Transcripts For FOXNEWSW FOX 20240703

Welcome to Special Coverage of the white house Correspondence Dinner. I am jimmy failla live from the white carpet where members of the media gathered tonight to do what they do best which is drink. Im pretty sure fox has me hosting this to keep me away from the open bar although the nice thing about washington d. C. As we dont have to worry about anyone drinking and driving because all our cars are stolen as we speak. Heres a live look whats happening inside the party right now. One thing i do have to say is everyone for first of the Correspondence Dinner as note from and that is some spot on analysis. Dont get me wrong, there are tons of celebrities but we are celebrating the press so feels like nba allstar we can for people who got last and jim. This years event works 130 edition of the dinner making it the same age as nancy pelosi but imagine there have been changes over the years. For instance, when Chauvin Coolidge attended the first dinner in 1921, guests were treated to an entree chicken tonight to honor President Biden, the menu is all cannibalism. While it was common for president and catholic to smoke cigars in the 1920s, it wasnt until the 1990s president clinton began sharing cigars with the interns. We are not here to take chocolate political rivals because as you know, my show is a cable news take party where everyone is welcome to hang out. Even crazy ladies on the streets of d. C. Look whos here. Karina in the house. Shes like in her feel. With got to come to these. We love you, youre the coolest. White House Press Secretary karine jeanpierre. My mom is watching at home and she totally thinks that was tracy but shot up to kjv because it our country feels polit politically, tonight is a chance to take a break from the fighting. Some might even call it a pause. Imagine what we can do next, for more years. [chanting] listen, we make fun of the president mental state all the time but he keeps telling everyone he knows when election day comes, hes going to beat harry truman. Joe will give remarks on the second hour of live coverage and ill be here to translate as much as i can enter in clinch all jokes aside, i want to thank the white house for a Tour Yesterday and exclusive footage of my big day at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and tonight show. Until then, hanging out with fox faves and celebrity such as the great dennis who not only played builtins lenten in a movie but also Ronald Reagan in an upcoming film. We talked with the twoterm president earlier. Let me ask you this because we are excited to see you portray reagan but having played clinton first, its got to be a different experience. My very first scene doing reagan was the scene for the pope is shot and watching tv, we are going to get information about that right away. [laughter] just like that. [laughter] it stuck with. My entire interview will air on the express edition of fox news Saturday Night because this week its all about superstars in attendance at the white house Correspondence Dinner like my very first guest of the evening joining me now, the Cable News Ball Host of Fox News Sunday, im talking about her electrically Shannon Brame is here. You say superstar, who could live up to that . We look like we are on dancing with the stars. A couple in this room can out fans us. Im not going to speak for you knowing mike dans abilities, i will say yes, somebody will out dance me. I will say there names are not joe and jill. I dont know, who will have to see. A lot of yoga. You are on early because you host Sunday Morning tv show so you will not wind up waking up tomorrow with a face tattoo like my staff. Are you concerned some of the Fox News Sunday guests get to the set in one piece . Its possible because i was sitting next to nothing turley, legal expert for tomorrow as you know. He was not wrapping up so i do know if hes going to roll in on fumes but even him on fumes is better than me on my best day. Surely isnt another leak and we can see when you talk about legal analyst, you got early and girl and my cousin vinny. A tough to. She got the job done. I love it. Im not downgrading her status with all the things pending in the Supreme Court, did we check the audience the robes tonight . No robes but alisa former robe tomorrow we got an interview with former Supreme Court Justice Stephen brian. I asked him about the campaign protests on campuses. I asked him about pressure on justices to retire so hes got the inside scoop. This matters, why you watch Fox News Sunday, folks and theres a lot of people, we have a lot Crossover Viewership because the people who dvr my show are usually just getting home when yours comes on. We were already on this channel. I want to be clear because my viewers, mike fans are seeing two of you when they turn on the tv so double ratings. Seeing double on Sunday Mornings. Anybody whos spent time with you, im grateful they spend time with me. Your buttering me up. Was the food served yet . What am i missing . Estate situation, trimmed and state situation. Conned me into to cosmos, that might have something to do with how im doing so far. [laughter] the frozen drink machine, they call her she has a margarita maker so i love it. Forecast always calls for mudslides. You are talking my moms love language and i think shes watching. She is . Thats a big deal. These are things i dont find out when im running around. Theres no way to hide it once we are live. The president is going to get up and give a speech. I can see them, touch them. Your seats are still good lets be clear. How we get in because i dress like a waiter. You are like a nice waiter. Solid waiter, lets be clear but you are so close, you can see bidens teleprompter, how they removed the Stage Directions so he doesnt read by accident . All i saw was jill biden, hes sitting there eating dinner getting ready for whats coming next and i think they are pumped, they note tonight a lot of people will be watching. Remember his State Of The Union, the last big speech everybody was watching and felt good how he came out of the gate. He said hes ready to go. At the State Of The Union he might have been sitting at janice dreams table, he might have been hopped up. She is an eyesight have President Biden i almost at president trump. Well have to wait and see. There are technical difficulties happening. Theres a lot of things happening but one thing are fox does better than anyone in the world is we have the best crews, sound, best everybody. They make us look so good because to be clear, i am standard definition pretty. And high definition, got a problem though. We got a lot of good stuff. Writing camera producers, we truly are family they are fantastic they make us look good. Will get her out of here, she does it and every party, i promised i wouldnt let it happen watch Fox News Sunday with Shannon Brame, the greatest in a shot. Take care we got two full hours white house Correspondence Dinner on fox news Saturday Night. Tonights biggest celebrities and Box Favorites coming up next. Look at this one. When they heard i work on fox news, Biden Administration was nice enough to send me a limousine to the shoot today. They need their lawn back fast and you need Scotts Turf Builder Rapid Grass. It grows grass 2 times faster than just seed alone. Giving you a stronger lawn. Smell that freedom, eh . Get Scotts Turf Builder Rapid Grass today, its guaranteed. Feed your lawn. Feed it. husband we just want to have enough money for retirement. wife and travel to visit our grandchildren. Fisher Investments i understand. Thats why at Fisher Investments we start by getting to know each other. So i can learn about your family, lifestyle, goals and needs, allowing us to tailor your portfolio. wife what about commissionbased products . Fisher Investments we dont sell those. Were a