themselves, that wasn't something you two would do? >> privately? >> yes. >> no. i -- i didn't want anyone to find me in that compromising position, let alone him. i guess at the time i thought more about myself. i wouldn't want anybody to see pictures of me like that. i'm protective of my image. so i guess i protected him, too, without even knowing it. >> were you worried about people finding out? >> i was for a while. >> you talked to your sister and a couple other friends. >> i was. there were a couple instances where we were out in public, and he had his hand on my back, and i kept thinking, i'm looking around, there's a lot of people. i'm like how do these people, like, what are they thinking? i don't know what they're thinking, so i thought it was going to get out. i was scared every time we went to an event, i thought this is going to get out. i didn't want it to get out. but at the same time, i felt so honored to be with him in a sense that i'm like, i don't care who knows.