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cheers and applause . Trevor welcome, everybody, welcome. Thank you for tuning in. Welcome to the daily show. I am trevor noah. Thank you so much, take a seat, wow, you are amazing, teak a seat, take a seat, tack a seat. Tonights guest producer dj steve aoki is joining us, everybody. But first, but first breaking news about the future of human communication. U. S. A. Today says brace your phones, 157 new emojis are coming this year. The new emojis include new hair styles for men and women. There are also new foods including a bagel, cupcake, lettuce and salt. They already added the bacon last time around and new animals like a hypo, kangaroo, llama and peacock. There will also be a lobster emoji. Trevor finally finally. What is all these new emojis can i text the story that time the lobster gave me a terrible hair quut, yes. This is fun. Mi always excited when we get new emojis but i will say this, 157 new emojis . Like how long is it going to take to scroll through all those screens now . Like im just like doing all of this just to find the eggplant, you know . There by the time i find it whole foods will be out of eggplant, come on, people. Text them to give me eggplant. Im just saying at some point you have to make room. You get rid of the old ones to get to the new ones quicker. I think there are plenty of emojis that can go, like the number emojis, those are use its, we have numbers, just type the number. And the fax machine emoji, why are you faxing me emojis . If you are old enough to remember a fax machine you probably not us emojis get the fax out of here, man, and the bulgarian flag, who uses that, just use the hungarian flag, no one will nghts, just get rid of the hungarian flag as well, all of them, gone. And most important, most important, just get rid of that moon with the creepy face, im sorry what is that, like tell me that doesnt make you uncomfortable. Like do it now with my face, if i did that to you now, if i did the same thing, get in, make like a moon. Yeah, you like that . You are not going to sleep after, this you realize that. That is kreapy, man, look at that, what if i was outside your winnow right now. Okay, now im going to have nightmares, zoom out, zoom out. Now look, originally i had planned to do todays entire show on emojis because as a millenial i think this is i hashtag major issue. But we cant, because there is so much news going on today, maybe even too much news. But too much news is just the right amount of news for a segment called, aint nobody got time for that. applause first up the rising star in the gop whose currently running for congress in illinois. Well, not running so much as goosestepping. Do you call yourself a nazi. I did have i dont call myself a nazi. I call myself an American Patriot and statesman. Let me give our viewers some details about this. Just soo they can decide for themselves you have been part of antisemitic groups since 1970s, you go to neonazi rallies we have pictures of you there. You were part of the white preems party. You dressed in nazi garb and you sell brait hitlers birthday. You are a nazi. applause . Trevor oh man, i love that, she read that off like she was announcing his 23 and me results. You are a nazi. laughter like that could have been a scene out of the shortest detective story ever. You know. Sher lock holmes and the obvious nazi. Like someone in this room is a nazi. Oh, who could it be, sher lock . It is you. Oh, its always me, mein bad. Now fortunately this guy las no chance of winning his heavily democratic district so we dont have to worry about laiferg a white supremacist in the government because that would suck. So we dont have to worry about this guy. Then we dont have time to worry about him anyway because there is big news from capitol hill. The government is making money moves. Im pleased to announce that we have reached a two year budget deal. The senate deal would add hundreds of billions of dollars in military and domestic spending. It also funds Disaster Relief for areas devastated by last years hurricanes and wildfires and extensed the Childrens Health insurance program. This bill is the product of extensive negotiations. laughter . Trevor the way Mitch Mcconnell giggled made it sound like something romantic happened, weve had extensive negotiations. It was very push and pull, get it . Get it. Im talking about banking, get it . But this is, this is big news. Democrat chuck and republican mitch have made an agreement to keep the government open. And its so cute to see them getting along, you know . Its like one of those videos where a goat and a chicken become friends. Although in this case i get its like geppeto and your grandmas oldest pair of panties. You know what is great about that joke is you dont know who is who. So Senate Leaders have reached a deal but the house isnt happy with it. There is bipartisan trouble in the house where democrats want a commitment for a vote to protect the undocumented