What . [phyllis gasps, drops box] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor thank you so much thank you, everybody and welcome to the daily show im trevor noah our guest tonight fox business anchor liz claman is joining us, everybody. Its going to be a fun show. First, if you are a patriots fan who thought they got robbed at the super bowl, well, ive got more bad news. Police are investigating a a burglary at the foxboro massachusetts home of patriots tight end rob gonkowski. Rob returned home yesterday. Police say items were stolen from the home when he was at the super bowl. Theyve not yet said what was taken. Trevor the police have not said what was taken but its gronk so i can only imagine they got his jagermeister and axe body spray, and helped themselves to his favorite snacks. So disappointed. What kind of asshole would steal from gronk . Hes super chilled and fun. I wouldnt be shocked if he got home and his friends were, like, oh, no, you have been robbed hes, like, i have been robbed my whole life, whoo cheers and applause obviously, i really hope they catch the thieves, but we also have to consider that theres at least a 30 chance gronk just went to the wrong house. laughter somebody stole all my shit and replaced it with other shit laughter mr. Gronkowski, youre still in minnesota. They moved my house to minnesota . you know what . Leave it. laughter but lets move on to our top story tonight. Although, you know what . Can i be honest with you guys . Yeah trevor my ties are just clipons. See . Ill also be honest. I dont know what a clipon tie is. Heres what i was going to say. There really isnt a top story today which is kind of nice because the news can be overwhelming, right . You know, sometimes like its either a government shutdown, sexual abuse scandal, natural disasters or little rocket man and his orange nemesis threatening to blow up the world. All the stress makes my ebola flare up, you know . laughter i have to say today is relatively chilled. Its nice to have a moment to breathe and enjoy the news that doesnt make us freak out. All right, because there is a rocket in the news today but for once good news. In florida a pictureperfect rocket launch a short time ago at cape canaveral. Spacexs big new rocket fired off. The most powerful rocket to successfully launch since saturn 5. While the rocket is unmanned, there is precious cargo aboard. Elon muses cherry red roadster complete with a dummy whined the wheel. Im really excited. This is a moment i have been waiting for a long time. Trevor when elon musk wasle eight years old he said, when i grow up, i want to send a giant triple penis into space laughter not a normal one either. This went into space with a sports car inside it. Like the aliens will see this and be, really . A sports car inside a rocket . Someones overcompensating. laughter give it up for elon musk, man, spacex cheers and applause this man is doing amazing things. But whatever we do, weve got to make sure he does not lose an eye because thats how he becomes a super villain, people. Keep him safe laughter what else im excited about the Winter Olympics coming up on friday. Thats going to be fun. applause they Just Announced the Olympic Village will be stocked with 110,000 condoms. laughter now, i dont know why winter athletes need so many condoms. I mean, their outfits are already made out of latex. You dont need a condom. You are a condom. But, still, use condoms. Use condoms. And olympians face nongentleybased threats. 21 olympic venues and facilities are closely monitored at this command center. The 60,000 person olympic Security Force is about twice that deployed during the summer olympics in rio. That force includes south Korean Marines. Trevor damn south koreas not messing around these guys look like theyre ready for any type of terrorist. The skiing terrorists, army tank terrorists. Window cleaning terrorists. Yeah, theyll stop them all unless the terrorists have scissors and those guys are screwed. Ha ha no laughter maybe this is a cultural thing, but i dont really understand some of the training that the Korean Marines have to do. That force includes south Korean Marines who have been testing their tolerance for the cold and snow in the mountains of pyongyang. At first glance portions of the training drill appear to be a lot of grown men playing in the snow. The objective of this challenge, to steal their opponents hats, rendering the other side even more exposed to the elements than they already were. Trevor okay. Somehow that explanation made me even more confused. laughter theyre train big stealing each others hats . How is that going to stop a terrorist attack . Hes got a gun quick somebody take his hat and then hell catch a cold eventually. laughter oh, and by the way, if these are the guys protecting the olympics, youre going to get people just pretending to be terrorists. Look at that guy. It will be, like, look out, ive got a bomb you going to stop me with those big arms . Look at that guy. You might want to make it 112,000 condoms yeah now, it is good that the koreans are protecting athletes and the fans, but for the city of pong chang itself, the biggest threat may be after the games are long gone. Most to have the facilities built in rio for the summer games less than two years ago are already abandoned and rotting. The only thing swimming in the Aquatic Center in athens are frogs. Beijings rowing and kayaking course is bone dry and the famed birds nest stadium has been used most often as a nearly halfbilliondollar track for tourists on segues. Trevor if theres one thing i dont like about the olympics, its the fact many cities are hurt financially about hosting the games. They host it, theres a bunch of money they spend building stuff theyll never use again. If my mom ran the olympics, they would make them guy stadiums one size bigger to grow into it. laughter or better idea, why dont the olympics tailor the events to things city needs. No one needs bob swledding, so lets get competitive road paving instead. Fix the place up. Forget half pipe. I want to see men lay actual pipe. Make it 113,000 condoms. After youre done with the construction, have the curlers come in to sweep up. Theyre already got the job. laughter lets move observe to the