We start with some breaking news. The home office can only locate 38 of migrants currently approved for deportation to rwanda. Now, according to a government report released earlier today. Only 2143 of the 5700 migrants that rwanda had agreed to accept can be found for detention. All had been told that their asylum claims were inadmissible, but more than half have now stopped reporting to the home office comes after Prime Minister rishi sunak said he expected the first flights to kigali to take off in 10 to 12 weeks. Well, maybe theyre in ireland because irelands department of justice is standing by claims that 80 of Asylum Seekers are coming into the country through Northern Ireland. It comes after refugee organisations questioned that figure released by the countrys minister for justice. Irelands deputy premier, micheal martin, has said it was not based on evidence, statistics or data. Evidence, statistics or data. However, britains Northern Ireland minister said the uks new rwanda deterrent is clearly working. It was always going to be the case. We believed as a government that our rwanda policy would act as a deterrent for people coming to this country illegally, i think we are slightly surprised that its manifested itself so quickly after the act, became , law, and after the act, became, law, and we are now in the process of making sure that we are, gathering those individuals who could qualify for the first flight to be on that first flight. The snp is preparing for a leadership contest after the Scottish First minister announced his resignation. Earlier, Humza Yousafs admitted that he underestimated the level of upset that he would cause by cutting political ties with the greens. Hell now continue in greens. Hell now continue in his post until a replacement can be found. Clearly emotional, mr yousaf said he is quitting to help repair relationships across the political divide. I bear no ill will and certainly bear no grudge against anyone. Politics can be a brutal business. It takes its toll on your physical and mental health. Your family suffer alongside you. I am in absolute debt to my wonderful wife , my beautiful wonderful wife, my beautiful children and my wider family for putting up with me over the years. Im afraid youll be seeing a lot more of me, from now. How. Now. And finally, in the united states, multiple Police Officers have been shot in charlotte, nonh have been shot in charlotte, north carolina. The local Police Department has issued a statement saying that the shooting began in as officers from the Us Marshals Task force were carrying out an investigation. The scene is being described as still active. Theyre urging local residents to remain indoors. Local media are reporting that at least one officer has been killed. Multiple victims have been transported to hospital. Were told. Right . For the latest stories, sign up to gb news alerts by scanning the qr code on your screen, or go to gb news. Com slash alerts. Now over to our headliners. To our headliners. Hello and welcome to headliners on this glorious monday evening. Your first look at tuesdays front pages , all at tuesdays front pages, all adorned with front pages to treasure and keeping an almanac. I am simon evans, joining me tonight, two comedians, cressida wetten and nick dixon , who im wetten and nick dixon, who im sure are feeling every bit as upbeat about the future of the British Isles as i am tonight. Nick, you look sort of slightly ambivalent. Possibly. Yeah. Loving life. Loving life. Well, humzas gone so im happy. Im still happy. Im still happy. Exactly. Thats all we need to worry about at this point, isnt it . God knows what sort of power vacuum has been created up there, but nothing can be filled with a small chemical explosion. Anyway, lets have a look at those front pages daily mail all schools warned on sextortion epidemic where theres humza at the top there to remind us of the top there to remind us of the real story. Telegraph sex is a biological fact. Nhs declares. Wow, what a world guardian yousef quits as first minister after coalition gamble triggers snp crisis, i news pip disability benefit could be cut using new system with six tiers. And finally the daily star. Creepy jez ill kill il 18 billion slugs. Well , those were front pages well, those were front pages. So kicking off the in depth look into tuesdays front pages with the metro chris up the metro, youve only got yourself to blame. Blame. You see what they did . Cunning, cunning snp crisis as leader quits in tears. I dont know if youve watched the footage, i imagine you have, but ive watched the 30s i couldnt, ive watched the 30s i couldnt, i havent managed to see the whole thing. Well. Well. The tears are very there are High Standard of politicians tears. We used to sturgeons hancock had a go a while ago. Theresa theresa may. That single word. Yeah. Yeah absolutely. Very good standard of tier three. I love. Yeah, yeah it was. Yeah it was i watched the whole 8. 5 minutes or whatever it was. Yeah. He should he really be crying though in a public platform like that as a man, as a man. No. And also as an utter failure. And you know, just like not somebody who i think really represented what the snp is supposed to be about, you know, the dream of scottish independence, pride, nobility. Independence, pride, nobility. Instead, hes been entangled in really quite petty little disputes of one kind or another, ridiculous identity politics. Its all been just a horrible farrago, isnt it . Yeah , but he has got a lot to yeah, but he has got a lot to cry about in that sense, hasnt he . Yeah. Although i should say a woman shouldnt either in that context. Thatcher did like once, but because she was so stoic all the rest of the time, you did sort of respect it. As a general rule, no politician in that position should cry. Thats my point. Well, we could get to the should men cry debate and we could have that for hours. But as a politician, i dont think its a great look personally. But it depends what circumstances youre resigning under or whether, you know, did you reach for the stars and fall . You know, just like just go beyond your central reference . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or did you or was it just like a, you know , this kind of like a, you know, this kind of tangled. Yeah. Well on that the first thing, the first achievement he listed was just his race. He was a great achievement. Very strange to me. I think people are kind of over this race stuff and that isnt his achievement. Im sorry. That is the achievement of the scottish people who looked beyond his race in order to accept him and to elect him. Thats actually thats actually the that is an achievement, but not his. But then and then he listed all the current crop of leaders we have in the uk who are all bad as some sort of, a validation of multiculturalism, which is a complete non sequitur. I mean, even if they are good, thats got nothing to do with multiculturalism, you could say had something to do with assimilation. Multiculturalism is just autonomous cultures retaining their features in their adopted nation. And if theyre bad, then its even worse. I dont understand what that had to do with anything, and i think people are generally sick of this racial stuff. He famously did the white speech. I think people thats not the reason he went, of course, which was the coalition with the greens and a massive misjudgement. But i think people are generally sick of that kind of race politics. Couldnt agree more. Absolutely. I think the white speech was didnt do him any favours. No people. It was interesting how it resurged, if that is a word, is it as a resurgence resurfaced, doesit it as a resurgence resurfaced, does it resurface . They always resurface. They always resurface. It resurfaced because of his own hate speech law, because of his own introduction of that. His own introduction of that. Everyone shared that video. I dont again, i dont think its why he went, but i wonder whether it added to the feeling the greens wanted to detach them, disassociate themselves . Id like to think so. They probably loved it. I mean, the unfortunate thing is that the labour leader now has the almost its almost the exact same speech, like hes been cloned. Speech, like hes been cloned. Have you seen it . Hes done exactly the same speech. Anas sarwar. Thats his name, isnt it , scottish labour. Yes. Right. It, scottish labour. Yes. Right. And so its out of the frying pan into the other idiot. As the phrase goes. I had to tone down when i said online, but because we got a 5 am, moving on to the telegraph , nick, they got telegraph, nick, they got a different story. Yes. Yes. Sorry, i feel i took over something. Theres been a major breakthrough in in the, field of biological sex is a biological fact , nhs declares. Fact, n hs declares. Fact, nhs declares. I know this comes as news to you, simon, but listen up, buster, because sex is real. So the constitution updated every ten years. So, you know, thats probably why theyve lagged behind a bit has now been updated because in 2021, you can still be placed in a single sex ward with someone who was pretending to be that sex because they identified as such. But now you cant because theyve changed it, and which is a great thing. Although some nhs a great thing. Although some nhs leaders have raised concerns that the Health Service was being dragged into a pre election culture wars debate. I love that you just stick in the phrase culture wars when you dont want any anything normal to happen, very similar to an interview that was going around recently. Around recently. Caroline nokes the tory in like a rhino tory. Yeah, who was, caught about a year ago, scolding an lbc , talk show host, scolding an lbc, talk show host, i believe, about, you know, his what is what is a woman kind of, you know, that line of questioning, you know, and how in what sense is a trans woman, a woman and she just kept going on and on and on about how unnecessarily toxic the debate is. This is such a gaslighting line, isnt it . Yeah. Obrien class. Yeah. Yeah. Obrien class. Yeah. Stop forcing me to actually make sense. Thats so toxic. Make sense. Thats so toxic. Absolutely. I think those days are behind us and this is going to help us with the next mad thing, isnt it . Because people are going to remember this. You know, you cant just have activists calling the shots and not not come up with some common sense. Absolutely. Id love it. Id love to think youre right, chris, but i think youre right, chris, but i think the next thing well just come up and catch people off guard again. We had covid, you know, wokeness, blm every new one catches people off guard. Im worried the new one is going to be euthanasia. And well all be told its terribly caring if you dont go along with it. Youre evil. Well be interesting. Everyone was extremely hostile to Matthew Paris when he, thats true, but his article was. So. So. I think thats a while. But i know, i mean, it was only about three months into covid, wasnt it, that black lives matter . I mean, that was george floyd, obviously a specific incident. But, you know, that really everyone thought identity politics was going to be killed by by a massive worldwide pandemic. Instead, it it trumps it. It. Yeah. Yeah. Fuelled it. Its extraordinary. Anyway, sex is a biological fact, the nhs declares. Whereas the times have something on plato which somehow feels they do like a kind of direct jaccuse. They dont get into anything toxic. They do well, theyre mainly going the snp. Snp lurches into going the snp. Snp lurches into another crisis as leader quits, but theyve also got scroll reveals platos final musings. Why is that flautist so bad, so apparently they found a scroll and a lady was playing the flute for him and he didnt think she was very good. This is so. This has been discovered in, like, pompeii or. No, not pompeii. That was that no, not pompeii. That was that was roman, wasnt it . Rather than greek. She was a scroll slave girl. Yeah, yeah. And she was thracian, which is like he looked up north asian turkey. Yes. Yes. North greece , but its also north greece, but its also could be romania and bulgaria. Youve got your maps out. You can get those books, cant you . With plato, with the maps in there, the high end. Im just im just a fan of thracian slave girl, so i knew. I knew already. Yeah, i know what im saying. I know in the nonh what im saying. I know in the north we say differently. Thats my get out clause. I love that, but he wasnt worried that she was a slave girl being forced to play was a slave girl being forced to play the flute. He was just like, why is she so rubbish . But a different times. He was, he just died of natural causes, right . Plato. Because socrates, of course, famously took poison surrounded by his fellow philosophers. And its very movingly accounted hemlock. No, it was the it was it was the flute playing. It was done for him. But he was also he was also 80 or 81, it sounds like, wasnt it in the famous last words of somebody like a thousand, either that wallpaper goes or i do. Who was that . Who was that . That was socrates. Was it . Yeah. I think it might have been oscar wilde, i cant be. Theyve also got a story. Over half of my. Oh, no, it was napoleon, wasnt it . Because he was. He is thought to have been poisoned by arsenic in the in the war. Sorry im sorry. Carry on. Carry on. Well, some migrants carry on. Well, some migrants carry on. Some migrants have gone missing. Is anyone surprised the home office has lost contact with a bunch of people . It was going to send to rwanda. Hopefully theyre in ireland by now. And ending this section with the daily star. Nick. Yes. Glad we got this in creepy. Jez ill kill 18 billion slugs and the daily stars hug a slugs and the daily stars hug a slug campaign isnt going as well as we had hoped. Whod