In person and you want to change your background, you have to physically move to another location. We look at teaching in the time of krone arks Michael Kosta faces death and aunt becky gets a full scholarship to prison. Welcome to the daily distancing show. From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is the daily distancing show with trevor noah. Trevor you know, when im feeling down, nothing makes me happier than hearing some good news. Also prozac works, but since the state says im no longer allowed to write prescriptions because im not qualified, heres our good news for you in our ongoing segment, a ray of sunshine. Lets kick it off with weed, aka marijuana, jazz, spinach, nelson manedibles. For many people, it has been an important way to get through the coronavirus lockdowns, but, now, it turns out it might also be a cure for coronavirus itself. A study in canada has prompted the idea that marijuana can help cure covid 19. Researchers at the university in canada applied multiple strains of cbcs to cells to see if it changed the ability to be affected by the covid 19. They found might concentrations lowered the number of cells the virus could attach itself tosm the study is a preprint publication, meaning it hasnt havent been repeated yet. Trevor can you believe it . Turns out your high school toner friend was right, weed really can do it all. If it works, kind of makes sense. The coronavirus is on the way to infecting your lungs, and then hits all the weed and all of a sudden the virus is, like, wait, where was i going . What am i doing here . Wow, have you ever noticed, like, im a virus but im, like, also, like, a , like, a thing . Now, before you order a costco size mug, this study was released before being peered reviewed which means it hasnt been confirmed. You see the articles cbds cures this thing, but it hasnt been confirmed. Its weird when researchers put out studies themselves. You would think somebody would have to put out their studies but they do it themselves. Like mixed tape rappers. Yo, you want science . Check this out, dope reviews in the control and variable group. Check this out, man, yeah, check it out. Come on. In my opinion, people shouldnt be able to put studies out before theyre verified. Before i realized this study wasnt peer reviewed, i ran out and bought a bunch of weed. What am i supposed to do wit now . Another big caveat was this study was backed by a cbd company. Why are you trying to find additional benefits to weed . Isnt it enough it gets you high . No meth heads say, scrub he the on your car, makes it really shiny, see why i like it, right . Maybe getting high isnt your vice. Maybe youre into gambling. Good news for you, too, because vegas is coming back, baby the Las Vegas Strip could wedge visitors as soon as june 1. I see at lot of social distancing, tables will be six feet apart, menus will be paper menus, sanitized between each and every use. Not one part of the business that is not going to change. On top oft that, every other slot machine is out of service with the chairs removed. Same for the woker table. Employees will be using electronic sprayers to disinfect the dice and elevator buttons. As for masks, they are mandatory for the employees. They will be given out to guests on the gaming floor, something never seen before in sin city casinos. Trevor thats right, vegas is a seenos are about to reopen. Ill will be honest. I dont know why anyone needs a casino. I feel like anytime you step into whole foods youre placing the ultimate bet, lets put it on the line for another tub of yogurt cay seens says they will Institute Safety measures like handing out masks. When i play poker, i do a tiny thing with my tongue. One things for sure, though, this is definitely going to change a classic gambling tradition like blowing on the dice for good luck, or wiping your nose with your cards or storing poker chips in your mouth. Cant do that anymore. Lets check in with mike pence, Vice President of the United States and guy who covers his eyes when simba and nail la kiss. When he stopped for lunch at a local restaurant. He gave us the most mike pence moment imaginable. Vice president mike pence did something this week many of us are patiently waiting to do, ordering food inside a restaurant. He stopped as a burger jont with Florida Governor ron desantis yesterday. What do you recommended . Spice are or not . Not spicey. Trevor this dudes favorite spice girl was se celine dion. Its crazy mike pence can even eat at restaurants considering his diet restrictions. I also cant have other meat that touched other meat. Its a sin. What you didnt see is the part when the employee asked pence whether he wants breasts or thighs and mother tackled the shit out of him. Lets check out todays headlines. Scary news from michigan. It was already one of the hardest hit states to have the coronavirus pandemic. Then has the expression goes, when it rains, it pours. Emotional whiplash for thousands in Central Michigan this evening as stayathome orders were turned to cause to evacuate after dam failures triggered catastrophic flooding. Water burst through the Edenville Dam in Central Michigan. The dam failed. 