Criminal justice is done. Our coverage of the 2023 library of Congress National book festival continues now. Im Kevin Butterfield library of congress, a great measure to introduce you. One of the most beloved writers here. In the corrections of library f congress. Joining us live on cspan. A conversation russell, 2019 becoming the first in his new book entitled life, love and football. [applause] such a beautiful memoir, very profound. I think its a little bit of a love letter to the relationship but i think especially the biological father, your childhood friend, your best friend joe and your teammates, how did your relationship impact . I was the foundation and what i discerned here is very much a whole nation of these people. I lost them young age but the character is and how big or strong you are, how intimidating you are but your character, being dependable accountable and my childhood friend of someone who has taught me resilience arctic and loss, my best friend joe about morality and seeking out to be the change even though he was not been my life and the steps we can take us young men and healing on that, and how it truly means to be a man or how much money made, its about how you affect people and show up in peoples lives. The things you say they are not in the room and when youre gone. Make sure you can get through it. Its funny because i talk about them in my life as a constant, my mother was my best friend to this day. She taught me so much she is, there are no limits or bonds as a person and she had been on a very young age. She got pregnant at 19 and had me at 20 and a lot of what she heard was the person she couldnt be and what she fell into, she was never limited. In greenman mother with me so its funny because i learned the most about the man also from a woman and that is pivotal because we exist with women and non binary people and how to coexist and uplift each other. Sports have given me a lifeline. Football was how i found Peace High School and obtained scholarship top university. When no one else wanted me, football was home. So much of my day for my benefit especially going up in texas is pivotal there. I did not attend church early like others did. It was no never okay to sacrifice yourself. Thats the line of walking football we become so obsessive in your life. I think as much as i love football, as much as he gave me brothers in the shape of teammate and mentors in the male figures and coaches and family and purpose and education i also let it take things from me like my uniqueness, my love for self, but individuality, the ability to challenge the things i was told about being a man of being a black man in america i like encompass all of me. Footballs and all i am it took a longth time to unlearn that. Lets talk about football. You received a scholarship at purdue. For the folks in ideas that do not know whatf richard r, could you explain what richards are and what did being a redshirt teach you . What life lessons that it teaches . Redshirting this essentially when you commit to a college and go to college to play but for whatever reason thats for sure you have to sit out. For me is because i was undersized. I was tall and athletic but i bi was small to be a defensive end. It was basically a coach telling me i i needed to go work out d get bigger if i wanted to play in the league. Which i agreed, i did deal but there are benefits to it. You get to learn the game, the around the college expensing of athletes and teammates and being those practices going for me at the time big ten starters, all americans, and things of that nature. To see what it takes and to get the extra year to prepare and compete. You still get four years of play after that which is amazing. For me was vital but it comes with hardships like i moved from texas to West Lafayette indiana to play football and for a year i wasnt doing that. For a year i was told you good enough to be in the building but not good enough to be on the field and that is a knock on your confidence, you know the sacrifices i made to be there and then it comes with its own unique challenges. One of my favorite parts of the book is winter months of price you for y your birthday. You drove around and you landed at where the cowboys playoff, your very first nfl game with the Dallas Cowboys versus the philadelphia eagles. Im not sure at their cowboy stands or eagles fans. Your life when full circle. A few years later you get a call from jerry jones when youre drafted to the nfl. What was going through your mind . That they better call soon. I was stressing. But no, its amazing. That full circle moment. My mother in the first day surprised me was so pivotal because before then the white plates of all a those who disconnect from the nfl. These are people that are larger than life, playing on the tv screen and i soon everything they did was something i could not achieve or could not aspire, not my realm of thinking but going to see the game and seeing those were huge men, they were still playing on the same 100yard feel i was playing on, the same type of ball, the same rules and the same game made it so much more achievable to me. When you get the call in 2015 to be a Dallas Cowboys cowboys and i hear jerry jones with this thick country accent say my name, its validating. I sacrifice so much in that time to be a Football Player and achievedm a dream just by being drafted than most people d never achieve in