have thought hug a slug would have gone wrong . Because old jez, which is jeremy clarkson, of course. Thereafter, his barley and hes not having any of it. So hes going to commit a kind of slug genocide. Fantastic. I mean, its interesting that theyve kind of pitched jez against the slugs. Theyre obviously trying to imply a certain kind of equivalence, arent they . Thats the way the photo is taken there as well. But its not too bad. Carlson but its not too bad. Carlson is looking pretty slug to 18 billion of anything. Thats not too bad, is it . Ive talked quite recently about sorting my slugs, which is not a good way to go. It is satisfying to watch the slugs curl up. Oh no. Oh no. There were loads of people making their way across our lawn like some great military manoeuvres. It was horrible , i manoeuvres. It was horrible, i suppose, to bake eggshells and then crushed them up and thats. And they go, oh, thats a bit sharp. And then they but it also kills your lawn. Thats the trouble. If i had my time again, id get the air rifle. One slug at a time. One slug at a time. Time consuming. But saxual , time consuming. But saxual, thats the way. Bake the eggshells, crush them. Have night Time Lighting on them, or just live in london and them, orjust live in london and then you wont have a garden . No, thats true. Should have done that. Yeah, true. Okay, thats the front pages in part two, we have the meat from the middle snp hopefuls, irish si king arrogant and hopes for welcome back to headliners with me. Simon evans. With cressida wyton and nick dixon in the box. So lets have a look at the telegraph first. Cressida on who is going to be the rishi. Tecumsehs truss john swinney snp leadership favourite, backed transgender self id at 16 and an lgbt curriculum. So this is the guy whos well he hasnt said no. Theyre saying in here that hes suggested he will run. Its not quite what happened. They stuck a microphone in his face and said, will you . And he said, i couldnt possibly say so. Yeah, it looks likely. But anyway, he has supported all these things in the past that were not very keen on here. Yeah, for example , keen on here. Yeah, for example, and that have not proved to be great news for the snp generally. No exactly. So whether hell have to third time lucky. Yeah. I dont know whether hes going to have to change his mind and suddenly, decide hes not into net zero or self id or whatever. But currently thats, thats whats on his cv. Whats the famous saying about insanity . Doing the same thing and expecting the results to change . You know, i suppose with politics sometimes the wind does change direction, but if anything, the wind has decisive moved against the snp since they, they kind of. Oh dear, they, they kind of. Oh dear, what is wrong with them. Well hes an snp career man. This guy, he joined them at 15. So imagine how many weird views you end up having or having to take. I you end up having or having to take. I mean yeah, hes still favourite though im not sure. I mean, but you never really trust the frontrunner, do you . At least in the tory elections. You know, ive heard that Jenny Gilruth is an outside bet. Shes currently fourth in the poll i saw kate forbes is second and neil, i would say kate forbes, who was like neck and neck with holmes initially and she was two, two presbyterian or something for them. Yeah, they said old kirk christian, although actually she does well with muslims. Really , because they like really, because they like that shes just open about her faith. Obviously shes somewhat conservative on on certain social issues, so they tend to prefer that. Whereas, swinney prefer that. Whereas, swinney im not, you know, like, yeah, gilruths doing well. Forbes apparently is just not the right time for her. So ive heard, but who knows. You hear these also, hasnt this guy, he stepped in for ten minutes before, so hes. Yeah. He knows a bit of experience. Yeah. Well i mean, i kind of feel like they probably need an englishman to go up there and run it for them, get them back on track, go back in the eu, which i always thought the most perverse position independence. But in the eu its nonsense. But in the eu its nonsense. Well, i youre all right. Somebody, a scotsman once said to me , you almost confidentially to me, you almost confidentially and i dont maybe this will be a controversial thing to say out loud. But he said, this isnt the thing that they like to say out loud. I may have said it out loud on this show before. Scots dont like to admit it in so many words. But the thing about the eu is freedom of movement is good for scots because most scots who have any promise at all, leave scotland immediately and go to london. Wow any bulgarians and romanians who have promised might go to glasgow or edinburgh, and you can sort of see their point. Can sort of see their point. They are they they experience a permanent brain drain and within the context of freedom of movement, they can be replenished from countries that are more economically, you know, challenged than scotland is. But if you, if you grow up in scotland and you have ambition, you tend to fulfil it south of the border, its very sad and i do feel a certain amount of sympathy for that. Sympathy for that. I already thought that was offensive. And you hadnt said the offensive bit. Actually, at that point were gonna get so many emails. Many emails. Its the bulgarians i feel sorry for. Anyway, staying with the telegraph, rishi sunak is not interested in the return of damaged goods. Indeed, britain not in business of taking more migrants, warns mel stride. So migrants, warns mel stride. So of course ireland are trying to send them back, so to speak. But its not going to happen, according to mel stride. So obviously the deterrent is working because all these migrants went to off ireland because they were worried about the rwanda policy. Now ireland wants to call britain via a loophole , a safe third country, loophole, a safe third country, in order to send them back. I think we can quite easily prove were not a safe country. Just go on twitter , you know what i go on twitter, you know what i mean . Thats thats an easy one. What they mean is it they mean not safe because you might get sent to a safe place to be trusted. Okay. Never mind. My joke doesnt work. I dont find this very horrifically safe place for, for people of many, heritage, isnt it . At the moment, certainly. London is on a saturday afternoon. Whats many middle east, nonh whats many middle east, north africa . Very much. Yeah this is a new one for you. Drop that down. Do you think. Do you really think that rwanda has been so successful in its , in how people know about it its, in how people know about it that its making this difference already . No. Absolutely not. No. But i suppose like bureaucratically it might be, but they are allegedly going to ireland, arent they. That, that that parts true. I because im questioning because