Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Trevor Noah 20240713

From trevors couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the show, this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah. Before we get into the latest headlines, lets kick it off with some good news, in our new segment ray of sunshine. All right, first up is news out of india. So many people are quarantined in their homes that for the first time in a long time, you can actually see the real color sky in some of the most heavily polluted areas of new delhi. There was smog every single day. And one of the images was this one, which shows the before and after of 1. 3 billion people staying at home. Thats amazing. Just look how beautiful new delhi is without pollution. It looks like the city went on queer eye. Youve been hiding yourself under so many layers of smog. Let your true self shine, girl. I mean, goddamn, those are some blue skies. I bet india forgot there was a time when skies werent gray like how america forgets there was a time when president s werent orange. They used to be brown. Heres some good news coming out of hong kong. A zoo, which has been trying unsuccessfully to get its pandas to mate for 10 years, reported that finally yesterday, the pandas spontaneously started having sex. And the researchers say they think its because nobody is at the zoo. And im like, yeah, i dont need to be a researcher to know thats whats happening. Of course the pandas are having sex because nobody is there. How would you react if every day people came to your window, come on have sex do it put it in so i dont blame the pandas. Even when i have one person watching me during sex im like, hey, can you you can look the other way, im just get ago yeah, im real self conscious. Would you mind looking . Look the other way. Theres a lot of pressure. When youre telling our grandkids about coronavirus years from now the animals are going to be telling a completely different story. Grandma, tell us about the coronavirus. Oh, little ones, it was a wonderful time. There were no humans and your grandpa was smashing me like there was no tomorrow. So good news for those pandas. Although the bad news, is now that nobodys watching, the monkeys have all stopping having sex. Those guys are freaky. Dont get me wrong. Corona is also bringing out some of the best in humanity. Lifting spirits during this tough time say real super hero. Batman is hitting the streets of san diego. Reporter by day, chris banner runs a lawn Service Helping cut weeds and fire lines on peoples property. But when duty calls, he suits up. Hes got the bat suit, and hes got the wheels, a replica 1989 batmobile that he and a friend built. Normally, chris gets paid to make appearances at birthday parties and other special occasions, but while the pandemic goes on, he decided to just hit the road and make people smile. Trevor aww, that is such a sweet idea, than. That guy say hero. I just hope he never started talking like batman. That would freak people out. kid yaaaaaay its Batman Batman scratchy voice hi, kids. Im here to keep you kid ahhh is that coronavirus. Get him away from me just use your normal voice. Whats wrong with you. Go back to the other thois voice. Trevor all right, thats it for the good news. Lets get into some headlines. The worldwide number of confirmed corona cases has now steadily climbed to 1. 3 million people. And while some countries are seeing progress, other countries are preparing for the worst. In fact, after facing criticism for his response to the pandemic, Prime Minister abe shinzo has now declared a state of emergency. And in britain, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been moved to an intensive care unit after his coronavirus symptoms worsened. So now, because the u. K. Doesnt have a line of succession for when the Prime Minister is out of commission, johnson deputized his foreign secretary to fill in for him. And im not going to lie. I thank god that in america, the president doesnt just get to pick whoever he wants to take over for him. Its good theres a line of succession, because who knows who trump would pick. trump while im in the hospital, doc antle will be in charge. Hes like a dr. Fauci that bleep . And speaking of president trump, while the u. S. Is bracing for an explosion of new coronavirus infections, the white house is also bracing for more backlash. They havent been listening to coronavirus warnings they have been receiving for months. Just today, axios reported that peter navarro, trumps trade adviser, wrote a memo back in january, where he warned very accurately that if america didnt take immediate action to stop the corona virus, it would break out in the United States and it would kill hundreds of thousands of people. On top of that he predicted it would destroy the company. So trump got warnings from the h. H. S. , his intelligence agencies and got warnings from his own economic advisers. And he didnt heed any of those warnings. Basically, if there is ever a warning trump will ignore. Coronavirus, check engine light. I bet even choking hazards. Half of mike pences job is pulling legos outs of trumps throat. It was a yellow piece, so i thought it was a piece of cheese. I know, mr. President , easy to mistake, sir. It turns out trump has been ignoring so many warnings that the daily show Investigation Team managed to get some of donalDonald Trumps voicemails,d it turns out he was even ignoring warnings from coronavirus itself. phone ringing . Trevor the big story today is voting. Its how america picks its leaders and its dancers with the stars. And in the time of coronavirus, voting has gone from being a boring civic duty to a recipe for disaster crowds of people packed into a tight space together, sharing pens, elderly poll workers. Its a coronavirus all you can infect buffet. And thats all in addition to the usual dangers of voting, like getting your hand stuck in the ballot scanner. Thats like a thing that happens for real. And its because of that corona risk that many states around the country have decided to postpone their primary elections until later in the year. But wisconsin is not one of those states. Because today they held their primary elections as scheduled. Which, as you can imagine sa big problem, because not only were wisconsinites forced to pchoose between their health and their civic duty, but thanks to so many poll workers dropping out, the number of voting sites were slashed across the state, especially in urban areas. For example, the number of polling locations in milwaukee, went from the usual 180 all the way down to just five. Five polling sites for a city of 600,000 people. And im sorry, guys, those numbers just dont make sense. 600,000 divided by five is. Like. We all know what that number is. The point is, its unfair for the voters. When wisconsin opened its polling locations this morning you could immediately tell having the election today was a really bad idea. We turn to wisconsin, where, despite the states stayathome order, the primary is being held today, and folks are casting their ballots in person despite fears of spreading coronavirus. There have been long lines raising concerns about social distances. There are people lined up around the side of the high school, around the corner, through the parking lot, and into the road and sidewalk that extends beyond that school as well. Trevor seriously, this is just ridiculous. People standing around the block, huge numbers waiting to vote. During coronavirus. This is ridiculous. There are only two reasons people should be waiting in line for hours around a block. Either baby yodas doing a meetandgreet, or youre meetandgreet, or youre buying a pair of sneakers that are too nice to ever wear. You put them in the back of your closet and brag about having them. Clearly, this is not the ideal way to run an election, especially during a pandemic. So the obvious question is why didnt wisconsin delay their primary, like all the other states did . Well, it turns out, wisconsins democratic governor, tony evers, tried to delay the primary and he tried to make it easier to vote by mail, but he was blocked by the republican legislature, now, that doesnt make sense. Voting by mail might sound like a weird idea, but every state already allows it in some form. And not only that, five states conduct their elections entirely by mail. So many experts right now are arguing that the most responsible thing to do during coronavirus is have everybody mail in their votes. And for my younger viewers mail is when you send a message to someone, but its on paper. Someone, but its on paper. Its like a tiktok. You put it in an envelope. Oh, and an envelope, uhh, thats like an app that you open physically, like, with your hands. So the big question is why are many republicans in wisconsin and around the country resisting efforts to make it easier to vote . Well, i mean, theyre still giving their usual talking point about trying to prevent voter fraud. But recently, prominent Republican Leaders have been slipping up and telling the truth. Donald trump has said that if we voted by mail, republicans would never win again. The things they had in there were crazy. They had things levels of voting that if you ever agreed to it youd never have a republican elected in this country again. The speaker of the house in the state of georgia has said the same thing, that they dont want more voter participation. This will be extremely devastating to republicans and conservatives in georgia. Every registered voter is going to get one of these so, you know, this is going to this will certainly drive up turnout. Trevor okay, this is so insane, man. These republicans are afraid that if more people get access to voting, theyre going to lose elections. And so instead of just coming up with policies that are more popular, theyd rather just make it harder to vote. Basically, these republicans believe in the free market for everything, except themselves. I mean, think about it. If someone was getting bad scores at the olympics, what would they do. They would probably work harder to improve their routine. But republicans would be like, why are you wasting your time . Just steal the judges scorecards. Problem solved for years people have suspected but now republicans are saying it out loud we dont want more people to vote because we will lose. I dont know why theyre saying it outdoors. Maybe its being quarantined. You lock people up long enough, and the truth comes out. Ill tell you what i really think of your cooking. So the battle around voting is shaping up to not only affect the primaries in the months to come but also potentially in the general election in november. Because the coronavirus might go away in the summer, but just like pumpkin spice, it could make a comeback in the fall. If some republicans have their way with how all americans can and cannot vote, believe those panda bears in hong kong wont be the only ones getting screwed. Before we all