[ cheering and applause ] greg yes. Alright. I have to say i agree with all of you. Happy monday everyone. Im sure youve heard in the new book admits to slaughtering a puppy because she didnt like it so as our vp, chances plummet and one man spoke up and said dont judge her, she had her reasons and you still have the puppy lying around. What . Heats dogs. You wouldnt think that would let that pass . She claims she shot the dog because i had an aggressive personality but isnt the definition of aggressive personality shooting a puppy . [laughter] anyway, i bet her kids are well behaved. Later, open fire on Campus Protesters once she heard they were in pup tents. And i heard alec baldwin wants to hire her for a remake of benji. Its either that or 100 dalmatians. Every sql gets less and less. 99. President joe biden tapped steven spielberg, the director behind e. T. To tell joes story and has a lot in common and that neither one knows how to get home. A dolly parton launching her own line of wine and not surprisingly only available in jugs. I feel bad. Adulthood boeing had to return to jfk l port after emergencies life fell off and in response, a rep for spirit air said whats an Emergency Slide . And reportedly, top i need try to oust because she doesnt have a grasp On The Issues and doesnt spend the time to learn and apparently her only qualification is that shes a black lesbian so either Press Secretary or date oprah. Anti israel protesters at harvard flew a palestinian flag which replace the one usually there. White house Correspondents Dinner on saturday with 2600 journalists and celebrities and people who are neither. Protesters staged mock executions outside the white house Correspondents Dinner clear mind of them are interested in a hunger strike. At the dinner, biden joked he was a grown man running against the six yearolds and said this right after a waiter had to cut his food. Eva plumb who played jan in the breeding bunch is 66 today and eve spans plans to spend the day, totally and marshas shadow. I figured that would land better. There is a new ai powered Death Calculator that can accurately predict when you will die. Is very popular among her dogs. Alright, enough of that crap. After being criticized for avoiding the media actual biden meet public appearances to disprove the notion that he is dead. And who did he start with . Howard stern and thats right, the king of all media interviewed the petrified of all media and a weird appearance and howard stern did not look that great either. But what an appearance that was of course joe had trouble hearing the questions not because of his age but howard had his head so far up the president s president s asspresident s ass that it was my folds. It wasnt an interview but a luminous. Only thing missing was a blue dress and an actual president and a queer indication that the king of all media the queen of all bjs. In maybe stern got a sex change because all i saw when i look at this interview was one giant leap. Who knew the stern show was a safe space for Spineless Babbling Geriatrics and also joe biden . What was really notable was how stern lapped up all the lies joe spend more yarn then mother goose on crystal meth but that is the dems dilemma, hydro and have them look demented or have him talk and have them remove all doubt. More of more for more hog than joe behars bathtub. First of all joe live how we got busted at a protest. I remember the true story when they were De Segregating Lynn Phil the neighborhood with 70 homes built in suburbia and there was a black family and people down there protesting and i told you not to go down there and you went down and remember that . Got arrested for standing on the porch of the black family and they brought you back the police and i said i remember that. Greg whenever he says true story arc thats a tipoff. I bet the mom recalls this differently as back then she remembers him saying will someone please tell that white kid to get off her porch . He keeps sniffing our babies here. Of course no one can find a record of this arrest and claims a runnerup in State Scoring in football. Not a lot of people know you were a Star Receiver in high school in the first stream guy and the guy who caught the ball. Growing up a State Scoring i thought what the heck. Greg stern knows his life story better than he does. s i suppose the best evidence joe biden played football is the brain damage. Stern didnt ask another Phony Question about being a lifeguard did you ever save anyones life as a lifeguard . Yes, half a dozen times usually younger kids. Do the thing with the whistle and jump in . Greg half a dozen kids. Member the good old days when howard stern interviewed more intelligent people that could maintain a line of thought like crack cores . And told the president he had a very cinematic life and whats up with stern as a feels like he became everything he used to hate but maybe thats all he really wanted as the role of the everyman and act in a conduit for acceptance by the elites who used to hate him and then theres joe saying a senator and the seventies he was made the most eligible bachelor. Its like when i met jill, when i lost my family, i got put on the bachelors list and so a lot of lovely women but very salacious pictures and i would give them to the Secret Service. Greg senators dont get a Secret Service detail. Joe biden didnt get one until 2008 and he showed them his gratitude by Swimming Nude in front of them in the pool. You can read the headline theyre, im too lazy. You have to wonder who joe is