Well start with brian. Shes dedicated her life to supporting our nations military, veterans and families of fallen heroes. Shes inspired by the character, leadership and sacrifice of her brother, First Lieutenant travis, who made the ultimate sacrifice in iraq aprilde 29, 2007. Serving as a president of the foundation since 2012, leading a National Union focusing on veterans and families of the fallen to take the next steps in the personal journeys the next generation of leaders. 2015, she received the president s lifetime achievemeni award for volunteer service. In 2016, ryanci took an official appointment to serve on the remember and explore subcommittee and the honor subcommittee for the Advisory CommitteeArlington National cemetery. Ryan also serves as a board member of the National Association of Veterans Serving Organization as well as on the Advisory Board for the global war on terror, memorial foundation. Ryan resides right here with her husband and three children, where she continues to serve our community as a township supervisor, elected in 2011. [applause] heather is the coauthor of this book as well, she is the surviving spouse of First Lieutenant, robert who was killed in afghanistan barbara might, 2010. West Region Program manager for the Travis Manion foundation, working closely with veterans returning to civilian life, surviving family members of those who make the ultimate sacrifice in fostering americas nextfa generation of leaders. Ryan and heather will be in conversation today with eric, there is the director of giving for the Travis Foundation and he is the coowner of monkeys uncle store here. Please join me in welcoming ryan, heather and derek. [applause] welcome, everyone. What we will do this afternoon is, im going to ask ryan and heather, we will reap some of the favorite excerpts from the book, elaborate on them a little bit more, will go through a few of those in q q a. Then we will read into book signing portion. A what i really want to do is, ryan, ill start with you, obviously we are here in doylestown, the knock at the door for you happen to right here in this community and your brother, travis was so well known that this community really did feel that ripple effect. But with that, your family made a decision on how to move forward and honor travis. Do you mind elaborating on that a little more . Sure okay. Thank you all for coming out today, i appreciate it. I was just telling glenda, we are so excited to be here, weve been in new york all week and we are happy to just be with people, we been sitting in hotel rooms all week. Its great to be here, but those not familiar, why i am the president of the foundation, our organization was founded in 2007 after my brother was killed in iraq. Ill tell you when i got the news that travis was killed, i was standing inside cultures, i was about to open a store right there work now, i think it is a Holiday House and i was standing there with landlord, about to sign the lease on my second location from i owned a Small Business in new jersey and my door rang and it was my aunt on the other line, telling mee to come back to my parents house five minutes down the road. I learned my brother had been killed. It was on the day of travis funeral, my dad told my mom and my husband in the bedroom and said from this day forward, we continue on, making sure we live to our office, we continue his legacy of service. We committed that day to do just that. That was really the birth of Travis Foundation and i say it all the time, we become a National Veterans organization across the country but the roots qu our organization are from right here in this community. To this day, when i travel across the country and say where are you headquartered . I say doylestown pennsylvania. We have eight regional offices across the country and operate over one 30,000 members. Staff of over 50 employees across the country but the community here played a large part, and still plays a tremendously large part in helping us do the work we do to support veterans and families of the fallen. Thank you. With that, want to go into more of some of the experts from the book. Ryan, we will start with you. The first expert you pick up. If you wouldnt mind reading that through. Sure, this is from our introduction. But more of us talking, none of us know how to do preflight. None of us believe theres only one way to do it. You know how to do it wrong, because weve all done that at various times. We washed out checked out, with self medicated heavily, too much and exercise and eating too little. We know anger and depression, with abandon friendships and selfcare. You name the tragic fall or unhealthy public medicine and we have all done at one time or another. But we have grown, too. We found forgiveness, healing and peace. Weve realized how much fight there is left in us and how much opportunity has been afforded us with been challenged to embrace those moments of opportunity and we fully expect to continue to learn. Our individual journeys all look the same if they wont look like yours. Despite our differences, we have learned one universal truth that applies to each of us. Every human will struggle in this life. The challenge is to struggle. After all, struggle is growth. Its only when we embrace the pain, heartache and discomfort to punctuate our life that we can ultimately find the strength we need to grow from those moments. This is the fact of human existence and its as true at the molecular level as it is ato the celestial one. Muscles dont grow unless we have liberally damaged our friable muscle from exercising them strenuously. E only when the fibers have broken down can our body go through the natural process of repair and strengthening. Thats it. Thank you. I went a little too long. I had to stop. [laughter] i cant tell her what to do. [laughter] in that section though, what you detail, it really does not speak directly to anything related to the military or lost, it sounds more something that anyone can relate to and different