Make a show. Im trevor noah. Our guest tonight is an amazing woman who has spent her entire life fighting for human rights and protections for disabled people. Judith heumann is joining us, everybody. An amazing story. Also on tonights show, the democratic race is down to the final two. Jurassic park is real, and lewis black doesnt want to see pictures of are your kids. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets kick it off with the coronavirus. The disease is now officially in 85 countries and it has over 95,000 confirmed cases. And it is the reason even white people have switched to the fist bump. And explode. Now here in new york because the city is so crowded, the risk of coronavirus is especially dangerous. You see if corona can make it her, it can make it anywhere. laughter and thats why city officials are taking action. The mta stepping up its cleaning efforts to prevent the spread of the coronavirus on public transit. Workers are disinfecting 427 subway stations wiping downturn styles, tickets daily and in addition to cleaning the says its full fleet of subways, trains and buses will be sanitized every 72 hours. Trevor thats right, new york is trying to keep the subway clean to protect riders from spreading coronavirus. Which is a noble instinct but good luck trying to keep the new york city subway system clean. You can actually hear the paper towel screaming. Ahhh laughter and by the way, maybe im just noticing it now, but like was i the only one who is like wait, now theyre cleaning the subway . applause what were they doing before . Oh, well, now well clean it every 72 hours. What were you doing before that video is a little funny because it looks like were cleaning up so we can impress the coronavirus when it arrives it will come on the subway, wow, is this for me . But for real though, everyone on the subway isic taking the threat seriously. If you ride the trains you know what i am talking about. People are avoiding handrails. The rats are wearing little hazmat suits. Even the subway masturbator vsz switched from lotion to purell. Yeah. It burns but its responsible. And remember, you have to do it long enough to sing happy birthday twice. Remember, lets move on. Because while humans are worried about getting wiped off the planet there is another species that might be coming back. Scientists say that theyve discovered dinosaur dna along with other biological material in a fossilized skull in mononeucliosis. The skull belonged to a hipackosaurus which was a planteating duckbill dinosaur which has been extinct for around 66 million years. Now dna is only expected to survive a million years. So if the discover is confirmed, it would change our understanding of buy only biology. Trevor okay, it may change your understanding of biology. I already didnt know any of that shit. What i do understand, its for the first time ever, they found actual dinosaur dna, and guys, if we have dinosaur dna, we have to make jurassic park. I mean yeah, no, look, i know, i know weve seen the movies. I know how it is going to end. But those first two days are going to be dope. Its going to be so much fun. Like if my options are dying from coronavirus or a vell os raptor, i know what i am choosing, yeah, gas up that bubble thing, lets do this, baby. You know, i actually feel bad for dinosaurs if we bring them back. Because everyone assumes that if they will return they will kill us and take over the world. But chill has changed. The fast Food Industry does not mess around. Yeah, once popeye sees a big meaty animal walking around. Yeah, its two weeks until we are all like love that t rex from pop popeyes. And imagine, can you imagine what it would be like for a dinosaur. Because we are like dinosaurs could come back. We are expecting, for them if they come back in modern times, there will be one dinosaur. The first one looking around. Everything is so different. Theres cities, theres cars and i dont under oh, bernie, hey bernie good to see you again. Hello. Carl, we need to talk. I need your help. Did you pass medicare for all. Its getting close. Were getting there. And finally, some news from the tech world. If you are worried about being cancelled because of your old tweet, help son the way. Twitter twitter is starting to test tweets that disappear after 24 hours. The company is calling the new fore mat fleets because of their shortlived nature. The feature is similar to Instagram Stories and snaps on snapchat. Fleets wont be available to be retweeted and wont have likes but peesm can respond to them. Trevor thats right, soon you will be able to post tweets that get deleted automatically after 24 hours. Which means the oscars can have a host again. Yay an i think more apps should incorporate this feature. You know like they should say if you send a text message to someone you like but they dont reply, that message should also disappear automatically because i am not a loser. applause going to leave me on read . And as much as i like thissed why, i think there are a few ways twitter can improve it even more. They should say if you send a tweet after midnight it automatically deletes it self after two minutes, yeah. No one says anything good at that time. They should have another feature that if the president sends a tweet they should delete before he hits send. Yeah. cheers and applause they would be sitting there like all these mexi all these mex im hungry. All right, thats it for the headlines, lets move on to our top story. The democratic primary. If yesterday was super tuesday, today is what the [bleep] wednesday. So lets catch up on the fallout of 9 biggest voting night in the primaries in another installment of world war d. Going into super tuesday, the democratic field had been narrowed down to four main candidates which