Threats. Threats. Well. Grant shapps also apologised to Armed Forces Personnel whose names, addresses and bank details were potentially compromised in the. In the hack, its understood 272,000 people may have been affected. He set out an eight point plan to support them and announced a full investigation. Meanwhile, though beijing has strongly denied reports it was behind the hack, saying the accusations are completely fabricated. John swinney says fabricated. John swinney says that hes over the moon to have been voted in as scottish parliaments choice to be the next first minister. He was backed by 64 of his colleagues and his name will now be submitted to the king. He replaces humza yousaf, who sent his own official letter to king charles earlier confirming he was stepping down. Speaking from the front bench for the final time in that role, mr yousaf said today his heart would forever belong to scotland next to worcester, where a woman has admitted today to being part of admitted today to being part of a global monkey torture network. Holly legresley posted more than 130 videos and 20 photos of the animals being tortured to online chat groups. The 37 year old pleaded guilty to separate charges of publishing obscene articles and encouraging animal cruelty. She was charged along with another woman after an investigation into animal torture in the us. A judge has indefinitely postponed Donald Trumps trial over claims he illegally kept classified documents after leaving office. It had previously been scheduled to begin in just under two weeks in florida. This decision has been made due to still unresolved issues, the judge says. In unresolved issues, the judge says. In the case and because the former president is currently attending a separate trial in new york over hush money allegations, he denies all the charges against him. Thats the charges against him. Thats the charges against him. Thats the latest from the newsroom. More to come with headliners next until then, you can sign up to gb news alerts by scanning the qr code on your screen, or go to gb news. Common alerts. Hello and welcome to headliners. Im simon evans , also known im simon evans, also known as the second sting. Joining me to assess the worthiness of wednesdays newspapers and the brains and brawn of the uk comedy circuit, leo kearse and steve allen. Leo kearse and steve allen. Ill leave it up to our audience to determine, although youve got the box on your shoulders tonight, steve. Thats true. Yeah, its wind. Thats true. Yeah, its wind. Were gonna have to try and, tough it out in the in the first, advertisement break. I think therell be a few physical challenges. In the meantime, lets have a quick look at the front pages. We have the daily mail, harrys reunion. Hope is mail, harrys reunion. Hope is dashed. Thats obviously the most important story in britain today. Telegraph children must show id to use social media. Sure, thatll work. Guardian. Garrick club members to vote lift 193 year ban on women joining. A clever form of words joining. A clever form of words has been unleashed. The times britain leads charge to keep young safe online and the express myth migrants boost economy must be busted. And economy must be busted. And finally, the daily star warning this sunny will shrink your brain. Those were your front pages. Brain. Those were your front pages. So a brain. Those were your front pages. So a refreshing brain. Those were your front pages. So a refreshing lack of pages. So a refreshing lack of consensus as to what matters in britain today. Yeah first up, yes, the times has a picture of putin and has the story about onune putin and has the story about Online Safety for young people that were going to cover later. But i think the big story here is Stormy Daniels has been testifying in the trial of donald j. Trump , the former and next trump, the former and next president of the United States of america. 4547. Yeah. And she said , she said she agreed to said, she said she agreed to take the hush money deal. The 130,000 for safety. She was she says she was threatened in a car park after, after the story came out. So, you know, she she took the money for safety. And not because she likes having 130,000. Im sure that had nothing to do with it whatsoever. She also described being startled by the sexual encounter. You might want to grab a cold drink. This is going to get pretty steamy. So she said my hands were shaking so hard its probably why he paid extra and i was having a hard time getting dressed. And, you know, she says she went to have dinner with them and, you know , dinner with them and, you know, the hotel room at two in the morning or whatever, and was shocked when he emerged in a bathrobe, you know, all this kind of stuff. You know why shes calling stormy . Do you think . Possibly shes all shaking and flustered and her clothes were everywhere . Yeah, possibly. So, yeah , yeah, possibly. So, yeah, apparently trump was wearing silk or satin pyjamas that she made fun of, and, and as good as the clinton trial, we got specific , like, like, specific, like, like, distortions in the president ial member were discussed. Yeah. Yeah. Its like michael jackson. Its like michael jackson. Its like if youve got a specific, like, weird thing about your nether regions, youre not going to get away with it , but i youre not going to get away with it, but i mean, like that chap standing on the front page in fact, the one that putin is walking up to. Yeah, yeah, its interesting, its interesting you mentioned the democrats because of course , the democrats because of course, these are pretty much overblown, trumped up charges. Theyve taken a pretty, you know, minor misdemeanour charge and turned it into a felony by saying, oh, this this means its campaign, its election influence or whatever it is. And previously, democrats have been have been accused of the same thing and not been subject to these same rules of trump and the charges up, no pun intended, into into a felony. So john edwards, for example, paid nearly 1 million to make a, make a story go away when he was running for president. And clinton, of course , paid paula jones. He course, paid paula jones. He paid her loads of money. Yeah. And got a much worse deal. Obviously, donald trump is the master of the deal. And of course he had been having, illicit sexual liaison with various women while he was in office. Anyone this sort of stuff is predates the whole, you know, trumps entry into politics. Anyone he could grab hollywood, you know . Mentch. Yeah. I mean, this story actually is just all of the details from the film that shes got. I watched it the other day. I was watched it the other day. I was searching for a Stormy Daniels film, ended up with the documentary. So yeah, but it was documentary. So yeah, but it was interesting to even she doesnt say like shes not complaining about the sexual encounter. It was consensual. And she, you know, didnt particularly like it. And then she did point out some member details when she was on jemmy kimmel. And theres part of the outcome from todays trial is that they were asking her if she hates donald trump, and she said, yes, she does. And the then youre the implication is then youre not witness you not really a good witness if you hate why she hate him. I understand why she hates you hates him, though. So if you watch she watch the documentary, she thought he broke the nondisclosure agreement