to the mesa police department. >> what do you think would have happened to you then? >> i don't know. but it would have been the right thing. >> let's go forward. say you do get a long sentence. how are you going to spend your life? >> i haven't decided yet. >> talk to me again if you can briefly about wanting to hurt yourself. do you feel like you want to hurt yourself right now? >> not right now. i think i've gone in and out of periods that since 2007. there was some talk about me being suicidal in high school. i never was. i think i might have written the words, something along the lines of wanting to die. that's distinctly different from wanting to kill myself. i found it strange at the time that avid gotten into the church and i gained the testimony of the church, feeling i'm feeling suicidal. i didn't understand that. but i never did anything. so it could just be talk, it