Tv continues now on cspan two and television is for serious readers. Welcome welcome everyone to the bookshop here. We the entire staff are still happy to have you appear and it is such an honor to host this if it. My name is linda child, i am the owner of this bookshop. We are still happy to be in community that supports all local businesses well as our local nonprofits. This is the special one today. It is my honor to introduce you to the office of this book. The authors. Start with client, she is dedicated her life to supporting our nations military veterans and families of fallen heroes. She is inspired the character leadership and sacrifice of her brother. First lt. Travis manion who made the ultimate sacrifice in iraq on april 29, 2007. Surfing as the president of the foundation, since 2012, she leads a National Movement focusing on veterans and families of the fallen. To take the next step of their personal journeys and inspiring the next generation of leaders. In 2015, she received the president Lifetime Achievement award for volunteer service. In 2016, ryan took an official appointment to serve on the remember an export subcommittee and the honor subcommittee for the Advisory Committee at Arlington National cemetery. Ryan also served as a board member of the National Association of veterans surfing organizations. As well as on the Advisory Board for the global war on terror and memorial foundation. Saroyan resides right here in doylestown, with her husband and three children where she continues to sever our community as a township supervisor. Since elected in 2011. [applause] Heather Kelley is the coauthor of this book as well. She is the surviving spouse and rain first lt. Robert kelly. Who was killed in afghanistan on november 9th, 2010. As west Region Program manager for the Travis Manion foundation, heather works closely with veterans returning to civilian life. The surviving family members of those who make the ultimate sacrifice. In fostering americans next generation of leaders. Saroyan and heather will be in conversation today with derek morgan, derek is the director of marketing for the Travis Manion condition. He has become the owner of mckees uncles here in doylestown. Still please join me in welcoming writing heather and derek [applause] welcome everyone. Still what we will do this afternoon his i am going to ask ryan and heather and theyre going to read some of their favorite experts from the book and they will elaborate a little bit more, we will go through a few of those q a. And then we will eat into the actual books on enforcement. And what i really want to do ultimately, it ryan i say i will start with you. Obviously we are here in doylestown, the knock out the door for you happened right here in this community. Your brother travis was still well known that this community really did feel that. That ripple effect. That went out your family really made a decision on how to move forward. And really honored travis. Do you mind elaborating on that little bit more. Thank you all for coming out today. It is truly appreciated. I was just telling glenna, heather and i are still excited to be here. Weve been in new york all week and were just still happy to be with people, weve been sitting hotel rooms all week. It is great to be in doylestown. This today and, for those who are not familiar, the foundation in our organization, was founded in 2007, after my brother first lt. Travis, was killed in iraq. I will tell you when i got the news that travis was killed, i was standing in front of coaches. I actually had, i was about ready to open the store right there right now i say it is a Holiday House grooming. I was standing there with the landlord about to sign the lease on my second location. I owned a Small Business and new jersey. My phone rang, and it was my and the other line telling me to come back to my parents house. Psycho five minutes down the road, and i learned that my brother had been killed. It was on the day of travis news funeral, my dad told my mom and my husband and the pull them into the bedroom he said you know, from this day forward, we continue on making sure that we live to honor travis. Though we continue his legacy of service. And we committed that day, to do just that. That was really the birth of the Travis Foundation. I sent all of the time, we become a National Veterans surfing organization across the country but, the root of our organization are from right here in the community. And to this day, when a travel across the country and they see where your headquarters, i see doyles pain, thats on you. Made eight regional offices across the country. We operate with over hundred and 30000 members. A staff of over if the employees across the country. The community here really plays such a large part. It still plays a tremendously large part in helping us to do the work that we do to support veterans and families of fallen. Perfect thank you bread still with that, what i want to do now is go into a little bit more of some of ryan and heathers favorite experts from the book. Ryan were going to start with you. Theres expert that you picked out. If you wouldnt mind reading that through. This is actually from our introduction read some little bit more about us talking about grief. None of us know how to do grief right. And honestly there is only one way to do it. We know how to do it wrong though. Because we have all aired varies