first, therefore on kimmel. He therefore went on kimmel. He sued and he is still now owed by her. I think its 600,000. So she received 130 in hush money and now owes 600. No, i mean, youd hate it, wouldnt you . Yeah. Its true. Its true. Its true. So it has to be said like prostitutes to the president is one of the few services where you get rated rather than the do you get rated rather than the do you want i mean, rather than the customer. Its like, well, theres probably a trip advisor thing. Uber ubers the other one, isnt it . Where as a customer you can get a bad rating, but normally thats just in a one way. But the documentary is fascinating because she ends up having a relationship with the guy making the documentary, and it shows her incentive. It shows her incentive. I mean, yeah, that casts a reputation in some special making friends. Weve got the express there, steve, front page of the express has, myth migrants boost economy must be busted. This is Senior Tories demanding that rishi sunak , gets rid of this liberal sunak, gets rid of this liberal immigration rules, claiming that its a myth that migration boosts britains economy or the economic growth. This is one of those where you need the nuance and nuance is boring and everyone hates it because it includes a bit of the other side that they dont like. Migration does boost gdp as a total. Yeah, its not necessarily always great for gdp per capita and is not necessarily great beyond just shy of one generation. There was a whole documentary thing on youtube which i voiced, which is great, about canada, how they were chasing bigger gdp. So you get lots of immigration. It is true your gdp goes up, but just shy of a generation later, the resources required by the nation then goes up as well. So its a short term fix. But what theyre not doing here, what bothers me in this story, theyre not pointing out that the tories know this , that that the tories know this, that it does have a boost. And they 90, it does have a boost. And they go, oh, we want to stop immigration coming in, and we want to boast about the gdp whilst pretending were stopping immigration. Yes, theyve been lying for decades, havent they. Thats the problem. And youre absolutely right. Of course. The i mean, i remember people talking about the pension black hole in the 80s. We knew it was coming. Yes. No, no no shock. And it sort of went quiet. Theyre like well wonder what theyre going to do about it then. And then you find out thats what theyre going to do about it. And its a very short term solution, because if all the people, all the immigrants, were to go back to their country of origin to retire, that would be one thing. But that isnt going to happen, is it . Yeah. Yeah. No, absolutely. And also, were were told that our economy is like a ponzi scheme and we need to bring people in at the bottom to sustain the, you know, the retirees and just the fat , lazy british people at the fat, lazy british people at the fat, lazy british people at the top. But were not bringing people in at the bottom. Were bringing people up in at the top that need to be there, dependent on the state. And theyre bringing their families and theyre bringing their friends and all the rest of it. And the studies in denmark showed, and other European Countries showed the immigrants dont contribute as much to the, to the nations coffers as they as they take out. However, i temper that by saying, you know, they take low paid jobs sometimes that then free up other people to do more productive work. So in theory, yeah. So even though, yeah , even yeah. So even though, yeah, even though, you know, they might not be contributing as much to the coffers , you know, their coffers, you know, their presence might be contributing. So, i mean, there is a balance in nuance that reminds me of, douglas adams, line about, shopping at airports where, you know, because they dont pay pay duty or tax on the goods, they can afford to sell things at lower prices than you would pay on the high street. But they dont. Anyway, lets but they dont. Anyway, lets have a look at the telegraph. Have a look at the telegraph. So the telegraph, lead with children must show id to use social media. So under 13 will be kicked off social media platforms. Its ofcom unveils platforms. Its ofcom unveils bolstered age checks. So theyre bolstered age checks. So theyre going to require children to show. And i guess the adults as show. And i guess the adults as well to show photo id such as passports. Its like going to passports. Its like going to vote in britain now. To identify, the age of people and stop children using these sites because there have been a number of, the sort of rising harm to children thats been identified, not just the sort of high profile suicides and, you know, self harm , you know, cutting and self harm, you know, cutting and things like that. And but the algorithm just messes with young, pliable minds. Yeah, and at least the depression , at least the depression, Attention Span shortages and bullying. So the, the technology bullying. So the, the Technology Secretary says the government would no longer tolerate a wild west where children are force fed violence and pornography abuse and harmful content online. I think that paragraph paragraph should probably have an age verification check. And thats pretty wild stuff. I know we had a look at a thing , only a few days ago where thing, only a few days ago where it had been demonstrated that not not allowing smartphones at all into school tended to raise everyone by about one grade per gcse, which is an extraordinary impact. I mean, if there were any other intervention that such low cost you would, you would say absolutely no brainer. And yet many schools dont do this, and the Physics Department can surely turn the school into a faraday cage. Solve it like that. Yeah. No ones clever enough to work it out at the moment. But i agree with this because looking at it the other way, like it is an aduu the other way, like it is an Adult Service twitter x, you can post a naked picture. Yeah. And you cant. Its like legally youre allowed to. But then you need to be careful about who can see it. In the need to be careful about who can see it. In the same need to be careful about who can see it. In the same way need to be careful about who can see it. In the same way youre legally allowed to get naked in a wetherspoon. And also, as you say, as you suggested, though, its i think its at least as much to do with Attention Spans and boredom as school is boring. I mean, its school is boring. I mean, its always been boring. Homework is boring. Writing essays , you boring. Writing essays, you know, any amount of concentration is hard work. Its so easy to get derailed in those circumstances. But thats the point of doing it, isnt it . Yeah. If you dont practice your ability to focus at that age. Oh exactly. Right. Yes. Im not. No. Ive been youve got to take the phones away. If they have the opportunity to go on social media at that point, or if their brains have been wired by social media to have something flitting through you the whole time. I struggle now to read, like , more than 2 or to read, like, more than 2 or 3 pagesin to read, like, more than 2 or 3 pages in a book without feeling that twitchiness in your fingers. Yeah, and also like making a video or something. Ill go to twitter to get a video or to put in or to check a quote or something. And then within 10s