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Following the PM’s example, I have refused to attend two work meetings and a tax audit in case someone tries to talk to me about the Elgin Marbles. But while Rishi takes a bold stand against one foreigner, the leader of Greece, eagle-eyes have noticed him letting many others into the country: over 700,000 last year, despite a pledge made by the Tories in 1066 to bring migration down. So, Yvette Cooper draped herself in a Union flag and marched to the Commons to demand an explanation.

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