Michael welcome to the daily show. Im michael kosta. We have a great show for you tonight. The Supreme Court [bleep]blocks democracy, republicans scramble over eggs, and dulce sloan creates a brand new holiday. Lets get into the headlines [cheers and applause] lets begin with the debate over in vitro fertilization. Last week, the alabama Supreme Court threw the future of ivf into doubt by ruling that frozen embryos, that are less than a tenth of a millimeter, by the way, are legally humans. And im sorry, but if you could pass through a spaghetti strainer, youre not human. And now republicans, who spent years and years insisting that every embryo is touched by god are suddenly saying, we didnt mean that in a way that makes us unpopular a lot of the gops top brass are now trying to scramble to get on the side of supporting ivf. The Republican Senate campaign arm jumped on the issue by sending out this memo on friday, urging that, it is imperative that our candidates align with the publics overwhelming support for ivf and fertility treatments. House Speaker Mike Johnson also came out in support of ivf treatment and called it a blessing for many moms and dads who have struggled with fertility. Ivf is something that is so critical to a lot of couples. It helps them breed great families. Our country needs that. [audience reacts] [boos] michael okay, okay, thats too far in the other direction. Okay . Did this guy just say breed great families . Are you trying to run a country, or get us into the Westminster Dog Show . This guy must really clean up at the nightclub. Like, yo, girl. You got those straight teeth and detached earlobes. I want to genetically pass that onto my litter. But you know what, better late than never. Now that republicans are on board with ivf, im sure theyd jump at the opportunity to pass a law to protect it. A republican senator has blocked the passage of a bill to protect access to in vitro fertilization nationwide. Senator cindy hydesmith of mississippi objected to the measures approval yesterday. The bill before us today is a vast overreach that is full of poison pills that go way too far far beyond ensuring legal access to ivf. It would legalize human cloning. It would legalize geneedited designer babies and lift the federal ban on the creation of threeparent embryos. It would legalize the creation of humananimal chimeras. Michael first of all, chimeras . I dont know how to pronounce that word, but i know its not that. And secondly, youre not going to protect ivf, because youre worried that someone might put, like, a human head on a giraffes body . Why on earth would you want to stop that . That sounds awesome i could be eating a tree right now [applause and laughter] republicans are treating ivf the way i treat reading books. Im always like, oh, im gonna read so many books this year, i love reading but when it actually comes time to read . Im like, pfft, not for me. And to be clear, none of the stuff that senator was warning us about is real. Theyre just looking for excuses to ban ivf. Which, to me, is crazy. Why would you want to criminalize one of the only times you can masturbate for a good cause . Trust me, i tried jacking it for leukemia and people were not happy. Lets move on. I dont know about you guys, but i eat food. Do you eat food . [cheers and applause] i knew you ate food but when im at the grocery store, i can never figure out which foods are actually healthy. This one is lowfat, but high in sodium . This one has vitamin c but also polymonofibers . Now im staring at ingredient labels until the store closes, im trapped inside, my wife finds a new husband to breed with. Its a mess but luckily, the fda is coming to the rescue. The fda potentially rolling out a new logo as soon as this year for companies to stamp on food packaging. They say it would clear any confusion on what products actually should be considered good for you. Right now, only 3 of foods are currently allowed to claim their food is healthy. Michael wait, what . Just 3 of foods qualify as healthy . God, please let fruit roll ups be a part of that 3 . But yeah, the fda is going to make a logo to help People Choose healthy foods. Which, you know, good luck with that. This is america, its a victory if we can get people to unwrap things before eating them. But i believe we do need a logo identifying healthy foods. I just dont think it should be one of these boringass options. Am i trying to have breakfast cereal or do tax prep . If you want people to eat healthy foods, you gotta make the logo look cool. Like Jordan Holding broccoli. And finally, lets talk about a major update in the ongoing battle between donald trump and karma. Hes on trial right now for trying to overthrow the government, a pretty big faux pas. But recently, his lawyers threw out a hail mary legal claim that says hes immune from being charged for anything he did while president. And now, his buddies on the Supreme Court are saying. Hmm, maybe this morning, the u. S. Supreme court handing donald trump the gift of time. The justices agreeing to decide whether the republican frontrunner should be immune from federal charges because his attempts to reverse the 2020 election happened while he was still in office. We will never give up. We will never concede. In a onepage order, the high court saying it will hear arguments in the case the week of april 22nd, but with no firm date for its final ruling, the prospect of a federal criminal trial being completed before the november