military officers, they immediately sat me down and told me that i would get death gratuity to pay for all the immediate expenses of my husband's funeral. this money was used for -- to pay my mortgage. to pay my car payment. to put food on the table. and also my family flew in the next day from ohio. that money came to cover that as well as the month and a half that it took to bury my husband and the several dignified transfers that followed. >> i know that that's an important part of the process of recovering from the death of a spouse. my guess is that's money you wish you never had to receive because it represented the death of your husband and a change of your life that meant things would never be the same. >> it was very horrifying to get. it made me sick to my stomach. it took me a very long time to accept that money. but it was something that was essential for me to give my husband the very best i could give him. he gave his life for me. and it was the biggest honor and responsibility of my life to give him the best funeral that i