problems and tensions later on. a lot of us underestimate how important faith is to us. as we get older the anal of marriage is rising and our 20's are a very secular time in our lives. a lot of people drop out of church. they don't think of themselves as religious. once they get married and they have children, these kind of feelings come rushing back. now you're in a partnership with someone who didn't think you were particularly religious. and where do you go from there i think is a hard question. >>gretchen: you are not saying that it's necessarily wrong for a husband and wife to see the world differently. it comes down to the kids and how you choose to raise them. and then what typically happens is you've already made the choice before you have the kids. so they go in one direction. or there is no religion in the family? >> right. i think certainly a lot of interfaith couples, a plurality of them, according to my study, choose to raise children in no faith. but i think a lot of them do tend to raise children, want to decide to raise children in one faith but it becomes increasingly