their life. But also as a professional you realize its time to go to work. Its time to shop, time to capitalize on all the things you have done and just in terms of my personal journey, all its were up where im sort of tourist scary, that my sexuality whether i was gay or bisexual because it didnt have a lot of information about bisexual at the time, that whatever was i wasnt straight and thoseht another thing i t just put under the box, sacrifices for support. And getting drafted. Im glad i didnt have a boyfriend or become open about my sexuality because i i madet to the point. People dont realize what youre in nfl will assume the money is pouring in and all the hard work has paid off already. Theres a lot of work aside physically but a lot of mental work that needs to happen because you never know if youre going to get resigned, if youre going to be staying with the dean company iff youre goig to get injured. How was going from the cowboys to the buccaneers . At first it was devastating. Cowboys were my hometown team. It was deemed that drafted me. Theres pride inevitably where you want to fulfill that. We all wanted to be like jason witten and play there forever and retire there. He ends up going somewhere else. You want to be that seemed figure in your team. You want the people who decide to be correct and exceed this expectation and getting cut from the cowboys was my moment of basically oh shit i messed up, it is a something i even do . Before going on with the buccaneers i went on several trials that did not work out. Would you try for the jets and the patriots and if that felt a bit of my something chipped away as a get more and more no. To go to tampa bay in heaven my opinion like the least best workout, to best and that, well give you a chance, that reignition, glimmer of hope i needed to really kick into second gear. That was a time was like okay theres no more funny basis to my life. Iou cannot hang out with friends as much. Im notto going to be the hometn hero anymore. Im not going to date. Im going to focus on football. Life has a funny way of soon as you try to shut all these doors and focus on one thing at showing you the broader picture where your focus, and that happen to me. When you are in tampa something really big happen in football. This is when Colin Kaepernick kneel during the national anthem. Anthem. The whole nation witnessed all this. What was happening with the nfl at the time. Tony was happening behind the scenes. How were players decidee t if ty needed to neil . It seemed like an easy decision to do it, but what were the factors of being weighed on . There was so much going on. Especially any nfl, people have perception of what it is, but honestly would really talk football or talk sports in general most of the time. Guys cheer and were more moments but we are there some of us there almost 12 hours a day strictly for football. The discussion in such a larger scale was about something so much more. There was a lot of misinformation, players who didnt understand what the kneeling was about. There was executives and coaches who didnt understand. I know the first time where the owners of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers came to speak with all of the dean, and to come up with what i, what they believe to be solutions or to address the problems but also to figure out how we could get all of the players to stand for the anthem and just support the game of football in what the end represented. It was a bit of a mass, have to be honest a mess. You struggled with it. Of course. The anthem mean so much to so many people, and also Police Brutality specific and social injustice or black people, people of color also affects me in the film and everyone that i know. It affects all of us whether we are people of color or not. These are two very big things. I fit fairly be in the military. My brother currently is in the army. My dad tim thompson was in the air force, sorry, the navy and my grandfather was in the air force. There are so many things that the anthem represents to so many people come theresnt a conflict here but to me the message and the conversation moving had. That was important part. It was an opportunity for the nfl to jump in on the discussion. I dont think at the time they did that. Talk about that. They jumped in, bateson changes. What do you think of them . Do thinknk it is enough . Its a major culture change in the league that is the league on the right path when it comes to the . I think the league is on a good path. I think as we navigate theres always his this steps, betts to make. Also the representation that you have younger people who are watching football. How doe we get the message to them in a w way that is both digestible but also meaningful . D racism in the end zone is something that a lot of the audience think are cute but what are we actually doing . Funding changes, funding women owned businesses, blackowned witnesses, social initiatives, trying to be more reactive, proactive instead of reactive. They are making an effort, i think the nfl has a huge organization, there will always be more but they are open to that discussion and listening to people who come to the table and challenge them in what they do and what they think. Roswell in other subject matter, as you all heard, this years theme is everyone has a story and your story is a very trailblazing store that we believe Everyone Needs to