theyve heard that its better. Better. Right. Right. I think its a bit of a coincidence. Its been better for ages. Yeah, im not sure if its better or not, but you might be, right. Yeah. Because since brexit, theres no clear rule about it. So they need to make a new law. Theres no clear rule about it. So irelands trying to bring in this law. We can send them to the uk. Were trying to counter it. We dont want to take we pointless to suddenly bring all the people back, wouldnt it . So its called an emergency law. How quickly are they going to make it a law . Anything thats called an emergency, i think. Oh, well be talking about this for the next 18 months. Ireland just needs their own rwanda. Lorne, send them on again somewhere else. There were some other rwanda or somewhere else. Atlantis. Atlantis. Nice. Yeah just they could have just a massive platform half, you know, about 30 miles out into the atlantic, couldnt they . They could. Yeah. You full ofideas they . They could. Yeah. You full of ideas tonight. Of ideas tonight. I think its quite i mean, theres going to be some creativity shown in this issue soon, chris, the times and it sounds like a crack of light in the relentless gloom from palestine. Palestine. Cameron urges hamas to accept very generous ceasefire offer. So hamas have been offered 40 day, a 40 day ceasefire, and this could include the release of thousands of palestinian prisoners. Could its not definite , and of course, definite, and of course, everyones urging them to take this, but i, you know, they havent taken it so far have they. So no, no. They. So no, no. Well i mean i find it quite, you know, the whole thing with the hostages was and the whole thing on october the 7th, it was obviously so horrific and shocking that the question of what exactly did the hamas , the what exactly did the hamas, the terrorists hoped to achieve was, was rarely really examined, was it . And the existence of these thousands of palestinian prisoners has not been discussed very often. Right. You know what i mean. If this is presumably what they were thinking they wanted to secure by taking hostages , is that is that the hostages, is that is that the implication that many of them. Not since october 7th . Not since october 7th . No, i dont think so. I think theyre i think theyve been imprisoned for quite some time, you know, many of them for perfectly valid reasons. Yeah. Josh said, you know, thats a very but thats this is the thing that doesnt get discussed very often. In my experience. I may have just been reading the wrong thing. Is that promising a 40 day truce as well . Id be a little bit worried what theyre going to do after that 40 days, maybe theyre saving up like a really big bomb, but it is fairly generous. I understand what cameron means because theyre talking about 33. They potentially accept 33 hostages in exchange for thousands. So to the layman, that does seem quite reasonable. Deal. It looks like it could actually happen because lets face it, this war is not going anywhere. Nothings going to change and you cant win it. No, theyre saying and people are admitting theyre not close to a two state solution as we know. So all its going to happenis know. So all its going to happen is you may as well have this ceasefire. It sounds like it might actually happen. Egypt are in favour of it, i think. I think so, i think its actual progress. And if they lets say they released all those hostages and they did exchange them and we accepted the Exchange Rate or whatever, the International Community thought that was fair. And they got them all home. And then israel continued trying to wipe out hamas with the International Community, then would just have none of that at all. Well, its already been, dont you think, a net loss for israel. Yeah, because the International Community and in terms of their power, because iran, i know people said that was done for show, but would it would iran have attacked so brazenly in the past . Im not sure. So its been a net loss for israel, unfortunately. But i mean, that was one of the questions was whether they whether the hamas puppeteers in iran had calculated that, for instance, the mood, the sentiment in young people in particular, you know, in the in the west, in america , because i the west, in america, because i dont think we would previously have seen quite such, unilateral support for palestine and describing it as a genocide and so on. Ten years ago. No, no. Definitely not. No, no. Definitely not. I remember people used to wear the wristbands and it was kind of the cool opinion to have. Yeah, yeah. But we werent i dont think people knew about it. Yeah, but lord cameron didnt have that opinion. No. Exactly. Lord cameron of Chipping Norton jezza the slug basher will be furious about that. Should have been his agriculture news in the guardian. Now, nick, talking of the slug basher and the wettest 18 months on record, it does feel like the wrong sort of Climate Change. Yeah, its wash out winter spells price rises for uk shoppers with key crops down by a fifth. And its going to affect beer. Sorry. Bread beer and biscuits. The simon evans story. Its a good name. Red story. Its a good name. Red beer and biscuits. Its got a kind of angelas ashes kind of vibe. Or maybe an album in the 80s. Bread and circuses, a little bit, new labour. Yeah. Biscuit my story. Yeah. Its. Anyway, the reason is the fields are waterlogged. They cant be planted , tractors cant apply planted, tractors cant apply fertilisers. So this is all going to impact the cost of all these things. I mean, if youre gluten intolerant, youre fine. But otherwise it is a bit of an issue. Well its good. Its interesting you raise that because i was aware of this. We went actually to stay with some friends who ran a farm right up north over easter, and his fields were still under water. And he explained to us, this is going to be, you know, half the country is harvest is going to be affected. I was thinking, i dont eat bread. So is that bad for me . Because that means everyone else. But of course, that means everyone else will be moving on to my turf. Theyll be. I know you shouldnt mention the beer. Yeah, i dont drink been the beer. Yeah, i dont drink beer. So between us, cressida doesnt have, biscuits. But then were absolutely fine. I cant remember what the. Dont worry about that, nick. Something here i think its bizarre, though, that the guardian are, like, climbing into bed with the farmers and going, oh, were the defenders of the farmers in this article, because five minutes ago we were having farmers protests because they were being told what to do with their land and they had to fill it with, well, it was the welsh farmers, wasnt it . Something like 10 of their land had to go to tree growing or something. Yeah, i dont know. Just coming from the guardian, its i mean theyre pushing Climate Change arent they. What are they gonna. What are they gonna. Were certainly going