youve completely forgotten what youve completely forgotten what you went there for and youre arguing with somebody about gerbils or something. Itsjust gerbils or something. Its just yeah, finally, the star very quickly, daily star warning this ohni will shrink your brain. Spoilsport. Boffins say that too much meat will shrink your brain. Theyve picked specifically here. The bacon sandwich. Probably to somehow make the situation in the middle east even more confusing , but east even more confusing, but yeah. Eating. Whod have thought eating a lot of meat makes your brain smaller . Lets just remind that the next time louis schaefer. Schaefer. He must be fuming. Those are the front pages dealt with in the front pages dealt with in the next section. Prison overcrowding. Chinese data breaches , sectarian voting breaches, sectarian voting blocs. Will we make it through the commercial break even . Lets hope and welcome back to headliner. So, leo, we have bad news in the times now about prison overcrowding. I cant help wondering if weve been a bit too hasty to demand that trans women be put in these male prisons. It seems like theres maybe not enough room for them. Yeah, yeah, so, yeah, apparently fewer saw some prisoners will be freed up to 70 days early after ministers quietly extended an emergency Early Release scheme to alleviate the prison overcrowding crisis. Weve got fewer than 1400 Spaces Available in adult prisons across england and wales, which sounds like a lot, but weve got a lot of, a lot, but weve got a lot of, a lot of criminals here. And obviously this, you know, reduces the deterrent. If peoples sentences are being shortened and theres less of a deterrent to i suppose it depends what youre knocking 70 days off. If youre knocking 70 days off a ten year stretch, no big deal off a ten year stretch, no big deal. If youre knocking 70 days off a 75 days. Yeah yeah, it cant be days. Its only on short terms, though. Actually, this is one of the details of it that you have to be kind of non violent or not a terrorist, not a sex crime. A terrorist, not a sex crime. Yeah. And relatively short term. So actually it is a big slice. It is getting out. So actually they will be. Yeah theyll be taking them off the top. I mean i dont know is there any benefit in prison anyway. Its i there any benefit in prison anyway. Its i mean it seems very, disputable whether it actually anyone emerges any safer or. Well, no, but at least theyre in prison for a while. Yeah. Buchele has shown in el salvador that if you take all the bad people and put them in prison , all the crime goes away. Prison, all the crime goes away. Its an amazing idea. Yeah, im still up. I think castration is the way. Surely it solved the word of the women got cheaper. Way. Surely it solved the word of the women got cheaper. They of the women got cheaper. They get the option. You can have a ten year stretch. You can even do it chemically, like they did with kira rudik. The castration with your labrador. Labrador. They put a little chip is a great reference, but you go to your labrador. Brilliant. I think the more worrying thing about this is the ministry of justice just hid the details. Even when they were asked about how many have been released, i dont know. Yeah. And they were accused of suppressing the story. A spokesperson, when asked about it, said, look at that and then ran off. So they are just hiding this. Oh well, well see if it, presents an uptick in crime. The independent steve, they are becoming increasingly hard to declaring war on china now, or at least maybe slowing down our relentless import of pointless plastic knickknacks we really cant live without. At 3 am, the mod cyber attack three week hacking operation by china in quote marks exposed details of 270,000 Armed Forces Personnel. Its unclear whether the Intelligence Corps members are among them. That would be embarrassing. Surely if you work in intelligence, you should be harder to hack. I mean, i know previously some of these hacks have been down to the situation of having your password be password. Youve got to hope thats changed with the with the oo. Changed with the with the 00. Yeah yeah yeah. Which one at the end of it. Thatil foxham, so i mean, i suppose its not actually that embarrassing because if youre going to be hacked by anyway, being hacked by a nation that kind of looks like its good at it. Yeah. Shes not i mean, and they also made all the stuff my router at home is huawei. So theres a theres a non zero chance that this hacking happened from my home address because they could probably just tap into this stuff. It was much better when the cold war was with russia, wasnt it, because they would just get angry and kick the computerjust angry and kick the computer just like we would. We wouldnt have understood one another, but theyre looking for bank details. The theory is trying to find someone who might be, you know, poor and therefore willing to be coerced for money. Thats everyone these days. Its someone who drives, like filling up the tank means im probably available to do stuff for china if theyre willing to pay my fuel costs. But, the defence secretary, grant grant shapps , secretary, grant grant shapps, he briefed the commons but has not actually said its china. And thats probably because if anyone has some compromising material on the internet, its grant shapps, isnt it . Even we know that hes used five different names for different businesses and were on his side. So they must know some stuff. Yeah. The one that was selling herbal weight loss dnnks selling herbal weight loss drinks or whatever it was. Yeah, i like this paragraph. I cant work out if its a typo. It says the trail so far goes back to hacking groups. And although they have acted on behalf of the beijing regime, Security Officials point out that it could take months to establish a direct link. Not not though they may have, but they have the independence quite confident about that. Yeah. Well theyve theyve acted in other other hacking done for the regime. This hacking might be i see right. Okay. So they have theyve got form as hacking for the regime among other clients. But hacking the uk ministry of defence might just be a little side project. Maybe were being clever. Do you remember the spy who came in from the cold . Where is it . Alex luhrmann . Something like that. He has to pretend to have fallen out of favour to get sacked and become an alcoholic. And then the stasi come from him and lure him in as a double agent. And thats how he gets him. Yeah. This might be what theyre doing with the with the Bank Accounts theyve been underpaying all of theyve been underpaying all of the Defence Staff for 20 years, knowing that theyll now appear vulnerable. The chinese will vulnerable. The chinese will overcommit and weve got them. Yes. Were not that clever. Were not that clever. Well, its interesting, its interesting. This core function of our defence, which is Cyber Security is failing, whereas a bit the right chevrons and their pride flags, you know what i mean . Theyre just their focus is on the wrong thing at the moment. Yeah. They have said the special forces are safe at least. Anyway, they all live in hereford , if that helps china hereford, if that helps china money to the usual address, conservative psyop to make brits think that labour is a trojan horse full of islamic terrorists continues apace. This is in the mail. So theres this fringe group called