I heard that you were the one responsible for making tad lose the race. Thanks. Yeah, well, he really flipped when he saw these. Uhhhgg. Start the reactor. Talking away i dont know what im to say ill say it anyway todays another day to find you from comedy centrals world news headquarters, this is the daily show with trevor noah cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for coming out wow lets do it lets make a show im trevor noah our guest tonight is a deejay and a producer from a Little Country called south africa, black coffee is joining us, everybody cheers and applause going to be a fun conversation. Also on tonights show, trumps plan in the middle east backfires, neil brennan explains how to take america back, and we find out which profession has the most sex. Lets catch up on todays headlines. Lets begin in the world of man on this running. Most just run so they can brag to their friends about running marathons. Though thats not why i run them. I do it for the tiny cups of water. Anyway, one man ran straight into the record books. In Vienna Austria a runner from kenya made history going the distance for two hours for the first time. 59 minutes and 40 seconds but it wont be counted as a new world record because it wasnt an official race. All of it stage nangd forensic detail, a special chosen flat six mile circuit in vienna. The runner wore white nyc vapor flies and there were three dozen pacers, some of the worlds best marathoners who took turns pounding the grueling pace in formation. Trevor wow, that is amazing. Elliott ran a marathon in less than two hours, which was thought to be physically impossible. You know this guys a freak athlete because he kept running after he crossed the finish line. That wasnt safe. Usually after they finish the marathon, theyre like, i did it and this guy is, like, good warm up now for the race laughter i love how some people are saying the only reason he broke this record is he had on special nike running shoes. Why dont you get the shoes and tell me how fast your time is. Well wait. Go get the shoes. applause cant give the shoes the credit. If anything, him being kenyon is the cheating part. Thats being fair. Hes more, like, oh, my god were in kenya, were going to win moving on, having a baby changes your life. You have to take care of it for 18 years orin till maury tells you youre not the father. And great amounts of paperwork. Bringing home baby can be overwhelm bug now expectant couples are creating baby prenups or contracts to help ease the stress. A baby prenup is made between two parents where they know what their roles will look like, what their duties will be like once the baby arrives so theres no surprises. We signed the documents with some witnesses. We included grandchild and grandparent access as well as financial implications. Trevor yes, the newest fad in white people child rearing is baby prenups. laughter and look, im just going to put it out there. If you need your partner to sign a prenup that theyre going to help you raise the kid, maybe you dont want to raise the kid with that person because how are you going to enforce that . Youre going to come home, hey, did you feed the kid . No, then ill see you in court its too stressful to become friends with couples with waibies. First showers, then gender reveal parties, now ive got to be a witness to your prenup signing . If i wanted to be this big a part of your babys life, i should have a say in which you should have one. Hey, trevor, should we have a baby . I have a career right now, i cant be friends with people with babies, sorry. Babies should sign prenups. They should make guarantees. Before they come out, they should put in writing what they will or wont do. You only kree between 4 00 and 5 00 a. M. , not the whole night. You will only shit yourself this many times in a day. It would be greatto a contract. When the baby is losing its mind at 2 00 a. M. , it within like waaawaaa heres the contract. laughter guess whos having a field day in the sheets. Farmers have the most sex of any other profession, on average having sex at least once a day. 67 of them rate their performance as incredible. Sex experts say its because farmers are likely to be more fit than deskbound city dwellers and have more stamina. Farmers were closely followed by architects and hair dressers for having the most sex. At the bottom of the list, journalists. audience reacts applause trevor yeah, thats right. Apparently, of all the professions, farmers have the most sex, and journalists have the least. Which doesnt shock me, all right. In this era, journalists dont have time to be having sex because trump is always breaking news. I bet every time journalists try and set the mood, they will be at home lighting candles, baby, its time i have been likely trying to build this wall goddam it, he did it again laughter as for the farmers, of course, they have a lot of sex. Farming is a sexy profession. All day long what do they do plowing, huh . Planting seeds, growing eggplants. laughter watering vagina trees. Yeah. laughter although they didnt say farmers were having sex with people. They just said they had the most sex. All im saying the scarecrows dont need to have mouths. Thats all im saying. Thats it for the headlines. Lets move on to our top story. cheers and applause its now been three weeks since the democrats began an official impeachment inquiry into President Trumps dealings with ukraine, and since then things isnt only gotten worse for trump, theyve gotten worse for Rudy Giuliani, trumps personal attorney and man who celebrates halloween all year around because, since the scandal broke, Law Enforcement