any of that. I dont want any weirdness. Im not into anything pervc in my life. Ive got three daughters. Im trying to be an upstanding guy. Whats so funny . Im trying to make them proud. Jimmy are they proud . Of course theyre proud, who wouldnt be proud of this . [ cheers and applause ] are you crazy . Jimmy right. I was fart man at the mtv awards. Youre still fart man in all of our hearts. Thank you very much. I want to wish you luck. I can sense things are ending. Dime for cardi b. Jimmy things are ending. I appreciate you being here. I think your last performance on the show was a great performance next year what are you going to ask me to do . Jimmy next year, yes, im going to ask you you should not, im begging you. Jimmy i should not ask you . Should i tell you im coming to town . Dont ask me, dont tell me, ill continue to be your best friend. Jimmy ill wear your underwear every night, put on your underwear and daves tie and have a party by myself. Youve got a beautiful audience here in brooklyn and everybody behave themselves. Jimmy we all appreciate you coming. Howard stern, everybody. Sirius xm radio. Well be right back [ more more more by th more, more, more how do you like it how do you like it more, more, more how do you like it how do you like it how do you like it more, more, more the amazing new iphone 8 is at at t. And we know youll love it. Because we know you want more. More great camera features and more power. And more than just unlimited data, we give you unlimited plans with hbo included for life. Because you deserve more entertainment. And more spokespeople. Talking like this, saying the word more. At t. Its time for more. Am i too close . I feel like im too close. Get the iphone 8 and with all at t unlimited plans, get hbo for life. Only from at t. With incredible flavors, like new Nashville Hot shrimp crispy, spicy, and drizzled with sweet amber honey. Plus the delicious classics you love, like garlic shrimp scampi. Try all the shrimp you want, however you want em. But hurry, it ends soon. The autumn carved turkey is back for a limited time at subway. So much turkey. Kyle, we talked about this. Theres no monsters. But you said theyd be watching us all the time. No, no. No, honey, we meant that progressive would be protecting us 24 7. We just bundled home and auto and saved money. Thats nothing to be afraid of. But good night, kyle. [ switch clicks, door closes ] i told you i was just checking the wiring in here, kyle. Hes never like this. I think somethings going on at school. [ sighs ] hes not engaging. Dicky music in brooklyn on Jimmy Kimmel Live is brought to you by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jimmy all right, it is music time. We have a special visitor from the bronx. Here with the song bodak yellow cardi b make some noise for cardi b if youre at home turn the radios up, rocking for cardi b said lil you cant with me if you wanted to these expensive these is red bottoms these is bloody shoes hit the store i can get em both i dont wanna choose and im quick cut a off so dont get comfortable look i dont dance now i make money moves say i dont gotta dance i make money move if i see you and i dont speak that means i dont with you im a boss you a worker i make bloody move now she say she gon do what to who lets find out and see cardi b you know where im at you know where i be you in the club just to party im there i get paid a fee i be in and out them banks so much i know theyre tired of me honestly dont give a bout who aint fond of me s in six months what working as hard as me i dont bother dont let these they see pictures they say goals im who they tryna be look i might just chill in some bape i might just chill with your boo i might just feel on your babe my feel like a lake he wanna swim with his face im like okay ill let him get what he want he buy me Yves Saint Laurent and the new whip when i go fast as a horse i got the trunk in the front im the hottest in the street know you prolly heard of me got a bag and fixed my teeth know it aint cheap and i pay my mama bills i aint got no time to chill be mad at me their baby father run a bill said lil you cant with me if you wanted to these expensive these is red bottoms these is bloody shoes hit the store i can get em both i dont wanna choose and im quick cut a off so dont get comfortable look i dont dance now i make money moves say i dont gotta dance i make money move if i see you and i dont speak that means i dont with you im a boss you a worker i make bloody moves if you a you get popped you a groupie you a opp dont you come around my way you cant hang around my block and i just checked my accounts turns out im rich im rich im rich i put my hand above my hip i bet you dip he dip she dip i say i get the money and go this is hot like a stove my glitter as gold tell that lil play her role i just arove in a rolls i just came up in a wraith i need to fill up the tank no i need to fill up the safe i need to let all these know that none of their is safe i go to dinner and steak only the real can relate i used to live in the ps now its a crib with a gate rollie got charms look like frosted flakes had to let these know just in case these i just run and check the mail another check from mona scott said lil you cant with me if you wanted to these expensive these is red bottoms these is bloody shoes hit the store i can get em both i dont wanna choose and im quick cut a off so dont get comfortable look i dont dance now i make money moves say i dont gotta dance i make money move if i see you and i dont speak that means i dont with you im a boss you a worker i make bloody move whats up cardi b whats happening with you . [ cheers and applause ] dont i look like a piece of meatloaf . Dicky music in brooklyn on Jimmy Kimmel Live brought to you by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. We can now repair complex at saortic aneurysmsare, without invasive surgery. If we can do that, imagine what we can do for varicose veins. And if we can precisely treat eye cancer with minimal damage to the rest of the eye, imagine what we can do for glaucoma, even cataracts. If we can use dna to diagnose the rarest of diseases, imagine what we can do for the conditions that affect us all. Imagine what we can do for you. Jack this ridiculously long table in the middle of nowhere . Jack to invite all my friends in the industry to try this. Jack fast foods first ever ribeye burger. Jack made with 100 ribeye beef, grilled onions, a red wine glaze and creamy havarti cheese. Jack ahh, here comes the competition now. Jack and of course, since they work for my competitors, ive obscured their identities jack except for this guy. Jack he is so screwed. Jack try my new havarti grilled onion and allamerican ribeye burgers. Jimmy how about that cardi b, that was very well done. Oh, well thank you very much, baby. Jimmy now didnt you guys practice that . Or was that totally off the cuff . Well, you know, we did this performance like a hundred times. I think we got it down pat now, you know what im saying . If. Jimmy i know what youre saying. The hometown crowd loved it. Thank you, cardi b. Thank you howard stern. Thanks to mr. Paul shaffer, mike piazza, thank you. Apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. Nightline is next, thanks for watching, good night this is nightline. Tonight, brave women everywhere breaking their silence about sexual assault, and now the olympic Gold Medalist Michaela Maroney saying me too, claiming she was sexually abused by her team usa doctor for years, pointing to a man now in prison for other sex crimes and facing accusations from over 100 young women. Former gymnastics stars speaking out. He was in my room late at night, giving me treatment in my own bed. Plus, paradise lost. People are short of food, theyre short of electricity. We are on the ground in dominica, the caribbean country that suffered the highest death toll per capita in hurricane maria. This used to be what youd ca