say long way from the original 6,000. And as the dust began to settle, it became clear there were two winners and two losers. Elizabeth warren, one of the nights losers. She failed to pick up a single state. And to add insult to injury, in her home state of massachusetts, she came in third. Yeah. Which is pretty rough. Like you came home to find your parents had replaced you with another child. You would be like sorry, honey, we would like joe biden to be our daughter now. But she wasnt the only one with a disappointing evening. Another candidate who hit the low point was Mike Bloomberg. Fompleer new york mayor and best person to sit behind at a concert. Because after spending the gdp of a small country on his campaign, his quest for the nomination ended in failure. A fox news a ert will, super tuesday made for a super shakeup. Democrat Mike Bloomberg today dropped out of the race after his dismall showing last night. Yesterday was a disaster for bloomberg. He spent more than 500 million and won only a few dozen delegates. Last night campaigning in florida bloom brerg tried to sound upbeat. No matter how many delegates we win tonight, we have done something no one else thought was possible. Thats right. We spent half a billion dollars to absolutely eat shit. They said it couldnt be done but we did it. applause we did it. Im not going to lie. I still cant believe Mike Bloomberg spent 500 million to not be president. Now like im also not going to be the president but i spent nothing. In a certain way i feel like i saved 500 million, you know . It really is. That is how i feel. And the funny thing is, right before he dropped out, bloomberg bought more tv air time than he doesnt need any more. Since he has already paid for t he should use it he should come on tv and share his random thoughts. Hi, im Mike Bloomberg. Have you ever noticed youve never seen birds having sex . Kind of weird, huh . Anyway, see you guys in the next ad break. Trevor just do the whole time. Now the reason bloomberg is droing out now after just one bad night is that you must remember, he entered the race to be the moderate alternative to Bernie Sanders. But last night the voter prtion very clear that they already know who they want their moderate candidate to be. The night belonged to joe biden. They dont call it super tuesday for nothing. The former Vice President with a massive comeback on the biggest night of the primary so far. I fired up joe biden celebrating his historic night, racking up a string of commanding victories including a clean sweep of states in the south and a stunning win in delegaterich texas. They pun dilts declared the campaign dead, tell that to the folks in virginia, north carolina, alabama. Tennessee. Oklahoma. Arkansas. Minnesota trevor aaa, a. Thats a joe biden we vn seen in awhile. Look at him, all smiling, full of energy, naming states that actually exist. No, but lets be honest. We were all waiting for him to give a shout out to pennsylchusettses. Im serious. I dont think i have seen biden this happy since that time obama taught him how to ride a bike. This has been awhile. I mean and of course, of course no joe biden speech would be complete without a few moments where the wifi dropped out. It say good night. And it seems to be getting even better. By the way, this is my little sister val row and im jills husband oh no you swimped on me, this is my wife, this is my sister. They switched on me. Oh, joe, really . Joe biden called his sister his wife. That san awkward mistake. And if you are going to talk about your sister wife you should have done it sooner because then you could have won utah. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, hi, im Mike Bloomberg. I was thinking, how does aw train turn around. Anyway, see you guys next ad break. Now the sister wife thing was just a silly gaffe that didnt de rail the night. What caused concern was when two protestors stormed the stage. During bidens speech protesters rushing the stage. You see it there coming within feet of the former Vice President and dr. Jill biden, his wife. One woman was swiftly removed by the former Vice President s body man. Then moments later, see it again. A second protester storms on to the stage. Symoan sanders his senior advisor, she just comes out of nowhere, flies on stage and rips one of the protestors you ever a. Dr. Jill biden protecting her husband by slugging off a protester storming the stage. Her response. Trevor that, jill biden, see that, stepped in and blocked that protester like a white lady jackie chan. Bam i mean i knew she was a doctor. I just didnt know her ph. D was in asswhipping, that was amazing. And it wasnt just bidens wife, his Campaign Advisor symon, sanders, did you see that, she handles that protester like a professional body guard. He has more women protecting him than tchalla. Is he killing it out here. No wonder he won the black vote. Overall it was a good night for biden. Dont forget this contest is far from over. Because this race is all about winning delegates. And not just states but delegates. And even with his good night last night, biden is still basically neck and neck with bernie in the delegate count. Up until this point these two have been super friendly on the campaign trail. Hugging at the debate, something tells me those days might be over. This morning its now a twoman race vermont senator Bernie Sanders already sharpening his attack against biden. One of us in this race lead the opposition to the war in iraq. Youre looking at him. applause other candidate voted for the war in iraq. Boo one of us has spent his entire life fighting against cults in Social Security, and wanting to expand Social Security. cheers and applause another candidate has been on the floor. Senate calling for cuts to Social