immigrants without came to the u. S. As children. The hows top democrat nancy pell osi delivering her message in a marathon 8 hour floor speech. Our dreamers hang in limbo with a cold cloud of fear and uncertainty above them. Gop fiscal hawks are outraged that the senate deal will balloon the deficit. This spending bill is a debtjunkies dream. Trevor damn, debt junkie, that say new one. How does that even work. Hey, man, can i borrow 35 trillion, man . I will suck your deficit, baby. But at least that republican was being consistent. Unlike most of his party. Because under president obama republicans spent eight years railing against deficit spending at a time when it could have helped the economy a lot more. But now that he they control uncle sams man purse, all of a sudden they dont seem to irka. They are spending money like a rapper who won powerball. And by the way, nancy pellsoy pelosi, can you give it up, eight hour speech . Eight hour speech. applause and, and she was wearing heels, eight hours in heels. applause that is like Binge Watching the whole first season of the wire on your tippy toes, like when is omar coming like there is so much we could unpack from Nancy Pelosis speech but the truth is we dont have the time. Because while congress is talking, the russians are doing. A Senior Intelligence official with direct knowledge of the top secret report says several states have their voting Registration System successfully compromised by the russian government. I cant talk about classified information publicly. We saw targeting of 21 states and an exceptionally small number, about 21 were actually successfully penetrated. Trevor wait, wait, did she just say yes, the russians hacked americas voting roles but in an exceptionally small number of states. She delivered that line like it was supposed to sound comforting. Like a doctor saying good news, brian, you have an exceptionally small number of tumors in your brain, oh good, wait, what . Like the only thing that should concern you more than the russian successfully hacking voter rolls is the lack of concern from secretary of state rex tillerson. Is the u. S. Better prepared this time around since 2016. I dont know if i would say were better prepared because the russians will adapt as well. If it is their intention to interfere, theyre going to find ways to do that. And we can take steps, we can take but this is something that once they decide theyre going to do it it is very difficult to preevment it. Preem it. It is so weird to hear such a bad ass voice say such a wimpy thing. Like go ahead, punk. [bleep] my wife. Nothing can i do about it. Like im sorry, this his response is mind bog elling. There is a good chance the russians will interfere in americas Upcoming Elections and the secretary of state is like dont hate the player. I pleen what are you going to do. Its mind boggling. Look, maybe Trump Administration isnt addressing russia more forcefully because theyre protecting the president s ego which is more unstable than the back of his hair. We dont know. Or, or maybe they just dont have time to deal with russia. And frankly neither do we. Because today the thing weve got to talk about is this. White house staff secretary rob porter resigned today after his twoexwifes came forward to the daily mail website with disturbing allegations of verbal and physical abuse. Shared photos with the internet website showing what her face looked like after she allegedly punched her while on vacation. We learned that john kelly knew about these allegations for months. And apparently did nothing about them. Trevor every time i think ive reached the highest level of disguest disgust with this Administration Im right but then they invent another level. Cuz i mean like i dont know, i missed the days when white house staffers got fired for fun stuff, spicey korcht talker the mooch couldnt shut up, steve bannon couldnt shower. But im sorry, this story hit me hard because not only did the white house have a domestic abuser in its midst, a lot of the people there, especially chief of staff, an alleged adult in the room, john kelly just ignored it for months. And with the job porter had, there is no reason that they couldnt get somebody else. The role of staff secretary is one of the most important jobs in the white house. 