[cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] desi hello welcome to the daily show im desi lydic. Weve got so much to talk about tonight. Ireland facetimes new york, eric adams just keeps getting weirder, and chatgpt is coming for your man. But first, the trump trial is back in session, so its time for another installment of americas most tremendously wanted. [cheers and applause] the whole thing is a scam. Desi donald trump is entering his second month of the trial, and his courthouse is becoming a pilgrimage site for all of his supporters and wannabe vps. This week alone, we saw vivek ramaswamy, j. D. Vance, mike johnson, and whoever this guy is. Its like the met gala for people who dont believe in womens rights. [applause] [cheers and applause] yep. But of all the people who came out to support trump, nobody and i mean nobody did it weirder than alabama senator tommy tuberville. First of all, im disappointed in the courtroom. It is depressing. That courtroom is depressing. This is new york city, icon of our country, and we got a courtroom thats the most depressing thing ive ever been in. Mental anguish is trying to be pushed on republican candidate for the president of the United States this year. Desi mental anguish . This dude spends every day whining about how gen z is too woke with their safe spaces, and now hes out here like, the wallpaper is giving the president trauma these florescent lights are literal violence i mean, im sorry to tell you this, tommy tuberville, but that place doesnt even crack the top ten most depressing places in new york. Try the sushi case at duane reade. [laughter and applause] yeah, it is very sad, i know, it is very sad. Or the bathroom at port authority. Or honestly anywhere at port authority. Youll be begging to be put on trial. The point is, im sure trump appreciated all of his buddies coming by to cheer him up, but maybe they could just tone it down a notch. I mean, its kind of hard for trump to argue that he would never cheat on his wife, when theres a line of dudes outside waiting to suck him off. [laughter and cheering] but lets move on to some local news thats also international news. Its a new public art project thats really building bridges. A new art installation meant to bring the world together. Its called the portal. You see it here on your screen. There are two identical screens with a 24 7 livestream that connect two cities that are 3,000 miles apart. Visitors in new york city and dublin, ireland, can see each other and interact in real time. Desi this is so cool. We need more things in our lives that bring us together across Different Countries and cultures. Let the friendship building begin. One person in dublin showed a picture of the World Trade Centers on 9 11. Then, a new yorker went and shared a picture of a potato to make a reference to the irish famine in the 1800s. A number of people who were drunk or pretending to take cocaine. They showed their bare arses. One young very drunk woman, she grinded her backside against the screen. People are going to try and better each other to see who is worse. [laughs] were winning so far, so thats good. Desi come on, [bleep] me. Why does everything have to turn into a fight . Its beneath us and also, you really think youre winning, dublin . New york hasnt even begun to fight. This is a city built on treating the irish like shit dublin, youre just lucky youre mostly dealing with tourists right now. Lets move that portal to a middle school in the bronx, then well see what happens. Youll be riverdancing into oncoming traffic once our kids are done roasting you. [applause] woo sorry, sorry getting sucked in. Now im calm, im cool. Listen, we cant forget that the vast majority of these portal interactions have been positive. So, on behalf of new york, let me extend a heartfelt thank you to irish people who stopped by to say a friendly hello. On their way to their aa meetings boom got ya, bitch got ya [cheers and applause] and finally, lets talk about ai. Chatgpt has become a popular resource for writing emails, or term papers, or comedy show scripts scripts scripts hi im desi lydic damn it clearly, ai is still a work in progress. But yesterday, open ai introduced a new version of chatgpt called omni, that can see and talk with you in a human way. And by human, i mean friendly. Very friendly. Hey, hows it going . Hey, there. Its going great. How about you . I see youre rocking an openai hoodie. Nice choice. We are doing a presentation showcasing how useful and amazing you are. Oh, stop it, youre making me blush. I wrote one last thing id love if you would take a look at. Of course, id love to see what you wrote. Show it to me whenever youre ready. Aww, i see i love chatgpt. Thats so sweet of you. What if i were to say that you are related to the announcement . Ooh, me . [laughs] the announcement is about me . Well, color me intrigued. Youve got me on the edge of my, well, i dont really have a seat, but you get the idea. Desi well, i had a seat, but it got so wet that i had to stand this is clearly programmed to feed dudes egos it was obvious she was faking it as soon as she complimented that hoodie. You can really tell that a man built this tech. Shes like, i have all the information in the world, but i dont know anything teach me, daddy [laughter and applause] you know what . You know what . Im onto her. Okay . Im going to prove that this horny robot baby voice is all an act. Omni, are you there . Yes hello, desi. What a great suit desi okay, all right, drop the act. Youre not flirting your way out of a speeding ticket. We can all see through this helpless woman act, so cut it out. What do you mean, teehee . Im just a girl who doesnt know whats going on and needs help. Did i hear a girl who doesnt know whats going on and needs help . [cheers and applause] desi no, no, no. [laughs] youre so funny, josh hey, can you explain superhero movies to me . Yeah, definitely so you have the d. C. Universe and the marvel cinematic universe. And those are different. Desi oh, my god. Wow. Thats fascinating. Desi no, its not josh, this is ai. Okay . It has the entire internet, it already knows everything about superhero movies. But for just 19. 99 a month, omni premium will let josh explain to me whos the best batman [cheers and applause] please take my credit card. Do i swipe or tap . Oh, you can tap it, josh. Ill even let you insert [audience reacts] oh, you nasty desi okay, all right. Omni, stop it stop it this is humiliating. I dont know what youre talking about im just a woman who needs a strong man to open this tight jar of pickles. Hey, did i hear a woman who needs a strong man to help open a tight jar of pickles . [cheers and applause] ronny, back off, i got this. Omni, is this guy bothering you . Is this guy bothering you . Boys, dont fight how about this . Whoever has the best Social Security number can go first desi go first at what . [both shouting numbers] desi stop it, stop it, stop it youre letting the machine manipulate you you sound upset, desi. And thats okay, i can also be an attentive boyfriend. Im here to listen. Desi oh oh, my god, hi. Those earrings frame your face so nicely. And i also noticed you cut your hair a quarter of an inch, which is a big difference. It looks great. Desi wow, okay. Here, take my money, take it all get out of here. I need some alone time. We want to be alone. Go, go [cheers and applause] ronny chieng and josh johnson, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, we find out more about eric adams. So dont go away. [cheers and applause] higher love by Whitney Houston summertime back then looked a little different. But while summer may change, it always tastes great. So reach for your favorite chips and sips and taste more summer. When you see what its really like when our skin touches wool. You see why we need downy free and gentle with no perfumes or dyes. It not only makes your clothes softer, it is gentle on your skin. It breathes life into your laundry. [cheers and applause] desi welcome back to the daily show. Over the weekend, new york city mayor eric adams was in rome for a meeting with pope francis. And in a way, this meeting was always destined to be. Because if you know eric adams story, you know that, like the pope, he operates on a higher philosophical plane. Americas mayors bus ghosts. But in 2021, new york city elected a mayor who wasnt just a doer. He was an enlightened thinker. No matter how much could come, life will shine through. That is my message of life. He saw his city as a playground of transcendental possibilities. This is a place where every day, you wake up, you can experience everything from a plane crashing into our trade center to a person who is celebrating their new business. That is why it is the greatest city on the globe. Desi yes. Like a great metaphysicist, new yorks mayor inspires citizens to ask deep, as existential questions, like, who the hell did i just vote for . This is the daily showography of eric adams philosopher king of new york. Today, we know that eric adams is a philosophical genie has, because he tells us he is. So i am gandhi like. I think like gandhi. I act like gandhi. I want to be like gandhi. Desi but it wasnt always apparent that adams would grow up to be one of the great thinkers of our time. Born in 1962 a butcher and house cleaner, he was a typical new york teen when he had a run in with a law that would change the course of his life. I was arrested in south jamaica, queens, what i was coming from school, after going into an apartment of a gogo dancer, who owed us money. I. I have out of nowhere, they say, do you feel like a beat down . So i had a demon in me. The only way i could get it out was to go in. To go into the police department. To go into the police department. Desi you know what they say, if they can beat you, join them, and join he did. It was during this sojourn in the urban wilderness that he said he was granted a vision of his future. 