types of knock at the door. Can you talk about that . Heather and i and our coauthor is not with us from but she has her first child, eight weeks old, but that baby grace up to new york with us all week so we gave her the day off today. We gave her the weekend off but heather, amy and i from we all lost our loved ones to this country. Ov while we obviously felt it was important to share our stories and blend in more than that, we wrote this book because each and every one of us is going to get a knock on the door. That knock can come in many different forms, they can come from the death of a loved one, it can come from divorce, heartache, it can come from cancer diagnosis and what we talk about a lot in the book is, not so much about what happens, when the knock comes but how you rrespond when you get it. So we talk a lot about through that process, im very upfront to say it took me 12 years to put pen to paper and share my thoughts on all this. If you would have asked me five years ago to write this book, it would have been a very different story and probably not terribly uplifting. I feel like weve all come to find we are in a place now where, and also, we are not selfhelp experts so but, we also feel we do have good professional experience in grief and loss and how you move forward. So weve put our tricks and tips and what works for us and what didnt work for us into this book. It really is, it is for anyone. Its for anyone, not only who has done a knock at the door but also for those who havent. We always say for those who have not crimes are not yet, be the best version of yourself today. That is great. Heather, i want to ask you to read your first expert excerpt, ryan i think did a tremendous job of setting the table for what her knock at the door was like and heathers first excerpt hes going to explain how her experience was with the. Okay. Can you hear me . This is kind of way mine started, november the ninth, 2010. My knock at the door came at 3 00 a. M. I was in a deep sleep and when i first turned to the door, it felt far away. So i was coming out of a drowsyd haze i didnt recognize the noise from prior was. I thought the marking force was part of a dream. I realized the sound was real and was coming for my own front door. Honestly i wasnt expecting company at that s i hour. I got to the door and looked through the peephole to see three standing together. Emily, i had a sinking feeling in my cup. My husband was inny afghanistan earlier and i knew the appearance of marines and uniform at your home was rarely a good thing. I remember something i heard in a meeting i attended and he gave me some hope. If you receive a notification from two to three millions wills come to your house no earlier than 8 00 in the morning. I recalled sitting with auditor military members at the meeting, we learned important things to one theugh the monthth words company, if they were bad news, it wouldnt come for another five hours at least. I wondered how long they had been standing outside trying to get my attention. After concluding it was unlikely they were there for rob, i thought they were asking about another marine family. I felt sorry for anyone they vre planning to visit. I knew they were bringing bad news for someone. Had been halfasleep a moment ago i was wide awake now. One of the marines was a certification officer and when he began his scripted speech, telling my husband, was dead, on behalf of the president of the united states, began the rest was a blur. My head fell into my hands and my brain shut down. I heard the remainder of the script as though i was underwater. Something about how he sustained injuries from an ied that resulted in loss of his leg and a formal closing where i only heard extending their sympathies. Then, silence. When he finished reading this beach, the notification officer looked up and stared at me. I imagine waiting for a storm to erupt. I thought the days, i dont think they were quite sure what to make of my reaction or rather, lack of reaction. There is nothing on the surface, i was in total shock. I didnt offer following screens or agonized cries, i think they would have much preferred if i had. Instead, i sat dumbfounded, staring straight ahead, all busted between me and them was t deep quiet sadness that made b e feel empty. The news that he was dead didnt seem real and get real enough to leave me hello. Like some, i didnt immediately conclude there must have been a mistake. The notification couldnt help but meant for me. Rob was gone forever and that was clear to me. There is nothing to be said, though i said nothing. Thank you. [applause] you mentioned in their back yard knock came at 3 00 a. M. Can you talk more about why that time, why it happened at that time . Like i mentioned in the book, is out of the ordinary. They came to my home at 3 00 a. M. , at the time, my husband was serving overseas, my mother was also an active duty, he would have got the news immediately. He would sign onto his computer and see the list of casualties. So i was notified, i was living in california at the time, so i was notified at that time. One of his best friends he went through training with the marine corps, went to his door at 6 00 a. M. And notified him so they came to me at 3 00 a. M. So we would find out at the same time. We were able to communicate immediately. That was the reason behind my unusual notification times and why it did not go along with what i was told it would be like. Great, thank you. We are going to come back to you and have you read your second excerpt if you dont mind. Okay. This is from the third paragra paragraph, a few months, my drug of choice. Second, i had to take away the end of the chapter. The first takeaway was second, a support system, embrace it. Relationships are everything. Family, friends and loved ones can get us through the darkest and saddest moment. We just need to let them. Our friends and families beat our wild and patients and nourish our dreams. When we share with them embarrassing embassy