giving these pictures too if there are a bunch of retired senate ushers with liz warren wearing only a feather . Howard stern is the only guy that makes seth meyers look cuttingedge. He really did reinvent himself one from being a funny acyl to just a boring one. The drink of the night was vinegar and water because thats what you serve at a douchebag convention. Now the event is held in a huge Ballroom In Dc which is ironic since theres never been anyone spotted there with a pair of Balls Thousands of Media Politician and celebs gather to tell each other how great they are, its like working through kim jong own with weak people pretending to like a tyrant so they dont get eaten by his dog. Call in Jos Claim To Fame is banging Scarlett Johansson but you should claim that fame cockeyed get it. But from the podium, he did what was expected in made a few jokes and those were the nonfox media having all the sting of a knock knock joke and its hard to say which had less real teeth akaka stern, bidens. He made his comedy turn into a preachy devotional to biden as the jokes were not funny at all but express amazement how it could be possible america could prefer trump to joe and asked for the prez, received Standing DonationStanding Ovation for managing to stand. The story is what you didnt hear on stern or in dc and thats whats happening in and to america. No wonder theyd rather talk about trump who isnt president as its hard to make jokes about violent crime, war, Mental Illness akaka squatting, homelessness tech illegal immigration, a fentanyl, transit militancy and american hostages but its better to seclude yourself from the Rabble Surroug and wealth comfort and power and hope the rest of the america wont notice but we do in in a way stern and biden are a lot alike masquerading as men of the people find people gross but in any consolation, the feeling is mutual. [ cheering and applause ] she has been called a cougar more often than john mellencamp. And his agent is the one with a sense of humor. Writer and comedian joe. And she moonlights as a skeleton in a medical school, [applause] jill, youve been in new york since a long time and some say too long. Listening to howard stern deliver each set up with a question giving like you were a lifeguard right . If felt sad for me to hear at any time biden says true story, you know its not true because a true story is true on its own. The most painful session of foreplay and you never have the orgasm and it just goes on and on and on and there was no happy ending but his stories interesting because its interesting every time he says true story and its complete [bleep] but nobody was eaten and did not tell a story once about cannibalism striking his family which was tragic back in world war ii as his uncles plane went down but was not eaten unlike Joe Biden Story but found the specific ocean but i dont think thats considered cannibalism and have it will debate if you cant tell a story strait . And i would be afraid to put them up against my actual 7yearold in a debate and talks about trump being the equivalent of a six or 7yearold but i dont think he could be creative in a 7yearold debate and she would eat him alive. I dont think hell actually debate but i think he said that because he was in lala land because he was on Howard Sterns show. Greg winston, you were from england correct . How are you on the Current Events and your thoughts on the selection and watching with a certain level of bemusement or disgust . Winston all of that. Its Great Television and i know both of them pummeling in their Approval Ratings but at the wrong ratings youre looking at. Look at the tv ratings and its a fantastic drama and lets hope it gets better. Greg what you make of what youve seen in biden . Winston this howard stern thing if i may, howard stern is a story there and reminds me of late stage michael jackson. He got the work done but. Howard stern now he sing all the right things that he is not woke in trying to be all mr politically correct in the least Political League correct person in this country. Greg why do you think he made that switch . I called the second wife syndrome i think its allowing a free pass for the past and he doesnt want to get canceled so youre the expert on this. Winston its total nonsense is the biden stuff and the interview but howard stern, what a hypocrite its like the trans stuff that i know you did the work and got the boob job but you are a bloke. [laughter] [applause] greg perfect segue to you joe as you got work done. What do you make of we havent touched on the white house correspondents center and have you ever gone to that . Im not allowed to go anywhere near places like that or places and mostly the School Grounds and playgrounds. And we saw howard stern that his cold cuts thrown at Strippers Asses was his peak but i do believe joe biden, police took him away from a black Family Portrait that happen in the last couple of weeks when he wandered off when you watch the whole thing, its bad enough that howard stern has to give him these leading questions but he had to explain to him what a lifeguard was. Thats how demented he is. You had a swimsuit . You when the water . In biden just has to go but the Correspondents Dinner, will happen speaking truth to power . Youre supposed to have an adversarial relationship with the president as a press but he had to put jim acosta and hadlock every week and it was great as the press is supposed to be fighting with the president and not let him sit there or baby the president because he wears a