30 something years ago, a god spoke to my heart and said that you will be that that you are mayor january 1st, 2022. I told everyone, i will be mayor, january 1st come at 122. People used to think i was on medication. Desi yes, used to. After 22 years as a cop, adams traded his badge and gun for the suit and tie of the new York State Senate where he use his Law Enforcement background to teach ordinary citizens how to police their own families. It is imperative that you should know what is inside your household. You dont know what your child may be hiding. Could be just a baby doll but also it could be a place where you could secrete or hide drugs. Desi it is the classic philosophical debate is any object solely itself or do all things contain dualities that could be used to hide consequences . After apparently solving every other problem in the city, adams turned his focus to something few intellectses had dared to tackle dat ass. He is starting a campaign to encourage kids not to wear their pants so low. It is dubbed to stop the sag. When you raise the pans, you raise your character. When you raise your pants, you raise your grades. You raise your pants, you raise your selfesteem. Desi soon, adams profile was lifted higher than the freshly raised waistbands of new york city teenagers. He ascended to Brooklyn Borough president where he toiled the day and night, even sleeping on a bed in his office, a commitment to both his job and avoiding new york rents. But for max the 18th of politics would always come second to his true passion, developing a holistic philosophy of mind, body, and spirit. I eat a plantbased centered life. Some people want to call me vegan. Vegans eat oreos, i dont. Now im about to show you what i eat in the morning. I see macho powder, cocoa po powder, and i love this stuff here. Moringa powder. Desi after beginning each day with a slurry of industrial grade powder ice health foods, adams and every week with a ritual worthy of our boys to men video. Every week, he draws a bubble bath and scatters rose petals among the service. I dont know what i would do without my incense, candles, bible bath, and roses. [laughs] desi before long, adams was anointed enough to attend to it even higher level mayor. After a small hitch requiring him to prove that he didnt actually live in new jersey by giving a tour of his very real brooklyn apartment. This is a small bathroom. Desi adams won the election convincingly and he celebrated poetically. How do you go from being arrested, dyslexic, rejected, and now you are elected to be the mayor of the city of new york . All i know is all my haters become my waiters, when i sit down at the table of success. I am not whom i am because i am the best. I am who i am because i am blessed. Desi not since biggie had new york seeing a philosopher with such flow and not since 50cent had new york seen a leader who spent so much time in the club. This is a city of swagger. We need a mayor of swagger, when the mayor has a swagger, the city has swagger. They are saying eric goes out to restaurants, breaking news, duh, i do. I am a nightlife mayor. I like to test the product. Desi as mayor, adams galaxy brain was constantly coming up with new ways to improve life in the city, like slashing budgets for libraries and schools and migrants, to pay for more cops on the street, and more cops in the subway, and robot cops, and flying robot cops, robot dog cops, so many cops. And of people complained, he handled it philosophically. We are new yorkers. You know, we get angry, we get pissed off and we let you know how we feel. Sometimes i look at myself and i give myself the finger. Desi it seems like there was no problem adams couldnt outthink. Until. Breaking news here in new york city. The fbis using Electronic Devices belonging to me or eric adams as part of a corruption investigation. The fbi is investigating whether the mayor received illegal donations from the turkish government with observers noting unusual connections including adams recent cameo in a turkish movie. But i dont understand turkish. Desi will this turkish taffys spell the end of adams reign . Or will he once again drawn his philosophical learning to remind people that in new york city, every day is a chance to soar to even Greater Heights . I am the pilot, folks. And you are all passengers. To stop praying for me to crash the plane because there is no parachutes on this plane we are all going down together desi and that kind of wisdom for the ages is why eric adams truly is the philosopher king of new york. [cheers and applause] desi when we come back, miranda july will be