muslim vote. I think it called muslim vote. I think it stands for muslim voters. Its handed keir starmer to a list of 18 dangerous. Thats their words. Demands before it stops the campaign to unseat labour mps. These include allowing mps. These include allowing islamic prayer in schools and a pubuc islamic prayer in schools and a Public Sector boycott of israel. Im not sure why were why our pubuc im not sure why were why our Public Sector is going to israel and, you know, collecting the bins over there. And they also want keir to apologise for green lighting the gaza genocide. So theyve suggested they could target 55 mps who have failed to call for a permanent ceasefire in gaza. And this comes just after labour lost control of Oldham Council in last weeks local elections. And there were 40, councillors elected purely based on their gaza stance, which is pretty crazy. All through the green party. All through the green party. Right . This is most of the ones, the high profile ones. There are some green party ones. There are also independents and also George Galloways party as well, of course. Yes. What are they called . Respect. They still called respect. Theyre now workers. Theyre now workers. Workers party. Workers party. Theyre called global jihad. Theyre called global jihad. No, it is extraordinary , no, it is extraordinary, isnt it . Theyre all marching around wearing these skin suits. You know that used to belong to different recognisable identities. I think some green voters had obviously no idea because they just turn up and 90, because they just turn up and go, oh, im just going to i like green. Yeah, im gonna go. I dont recognise the name, but it used to be the soft and fluffy one, isnt it . And then they saw the clips and i still like this because its quite diverse. Theres bound to be happy. Theres bound to be happy. But i will say, like in the defence of the people of the clips , if a demographic in the clips, if a demographic in the uk is voting successfully in a bloc because they have a community where they can say, get out there and vote, theyve just done voting, well, yeah, we all need to vote in the same way. Stop being so apathetic. Lets get votes. We all need to vote, but we dont need to vote in blocks where you can, where youre basically under some degree of coercion to give your vote to that. If you all genuinely feel thats the only issue that youre concerned with in electing a mayor in oldham is gaza. Yeah. But then youre entitled to use that, that metric to decide on your candidate. But its not really a very its not a very functional way for a western democracy to work. It goes back much more to more primitive systems , which, more primitive systems, which, you know, the abolition of cousin marriage under the Catholic Church in the early ninth century sort of pretty much eliminated. And we have much eliminated. And we have probably had the better civilisation of the two as result. Yeah. Well, youd hope that this would be a wake up call for everybody whos like, you know, oh, should we or should we not, you know, bring in huge numbers of people from, from, you know, these, these places, but it obviously wont be. And were doomed to, you know, were eventually going to be lebanon, and then were going to be iran after that. So we have lasted much longer than iran did since the 60s. We saw those photos , the we saw those photos, the iranian women in their short skirts, they have bailey 15 years, times now. Steven to no ones great surprise, the noble lie is still being lived by the bbc for fear of looking mean. Bbc journalist fear being called racist in migration reports. The claim is these reports. The claim is these journalists have been shying away from covering certain details of stories, covering certain stories because they dont want to be called racist for airing a certain view on air. And youd think that they might have lived long enough to realise youre going to get called racist anyway. Have you seen the world in which we live . Maths is racist, the countryside is racist. Like spelling maths is racist, the countryside is racist. Like spelling is probably racist. There is. If thats racist, you aint going to get away from the accusation. Dont you feel though . Its actually been quite encouraging, actually, in a way, since the trouble broke out in the middle east last october that there are different kinds of racism because all the racism was basically we were the racist, right . White men were the racist. But now theres a kind of internecine racism going on within newsrooms where its a little bit less, less obvious which way you can go. People still think youre a racist. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, definitely. You still do it. But so theyve done this report and i thought, this is the thing thats got to annoy probably simon. But im going to say it, the theyve really highlighted the theyve really highlighted the bigger issue here because yes, you can have your argument about how biased the bbc is. And it will also be true that peoples confirmation bias means anything. They say that bias that agrees with you, you dont nofice that agrees with you, you dont notice the bias that disagrees with you. You definitely notice the bigger problem is the fact that they have the fear. Its the same fear that happens where like, i dont want to report this crime for fear of being racist. Yeah, if youre a journalist, your duty is to the facts and the truth rather than the better. Keep your head down. They also say that people have a fear of being called the wokerati by the right. That small boat sailed you. Will you work for the bbc . Literally. You wont be able to win. No. They have no option there. I mentioned the noble lie though. That was the thing. His name was robin akin. Something like that. Used to work for the newsroom and he published this at least ten years ago, maybe 15. I think hes been on here saying that this is what happens in the newsroom. Its not that they tell lies. They call it the noble lie. Because, like plato, right . You know, for the good of the people, but they dont tell lies within broadcast. Its simply where is your searchlight looking, you know . And if you find if there is, if two crimes have been committed or roughly equal degree of severity , but equal degree of severity, but one of them is committed by an illegal immigrant, the other one is committed by a white football hooligan, then you, you know, very quickly which one is going to get reported on. Yeah. And people people are losing all trust in media institutions or the legacy institutions. And, you know, the whole point of a tax funded, News Corporation like the bbc is that they should be doing it without fear or favour. And they should be favour. And they should be brave. Theyre not beholden. Theyre not advertisers arent going to go, oh, were going to pull your adverts. Were going to pull adverts because you reported on this crime by an illegal immigrant. So, i mean, i think this is why we need gb news because gb news isnt afraid to report on without fear or favour. No, on anywhere in society. Absolutely. And maybe the bbc absolutely. And maybe the bbc could pay us a bit of money. Yeah to in that part of their job. Anyway. Leo telegraph now and the latest in liverpudlian pigeon lavatories. Pigeon lavatories. So yeah. So levelling up chess tables costing £50,000 and being installed across the north west. So this is 20 stone chess tables, each