100 failure, evacuate the area. The breaches spent more than 10,000 people scrambling, Emergency Responders going door to door to evacuate residents. Roads, cars and homes were no match for the waters rising five feet deep in some areas. Hard to believe that were in the midst of a 100year crisis, a global pandemic, and that were also dealing with a flooding event that looks to be the worst in 500 years. Trevor goddam it, man, michigan has been hit with so many tragedies backtoback. This is horrible. I feel so bad for the people who have to flee their homes during a pandemic. Now when youre loading the car, you have to choose between photo albums and toilet paper, which is why i always order my family photos printed on toilet paper. A tip for you guys. Even though daily life stopped, disasters havent. Weve had floods, tornadoes, Hurricane Season is around the corner and only a matter of time before kanye comes out with another album. By the way, what really sucks is that this administration has been talking about fixing americas infrastructure for three years now, but the only thing theyve really worked on is the border wall. People of michigan should tell trump mexicans live in the water and hell rebuild the dam walls in no time. Got to get them up and going. I heard they swim so fast build the wall aunt becky, the last high file perpetrator in the College Admissions scandal is thrower herself at the mercy of the court. Breaking news in if sweeping College Admission scandal. Lorlori loughlin and husband was charged for paying to get two daughters into the yrt university of southern california. She will spend two months behind bars and pay a 150,000 fine. He will serve five months and pay a 250,000 fine. Trevor so disappointing. Another rich, white famous lady getting sucked into the prison system. You hate to see it. But, yes, after insisting she was innocent for over a year, aunt becky has suddenly changed her tune. Which just shows you how sick people are of being locked inside their homes with their families. Yeah, because two months of corona and all of a sudden she was, like, actually, your honor, im guilty. Take me to prison. I cant stay around them for long. Few ask me, this is a genius time to plead guilty to any crime because, with coronavirus raging, they have to let people out of prison. Yeah, in fact, knowing aunt becky, shell probably pay someone to fake her coronavirus test for her. Yeah, as you can see here, i contracted covid 19 while i was playing for the olympic team. Last headline is about fake news. The one thing that spreads even faster than coronavirus. As this pandemic has grown, so, too, have all the tweets about how to fight it, how not to fight it, how its growing and how its not growing. Turns out, most of those opinions might not be real. New concerns about misinformation and the coronavirus. Researchers say nearly half the twitters accounts speeding messages about the pandemic are likely computerized, but the study found over 100 false narratives about covid 19 since january. Its too early to determine who might be behind the accounts, but the goal seem to be creating division in america. Trevor yes, who could be putin out all this coronavirus information thats russian through the internet . I guess well never noviet union thanks, guys. Thank you. You know, when you think abit, being a twitter bot must be the most depressing bot to be. Think about it, all other robots are cool. Youve got robots that are like im going back in time to kill john connor then other robots are like, engage. Then these bots are, i tell Hillary Clinton created coronavirus. Honestly, im so shocked so many twitter accounts that have been tweeting about coronavirus are fake. So many twitter accounts are fake. We think its people. Its bots sending out information. I need to text my girlfriend about hey, girl, did you see this crazy story about twitter bots . I love you. Shes so real. All right. I got to take my tv out for a walk, but after the break, well look at how teachers are just not having a good time. Dont go away. Wedding day, huh boys . Been there, done that. Twice your cousin. From boston. Karen, im just gonna say what everyone here is thinking. You look smokin. Total smokeshow. And they never did find his finger. They had to close the pool for like an hour. I brought a date. Names sam. Dig in. Love is like boston lager. Rich, complex and its over too soon. Right, chrissy . Oh my god. Oh my vo . Love. Its what weve always said makes subaru, subaru. And right now, love is more important than ever. In response to covid19, subaru and our retailers are donating fifty million meals to feeding america, to help feed those who now need our help. Its all part of our commitment to our communities through subaru loves to help. Love, its what makes subaru, subaru. The daily distancing show. You know, usually, when we talk about coronavirus, we focus on the lives lost, the economy and jobs. But the truth is, this pandemic is changing our world in a million different ways, and one of those ways is how educators are going to keep their classes going. Were going to explore that all in our new segment teaching in the time of corona. Teachers, theyre the people who educate us, guide us and force us to mutilate the bodies of innocent frogs. While teachers have always had a difficult job, coronavirus has made things hotter than ever harder than ever. The challenges of Remote Learning taking toll on teachers. Teachers are feeling overwhelmed, they are being asked to do things theyve never done in their professional careers. Converting homes into Virtual Learning centers. Always going down the rabbitt hole of how to plan lessons and put them online. Its a whole different ball game keeping the kids engaged when you cant see theirfies. Its challenging for educators because its difficult to tell if students are really paying attention. We can only get the kids Attention Span 30 to 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, theyre donezo and looking to do something