thats well beyond our reach, they were say go for it. If youre lucky enough to have friends and family like mine, they may even say, imm in, les do it together. They gently and lovingly protect us from our own selfdestructive habits. They lift us up, literally, when we cant go another step. They cheer us on when we look like a frankenstein. The loving support system, we can afford to be a little naive. Be bold, fearless but dont do it alone. You are human and you are only one person. Allow yourself to be carried forward by those who love you. Finally, dont wait, i beg you, please dont wait. I have no idea how tough i was, why did i wait until my brother was dead to find out . I only regret of running the marathony in 2007 is that it didnt take place in 2006. You know who would have loved to run and drink with me . N travis. That would require focus and w discipline, far more up his l. A. Than mine. He would have been proud and we would have had a ball together. There are so many things i wish we could have done together, are not the same woman he knew when he was alive. I am better, i am stronger. Why did i wait for him to disappear before i became the woman i wanted to be . Thank you. [applause] you talk about how you are better and stronger than the woman thomas no. Whats your thoughts if travis were here today . Quote he think about what you have done in the person you are now today . I would say, as it pertains to the Travis Foundation, i say would be right beside all of us, with the organization, would be right in the mix. I also an there to say one thini could hate, we named it the Travis Foundation. [laughter] it was something we recognized but it was like a few years ago and my dad said, i feel like travis wouldnt like that we named after him. I said weve already committed. We cant change it now. I talk a lot in that chapter, a lot of the takeaways are because i talked about how i decided to run along with 100 of our family and friends in 2007, we decided to run the Marine Corps Marathon because travis was signed up that year. R. One of the things i say in the book is that travis didnt ask me to ask him, he called my dad. He knew that was not something i was going to do. It was like, as soon as travis passed away, here i am saying now im going to run a marathon. Theres something to that where of course i finished that marathon and i felt like tremendously strong and proud and i honored, so well but i was also like, why did it take him leaving for me to say now im going to do it . Thats a lot of what i battled with and learned about in that chapter but i think it would be incredibly proud to be right here beside us and i know if we transitioned out of the military, he would be doing everything he could to support his fellow veterans and for those transitioning out as well thank you. Heather, we are going to go back to you. Next excerpt heather is going to read is from, your dream may be taken away from you but your money away. When my 17yearold self met him at the university in 2002, we dreamed of spending our lives together. It occupied the greater part of our adult life, everything after. The years went on, the dream remained, we became more mature and complex. We adjusted to any circumstances. Reunion after department, a married couple in our new house, we imagine holidays with our atfuture family, we played factoring out in detail and as much pleasure as we possibly could. One day in 2010, i buried my dreamer and was left to dream alone. Obviously thislo no landmark on this roadmap i accounted for myself. It involves my dream but navigating life is driving through a snowstorm. You can only see 10 feet in front of you, treacherous but it is doable. You can make a whole journey that way. You may not know 50 miles on the rock but it shouldnt stop you from dreaming. We have known so early in our marriage, i dont think our dreams would have worked any different. We would have but time in tallahassee for, we would have marched down the days until ourp next journey begins. We committed our lives to each other. Anyones dreams can be grouped away and believe me, it hurts. Dream anyway. P dreamsticipation the bring you outweigh whats left behind. [applause] you talk about dreaming anyway, can you speak more about the process for you and your own personal journey and how he went about being able to dream again and look forward to things as you started to take the first steps forward. I think part of finding cap anticipation in life again and things to look forward to come up with trying to find a way to find a purpose in that. I dont know if theres everything you say in a lost job but finding meaning behind it and what i can do to continue to move forward purposefully andnd part of that was the Travis Manion foundation, i crossed paths with them at different stages throughout the years. I think what the foundation did in a way to honor and sacrifice the service and continue service in my own pray in his name was a huge part of that. His very early in my journey from a very important to me. I couldnt talk about in book but after volunteering a while, san diego, Fulltime Position opened up and when i interviewed for the job, at the end in our instructor said we want to bring you on this team, congratulations. How soon can you start . I said today, i will give two weeks notice on my job and he said okay. He flipped the calendar and twoo weeks from the day i was sitting there in his office, i was a monday, two weeks ahead was november 9, 2015. My birthday was going to be the five Year Anniversary of losing him. In that moment, i knew rob had kind of sent me something special, thats what helped bring the other side, is a huge part of that journey and taking on a career that foundation, it helped me see ahead and for the future could look like without him here. Her i did an internal thank you and today was the five Year Anniversary of joining the foundation. Beautiful. Thank you. [applause] we are going to ask you to read your third excerpt and this is from a