points. They lashed out at low blends out of daily life. With self medicated heavily. We slept is it too much. And with exercise and eating is it too little. And anger into depression. Theyve abandoned friendships and selfcare. You name the tragic fall or unhealthy mechanisms of coping and weve all done at one time or another. But with 12. We found forgiveness and healing and peace. We realize just how much strength there is left in his. And how much opportunity has been afforded us. We have been challenged to embrace in moments of opportunity we fully expected to continue to learn. Our individual journeys dont off of look the same. And they wont look like viewers. But despite our differences, we have learned one universal truth that applies to each of us. Every human will struggle in this life. Our challenge is to struggle well. Because after all, struggle is antecedent of growth. It is only when we embrace the pain and heartache and discomfort the punctuated lives that we can continue ultimately find strength we need to grow from those moments. This is effective human existence. And it is a true of the molecular loophole as it is at the celestial one. Her muscles dont grow mostly literally damage or fiber muscles. By exercising them strenuously. Only when those fibers have broken down, can our body go through the natural process of repair and strengthening. Thats it. [applause] perfect thank you. Actually went a little bit is it too long. I had to stop. [laughter] i cant tell her what to do. [laughter] still in that section though with what you detail, it really does not speak directly to anything related to the military art loss of family members. It really sounds more than anyone can relate to. Different types of the knocks out the door. He talked about that. Silk heather and amy and i and amy has brought with us, to the house all week but she has her first child eight weeks old. Still that maybe grace up to new york with the solway week and we give the day off today. Actually give her the weekend off. Tethering amy and i, we all lost our loved ones didnt service to this country. While we obviously felt that it was important to share our stories and all the stories, more than that, we wrote this book because each and every one of us is going to get enough in the door. That law can come in many different forms. They can come from the death of a loved one, it can come from divorce, income from heartache. It can come from a cancer diagnosis. What we talk about a lot in the book is not still much about what happens in with outcomes, but how you respond. Still what about through that process and i am very upfront to see that it took me 12 years to be able to put pen to paper and share my thoughts all this. He wouldve asked me five years ago to write this book, it wouldve been a very different story and probably not terribly uplifting. But if you like we have all come to find that we are in a place now and we also, very much see that we are not selfhelp experts. We also feel that we do have some pretty good professional experience grief and loss. How you move forward. Still ive kind of put our tricks and tips and what worked for us and what did it work for us into this book. And it really, it is for anyone. Not only who has had a knock out the door but also for those who have it. We always see, for those who havent got enough in the door yet, be the best version of yourself today. Thats great, thank you. Heather, want to ask you to read your first expert in all kind of premise it bite ryan did a tremendous job of setting the table for what her knock out the door was like. And others first expert she is 20 explained how her experience was for that. Still, the story of how minox started. Tuesday november 9th 2010, it might knock on the document three m. I was in a deep sleep when i first heard the wrapped front door, he felt far away. I was still coming out of the drowsy haze. I didnt recognize recognize noise for what it was. In fact i thought it was part of the dream. It was a realize that was real and its coming from my own front door, i wasnt expecting company than ours i hesitated before answering. I got to the door to the people and c3 sharply dressed marine standing together. In a neatly had a sinking feeling in my gut. My husband and in the truck six weeks earlier. The parents of variance in uniform, that your home, was rarely a good thing. I remember something unheard in a meeting that i attended. And give me some help. The receiving notification, to the three marines will come to your house no earlier than 8 00 oclock in the morning. I recall sitting with other military families is meeting where we learned important things that we need to know to get to the next seven months. The protocols, are notified of a person news loved one. If this is bad news about rob, would be coming for another five hours lease. In one hell of the marines had been standing outside trying to get to my attention. After concluding it was unlikely they were there from, i figured they were at where another family live. I felt sorry for whoever they were there for. And regardless of whom they were speaking to visit, i knew they were bring badness for someone. Ive been have slipped just a moment ago but i was quite annoyed awake and prayed one of the marines serve the notification officer when he began his formal scripted speech telling me that my husband lt. Robert kelly, was dead. On behalf