s [cheers and applause] desi welcome to the daily show im desi lydic. Michael and im michael kosta. We have a great show for you tonight. Were going to talk about how Kate Middletons picture is worth 1,000 news articles, and lara trump and jesus take the wheel at the rnc, and Congress Gets to the bottom of whether biden is old. But first, desi, i think we should take a moment to acknowledge equal pay day. Because women dont earn enough, and personally, im sick of it. Desi oh, thats so nice, michael. Michael in fact, in the spirit of transparency, id like us to both say our salaries out loud, right now. Desi oh, uh. We really dont need to do that. Michael no, desi, im an ally. I want to bring light to an issue affecting all women. Desi well, i mean, there might not be a pay gap for every woman. Some women might be making more than men, so i think we can just move on. Michael 65 a week 65 a week thats what i make. Now go ahead and say yours, you dont have to be embarrassed. Desi uh, youre right, i make less than that, michael. Michael this country disgusts me. Desi well, now that we have that out of the way, theres a lot of election news today, so lets get into it with another installment of indecision 2024. [cheers and applause] lets kick things off with the big campaign news. For years now, donald trump has gradually been taking over the republican party. First he got ted cruzs balls, then he took Mitch Mcconnells spine, and now hes finally reached the butthole of the party, the Republican National committee, and hes giving it a thorough cleansing. Dozens of staffers getting laid off. Just days after Donald Trumps handpicked team took over the organization, top officials in communications, the political department, the data team, all getting the ax. Lara trump, the former president s daughterinlaw, is now the committees cochair. In her speech nominating lara trump, rnc committeewoman beth bloch argued that it doesnt matter if she lacks judicial qualifications. In a world where qualifications are often measured by titles and years of experience, were reminded of a powerful truth god does not call the qualified, he qualifies the called. Lara trump is the embodiment of this truth. Desi this is the most mean girl introduction i have ever heard. A lot of people think you should be qualified to have a job, but heres lara trump anyway take it up with god but i get why god would bless donald trump appointing his daughterinlaw. I mean, jesus was the original nepo baby. Forget a job, he started an entire religion based on, um, do you know who my father is . There is some truth to it. Lara is completely unqualified. Of course, thats never stopped her before. And ill keep this world from dragging me down going to stand my ground and i wont back down [laughter and applause] desi you know, sometimes its okay to back down michael oh, my god. I blame god for that performance, although i think she proved there isnt one. But lets move onto the man lara trump and her friend, god, will be trying to defeat in november joe biden. Bidens age and Mental Fitness has been a central part of the campaign, which tends to happen when youre 154 years old, and its back in the news today. Special counsel robert hur was at a hearing on capitol hill today defending his report on President Bidens handling of classified documents from last month, where hur described biden as a, quote, sympathetic, wellmeaning elderly man with a poor memory. My assessment in the report about the relevance of the president s memory was necessary and accurate and fair. In hurs report where he declined to prosecute the president , he writes, biden did not remember even within several years when his son beau died. That drew a fiery denial from the president. Michael hmm, hurd that [laughter] thats right, this special counsel got a lot of heat for calling attention to bidens memory problems. And look, im not going to sit here and say bidens brain is perfect, but can we just be honest here . Remembering when things happened is hard. I mean, i cant remember dates from years ago and im a young, fit, chiseled, patient, optimistic, sudokudoing handsome man. Desi i kind of pegged you as more of a word search guy. But no, its true, like, i can never remember any of my passwords. Michael i cant remember my kids names or if i have kids. Desi i can never remember my husbands birthday. Michael i cant remember my own birthday desi kosta, are you okay . Michael yeah, i was going to make an appointment with my doctor but i forgot how to use the phone. The point is, robert hur testified about his report today, and the democrats took the opportunity to challenge his portrayal of bidens memory. I want to turn you to the transcript and day one, page 47. You said to President Biden, you have appear to have a photographic understanding and recall of the house. Did you say that to President Biden . Those words do appear on page 47 of the transcript. Photographic is what you said. Is that right . That word does appear on page 47 of the transcript. Never appeared in your report, though. Is that correct . The word photographic. That does not appear in my report. Michael thats gotta hurrrrt oh see what i did there . Cause his name is hur. I turned it into a bit of a wordplay. Desi yeah, no, i think we all get it. Michael but its true, there was a lot from bidens fivehour deposition