election becoming increasingly unrealistic. Legally speaking, his strategy has long been to delay, delay, delay. Here, he gets help in doing that from the highest court in the land, and theres nothing anyone can do to stop it. Michael i cannot [bleep] believe this. This dude is slipping out of everything. Is he some sort of humaneel chimera . You know, he started his campaign with four Different Cases against him, and hes going to run out the clock on all of them. The stolen documents case, he got a trumpfriendly judge. The georgia case has been completely sidetracked by two of the prosecutors [bleep] each other. Now the january 6th case is getting delayed due to a legal theory that nobody thinks is legit except for maybe the judges he hired. The only case that might be finished before the election is the Stormy Daniels case, and based on the way things are going, i bet that judge is going to get [bleep] stuck in a venus flytrap or something. I dont know. Youd think with so many cases against him, one of them would stick, but hes actually using that to his advantage, saying he needs to delay the cases so he has time to prepare for the other ones its like when Arnold Schwarzenegger is getting attacked by two guys and he bonks their heads together, and theyre both out for the rest of the movie. For more on the Supreme Court delay, we go live to washington, d. C. , with our very own desi lydic. [cheers and applause] desi. Election day isnt that far off. How soon do you think the Supreme Court could rule on this . Well, michael, that depends. When is election day . Michael november 5th. Theyll rule on november 6th. Michael so this is purely political . No, it only looks entirely that way. But you have to remember how complicated this issue is. The justices have a very difficult legal question to answer can the president break the law anytime he wants . Hard to say hard to say. Constitutionally speaking, can he burn down the white house for insurance money . Can he set a bomb on a bus that will detonate if the bus goes below 50 Miles Per Hour . Can he stick his penis in a barrel of warm coffee beans at whole foods . These are not easy questions to answer. Michael arent they, though . I mean, to me, all these seem pretty open and shut. Hmm, okay, did you go to Harvard Law School . Michael no. Well, i did. To use their bathroom once. And because i have that legal background, i understand that these things take time. Theyre gonna need two weeks to read briefs, another two to debrief. Then you need a silent retreat from the briefs, you rebrief, lots of stretching and hydrating. And then its july, which of course, is frenchamerican heritage month. And that is very sacred to Justice Brett kavanaugh michael i think hes irish. Heres the thing. There has to be some way to get this decided before the election. Cant they work around the clock . Democracy is hanging in the balance okay, but what about the other balance . Worklife balance grind culture is killing all of us. I mean, look at me. One minute, im reporting from the middle east, and the next im flying to d. C. To stand here in front of this very real Supreme Court building im exhausted. And thats all on top of my cardiology practice. Michael youre a doctor . I used a lot of med school bathrooms, yes. Look, the point is, the justices are human beings like the rest of us, with full lives. They need time for things like being with their families, traveling in their winnebago, keeping donald trump out of prison, playing golf. Michael wait, what was the last thing you said . Golf, they love golf. Michael okay. Legal expert desi lydic, everyone. Did she say [cheers and applause] when we come back, dulce sloan will be joining me at the desk. Dont go away. [cheers and applause] [robot sounds] [car revs] [cars honking] hey, lexus show alternate routes. [drone sounds] [drone crashes] the future. Sometimes its a work in progress. Other times, its pretty well thought out. [robot beeps] the tech forward and tech ready, lexus nx. When that tostitos hint of lime flavor hits, it changes things. It takes your snack game up a notch. With a tangy, zesty crunch thats ready to dip. Tostitos. Get to the good stuff. [street noise] [text message] whole team is here coffee . Ah yes thank you [cheers and applause] michael welcome back to the daily show. Today is the last day of black history month, so to get her thoughts, we turn to an actual black expert, dulce sloan [cheers and applause] hello, friends. Today is february 29th, which is leap day and black womens history day [cheers and applause] and if you dont know that, its because i just made it up why . Because the rest of february is taken dr. King gets two weeks, the president s get a threeday weekend, and they even give a day to a groundhog . What the hell is a groundhog . Thats not even is that even a real animal . Are we sure . Is it just a big ass guinea pig with a good publicist . So im claiming february 29th for us yay [cheers and applause] why only one day every four years . Because you account for our wage gap and your mamanem the math works. Trust me. I carried the four and everything but the day is almost over, so lets celebrate some black women as fast as we can. Okay, throw a clock on screen what . No that looks like a shot clock this aint the nba. No, no. Make it historical is that a cuckoo clock . You trying to say black women are crazy . The nerve the unmitigated gall just put up any clock ooh, i like her. Shes black and she looks like she dont take