section titled failure is att bruise, not a test tube. Before travis died, never bothered to think much about failure. Its not because i was wildly successful at everything i tried my hand e at, believe me, i faid at plenty of things. Rather, it was because i didnt care enough about anything to give it muchug effort. I was sometimes apathetic. Travis was ambitious, and i was just coasting through life. After he died, and then my mom died, had a major wakeup call. I took advantage of the time i have left on this earth to lead a life they can both be proud of. Want to do this, not for my sake but for theirs. After their death, it fueled me and nourished me and i became obsessed with finding the next mountain to climb. But nothing stop me from getting to the top. Then, as occurs with all humans, i failed. I have no idea how to deal with failure. Ive never permitted myself to deal with it before. Failure can be crushing, ite can make you feel worthless and disillusioned the first few times i felt i was simply not prepared for the consequences. I had become so programmed to forge ahead and not let anything stopto me that i did not know hw to handle it when i hit a roadblock. Third time, i allowed my failures to define me. Then i began to accept them as stating thought process. Failure wasnt so scary anymore. We recognize our lives are a series of successes and failures, we are more likely to handle difficulties when they arrive. They always do. Eventually, despite the inevitable failures, we come to learn our next success is never too far off in the distance. [applause] thank you. You talk about coming from the calendar andal failures and successes, having taken over leading foundation you had pictures to fill from your mom and obviously with carrying on travis legacy going forward, for you, what really is your approach when it comes to almost like that goal g setting and saying okay, this is what g we e going to do and this is how we are going to do it in this was how we will get there. How do you approach, in your own mind, you kind of put yourself in a high position you feel like you have to succeed at everything . Five years after my brother was killed, my mom passed from cancer and at this time from the foundation was at a National Scale and i worked at the foundation of the time, i had come on a couple of years earlier, my position was executive director i was an assistant, i followed her, she led the charge, and never had anything because she made the decisions. I would ever say whatever you need. I was just feeling the gaps. After she passed away, it was two weeks later, our board met and they told me i would now be the president of this foundation. I felt tremendous weight on my shoulders, one that i didnt fully comprehend until i got a little bit more into it but i was being talked into okay, you are in charge, he got close to 50 employees, youre running a nonprofit, its named after your brother. By the way, your mom started it. So dont fail. That was really scary. Jokingly, i say the first thing i did, i hired some fairly talented people who i knew would not let the organization fail. I brought in great leadership to help us but i think forming from the way i work through things is like, is this idea, i cant fail at this. I cant let this, if i fail, i dont just fail myself, i fail a lot of people, j including the legacy of my mom and my brother. I had too learn to not just look i setting goals in a way of okay, next, we have to do this. I had to be very intentional and i talk about intention in the book and setting intentional not just setting poles for sheer glory but setting poles in a way to say, this is how we are going to do it. Being very intentional about the thought behind it, why you are setting thoughtful and what the purpose of it is. Its been almost seven years now, running this organization and outside of that, i also talk about the daily challenges of not just what i do at this foundation and also being a wife and her mother in making sure i dont let those responsibilitys fall to the wayside so its a bit of a balancing act. I dont know any other way to say it, happy medium, a fine balance you will find, no . I talk a lot about this idea, dont let these small things set you back too far. It for a time in the beginning, i was letting little failures, i talk about failures in the book from its small things. Like we didnt get that grant i thought we were going to get and i would o go into a place of, oh my gosh. His organization is ending. They dont believe in our impact. Clearly, we are not doing what we are supposed to do. Great, the next one will work. A a all about changing your mindset of having this belief in knowing that again, we are going to fail today but we have the opportunity to wake up tomorrow and succeed. Great. [applause] heather, im going to ask you to read one last excerpt for us. This is from a section titled, if you expect to see the good, or you expect to see the bad, you well. Theres a quote by henry ford that because, if you think you can or cant, you areid right. Perspective is having in somewhat of life and subject too becoming a selffulfilling prophecy. The day we will with grace is the same. I was having things for sale in a small shop in California North of san diego. There were two cocktail classes, 1000 euros and 1 cent mind. A company by a matching picture that set hours. I would have considered this but these days, i find it depressing. I was feeling down about the turn my life had taken little reminders of my grief followed me everywhere i went. I turned a corner inside and as i did from the song rob and i considered our song, fetter together by jack johnson, it played on the radio sitting on a shelf in a nearby booth. I thought it was robs way of telling me he was still listening and understood the pain i felt and i would never be allowed. Its true. Reminders of difficulties and sadness are everywhere. We dont have to look too hard to find them but reminders of happier times are everywhere, too. We can feel