that didnt make it into the special counsel report. And let me tell you, theres a lot of other important stuff in there. Desi unfortunately, there isnt any footage from the deposition. But luckily, both michael and i are trained thespians. Michael thats right. So tonight, we present selected readings from the biden deposition transcript. [cheers and applause] these are all actual quotes from president joe bidens deposition on handling classified documents. Desi you know, i went to mongolia, and great pictures. I unfortunately embarrassed the hell out of the leader of mongolia. Michael id sit with my National Security team, and say we should follow up on this, find out more about whether or not, you know, who killed cock robin, you know, and find out. Desi you left everything in place. I just hope you didnt find any risque pictures of my wife in a bathing suit. Which you probably did. Shes beautiful. Michael i just warn you all, never make one great eulogy, because you get asked to do everybodys eulogy. Desi by the way, theres a restroom right behind us. Michael i get to drive all these, you know, electric vehicles. I have. Damn, theyre quick. You step your foot on the accelerator all the way down. Until it gets to about 6, 7 grand. Then, all of a sudden, it will say launch. All you do is take your foot off the brake. Vroom, vroom, vroom desi what are you doing . Michael im making a car sound. It says makes car sound. Desi yeah, but thats not making a car sound. Thats just saying the word vroom michael your cars a piece of shit, desi. Dont give me performance notes, you didnt even get into juilliard. Desi like you did . Michael i told you, i was on the waitlist for the waitlist you know what, this is over. Desi you are such a prima donna. This is why i make more money than you michael when we come back, well cover the other big story of the day. So dont go away. Thats not true. [cheers and applause] be your somebody tosca, act ii vissi darte by maria callas, orchestra del teatro alla scala, milano be your somebody happy groundhog day i brought sam adams cold snap and this groundhog. Uhoh. patrons screaming bright. Citrusy. Perfect for spring. [sfx seagulls squawking] [sfx fishline] back for another flounder fish sandwich . And a shrimp tackle box. Let us do the fishing while yall enjoy our seafood that youll love. Get them before theyre gone. [cheers and applause] michael welcome back to the daily show. Lets turn to some major news out of great britain, where the royal family has photoshopped their way into a brand new scandal. Now to a royal photo scandal that has sparked controversy and conspiracies. The controversy started innocently enough. A family photo the princess of wales and the smiling children to mark mothers day here in britain, but then came the kill order from several global news agencies. At closer inspection, it appears that the source had manipulated the image. Theres, like, little misalignments, right . A sleeve that didnt line up with charlottes wrist, an obscure zipper, and her blurred hand. Theres a print on up the top corner of prince louis sweater there where the pattern doesnt line up. Her hair abruptly ends on her right shoulder. Princess charlottes hand isnt in the right spot. Micheal yeah, you didnt need to do all that forensic analysis. You know how i know thats fake . Theres three kids smiling at the same time. As a parent, i know thats impossible. Also, it should be noted, i didnt even know or care about Kate Middletons leave of absence, but then you release a photo so edited, they have to issue a kill order . Well, now im all in. The palace better have a good explanation for this. Kensington palace posting this explanation like many amateur photographers, i do occasionally experiment with editing. I wanted to express my apologies for confusion. Desi im calling bullshit that kate was the one who edited the picture. This is the royal family. They dont do anything themselves they dont even pick their own noses. They have butlers for that. You think shes doing her own photoshopping . The only thing they know how to do without help is adultery michael yeah. [laughs] [crowd reacts] unfortunately, this is only going to fuel baseless speculation about why Kate Middleton has hardly been seen in months. And we dont want to get into all those rumors, like, is she getting a bbl . Is she divorcing william . Is she gone girling him . Desi oh my god, do you think she is gone girling him . Michael i think so. My tiktok was saying so. Desi tiktoks always right. Okay, well we cant just sit here and talk about Kate Middleton all night. Michael you are absolutely right. Desi for more on Kate Middleton, lets go live to the daily shows senior royal watcher, grace kuhlenschmidt. [cheers and applause] grace, what is going on in Buckingham Palace . Well, desi and desis friend, the palace is in chaos. Theyre eating beans on toast for breakfast, theyre driving on the wrong side of the road, theres flying nannies everywhere. Its a mess. Michael well, i think all of that stuff is normal there. But has the royal family explained why they released a photoshopped picture . Yes, the royals are taking full responsibility for this breach of trust by completely blaming the whole thing on princess kate. Mistakes were made all around, by her and her very real Graphic Design hobby. But the good news