costing two and a half grand, have been set up around merseyside, greater manchester, lancashire and cumbria. They dont include cumbria. They dont include pieces so you got to bring your own pieces and then you can play just a nice little stone table. Yeah, you can play in the rain , yeah, you can play in the rain, instead of playing inside. But i mean people are saying 50 grand. Should we have a quick look . Ive got a picture. There they are. There we go. Chess board look like extraordinary and a half grand for that. But this is the thing. I mean, i worked in the Public Sector, and id assume it was like 50 grand per table. Public sector procurement is just abysmal. You would not believe just buying a pen or something or, you know, a laptop. Its like, you know, the book catch, is it catch 22 . Yeah. Goes through it. So this is pretty cheap. But you know, people are complaining because the governments levelling up agenda is designed to reduce regional inequality. And instead of, you know , creating jobs and driving know, creating jobs and driving growth and putting in something substantial like , you know, substantial like, you know, transport links, theyre just throwing, you know, a few chess boards around. But people will never understand this is how government works. Its useless. The best thing a government can do is get out of the way of the people and lower taxes. Then, people and lower taxes. Then, you know, entrepreneurialism will thrive. Well, theres two things. I mean, i remember Washington Square in new york, where they all play chess. I bet those arent put there by the municipalities. They just bring little fold up chess boards and the old fellas, and its got a lovely atmosphere. But if that isnt part of the culture in liverpool or preston and joking aside, i mean, i dont believe that it is. Otherwise they wouldnt be necessary. These things, nobodys going to take up chess because there is a stone table out there. Theyd be much better off, to be honest with someone like backgammon, which you can play with a couple of dice , learn it pretty quickly of dice, learn it pretty quickly and it has a sort of cafe snap to it. You know, this is one of the most patronising ways of levelling up. Its a clearly posh people saying, i know, lets give them chess boards and one of them will be good, and then hell travel the world. And that works, right . Because theres a guy called karl mercer from friends of central park in wirral, said the money could have been spent on something that would actually be used. Oh, theyll get used. Yeah, theyll get used. Yeah, teenagers will have a lot of sex on them. Thats it for part two. Coming up we have primary diversity of poor. Workman blames his brexit and trains on and welcome back to headliners so, steve, the daily mail. They find that children as young as seven and eight are spending the entire day without adequate human diversity. Yeah, more than half of primary schools have no ethnic minority teachers. Nearly 1 in 3 dont have a male teacher, a Study Finds University of warwick did this. That looked at it, a quarter of british schools only had white female teachers and i. Theres also a lack of men in the authority roles in teachers. So all of the people who get upset about representation in the boardroom and at the top level of managers in sport, im just waiting for them to get on this. And whats that been told . Theyre busy in the character, so i guess theyre not on this, they theyve done the research. They looked at the diversity in the classroom. They say that we know ethnic minority students and young boys are missing out. 55 of schools have no ethnic minority teaching staff. There minority teaching staff. There must be many schools in villages that that actually is the representative amount for the midsummer murder style villages. Yes. That are just are there many schools in villages now . Because villages are quite sparsely populated. Anyway, i dont know whether many villages as such would support a school thats. I think its a bit of an issue. Theres a school in my village, is there . Wheres your village . Wheres your village . Well, penpont, theres a school there. Moniaive. Okay then theres a big school in thornhill because its a bigger village. Okay. Northeast play made up places. Thats from cbeebies, isnt it . It . I think i watched that on cbs every day, but i mean, i agree with the concept. You need representation, especially for the demographics that arent doing particularly well in education. And i do agree thats white young boys. White young boys. Its actually youre right. But it is. I mean, its one place where diversity does matter because yeah, you want to see people looking like you teaching you. I do think that that does matter more than a lot of other environments. And i have thought for years that its a shame there are no men. And the reason there are no men, of course, teaching is because theyre perceived to be probably a bit dodge , although the kids, a bit dodge, although the kids, theres plenty of men teaching at my school, and i dont think many of them are dodgy either. At your school . At your school . At your school . Yeah. When you were little. Yeah. When you were little. When i was little, yeah. When i was little, yeah. No, i was the same when i was little as well. Well not no primary and infant. I went to a jmi there was one, bloke who taught there, secondary school, comprehensive school. There were loads and loads of male teachers. More male teachers than female. You know what this is . Its michelle pfeiffer. Theres that film in like 1995, michelle pfeiffer, teachers. Yeah. Pfeiffer, teachers. Yeah. Putting the, you know, doing with the do rag on her head and everything and doing the dance and like because of that it became the dream of every young white girl to yeah, yeah to live that life. Theres a bigger issue though. All of these projects are big in hill. All of this talks about diversity. Meanwhile, a little bit of googling tells me a new survey says almost half of School Teachers teaching maths dont have a degree. Teaching at some stage dont have a degree in maths, right . Thats big. Thats more representation, isnt it . I want maths to be taught by people who have a qualification. At what age . Until the age of 12 or 13. Thats fine , isnt it . Probably. Thats fine, isnt it . Probably. You know, basic arithmetic. I know some people who are literally i had an ex who once we were we were dividing up selling something. As in you. Yes. Not the variable. Variable. The continuous variable. The continuous variable. No. And an ex partner who was i was going to say hes gone. Hes gone into the maths deep end. Yeah. We were selling something wed agreed to split it 7030. We sold it for £100. And she literally said to me , so whats literally said to me, so whats £100 split . 