hear. Stories that we believe Everyone Needs to hear. We get to see other peoples stories and this is where your story comes in very importantly. In her book mentioned how you struggled with your sexuality and your happiness, versus your career. That is football, the league, you said that the questions in my head grew louder, selfdoubt about my sexuality and my identity overflowed into worries about the future. There was a bitter irony in how i was drinking away from a dream even as my heart worked and brought it within reach, the nfl wanted me but because they did not know the real me. That must have been something really hard to wrestle with. You work hard your entire life for this moment and then what do i do . R. K. football is one of those things, those unique things that though it is a job at that level, it is one of the few jobs where calls to your manliness or your character, who you are as a person, there is something that we focus a lot on the nfl players and when you pick up a football at a young age, people tell you what type of person you need to be to play this game. Some of it is correct, you need to be a little crazy to hit other people at full speed and do it again and again, there is rhetoric, misogynistic rhetoric of do not throw like a girl, there is being tough which is important, but not walking all of your emotions, rub some dirt on it, it works in effect to some effect, but it does not work for all of your life obstacles. When you focus on the type of people that can play football, you are saying what type of people cannot play football. I grew up with all of this, most of the players in the league did as well, when i realized did not fit the type i was told was a Football Player, the strong, masculine, straight, hardnosed, nonemotional person, i thought im not a Football Player, do i not belong here . Roswell that was the hardest part of what i was reading, you struggled with depression, and maybe binge drinking, how are you today . R. K. not drinking [laughter] [applause] thank you, yes, im four years sober in september. 202 7488000 we wish you well roswell we wish you well. This is a four Year Anniversary when you wrote the essay that was published on espn. I will be a quick excerpt i will talk about. You wrote i want to live my dream of playing the game, i worked my whole life to play and being open about the person i have always been. Those two objectives should not be in conflict, but judging from the fact that there is not a single openly lgbtq player in the nfl, nba, major league baseball, or the nhl brings me pause. I want to change that, for me, and other athlete who share these common goals, for the generation of athletes who will come next. When you were in college, someone came out and was recently kronos he came out, the only nfl player who is a free agent recently a player came out, the only nfl layer that is a free agent. What will it take for a professional male athlete to come out . Does it start with the league . Or teammates . Or the owners . It is a major undertaking and i know that you have taken this task, what you think needs to change for more players to feel more comfortable . R. K. it has to come from both sides, i think we have heard a little bit more about how the league feels about his own inclusion and diversity, players have come forward to talk about accepting a player for the merit of their game and their heart and hard work. I do not think we have had that ownership positive robert kraft, i do not think we have had the same messaging when it comes to the marketing and promotion when you show and see on tv or commercials or in the stadiums of what type of people are allowed to be announced, let alone allowed to be players. Ingrain inclusion into the base of your foundation. To the base organization, the higher lgbtq people even if they are not players and coaches, executives, all of these things, referees, the game in and of itself to be more inclusive for people to feel comfortable. You cannot ask someone what makes them feel comfortable if you do not understand their experience. You are treating a wound instead of actually the problem and the cause of it. I actually work closely with the nfl and professional players, in the sports culture, i believe that the most shame comes with the youth, a lot of that is in the culture we here at a young age. Losing athletes growing up because they do not feel included in sports, they do not feel supported and sports and i think once we fix that problem, more people are going to play at the Public School level, the city league level, even at the collegiate level. Roswell i should start from the beginning was to mark when kids are playing touch football or in the Little League baseball games . R. K. i think that is important, my goal is not to have every professional player that is lgbtq come out, it is to have players get into sport young and state in sport and goat professionally and go professional already out, being allowed to play the game that they love as themselves. Roswell wen yu published when you published your article with espn added to the interview, or was it like was to . R. K. it was like coming up for air, and so part of this book being one of the top, being drafted, going to college after graduating and coming out is still probably my number one because it was not about football or other people or what they thought of me, it was not to make a statement even, it