is, shes doing fine, and the palace just released a new photo that was taken this morning. See . Everything is normal. She looks great. Desi um, grace, this is obviously manipulated. Shes in front of the twin towers. Hmm, yes. But you have to remember 9 11 didnt happen in england. Oh, wait, youre right. Im getting breaking news. The royals have admitted this photo has been edited. Theyre saying, quote, on behalf of the entire royal family, this is kates fault. Wow, that was really insensitive of her, guys. Michael grace, why cant they just release an unedited photo of the family so we know everything is fine . You must be some sort of fortune teller, sir, because im now hearing they have a new photo of the family together. Yeah. Now, that is one happy family michael grace, grace, what are you talking about . Queen elizabeth is dead. How is she even in that photo . Desi the kids all have al pacinos face on them. And just to confirm we are sure none of her kids are al pacino . Michael were sure okay, that confirms it its a fake oh, and okay, the royals just released a statement saying kate made that one up too. And they attached a list of things that are also kates fault colonization. The whole Prince Andrew thing. Covid. You know, when you try to put a usb in but you realize its the wrong way, so you got to turn it around, but then somehow its still the wrong way . Thats also kate desi can the royal family not just be honest about what is happening, instead of trying to blame kate for every pr [bleep] up . Well, the good news is, they dont have to, because they just found a real photo of kate that should put all these questions to rest. See shes fine would a woman being silenced by a repressive dynasty be able to dunk like that . Two points for the princess desi yeah, something still seems off. Michael you know, thats what i thought, too, but on the other hand, she says shes doing great, so. Desi thats true. Thank you, grace. Grace kuhlenshmidt, everyone. [cheers and applause] [together] when we come back, jane marie will be joining us on the show. So dont go away [cheers and applause] welcome to the credit karmaverse. Here we monitor your finances and alert you to changes big and small, so you can enjoy less stress and more piece of mind. Simply scan your screen to experience intuit credit karma for yourself. Why would i use kayak to compare sihundreds of travel en sites at once . I like to do things myself. I cant trust anything else to do the job right. Kayak. Aaaaaaaahhhh kayak. Search one and done. the union of fruity, sweet gummy and tangy, crunchy nerds. Nerds gummy clusters. Unleash your senses. Is kfcs new chizza. Pizza . Fried chicken . Thats not pizza. Thats right. Its not pizza. Its chizza. Only at kfc. [cheers and applause] desi welcome back to the daily show. Our guest tonight is an Emmy Awardwinning journalist, podcast host, and author whose new book is called selling the dream the billiondollar industry bankrupting americans. Please welcome jane marie [cheers and applause] desi hi i wrote a book a whole book desi she wrote a book, yes, you did. And i tore right through it. It is a great read. It is fascinating. Thank you. It came out today so i havent heard any feedback. I dont know what anyone thinks of it. Desi is that the first feedback you are getting . Pretty much, yeah. Outside of the people that helped me write it. Michael it is a great book. Desi we will tell you how much we enjoyed it. This world is fascinating. You go deep into the world of mlms. People call them by many different names. Mlms network marketing, direct marketing. Direct sales. Desi pyramid schemes. I cant call them it. Desi you cant . I would get sued. Michael you cant but right here on the cover. [laughter] i got a lot of help with the cover art. Desi what exactly is an mlm . So a Multilevel Marketing Company is a business that is shaped like this slightly. Desi [laughs] but we cant call it a pyramid. Theres a couple people at the top. Then they have the up line, the top sellers, who are supposed to recruit usually five people each. And then they are supposed to recruit five people and they are supposed to recruit five people infinitely. And the way the money flows [laughs] is that each person who signs up pays a fee at the beginning to sign up. Sometimes they have to pay for products and stuff and then they fail pretty quickly and then more people sign up. So that is where the money comes from. Desi isnt it Something Like 99. 9 99 make no money or lose money. Only 1 make a dollar, even. Michael we laughed when you said infinity, because infinitely, because you cant keep doing that. 13 levels and you surpass the population of the earth. [laughter] mathematically impossible. Desi totally impossible. Michael mlms specifically prey on women, these tupperware parties, the sex toy parties they are so fun we get to hang out with our friends michael i want to make this about me for a second. Why not men . Why stop now . Michael i would love to go to a nose trimmer party. There are mlms for you. Desi crypto . Yes. It is crypto or telecom companies, there are lots of dude mlms. But 75 of people involved are women. And it is because the companies go after people who have some sort of economic precarity or trouble moving up the ranks heres the thing. There is the pay gap, we are fighting against. If someone called