has started looking into rudys world, and turns out some his acquaintances are really shady. Good evening, everyone, the arrests of two associates of trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani on Campaign Finance violations may be shedding new light tonight on foreign efforts to influence american politics. The two men arrested a at at dus airport for drawing ukraine spool investigating joe biden. Trevor this is crazy, Rudy Giuliani has friends . I didnt see that coming. laughter this is random, but do people who look like criminals become criminals or do people who become criminals start to look like criminals . applause i genuinely wonder that. Because these are the two shadiest looking dudes i have ever seen. Its almost, like, hey, f. B. I. , why did you think these guys are criminals . Uh, basically, we looked at them and thats how we cracked the case. Aside from being born with resting bug shot face, probably the biggest flag for these guys is they were buying a oneway ticket out of the country, always suspicious. The only people who buy oneway tickets are criminals and skydivers, thats it. And it must have been likely embarrassing as well being arrested at an airport in front of all the passengers. The only Silver Lining is if you were arrested and about to fly on spirit airlines. If youre lucky, they are l arrest you at the gate. It turns out their boss has also drawn the attention of the f. B. I. We have breaking news tonight, pertaining to the president s lawyer and sidekick Rudy Giuliani. The feds are investigating whether President Trumps lawyer Rudy Giuliani broke lobbying laws in his dealings in ukraine. The president appearing to distance himself from his own attorney at the white house. inaudible . Well, i dont know, i havent spoken to rude. I spoke to him yesterday briefly. Hes a very good attorney and he has been my attorney trevor whoa, whoa, whoa, wait . I havent spoken to rudy . I spoke to him yesterday . Donald trump is all the over the place. We havent spoken to rudies. We speak to rudies all the time all the time he calls ukraine to get the information. In a normal administration, the impeachment inquiry would be enough drama but the Trump Presidency is a black friday sale. While all this impeachment stuff is tearing america apart, last week he made an adisrupt decision to pull troops from syria. Everyone was slammed. Well now its turns out the thing everyone warned trump would happen is happening. This morning chaos in syria as President Trump orders all remaining u. S. Forces to leave the north of the country. Turkish forces hammering americas kurdish allies with the help of radical militias. Ease cay light violence forcing 100,000 people from their homes. Turkeys artillery exploding 250 yards from an American Special forces post on the border. It appears turkey used alleged terrorists as shock troops against u. S. Allies the kurds unthey will collapsed and that did to call on president assad to be their savior. Amid this chaos, i. S. I. S. Is trying to regroup. Hundreds of i. S. I. S. Members and supporters have broken free of detention camp. Trevor sweet jesus. Donald trump is the only way to find a person is the only person who can find a way to make the middle east more chaotic. The middle east was already a geopolitical jen cay tower with everybody trying to figure out the right move and trump comes in and says, why dont we move the whole table . Trump justified his decision to pull out of syria by saying this is part of his larger plan to bring american troops back home. And that makes sense. What doesnt make sense is that home seems to be another country in the middle east. As u. S. Troops have been pulled back from the border area of northern syria, President Trump is sending an additional 2800 americans to saudi arabia. The pentagon deploying fighter squadrons and two patriot batteries and other aircraft to bolster saudi defenses, in response to last months attacks on Saudi Oil Facilities the white house blamed on iran. We are sending troops and other things to the middle east to help saudi arabia, but are you ready . Saudi arabia, at my ask has agreed to pay us for everything were doing. Thats a first trevor yeah. Yeah, hes right. That is a first. I dont think america has ever rented out its military before. Like, that is a wild thing. Hes selling the military and other things. What are the other things . Does anybody ask . Did he, like, sneak eric into the shipment . Hes, like, you take this and eric dad, why am i shut up, eric, go now laughter if i was mexico, i would raise a bunch of money and hire america to do a do coo on itself. Mr. President , our military is taking over the white house i know it and whos going to pay for it . Mexico cheers and applause so trump says hes done with the middle east but in the same breath he says hes sending new troops to the middle east which is really confusing. To clear things up, we go to senior war correspondent reporting live from the middle east, desi lydic, everybody cheers and applause desi, this administration seems to have mixed messages about americas role in the middle east. Theres only one messagively getting trevor and its dear world, america first, prayer hands emoji, bald eagle emoji, america. President trump is just fulfilling his promise to pull troops out of the middle east. You know what . Its refreshing. A lot of men say theyll pull out but they dont fool me once, shame on you. Fool me seven times, i have seven kids now. Trevor but desi, even though this is one of trumps promises, you have to admit his decision has turned the middle east into a total shit show. Trevor, the middle east