4e oversee every piece of paper that lands on the president s desk from articles to classified briefing material. Trevor you oversee every piece of paper that lands on trumps desk . You mean this desk . Oh. Tough job. Trumps desk is balder than his head, people. Im never going get over that, i will just keep on showing it to you. Like what happened there. What was that . It was like an alien when the thing does that thing. Like im sorry, man, if your job is to bring Reading Materials to a guy without doesnt read, then thats not much of a job. Yeah its like being Kevin Spaceys agent, yep, still no calls, nothing. Yep, honestly it seems like every day now someone else is leaving the Trump Administration, they either mistreated women or they were too racist or too crazy or just completely unqualified. Fortunately there is one job in government where none of that seems to matter, well be right back. H r block will file your 1040ez for free. What . You know thats not your line, right . Did you know that h r block will file your 1040ez for free . Uhh, yeah. The line is. My job is done here. Thank you. Pro tax prep for free. Get your taxes won. A small town in the heart of tennessee. Where families and neighbors Work Together to make every drop of our whiskey. If you cant get here, just look for one of our postcards. We send them all over. They look like this. We send them all over. Especially when inside another amazing machine. Your an amazing machine. The lexus es. With Standard Technology like lexus Safety System plus. The lexus es, and es hybrid. Experience amazing at your lexus dealer. New aveeno® positively radiant its timbody lotion. Glow on with the moisturerich power of soy. It transforms dull, dry skin to leave you glowing. New positively radiant® body collection from aveeno®. Burned me up and down, shno way to cool it. Every time you kiss me its like sunshine and whiskey applebees handcrafted burgers. Any burger just 7. 99. Now thats eatin good in the neighborhood. Trevor welcome back to the daily show. It is february, it is february which is black history month. And were celebrating all month with roy wood, jr. Honoring the Unsung Heroes of black history in cp time. Welcome to cp time. The only show that is for the culture. Today we look back at legendary black politicians. John lewis, shirley chisolm, barack obama, just a few of the icons we wont be talking about today. Instead we look at those whose achievements are a little less appreciated by history. Lets start with president ial candidate herrmann cain, a businessman with a colorful personality and zero knowledge of world affairs. When they asked me who the president of uzbeki beckistan stan, i dont know do you know. And trying to get collected i will speaking gibberish. In fact, if not for herrmann cain, black men wouldnt be able to get on tv today wearing a cowboy hat while talking out the side of thaifer face. Get a pitchfork and torch time in america. Lets turn our attention to congressman robert smalls, a civil war hero who escaped slavery by stealing a confederate ship. Some say that quawl him as being ksh qualified him as being off the chain. Moving on. Turn our attention to alan keyes, another republican and legendary politician. Keyes ran for National Office in 1988, 92y, 96, 2,000, 2004 and 2008. All he do is louis. Like is lose, the brother had determine nation. I would be erm bar rased if i lost six national elections. Im embarrassed just walking through joann fabric, i go at night. And finally no discussion on black politicians would be complete without marion barrie. Barrie was elected mayor of washington d. C. In 1979. Was he a good mayor, was he a bad mayor, nobody would ever truly know. All we do remember is that the man smoked the crack. Thats right. In 1990 mayor barrie was arrested in a sting operation and caught on video smoking crack cocaine. He said he did drugs offer the street. It is our own damn fault for asking him how. The city fore gave him and he was releched with Approval Ratings as high as he was. The country was shocked. Especially alan keyes. He was all ang reesm he was like what the [bleep] do i have to do to get elected. Hes smoking crack over there. Then he went on to have but if voters dont have a problem with you smoking crack, you basically have full immunity. Thats why when i started this job, i showed up two weeks late, now nobody cares that i walk around the office in a night gown. They admire the handi work. I am roy wood, jr. This has been cp time. And remember, before the culture, check out my incity page purchase your civil rights night gown, see you next time. applause . Trevor roy wood, jr. , everyone, well be right back. grunt what . . Wait first theyre sour. Then theyre sweet. For me . Sour patch kids. Sour. Sweet. Gone. Royal caribbeans wow sale get 30 off every guest. And up to 300 to spend at sea. But hurry. This limitedtime offer ends sunday. Come seek the royal caribbean. Book your caribbean adventure now. I used them last year. Im sorry to hear that. You know h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. Good to know. Youre all set. Thank you. You must take your taxes pretty seriously. Im a serious guy, margaret. Okay, lets do this now huh, for real. Unlike turbotax, h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. A more free way to file. Get your taxes won. Heads up, lets go, heads up go. Yes go. Yes nice play. Still buffering. Mine too. What happened . Hey, joy, you should let your new pals know that according to a leading independent study, the most awarded network is now best in streaming. I think you just did. You both can get a much better view of the game on the iphone on verizon