much i needed her because i was, you know, terrified. i feel very, you know, motherly and teacherly today. but i think everyone is terrified when they're first becoming a parent. and i was younger then and less confident about my parenting. and i -- i thought also about all she would give to my unborn child and to her other grandchildren. she really, really wanted to be a grandmother. she wanted to spoil the grand kids and give them toys and books and stories and -- >> she would have been absolutely amazed about what's happened. >> she would have been completely amazed. and i think that all she has missed. but i also think all her granddaughters have missed, you know. she would've had four granddaughters, you know. and all that they would've learned from her. so i, you know, the book is