Security, medicare, medicaid, and veterans programs. Trevor thats right. One of us is a bi t and the other person is me. You know who i am talking about. Spread the word. The gloves are officially off. The dentures are in. And things, things are about to get messy between these two. Not just because there is vices viper rub everywhere,no, because this is the homestretch. To find out who will be the democratic nominee. And bernie, if you are going to attack joe biden, i wish you the best of luck. But remember not to get too close. Because then you will have to deal with jill. Well be right back. How bout no . No. Uh uh, no way. Come on. No. No. N. Ni ni, no no only discover has no annual fee on any card. N. Ni ni, no no shes staying in a rainforest tree house . Thats my dream. You dream big for a man on a plane to omaha. And shes zip lining with little jon . What its lil jon. Even he knows that. Thanks, captain obvious. Youre with big jon. Im steve. Dont hatelike their trip, book yours with hotels. Com and get rewarded basically everywhere. Hotels. Com. Be there. Do that. Get rewarded. They cant argue with that. What is happening . What is all of this . [ gunshot ] [ screaming ] we hunt human beings for sport. [ laughing ] [ screaming ] [ gunshots ] [ screaming ] whyd they kidnap a bunch of normal folks like us . [ screaming ] seems so personal. You must have done something to these people. You one of them . Theyre playing you everyone is lying. [ screaming ] awwww yeah. Thats the stuff. No really. Those are the actual ingredients. Funky rock track tostitos. [crunch] get to the good stuff. Because you didnt have another dvt. Not today. One blood clot puts you at risk of having another, so we chose xarelto®, to help keep you protected. 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Trevor welcoming with to the daily show. When a new story falls through the crack, lewis black catches it for a segment we call back in black. Lets talk about i hate them, theyre loud, theyre clumsy and their hands are always covered in jam. They didnt even eat a sandwich, the jam is just there. The kids arent the problem, its their goddam parents. From babys first bath to those toddler temper tantrums, parents are sharek more about their kids online than ever before. 92 of kids under the age of two already have a digital footprint. Meaning photos and personal information when parents activee their childs digital identities. Wow, sharneting. What fun. I could just sharnting in my pants right now. But that is right, parents are sharing every stinking soulsucking moment of their kids boring lives. Think about it. What do babies do. They shit, they scream, they pass out. If i wanted that i would go to mardi gras. At least there the boobs arent for feeding. But turns out shairnting also just annoy it could ruin your kid he alive. It is no joke, more than 140,000 children are victims of Identity Theft each year and the number keeps growing as more information is shared across social media. You my ity this posting a birth announcement with your babys name and date of birth is safe but if are you also sharing your madeen name and location, that is enough to open a bank account or credit card in your infants name and chances are your child wont discover it until they are much older when they apply for a student loan or that first credit card. You see what you have done, you oversharing shit heads you screwed your kids credit. Instead of a visa they will be trying to pay about a nude photo of them sitting in a pumpkin. Plus how dare you rob them of the experience of ruining their own credit. Thats a rite of passage. But its not surprising that after living in this overslairing world, the kids have had enough. Parents and grandparents facing backlash from their children for oversharing on social media. 14 year old lillian asked her mother not to post any photos of her without permission. But her mom kate admits she just couldnt resist. I knew she didnt want me to share them. I justified it by saying itslio share that, or why would she care, because she looks cute. I thought she was cute. But thats not really the issue, is it. Quick, get your camera, mom. Will you want to capture this magical moment when your daughter decided to late you forever. You know you failed as a parent when are you getting lessons re the people who wouldty from a french kiss a taser for tiktok. But look, kids, kids talking to your parents isnt going to be enough. Theyre not going to stop until you show them what st like to be on the receiving end of oversharing. So heres my solution. If theyre going to post your private moments, you post their private moments. Like how about a photo of daddy going potty. Or surprise your mommy with an adorable snap shot during bath time. And the next time you tag your dad on instagram, be sure to include his Social Security number. Happy 40th, pops. Your age may be going up but your credit is going down. cheers and applause trevor. Lewis black, everybody. Well be right back. cheers and applause it all starts with an invitation. To be our guest. The invitation to lexus sales event now through march 31st. Lease the 2020 rx350 for 409 a month for 36 months and well make your first months payment. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. Wnongenemodi. Nongen. Oh, triscuit is nongenetically modified. Nongenemodiscuit. Triscuit is nongmo project verified. Triscuit. Make scuit happen. I am also not geneticallymodified. Dramatic music intensifies dramatic music really, really intensifies dramatic music ends, dramatically chobani flip. All good. No bad. With the same refreshing taste as the original. But without any of the sugar. Ahhhhhhh heres mtn dew zeroooooo. Im am thirsty with Kentucky Fried Chicken sweet and savory its cooked to order get it in a basket or a sandwich only at kfc its Finger Lickin good. Oh. Im working welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight say lifelong civil rights advocate for people with disabilities. Shes also the author of being human, an unrepentant memoir of a disability rights activist. And she is featured in the upcoming Netflix Documentary crip camp. People are not used to seeing a whole lot of folks in wheelchairs and you have to back up. I mean you have to back up if you are on the wrong side in front of that young woman. This is wyx. They were announcing par a pledgic parapledgic stop traffic in manhattan. There were only 50 of us. So baiflt with the one street we were able to shut the city down. Trevor please welcome judith heumann. applause thank you so much for being here. Can i just say reading this book, i expected to be impressed by it but i wasnt quite expected for how much of a bad ass you would be. No, because you dont just advocate for human rights and rights for people with disabilities but you fielt for them. You fight for them with a passion. Welcome to the show. Before i get into my first question, i guess what really blew my mind about your story is that i specifically have taken for granted so many things in life that i feel like were always there, ramped, you know, forgetting into stores, you know, ramps that help bem people get into buses when traveling. All measures we put in place to help everybody be part of society. You lived in a world where that wasnt true and you fought to make those changes. What was that world like before the world we live in today . So i grew up in brooklyn, applause and at that time, so i was born in 1947. I had polio in 1949. There were no laws. There were no federal laws that made it illegal to discriminate against many people. Obviously the Civil Rights Act didnt come back in 1964. And as i got older it became a bigger problem because the school in our neighborhood was not accessible. My mother took me to that school, at that time it wasnt accessible. After the laws came into being in 1981 it was renovated and became accessible. But the principal denied me entrance into the school because i couldnt walk. And he said i could be a fire lazard. Trevor as an ablebodied person we take so much things for granted. I call you nondisabled. Trevor i noafer know what term it is because in the book. I call you nondisabled because the likely of your acquiring a disability temporarily or perm innocently is statisticically very high. Trevor did you just threaten me . Yes, definitely. laughter . Trevor it has been 30 years now since the american disabilities act was passed. Many would feel like everything has been done and everyone has access to what they need. What do you still feel needs to be improved specifically in the United States . So i think the United States and around the world, one of the big issues is that people with disabilities need to feel proud of who we are. We need not to be ashamed. We add disabled people as allies , you did some great work with the Mental Health piece did you. Trevor oarks, thank you. That is really i think what the objective is, that we as disabled people need to stand together, speak out against this oppression or discrimination against anyone and that needs to be the perform. And i wanted to also say i live in d. C. And the metro there, some of the most frequent users of the elevators are men and women who have babies and baby carriages, so i think we really need to also look at the kind of accommodations that they receiptically have been made for disabled people. Actually benefit so many other people and people dont even realize why that is. Thats really beautiful. I loved every part of your story because of how fierce it is, because how funny it is, because of how much you learned. I mean i learned about stories in and around the disabilities act. The story of america. And i learned there was once a time in new york when there was no traffic on some streets. So thank you so much for being on the show. I appreciate you so much for being here. Being heumann, a buflt tail of real life is available now, and netflix crip camp. Judith heumann, everybody. Well be right back. Yes yes. Yes. Yeah sure. Yes yes. Yeah, yeah no problem. Yes. Yes, yes a thousand times yes discover. Accepted at over 95 of places in the u. S. Yeah. Yeah. With great deals, get ready to turn your dreams into reality. Right now, save big with an incredible deal on the toyota of your dreams. Offers end march 31st. To learn more about all our great deals, visit toyota. Com. Ready, set, go get your toyota today. Toyota. Lets go places. The most reliableou are, xfinwireless network you to connect you with those who matter most. Thats because its the network that gives you the best coverage and more flexible data that you can share, mix with unlimited and switch at any time. Youll save up to 400 a year on your wireless bill. Plus, get 300 off when you buy a new Samsung Galaxy s20 ultra. Xfinity mobile. Click, call or visit a store today. Did you switch my service from verizon to tmobile . Yep, tmobile has the only nationwide 5g. Lets see if you right about that . [phone ringing] mama . It works at the aquarium. In the parking garage. At the beach. It works in the Movie Theater too. [shhh]. Oh shoosh yourself, im talking to my baby, [phone ringing] mama . 5g it works in the club. Who you in the club with . Tell mama. All about it. Tell mama. Trevor thats our show for tonight, thank you for tuning in. Lights out with david spade is coming up next so stay tuned. But first here it is, your moment of zen. First keep your hands clean. Today, start working on not touching your face because the virus is spread when you touch your own mou
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