you today and was like, you could make another 1,000 a week, just sitting in your house and talking to your girlfriends and selling makeup. If that was true, i would be doing that. For sure. Desi where do i sign . ■ where doi sign . Let me do it. We all make less than men. We all take care of the home. We are all homemakers. We take care of the children. We dont have pecially at the age, middleaged, we dont have that kind of movement in the economy that other people get. And it is not just women, because it is now becoming immigrants or people anyone who is a population that has a hard time getting really good, solid employment. Michael you touched on it a little bit but besides just like you can make 1,000 a week, there are some psychological components that they recruit with. And to me, that is almost more powerful. Tell me a little bit about what they do. So the recruitment is just things that appeal to all of us. You can have time and money and freedom and you dont have to have any qualifications and the world is yours. And we have a secret, you know . We have a secret that they dont want you to know. [laughter] so yeah, then they rely on the logical fallacies that we all kind of rely on in our lives. And one of them is honoring sunk costs. When you buy a lemon for a car and you get it worked on and worked on, there comes a point where you have to be like, i cant fix this car. That is what they rely on, they know we are all going to do that. There is a bunch more. Like, the idea the truth that we feel losses much more than gains. We feel them in our bodies, like, as trauma, and a gain is like, okay, great. But a loss is like. [inhales] so we do everything we can to not realize the loss. To not experience the loss. So we stick with a plan that is not working for a really long time. Michael is there can the government regulate this . Help us . Isnt this what the federal trade commission is supposed to do . You would think. Desi is there legislation that can be passed to correct this . Things are being worked on, but i will say, just to give the ftc a bit of a break, their purview is so enormous. They are tiny, first of all. They are the size of the smallest mlm in terms of the people that are there and the money they get to use. They are tiny. And their job is especially after the pandemic, their job is false product claims, credit card fraud, you know, phishing, spam, every kind of fraud, your grandma getting taken by someone shes never met over the phone. When you put that up against mlms where the people who signed up are excited about it, it is hard to put that first, although, this is such a bigger problem than those things in numbers. So they have a tough task, and i dont blame them. They are doing the best they can. Desi what can be done . Michael the ftc is not stepping in. What can smart American People do . Buy my book [laughter and cheering] michael you do need five other people to buy it. [laughter] but for real, what is our defense . It really is talking about it. That is the only thing we can do because the government doesnt have the capacity and that is understandable i talked to the ftc recently and one of the women i was talking to was like, it is a very targetrich environment right now and i thought she meant i was asking her, why dont we go after these companies . Its a target rich environment. I thought she meant theres too many mlms and no, she was talking about us. She was like, this is the perfect environment for these companies to come after you. Like, we are all desperate. We are all wanting to realize the American Dream and believe this is a meritocracy and believe this is a place where you work hard and get rewarded and all of that. [laughter] michael talk about it and be aware it. Talk about it, tell your friends. They are fine pitching you some garbage hair product or whatever. You should be fine being like, no, this is not cool. I think the tide is turning. Michael thank you very much for talking with us. [cheers and applause] selling the dream is available now. Jane marie. We will take a quick break and well be back right after this. [cheers and applause] vo welcome to lobsterfest. Is your party ready . Ready to tango with tails on tails on tails . Try lobster lovers dream with two lobster tails and lobster shrimp linguini. Its one of ten nextlevel lobster creations. But lobsterfest wont last, so hurry in. Sorry, party is cancelled. Waiting on the cable internet guy. First, i had cable. But those cords werent me. So he switched to tmobile. Home internet, with 5g. What a feeling i have wifi now i need Home Internet from tmobile to fulfil my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife get Home Internet from tmobile now. Just 50 bucks a month. The moment a friend becomes a real friend. Ohhh. Please no. Who wants to jam . [playing ukulele offkey] hey pal friends dont let friends be ukulele guy. Oh, hes humming now. I think im gonna be sick. Somebody make it stop nah, man. No. dos equis. Raise one with a real one. [cheers and applause] michael thats our show for tonight. Desi now here it is. Your moment of zen. And you know, we can go through different stuff that i say, that you say. I still want to know why you came after me as much as you did. Because you are a dick , probably . Because it was easy. 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