diaper. Thats not fair. I did miss him not saying his difficult Reading Stage Directions from the teleprompter and i love when he says pause and serial number 8365 samsung model so for biden, a pretty good interview and biden. Greg unocal, you are too long to be brought up on howard stern but he hated don ines and i think he is awoke don imus and i know that makes no since to you and i want to get it out there into the universe. Kat so you dont have a question. Greg you are a professional and can launch into an opinion and thats what makes me different. Kat this was not live so what was the stuff that got cut out . Thats what i want to know because thats the stuff thats the best things that we have and also just his resting face its like me at a party when someone stern explained the rules of a new card game to me werent confused and pretending to listen but trying to think of how i can make a stop and get out of there. Greg his eyes squinted down and its like me during a sexualharassment training. [laughter] kat i would be so uncomfortable interviewing someone like that because is not really an interview because you say a few words and he says a few words and none of it is accurate. Greg tragedy. Up next, bidens number takes a dive as her dog is still not alive. Get out of the way as if watching my team lose wasnt punishment enough. What are you looking at huh. Its a one speed. Hahaha. Hahaha. And if you have cut rate Car Insurance, odds are youll be paying for that yourself. So, get allstate and be better protected from mayhem. Like me. Hey, im walking here everyday chaos. This mothers day, help mom take it in stride with thoughtful gifts from weathertech. From Playing In The Rain with muddy cleats on the floorliners. To dirty Camping Reminders in the cargo liner. Spunky toddlers testing out the allpurpose mat. Epic food fights contained by the seat protector. Add a cupfone to secure her phone and just like that. Youve made moms life easier. 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Mix in the most unpopular president at this point in his first term in the past 70 years and its interesting how that happens as he broke obamas record for most votes cast for an american president ial candidate so the president with the most votes ever cant find enough of them to help him move a couch. Meanwhile, what the hell is south dakota governor kristi noem thinking . She just took her vp chances out to a gravel pit and shot it. After admitting that so she did to on trainable farm dog. What a charming anecdote to include in a book who was her editor . Michael vick . Seriously. Killing a puppy for misbehavior is like nuking france for not shaving their armpits. Its a little harsh. So anyway, polls show biden is in real trouble which tells you everything you need to know about trump trial as you become americas choice for president , only option is election interference in their only strategy is to remove him from the Playing Fields and give voters the chance. Instead of letting the election unfold, trying to take them out back an untreatable dog except in this case, is not outback but doing it right in front of you. Announcer . Greg winston, i know in england you have dogs. [laughter] greg is it customary for rural parts of england that you will decide youll shoot a dog because its poorly trained . Jill winston i think you have us all wrong. I think its fantastic and not tell you why and its very important as we need psychopaths and the white house. Look what happens when you dont have one in the white house. We need someone and you think youll have gaza plaza and the Columbia University . If you have nutters in the white house, thats what happens at so she has my vote. Greg that is actually the argument that she was making the eye make the tough decisions and this was a tough decision although i dont know how tough it is to shoot a puppy when you could have taken it to a shelter and i like kristi noem but i find this a bit awed. A little strange because when you think of someone has a transgression that they can always fall back on its not like theyre out there killing pup. So i dont know who was a who told her that even said a better politician would not have put that in a book. Even a really crappy politician wouldnt. Who put caps and, yeah, tell her to put the Dog Shooting Saurian so im curious to what people think is going on with president ial dogs because its escalating because romney put his anna booth and on a roof and ill tell you this about bidens dogs as crazy as they were, those dogs were shot back. Greg at one correction and i think obama only ate one dog part of a meal in indonesia if i remember my facts correctly and sometimes i dont like to remember them but in this case i must because well talk about this for the rest of the year. You wrote a book and you have an editor and an agent and people discuss what goes in and what doesnt and an editor is going to tell you, dont put this in the book and she wanted to put a dent because it was probably already going to come out. Kat then you. Arent you a politician . Who is going to tell . The dog . The dog cant talk, especially not now. I wondered how this came out and she putted out and i dont understand why you would share this and im saying that a someone who say that about me all the time as why would she shared that but you could not water board that information out of me and theres nothing you could do to say yes, i killed a puppy and theres an Editing Process and so many chances you have maybe i want to take that part out about me