became the human version of indoor cats, there was some very important voting happening in this country. And im talking of course about the daily shows very own bracket tournament to pick Donald Trumps best words. We started with 64 words. Three million votes were cast by you. And tonight, my friends, we are ready to announce the winner. First, since we have the time and lord knows we have the time lets review some of the other contenders with one last look at the president doing what he does best taking the english language and putting it dick first into a wood chipper. President ulicious f. S had grant. Americans of all walks of love, rosea. We just set another schloc pocket. Made a 55itable. Rich tranjigzs. In april of 20,014. Trevor im pretty certain trump just took an entire dictionary and mashed it into a single word. Truly talented. For a guy who doesnt drink, trump regularly sounds like hes 15 beers deep. drunk trump enen obama dizzlemander, grokay . Now go tell max pence i needs a pizza. So which of trumps best words is his best best word . Here to reveal the winner are Michael Kosta and roy wood jr. Whoa what a tournament, roy. I mean, when we started this bracket a month ago, nobody knew the effect it would have on the world. People are now in quarantine. New york city has a hospital boat. The stock market has crashed. Im pretty sure thats because of the coronavirus. But, yeah, keep going. I just put you on mute intentionally soy didnt hear what you said. But the point is the bracket made a big splash. Lets find out now who the winner is. I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges, the oranges of the investigation. The beginnings. And god bless the united shaysh. Thank you very much. bell ringing oranges. Owners. Oranges and look at this very real confetti falling from our apartments at the same time. Even though were not in the same apartment. Its amazing. Im going to glue it together and use it as toilet paper. I gotta say, kosta, trump struggling to properly pronounce origins might be the hardest work hes done this entire presidency. And oranges isnt even trumps wrongest pronunciation but it is his most embarrassing and thats why it comes in for the win exactly. Its the most humiliating of all of trumps words because he himself is orange. And thats why its the winner of trumps best word. Roy, we have good news on top of that. Because trump has been holding all of these daily coronavirus briefings, hes been giving us new words in the last three weeks that will be in next years bracket. Heres a preview of some of those words. Defeat the coronavi. The karanavirus. Show you some of the lattice. The highest level of activist. Trevor roy wood jr. And Michael Kosta, everyone. Coming up, ill be talking coronavirus exwhks gita gopinath. So stick around. This beer looks just like. Beer. But what if we told you its recipe is over 100 years old . Created in mexico by a german brewmaster. Its not just any beer now, is it . Dos equis. A most interesting beer. Yes. Yes. Yeah sure. Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah no problem. Yes yes, yes a thousand times yes disover. Accepted at 99 of places in the u. S. Yes, yemichael vasquez es yes come over here. Ive heard such good things about you, your company. Well, i wouldnt have done any of it without you. Without this place. This is for you. Michael, you didnt have to. And, were going to need some help with the rest. Youve worked so hard to achieve so much. Perhaps its time to partner with someone who knows you and your business well enough to understand what your wealth is really for. Uhoh. No wifi at your inlaws house . Its switching time. And now its netflix time. Watch netflix offline. Switch to chromebook. Trevor welcome back to the daily social distancing show. Earlier today, i spoke with gita gopinath, the chief economist at the International Monetary fund to find out whats going to happen to the worlds economy if the coronavirus keeps everything shut down. Check it out. Gita gopinath, thank you so much for joining us. Welcome to the daily social distancing show. Thank you. Im glad you want to talk to an economist. Trevor i think economists are the people we need to speak to the most right now because money is going to be the second biggest loser, i guess, in coronavirus. Obviously, human life comes first, and then you have money, which people need to sustain themselves and survive. As the i. M. F. , you lend money to countries, which means you can learn a lot about what countries are going through and what they need. What have you gone from your insights into what countries need right now . So the first thing i want to flag, trevor, is that weve had over 90 countries come to us to discuss financial assistance. And so this is unprecedented. It hasnt happened before. So it tells you the scale of the crisis that were dealing with. I think what we need to keep in mind is this crisis is very different from any others weve seen the Great Depression, the great recession, and now this is the Great Lockdown that we are living through. So, firstly, the shock is so unique, i mean, like you said, this is a human tragedy, first. Its a health crisis. This is not something that were used to. Second, in terms of helping countries and telling them to think about what comes next, theres so much uncertainty. Economic policy is not going to be able to determine the spread of the virus. Not how intense its going to be or how many deaths there will be. All of that comes from Public