was for me, me choosing my own life, me choosing to live whatever i had, every time i had on my earth for me and prioritizing myself first and it is something i think everyone can do for themselves, it is something i think, that sentiment everyone should have because this life is ours and regardless of the things we like to do or the activities or the sports we play, we have to live with ourselves. [applause] roswell since 2019 you have seen a lot of fans reading your book, a kind of reaction are you getting . From fellow athletes or people on the street . R. K. any reaction i have gotten has been positive which i am thankful for. Honestly, it is the broad sweeping kind of if i had to pick from a similar sentiment in all of the infractions i have is thank you for telling the story, thank you for having this discussion in male sports, it has not and it is still showing only from the subject, regardless of whether we like to admit it or not, we all know that we are probably all related to someone who is lgbtq plus. If you do not have that connection or no once a comes to mind no one comes to mind, someone in your life is charted in shame or secret does not feel safe enough or for a multiplicity of reasons, and a living a full and loving life as they should be and that is what this book is about. That is the message im trying to convey. We need to love people, we need to allow people to be themselves. We need to not judge people before we know them. We talk about things as if they are just topics, as if they are just things on a sheet. These are really connected to true peoples lives. These are points people are agonizing about it in and day out. Roswell you opened the book by talking about your new opponent which is hate, let me read this quick excerpt. Im no longer stopping on shoulder pads to clash with other individuals, my opponent is hate, the idea of hate, how we teach it to younger generations, how we find it with our dollars, under the systems that uphold it, hate is the two opponent of all of us. The idea that someone of a different color, or sexuality is lesser than anyone else. That is the opponent. There is a lot of that going on whether it is from book banning to everything around the country, how do you want to play a part in fighting that . R. K. any way that i can, honestly, i think we all have a different piece to play in this battle against tate. Hate. We have all been told we could not do something or could not be something or something in our lives was incorrect because of who we are, where we were born, what we look like, i do not think we should limit human beings by things that are beyond our control. My color being one of them, intersectionality of being a person of color and a bisexual person, i see that this idea forms a different rhetoric about a multiplicity of topics, i will stand with anyone who feels as if they are being a, silenced, pushed down into the foreground because id has happened to me in so many ways and if i allow it to happen to you, i am allowing it to happen to me, others, i am ok with that idea, i think that is what we all need to be on the same page about. We will have different points of view. At the end of the day when someone tells you they are hurting or someone is under attack, when they feel unsafe or they feel like they are not meant to be here by an outside force, that is when you need to listen. That is when the discussion needs to stop and the listening needs to start. Roswell we are taking some questions, there are two microphones on the aisle, feel free to lineup. I will let you in if you have a question. Lets talk about coming out, how hard it is for men or professional athletes to come out. It is not seem the same on the female side . There were about 86 women who were out among all of the soccer players around the country. Why do you think it is more easier for women to come out . R. K. multiple reasons, i also believe that women are constantly at the foreground of change in our country, women are constantly challenging the status quo. [applause] yes, women lead our society in many ways, as a woman, unfortunately here in the state you are told from birth of the things you cannot do and i believe women have built up resilience to automatically say no, you do not define me. That attributes to womens sports. Also the problematic sector of things, that sports, the misogyny of sports, that these young women that are in sports have been told that in some way they are less women for being in sports. Once you can take that shackles of what their sexual is assumed to be, we talk about women being in the forefront and onto the lgbtq and diverse and inclusion but also in social change, is in their voice and platform, that is a league run by women. Roswell i think when young girls are playing, it is a culture that is there. Our first question . I am proud to hear your story and see that you are true to yourself. I was curious, what was the reactions of your teammates and management after you came out . R. K. my teammates whether it be from high school or college or professional were supportive of me, everyone who knew me personally had very nice things to say, if anyone outside of that sphere even other players in the league felt negatively or indifferent about it, they did not tell me which i appreciated i received so much love and acceptance in the sport. Roswell that is great thank you. Congratulations on your