of the president of the united states, he began, and the rest of the board. My health had fell into my has my brain completely shut down. I heard the remainder of the script as though i were underwater. In the end of the lt. Kelly has been performing, how he sustained injuries from an ied blast that resulted in the loss of his life. Some formal tilting only the phrase, we extend our deepest sympathies. And then. [silence] we do finish reading this page, the officers of debt and said to me, i mentioned waiting for a storm to erupt. He felt the case of the two marines on me and the felt them look at the chaplain. Im not sure they knew what i know what to say about my lack of reaction. I was in total shock. They didnt offer any billing streams or agonize price, no torn up kristin for them to fe feel. I say it wouldve preferred if they had prayed and said, except dumbfounded staring straight ahead. All the stood between me and them was a part of why its sadness that made me feel empty. The news that rob listed didnt seem real but enough to meet like me feel hollow. I didnt immediately conclude that there must be some mistake. I knew this wasnt the kind of thing they were going to throw up. Rob was gone forever. That was clear to me. There was nothing to be said still i said nothing. [applause] thank you prayed. Thank you for that heather. You mentioned in their that your knock came at 3 00 a. M. Can talk a little bit more about why that time and why it happened specifically at the time. Like i mentioned in the book, it was very out of the ordinary that they came to my home at 3 00 a. M. At the time when my husband was overseas, my fatherinlaw was also an active duty marine. And we knew when he went into work that he wouldve found that the news immediately. He would sign onto his computer. He would see the liz of casualties. He was very dialed into that precise notified runs in california. I was notified at the exact time same time he was still one of his best friends that he went all through training within the marine corps, went to the store at 6 00 a. M. And notified him as of the marines also came to me at three clock in the morning. Still we would all find out same time. We were able to communicate immediately. Still that was the reasoning behind my unusual notification time. And why it did not go along with what i had always told him it would be like. Sac thank you. Brian, will come back to you and have you read your second expert if you dont mind. This is from the third paragraph called a few months but my drug of choice. I had them take away at the end of the chapter. First take away was embrace your support system. Relationships are everything. Family and friends and loved ones can get us through the darkest and saddest moments. We just thing to let them. Our friends and family feet are wild admissions and nourish our bill dreams. But we share with them from embarrassing fantasies as well beyond the reach, they always see go for it. And if you are lucky enough to have friends and family like mine, the mavens see i am in. Lets do it together. They gently and lovingly protect us. From her own selfdestructive habits. Ellipsis of literally when we cant go another step. In the interest on when we look like frankenstein. The loving support of some we can afford to be a little naive. Bold and fearless, but dont do it alone. You are human and you are only one person. Allow yourself to be carried forward by those who love you. And finally, dont wait. I beg you, dont wait. I had no idea how tough i was. Why did i wait until my brother was dead to find out. My only regret of running the marathon in 2007, was that it didnt take place in 2006. You know who wouldve love to rund and trade with me. Travis. Something like that which was still much discipline, was far more up his l. A. Than mine. He was he wouldve been still proud we wouldve had a ball together. Theres many things i wish we couldve done together. Im at the same woman he knew when he was alive. I better than i am stronger red why did i wait for him to disappear before i became the woman i wanted to be. Thank you [applause]. Selecting that expert you talk about how you are better and stronger than the woman that travis knew. What are your thoughts if travis were here today. What would he say about what youve done in the person you are not today. I always see as it pertains to the Travis Foundation, i see he would be right beside all of us. The organization and he would be right in the mix. I also know that one thing that he would hate us we named it the Travis Foundation. And it was actually something that we recognize but it was like, like a few years ago my dad said, i just feel like he wouldnt like it that we named it after may we should change the name. Weve already committed, we cant change it now but i talk a lot about in that chapter, a lot of those takeaways are because the talk about how i decided to run along with about a hundred of our family and friends in 2007, decided to run the marine corps marathon. Because travis had signed up for that year. In one of the things i see the book is travis did not need to run it. He called my daddy knew that was set wasnt something i was going to do. Still it was, teamwork, as soon as travis passed away, and i am staying what now im going to run a marathon. Theres something to that where, of course i finished that marathon and i felt like tremendously strong and