to be short of cereal crops. And we are going to be importing stuff. But i suppose another big question is whether or not i dont even know where were at with ukraine at the moment. I mean, ukraine was the is traditionally the bread basket of europe, isnt it . But i dont suppose thats had a terrific, harvest in prospect. I dont know has it been affected . The grain supplies have been. The prices have gone way up because of the war. Absolutely. One way or another, its a good time to go fully carnivore, i reckon. Yes full kwarteng louis is here staying with the guardian now. Cressida what looks to me like an utterly redundant and tiresome portmanteau neologism for the crime of blackmail. Wow. Teachers warned to be on lookout for victims of sextortion in uk schools. This is horrible. This is so sad , so is horrible. This is so sad, so sextortion is when somebody , sextortion is when somebody, either extract gets you to send them real compromising material orjust makes it up. You know, were always having stories about were always having stories about i faux porn and stuff, that kind of thing. And so this that kind of thing. And so this its something that teachers and parents are on have to look out for because its young boys are particularly susceptible to this, susceptible to being duped by it. Yes. Theyre very vulnerable targets. And what the people want is a typically, people want is a typically, people coming from africa. Its basically catfishing. On another level, its about getting money out of people. Yeah, but the problem is, if you do it to a 16 year old boy, theres a good chance he wont know what to do. And there have been lots of cases of suicide. God. So they wont send me. Send me a picture of yourself. I think so, i think so, and i think they may threaten to release that, too. Exactly. Were going to send this to all the contacts in your phone. And, the contacts in your phone. And, the parents in this article are trying to raise awareness of this because they lost their 16 year old son to suicide. Yeah horrible. Its actually happened to a lad who works on my podcast. He he was he they created a picture where his face next to a mock picture of another, part, and then they send that and they say, if you dont pay us, well send that around. He obviously didnt pay. They actually did send. It suddenly appeared on all his contacts lists, like his brothers friend and all sorts of things. So theres a real thing. And the fact that you say it affects, male victims between 14 and 18. Another horrible thing for young boys. Yeah. Hadnt realised that. So thats thats kind of weird, isnt it . Because you would think boys of that age just kind of, i dont know , goofily i of, i dont know, goofily i dont know, i dont picture them having the shame, but they do. Yeah. I mean, thats when youre really vulnerable. Youve got no sense of how you could get over things, i remember there was a photo. I went on a sort of scout camp, once , when sort of scout camp, once, when i was about 17 and, got absolutely blind drunk, passed out outside the house. We were staying in a sort of, you know, hut, face down in the leaves and a photograph circulated of me and l, photograph circulated of me and i, my trousers were lowered because id been, you know, relieving myself. And i dont know whether id tripped and fallen over or. But anyway, this photograph went around. It was photograph went around. It was pretty horrendous. And. But am i right in saying that in those days, a genuine photograph . No offence. Yeah, the one im talking about was was a fake, but that was real. Yeah, that this was real. Yeah, that this was real. Yeah. And it wasnt of my tote. It was just like, you know, a bit of a bit of bare cheek in the moonlight. I would hazard a guess that they had to photocopy them individually, whereas the point is this is happening on the internet. Im going to need therapy. Yeah. Anyway, now its terrible. I anyway, now its terrible. I would i know whether theres any of them watching, but i would honestly say just tough it out though. Thats the way. Exactly it is. So they want the teachers and the parents to have these conversations ahead of time, because if it happens to the kid and they feel isolated, thats when the worst can happen. And if anyone shares that sort of thing with you, youve just got to youve got to just immediately cancel it. Yeah. Because theyre talking about tech safeguarding. Its actually the persuasion element more than the persuasion element more than the tech itself. Its the tracking of it. Yeah. We are halfway through the show in part three astrazeneca revelations. Sick note culture or is it blue notes and the Top Destinations for amnesty students. Well and welcome back to headliners so we have the daily mail now, nick. And finally, all your most dissident views on Vaccine Mandates can be unleashed. Hate to say i was proved right, but astrazeneca admits for the first time its Covid Vaccine can cause a rare side effect. Intense legal fight with victims of defective jab and its a shocker. Basically, its a shocker. Basically, theres going to be cases worth up to 20 million in compensation and guess whos going to pay . Its johnny taxpayer because of course you release a questionable jab, you get legal immunity from the government. It then harms people. And then lo and behold, we have to pay even though their revenue exceeds 10 billion in the First Quarter of 2024, a rise of 19. We dont know how much is profit, but you can imagine probably quite a lot. Astrazeneca. I seem to remember they actually released the vaccine as actually released the vaccine as a non profit enterprise, didnt they . But i imagine their share price. But im saying they probably got enough money to tackle some of these legal fees rather than us. I dont have the money to tackle it. And i didnt get it, and i was against it. Why do i have to pay for it . Well fair enough. I mean, what the devil devils advocate, isuppose what the devil devils advocate, i suppose you might say, as taxpayers, the vaccine rollout , taxpayers, the vaccine rollout, at least as we understood it at the time, like save the country millions because of furlough schemes that were costing us vastly more than that at the time. So on balance, it was probably would happily have had this is this is obviously like not what is important to these people. Yeah. But if we didnt have lockdown and none of that would have well, i agree with you. I agree with you. But this is all like getting the conversation going, isnt it . Because up until recently, we just havent been allowed to discuss this at all . No. And now andrew bridgen is making progress and the conversation is starting to happen because, you know, the truth never sleeps. I mean, i dont know, its still very heated isnt it . In america, there was a big row Jordan Peterson had one on his podcast with that young chap called destiny. Yeah. Which is called destiny. Yeah. Which is quite odd