70, 30. Wow , we should have done wow, we should have done more. You get a ten. Terrifying. Yeah leo, this is the story weve all been waiting for this evening. The one that sets a new evening. The one that sets a new bar for brexit blame. This is a this is so funny. So, Sheridan Smiths new play flopped, according to the composer, because brexit made audiences insular. So this is the composers rufus wainwright. Hes actually a fantastic musician, did some great albums , musician, did some great albums, you know, cigarettes and chocolate milk and all that. But he says the west end audiences lack curiosity. After leaving the european union. He says the european union. He says theres a lack of imagination and curiosity about change. All all of the reviews from europe were incredible for this piece. The staging and the rhythm is more european, and there was a vitriolic reaction against that. I assume he means in london and the reviews he got. I mean, i dont know, reading the reviews, it just seems like , its not it just seems like, its not a very good play, it didnt get very good play, it didnt get very good play, it didnt get very good reviews. And rufus has very good reviews. And rufus has just shown the artist live in a leftist echo chamber. Well, the funny thing is the bad, the bad reviews as well came from the leftist echo chamber. The New York Times and the new statesman both really hammered this play. You know, i think the daily mail was sort of all right with it. You know, and people who go to shows in the west end are not brexit voters, arent they . We know that its a 50, 52, 48 split. Theres still half the country are exactly the same people. They are they if same people. They are they if anything, theyre more europhile. Theyre more like stridently europhile than they used to be. So this really must have just been an absolute stinker. I think, you know, theres a whiff of ockhams razor to that, isnt there . Like, surely this must be that the country has changed so much that they hate my play. Yeah, its a weird way of looking at it. And also, since brexit, weve sent non binary Olly Alexander to the campus thing. Ever Eurovision Song Contest in europe , i think were contest in europe, i think were not quite the. Yeah, were still leaning in. I do just want to mention that ive seen this name a couple of times, although i cant remember what else hes done. But the director is someone called ivo van hove , or possibly ivo, which van hove, or possibly ivo, which just sounds like a made up name to satirise me. Like ivo , my to satirise me. Like ivo, my wifes name is van beek and i live in hove. That is basically me, my wife and my home. In one single. Hes robbing my identity. So i feel a little bit like, yeah, conflicted over this one. But anyway , i agree with you, but anyway, i agree with you, rufus wainwright. On the whole, you know, his dad is brilliant, right . Loudon wainwright and his sister martha. Yeah, yeah , yeah, sister martha. Yeah, yeah, yeah, which just sounds like a gay slang, but yeah, she is cool. Yeah, she should have had martha and arthur, shouldnt he . Anyway they missed their opportunity, worrying news now , steve, as a worrying news now, steve, as a man who was just trying to feed his family, albeit on a diet of t bone steak and prosecco, has been arrested and jailed by vigilantes. Are you suppose a serial burglar first to be jailed following prosecution by private police force . A man who stole meat and alcohol from an m s store was imprisoned for a year. These are not just normal police, these are police. Police, these are police. They have to do that. They have to do that. He had 105 previous convictions , including 33 convictions, including 33 burglaries. He was arrested by this private company after he broke into an m s got 500 quids worth of sirloin and t steak. But with the cost of living crisis , thats three steaks. Crisis, thats three steaks. Yeah, and the company is called tmi. There on my local. Bobbys tmi. There on my local. Bobbys a private police force. The met meanwhile said, well, we cant be possibly expected to attend every shoplifting incident. Yeah you can. Yeah. Because its your job, isnt it . Youre the police. Well, certainly if they caught them. Yeah, i mean eventually got them. Theyre like hanging on them. Theyre like hanging on the hook. Youve just got to bnng the hook. Youve just got to bring the keeping net. And this is the classic example of they had the cctv that identified them as well doing the crime. He this is not one of those, violent ones because he apparently attacked an m s store manager. So they managed to get this prosecution going on. But private forces, the worrying thing about this is the worrying thing about this is the old slippery slope that will heading to the future, where if youre rich enough to get police and the rest of us poor people just get robbed for our nothing, its going to be the warriors. And then it will be the purge and thats it. You know, i am pleased to see it happening, to be honest, because, i mean, theres been a little bit of this, like just our local tesco metro or whatever its called at the end of the street, you know, has now got massive security, plexiglass around the tills, not left over from covid, just purely about security. People jumping over apparently, and grabbing fags and alcohol, you know, jeez, its not great in a way. Essentially is just a little local corner shop. You know, they want to stop that slide. That sort of thing breaks down trust. And before you know it, yeah, society is irredeemable. Well, yeah. We used to live in a in a high trust society. I wonder what happened. Yeah i know, well, it was david hanson 44, more misandrist propaganda in the mail. Leo. As women wasting their time on unpaid work is our fault somehow. Yeah. So women spend , women yeah. So women spend, women spend almost an hour a day longer than men doing unpaid work, new data has shown, which is clear. Work, new data has shown, which is clear. Clear work, new data has shown, which is clear. Clear proof that work, new data has shown, which is clear. Clear proof that women work really slowly , if you want work really slowly, if you want a job done properly, youve got to get a man. Could do it. Yes. Yeah, they work a busy person. Yeah, they werent. Yeah, they werent. They work, 3. 5 hours a day, on cooking, cleaning, gardening , on cooking, cleaning, gardening, volunteering and caring for adults and children. Most of thats just fun stuff. By contrast, men only spend 2. 5 hours. Is it really work if youre doing it in activewear . Thats doing it in activewear . Thats what i want. Exactly. Exactly. And also, can you complain about it being unpaid work if you never pay for dinner . Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Well, that is the truth of it. And actually, if you look at that graph, the one thing they didnt have was the amount of time you spend in work. Understandable, right . Its the amount of time spent sleeping and that. But it did say working from home, like working away from home, like working away from from work essentially like at home, taking emails. And men did at least as much extra compared to women on that graph, like an extra hour a day. So like an extra hour a day. So that balances out at the very least, right . Yeah men are taking more phone calls in the evening or doing more work emails. Yeah. I mean, if you if emails. Yeah. I mean, if you if you if you believe this stuff. Yeah no, i think in the article low down there is a stat about working in a place of work as well in which men do more. So if you add it all together, this is men do more paid work, women do more unpaid work, and then men pay more unpaid work, and then men pay for dinner, you know. Yeah. And then the daily mail show up and suddenly everyones at each others throats. Steve. At each others throats. Steve. To the telegraph and to no ones great surprise, the moon is soon to be better served by trains than hove. Than hove. Definitely. Well, especially this week with all the strikes, nasa increases funding for