fiduciary, obligated to act in your best interest. husband so how do your Management Fees work . Fisher Investments we have a transparent fee, structured so we do better when you do better. At Fisher Investments, were clearly different. Me now On The Red Carpet the Stress Senator at the party, pennsylvanias only betterment. You deserve a fashion live for this. Im the best dressed. Does anyone have anything for my mattress . I did know bob menendez was here. Whats going on . Is a how we are paying for tonights dinner . I hope hes here although i dont know. I love this, give me one question. I dont know if you can answer this. Eagles or steelers . Its clearly the steelers and if anyone from pennsylvania understand my next answer. Im always on the right side. I am probe sheets, you just won the boat, thank you. Welcome back to fox news Saturday Night here the red carpet. White house Correspondence Dinner we got truly special joining us now, democratic strategists and im honored to have him here because lets face it, the most democrats Saturday Night taking small children to drag shows. A general in the Jimmy Failla Fashion Army and all the fox news platforms. In getting behind her. The best, kt pavlich. [applause] happy note from. I will have you know, i was really welcomed, the white house showed me around yesterday. You are all over it. Greeted me with the sniper, it may be go special. I thought the drone strike was a nice touch met long before jimmy showed up. Ready on the walk was like not even a joke. Might scratch that out. Us to quickly because tonight is friendly fire night, republican and democrat on and everyone On The Red Carpet you all see home this evening held fire except the democrat who trained on a fellow Democrat Fetterman called out bob menendez for nuzzling gold bars cleaning up, what you do . Menendez needs to get out. He is the absolute worst. Spoken like a guy who didnt get a kickback mcgonagle jersey guy. Mike mercedes, thats what i want. Easy for him to say that, governors of new jersey democrat. I think probably that would not hold onto that seat. American hero. The silver line in politics, they dont look, folks. Of all the emails about getting gold bars of nigeria, menendez actually did. My client is an inspiration. As a general in the fashion army and the expectation is always there. He put a bar somewhere, people accusing her style as performanceenhancing drugs at this time. Stick with me. Not taking gold bars from y you. Lets rate the fetterman fashion, or a sweatshirt but obviously he put adorned it with a jokey time like a tuxedo. Kind of humorous take on a situation thats been delicate one during his time in senate, can you give him a free pass . Hes making fun of all of us which is great. I do like its a sweatshirt rather than tshirt, signature value but i will give him negative wings for the shorts. It is hot in the hotel but i do like what he had to wear. He cut holes in it and put cufflinks in his sweatshirt. The one thing is he commits what i do appreciate about him is a guy who has crashed hoitytoity party is white dress like him but i am his fun. Are you going to tell me i probably dont have 20 relatives that look like him . My family wouldnt be taking gold bars, they would take Miller Ultimate goal. You have to be efficient to get a gold bar. A lot easier, better currency to make the president will give a speech, you are democrat on the inside of this, i asked Shannon Brame from a they removed Stage Direction from teleprompter x. Heres hoping. We will see. No pauses, no pauses and no chance of former years because of the bipartisan room. What you make . Of the new Strategy Axios reported on yesterday . I witnessed on the light white house lawn. So back from it. Talk about product, i should get an endorsement. What you make of the strategy so we dont notice his broader thing going on . I think its a fine look. He could see it and say would better not mess with america. We better not mess with america in a game of shuttle board. The press usually very congenial, people getting together, a little awkward. Conflict of interest tonight very upset with the president and the fact that is giving nobody access so hes the guy running against him, donald trump. Screaming outside of marine one going to the Briefing Room talking about all kinds of things and joe biden is hidden. He did ask tough questions like what is your name . What state are we in . To tell you as a comic, the stern think was a disappointment thing for no other reason than stern was the guy who railed against elites his whole career and now hes literally caring one over the finish line and i dont know how to feel about that because howard went up against the machine, big everything. He was the king of all media, the prince harry of media. You got to be careful. I spoke to the British Ambassador. He bought the tape for me so i dont know if it will air. We can confirm you are coming back later. The nice thing is if your guy does blunder us into World War Iii, at his age he will be a matinee. Well get there nice and early. I have low expectations but we will see. Nobody else but to be fair the fashion. He really is doing the head of the debate thing because he has that vibe. Again, we can knock him but he is going home with scarlett johansson. Im not saying hes nailing her because he soon married but hes walking in and out with her so lets not nothing, who got to give him points. Thats an accessory. Is not a shadow . Trying to shake my wife. I met his husband last night and alex had genuine concern in his face because you know when someone jokes about something theres a joke a third time he already left about that. Not making it happen. She is blowing kisses to the tv. Its got some great will be back. The President Bidens speech later tonight and Correspondents Dinner up next. The fattest Guy On Fox News was it like being the fattest Guy On Fox News . Shame on you. Im trying. Look at me. They dont give ozempic to we can host, i gotta get up prime time show for that kind of st stuff. Its apparent. Not me. Yeah. Nice going lou nothing like a little confidence boost to help ease you back in to the dating scene. 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Protecting you from getting up on this thing to clean out your gutters ever again. And you know how else leaffilter protects your home . With our lifetime transferable no clogs warranty. Wed be glad to come out for a free nohassle inspection. To schedule your free inspection, call 833leaffilter today or visit leaffilter. Com welcome back to fox news Saturday Night live from the white house Correspondents Dinner we are looking and the room live as we speak. Fun fact. This ballroom hosted jimi hendrix and doris. Tonight President Biden trying to break on through to a second term, a terrible joke but i made it up in realtime, live tv. We are going to carry the president s remarks live as well as live we can update, he will not take any heat for me. As comics we are in this together. Later on ill be interviewing two comics from The Daily Show. How is that for crossing the aisle . At the end of the day we all go to the same therapist and have the same drug dealers only write would cross pollinate in this environment. What happened that d. C. . I got The Ultimate Tour Guide to show me around at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Check this out. Im standing outside the white house with the man you know at home with the guy best here on fox news around here is referred to as a stupid delete but peter doocy has invited rest. Thanks for coming. This is a really big deal as you know for a guy like me who has more of a waffle house vocabulary but you are here everyday. My question for you is a guy who asked occasional tough questions of this administration, do they ever you . You out here and sprinklers come on . The sweet