reassured and take pleasure in them when we need them most. After much more intentional about seeking these things out though. [applause] in the book, you speak about how you use humor. I was wondering if you could elaborate on that a little more. One of my earliest coping mechanisms was kind of finding dark humor in the situation i came after in my brotherinlaw, its surreal to be 26 years old and lost her husband. We sitting in a funeral home, planning a funeral with his family. My brother, tried to lighten the mood. He said you know what rob would have wanted for his funeral, i said what . He would have wanted you to ride into arlington on an elephant. The most absurd think you could possibly think of. I said youre right, he would have. It became our joke for that first week and he reminded me of this episode where bart came in on an elephant s and materializes and gets indignant, wheres my elephant . Thank you. [applause] at this point we would like to open it up to questions from the audience. If you could raise your hand the girls would love to answer a few questions. Yes, go right ahead. Hes is available on audio book . And audioav look version is recorded right now. We just used our forces so that was actually a fun project. They havent given us a final date but they audio version is forthcoming. Senate to heather when you the news did you have any family members in california . Have the time i was the only one outside of san diego but my brother john is in the marines and he was stationed about two hours away. Those marines rat my door and everybody knew that i needed to see john and he hopped in the car immediately that first day before i flew to the east coast and i talk about in the book he helps me take care of those things. John was my big brother and took on the good brother role. I just want to make a comment on how even though the people are gone forever they are there. My mother passed away 10 years ago and i hadnt spoken to her since her last birthday. She died from lung cancer and next year and my parents anniversary was in june of 1959. All the time i find that they i find pretty much but my stepdaughter died two years ago of suicide. [inaudible] they are gone but they are still there. E. We were at dinner the other night and we talked about it. How is this foundation funded . Our foundation is funded through individual corporations and private philanthropic funds. Its the first in our funding stream that private foundation grants, everything. Can you tell them what the foundation does that funds the program . We are a 501 c 3 nonprofit of families of faith fall into and still character in the next generation we are a community of likeminded individuals like veterans military families and what we like to say as inspired civilians. Right now we are in the midst of operation legacy where we have several projects happening across the country in the month of november. All of our Service Projects are in honor of the fallen servicemember. One of our biggest organizations is called character does matter. We trained veterans to go to school and deliver Character Education to our students. We have worked with over 300,000 kids across the country ages 12 to 18 and its all about programs each and every day in cities and states across the country for them and making sure that they have an opportunity to continuetr to serve outside the uniform. Thank you. Im going to get all emotional for a second. Im not in amongst the peopleay that you are but being an educator who has benefited from it i get to collaborate and im inspired by suzie cook and i thank you for the family you have given me. You have inspired me as an educator so i thank you so much for the family that i have been given and you are all responsible for that. I talk see her dad last year and i got to thank him. Ive been trying hard to get my administrators on board for my middle school. Do you have any advice to turn the tide for getting the administrators and local Police Officers and veterans on board . Let me talk to them. I am good at that. I will say im a counterpart in san diego. I think wordofmouth has been popular. If i can go to middle school and say their fellow principal we have been there and we have seen success and the proof is in the experience of baquette and wordofmouth experience that they get and wordofmouth for sure. Any other questions folks . At this point what we will do as i am going to ask our authors to make their way back to the signing table and christie is going to come up and give everyone here some directions on forming a line and how we will go about giving everyone their books. Thank you again heather and ryan, thank you so much. [applause] i was really concerned that what i felt were a corrosive impact of the false narratives about the fbi and the corrosive impact those narratives were having on the people at the fbi and their ability to do their work and i felt like people understood more about the organization and who we are and how we work and what kind of people are drawn to the fbi and most importantly how we make the decisions we did based on specific Legal Authority and priorities and policies given to us by the department of justice. Next up tvs after words presents history professor sarah milov on her book the cigarette. It explores the political history of tobacco in america. She is interviewed by former fda commissioner david kessler. Host congratulations. Your book is a major comp which meant. It is a significant scholarly work. I think it is fair to say you moved the seal. Guest thats a tremendous thing to hear coming from you david. Thank you so much. Host how does it feel . Guest like a big relief. Its been 10 years in the works to make this book and so its a relief than just a pleasure to be able to talk about it with you and other interesting people. Host three Major Writers spent their careers studying writing about tobacco and cigarettes Richard Kluger who won a Pulitzer Prize for ashes to ashes. Guest amazing. It was really a pageturner