no shit from nobody. Okay, lets celebrate some black women. Start the clock okay, shirley chisolm. Incredible congresswoman. Chiseled her way into history by being the first black woman to run for president for a major party in 1972. She spent 14 years in congress representing brooklyn. And i mean brooklyn brooklyn. Spike lee brooklyn, not lena dunham brooklyn. If you thought biggie had a tough time making money, imagine going door to door in bedstuy asking for campaign contributions. Donations. Raise monney donations. Raise monney i was off beat. Thats all right. Listen. Next dr. Shirley jackson ooh, another shirley the first black woman to earn a doctorate from m. I. T. She helped innovate touchtone phones, portable fax machines, and caller i. D. Shes the only reason Long Distance relationships work. So every time you use your phone, pour a little wifi out for your girl shirley [cheers and applause] next up missy elliot, for [cheers and applause] proving that black women can make a hit song while singing forwards and backwards. Its yerp witta flippa bin yet. Is that how you say it . Missy, we salute you. You salute we, missy see, thats backwards, okay look at ya girl im doing it next. Okay, wait, isnt there an auntie in the white house . Kamala harris. First female vp, and one bad bike ride away from being president. Listen, im just saying, if huffy bikes really wanted a female president , loosen some chains at the factory yall could make history help a sister out. Come on next mae jemison. The first black woman in space in 1992. What took so long . And that makes sense. Cause in the 90s, black people were doing whatever they could to get the farthest away from the lapd. [applause] so you saying i could go to outer space . While these cops stay on earth . Oh, ill take it come on, come on, lets go and the most amazing thing is that mae came back thats never a guarantee. But girl, wow. There was a black woman on Family Matters who went upstairs and never came back down next lisa leslie a basketball legend who was the first woman to dunk in the wnba. Thats right. She can dunk, which is way more impressive because when women do it, we do it with titties. Slows you down. She changed the game like me every time i play uno with my 5yearold nephew. Draw four, draw 17, uno ha in your face, declan next hey, its my mommy [cheers and applause] everybody, look at my mama shes out there everyday, giving, serving, loving. I mean, literally mothering and you know, she made me. Youre welcome [cheers and applause] thats not bad i was surprised i was able to cover that many people. Michael thats okay, we can celebrate even more black women in 2028. [laughs] theres not gonna be an earth then [laughs] michael fair. Dulce sloan, everybody [cheers and applause] when we come back, rex chapman will be joining me on the show. So dont go away. That was great. [cheers and applause] just the two of us we can make it if we try just the two of us just the two of us get two entrees and an appetizer for 25. Only at applebees. Lays wavy potato chips are made for dipping. So, youll spill less dip and break fewer chips. Which almost everyone will love. dont you forget about me sorry, frank. Made for dipping. Lays wavy. Stay golden. Limu emu doug bell ringing customize and save with libberty bibberty. Liberty bushumal. Libtreally blubatoo. Mark that one. That was nice i think youre supposed to stand over there. Oh am i . Thank you. So, a couple more . Well just. Well rip. Well go quick. Libu smeebo. Libu bribu. Limu bibu. And me. Doug hes an emu only pay for what you need. Jingle liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Liberty. Did you know most dish soaps dont remove all the grease, even with scrubbing . Whaaat . 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Download the experian app. Happy groundhog day i brought sam adams cold snap and this groundhog. Uhoh. patrons screaming bright. Citrusy. Perfect for spring. [cheers and applause] michael welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a university of kentucky basketball legend and an nba shooting star who has written a memoir called its hard for me to live with me. Please welcome rex chapman [cheers and applause] whats up, buddy . Thanks for having me. [cheers and applause] michael all right. All right, all right. Michael this book. You lay it out. I know you from basketball, some in this book, you talk about your addiction, your recovery. You are incredibly honest. One of the things that jumped out at me was, you broke the rules and oftentimes the law, a lot, before the kind of the big bottom. There was cheating in school, there was cheating thats not against the law. Michael right. There was driving with a suspended license. There was breaking tons of curfews. Rule breaker. Michael rule breaker. Michael the perks of being an athlete and being a successful athlete. Is that what allowed you i think so. Just talking about it in the green room with larry hughes, my simon and schuster guy. My last two years of high school, i have dyslexia and i didnt know any of that, though. I just knew higher math and science and all that stuff, i would sort of check out. How are you guys getting this . This is not easy. Im being told its kind of common sense. And i just kind of i quit. Im not going to be a math teacher. Why do i need to know this . And for me back in the day, we can only play basketball, like, three, four hours a day. By rule. And so i would be in a geography of Kentucky Class michael