sweeper. A dirty driveway 7 05 a. M. And its only one spot. The one spot the guy is basically doing doughnuts. [laughter] you really are at the place. I personally cant imagine coming into the same house as Abraham Lincoln and Monica Lewinsky but you do that all the time. As a getting normal . It is something to get here a lot of times for fox friends look up and see whether or not hes awake or not. [laughter] the answer is usually no. Some might come around 730 or eight. Do you like it on some level covering his public appearance schedule to the guy who covers the groundhog . Usually. Yes. [laughter] was he more active in the beginning . The mark we used to see him a lot more and going back to the campaign there would be at least one day a week that would bring him out to talk to us. Less about. So you dont get a lot but when you work getting, there was the infamous of work for to earlier. A stupid son of a leap. A has to be funny. I have a choice ask. He has control of the entire drone fleet. [laughter] is not a lot of pushback about. How is a daytoday relationship of the white house . Scrolling the ground endlessly, am i about to get sanctified take a step backwards . For long. We can walk around care but its limited like this would be the press room and these are offices and we are holding out a little bit there, thats the mens room. Thanks for coming, that is everyone. Does that affect your five . How peaceful were you here the first day . You go through Airport Security twice . I noticed when i walked in, i do it like a pro but some of my producers were spooked. Have you ever had people come as guess . Not since they get rid of commander biden. [laughter] your claim to fame, the only guy not bit by it. What do people need to know about working here . Is there something pacific to the energy . Schedule like something happens everyday at 10 00 . We try to get a hold of the president , they dont like it if you throw pebbles. [laughter] its a holding. Back to that red dot again, thats amazing. The idea that to his credit, biden is out there campaigning so i would like to think because there was a recent oped from the New York Times saying we want access, at like to see American People coming their way in the near future. I dont think thats a good thing. Our store is maximum strength. Doocy here, i know youve heard of the debate, there a lot of malaysian fans and he deserves our consideration because he plays me elements. He hasnt seen them but what you make of . Who say your hair is fabulous but you play in adult because you are inside the building . We are not recording, right . No. Its fake. [laughter] is peter doocy in all weather watermark . It hasnt moved since like halloween. [laughter] of 1990. [laughter] i was zach morris for halloween once and it hasnt moved. Zach morris was you for halloween. A harder deal. We will always have this and i owe you big. The great peter doocy. There he goes. That was awesome. Tell him he could come. Thank you. Say hello to maria and the kids. I was seriously one of the coolest things ive ever done in my life and i will show you more from the white house trip all night long but productive tell you want to walk into the white house has jimmy failla. The white house. I more like white castle. The white house must something youve never found in the minute i got there, its so regal and youve got security, secret service, the other News Networks giving the finger but i believe everyone who gets in the president , i like to be president someday. Except as a Background Check so jimmy failla 2024 will probably not happen. Although i might be. 2024 by the end of the night tonight but i think we are sticking to cable news my overweight your Skater Collection foreseeable future. It was incredible dakota, a Humbling Experience and its one of those reset moments, i dont mean to get schmaltzy because everybody here is in the back, im not kidding. I held hair during a commercial break but nice to see Andrew Mitchell again. I kid. The presidency and the white house itself is a reminder that was supposed to make a collective interest and investment in the betterment of this country so as a comic who doesnt take himself seriously, i do see opportunity in this moment as comics to kind of lighten the mood so as the show progresses, he will see celebrities you might not expect to find on a regular fox news broadcast i brought on rival networks, some are rappers like things you probably didnt know would be here but should be because of the it of the day what makes america work is top 40. Remember top 40 when you heard from the mc at number one . Moderna somehow at number two . Eros that at number three, crosspollination. This is a long winded way, saying theres benefit to america having an open door every night. Please get back some thought. Meanwhile at the dinner i caught up with hillary bond and doocy clan On The Red Carpet. Check out. Will crackdown On The Red Carpet the first family of fox news. Im talking about the doocy. Allison, youve probably heard me say i consider myself and my son the white trash, thats what we are. Lower iq cover but i want to know from the Fox News Royalty that you are is i get this assignment because i am cabdriver who can be someones Designated Driver at the end of the night. Two stops. This was not the deal. I just said jimmy will be outside in a yellow crown victoria. You are at this event last year. I remember that. As you know, the most dangerous place to be inside the big room during the ballroom, the president each, sitting next to peter doocy because anytime is a fox joke or peter doocy, the cutaway to peter and hillary and sometimes they accidentally think its me and think im peter, just much older. Its like derek going to fenway park, how does it sit . Half of those are from my crew. Of somebody to, i will. Hes got those kind of sk skills. You look like a million bucks. Are you fired up for the nerd prompt . I am fired up to be here, it took a whole squad to get me but this is the first night our daughter is going to get time from someone else, its a big night for me. Its my first night. The one thing people dont realize, nothing crazier than a mom with a sitter because you dont get to go out a lot. I tell her, your single only friends are boring at the bar. A mom, everybody is going home with a face tattoo. The problem is the regular sitter is busy so we found somebody on craigslist and its going to work out great a lifeguard so great a bathroom, i thought was a great qualification. We know a lifeguard. [laughter] ill send along the information. You are royalty. Thank you for this. Coming up, much more white house correspondence press coverage. President biden and moments, dont miss a second. Emily compagno just walked by and somehow shopping contest with tim kennedy, sandra smith and i will try to break it up onset. Wish us luck. Look at the white house squirrels. The funny thing is he has a credential. You have to have credentials to get onto the ground so he went through the same patdown as the rest of us. Now he can eat whatever acorns biden didnt you up. I am here with team nbc. Different networks or we all have one thing in common an open bar. Can we agree for one night, open bar . Symptoms cash bar, im working out. I kept the receipts on the jacket for a reason. Thank you for the from the prior to say hello to fox news, we dont get to do this about. Have a great night. Fox friends for the win. He still got it, folks. He still got it. Welcome back to fox news Saturday Night, we are live at the white house correspondence center. Shock to the embassy for stopping by. Joining me now On The Red Carpet, two friends scheduled, one and i cant say no too because hes an mma legend. Tim kennedy in the house along with campagna and sandra smith, how about it. The host of the america reports. Outnumbered and all three