I mean it, lady, youve got about [gunfire] oops. From Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with trevor noah. cheers and applause trevor welcome to the daily show thank you so much for tuning in im trevor noah. Our guest tonight the roastmaster general himself jeff fis joining us, everybody the big news, 180 characters on twitter now people can get much more detail when complaining to airlines companies. At delta, my flight was delayed. It reminds me of my first flying experience, 1994, i was but a young lass. Other news, who likes pizza . Cheaper. That means youre nazis. Papa johns is telling racists we dont want your business after a neonazi web site declared pap the pizza of thality right. They posted a swastika pizza after papa johns said they condemn hate groups. We do not want these individuals or groups to buy our pizza. Trevor 2017, the year when even pizza had to distance itself from gnatsias. To recap. Papa johns said the n. F. L. Protests were hurting pizza sales. Nazis said, yes, papa johns, you are officially the pizza of the alt right. Papa johns said, no, we arent racists. They said, sure. Papa johns said, no, seriously, were not trying to be racist. The alt right said, right, neither are we. Papa johns said, what are you doing. They said, come on heil five, baby, just do it. Poor papa johns. But lets move on. Every day seems there is a story unexplained violence. Sometimes horrifying and sometimes truly just weird. Weve got breaking news to report this hour, a kentucky man in custody accused of attacking senator rand paul. Senator rand paul was assaulted outside his home. Were learning his injuries are worse than originally thought. A senior advisish said paul suffered five broken ribs and is in considerable pain. The suspect was arrested, charged with assault and released. Trevor holy crap, someone assaulted a sitting u. S. Senator. Thats crazy. Whats even crazier is that after only one night in jail, the man was released. Like, he broke a senators ribs and hes already out. Im going to take a shot in the dark and say that hes white . Can i get white for 500 . laughter the attacker, his own neighbor, 59yearold rene boucher. Trevor rene boucher . laughter wow. That sucks. Getting beaten up sucks but getting beaten up by rene boucher is horrible. laughter now it sounds like you got beaten up by the candlestick from biewd butty and the beast. laughter it sounds less they can, like, a name and more like a Christmas Center piece. Do you like my rene boucher . laughter okay, that was fun, but who is rene boucher . Boucher, a retired anesthesiologist and pain specialist who invented the thermovest to treat back pain. Trevor rand paul got beaten up by a pain specialist . Ttotouche, boucher. applause getting beaten up by a doctor must be the most confusing thing that can happen to a human being. The doctor is like, dont you ever do that again now, show me where it hurts. All right, any recent changes in diet . Okay, im going to need you to cough. Okay. laughter by the way, its not like rand paul got into a fair fight and lost. Turns out rene boucher is as sneaky as his name. It happened friday inside the gated community where both men live. Bouchers home, right next door to senator pauls, sources say the senator was mowing his grass, wearing headphones when the attack happened. Paul telling police boucher came on to his property and tackled him from behind forcing him to the ground. Trevor rene boucher tackled rand paul from behind while he was on a riding mower . That has to be the most white guy attack i have ever heard of. laughter the only way that attack could be more white is if he dropped a radio playing this American Life into his bop top. Thats the only way. laughter this raised many questions because neither rand paul nor rene boucher explained why the fight happened. Luckily, thats what nosey neighbors are for. laughter initially, it was thought this may be political in nature. Now it looks like it can be as silly as yard waste. A longrunning dispute over grass clippings and leaves blowing on to each others lawns. Jim skaggs is a longtime neighbor and knows both men well. Well. What have you heard was the reason for this latest dispute . Trash along the Property Line. I think their disagreement was probably over where a leaf or a twig fell off a tree. laughter trevor no, that cant be right. Rene boucher attacked a u. S. Senator over leaves . That would be like finding out that John Wilkes Booth shot lincoln because he was sitting in his seat. President , im 12h, bam yeah, im 10h. Sorry, my bad, my bad. By the way, the news interviewing a neighbor isnt the same in a gated community. Usually they try to find an eccentric black person who gets remixed and goes viral. But since its gated community in kentucky, this is the blackest dude they could find. laughter in my opinion, he still deserves the same treatment. From what youre heard, what was the reason for this latest dispute . Trash along the Property Line trash trevor okay, that was horrible, horrible. The lesson is only remix black people. That was horrible. laughter for more information, we go live to senior neighborhood correspondent michael kosta, everybody cheers and applause how did a minor dispute between neighbors get so out of hand . No, no, no, my friend. Israel and palestine is a minor dispute between neighbors. This is far more serious. Were talking rich people and their lawns. Trevor so Something Like this was bound to happen . Hell, yeah. You pack two wealthy doctors this close, barely an acre and a half between them, that was a shaken pelligrino waiting to explode. laughter think about this from a rich white mans point of view, trevor. Everything in his life is perfect, then he gets home to find his neighbors sycamore crushed his geraniums . Makes me want to break some ribs right now trevor thats what im talking about, a little overboard, five ribs broken. He left 1 19 ribs off the ho. If you have limbs on my lawn, you might as well come over and bleep my wife, which is probably whats happening here, but lets just say it gardening but lets just say it gardening Trevor Michael junior whats up, whats up, whats up . But lets just say it gardening Trevor Michael do i know you . Dewey ryder. Im the new you, im the new model, im the upgrade. Oh, nobody told you . No. Oh, this is awkward. Ya know, im gonna be driving race cars around superfast in circles. Ridin Wild Mountain dew all the time. Ill take this, thank you. 