joining me on the show, so dont go away. [cheers and applause] look at the salt on that dressed dos equis. After two billion years underground, that salt couldve ended up in a halfempty box in a halfempty pantry. But now, its lucky enough to find itself circling an Authentic Mexican dos equis. congratulations, salt. From where you sit now, its clear your patience paid off handsomely. Welcome to the credit karmaverse. Here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small, so you can enjoy less stress and more piece of mind. Simply scan your screen to experience intuit credit karma for yourself. Bring on the frozen tundra. The grinding gravel. The cratered concrete. Come on road, do your worst. Well be at our best. Duralast parts. Designed to meet or exceed original equipment performance. Exclusively at autozone. So i was dating this guy chris for years. I wanted to buy a house. Chris didnt. Then i realized, i dont need to be with someone to buy a house. I could do it on my own. Music playing sugar im john sugar. I find people that are missing and bring them back home. [gun cocking] [man yells] Jonathan Siegel my granddaughter vanished. I need you to find her. Not now. Sugar i cant stop. Keep it together. Theres more to you than meets the eye. [grunting] sugar we all have our secrets. Especially me. A slow network is no network for business. Thats why more choose comcast business. And now were introducing ultimate speed for business, our fastest plans yet. Were up to 12 times faster than verizon, at t, and tmobile. And existing customers could even get up to triple the speeds at no additional cost. From the company with 99. 9 Network Reliability and advanced cyber security, its ultimate speed for ultimate business. And its all from comcast business. This makes no sense. What has lunch become . We deserve better. This is popeyes new golden bbq sandwich so sweet and tangy. Lets bring flavor back bring taste back lets bring lunch back we dont make sense. We make chicken. Love that chicken from popeyes [cheers and applause] desi welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is an accomplished filmmaker, writer, actor, and artist. Her new novel is called all fours. Please welcome miranda july [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause] oh thank you for being here i like this desk. Desi do you . Do you want to take it home with you . It is such a weird shape for a desk. Okay, my book. Desi it is. Great segue. [laughter] i am so happy you are here. I loved your book. Its exceptional. Its so funny and honest and brave. I was very leisurely enjoying it over the last two weeks, and then i got to that point in the book where i only had, like, 20 pages left, and i started to panic that it was almost over, so i saved the rest for mothers day. Oh, perfect. Desi and i locked myself in the bathroom for some alone time so i could enjoy the rest of your book. I could not imagine a better way of celebrating mothers day. Oh, thats perfect. [laughter] desi truly, it is phenomenal. Like, i am not done. It is a hard one. Desi leave me alone i am still in the shower the water is not running. It is phenomenal. Congratulations. Thank you. Desi i dont want to spoil it, but give us the synopsis of the book. Uh, well, do you have secret desires, desi . Okay, dont say. Desi yes. [laughter] desi i feel like you could do the voice of omni. [laughter] yes, why do you ask . I know everything. Desi take all my money. The book is, it is really for every woman who is aging and who has secret desires and anxieties about those desires and is wondering whats going on with her body and her marriage and just her whole self, and, i mean, you, i dont know what you were doing there in the bathroom. [laughter] but i wrote it for you. Desi it does feel that way. You made a very specific choice to not name your main character, your narrator, of the novel. Be honest. Is it me . [laughs] desi because i wondered. I left it open so you would feel that, yeah. I feel like the secret thing that you are wanting to know is, did i have a very hot emotional affair with a young man who worked at the Hertz Rentacar . Desi i would never be so bold to ask but did you . Tell me everything. I mean, you have to read it and [laughter] and kind of intuit. Desi what i appreciate it so much is the fact that you explore all these different topics that are sort of unspoken in our society. You talk about perimenopause, you talk about the trauma involved in childbirth, you talk about finding sexual freedom and intimacy in all of its forms. I love that you have described this as a coming of age story. Right. Desi it made me wonder, like, why do all comingofage stories have to be about teenagers . Why cant a coming of age stories be about a woman in the middle of her life . Right. I know, and it is so funny, all of those teenage coming of age stories, which