Drinking Buddy of your host, jimmy failla. Just give the American People at home a State Of The Union, what is the open bar doing to the media right now . People looking good, how does anyone care . Need you to name names. You are walking through crowds and pick up stars like tim kennedy on your way to talk to jimmy failla. Bring people with Media Training to an open bar broadcast. She didnt answer, she thought she would out somebody and get in trouble. Level with me. People are bombed, kennedy. What it is this madness ch chaos. Shame on you, were just doing the bible study. Are you kidding me . I want cute in her purse. All right, clean this up. I can tell you i love this night for so many in the media getting together when we normally otherwise wouldnt. I said hi and hello and exchange pleasantries, so many in the media i would otherwise never see. I saw governor from illinois and we chatted when we were walking in. Its a healthy event for the media to get together with people from across the aisle and all of those things and its a lovely event. You want to know something . The guy with the most people on his show jimmy failla. Betterment was here and you will see little later, i like the betterment sweatshirt. We were talking fashion, the reason i like it im curious because you are wearing a sweatshirt to black tie up and. He has a black tie on the sweatshirt. What i mean is hes leaning in to his role as an outlier. Pushing the limit. Absolutely. What is the fall i talked her out of it. It was coffee the market was. We are going to have the president and calling shortly. Like now . Was done with this interview. We will have and i agree, the best thing the country could do even if a republican wins, lets say its trump. Shocked at the dinner because the vibe is good, it is friendly and what i said earlier that it doesnt feel like nba allstar we can because there are so many celebrities but for people who were picked last and jim like if there was a game of dodgeball, you and i could beat the whole room but the thing that should be doing with pushing the first amendment. We dont agree with everybody on any issue, what they are doing is celebrating one of the most beautiful things which is our constitution and how important journalism is pretty rad. The most eloquent beach came from my dirtbike friend. They were both America The Beautiful while you gave that speech. About this. I am excited to hear oddly enough, i never the most sober person. But i dont have a choice because my brain is not sharp enough lose my way through but when this is over, you and me are shutting this time down. This ends with me hopping the white house. Your leg in a canine mouth. The white house luckily, they were nice. I love that. I get into places because i dress like a waiter so everybody assumes i am on the catering team. They just let me through the door. This is really fun. Almost therapeutic. Thank you. Tim kennedy. The public and statesmen, dont go anywhere because we got so much more including the president s remarks. Stay tuned. They said he forgot his teeth at the Howard Stern Show so that got to go back and get his teeth. Hold on, representing from the atl, The Dirty South in the house. How are you doing, boys . Lets talk about it. Be honest. Who goes harder . Atl or washington d. C. . You guys are representing. You know what i love about you coming here . You sang a song called but he aint a thing and we are 34 trillion in debt right now is a country. I blame dupree. I love you, brother. The rock out to your songs overnight. It is dupree. Can you write a remix about that . 34 trillion. You guys look good. Holly shutting down the bar . Whats the deal . I think our goal is to not get invited back next year. I will see you at the club. We are back at the red carpet the white house Correspondents Dinner President Biden coming up and moments for his speech. Shot up to dupree. He dated jackson. Somebody who covered Janet Jackson extensively during her time on mtv, im talking about human highlight reel. Kennedy caught up with us a cyclical. You know her as a human highlight reel. I know her as the reason i was almost not invited back this year. We are doing our best to get kicked out the mark to they have different security . They do. I second, jackson from bravo on a secret elevator. Auto he had one. Thats amazing. Tell me some jokes. You look amazing. Talking chanel accessories. Little bit of whether. I was not a crack pipe. Dont worry about nothing. While ive got you, can you confirm to the people at home but theres no party like a Fox News Party because of Fox News Party dont stop . Dont stop, wont stop, cant stop and never will stop. Shadow to the cake train. As cool as they come. Kennedy and i last year at this party got so rowdy we had a boombox in the lobby bar and we were playing 80s rap, 90s rap and posting like the Sickest Dance Party ever seen but i will say back to the earlier description of note from these people cannot dance. Dont get me wrong, i do dress like his partner ginger rogers. We had a wild time last year and stacking the deck in the next hour or even wilder one. The president coming up, coming up, the cost of The Daily Show coming up because thats how i roll. Everybody loves raymond. Everybody loves jimmy failla. Im not threatening, im not a tv star. I looked the guy who stole your tv. People hang out with us, a wild time so we are watching the monitor because they are giving speeches right now, the Journalist Pat themselves in the back and take themselves too seriously. We did such a good job, you guys are awesome and biden gets up and walked to the teleprompter hopefully in the right direction. You cant ask for more but we are excited, bit by Bit Breakdown and we will be back with the white house Correspondents Dinner. President bidens speech is moments away. Fox news Saturday Night coming up 10 00 p. M. w stay right here. If getting good thing theres leaffilter. Our patented Filter Technology keeps leaves and debris out of your gutters forever. Guaranteed. Call 833 Leaffilter to get started. And get the permanent Gutter Solution that ends clogs for good. They took the time to answer all of our questions. They really put us at ease. End clogged gutters for good. Call 833. Leaf. Filter, or visit leaffilter. Com today. Full welcome back to fox news Special Coverage of the white house Correspondents Dinner. Moments away from President Biden stand set and calling from Saturday Night live, cleanup and more than one way. Inside the ballroom at the action right now, we will carry both sides live as they happen to they tuned to hear President Biden read the jokes and Stage Direction and teleprompter, messy week. Well have post speech analysis, a democrat and kt college, a smart person. I kid. We are playing nice in the sandbox. We even caught up with liberal comedians from The Daily Show earlier in the night. This is the big deal, joining me from The Daily Show, jordan and desi are in the house. They always have to offer an Interview Comics from other networks because you know where the drugs are. Have you found them yet . Have you seen my foods . I assumed you stopped because i was your guy . Anybody who wears a suit like that is definitely think like to go to the party with. A kind of dress like an affordable male stripper. Cheap is definitely the first word that came to mind. More like tragic mike. But accessible. Thank you. Maybe he hugs too long on the holidays. You get it. How do you like this . Its a unique event. Asking a lot to put everyone in the same room. I dont know if they should but they are. Thats funny when you talk about where to find drugs. [laughter] i wouldnt put it past allocations. If youre waiting on 7500 people, media people which is not easy but let me throw this year, a common question. I feel like people are taking what we do too seriously. Im