has always been a shit show. Its like a waffle house after 1 00 a. M. Its not americas job to get involved. You have the kurds, the turks. Its such a nuanced, so complicated situation. Its not something america can solve. Trevor but if thats americas position, why send thousands of troops to saudi arabia . Because, trevor, its the middle east. Its americas job to get involved yeah, it has so much potential. Like a waffle house at 8 00 a. M. You have sunni muslims fighting, shia muslims. Its a very nuanced, complicated situation that only america can solve. Trevor desi, it seems to me like trump is simultaneously pushing isolationists and interventionist policies in the middle east. What . No no, no, no, no, no thats crazy its like being a person thats black and white at the same time. Its impossible trevor well, actually, thats not impossible, desi. See, trevor, heres what you need to understand trump promised to get america out of the middle east, which hes done in syria, and, now, by going into saudi arabia, he has another opportunity to pull americas troops out of the middle east, delivering on his promise twice because you cant pull them out if you dont keep thrusting them back in again and again and again and again and again trevor thank you, desi. And again and trevor desi lydic, everyone, well be right back cheers and applause it still doesnt make sense. Halloween is awesome. [trick or treat] yes, yes, yes, yes. [screaming in fear] yay. [laughter] yes thank you. The amazing new iphone has arrived. And so has tmobiles newest signal. No signal goes farther or is more reliable. So you can get more out of the new iphone. Better battery life, new ultrawide camera, now on a network that goes farther than ever. And right now, switch at a tmobile store and get the new iphone on us thats right, the new iphone on us only at tmobile. Trevor beck welcome back to the daily show. Donald j. Trump has shaken washington to its core by refusing to recognize the power of congress to impeach him. Donald trump has the confidence of a white woman pulled over by the cops. Maam, i need to see your license. Well, i need so see you get out of my face and give me your badge number, mister laughter the question, is why does the president think he can get away with this . cheers and applause everyones perplexed. Why doesnt trump seem to respect any of americas institutions . Ill tell you why, buddy, because trump doesnt think he got elected. Trump thinks he bought america, and now our whole country is just some business he owns. Its why he doesnt understand all these investigations. Imagine if you bought a quiznos, then a week later find out youre being impeached by the guy who spreads the mayonnaise. laughter trevor come on, i know trump is extreme, but theres no way he thinks you can buy a country. Dude, he tried to buy greenland eight weeks ago, and it wasnt even for sale cheers and applause hes just so out of his mind that he looks at the globe the way the rest of us look at zillow. Im telling you, trump doesnt think he works for america. He thinks he owns it. Listen to how he talks. My generals and my military my economy is phenomenal. And i told my guys at n. A. S. A. All i know is i want to put my miners back to work. I love my farmers. Look at my africanamerican over here, look at him audience reacts wow the last president to say look at my africanamerican was Thomas Jefferson on a date. audience reacts laughter trevor okay, so trump thinks he bought america, and that explains all of his behavior . Now youre getting it, my africanamerican. Trevor im just african. But yeah. Trevor, trump thinks everyone in the country works for him. Its why hes sending his attorney general around the world to focus on his personal vendettas. Trump thinks the attorney general is general hi generas attorney. I bet when he met the secretary of transportation he said, you call my ubers . laughter trevor it doesnt explain his advice on turkey and syria. It completely explains it. From trumps point of view, why is my military in syria . Im not in syria. Im in america. And thats where we want the military, in america doing two things, having big beautiful parade and block mexicans and the border like a camouflaged hodor. laughter trevor so this is how trump sees everything . Yeah, man its why he hates the press so much. Hes, like, why is the White House Press corps talking shit about the white house . To him, its a betrayal. It would be like if you hired a deejay for your wedding and when you and your wife came in, hes like, chris and jennifer, probably not going to make it 18 months tops laughter trevor all right, so, if trump thinks he bought america, is there anything the people can do . Yes. But well have to turn to americas most reliable institution kickstarter. laughter we pool our money and buy america back from donald trump. Trevor dude, that is going to cost like that is so much money. How do people afford that . applause heres the good news, buddy, if america truly is a trump property, eventually its going to plummet in value and we can buy it back for pennies on the dollar. Bad news, theres going to be k. F. C. Buckets and spray tan juice everywhere. Trevor neil brennan, everybody well be right back cheers and app the proud son of an immigrant father. Jon hernandez found his own path. Through a field of smoke. Jon found his fighting spirit in one of the most dangerous jobs in the world. A job few are willing to do. Modelo. Brewed for those with a fighting spirit. The ffor a chip so iconic,ssage. We dont need to name it. No logos, no gimmicks. Just those red and blue bags with the stuff you love in it. Man you know the brand. Its the threesided crunch. That had you trade your buddies for it, if they packed a pack at lunch. No logo, but our names on the tip of your tongue. 