book, i am interested in the process, did you just say im going to write it . Did you do a little every day, the whole process . R. K. this was the culmination of almost three years, it started with the coming out in 2019, sharing my story and feeling how it affected other people but how liberating it was for me in wanting to do that at large. The process was something i was hand held, fortunately, had an agent very early on, and they wanted to expand that. To make that dream come true, i wrote in flurries through three years, there were two months my boyfriend and say that i did not do anything there was a month where i was in a dark room in a haze, writing was challenging, therapeutic, i cried, i screamed, i hated it, and loved it. It was everything, i stayed until this day including playing in National Football league and this book was one of the most fulfilling, had great editors, i needed a lot of editing we finally got to something that felt good for me and my story. Roswell i forgot to ask this earlier, is it how it had saved you as well, you have wrote poetry, how did writing help you internalize and really help you maybe actlike therapy for you . R. K. we talk about social issues here in the constructs, even the norm, the societal agreements we all adhere to whether we know it or not just by being complicit in this world and in certain things but there is none of that in writing for me. It was such a judgment free zone, i do not have to be anyone i was not, at could be someone else if i wanted to, i could jump into a book and experience something so far removed from what my own experience was. Or see a vision that i wanted to cultivate in my life and that was something i constantly look for in righting, i could writing. I could create my own image of who i am, the life i want to live, it draws me to things like this, to be honored to be a part of such an Amazing Program with so many authors who have challenged the status quo, who have wrote their own stories and should light on so many things that i even as a person in the space was unaware of, writing was one of the truest forms of communication, something i value so much. Roswell i saw your book is being turned into a Television Show . I was wondering how through that process, how is that going for you . Are you involved in the handson writing and how does it feel they are life is being adopted into something be made for a larger audience . R. K. there is a strike happening right now in hollywood, and i very much support that and it is important that everyone feels as though they have fair wage. Their compensation. That is first and foremost in terms of this book out of the series i have been honored to have the option come from gabrielle union, to have Sony Pictures take that arent in development, to have Sony Pictures take part in that development. Also it is a chance to tell other stories, it is supposed to be a comedy, hopefully i am funny [laughter] we can make that happen, for that part, to laugh, and to know that you will sit down and have a good time, and makes talking about things really a lot easier, nobody wants to watch an hour long rating or lecture berating or lecture, we will have a good laugh and love each other and hopefully at the end of it understand each other a little bit more. The process was great, it is a dream, hollywood is crazy [applause] in good ways and in not good ways. I am honored to be able to tell stories. Congratulations again on your sobriety, i would love to hear more about how getting sober might have been connected with the other happenings in 2019 and in life . R. K. it was, i came out in late august of 2019 and after a long weekend of kind of looking at my life and being like what have i done, for the better, or they difference, i realized alcohol was no longer serving me in my life. A lot of the times when i could have been seeking healing or understanding or reflection i look for alcohol instead, i might not have had when people would classify as an addictive personality or alcoholism, i knew that alcohol had a negative relationship and it never made anything better, my partner was also sober, and year sober as well, seeing someone live a life of sobriety and live a life of connection and still be in entertainment and doing what they wanted and achieving their dreams, having that Guiding Light was huge in my own journey. Congratulations on your book and your ability to be your authentic self. I am wondering whether or not as you move from one professional team to another team, alastair tampa bay and so on, the teams from tampa bay and so on, did you feel like you were discriminated against because of your sexuality . That you may have been able to hang with some of those teams if you had not if there had not been an indication that you might have been bisexual . R. K. i can say that i am not sure about that experience, i was not out at the time, and there were multitudes of reasons why teams turned me down that will also make sense to me, even being the pro Football Player i am, understand that. After coming out, i was getting calls prior to after coming out, i do not receive any more calls from leagues. I can also say that i think that there is only one out active player right now in the league is evidence not of discrimination, but there is not enough being had to make layers feel comfortable and included. I talked about in this book which is about the choices in