not talking censorship, im talking about the fact that we enter the profession forget paden Chicken Fingers and there are a lot of people counting on us for direction. Does that concern your . Ironically from people listen above everybody else, it definitely shows somebody dropped the ball. I wish there were more responsive people but i dont think we should be the first line of defense. You like we are accidental heroes and we are right but at the same time believe me, im not saving anything except money as you can see on this outfit. How is that for an entrance, by the way . Not every day you see The Daily Show hanging out on fox news show about how comics role, thats what we are supposed to be doing. If youre watching this for the first time, understand are not the Republican Party party, im take party. We are just here to lighten the mood, comics are supposed to make you laugh, strippers are supposed to make you. Thats how it works. Nobody wants strippers opinion the border which is a shame because probably knows about Family Separation but we dont get on the air to take each other years they come up with a look at other comedians like us in east coast, west coast but also if you are a Comic Watching at home, understand we have a unique role, the best bracket, we get to be funny as i said earlier, we do get paden Chicken Finger and booze and we are broken people but living a good life so if we are looking out at election which we are looking out on a contentious election, i call on the comedians to use our super power to unite the country, i want to be an angry comic guy, it sounds exhausting i grew up watching Johnny Carson at he just wanted to make you last let so he could get married again but if thats all he wanted to do shifts daily throughout the woman and speaking of celebrities, On The Red Carpet moments ago irish ambassador noticed me from fox news had stopped by to talk to me. Whos going to say no . Im here On The Red Carpet irish ambassador general is here. Good evening. Im delighted to meet you. Welcome to the Correspondents Dinner, as is the first one . My second book last year i was new week so now i kind of know what i should be doing. A fancy way of saying you behaved last year but lookout. Im an irish woman once we get a handle on things, we know how to party. This is who you want to hang without an open bar. How does ireland like these american parties . We taught you how to party so 36 million irishamericans so youve been learning fast. This is amazing. Im getting in a bar fight at the end of the night is what shes telling me. You are wonderful, i will see you at the bar. Looking forward to it, i hold you to it. Stay hello to fox news. Good evening, fox news. I got irish ambassadors hanging out On The Red Carpet you know what else . British ambassador. Check this out. Ive just found On The Red Carpet British Ambassador karen pierce. Hey, girl. Its such a great evening. A fabulous evening mostly because of your energy. Your wonderful. You are wonderful, to. You and i have a specific connection, you can feel it. The chemistry is working. Could we be the next harry and meghan . [laughter] i cant comment on that. You cannot. Thats why i asked greg is this your First White House correspondent . Is my god. Im honored to be here. This is great. Its wonderful and dont you think its necessary we take a timeout and laugh at ourselves a little bit . I do but i wonder what you will ask next if i say that . You are about to have a hard time to mock you are on the inside, you just came by. We are an item now. I will see you at the wedding chapel in vegas. [laughter] im too busy campaigning for press freedom. Thats right. Shes got to campaign for press freedom. At the end of the campaign when the Press Freedom Stuff is done, you and me vegas. Ill make a note. Lovely. Shot out to the ambassador. A field trip im on, im hanging out with ambassadors, The Daily Show, nbc. You know what else . They invited me to watch marine one land the white house. Heres a little bit of me trying to hold onto my cell phone for dear life so i can film it for my wife jenny. New essay, baby. While. Not why university Jesse Watters here. His hair would fly off if not i know how i got the assignment. Oh there it is. I got to tell you. Shattuck to watch for being a good sport about the hair jokes. Here in the pool as we carry live coverage of the red carpet of celebrities and speeches, im sharing this stable with cnn you can see it in the live feed, gary does not look good. Harry is a good neighbor, nothing but friendly and pleasant, a friendly fire evening, the white house Correspondents Dinner and we all just hang out so friendly about to reopen democrat, he is a strategist, from the face of the fox news family and man making his second appearance of the night. Im talking about Kevin Walling who walks back in and picks up mike mike because this is the total impromptu show. What up . Thanks for coming back. Its like the carson couch, he used to do the tonight show i it. He waved them over, it means they made it so your site. To be clear, pavlich is armed. Shes terrified now. No idea. Is a lot going on. A lot going on but since you plucked, what can you bring back to me from the room . Thats electric, everyone is nearly asleep. Giving out half a dozen awards, everyone has moved on to Coffee Course and hopefully wrapped up, who was eaten just moments. They do this when people have to get up there and do comedy, you do want to get the room when they are good. Its like they give up two hours of wants which of course we celebrated but some of them do kind of traffic and cover cream or heavy stories and this is what happens to comedians. Whenever you do a benefit as a comic. They opened the benefit with 815 minute montage everyone whos died from the thing and then they are like all right. The funniest thing ive ever seen, all in crime opening up for seinfeld at the garden it was a benefit for some type of disease and after everyone had seen the video, calling because i dont know why you need an opening, you are all warmed up backed up video. Weight deleted so we watched the video and have given up journalist awards, closer week to biden . Within a few moments i think last words, they just introduced eugene daniels, incoming president of the white house correspondents so hopefully they are up next is a guy whos worked on the Biden Campaign probably has an emotional investment in the next one, are you nervous what happened . I think its got that b12 shot rearing to go. [laughter] he start up and give great speech. I think is going to bring it again. And michael to the white house drug dealer. Stick with us. Were going to cover all when we come back. Looked out over the washington monument. That is the president of the United States. The person who runs the whole world. Joe biden is about to get off the helicopter. Look at that. Hot diggity. Also how the future is here. Weve been creating it for more than 100 years, putting the most advanced technology into peoples hands. Generation after generation. Tool after tool. Again and again. Bringing you the most Reliable Network of authorized sales and service dealers. Always moving forward. We lead. Others follow. It may not sound like it, but this. Is actually progress at 225 miles per hour. Shell renewable race fuel. Reducing emissions by 60 in all ntt indycar® series races. Were moving forward with indycar. Because were moving forward with everybody. Shell. Powering progress. We are back fox news Saturday Night live from the white house Correspondents Dinner President Biden to the podium and moments but turning it off, someone who can step. Emily compagno the indirect carpet. Its been a minute but you held it together well. I went back to my seat and i came back here and all i have to report that you missed was a little bit of coffee and tea. Same people