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Let me tell you about my minivan. Oh yeah, I sure did: a Ceramic Gray 2020 Chrysler Pacifica Hybrid Red S Edition. After eight years of faithful service and righteous depreciation, the ol' Lincoln MKT EcoBoost is gone, replaced by the Pacifica. When I informed one of my colleagues about this development, he responded, "You traded your 350-hp Lincoln for a hybrid minivan. Strange times." Uh, incorrect, sir! The Lincoln had 355 horsepower. And all-wheel drive. And a tow package. The Pacifica Hybrid has a tow rating of "not recommended." Oh no, what have I done?
How it Started
The smartest thing ever, that's what. My oldest kid is now 10, and my only regret is that I didn't buy a minivan a decade ago. What derangement caused me to think that power-sliding doors were somehow antithetical to my worldview? They're car doors. And my personality is not defined by the doors on my car. It's defined by my collection of vintage Garbage Pail Kids stickers, my preference for Oates over Hall, and my "inability to read the room." Sorry, that last one was from my most recent performance review, but you get the idea.