railway on the moon. The moon will be easier to get a train on than the uk is going to be. Like the First Railway like between darlington and there will just be one thing going back and forth. Oh really . I dont like. Dont like. Yeah, i suppose it is easier to run that way. Yeah. So the lunar train, which, is going to be magnet powered lunar railway, theyre actually in the whole thing. Dont say superconductors, but i imagine if its floating above it, its going to be superconductors. This is well its lightweight gravity there anyway, you know. But yeah, but not light enough to float a train. No i imagine with tons of material on it i know. Yeah. Running through it even newtonian physics or boomtowns there. Moon, youre like yeah, but no a ton still on the moon, a ton on the moon, a ton mass or his ton weight. Well, old school , its only if you spell it the british way. Thats a weight measure of weight. Okay, fine. Okay, fine. But metric. Youre right. Thatd just be a measure of mass. Yeah, that was a fun little c unit chat is one of my variables. Thats for display, but the article describes it as a sci fi innovation. Innovation. Its going to travel at one mile an hour. So maybe it is like the uk trains. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, i like the idea were finally , you know, its been a finally, you know, its been a long time since we first put a man into a film studio in arizona. Its about time. Arizona. Its about time. Yes. Yes. Now hes got to get in a little train. Little train. Hes being upgraded. Have we hes being upgraded. Have we got time for one more . Thats it for part three. I think. Coming up in the final section, disney look good for a disney. There we look good for a disney. There we go. Little scottish pun from me knife. This knives and staying in bed is a health hack. Ill and welcome back to headliners on one and a half speed. Now to get through these last stories before midnight. Leo, the before midnight. Leo, the guardian and disney is to focus on quality. Or rather, i might say, see quality. Say, see quality. So disney plans to release fewer movies and focus more on quality, as opposed to the last few years where its focused more on equality and its key franchises. Following a string of high profile flops at the box office. And this follows the worst ever year for marvel, the marvel. I dont know if people are just getting sick of superhero movies, but theyve also done all these super woke, day driven movies that seem to exist just to get that esg funding. So strange world light yean funding. So strange world light year, she hulk, miss marvel, all just absolute toxic. Its like rubbing dog poo in your eyes, watching literally not heard of any of them either because they sangis any of them either because they sang is it . Yeah. Yeah. They sank without a trace. And this this is from the company that gave us, you know, toy story and these amazing up i watched up the other day. And, you know, theyve been trying to shoehorn forced diversity. And so instead of, you shoehorn forced diversity. And so instead of , you know, so instead of, you know, creating characters and plots, they just they, they you can see they just they, they you can see the plots all chopped around and the plots all chopped around and the characters are all flat, and its just, yeah, yeah, theres no development. Youre right. Pixar had a golden era. I pixar had a golden era. I think it made the best. I mean, just by like without category, just by like without category, just like maybe the best cinema ive ever seen. Some of them were just unbelievable. Everything was great. Characterisation, story , the characterisation, story, the moral, the, the humour, the wit, the timing. Yeah. Where did that the timing. Yeah. Where did that all go . Well, to push back a little on some of those she hulk was really bad because the effects were terrible. They did it about half an hour because they were trying to churn out too much. Watching the whole series isnt really like a lecture in feminism or anything. Okay, the marvels was a problem because you had to watch about 15 different shows to get that film. Somehow they go on in a, in a, in a franchise from a making billions to losing half a billion. So they churned out balances out. Yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Well yeah. Okay. Fair enough. Well good news for steve. Now for everyone who ignored all previous articles on this subject in the metro. Yeah. Subject in the metro. Yeah. Scientists have changed their mind about lie ins and were exhausted , says the metro. Well, exhausted, says the metro. Well, get over yourself. Science used to say, dont try and catch up on sleep. You cant. It messes with the next night. Now theyve done some research and says if you dont have insomnia, if you miss some sleep, you have a line. It feels great. Its lowers the chance of depression. Stop requiring sciences approval to have a nap. If youre tired, have a nap. You know, one problem is, and im quite lucky in this regard , im quite lucky in this regard, im quite lucky in this regard, i guess we all are. Were all stand up comedians. We get up late and go to bed late. I always struggle with alarm clocks, so were always one of the reasons i decided to become a comedian was so that i would just not have to get up in the morning, and i know its awful as well for teenagers. My kids, you know, really struggle to get up before 10 am. There are some people and its weird. You just think, go to bed early, get up earlier. But they really, really struggle with that. Yeah. And i struggle with that. Yeah. And i think we need a little bit more flexibility in work. Seriously you know, to be able to show up, show up at 10 am. Or even 11 and work till seven. Yeah. No, absolutely. In the Public Sector you get that you can start the core hours. I think they call it. But yeah, same thing happened with me when i, when i left a real job and started doing stand up comedy like my health just improved so much like no more eczema or anything like that because i was sleeping as long as i wanted. I wasnt, you know, having to get up to go in and just sit and do nothing in a different place. Absolutely. Alarm clocks are the devils work. Swiss army news now, leo and counterintuitively, i rather like the sound of the new knife less knife. Less knife. Yes. Or the new Swiss Army Knife is being developed and it doesnt. It isnt going to have doesnt. It isnt going to have a knife. This is. This is wokeness gone mad. No more bendy bananas. Wokeness gone mad. No more bendy bananas. So this is in response bananas. So this is in response to tighter regulations governing the carrying of knives in many countries around the world. But i dont think peckham gangs are using swiss army knives. Yeah, they actually be really good because ive lost not one but two knives because ive, ive forgotten i had them on me. And of course you go into security and you have to lose them at the airport. Yeah. I have even said i had one that was worth about £50, a big fat one. I sort of paid to send it home by courier. You know, all of the 18 tools on it and never used the knife. I used the toothpick. I used the tweezers. You used sometimes use the little saw. Thats not use the little saw. Thats not necessarily what for, but the guy who runs the place said, what are we going to do instead . We dont need a knife. Well be doing tools for cyclists. What do you mean . Like the multi tool you get for recycling . Someones invented that, mate. Yeah. Dont pin your hopes. But a victorinox like a its a great brand. So to have the Swiss Army Knife without the knife. Yeah, im up with that. Knife. Yeah, im up with that. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, everyone, the big thing now though, is the ones that you open out, like into a pair of pliers, isnt it . Yes what were they called . The leatherman. The leatherman. Leatherman . Yeah. Yeah, thats the new mode. And so victorinox are trying to fight back on that front. I think. Back on that front. I think. Anyway, watch this space. Maybe theyll send us some goodies and we can demonstrate how much we love them. Steve, this sounds right up your alley. This is the last story well have time for. For tonight. High tech being brought to bear on the worlds fundamentals in the daily star. Yeah, bizarre Public Toilet tour launched. And it may just be the best in the world. 17 public facilities around tokyo. You can do it. You get driven around, do it. You get driven around, you can see them all. Some of them have transparent walls until its locked and then, well, youre thankfully. Then it changes. Theres one thats shaped like a trio of mushrooms, which reminds me of the Stormy Daniels story. We talked about. If you want a holiday where you get to see the toilets , drink get to see the toilets, drink the local water, yeah, the next thing you know, all youre seeing is toilets. I dont know why this is a special thing like. I Like International lavatories. And ive always thought there are 2 or 3 things that mankind is endlessly inventive about. And one of them is the lavatory bolt , the is the lavatory bolt, the interior lock on a lavatory doon interior lock on a lavatory door. There are so many ways have been devised of doing that over the years. Its fascinating. Like the little ones you get in privies, you know, the sort of like wooden. Know, the sort of like wooden. They would quite happily open a museum, probably in herefordshire or something when i retire. Anyway, show is nearly oven i retire. Anyway, show is nearly over. Lets take another quick look at wednesdays front pages. The daily mail harrys reunion hopeis the daily mail harrys reunion hope is dashed. We didnt cover that. Hope is dashed. We didnt cover that. Sorry, harry, telegraph. That. Sorry, harry, telegraph. Children must show id to use social media. The guardian, garrick club members vote to lift 193 year ban on women joining. It wasnt quite that simple. But never joining. It wasnt quite that simple. But never mind the times britain leads charge to keep young safe online. The express the myth migrants boost the economy must be busted. And finally, the daily star warning sir sarnie will shrink your brain. I will carry on enjoying whichever sarnie you fancy. Those were your front pages. Thats all we have time for. Thank you to my guest, leo kearse and steve n allen. Nick kearse and steve n allen. Nick dixon is back tomorrow at 11 pm. With paul cox and scott capurro. Itll be a riot if youre watching at 5 am. Stay tuned for breakfast. Otherwise thank you for your company. Sleep well. Good night. Sleep well. Good night. That warm feeling inside from boxt boilers sponsors of weather on. Gb news. On. Gb news. Good evening. Here is your latest gb news. Weather update brought to you by the met office. Whilst there will be a little bit of rain around and also some patches of mist and fog tonight, for many theres going to be plenty of fine weather through the next few days because of a large area of High Pressure thats dominating the story across the uk. This means its going to stay largely settled through the end of today, and overnight does mean we will see a few patches of mist and fog, particularly towards the west, but also some cloud drifting in from the north sea further east as well. A dry sea further east as well. A dry night for most of us and temperatures not dropping a huge amount, many areas staying in high single figures or low double digits. So not a particularly chilly start to the day on wednesday. In fact, day on wednesday. In fact, a fairly mild one and quite a bright one for some of us, though it wont be. Wall to wall blue skies. Not at all. There blue skies. Not at all. There will be quite a bit of cloud at times, albeit it does look like a brighter, sunnier day than today. The greatest chance of seeing any rain will be towards the far north west here, across parts of northwest scotland, perhaps northwest northern ireland. Some outbreaks of rain are quite possible. Temperatures may be similar or a touch higher than today, but with a bit more sunshine around, it should feel a little bit warmer. The High Pressure sticks with us as we go through the end of the week, and so were going to see more fine weather for much of the uk, although towards the far north northwest here there may be a little bit more rain at times and elsewhere the odd shower cant be ruled out, but we should also see a good deal of sunshine , particularly as we sunshine, particularly as we head towards the weekend. Largely sunny skies on saturday, and by then temperatures likely to rise to the low to mid 20s. A brighter outlook with boxt solar sponsors of weather on gb news. Good evening. A serious attempt by chinese cyber hackers to get the details and Bank Accounts of all of our Current Service personnel. And many veterans, too. And yet the government doesnt seem to want to be straight with us about it. I wonder why. Incredibly, we learn from the home office that 21,000 people, nearly all men whove come into the United Kingdom illegally, have gone missing in the last five years. It is failure upon failure and some good news, too. A private prosecution against the serial shoplifter in south london has resulted in a court prosecution. I guess when the police give up even attempting to deal with shoplifting this is perhaps the way that we have to go. But before all of that, lets get the news with sam francis. Nigel, thank you very much. Nigel, thank you very much. And good evening to you. Its just after 7 00. The latest headunes just after 7 00. The latest headlines from the newsroom this houn headlines from the newsroom this hour. The defence secretary has told mps the government cannot rule out state involvement in the hack at the ministry of defence, but he refused to confirm reports that china was behind it for reasons of national security. We cant release further details of the suspected cyber activity behind this incident. However i can confirm to the house that we do have indications that this was the suspected work of a malign actor and we cannot rule out state involvement. This incident is further proof that the uk is facing rising and evolving threats. Threats. Grant shapps also apologised to Armed Forces Personnel whose names, addresses and bank details were potentially compromised in that hack. Its understood 272,000 people may have been affected. He set out an eight point plan to support them and announced a full investigation. Varne. Meanwhile, investigation. Varne. Meanwhile, beijing has strongly denied those reports that its behind the hack, saying the accusations are completely fabricated. And are completely fabricated. And in scotland, john swinney says hes over the moon to be voted as the scottish parliaments choice to be their next first minister. He was backed by 64 of his colleagues and his name will now be submitted to the king. He