on stage, fantastic. Lets give some colors waiting for this president to speak. They took there was like to sit at one of these tables. Sit down with fellow Media Personalities at our table we have you, me, griff jenkins. Micah manual. Caitlyn jenner. Sophia. Sophia called me earlier, the biggest lien at fox news. You are not wrong. [laughter] not at all. In the best way possible, you are the true queen of fox news and mcf tonight. No matter whos at the microphone inside, really what matters is this moment here. This is where the action is. Thank you for that. We dont complement each other but when youre at the table, did you not get the feel that we were at the power table . Im not saying that to stroke our egos but we are having a better time. We were having a really good time but surrounded by us, thats what makes it will. You see cnn people and everybody is cool. I feel like the rest of the world needs to come to this to get because i think we are so hostile but and Pro Wrestling undertaker and beat up the warrior fans while the undertaker and ultimate where go to hooters. You know what i mean . I think they should be how we are capable taking. I spent the night in tennessee wants for the undertakers daughter. Will. It wasnt law school. Ill tell you the details later. She was awesome just like the undertakers awesome. The undertaker is the check. I have so many questions for President Biden is making his way to the state for the main event. Heres the 46 president , joe biden. [applause] thank you, thank you, thank you. You think your grandparents are wondering. [laughter] my greatgreatgrandparents were here in 1846. What is going on . [laughter] i want to thank you with a warm welcome. Please, not so loud. [laughter] donald is listening. Sleepy don. [laughter] i kind of like that. I may use that again. Kelly odonnell, president of the white house Correspondents Association, thank you for having me. [applause] lets be honest. You are way too young to be president. [laughter] its been a year since i delivered the speech and my wife was with me, shes worried however do it. I told her dont worry just like riding a bike. Thats what im worried about she said. [laughter] of course 2024 election is in full swing and yes, age is an issue. Im a grown man running against a 6yearold. [laughter] i feel great. I really feel great. Im campaigning all over the country. Pennsylvania, georgia, north carolina. Ive always done well in their original 13 colonies. [laughter] speaking of history, did you hear what donald said about The Civil War Battle . Quote. Gettysburg. Wow. [laughter] trump speech was so embarrassing the statute of robert e lee surrendered again. [laughter] look. [laughter] eight is the only thing we have in common. My Vice President actually endorses me. [laughter] [cheering] i had a great stress since the State Of The Union. Donald has had a few tough days lately. You might call it stormy wea weather. What the hell . Compass best buy he started reading the bible hes selling. [laughter] he got to the first amendment. You shall have no other gods before me. Thats when he put it down and said this book is not for me. Being here is a reminder, whats going on in congress is political theater. Going out Lauren Boebert a long time ago. [laughter] to all my Friends In The Press and fox news [laughter] some of you complain that i dont take enough of your questions. No comment. Of course New York Times issued a Statement Blocking Me For Quote Active and effectively of 20 independent journalists. If thats what it takes to get the New York Times not to be effective, im full. Its okay. [applause] i have higher standards. I do interviews with strong independent journalists who millions actually listen to like howard stern. [laughter] i know you are looking around saying this guy has been doing this for 50 years. Todd his moment, give someone else a chance. To say that, i say ignore the critics. [laughter] eight comedians over the years on Saturday Night live. Who says im not a real job creator . [laughter] even more comedians joke about me like the funny guy on we can update, michael oshea. [laughter] he is hilarious. Scarlett johansson, he did an incredible job with your State Of The Union. You should do we can update. [laughter] clearly you are the funny one of the family. Folks, on a serious note colin and i have another thing in common. You both find think strength and family. I got to spend some time in the oval office, he was High School Teaching in Staten Island and his mom is an incredible woman. A firefighters, Chief Medical Officer in new York City Fire department on 9 11. As a doctor, she rushed to ground zero, risking her own life, treating and saving fellow first responders. Rushing into dangerous roads might definition of patriotism and heroism. [applause] so is what all of you do when you report truth overlies. Thats what i want to close tonight with my genuine thanks to the free press. There are some who call you the enemy of the people. Thats wrong and its dangerous. You literally risk your lives doing a job. [applause] think natural capacity disastrous amount to war. Some of your colleagues have given their lives and money have suffered injuries. The reporters have lost their Freedom Journalism is clearly not a crime, not here, not there, not anywhere in the world. [applause] release evan and immediately. We are doing everything we can to bring home journalists, fellow journalists and all americans. Wrongfully detained all around the world. We are not going to give up until we get them home. All of them. [laughter] the third anniversary of january 6, i went to valley forge and the most urgent question of our time is whether democracy is still the sacred cause of america. That is the question the American People must answer this year. You lay a Critical Role to make sure the American People have the information they need to make an informed decision. Defeating the president is an attack on the democracy. He said he wants to be a dictator on day one and so much more. You tell supporters he is the revenge and retribution. He promised a bloodbath when he loses again. We have to take this seriously. Eight years ago could have written off as just trump talk. But no longer, not after january 6. Sincerely not asking you to take sides. Im asking you to rise up to the seriousness of the moment. Who past got you moments, distractions and sideshows. Come to dominate and sensationalize politics. Focus on what is at stake. Stakes couldnt be higher. Every single one of us has a serious role to play making sure american democracy those. I know mine and sodium. In the age of disinformation, critical information, people can trust more important than ever. It makes you more important than ever. Tonight i would like to make a toast. To the free press, informed citizenry, an america where freedom and democracy and doors. God bless america. [cheering] now going to turn it over to kelly and you will hear from a real comedian. Collins has take the jokes. I sang after winning South Carolina primary, biden barely edged out his closest rival time. [laughter] colin, when i went, im going to have a lot of time. Im going to be watching. [laughter] back to you. There it is, your 46 president , joe biden taking shots at the top man. He wasnt on the same drugs as the state of the couldnt. Did you notice he was a little while back . Not necessarily in upper but more like Endurance Drug perhaps. This is like they put them on the State Of The Union drugs but thought he was too high up so they just sedated him halfway through and of course we are joking, we dont know that to be the case but it seemed like a more subdued item. Last year he was a little more aggressive but i left at the joke about falling off the bike. Im just saying his speechwriter tonight i think made the effort to be more wellrounded, a