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Thats how its done. cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. There has been a lot of news this week out of saudi arabia, which is basically americas kooky rich uncle who occasionally beheads people. We all have one. laughter over the weekend, the kingdom went through serious turmoil. Breaking news out of saudi arabia. Were seeing an historic upheaval. A royal purge in saudi arabia. Several high profile people. Several arrests in saudi arabia. A prince and colleagues were killed in a Helicopter Crash sunday. Saudis intercepted a Ballistic Missile fired from yemen. What in the world is going on in saudi arabia . Trevor the biggest story is hare to the thrown prince mohamed bin salman. Saudi arabia has more princes than a men yaps halloween party. Its so hard to keep track of these people. Thats what makes this story peculiar. Saudi arabia is ruled by one big family. We dont know if we need to send in u. N. Or andy cohn. The kingdom is calling it a crack drown on corrupt princes but i dont know if you buy it. Theyre saudi princes. What do you mean corruption . They already have all the money. That airplane is the princes normal ride. How do you bribe that guy . As it turns out, there might be going on here than just corruption. Whats being presented as a crackdown on corruption, in my opinion, thats a total smoke screen for what this is, is an abrupt consolidation of power by the crown prince and the elimination of rivals. Trevor wait a minute, consolidating power and getting rid of his political rivals. I wonder how President Trump feels about this whole thing . President trump is responding to the rapidly moving developments in saudi arabia. In two tweets yesterday trump endorsed salmans new corruption crackdown saying i have great confidence in king salman and the crown prince of saudi arabia saying they know what theyre doing. Trevor locking up political rivals is trumps wet dream. He probably phoned the prince and said is it true youre locking up a all the enemies . Thats right, donnell, all of them. Even hillary . laughter no, donald, this is a different country. Oh, sad. laughter applause now, look, im not saying that trump endorsed these arrests, but im not saying that he didnt. The crown prince now has ties to jared kushner, trumps so soninlaw and Senior Advisor who took an unannounced trip to saudi arabia just days before this mass purge and was reportedly up till 4 00 a. M. Hanging out with the crown prince. Trevor j. Kush and the prince up till 4 00 a. M. In what could they possibly be doing . Oh, yeah. Lets take over the world avenge all of our rivals sing, jarred ahhhhh laughter to be fair, the situation in saudi arabia is a lot more complicated than that. The crown prince isnt just trying to grab power, hes also trying to modernize saudi arabia. Side lining the old guard could let him diverse tie fythe economy and expand womens rights. So the kingdom might become more autocratic but also more free, which is a paradox. Its how not being mo fog now can actually strengthen a relationship. Im not saying that would be a good idea laughter im just saying experts have found this to be true laughter which a couple could test if certain people werent so rigid, but im just pointing that out. But no matter what the reasons, long story short, these people are detained and held in riyadhs harshest accommodations. 1 princes and 40 officials detained at the lavish ritz carlton in saudi arabia in riyadh. Trevor arrested at the ritz carlton . Thats how you know your country is rich, the worlds best hotel is a prison. It makes it hard to complain about being arrested. Im being caged like an animal my rights are curtailed alexa, mood music the warden is probably, like, calm down or you go to the marriott noooo well be right back cheers and applause every time you call on me i drop what i do you are my best friend and weve got some things to do do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna do you wanna, do you wanna, do you wanna yeaheaeaeah what is that . The google pixel 2. What can it do . A lot. Can it tell me when to leave . Yes, now. And the fastest way there . Yep. Can it take a selfie just by saying take a selfie . Yep. Take a selfie. What happens if i snap this . It gives you info. What happens if i snap her . She likes it. Do i still have to sit here for ages . No, it charges in fifteen minutes. Will it ever do this . Never. What happens if i squeeze it . Try it. Google pixel 2 hi, im your google assistant. How can i help . Hello. So. Its a phone . Well its a phone by google. The all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. Music laying cheers and applause trevor welcome back to the daily show. My guest tonight is a comedian whose upcoming special for Comedy Central is called jeff ross roasts the border live from brownsville, texas. What does america mean to you . translating to spanish theres a lot of good people here. Yeah. Si. Whats your mesh dream now . Whats your American Dream now . To have a home. A baby and in the united states. Congratulations. Yes. Trevor please welcome jeff ross cheers and applause oh, thank you. Nice welcome. Trevor welcome to the show. Great to see you, bud. Trevor great to have you. How have you been . Have you been losing weight . Sometimes i go to hot yoga and i just lay out my mat and cry for an hour. Water weight. Trevor youre looking good. Thanks, bud. Taking care of myself. A lot to live for. Trevor is there a lot to live for, jeff . You see comedians biting the dust. I want to live. Trevor thats nice. Taking a cue from life. Lets talk about the special, jeff ross roasts the border live from brownsville, texas. Yeah. Trevor what does that mean . People at the border or the wall, what is jeff ross roasting . People dont realize there is an existing border fence that runs thousands of miles across the southern border. The down of brownsville, texas, is the southern most tip of texas. Theres a park where the fence runs true it and the mayor let me set up a stage and roast migrants as they crossed over into america. laughter and i said, oh, that could be funny, im going to shoot that for Comedy Central. laughter because we hear so much about immigration all the time, building a wall and the muslim ban, and i thought how do the people who actually live on the border feel about this . So i wrote an act and went for a week. Trevor when somebodys escaping something and meet jeff ross at the border, i feel like that would make me want to go back, and then there would be another story where they said i just escaped jeff ross at the border. How do you roast people that are escaping these situations . I just put it out there. You know, any mexican people here . cheers and applause see . Theyre the best. I love mexican people. I think we should let all the mexican people into america because you guys are the best Business People we have. cheers and applause you took four ingredients and turned it into 40,000 restaurants. laughter and guacamole is extra i love the mexicans i roast the ones i love, trevor. And it wasnt all jokes. This was a very emotional special. I went to a refuge shelter in texas and i talked to women from aritria, a country i never heard of before, and they were escaping oppression and Political Violence in aritria, these women are very bright, they speak multiple languages, theyre not rapists and murderers like the president wants you to think. They come from africa, europe, central south america, central america, get to the fence and climb the fence and we throw them in jay. Trevor first they get roasted. Its like running the new York City Marathon and when you get to the finish line the mayor punches you in the balls. laughter trevor thats how the marathon ends. Thats new york. Thats what we do out here. laughter its funny you say you roast the ones you love. Jeff came to south africa and i said, you have to do a show. He said, do they know me . I said, yeah. You roasted an audience member who was a paraplegic in the audience and audience reacts no, no, no, everyone volunteered to be roasted. I will never forget he cried tears of joy and at the end of the show he said, thank you for making me feel normal, i wanted to be roasted like everybody else. Theres something touching about what you do, i dont know if youre losing your edge and gaining something special, but youre becoming a sweeter person in the roast. bleep you. laughter cheering oh, jeff ross. No, you go to the border and you know its highly politicized. Tell me something you learned as jeff ross as an american, because you cannot have just open borders. There has to be a system most people agree on. Then jeff ross goes down there, you have your views. What views of yours have changed . What is something that changed of you one way and maybe the other way . One simple thing is, you know, if you listen to the rhetoric in politics, everybody is coming from mexico. The fact is people are coming from almost every part of the world to come to america. Trevor right. This isnt just about making money. Some of them are escaping Gang Violence and political oppression all over the world. And were a nation of immigrants. I challenge in the show i challenge the politicians to remember where their ancestors came from. I think we just lost sight of the fact that were all you know, immigrants come to america and they do the jobs that americans dont want to do like host the daily show. cheers and applause you know, and they work so har, an theyre good people, and occasionally theyre pretty funny. laughter trevor im going to edit out that part where i said youre a nice guy who makes people feel good. laughter so the border has been roasted. Where does jeff go by the way, 21 billion that wall is going to cost. For that kind of money, second send everyone in mexico 1,000 to stay home. laughter its all business. But youre right, we do need to really look at poredder security. We need to fiend a more dignified way for people to come into america. Not everybody has the luxury of signing up and taking years to get into the country. Some people are running away from a burning fire. Trevor can i tell you whats crazy is that we are sitting here on a comedy show where a comedian is talking sensible immigration and Foreign Policy and the president is roasting people on getter. laughter thats the world we live in now. Thank you for being on the show. Trevor, i love you. Trevor jeff ross roasts the border live from brownsville, texas premieres november 16 on Comedy Central. Jeff ross, everybody cheers and applause