sites. Weird information from wikipedia. Wikipedia. Yeah, but with quite a plausible sort of tone of voice. Yeah i dont understand how hes got where he is. Just called destiny. That used to be a pick up artist called that, i know. Anyway, but yeah, i mean, its the moral case. I think its still probably so few cases that you would still say, on balance, you would still say, on balance, you know, it would be it was a good thing for the nation. Not lockdown but the vaccines. But thats different from required people to take. We were that way. You might feel that the cost was just unbelievable for something that for, for a huge number of people didnt need it in the first place. Absolutely and people lost their livelihoods when they said no. I mean, thats outrageous. I just every week i feel more smug and i feel like im the only person that didnt get a really bad. People really kind of lost their sanity as well, didnt they . Or their their kind of sense of living in people. Yeah. I remember trying to discuss government overreach with a friend, and in the end, all the person could say was, well, its best to be on the safe side. They couldnt even have the conversation. Im furious about it. Still, the harm principle. So a divisive story in the mail now crested are another one. But i think perhaps most freelancers in comedy will have a singular view on this. The sick note culture clampdown thats dividing britain, disabled people and their carers slam plans to replace monthly benefit payments with vouchers, but others say it will stop abuse of the system. Will stop abuse of the system. So yeah, rishi apparently is proposing vouchers instead of pip pip proposing vouchers instead of pip pip payments. What does it stand for . Cant remember, personal personal independence payment. But what this article doesnt exactly say is what these vouchers are for. In some cases , its to get moderations, cases, its to get moderations, changes made to your home. So if youve had some sort of disability where you need, you get a rail or something. Yeah. Yeah. So fair enough, but i dont when you read the headline, you think, oh, they mean like, fruit and veg vouchers and youre not allowed to spend it on fags, but its not clear exactly. Is there something. This is a more general point, but do you think theres something about a certain age when you just cannot keep up with the new disability and welfare payments of one kind or another . They just seem , i or another . They just seem, i remember like jobseekers allowance and things like that. They seem to be from, i dont know, 20 or 30 years ago, just the constantly evolving and mutating series of financial benefits. I mean, they say, you know, the tax code just doubles in size every couple of years. No , the ever evolving no, the ever evolving bureaucratic complexity of the benefits system. Yeah. No ones ever managed to simplify it. Theyve tried to with universal credit. Yeah, maybe theyve done it a little bit. It all depends doesnt it. Weve got theres always anxiety and depression and things like that taking people out of the workforce, which shouldnt do that. So as ive said, if you cant work with anxiety and depression, then ive got no hope. But true. But you just, you know, you have to just work anyway. That is true. Sorry. Yeah that is true. Sorry. Yeah no it is. Tell me about it. And you get no sympathy. I can tell you that as well. But theres a minor here. An ex minor, 70 years old, disabled due to working his early life as a coal miner. Thats the guy i want to pay. Yeah, thats absolutely valid. The guys destroyed his body. Working hard. He should get money breathing in particulate matter. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The coal face. So. Absolutely. So its a problem because some people deserve it. But if we dont do something i imagine the entire benefit system collapsing. Then youve got yourself an apocalyptic scenario. So youve got to reduce it rather than when you say collapsing, you mean under its own weight. Yeah. I mean, because somewhere in here they talk about, i always think that is the most plausible when people talk about a failed state, when they talk about civilisations collapsing, you know, what does it actually look like . And i think that would be it. I think in our present world, that would be how it collapses. Yeah. Yeah. The welfare state ive heard people say thats how rome went. Yeah. One of my dads theories. Yeah. Part two. Yeah. Part two. Yeah. Because fundamentally youve got the ageing population and youve got the low birth rate. And thats the fundamental problem behind it. You have all these people more and more. Maybe they are all legitimate claims, but how do we afford them all. Yeah, thats a big problem. Well somebody like Matthew Paris saying youre absolutely right. People used to go to work with anxiety and depression, and they were often given powerful drugs like barbiturates and so on, to get through them that were no good for them. It was terrible. There shouldnt be a return to that, but to swing too far the other way and just say, you can stay home. You know, it is , its the slipperiest of is, its the slipperiest of slopes, absolute. Yeah, yeah. Okay, good. Were all on the same side. How many days off have you had in the last ten years, nick . Me too. Mental years, nick . Me too. Mental illness or, not anxiety . No i havent had a single. I think ive taken a single day off work on for anything. And that was gout. On for anything. And that was gout. You know, i got it was. So gout. You know, i got it was. So you allowed days off for good 19th century illnesses only generously. 19th century, 17th century illnesses handed checklist in the mail. Now for which universities to send your kids to if you want them to benefit from a bit of cultural enrichment. Yeah yeah. Its a third of foreign students seeking to stay in the uk at just six institutions, figures show, and theyre not the most augustines either. Its study group uk, which is just an education agency. Then its portsmouth de montford, hertfordshire. Coventry and the Creative Arts university, whatever that is. University of Creative Arts. But its theyre saying its not their fault because theyre saying its actually its the governments policy which allows you to switch visa from your education visa to just Asylum Seeker, and then suddenly youre an Asylum Seeker and so thats why you lose a z Asylum Seeker. Thats part of a trees irrigation infrastructure , i irrigation infrastructure, i think. Asylum showing up 158 iq again, so Asylum Seeker. Well, anyway, thats the point. Theyre blaming the government. The government . Well, i dont know if the government is blaming them, but the archewell sort of semi blaming them. And weve got this big problem. People come in for visa. Its a scam just to stay in the country as well as phrase was pretty apt. She said. Too many universities are selling immigration, not education. And thatis immigration, not