Health and science. And the third factor is that while in the past, if you lent a country money and you told them to spend it, that would stimulate activity. But this time around, we actually dont want people to go out and spend. We want them to stay at home. So this is about maintaining their Economic System so when this disease is under control, you can see a faster recovery. Trevor i know this may sound like a really stupid question, but is there a point where money just runs out . If very few people are working, if everything is shut down, is nobody is moving money around, earning money, spending money, is there a point where governments say, we dont have what happens at that point . What is the Tipping Point that as an economist you about . This is a crise where, given the scale of spending were seeing, were going to see countries running very large fiscal deficits with their debtstog. D. P. Going up quite substantially, with Central Banks putting in a lot of stimulus. Now, in theor, Central Banks can also put in as much stimulus as they want to. That said, there are limits to what they can also do. But this is a real challenge that countries are grappling with. That said, you have to think about the counterfactor. If you dont do what youre doing now you could end up in a worse situation because the Economic Activity would collapse so severely, that your debttog. D. P. Would be even worse. Things could be worse if you didnt do what is needed right now. And i think that is something that everybody recognizes at this point. Trevor some people have argued that the economy would be put into a coma right now, and its not, in effect, dead. Because unlike the Great Depression and unlike the recession, as you said, there isnt, you know, a real underlying cause in the same way. Its not you know, its not a loophole in the market thats causing something. Its not a failure in real estate thats happened. Its a strange thing thats affected the entire market, and some argue that that means we can experience a huge jump afterward wheres everything goes back to normal. Can that happen . And if so, how long would it take for that to happen . Great question, trevor. To answer the question, what comes next . I think besides economists and policymakers its going to depend a lot on what Health Experts tell us. Its not going to be possible to bring the economy back up to 100 if we dont get this particular virus under containment. So theres that huge piece thats there. Now, it is true that if all of this levels out, and youre seeing some hopeful signs in some countries. Youre seeing some leveling off. Then you can see a scenario where activity resumes going forward. In fact, our projection is that 2021 will be one of recovery. But there is so much uncertainty at this point. If this if the containment measures work and this is not a very prolonged period, if people can get back to work much more quickly, then we can think about a rebound coming and policies that have been put in place, if theyre effective, then we can see a rebound happening. Trevor so before i let you go, were, obviously, talking about the economics of a health cries that has affected every aspect of human life. Policymakers, as youve said many times, are going to be instrumental in deciding how governments respond and how nations are in fact going to be affected and how their people are going to be affected. What is the advice you have given to leaders out there in how they figure out what to do with their economies . So the first thing the first advice we have given is when it comes to matters of health, do whatever it is. Do the spending thats needed to protect peoples lives, to protect medical professionals, First Responders, because that is the number one thing that countries need to care about at this time. Secondly, it is very important to make sure that people who are losing jobs have can maintain a basic lifestyle, that they have the income to be able it feed themselves, to take care of their health, you know, basic services have to be provided to them. And its very important to make sure that farms ask small and Medium Enterprises have the resources they need so they can stay alive so once we pass this phase we can see a recovery happening much faster. Trevor i hope they take your advice. Thank you so much for taking your time to explain some of this to us. And i hope that youre right, and i hope it happens sooner than later. Well, thats our show for today. Before we go, though, please remember this is going to e harrowing week for doctors, nurses, and First Responders around the country, and you can help them protect themselves and save lives by getting them the masks, gloves, and gowns they need to protect themselves. So please go to thrive globals First Responders first and donate whatever you can to help get p. P. E. S to the people saving our lives. And if you want to help in new york city specifically, please go to the new york mayors fund, covid 19 response and help them out. Stay safe out there, wash your hands, remember to wipe from front to back and not side to side, and ill see you again tomorrow. Here it is, your moment of zen. I look at whats really happening today that makes me proud is the people doing our elections are doing it as safe as they possibly can be. You can come to a polling place and do it safely. You can do curbside voting, like they are here. You can request the person come out, theyll deliver you a ballot. Theyll check your i. D. You are crby safe to g