my life dr. Chase conspiracy or wonder about the things that could have or should have for me, because my life is so full and i believe i have been in my purpose but i want those people coming up in the league to not have the fear of being discriminate against, no regardless of how they identify, there will be judged purely off of their ability to help a team win. That is my goal today. Roswell with the festival of books and tshirts from l. A. i am also bisexual and i was wondering about your journey between a finding that out because i know a lot of people like struggle between my gay, bisexual, i just want to know what the journey is for you . R. K. i knew in college i was not straight but bisexual i did not feel like an option, it felt like i was told that bisexuality was for individuals who were afraid to say that they were gay and holding onto a bit of masculinity, even if that is the case, i understand that as well, it is scary being lgbtq in the world, that a lot of the times we do what we can to survive or to blend or to be accepted. For me, it was kind of a lack of representation or story were Accessible Information or Accessible Information about bisexuality, and made it more challenging, unfortunately i answered a lot of relationships to learn about myself, i think that is what we do, but when i look at it, i shouldnt have done that. It was, i think drawn out, i would say because a lot of the times i was having genuine relationships and feelings with both genders and i just did not see bisexuality as a landing spot, i had to say to myself that this is who i am and i did not know anyone else who was bisexual, after coming out there are so many people who are bisexual why are we hearing why are we not hearing those stories . That is what this is about too, thank you for sharing as well, i appreciate that. Thank you for creating a resource. Thank you for writing this book, my question has to do with more specifically with what would you say to an africanamerican male boy who likes football or like sports, felt like i do not think i am straight . They lived in an environment where there is hate, bullying, would you say to them to give them hope . R. K. with any lgbtq person, especially my priorities about safeties, and yourself or being bothered in any way is a direct conflict to your safety, i would say to prioritize your safety first and foremost overall, i am not of a rose colored glass perception to be yourself and everything will be great. There are a lot of true challenges and systems i would tell them at point them to the people, myself or the people in their own communities doing the work to make sure that lgbtq youth are protected. Out point them to a resource that they have, if not within their communities, online that they could access and talk about because every situation is also different. There are people out there just like you that you being who you are is what makes you special and beautiful and bright and it is your superpower whether you are ashamed for it or bully for it or not. That is regardless of where you are now, you can find the communities, the love, the joy, the happiness. You do not need to change, the world needs to change. Roswell we only have time for one more question. You just answered my question, i am a marching band mother and i want to say thank you because you are the first Football Player who ever had anything i needed to hear [applause] r. K. thank you roswell we will take one question for you. R. K. t i just want to say thank you so much for sharing your experience, truly, truly wonderful. Mywo question was intersectionality with other sports. What do you o think the nfl cano better, i know emma b has pride night and stuff like that and other sports to do, of the things of that. Where do you think the nfl can approve . Do you think theres some intersectionality between mlb athletes, nba and nfl athletes we can learn from . I think every Major Sports League has a lesson to learn or a precautionary tale of what not to do. I think looking at mlb and nba they have ambassadors of lgbtq conclusion that are also players. Intentionally where building out thee lgbtq . Just the Diversity Inclusion equity divisions in the nfl can be done. Looking at the wnba and feeble Sports League listen to the players and have them lead social change, be the forefront is very importantth as well. The listt goes on. The possibilities are endless a but i think at the forefront its about building into foundation lecture people in real making decisions are of the community is there making decisionss about. I cant end this without asking a question. [laughing] [applause] there you go. So as a trance and bisexual boy, ive been having a a loot of trouble with my identity. So like, what would you say about like finding yourself . Like, what would you say about that . Oh, my gosh. I i would say honestly its the journey that, even at the age of 31 i know i do not not know anything about myself. But you and hopefully everyone around you have given you the opportunity and the freedom to learn, to discover, to unify and we identify and figure it out to challenge your own concepts on the concepts around you of who you should be or who you are. I think that as time goes on you will feel more at yourself. I think youll find people that see you for you and love you and accept you as just as you are and that is okay to challenge the world around you. The world