such a complicated class. [laughs] and i would be sitting there and thinking, well, reggie miller, clyde drexler, michael jordan, ron harper, all of these guys are working out right now and i am stuck in this class. And it is my only avenue to get where they are. I used to wake up at midnight on the east coast, i had fallen asleep, i would wake up in a sweat thinking, my god, someone i know out in l. A. , my grade, he is at the park right now. Its 9 00. I need to do some pushups. Let me go run a mile, come back, go to bed. Obsessed like that. Somebody is working harder and i cant allow that. Michael so that same level of commitment, that stubbornness, that anxiety over working, how do you does that help you in recovery or in a way, is it like, is it hard to go . Because im a bad [bleep], i can beat this . I know i can beat this. I think that is probably the mindset that got me there. [laughs] i for sure went through, very first when i started taking vicodin or oxycontin, i just remember, one day, very vividly, thinking, oh, can i cuss . Michael you can press. I already said [bleep]. [laughter] i thought to myself, oh, [bleep] shit. [laughter] no michael you played against michael jordan. You heard it. I have heard it all. But i was thinking, all of a sudden, i was taking this medicine that was saying take it once every whatever. Where i am making that call, all of a sudden, one day it flipped where that medicine was telling me when to take it. And before i know it, oh, i was only supposed to take three today, now im at four. I am at five. Then i get to seven or eight and i go, this is an issue, man. And i cut it down to four or five and then guess what . Maybe an argument or whatever. [bleep] this. And that was from the time i was 15 or 16 years old, though, i started having some depression and whatnot. And really started coping that way then, because i didnt know how to cope. Michael what do you have to say to people listening who might be a middle school phenom in a sport or high school phenom in a sport, everything is in front of them, it seems like, and there is a reality of this that you have lived . What do you say to somebody who might be in the throes of addiction right now . Do you have a message or thought . Man. I guess it is really just find somebody to talk to. I had so much pride that i was this king rex type thing, this image. I had so much pride about not living up to anything. I had all these secret insecurities and your pride can get in the way a lot. And once you let that move a little bit, then you can start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. However, i also recommend therapy. If i would have been able to have therapy, like, as a teenager, 18, 19 years old, i feel like i dont know if it would have changed anything but i know id have had a better shot of managing the stuff that goes along with being a popular and kind of athlete. Michael that is a great message. Thank you for this book. I loved it. You are the man. Rex chapman, everybody. [cheers and applause] its hard for me to live with me is available now. Rex chapman. Were gonna take a quick break, well be right back after this. 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Im going down to south park gonna have myself a time both Friendly Faces everywhere humble folks without temptation im going down to south park gonna leave my woes behind ample parking day or night people spouting howdy neighbor headin on up to south park gonna see if i cant unwind [muffled] come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine and so it is with heavy hearts that we say goodbye to mabel louise cartman. She was a good woman, a community leader, a caring wife, providing mother, and a loving grandmother. Mom, its 3 30. This is taking up my whole saturday. Shh, pumpkin, its almost over. Why couldnt the funeral have been on a school day . And now let us bow our heads in a moment of silence and reflect on how mabel touched our lives. God, she didnt take this long to die. And now we release the doves to symbolize the lord taking mabel into his arms and giving her everlasting peace. Peace. Great. Now can we go . No, sweetie, we have to tend to some of grandmas business. Ohh god damn it and so i leave my stocks and bonds worth an estimated 14. 12 to be divided amongst my loving family. Mom, i wanna go home in a minute, sweetie. This is important. My loving son stinky, i leave you the house in nebraska. Look after it as your father and i did. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. To my grandson eric, you were always my favorite fat little man, my perfect round little pudding piler. Oh, god, you have to embarrass me even in death, grandma. For you, eric, i leave, from my life savings, the sum of 1 million, to be transferred to you immediately. Whosajiggawhat . A Million Dollars . Eric is the primary benefactor of my estate, since it is likely the rest of you would spend the money on crack. Oh, my. That cant be excuse me. Does this mean i have 1 million . Yes, eric, its yours. No way. You dont understand. Since i was two years old, it has been my dream to have 1 million. And now you do. Oh. [screaming] [screaming continues] there you are, Jennifer Lopez youve been most uncooperative, miss lopez. No, please i promise ill never make another album or movie. Its too late for that, miss lopez. Have mercy pop yeahha awesome you guys, you guys [mumbling] why . Because [mumbling] nuhuh. No, swear to god, its true. You better not be lying, kenny