education. And that is correct. That is exactly the suspicion, isnt it . And i dont care whether its individual universities or whether its the system, but its definitely would you say this is the thing, isnt it . I, i have some sympathy when they say, look its not us gov. Its the system. Fair enough. But then why are there so many at particular institutions like. Well, maybe god knows. Maybe it is because they tend to know that thats where their brother or cousin or someone they heard from went. You know, i mean, thats often why we are a target for immigration generally, isnt it . Because theres family hooking up. But it is very often, you know , these things. Often, you know, these things. Its like working in the Common Agricultural policy or something. You know, you get you get a telegram telling you what to plant that year and the same thing. The very few people are part of a real, you know, independent Decision Making progress, i think, process. I dont know, nick. What do you think . Theres a i dont know, im just worried this is going to get so much worse under labour. They they need to solve all this in like what a couple of months. Its up. Its like that moment when you wake up and you realise you havent done your homework, isnt it . After 14 years times now, cressida, i wonder if you could give us your aesthetically neutral take on this calling women pretty at work is sex discrimination. Judge rules , so this judge, judge rules, so this judge, has has ruled that suggesting a womans look might help a business is not flattering and instead risks diminishing her. But what really happened is that somebody who worked with somebody who worked with somebody who worked with somebody who was an old family friend had a kind of slightly naff exchange of Text Messages , naff exchange of Text Messages, and this has now resulted in a legal thing. And i just fall on the side of, okay, maybe its not to great text these things, but i think that this is a problem that as far as possible, women should solve immediately. Absolutely. And personally and the moment you start getting the authorities involved, i just think , what is the long term think, what is the Long Term Plan for this . Are you trying to make women unemployable and also it will elevate that womans status, a in the eyes of the people that she works with. And also in her own mind, she thinks im somebody who can say, yeah, personally, would not want to employ that person. No. But one thing is, i know the sexes are different as we believe here, but if this happens to a man, itd be amazing. We never get any compliments to. This lady has said she was humiliated and undermined. Its called work. Thats the workplace. I get humiliated , undermined every humiliated, undermined every day. By the way. Also, this not all women would treat like this. He had this relationship just with her. Which proves its not all women, right . Yeah. They were a very particular way. They were. They were friends and theyre friends blurring between, you know, my goodness me, in comedy, of course, everyones you know, this a lot of sort of this sort of blurring really shouldnt be taking up court time when we know. Right. Exactly. Important asylum cases, not legal. Thats three down, one to go in the final traditionally left field section we have zdtv switching on eu voices silenced and why losing your keys might actually be a strategic manoeuvre on the part of your and welcome back to headliners. So exciting news for the final section. Elon musk. Cressida so exciting news for the final section. Elon musk. Cressida in the daily mail. After space rockets and electric cars , hes rockets and electric cars, hes now invented television. Elon musk has teased the long anticipated launch of x tv after vowing to turn the site into an everything app, which will be compatible with most smart devices. So i think hes trying to recreate youtube. Yeah, which is exciting, isnt it . Because does this mean its the end of the end of free speech . If elons holding the keys to youtube, no one will get demonetised. Is that how it all works . I dont know, i havent really worked out how monetisation works. I think youve managed to get a few quid out of 252. Amazing. So i obviously i advocate x, but i dont know if im compromised now because im doing so well out of it. I mean, you actually do get genuinely you dont farm engagement. I mean, it grows my real opinion. You its real. Real opinion. You its real. Yeah. But i dont get much engagement. But its all that stuff you say, but yeah, no other people. But it has been a other people. But it has been a disaster for twitter. A lot of accountants accounts, a lot of accounts i used to like. Now just sort of go. Whats your favourite film with a pig in it, taylor swift guys, yes or no . I know, i know, farming engagement. Its awful. What do you notice about this clip . Yeah, well, the fact that youre trying to get money off me, i think, but what i love about musk, he had, like, a flickering tv logo. His logo. It looks like mtv in the 90s. Everything musk doesis mtv in the 90s. Everything musk does is a genius, but aesthetically, its all rubbish. Aesthetically, its all rubbish. But i love it because hes trying to take us back to the 90s. Max, isnt he . You know, kind of like, hey guys, lets be colour blind. Lets not be like, bother about race in every way you want and look at this rubbish graphic. He wants to go back to the 90s and i love it. Its absolutely true. And the 90s were the best decade. Its funny how we didnt realise. I think we kind of knew semi new time. Yeah, yeah it did. No, it was good. I did know i was blessed, but yeah, absolutely. I cannot imagine that im going to sit around in the evening watching anything to do with twitter on a tv screen though, i mean, oh you will, you will, simon, you will. Yeah. Itll be like apple tv but be x tv, therell be no other choice anyway because musk will shut everyone else down. A benign dictatorship of musk. Okay, well, if theres lots of American Music club videos, maybe staying with twitter adjacent news. Nick, this is woeful even by mastodon standards in the telegraph. Yeah , that was mastodon that yeah, that was mastodon that he said, by the way, its perfectly allowed for brussels scraps. Privacy friendly twitter rival with just 18 active accounts. So the eu had this lame thing eu voice and it was like, oh, we can do a sort of it was based on a technology provided by mastodon, like, hey, lets have our own twitter. But it was rubbish and no one cared because theyre lame losers. It was based on peertube, which is an open source technology. Peertube and it was 40. Lame. I know 40. I know that mastodon was a thing for a while, wasnt it . Amongst the remainers centrist. Im just going to go to mastodon guys. You can find my mastodon and no one. It didnt take off because it was rubbish and boring. Theyll be here any minute now. Yeah, yeah , 40 eu bodies now. Yeah, yeah, 