have just begun to understand. i hated myself for over a long time. every day for over half my life not a moment has gone by when i didn't hang my head in guilt and shame. that's it. >> why did you feel the need to write that? >> well, i think it was -- this was as much for myself as it was for anybody else's sake. i know this is going to sound kind of silly but i really didn't -- couldn't comprehend death until someone i knew -- until i had experienced that loss. and it -- it kind of put things in a completely different perspective when my grandma died. trowbridge's cellmate wrote a