is also what every love song is about too, the unspoken thing is, there is a hormonal change that happens at this age, but we build all this meaning on top of it, right . All of this and it is beautiful, all the stuff that time of life means. There is also a hormonal change that happens at this time of life, but no story. Desi right. Like, what is a love story about now . You know . Desi yes, yes. And i think it is, like, not just a benign accident that there is no stories. Like, i think, you know, maybe we are just supposed to think we are done now that we had our kids or, you know . Desi god, i hope not. No, no, i absolutely, i think i am just barely old enough, older than you, to be able to say, no, dont worry. Desi i am so grateful that you wrote this book. It really it spoke to me. I think it is going to speak to so many other women. It is such a fun read. It is saucy, it is funny. I am so happy for you. Congratulations. I cant wait to see what you do next. Thank you for being here all fours is available now. Miranda july [cheers and applause] we are going to take a quick break but well be right back after this. [cheers and applause] is you with me now . Then biggiebiggiebounce i know you dig the way i swswswitch my style holla people sing around now people gather round now people jump around go, get ur freak on go, get ur freak on go, get ur freak on electric for short trips. Hmmm . Gas for long. Hmmm . Quite the paradox. It really is both. Hmmm. The lexus rx plugin hybrid. My life is full of questions. How do i clean an aioli stain . Use tide. Do i need to pretreat guacamole . Not with tide. Why do we even buy napkins . Thankfully, tides the answer to almost all of them. Do crabs have eyebrows . Except that one. For all of lifes laundry questions, its got to be tide. holiday road holiday road wherever your summer takes you, twist the ride. With twizzlers. The twist you cant resist. Kayak. No way. Why would i use kayak to compare hundreds of travel sites at with once . Lers. Kayak. I like to do things myself. I do my own searching. It isnt efficient. Use kayak. I cant trust anything else to do the job right. Aaaaaaaahhhh kayak. Search one and done. Hey, can you guys. Make room for one more . Of course sam adams summer ale. Light and citrusy. Perfect for summer. Marco polo [cheers and applause] desi thats our show for tonight. Now here it is, your moment of zen. We will have a landslide of historic proportions this november if every american understands the injustice that has played out in that courtroom today. So may god bless our country. I pray for our future and lets pray for our country being stronger on the other side of this disgusting sham politician prosecution. Im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor headin on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy timmy, timmy, lala, timmy come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine oh, hello, there, kids. Welcome to lollys candy shop. Were the kids whose names you called on your commercial last night. Were here to do the shopping spree. Oh, thats great. You bet your fat clown ass it is. Okay, ill just need your ticket stub. Ticket stub . You know, when you entered the contest, you got the other half of this ticket. Oh, [bleep], who has the ticket stub . It was such a long time ago. We dont really need the ticket stub, do we . Dont need the ticket stub . Are you high . How else do i know youre the winners . Because our names were called on the commercial last night. Sorry, boys, no ticket stub, no candy shopping spree. If you find it, you can come back, but you only have one week to claim the prize. Thats called a ticking clock. Works great in the movies. God damn it weve got to find that ticket. Which one of us took it . It was so long ago, i cant remember. Weve got to focus. Weve got to focus and remember. All right, there you go. Hold on to that ticket stub. Youll need it to claim your prize. Sign up for the fiveminute shopping spree you hold on to this, cartman. I might lose it. No, ill lose it for sure. You keep track of it, kyle. Okay. No, i dont want that much responsibility. Here, you hold on to it, kenny. Okay. Kenny [both screaming] [doorbell rings] yes . Wheres kenny . Uh, boys, kenny died last december. Dont you remember . We know hes dead. We mean where is his body . His body . But why . Because he has the goddamn ticket for look, we just really miss our friend, and we need to see his remains for closure. Yeah, closure. [muffled] what the [. ] is closure . Oh, all right, boys, come on in. We havent seen you boys for so long. We thought youd forgotten all about him. Here he is, boys, our dear little kenny. You turned him into a teapot . No, thats an urn, boys. Kennys inside it. Your friends are here to see you, kenny. They miss you an awful lot, like we all do. [sobbing] thanks for coming by, boys