else, watching youtube or something. Trevor that sucks. Imagine pouring your heart into something and people are looking at their phones in the middle of it. Like what youre doing right now. Yeah, i see you looking at your phone during the show. Breaks my heart. Although, considering half the economy is now youtube based isnt such a bad things if these kids are more into youtube than school. I can show you plenty of youtube millionaires, but i cant find many who knows what time two trains pass each other millionaires. But if more kids ants woo pass youtube, teachers should make lessons youtubey. Turn them into makeup tutorials or something. Okay, class, im going to put foundation here, just like the colonists in roanoak established a foundation in the americas. Im not sure this is much different than regular school. Even when students are sitting right in front of you, theyre probably thinking of youtube videos anyway. Now, the war of 1812 was fought between the United States and the united kingdom, from june trevor heres whats amazing about teachers, not only are they not giving up, but many are actually stepping up their game to help meet these new challenges. Welcome to my african savannah. This teacher doesnt normally dress in a costume and stand in front of a green stream but very lit is normal. A math teacher spicing up online lessons with impersonations. Numbers, go down, go down trevor this Clinton High School teacher is taking her lesson plans to your students tik tok starting with the basic equations. Hello, were twins adding a little miewcts. An eighth grade teacher will do anything to support students. He promises to do one crazy thing a week if his students completes their assignments. He kissed a pig and ate bugs. Trevor this teacher turned this into an episode of fear factor to get his students to do homework. Which is incredible. But its setting Unrealistic Expectations for the workforce. I need the report in the morning then eat this crayon, bitch good educators know some things just cant be transmitted through a screen. When the coronavirus put the brakes on the school year, pat nagle came up with an idea. He hops his on his bike and pops in for a pop quiz. Im here for your final pop exam. Most days patrick myrrh tock can be found Teaching Health and phys ed inside regal row public school. These days he takes to his bike and visits students in front of their houses for a social distance dance party. The senior at wiley high cant go to school, but the princicle quickly realized he could go to him. In 12 days he visited every senior, 6612 of them from six feet away. He gave each a candy bar and said one day well look back at this and snicker. I delivered that joke over 600 times, and its pretty lame. Trevor this is the most heart warming story of a grown man handing candy to children. Eth great these teachers are making an effort to go door to door and reverse halloween their students. At the same time, its so shocking to kids because its so jarring when you run into your teachers outside of school. Mr. Donaldson, what are you doing at the mall, why are you holding that ladys hand . Where is yourblockboard . Are you living a secret life . Features are some of the most hard working and underappreciated people in our communities. I, for one, think they could use a break. In normal times, if a Teacher Needs a day off, the School Brings in a substitute. What happens in Virtual Learning times . Well, we found a service that can help them out. Are you burned out from teaching virtually . Have you created your own google hangout just so you will have a place to cry . Do you find yourself daydreaming about Summer Vacation even though you wont be able to go anywhere . Try zoom stitute designed exiewstles nor zoom. They have every type of substitute you find in real life. The inspirational inner city substitute. You know what they see . They see a bunch of kids playing for nite on their nine tendos. I see a bunch of future dr. Futureys. Except for you, kevin. You probably a dr. Oz at best. The running 30 minutes late substitute. Whew hey, guys, sorry im late. Okay. Thats all for today. Trevor the too much information substitute. So then i said, marvin how you gonna hook up with my sister on easter . Dressed like an easter bunny . Whown what . How about i shove a basket up your ass . How about that for resurrection day . The stuck in the past. State semifinals 2005, i was up a set 40 love and it happened, i got a foot cramp oh, damn it i should have won sighs anyway, so thats a rombus. A substitute on his phone the whole time. Everyone, we, today are going to be going the homework was assigned should we be doing something right now . Yeah, you should. And, of course, the acting too young for her age substitute. Nite one. Epic. Definitely putting that on my tik tok. Now you guys arent supposed to follow teachers, but i wont tell if you dont. All of our subs are available and ready to zoom at a moments notice. talking at the same time trevor when we come barks Michael Kosta goes to the beach and meets the grim reaper. Stay tuned. Marvelous party, darling. See you in monaco. Indeed. Bro, you know how to throw down its literally all i do. Yo, this was turnt. Yes, yes, it was turnt. laughs dude, hit me okay, too much heat. My bad come, join us do you mind if i. Keep it next party is at my house. Lets do it here. I was hoping youd say that. Ive never held a can before. I think youre doing it right. engine revs im pretty sure this is us. Twisted tea. Keep it twisted. The xfinity voice remote will find exactly that. For, happy stuff. The groups happy, im