40 eu bodies and politicians have signed up for eu voice, but only 18 of them were active because its a rubbish idea that cant compete with the mighty musk. And its rubbish. This is somebodys work. Its called Network Effect i think. Is that right . Its a sort of scale thing. Geoffrey west wrote a whole book about it. Fascinating called scale, about why, like, whales are more effective than insects and why cities have, you know, a city can be ten times the population of a town , but have at least of a town, but have at least 100, if not a thousand times as many. Interesting things to do that evening. These things scale, you know, the way that networks happen. Its very interesting. But i mean, you dont need to read the whole book to have known this was a book to have known this was a book that makes. Yeah, this is like trying to say my new nickname is everyone calls me it. No oh, yeah. It has to write yourself. I mean, i did it with big dog for a bit, but yeah, its giving yourself. Boris did it with his own nickname, big dog. Thats why i copied that. We have to move on. Were going to squeeze a couple more in. Weve got encouraging, encouraging news now for those of us of a certain age. Cressida in the telegraph. In the telegraph. Forgetting where your keys or wallet are does not mean youre losing your memory, scientists say. So apparently it just means that actually you you need a bit more space for other important things. Itsjust more space for other important things. Its just not important to you. Youd think where your keys were would be important to you. But it is important. And ill tell you why. Because its infuriating when you cant find them and you get into a bad temper that can take quite, quite a few minutes to clear even after youve found them. You know . I mean, i can spend whole afternoons. Ive got a routine about it, but it is. I dont think the brain is making good decisions. What are you. Well, isnt it unconscious competence . You know, like when youre driving, you dont need to think about it consciously anymore. So thats why you dont notice in this case where you put your. Although i suppose if it was competence, youd find them. So maybe its unconscious incompetence. It is that thing. Its definitely when you come in and you put your keys down, youre not thinking about where you put them down. Its not that you cant remember, its that youre not paying attention when you put them down. Which is why you need. Gentlemen, can i introduce you to hand bags in the same way that you never lose your toothbrush because it only goes there. Well, i dont lose stuff. Im trying to relate to simon, but its the. Its the little. I dont lose my keys. The little airpod case with your headphones. Thats the one that gets me. Yeah. Its usually like ihave gets me. Yeah. Its usually like i have one. I cant carry a handbag. Obviously, until we manage to do away with this trans business once and for all. Thats whats annoying me about it, you know . But i have had i have worn enormously large kind of, you know, bumbag. Yeah, yeah, but my wife says that looks more gay than a handbag. Shes probably right about that. I dont know , right about that. I dont know, but balance. I just want to Say Something thats great, though. And maybe a sport running 93v 933 93 obviously. Obviously. Can you with a sperm with it . Anyway, thats thats all weve had time to show. Amazing. Amazing. Sadly, no time to look at the mental capacity of the t rex and whether he used to lose his keys all the time. The show is nearly oven all the time. The show is nearly over. Lets take another quick look at tuesdays front pages. Daily mail all schools warned on sextortion epidemic. Telegraph sextortion epidemic. Telegraph sex is a biological fact nhs declares guardian yusuf quits as first minister after coalition gamble triggers snp crisis. The times snp lurches into another crisis as its leader quits anus pip disability benefit could be cut using new system with six tiers. And finally, the daily star creepy jez will kill 18 billion sluts. Those we have front pages. Thats all we have time for. My thanks to my guests, Cressida Wetton and nick dixon on this glorious evening. We are yusuf free. Im back tomorrow at 11 pm. With leo kearse and stephen allan. If you kearse and stephen allan. If you are watching at 5 am. Stay tuned for breakfast. Otherwise thank you for your time and good night. That warm feeling inside from boxt boilers is sponsors of weather on gb news. Time for your latest weather update from the met office here on gb news. Good evening to you tomorrow more wet weather to come in parts of the west, whereas in the east it will start to feel fairly warm in the late april sunshine. Low pressure is still dominating, but its kind of slow moving and its in these Western Areas where weve seen outbreaks of rain today that we will again see them tomorrow. Staying fairly damp overnight across south wales, southwest england, the rain easing a little across parts of scotland, the heavy showers also easing in Northern Ireland, at least for a time, staying largely clear across east anglia and the south east. Temperature wise, a bit warmer than recent nights, most urban areas at least staying up at 7 to 10 c. On to tuesday. And as i said, its a bit of an east west split. Well start with a lot of cloud across northern england, but im hopeful itll brighten up here. There will be further rain for wales and Northern Ireland, some heavy rain as well. The yellows and the reds in there and also fairly wet for parts of southwest england. Pretty gusty in these Western Areas as well. A few showers in western scotland, but a good part of scotland dry much of northern england, the midlands, east anglia and the southeast having a fine old day and it will feel a bit warmer as well. Look at those temperatures 17, 18, maybe even 19 celsius, but still on the cool side where weve got the cloud and the breeze and the outbreaks of rain further west from that area of low pressure that does pull away, allowing some warmer weather to move in over the next few days. But it is not going to be dry everywhere. There will still be some heavy rain around. A brighter outlook with boxt solar sponsors of weather on. News. Its 9 pm. Im Patrick Christys tonight. Dodi ole ole, ole we will not allow ireland ole we will not allow ireland to return Illegal Immigrants to the uk. Illegals use kids the uk. Illegals use kids as human shields. And this is classic. Your cities and regions are the engine of change in our continent. The place where identity meets inclusion. Identity meets inclusion. Oh yeah. You reap what you sow 10. 2. No wonder the eu wants to copy rwanda and yet another british pakistani predominantly anyway rape gang and is finally being exposed. Also as a black person. Im feeling bullied by the bbc, my employer for being black, a gb news exclusive exposing unbelievable woke rabid left wing bias at the bbc. Plus, when you look across