shooting a puppy. Greg i think she had to weigh i could be be vp and the story is out there because i talked about it so i have to get it out there but it was poorly per trade. You dont kill a puppy because you dont like it right . I get it if it attacked an animal or a person but this is poorly articulated. Kat when you kill, you never speak about it. Greg thats what my uncle used to tell. We call our backyard drifter heaven. Julie, you want to talk about the poll or the dogs . Its funny because one of the things no one wants to talk about but once you start, you cant stop. I think her Damage Control attempt is really smart and she came out and said we kill horses. Shes like we killed two horses a couple weeks ago . But they probably had them euthanize like most people do when youre pet is dying or you have an animal you want to get rid of or annex. My ex. Greg more murder. What we need. I think that more tough decision is try to train the puppy were give it to but just taking it out to a gravel pit seems like a snap decision. Easiest decision as to not [applause] ill be okay. Does this look ok . ugh. How do i protect myself . With the new Scotts Healthy Plus lawn food. Its the only product that prevents 27 diseases while feeding your grass to help keep your lawn healthy this season. Want me to show you how to put it on . No, i think i know how to use a spreader. Pick up a bag of the new Scotts Turf Builder healthy plus lawn food today. Feed your lawn. Feed it. This is steve. Steve takes voquezna. This is steves stomach, where voquezna can kick some acid, heal acidrelated damage to the esophagus called erosive esophagitis, and relieve related heartburn. Voquezna is the first and only fdaapproved treatment of its kind. 93 of adults were healed by two months. Of those healed, 79 stayed healed. And voquezna can provide heartburnfree days and nights. Other serious Stomach Conditions may still exist. Dont take if allergic to voquezna or while on products with rilpivirine. Voquezna may cause serious side effects including kidney problems, diarrhea, bone fractures, severe skin reactions, low vitamin b12 or magnesium levels, and stomach growths. 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Handsfree, thats great Admission Greenview Speeding in a 55 and 35. Greg i know. [crowd boos] what i did was wrong no excuses and i take full responsibility for my actions and i fell short of the values ive held my entire career and i didnt treat this officer with the respect he deserved and had just come from work dealing with three homicides that occurred over the weekend and i watched a video were an Innocent Cabdriver executed and i was still reeling from a frightening medical concern my husband received that afternoon but we all have bad days and stress and it was wrong for me to take it out on an officer simply doing his job. Greg one thing i noticed this or change in her face like when i look at the Angry Karen Face or the entitled face and then it has this change. Kat i woke up and rochester where this happened and i wish i wouldve known this and it wouldve driven passed her house to toilet paper it. Theres no excuse why did you say im the da . You couldve not made it more clear. Greg its true joe, she was basically i think she opened herself up for a lot of future problems. Will a Da Stands For Dumb Will A da stands for dumb ass but whenever you have to make the revised statement, you are done in maybe by the fourth time , shall have the apology right but i dont want to see her tearyeyed talking about your values because how you live shows your values and if this was 20 miles over the speed limit and not pulling over, we would picking pavement out of our teeth because cops wouldve thrown us down rightfully so so she wants to show her values, resign. Shes gotta go. [applause] greg julia, have you ever been pulled over by the police . I can talk my way out of any ticket you have to start by not calling the cop and also pulling over but i do a little Investigative Journalism on this bench and i googled her and she was once democrat so did not respire in meet did not surprise me she had no respect so she shook showed her true colors and apology was clearly on sincere and disgusting. Greg its funny because i wonder winston if thats how she acted assuming she wasnt being filmed . Winston im sure americans dont like to hear an english person saying too many things about their country because ill preface this by saying i love america and im biased and i think my country is the best and america is the second. Greg are we going to have to be you guys again . Winston The War Of Independence was our independence and got rid of you. Greg thats good. Speech at not a joke but one thing so frustrating here is there is an elite class who show such contempt for working people and in this case, is the Police Officers and i just cant believe anyone could have and them to act like that in the first place and i see this in on the television and in the media and i just dont understand this disdain these people have for ordinary working people and i get quite upset about it. Greg it is a classist way and she should know better. She works with cops. She assumed no one was watching and its like they say, maybe you shouldnt dance as if no ones watching. Dont know what im talking about and why am i quoting maroon five . Oh, my god. That was a good segment. Coming up, what did Seinfeld Sas About Comedy Today . One a day is formulated with key nutrients to support whole body health. One a day. Science that matters. From the 1 rated brand in cordless outdoor power, the ego zeroturn riding mower with esteer technology. 