happy. You can even say a famous movie quote and it will know the right movie. Circle of trust, greg. Relax, the needles are jumping. You can learn something new any time. Education. And if youre not sure what youre looking for, say. Surprise me. Just ask what can i say to find more of what you love with the xinity voice remote. We see you teaching. Innovating holding down the home front and the frontlines. We see you loving living. And looking ahead. We see you dads. Thanks for showing us what it means to dad on. Trevor welcome back to the daily distancing show. As summer arrives, states are figuring out when and how fast to open and with corona still in the air, it can be a matter of life and death literally, as Michael Kosta found out. All across america, eccentric freedom lovers have been protesting to reopen the country. Now beaches are the latest battleground. Floridas are open for business. Northwest florida beaches are back open. Hundreds came out to soak up the sun, sand and surf. I love the beaches being open. This is just wonderful. While many floridians are enjoying their godgiven right to beach, one of them has a killer protest of his own. In northwest florida, one lawyer took a bold approach to express his concern. Thank you. Im here today to make a point that we i think its premature we open our beaches. Who was the strange florida man . Did terrorizing beachgoers make a difference . To find out, i made a date with death. My name is dane, im a lawyer and im the florida grim reaper. Can you remove your hood . Its kind of hard to process this. Remove my hood . Okay. Yeah. All right. I guess thats better. So what are you doing dressed as death, going to the beaches in florida . Well, we have a deadly virus thats killed over 75,000 people, and i think people need to be staying at home and taking precautions and not letting our beaches in our state. Visiting the beaches has got to be one of the top one thousand strangles things happening in florida, death visiting the beaches. Good point. Daniel has been visiting beaches as death for almost a month, mostly not well received. The public are none well too pleased seeing his presence here. I think he should go somewhere else and protest because he dont belong here. Daniel, why do floridians want to go to the beach so badly . I want to go to the beach. I love it. Im a floridian. Its part of our dna. Its who we are. To me, seems like a perfect time for floridians to learn a new hobby, like how to read. Florida gets a bad rap. Floridians get a bad rap and the grim reaper is getting a bad rap and im trying to fix both those things. Daniel, when should the beaches open . When we have enough testing, data and preparation. You want the government of florida to use testing, data and information, when, in the past, theyve never thought about using those things . Yes, this is a situation where i think that our government is making a choice to not do the right thing. Do you think youre making a difference . I think ive given a little hope to people that are seeing all these crazy protesters with guns and confederate flags and nazi flags. And the grip reaper costume. I mean, im not at a state house in michigan with a gun. The grim reaper is trying to preserve life. Daniel, is death really the best way to communicate this message of caution and temperance . I mean, everybody dies. Should we really fear death or you . I think when you have 75,000 people dying within a very short period of time and it doesnt appear to be slowing down, yes, this is the only message that we need to give. Sorry. Hearing daniel say that doesnt work for me. Would you mind just putting the hood back on and the mask and delivering that same message . Um, so, death, are you really the best way to communicate caution and temperance . scary music yes, we need the beaches closed so people dont die. This virus as death spoke unto me about the need for social distancing, i realized protesting to keep things closed could be helpful. Even though death is scaring the hell out of some bathers, at least hes wearing a mask. And maybe there was a deeper meaning. The one constant in life at death is always among us, ready to ferry our souls across that dark river of time. Maybe death is teaching us that i just want them to close the damn beaches. You think, having the opportunity that not everybody gets to speak to death changed my life. I wish i could hug you right now. I i should i could come down there right now and wrap my sweaty hands dr. No, stay there, do not come to death. Why are you not getting the message im sending . Stay away from the beaches of florida, please. Oh, i get it, death. And hopefully, florida does, too. Trevor thank you so much, michael when we come back, taraji p. Henson joins us on the show to talk about her work helping people Access Mental Health services, especially during this period. Dont go away. Your cousin. From boston. Theres nothing like a crisp refreshing sam adams boston lager. A perfect balance of malt hops. Sorry. I was gonna buy that sixpack. Ah, ten bucks. That includes mine. Yep, ok. Yep, ok. Were pretty different. Somos muy diferentes. Muy diferentes. vo verizon knows everyone in your family is different. There are so many of us doing so many different things. vo thats why verizon lets everyone mix and match different unlimited plans. So everyone gets what they need without paying for things they dont. The plan is so reasonable, they can stay on for the rest of their lives. Awwww. vo plans start at just 35, our lowest price on unlimited, for everyone. Plus, buy the new Samsung Galaxy s20 5g uw and get