little more comedic and domination rather than aggressive overall and shouting. We have to give him points because he didnt read the straight Stage Direction but its a funny place to be is americans where its like this is the president and we are like well, he didnt say anyone got eaten by accountable. People who had mingle cards he would say cannibalism, i thought there would be a pauls reference. He didnt say minor impression or lien in to a gap with global repercussions. Caught a win in that way, he got the metal, his speechwriter State Interest shorter than normal cost just make it be comedic in getting in get out, hell have to be super aggressive so i give the speechwriter a c minus. I think thats a respectable great. Somebody needs a ride home from the cabdriver. We never get this much nice talk out of emily. I like the tone, i definitely thought he delivered it in a more subdued manner. If i was Randy Jackson it was a no for me dog. Im not going to back him, i thought he genuinely did a great job last year. I thought the writers this year kat in short and i dont know if i was instruction from the white house, they are protecting him a little bit. You heard the story when they get off Air Force One marine one, they walk as a team because they dont want him walking on his own. I think we saw a little bit of that because i was a very short routine. The joke i thought that was funny, he said they say congress is a theater, if that were the case, or involvement would be thrown out. Thats a dirty joke. Was hardhitting journalism you saw. I didnt know you were going to. Its not really fair. You cant do it because the technology wasnt invented he was in high school. Its not really fair. [laughter] good evening, everyone. I am colin and i will deliver the republican response. [laughter] ill be honest, i dont have a lot of time, i need to get back to new york because i am john the five of big trial, trumps lawyer took one look at me and hes like hes got to be on our side. [laughter] thank you for that kind introduction. Mr. President , doctor biden, Vice President harris, doug [laughter] doug as you can tell from the comments about my wife, im used to being the second gentleman. [laughter] i am honored to be here boasting what is according to swing state polls, the panel white house Correspondents Dinner. [laughter] i hope tonight will be a night to remember. For most of us. [laughter] i was excited to be appear on stage with President Biden tonight mostly to see if applicant figure out where obama was pulling the strings from. [laughter] i have to admit, its not easy following President Biden and not easy following what hes saying. [laughter] [laughter] before i begin tonight, can we acknowledge how refreshing it is to see a president of the United States at an event that doesnt begin with the bail of saying all rise. [laughter] [applause] and i would like to say doctor 10 00 p. M. , sleepy joe is still awake. [laughter] [applause] donald trump has spent the past week falling asleep in court every morning. [laughter] fox news said he was just being anti woke. [laughter] we are all here tonight at nerd from. Matt gaetz is not regular from. [laughter] i thought i saw gates tonight was just my own reflection in a spoon. [laughter] like many of you are tonight, i pretend to do news on tv. [laughter] my we can update Boat Anchor Michael was going to join me tonight but in solidarity with President Biden, i decided to lose all my black support. He told me to say that and im just realizing i was set up. [laughter] ive done we can update for a while now but most people dont know i started out doing the actual news. My first job out of college was as a reporter for the Staten Island advance newspaper. [applause] they do not have a table tonight here. [laughter] they asked me to pass along this message to the other Print Journalists in the room. You think youre better than me . [laughter] by the way, when i worked, we had a daily circulation of 100,000. The Washington Post would kill for that. [laughter] is a former aspiring journalist, i want to genuinely congratulate all the Award Winners here tonight. Congratulations. [applause] the Correspondents Association provides scholarships to promising young Journalism Students who may one day be sent off to covid dangerous geopolitical hotspots like columbia university. [laughter] tonight this event is being televised live on cspan. [cheering] and if you are at home watching cspan on a Saturday Night, i hope they find your body soon. [laughter] before your cats get to it. [laughter] there are so many incredible News Organizations here tonight. Also a few credible ones. [laughter] the Washington Post this year, Washington Post. [applause] they were the ones taking your coach at the door. Please be sure to tip. [laughter] fox news is here tonight. [applause] its the end of an era, murdaugh stepped down at fox news which is strange, i didnt think there was a step down from fox news. [laughter] trump media is here, trump me media. Not a table, just screaming loudly at a table in the corner to no one. Wardell is here tonight. [laughter] sorry, i meant the New York Times. [laughter] i forgot they do stuff in addition to puzzles. I have to say, is not a great sign when the only thing keeping up Media Company alive are Games People Play on their phones. To chilling for you . [laughter] the room just froze faster the mitch mcconnell. [laughter] i have to say apologies to the times but as a statin islander, i still get my news from the New York Post. Thank you. The only paper where the front page always has the same 200. 5 where the headline is World War Iii to start tomorrow or central park i will dead in building collision. [laughter] the New York Post is like having New York Times summarized for you by a crackhead. [laughter] times will say they border deal continues to evade congress in the post is like these mexicans are taking my stuff. [laughter] there are so many incredible individuals tonight. Lara trump is here tonight. Okay. Ive got one. [laughter] she recently released a cover of a song i went back down. Upon hearing it, tom any died again. [laughter] i cant believe im saying this to a member of the trump family but maybe stick to politics. [laughter] senator Bernie Sanders is here. [applause] because hes not the type to pass up a free hotmail. [laughter] in general, there are so many hardworking influential senators and congresspeople here tonight i just want to say on behalf of everyone i know, stop emailing us. [laughter] stop it. [laughter] we get it. Democracy is on the line. Your plan to save it is to float our inboxes like crate barrel. [laughter] also wonderful to be back in washington, i love being in washington, the last time i was in d. C. , i left my cocaine at the white house. [laughter] likely the president was able to put it to good use or State Of The Union. [laughter] im kidding of course the president doesnt call it cocaine, he calls it highspeed rail. [laughter] can you blame the guy for turning to cocaine . You must be exhausted orchestrating four separate trials against his rival, breaking the super bowl and gearing up to steal a second election. While. Biden left. [laughter] i love trumps to attacks on President Biden where he is senile old man and woman a mastermind. [laughter] i think you got to pick one. Personally, i dont know criminal mastermind who bike to get ice cream. [laughter] also, its not like trump himself this young and sharp. Im not saying candidates are old but you know jimmy carter is author thinking i could maybe when this thing. [laughter] hes only 99. [laughter] there is an election, election 16 extremely long months from now so let me see if i can summarize where this race stands at this moment. The republican candidate for president owes half a billion and signs for bank fraud and currently