unlimited. Thanks. Thanks. Hey, thomas, whens your flight . gasps someone stole my watch. Hey vo unlimited is only as good as the network its on. So get the best unlimited on the most awarded network. And right now, when you buy iphone 8, youll get one on us. [ice rustling] missy elliot get ur freak on Morgan Freeman new mountain dew ice. A clear, refreshing lemonlime dew. applause . Trevor welcome back. Our guest tonight is a Grammy Nominated producer and dj whose currently on tour for his latest album kolony. Please welcome steve aoki. applause welcome to the show. Im happy to be here. Trevor so good to have you here. I see you everywhere in the world traveling all the time. Is it true that you are considered probably one of the most traveled musicians in the world . I definitely feel that way. I mean i literally just landed from germany and i have only been here a couple of hours and it is how it is. Every day im flying off somewhere else. In germany you also werent just flying, you went to germany to do a zero graferrity set. Exactly. First ever dj set in zero gravity. Trevor why . Mind bog elling. Why not, why not. Trevor explain that. How are you in zero gravity. You know those planes that do this. Trevor . And then yeah, you have so you float. You float in the air and the whole time there is a full on party in the airplane, im djing. I got dj rig up there. And there is like 50 lucky people, i dont know if they are lucky but 50 people stuck in there with me. And he just raged. Trevor but how do you dance when you are floating, like how do you ground yourself or you just do it in the air. I have never danced in the air before, i dont foa. You get 22 seconds to float. And then all of a sudden boom, i remember i was sitting on the ceiling thinking i was on the floor and then you going to drop and all of a sudden the gravity hits me and im like falling through the plane and i like, you know, i ducked and it is padded everywhere. And i got back up and the next song, were about to gup. And mixing the next song, get down, lay down and then theyre like, injection time and all of a sudden i start floating. Trevor this is how every single day should be in our lives. Just like, that sounds amazing. You dont just dj in zero graift. You are embarking on a tour right now. You are really go on extensive tours, 250 dates. Yeah, about 250 shows around the world. But. Trevor how do you get this big. I want to know that. The music itself is international. So people are just humming to the beated. I could be playing in romania, in japan n australia. It doesnt matter if its spoke then english or if it is not. Trevor 23 most people were djs as successful as steve a aoki they would live in vegas, party all day, ride in zero gravity and not care about anybody else but you do a lot for other people, i was surprised to find that out about you as a human being. You have a fowrn daition and you take, for instance, a dollar out of every ticket you sell on tour which is a lot of particulars and you have a foundation that works on many things including fighting degenerative brain continues conditions. You help with Disaster Relief. The why of is seems obvious but why was it important for snu. I have a platform and im talking to a lot of people through my music. But there is Nothing Better than to help people, you know. applause everyone has the opportunity to help. Trevor. So this is my way of not only helping but informing the people that come to my shows, you know, what i am working on. And im lucky enough to be sitting in with some of the scientists that were raising money towards. Some of the researchers doing incredible discoveries and development in brain degenerative science or scienceleading that hopefully can eradicate all brain illses and open up our brain to more creativity. It is incredible information. So i love to be able to bring that back to my constituents. To my people, people that party with me. And it is really exciting stuff. I like the idea that you have your policies before, you are up there, before the music, im going to be doing this for the brain and were going to help Disaster Relief and thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you, man. Kolony u. S. Tour kicks off, if you would like tickets go to steve aoki. Domcom. Steve aoki, everybody. I was in my third tour in iraq when my vehicle was hit by an ied. I looked down and i knew i was out of the fight. But playing for team usa has been a Second Chance to represent my country. I get to show my children and the world that, yeah, i might have been knocked down, but im up, and im honored to be able to represent the flag. Comcast is grateful to all who have served our country, and were proud to bring the 2018 olympic and Paralympic Winter Games home to everyone. Media access group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org that is our show for tonight, stay tuned for the opposition with Jordan Klepper coming up next am but first, here it is,

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