another on us. The network more people rely on gives you more. Every glass of tropicana watermelon. Has a million little sips of sunshine. Turning a moment of summer refreshment. Into a moment. Of summer amazement. Tropicana sip your sunshine. Trevor welcome back to the daily distancing show. Earlier today, i got the chance to talk to golden globe winning actor taraji p. Henson. Her foundation has launched a free virtual therapy sup campaign to help people Access Mental Health services who otherwise couldnt afford it. We talked about that and much more, so check it out. Taraji p. Henson, welcome to the daily distancing show. Yes, thanks for having me. Trevor how are you holding up in quarantine . Your hair looks great. Thank you ive learned to do a lot in this quarantine, and this is one of the projects. Im Getting Better each and every time. The first time, it took me three days. This time, it took me four hours . No yeah, four hours. Trevor wow. Youve always been an advocate for Mental Health issues. Youve always spoken out about it, youve always encouraged people to talk about it, share about it, get the help they need, remove all the stigmas in talking about Mental Health, and ive always appreciated you. I know your foundation is going doing something around coronavirus. Tell us. We doing a covid 19 virtual fundraiser. Were offering five therapy sessions for those underserved communities. Whoo, i have been saying it so much, my brain is, like, but its for those who are disproportionately affected by the covid 1. And its basically, you know, neighborhoods that are brown and black people. Trevor right. And because we dont really deal with Mental Health in our community, theres so much stigma around it, i just felt like a face needed to be put to it. Then in this special time now where people are isolated and you know theyre going through things in isolation and they dont have the means or the money, i just felt like i needed to do something, so trevor yeah, it really is a beautiful move because i feel like, during this period, more people have experienced and gotten in touch with what it is like to be either depressed or struggling with Mental Illness in a way they havent. A lot of times people can avoid it, run away fromt it, sometimes people dont know theyre experiencing it because of how fast their live is moving. And they can escape. Now youre forced to sit still. My prayer and hope is people who have shunned it, you know, seeking help or just believed the stigma around it, hopefully, they can take this time and this moment to experience it, to just try. Because, literally, you know, we keep saying, when the world opens back up, we will all have trauma to get over after this. All of this. Trevor tell me something, how have you managed to communicate to people the importance of therapy, especially when we come from communities . I mean, i know for a fact, i grew up in south africa, i grew up in a family where for the most part if i said to my family i need therapy, they would say you need to sleep, run or you need jesus. How have you managed to break through to communities who looked at therapy as a white people thing or almost fake in so many ways . I had to step up and tell my own story, instead of preaching to people. I think the misconception that people have of celebrities is that money can save everything, you know what i mean . Oh, youre rich, you dont have no problems. And its like money can amplify your problems and, like benny small said, the great poet and guru the notorious b. I. G. Said more money, more problems, and he never lied. So with that, you have to make the adjustments and take care of yourself. So i felt like me coming forward, and i feel like i have the the Community Trusts me. I think they still me as yvette from baby boy, a tad more relatable, in a way, and i wear my heart on my sleeve, so i felt like if i came forward with my owner shoes, that will free up a lot of people, when it was actually very freeing for me. For me, when i did it and i said it and i finally said it on a national platform, you know, and then i started seeing other people speak up, it was, like, oh, okay, im not alone. You know what i mean . The big bad monster is gone. Trevor right. And thats how you eradicate the stigma. The more we normalize the conversation, the easier it will be to have the conversation. Trevor tell me what youre doing to keep yourself sane beyond just therapy because, i mean, obviously, you have your therapy in your life. I go to therapy, you go to therapy, everyone who can goes to therapy, and thanks to you, at lot more people can go to therapy. But theres got to be like the small things you do just to i mean, youre just in the house. Youre living a completely different life. What is taraji doing inside right now . Dont think im weird, okay . Im going to show you. I have friends. laughter see them over there . See my friends . These are my friends. Trevor wow. Are those, like, mannequin heads . Yeah. I have every they look a little creep ysm its okay. Trevor they look a lot creepy. But i have every flavor. I have all this is my becky girl look at her trevor taraji, this looks like a scene in a horror movie where the person walks into the house and its all the heads and youre, like, who has heads inside the house and turns out its triageys. Look, i have hands as well. Trevor why . Because its a salon and i practice doing hair and i practice doing trevor oh okay. Okay. I feel like you should start with that, taraji. Next time anyone says to you what are you doing, before you show them, like, lends and hands, you should say, i have