proud. I had on her travis well but i was also like why did it take him leaving for me to see it now am going to do it. Still that is a lot when i battled with. I wrote about in that chapter but i say he would be incredibly proud to be right here beside us and i know that if he had transitioned out of the military, he would be doing everything he could to support his fellow veterans and those transitioning out is full. Great thank you. I will go back to you. The next six or that heather is my great is actually has heading, you dream may be taken away from you tomorrow dream anyway. When my 17 your when my 17 yearold self met my love in 2002, we jumped up spinning our lives together. It was fun occupied our lives every day after. The dream remains but evolved to become more mature and complex readily adjusted it to whatever our circumstances having to a given time. We imagine meeting after to employment and the parties of the married couple at her new house. Imagine holidays with our future family. We played that dream out and new in detail and glean as much pet pleasures and possibly could. We run it right and then one day in 2010, buried him and i was left dream alone. I would see this are the mental roadmap i had created for myself and i counted for this. No part of the dream involved moving my husband and still young of an edge purpose sometimes navigating life they were driving through a snowstorm. You can only see 10 feet in front of you. And scary treacherous but you know what, its doable. You can make the whole turning that way. He may not know in 15 or 50 miles down the road, but that shouldnt stop you from dreaming about how wonderful it will be we do get there. And if only i had known that day was still early in our marriage, they would have looked any different. We still wouldve had that carefree summer in florida. We still wouldve its been our time apart marking down the days until an extreme. We still wouldve committed our lives to one another. Anyones dreams can be worth and you can lose it in his head and gubelli maitland hurts like hell. Dream anyway. The anticipation, they will far outweigh the pain that absence leaves behind. [applause] thank you for that heather. You took my dreaming anyway. Can you speak a little bit more about the process for you your own personal journey. And how you went about being able to dream again. And how do you look forward to things. As you started taking those first steps forward. Art of finding that anticipation and things to look forward to, was trying to find a way to find a purpose. And having awestruck, i dont know that theres ever something that you see, what it was to last him but finding meaning behind it and what can i do to continue to move forward purposefully. That was was foundation. The cypress crossed paths with my coauthors. I met both of them at different stages and throughout the journey throughout the years. In finding what Travis Foundation dead in a way to honor robs sacrifice in service and to continue service in my own way. It was then. It was a huge part of that. And being to volunteer with the foundation for a few years was very early in my journey and very important to me. I got to talk about it in the book but after volunteering for a while, out san diego and a Fulltime Position with foundation. When interviewed for that job, our west coast abbey said, will bring on the team, congratulations. How soon can we start. Off of today and ill give notice of a job. He said okay. Look to the gambling two weeks from the day i was sitting there and his office, is there in the honda morning, two weeks ahead was november 9th 2015. Phillips my first day was going to be the fiveYear Anniversary of losing rob. In the moment, november 9th, i knew that rob had sent me a Little Something special, that was what helped bring me to get beside it was a huge part of that journey. Taking on a new career with foundation, it really helped me see ahead and sue that future could look like that went out him here. I get a little internal thank you. And yeah, today is for your five Year Anniversary of joining the foundation. Nine years since the blast rob. Beautiful, thank you. [applause] ran from going to ask you to read your third expert, this is titled failure has brought a bruise. Before travis died, i never bothered to say much about failure. Its not because i was wildly successful everything a mechanic, believe me, i filled out plenty of things. Rather it was because he didnt care enough about anything to you but much effort. I was sometimes apathetic. Travis was ambitious, cool oriented and i was just coasting through life. After he died, and the my mom died, and a major wakeup call. Now i feel compelled to take advantage of the time i have left on this earth to lead a life they can both be proud of. I want to do this not for my fink, for theirs. After the death, fulfilled me and intern tension nourish me and i became obsessed with finding the next mountain to climb. I would net the say nothing stop me from getting to the top but then, as one occurs with all a few months, i failed. I had no idea how to deal with failure. Since i had never permitted myself to do it with it before. Failure can be crushing. He can make you feel worse and dissolution. The first few times i failed, i was simply not prepared for the consequences. Become still programmed to forge ahead and not let anything stop me that i did not know and handle