spending is days awake during a Porn Star Hush Money Trial and the race is tied . [laughter] the race is tied. Nothing makes sense anymore. The candidate is a famous new york city playboy took Abortion Rights away and the guy whos trying to give you your Abortion Rights back his 80yearold catholic. How does that make sense . [applause] President Biden, isnt it crazy hes only our second catholic president . Whats even crazier, in a few short months we will have our third, rfk junior. [laughter] im kidding. Like his vaccine card says, he doesnt have a shot. [laughter] everything feels strange. By a lot of measures, President Biden is having a very successful first term people dont seem to realize it. Look at the economy, the vibes about but the numbers say its strong. The economy is kind of like you on the steps of Air Force One. [laughter] it feels like its stumbling but there is somehow upward pro progress. I do think you can do more on the economy, i really do. For example, have you considered eliminating national but by shorting trump stock . [laughter] people keep asking if our lives are better than they were four years ago. Of course they are. Four years ago we didnt have Online Sports gambling. What more do you need . Thats probably whats keeping the economy afloat Online Gambling and taylor swift. Without those, wed be in a recession right now. The problem is, people are always going to compare your first term to obamas but i think there a lot of positive similarities. You made big strides in healthcare, obama, us out of a recession, you got us out of the pandemic. Obama got bin laden, you got oj. [laughter] and by the way now that oj is dead, who is the new front runner for trumps vp . Is it duty . I bet if trump did select city, about the race would still be tied. [laughter] i think even some democrats say they are underwhelmed but i think they are just not living in reality. Manage your expectations, people. Its like tonight. Sure, we all wish we were all at the waldorf right now but we are at the washington hilton. [laughter] we have to make the best of it. [laughter] just be happy you are not at the airport, hilton. [laughter] journalists, these are challenging times and we need the people in this room to help guide us through it. Here jobs are not easy doesnt help we are living at the end of traditional media. The gatekeepers are gone. Did you know 90 of people now get their news exclusively from social media . That must be true because i saw it in a random guys tik tok. [laughter] he was reporting the video while driving a Toyota Corolla but seemed to know his. Isnt it crazy that tik tok could be outlawed in the u. S. By the end of this year . Thats a real shame because we are going to need to talk to document storming the capital next january 6. Things are not bad for everyone though. This may be the worst time in history to be a print journalist, the best time in history to be a courtroom sketch artist. [laughter] the most famous man on earth is on trial and no cameras allowed. The artist, pastels and desire to make trump look as bad as possible. Every sketch of trump looks like the grinch had sex with the lorax. [laughter] in closing [laughter] i would really like to take a moment to recognize journalists in this room. Your words speak truth to power. Your words bring light to the darkness and most important, your words train the ai programs that will soon replace you. [laughter] and finally, i wanted to thank my family and friends close being here tonight to support me. I want to thank my wife for enduring lots of jokes and for agreeing to individually meet everyone in this room right after this ceremony thats really special, thank you. Dont be shy, come right up. She hates privacy. [laughter] with my family in mind, i want to to share one last thing before i go. I wanted to share one thing with you before i go i lost my grandfather this year as you alluded to as a firefighter, William Kelly hes the reason our sons middle name is william. He helped raise me growing up and i would not be here. A firefighter on Staten Island for 40 years, for his family and Substitute Teacher and since it Staten Island, i should say its not like this irishman. [laughter] he was not a mafia hitman, he actually painted houses. The fbi is here, i do want to start that. [laughter] my grandfather was another Prayer Irishman who didnt drink because he lost his father and brother to alcoholism. I swear mr. President this is not an age comparison. You remind me of him. Some of your best qualities remind me of his. I will say, he was 95 and was still great at stairs. [laughter] i think its because he didnt try to run up them. [laughter] the reason i bring up my grandfather, i dont know if you realize but Staten Island firefighters are not only your graphic. Staten island voted about 70 for trump in the last election and the other 30 was for giuliani. But Staten Island sided with the british during the revolutionary war. [laughter] we are not always on the right side of history. You remember. [laughter] but my grandfather, a Staten Island firefighter voted for you, mr. President. [applause] he voted for you in the last election he ever voted. Im sure someone else will vote twice in the selection using this name thats just how the democratic machine works. [laughter] he voted for you in the reason he voted for you is because you are a decent man. [applause] my grandpa voted for decency and decency is right we are all here tonight. Decency is how we are able to be here tonight. [applause] decency us we are able to make jokes about each other and one of us doesnt go to prison after. We go to the newsmax after party. [laughter] when you look at the levels of freedom through history and around the world today, this is the exception. In the journalists in this room protect the freedom and we cannot take that for granted. [applause] so mr. President , i thank you for your decency on behalf of my grandfather and think all of y you, almost all of you for your decency as well. I am honored and grateful you invited me tonight. Thank you and good night. [applause] there it is. President biden and collin just finished pandering to the journalists in the room. When you dont have a big joke to get off on the end. A great country. What you say . Decent. Decent thing and return. Lets start with biden. He gets points for not reading the Stage Direction. When he was announced at the podium, he did go the right way. I felt like they dialed back dosage, he wasnt very animated. The jokes were funny, the lauren joke and that took a little while to get the joke through the theater. We have it right here. Look. Being here is a reminder folks was going on in congress is political theater. Thats not true. If congress were theater, they would have thrown out Lauren Boebert a long time ago. [laughter] joke about Lauren Boebert getting frisky in the theater. I give it to a case. It took a little while in the room, to. For a room full of vegan journalists, theres a lot of red meat being served out there mark came Back Fox Table and they said do you know what table to sit at . Exactly. said i liked michael vote. I decided to lose my black support. Theres a reason that joke wo works. Theres a lot of laughter and a lot of zero if you dont vote for me, youre not lack this time around but it was entertaining as a whole. I liked him, i could probably think of a few comics who would do a better job. Including yourself. You should be my agent. A black camera with a blazer tonight. Thanks for watching fox news Saturday Night with jimmy feel a part of thousand raising. We will be back next Saturday Night 10 00 p. M. Eastern. Good night in washington d. C. You can be a republican, you can be a democrat. Just dont be were here with Chris Counahan of our local leaffilter. 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