exact opposite of world class athletics. Donald trump. laughter this is chill. But yesterday at a speech in ohio he took a moment to complain about the democrats who didnt clap for him during the state of the union. You have the other side even on positive news, really positive news like that, they were, like, death. Somebody is treasonous. I mean, yeah, i guess. Why not . Can we call that treason . Why not . laughter trevor im so shocked that the president really will repeat anything someone random in a crowd shouts at him. Like treason is not typically prosecuted in a call and response fashion. Even if you said treason to a parrot the bird wouldbe, like, arrr im not saying that. Thats a serious charge. Polydoesnt say cracker anymore. Im woke laughter applause this is a random person shouting. I wonder if the thats how we could get trump to support better causes. Just go to his rallies and yell things out. Whoo, trump black lives matter he would be like, yeah, maybe even more than white lives. You never know. You never know. laughter for some reason, people with a hard on for democracy didnt like the president casually accusing his political opponents of treason which is why sara came out and said. He celebrated accomplishments like last year that helped all americans. Trevor yeah, lighten up, the president was joking about treason, like about obama helping i. S. I. S. Or when he joked about how the russians should ac hillarys emails or when he said police should rough up people in custody. Oh, protect and serve. Whatever. laughter now, those may not seem that funny, but maybe we just have to see trumps jokes in the right setting. Did anybody happen to see the state of the Union Address . What . Okay. Youre up there, youve got half the room going totally crazy wild, and you have the other side, they were, like, death, and unamerican. Unamerican. Somebodys a treasonous somebody said treasonous. Yeah, i guess. Why not . When you see these thugs being thrown into the back of a patty wagon, you just see them thrown in, rough, i said, please dont be too nice. laughter president obama, he is the founder of i. S. I. S. Hes the founder of i. S. I. S. , okay . Hes the founder he founded i. S. I. S. I dont kid. I dont kid. Trevor turns out, hes just in the wrong place. Well be right back. cheers and applause h r block will file your 1040ez for free. What . You know thats not your line, right . Did you know that h r block will file your 1040ez for free . Uhh, yeah. The line is. My job is done here. Thank you. Pro tax prep for free. Get your taxes won. Pain from a headache whcan make this. Ld,. Feel like this. Allinone cold symptom relief from tylenol®, the 1 doctor recommended pain relief brand. Tylenol®. Starburst . Juicedratic equation. Super topsecret mathematical formula they keep stored inside a safe. Inside a vault. Inside a volcano. Ohh. Juicedratics. [ female announcer ] starburst. 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After months and months the volatility continues this morning. Why is wall street seemingly so panicked . Omigod, were all going to die no were not. Remember the rules. No panicking. Its all good, bro the stock market is all over the place. No reason to get blood in your stool. Nothing can be up all the time. Its like if youve been snorting adderall all night, you will come otherwise youre on the side of the new jersey turnpike asking a raccoon for marriage advice. We all have our ferraris. Whats going on . We need a reason. Former fed chair janet yellen saying stocks are overvalued and perhaps were due for a correction. Higher Interest Rates mean bonds are paying better which means investors want to sell stocks to buy bonds. There arent so many humans making investment decisions. Machinedriven. Computers trade stocks now . Its the robotic apocalypse i dont want to blame a macbook. I want to blame a person. Lets play it. Whose fault is it . Trump has been taking credit for the boom so he should take a blame for the bust. Psych no he shouldnt. Right, sean hannity . Because the obama economy was so weak all of these years, we had just artificially cheap money, when you can borrow at ridiculously low rates, the era of cheap money at some point has to come to an end. There you have it folks, market pumped because of trump. Market down, you blame the brown. Thanks, obama lock him up applause every time you point your finger at someone, four are pointing back at you. What does that mean . I dont know. But the chinese character for crisis is the same as opportunity. My foot massage lady told me that. Her name is rachel. She lives super close to chinatown. Youre probably asking, hasan, whats a hot commodity . Its in front of your face. Newspapers need photos of Stock Brokers freaking out. They are everywhere. Youve got, what will i tell susan . then, omigod there goes the summary house and my favorite, im going to have to eat generic cereal this photo market is so hot im getting in on the action. I call this one i have to fake my own death because i put my life savings into bit coin thats actually true ringing oh, shit, its my current wife. Hey, babe, listen, nothings wrong everythings fine please believe me. Trevor, i was never here trevor hasan minhaj, everyone well be right back cheers and applause this is lynchburg. A small town in the heart of tennessee. Where families and neighbors Work Together to make every drop of our whiskey. If you cant get here, just look for one of our postcards. We send them all over. They look like this. We send them all over. Dominika i saw something i was not supposed to. music dominika they gave me a choice. Dominika die. Or become a sparrow. music nathaniel in moscow theres a program, nathaniel they call them sparrows. Trained to seduce and manipulate. 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Oh man. At this point, it kind of just seems like you hate money. Yikes that was not me. I think somebody touched something. Unlike turbotax, h r block more zero lets you file online for free, even if you itemize deductions. A more free way to file. Get your taxes won. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is the author of countdown to the closing bell, fox business anchor, please welcome liz claman cheers and applause welcome to the show. Thank you so much. Trevor so i have one simple question for you, buy or sell . laughter buy low, sell high have you guys ever heard that . Trevor how do we know if its high . The market is in such a crazy place. Its up, down, super down, they say its a record down, but we shouldnt panic. If we shouldnt panic and its normal, why does it always happen . Thats exactly the point. It doesnt always happen and what were seeing yesterday, could it have been the ultimate opportunity to have bought . But again, i will remind everybody, the stock market is a little bit of a casino, right . So you should really only play with money that you can afford to lose. Who can afford to lose money . Nobody, right . I mean, you dont want to do that. So youve just got to sit there and watch and figure out that youre never going to catch the top. Trevor right. Youre never going to catch the bottom. So if you can get sort of around the top or the bottom, when it comes to selling at the top and picking up at the bottom, that would be nice. Trevor you are someone who is steeped in the targe stock mt and economy. Whats interesting is a lot of people because of President Trump have started conflating the stock market with the economy. President trump will say the stock market is doing well which means the economy is doing well. Are they the same . Absolutely not, and that is a perfect, perfect example of why they are not the same thing. Certainly a good economy can stabilize the stock market, but everybody would argue that when president obama had taken over and, in 2009, we saw the market plummet all the way from the financial crisis, as you know. Trevor right. Guess what . From that point all the way through eight years, the stock market jumped by at least for the dow 150 points, 160 points. The nasdaq jumped 260plus percent. Im talking about percentage points. This is huge. Trevor right. And everyone would argue that the economy remember, everybody used to say, oh, the economy is so weak, its slogging along. And the people who didnt like president obama said it was his fault. People who loved him said dont worry. Guess what . The stock market was going like this. So in essence, if you look at it almost like a relay in the olympics, because youre talking about that. Trevor yes. You could argue that president obama had the baton, hes running, he hands it to President Trump, whos continued to run with it. Trevor hes running . laughter hes schlepping a little bit. laughter trevor i feel like obama handed it to him and hes in a golf cart and driving. That makes sense. So it is a trend. Thats whats interesting. You saw sean hannity for instance saying, no, the crash is because of obama, because he didnt raise Interest Rates, i guess, when he should have. But the market going up is because of trump. Is it somebodys credit or is it to somebodys blame or is the stock market really doing its own thing . Lets get something straight, the president does not raise Interest Rates. Something called the federal reserve, theyre the people who come together and decide what short term Interest Rates should be and should they go up. Trevor right. Everybody kept them extremely low because were in a crisis. Were not anymore. If you want somebody to blame, blame bill belichick. I mean, you know, im sitting there saying trevor there are some people, like, yeah, well blame him. We hate the patriots, well blame him. Who do we blame . Do we blame the fed, president obama, do we blame President Trump talking about the stock market . Trevor right. There is one thing for sure since election day, the dow jones industrie industrialss enjoyed record closings. This is not a bad thing. But you have to give credit to the stabilization of president obama and, so, therefore, the big theme here is as much as theyd hate to believe this, trump and obama are on the same team. Trevor if you look at the numbers alone, right, it looks scary in a day. Its like a thousand points and they go, this is good, bad. Yeah. Trevor but it looks like the markets have been doing the same thing around the world. So if donald trump takes credit for whats happening in america, how do you explain the fact markets worldwide have been going up. Is this not just a trend in terms of start . It is. And things are better in america right now. We did start to see a pickup in growth. We see a little bit more confidence. The stock market has done well. Peoples 401ks, i know a lot of you have them. Who has a 401k . applause theyve continued to reflat after the financial crisis in 2009. That is a very good thing, but you should all expect that they will fall at a certain point because we see what are called corrections. That means youre up at this unbelievable record high and then it falls 10 and feels horrible at the time, you need a xanax drip, but calm down, it happens. In fact, corrections tend to happen once every year. They just havent happened in the last year. Trevor thats fantastic. So if i understand this correctly, basically, youve got to think of a stock market on a high like a night out partying. Youre getting drunk. At some point youre going to get too drunk. The correction occurs. Thats the hangover. Then youre, like, all right, maybe i should slow down. Then start it over again. You get a my tie juice in your morning. You go to your juice cleanse and make sure theres a my tie in it. This is difficult, but when you talk about exactly how to understand all this, some of your viewers are millennials and they come in and say should i be in the stock market and do a 401k . Well, yeah, because would you rather bet on Great American companies, or would you just rather hide your money under a mattress . Trevor im going to say mattress, am i right . laughter thank you so much for being on the show. Its been great having you. Countdown to the closing bell airs weekends on the fox business network. Liz claman, everybody well be right back cheers and applause so youre looking for male customers, ages 2554, who live within five miles of your business . Like these two. And that guy. Or maybe you want to reach women, ages 18 to 34, who are interested in fitness. Namaste. Whichever audience youre looking for, well find them were the finders. 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