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Our camera traps allow us to have and eye in the mountains, taking thousands of pictures. Microsoft ai scans through all these images, and separates Snow Leopards from everything else, in ten minutes instead of ten days. It gives us time to do better research, and save this threatened species. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a music producer and deejay from south africa who has a new single out with usher called la la la. Please welcome black coffee cheers and applause thank you. Trevor deejay black coffee. Yes, sir. Trevor welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. Trevor you know what . Its truly, truly, truly one of my pleasures to have you on the show because you have taken the world by storm. I remember when you first blew up in south africa, everyone was black coffee, black coffee, black coffee, black coffee and i was, like, who is he . Is it a cough a, a new drink . Theyre going, no, hes a deejay and hes huge. Then you went from south africa and you went into the world and youve taken it by storm. Why do you think you have blown up as much as you have all over the world . Man, its resilience, you know, its knowing hunger and knowing that you have experienced it and you dont want to go back there. Trevor wow. And that is what has kept me going, that has what has gotten me to where i am today. Trevor i remember at coachella, i was so excited when i saw your name on the list of artists performing. We went to the tent you were playing in and the whole tent was i mean, you had like a thousand people bouncing together. It was africa in the middle of california, black, white, everyone dancing to your music. Thats what i love. Trevor no, it was really beautiful. Youve done something really special for me, though, my opinion, and that is you have taken the success of your music and used it to inspire a new generation in south africa. You started a project where you are building a school but, i think more impressive, you are building a neighborhood. Yeah. Trevor what is that about and why . We tried to change the narrative on the continent where maybe it is our fault where we always are seeing africa as an inferior place. All the best things are on tv, which means that were here in america or in europe. Trevor right. And it took away so much from the continent, and were trying to reverse that and create a space in africa that will inspire africans to want to stained create a future cheers and applause trevor right. Thats powerful. You have this initiative, and its called africa is not a jungle. Yeah. Trevor what i love about it is you say its about africans creating for africans and not always looking to europe to create for them. Yes, sir. Trevor what do you hope to achieve with the music around the world . Because ive always been intrigued by the message you have when youre playing your music. We see you collaborating with people like drake, we see people like usher. We see artists who you wouldnt even associate with this genre saying, no, i love black coffee because of his message and how it pertains to music as an art form. What are you trying to accomplish all over the world with your music . Africa is a voice and, over the years, i feel like that voice has diminished because of how the world has painted the continent. You know, one of the things that used to happen to me when i get bookings back in the day, they would want to put bongos and african masks on the flier, because i am from africa. Trevor right, we all wear masks and have bongos. laughter its something we real will you fought for from the beginning saying we want to play on the global stage. Trevor right. You can you know, which is what youre doing. Trevor right, right, right. I would like pore the world to see that voice, i would like for the world to know that we are capable to be on the world stage. This is why i continue to try to collaborate with the greatest artists, being from africa and still keeping the sound that i believe in. Trevor right. Because we have that voice. You know, so im trying to create different platforms that will showcase that, not just conversations but with action. Trevor youre doing it every single day, my friend. Thank you so much for being on the know the daily show. The single la la la with usher is available now. You will want to follow this man black coffee, everybody. Well be right back cheers and applause you need to take care of yourself better. I didnt know you cared. I just dont want you to drop dead in front of the customers. I thought we could go for a walk together. To be honest youre not really not my type. Are elves always so cynical . These are dark times. Last christmas i got really ill. So, ah tell me about your diet. Alcohol . Once in a while. Shes drinking like the pirate. Im a mess. I cant do anything. Being human is hard. Just be you. [ screaming ] i did that just incase you thought i was too perfect. Cmom and say it now. Just let the words come out. Give me your love. No calories. No sweeteners. All smiles™. Bubly sparkling water. Crack a smile™. [ ty ing ] herebuy a bunch of reeses. Ck. uh huh, there you go turn off all the lights in your house. yeah yeah trick or treat and then just dont answer the door. Not sorry, reeses. Trevor thats our show for tonight. Dont forget, tomorrow night, the daily show is going live for the democratic primary debates. You want to tune in right after the debate. We will be live. Now here it is, your moment of zen