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[ applause ] greg Jerry Seinfeld say the politically correct this why nothing really affects comedy as people needed and they dont get, a used to be you come home at the end of the day and most people go cheers is on or mash or all of the family and youre just expecting theres funny stuff but guess what. Where is it . This is the result of the extreme left and pc crop and people worrying so much about offending other people. Greg cheers and mash and all and the family and he really is 70. Joe, hes talking about sitcoms and not really about stand up. Do you find that when he comes home youre making a good point that there are no sitcoms that actually there to make you laugh but there almost to instruct. Recently saw an episode of the jeffersons and could not believe how hard i was laughing and really funny stuff and you see people who speak out about this its seinfeld, jk rowling, Dave Chapelle have f. You money but shows you need to have a lot of money to caf you to whats going on in the culture so i know for me, f. You money is when you see how small the check im receiving is and thats their way of saying few but he makes a good point that comedy is not supposed to be politically correct but subversive but comedians dont sit the front of the classroom and the back so he makes a good point. Greg as a musician, you got in trouble for liking a treat if i remember. Winston a Book By American Journalist andy documenting the blm riots and the Antifa Movement of 2020 and the think about, they havent just ruined comedy but music, hollywood, publishing and everything and the thing im a little bit annoyed is its 2024, its late and he couldve said this eight years ago. Hilary lost the election in 2016 and is not a breaking story but this is old news. Greg he has talked about this before but he wouldnt do colleges because of the pc but its fine and theres a lot of people taking risks here julie. Yes. I dont think comedians take risks anymore because theyre afraid of getting canceled thats the problem is the whole Council Debate is on everyones minds. Greg i disagree and i thank you do see people basically on rogans show and all the people i mentioned in my having a stroke . But there are people out there. Comedians are afraid of offending the whole culture that is now dominating celebrities and comedy clubs. Greg you were on my show young lady and do you find that here . Im intimidated in maybe its your height. Greg why are you laughing . Should he have said this sooner . He said it a few times. Kat your knocking into colleges anyway because people dont know who we is but that level of money but a lot of the shows he mentioned really old shows ive never seen but applies more recently and it did not mean to offend you personally and i apologize but the Office Millennials all rewatch the office over in over again. Greg theres a lot of stuff you could never do andy. You look at him dylan, shane gillis, these are all guys thriving in a really interesting climate and now woke is helping you because by rebelling against the woke, develop a strong audience. We have to move on and willt coins new designwa display californias decline . Shingles is a painful, blistering rash that can last for weeks. Ahhh, theres nothing like a day out with friends. Thats nice, but shingles doesnt care 99 of adults 50 years or older already have the virus that causes shingles inside them, and it can reactivate at any time. A perfect day for a Family Outing guess what . Shingles doesnt care. But shingrix protects. Only shingrix is proven over 90 effective. Shingrix is a vaccine used to prevent shingles in adults 50 years and older. Shingrix does not protect everyone and is not for those with severe allergic reactions to its ingredients or to a previous dose. An increased risk of guillainbarre syndrome was observed after getting shingrix. Fainting can also happen. The most common side effects are pain, redness, and swelling at the Injection Site, muscle pain, tiredness, headache, shivering, fever, and upset stomach. Shingles doesnt care. But shingrix protects. Ask your doctor or pharmacist about shingrix today. Announcer a story in five words. Greg governor gavin newsom asked the public for help deciding a new one dollar coin the highlights of the states innovations and a lot of submissions. They did not go very well for him. The mentor crime, homelessness, sky high cost of living. What would you put on the coin . You know its bad win youre getting roasted online by coin collectors. I think they should have one with hundreds of thousands of californians can relate to nsos welcome to texas. Greg lets throw one up. I have a coin i came up with. This is the pelosi even when the earth shakes, her face never moves. With this a good idea . Kat i have a coin because california brought me one could think. Good think. Says im the best thing to come out of california in 15 years and im literally from the dumpster. Greg winston, you are in the Music Business and must go to california frequently. Winston last time in San Francisco a year ago i walked out of my hotel and someone crapped in front of me on the street and i turned a corner and a giant mural for Greta Thunberg they had blm flags and the trans flags and thought what is going on . Its a dystopian future. Greg it really is and its sad but true and heres a pelosi coin for when money is tight. 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