a salon in the house, and i practice doing hair and man cures. Thats why i have pieces of bodies inside my house. I feel like you should start with that. I talk to them. laughter whatever works, you know . laughter trevor but i need to understand the why. Is this a backup plan to your extremely successful acting career . What is this for . Yeah, because hollywood is shut down. We dont know when its opening back up. So in order to keep the lights on, im learning to do nails and hair. laughter my father always said, learn a trade. laughter people who have a trade are still working my gardners still working im in the house. Theyre outside, you know. Trevor thats true. Its essential jobs, though, so, i mean, i dont know if touching peoples heads is going to be something that you will be able to do if other things are shut down. Thats true. Well, i have these heads, and they make me happy. laughter they did really well. They tip really well. Trevor taraji, thank you so much. You made my day. Thank you so much for joining us on the show and talking about Mental Health, something we all deal witht at different levels, and people need to talk about more. Thank you for bringing light into our show. I appreciate you. Thank you, and if you want to help and donate, text no stigma to 707070. Trevor no stigma to 707070. Okay. And if we want to book hair appointments, is there a web site for that or not yet . I havent started it get but you can use my t. P. H. Products sold at target. Trevor there you have it. Taraji p. Henson, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Take care. Stay safe. Trevor thank you so much, taraji. If you want more information about the boris l. Henson foundation or you would like to donate to help their cause, all you need to do is visit borislhensonfoundation. Org. While were talking about that, i want to thank the daily show viewers for your incredible generosity. Every night these past few months, weve asked you to support charities of all kinds feeding hungry kids, p. P. E. To healthcare workers, Mental Health services and in that time, you guys have raised over a Million Dollars for these causes. That has been so helpful for so many people and so many lives have been saved and its all thanks to you. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for helping us and helping other people do that. Until next time, stay safe out there wash your hands and remember to spay and neuter your alexa. Here it is, your moment of zen. One executive overseas was being interviewed while her cats were drawl brawling, yall, right there behind her. You see my dog in the background . Hes trying to get my personal protective equipment. Have you heard the expression the dog ate my homework . Because we have a situation here. The maps arent going to move because he just what could the computer with his head. Next time, buddy. Were going to eat after this. So thats the forecast with oh, boy. Oh, boy. Hes jumping up, looking for craig outside the window. barking maple, could you stop for just a second . Three, two, one. More barking three, two, one barking [humming] what the hell . No, this is not happening. Didnt you get the memo . Its stairmageddon. Come on, Stanley Dwight is having maintenance done on the elevator today. And he was really on top of it. Weeks ago, he started the stairmageddon awareness campaign. The idea was to get us prepared, both mentally and physically, for a day that hopefully comes once in 100 years. Its a mageddon come on [panting] come on, stanley. Stay in it. I put 17 damn years into this company, and now theyre making me climb stair mountain. Come on our office has an unusually large number of unusually large people. This is an abomination. Come on, you got this. So when something as routine as elevator maintenance happens, and people are forced to expend cardiovascular effort, we have to compare it to the end of time. [music the office theme] red alert red alert the reviews are in. I repeat, the reviews are in. What . I just got a text from my brother. Scrantontimestribune. Com. Theres a review of the documentary. What does it say . I dont know, phyllis. I just got the text and started screaming red alert. Well, the alert was already set to red because of stairmageddon. You think i should set it to double red . I think we should. [panting] the office, an american workplace, airing on pbs next month, is a documentary following the employees of scrantons own Dunder Mifflin Paper Company [applause] in the series, which will air starting in may, we get an indepth look at many interesting local people. Theres kevin malone, the falstaffian accountant, dwight schrute, the head salesman, forever chasing a manager position he will never get. What does Josh Mcauliffe know about the paper business . He works for a news thing. Andy bernard, the rudderless trust fund child slash middle manager, whose incompetence is emblematic of a declining american economy. Ouch. Sorry, andy. Thats its ok. What the hell does he know . A possible explanation for his lack of career focus is his surprising musical talent. I want you to print that out for me. I will. Now that this documentary is coming out, my days at dunder mifflin are probably limited. And you know what, good, because this is not what i wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be my generations lisa loeb. Though it mostly focuses on the daily realities of office life, a lurid subplot reveals the hypocrisy of a local public figure embroiled in a gay affair while preaching family values. Oh, which public figure . I bet its katie couric. Ive been saying this for years