it when hit a roadblock. I allowed my failures to define me. Then i began to accept them as simply a stage in the process. Failure was also scary anymore. We recognize that our lives are just a series of successes and failures, where more likely to also handle difficulties when they arise. And they always do. Eventually, the united despite the inevitable failures, we come to learn in our next success, its never is it too far off in the distance. [applause] you talk about overcoming the challenges failures and successes. Having taking over leaving foundation, you had big shoes to fill from your mom and obviously with caring on travis is legacy going forward. For you, what really is your approach comes to just almost like that goal setting and staying okay this is what were going to do and this is how are going to do it thats our go to get there how you approach annoying that you have almost in your mind have put yourself in a very high position that you feel like you how to succeed in everything. Five years almost of the day after my brother killed my mother passed and cancer. At this. The Travis Foundation was at a national scale. I actually worked at the foundation at the time. A kid come on a couple of years earlier in the position was executive director. But it actually was just the assistant. I have followed her and she led the charge. He never had to make any real decisions because she made the decisions and i was just hate whatever you need mom, and i was just kind of filling the gap. And after she passed away, was two weeks later, our board met. They told me that i would now be the president of the tran Travis Manning foundation. I felt, tremendous weight on my shoulders. One that i did not fully cover head until i got a little bit more into it. But here i was, being tossed into, you are in charge. You have 50 employees knew running a multimillion dollar nonprofit by the way it is named after your brother. By the way your mom started it. Dont help. It was really scary. As i jokingly said the first thing i did was i went out and i hired some really talented people who i knew would not let the organization fail. We brought in some great leadership to help us but you know, i say that i have worked through things, it was this idea of i cannot fail at this. I cannot let this by fellow that, i dont only feel myself i feel a lot of people including the legacy of my mom and my brother. And still i had to learn to not just look at setting goals in a way of we have to do this. I had to be very intentional. I talk a lot about the book in setting intentional goals being intentional but not just goals from here, or glory setting goals in a way that this is how were going to do it, being very intentional about the thought behind it. Why are you sending that goal and what is the purpose of it. I guess its minimalist seven years now running this organization and outside of that i also talk about the daily challenges of not just what i do at the Travis Manning foundation but also being a wife and a mother. In making sure that it was his responsibilities fall to the wayside still its a bit of a balancing act. Its very happy medium, fine balance that you would find no. That is why, i talk a lot about this idea that adult let the small things that you back is it too far. For time in the beginning, i was loving small little failures, one talk about failures in the book, the small things. Is failures like we didnt get that grant i thought we were going to get. I would going to a place of, oh my gosh. This organization is ending. They dont believe in rm act. Clearly were not doing what were supposed to do. Is all about changing your mindset. The next one will. Have a belief and knowing that again, you are going to fail today. You have the opportunity to wake up tomorrow and succeed. [applause] how to struggle well. Heather going to ask you to read one less expert for us. And this is from section that is child if you expect to see the good, we expect to see the bed, you will. Physical the spy henry ford, i say you can only say you can or you say you cant, you are right. Perspective is still much of subject to be a selffulfilling prophecy prophecy. The way we deal place works family. Not long ago i was cruising items for sale small shot just north of san diego. Some of our set that had two cocktail glasses. One that centers on this in mind. The glasses were a matching pitcher that said hours. In the mean time i wouldve considered that. But these days i find it depressing. Im still putting down and the term that my life taken at those little reminders followed me everywhere i went. Attorney quarter inside of the shot and i and the song that rob and i consider our song, Better Together by jack thompsons, began playing and radio that was sitting on a chef in a nearby booth. Like to say it was robs reminding me that he was still with me and that he understood the pain i felt and that no matter what, i would never be alone. Its true, the difficulties and sadness are everywhere and you dont usually have to look is it too hard to find them but the fact is reminders of happier times are there is it too we can feel reassured by them and take pleasures in the little joys and sometimes we have to much more intentional sometimes and picking out the signs. [applause] thank you. In the book you also speak a good deal about how you used humor. As wondering if you can elaborate on that a little bit more. Deftly one of my earliest coping mechanisms was trying to find some dark humor in the situation that came after. And my brotherinlaw, was, my partner in that. Surreal that he be 26 euros old and lasting ever has been. You are putting your funeral. My brotherinlaw, try to, like the mood, and i, we would start to see you know what rob wouldve really wanted. I would see wet. He would want to do to write into arlington on an elephant. The most absurd thing you possibly say of. I said you write and became a joke for about the first week. He reminded me theres a simpson episode. He wants an elephant. Still that was her joke for the week. Just between he and i. I would see present elephant. You might elephant here. Sounds ridiculous but it would take us out of the moment. John and i were connect. How that moment of lightness, you have to laugh. I didnt want to cry everyday. I could cry everyday. Still the early humor was still important. And kinda carried me through steel and rob was very funny and sarcastic and was always cracking jokes. Still i can see him in that still. Definitely one of my earliest ways to cope. [applause] right thank you. At this. With the would like to open it up to some questions from the audience. If you can raise your hand. The girls would love to answered a few questions. My husband drives on his way to work he listen to audiobooks. And the audio book is being recorded right now. It was a fun process. They havent given us a final date. But yes, audio version is coming. Student enter did you have the news from any family members. At the time i was only one. Over brotherinlaw john lamb i just mentioned, he was stationed about two hours away. Still soon as the marines were at my door and they knew that everyone and everyone in the family knew, i need to see john. An opt in the car immediately. He was with me that first day before he flew to the east coast. Help me take care of all of those Little Things just sat with me as i sat with the news. He took on that big brother brawl. X wanamaker, not still much question. Im not loving, when my mother passed away, ten years ago, i spoke into the previous but wouldve been in her last birthday, and she died within two months. From that day forward, starting next june, my parents anniversary was june 20th, 1959. I find that on that day, and offender penny was 1959. And pretty much every other day, my stepdaughter, died two years ago from suicide and i was pumping gas and it literally stopped at the same date. I say everybody should be aware that they are gone but they are still there. We are always looking for the size. Were talking about stuff like that. Houses foundation funded. To individual donors, corporations, private funds. We are pretty evenly dispersed. Private foundations and grants all source of everything. For those who are not familiar with the Travis Manning foundation. We are a nonprofit organization, our mission is to empower veterans and families of the fallen who the next generation and we are a community of likeminded individuals. Military families and veterans, and inspired civilians. We do everything like right now, we are in the midst of operationally see what we have projects happening across the country. In the month of november and all of her Service Project are named in honor of a fallen servicemember who will bring up thousands of people in the month of november to do that. One of her biggest initiatives is called care matters. We actually trying veterans to go into schools and deliver character to our youth. We have worked with over 300,000 kids across the country. Ages 12 to 18. It is all about thanks for our veterans. Present cash for each everyday and cities and states across the country for them. Making sure that they have an opportunity to continue serve outside of informed. To get emotional. I just want to see thank you for giving me a suspended family. Being an educator who has benefited from this. I know get to collaborate and diamonds fired by you and i say you for the family that you have given me. I am still inspired. Im inspired educator. I say you still much for the family i was with and you are all responsible for that and i helped your dad last year and thank him. [laughter] as an educator i tried really hard to get my administrators on board. Given advice to kind of turn the tide for getting administrators and the whole Police Officers and veterans on board of teaching at the school. The mega talk to them. I will help them i am good at that. [laughter] i would see im in san diego, [laughter] night say wordofmouth has been still popular still if i can to a middle school and see, that their fellow principal at the school, we have been there and they can talk. I say the purpose now the students and the experience that they get the wordofmouth, the testimony will keep pressure. Nana questions. At this. I am going to ask our authors to make their way to the signing table and then proceeds going to come up again everyone hears and directions on army line and out to get everyone the books. Thank you again heather and ryan thank you still much. [applause] [background sounds] you are watching book tv from cspan2. The top non Fiction Books and authors every weekend. Booktv, for serious readers. Now and book tv want to introduce you to another his name is mike purdy. Mr. Pretty we do do for a leaving. Still i met
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