Nature. Its going to be like lord of the flies. But let me tell you something, january 2017 is coming. applause tonightly trump steals the show at the iowa state fair with his shiny new helicopter. Okay, i give up how small is this guys penis . laughter cheers its got to be cheers and applause also, g. O. P. Candidates enjoy baconwrapped corn dogs and fried twinkies at the iowa state fair. laughter note to republicans see, this is why America Needs universal healthcare. laughter cheers and applause and a scathing New York Times article claims that amazon is a terrible place to work. Amazon responds by saying thank god the drones wont have feelings. laughter this is the nightly show lets do this cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central larry thank you very much. Thank you very of. Please, please. cheers and applause audience chanting larry thank you very much. Welcome to the the nightly show. Im larry wilmore. This audience right here, man, right here. cheers and applause and everybody lost 1,000 tonight. So look how enthused they are. laughter so, man, the streets of iowa were deserted this weekend because everyone was at the iowa state fair. The bars were empty. The malls were empty. Even iowa movie theaters were empty. Well, actually, that was because Straight Outta Compton was playing. laughter iowa, iowa. laughter everyone, including 18 of the president ial candidates, was at the state fair. So its time to check in and see whats happening with the unblackening. cheers and applause part of the reason the iowa state fair is such an attractive destination for candidates is it allows them an opportunity to pretend theyre normal. Right . laughter they dress farmer cashj. Right . laughter they rub elbows with livestock. laughter and, of course, they eat fried everything. laughter everything is fried. But the most popular food at the fair is tailormade for politicians pork on a stick. laughter ah, its so good. laughter larry did she even taste the pork before she said it was so ah, so good, which is politicianspeak for fetch the spit bucket. laughter but ive got to give hillary credit. She completely deleted i mean she completely ate laughter thats what i meant to say. laughter all of the she ate that pork on a stick, bam so i have to say all of the candidates were doing a pretty good job acting like one of the commoners. And its interesting that, in their effort to seem authentic, they all go out of their way to pretend theyre something that theyre not. Well, almost all of them. Donald trump arrived at the iowa state fair by helicopter. laughter cheers and applause larry he enters iowa in his chopper. laughter there is no pretend in his game. laughter imitating trump i am not a commoner. laughter i am not one of you. laughter i am one of me. laughter build it and i will come in a chopper. laughter thats what i do. Its amazing. It really is amazing to me. Trump does not run away if his gaudiness. I mean, he owns the fact that he owns everything. Right . laughter he doesnt care what he looks like. Whereas hillary seems to care so much about her optics that she always seems to get them wrong. laughter for instance, one big criticism of hillary is that shes secretive. Right . So it was imperative to at least use her trip to iowa to show she has nothing to hide. Well, at one event, hillary met a few voters. But then she disappeared behind a makeshift black curtai laughter walling off a corner of the ballroom. laughter larry when the knock on you is that youre hiding something from us, a black curtain is not the ideal metaphor. laughter stop it, hillary. laughter i mean, when she was packing for this trip, why was black curtain even on the list . laughter right . Why . No just stop it. But the thing i really want to talk about with hillary is i think the thing helicopter noises laughter here we go, baby. Here we go. Larry hey hey larry oh, my god. Hey, baby. Larry, you talking about trump . Larry yeah, yeah, is that Donald Trumps chopper . Damn right it is. Ill tell you right now you spend way too much time on this show talking about losers. Larry donald, youre interrupting my show. What do you mean . I thought it was a show for the blacks. laughter im beloved by the blacks. Larry no. You are not beloved by the blacks, donald. This is not a show for the blacks. I dont teen know what youre talking about. Whatever, larry. Get back to talking about me enough about hillary. Larry all right, fine. Fine. Just go away. All right. I gotta go anyway. Ive got jury duty. Whatever. Trump away trump away cheers and applause larry all right. Lets get back to trump. laughter and by the way, if i were him, id be a little nervous around a helicopter. laughter his hair is not exactly impervious to wind. laughter cheers and applause all right. Ooh. laughter anyway, trump landed and then offered a ticket to ride that is normally offered by a guy in a van. Where are the children . laughter get them over here. Does anybody wanna take a ride . laughter larry stranger danger stranger danger laughter no cheers and applause he finally got past his so farly simplistic slogan make America Great again to actually putting out a position paper on Immigration Reform called and this is the actual title Immigration Reform that will make America Great again. laughter trump, i have to admit, he does seem serious about getting into the white house. And if he doesnt get in, he at least thinks serious about getting next to it. Trumps Construction Company is building a luxury hotel next to the white house in washington, d. C. Larry really . A hotel near the white house . laughter so if you dont become president , youre just going to rear window the white house . laughter cheers and applause what are they doing over there . Loozas laughter and by the way, mr. Trump, whos your construction crew for 1601 pennsylvania avenue . laughter interviews with about 15 laborers helping renovate the Old Post Office pavilion revealed that many of them had crossed the u. S. mexico border illegally. [ audience woos ] larry oh, i get it. You dont want to build a wall to keep people out. You want to build a wall to keep all your workers in. laughter cheers and applause larry. That is a lie, larry. Thats a lie, baby. The mexicans love me as much as the blacks laughter larry dont listen to him. Well be right back. cheers and applause youre all excited to book that vacation flight. Plenty of seats to choose from, right . Buuut the minute you try to use reward miles from your Airline Credit card. Its slim pickins the flights you want sorry, they ask for a ridiculous number of miles. Time to switch to the capital one venture card. With venture, youll earn unlimited double miles. And using those miles is easy. Just book any flight you want, on any airline. Then use your miles to cover the cost. No blackout dates. Whats in your wallet . Come on liz, its exactly what it looks like. I i was how, how, how could you do this to me . Honey, i. I thought we agreed to share him . So thats what you meant by dessert psst, scotts home early. In study after study, advil is unsurpassed in pain relief. Nothing is proven stronger on aches and pains than advil. Not tylenol. Not aleve. Nothing. Relief doesnt get any better than this. Advil. Hey, so what are you heyup to tonight . An . Ah, nothing much. Just Something Like a little karaoke thing. Well, lets hear some. No, right here . Carry on my wayward son. There will be peace when you are done. So, nope. You know the rest. Thank you. I go on at 9. Or 9 30, sometimes they run late. Carry on as long as you are you, its miller time. cheers and applause larry welcome back. When i think of amazon, i think of a magical website where i can buy toothbrush heads and 2 fast 2 furious on dvd and a beatlesthemed comforter and sheet set and have it all delivered right to my door. But for amazon employees, their work culture is not so convenient. A scathing piece about amazon and the twist reaction this morning from the companys ceo. Over the weekend, the times exposed what it called a bruising workplace, one with a backstabbing, sometimes abusive culture that left some employees in tears. [ audience boos ] larry what the [ bleep ], amazon . laughter i expect to hear about this kind of behavior from bangladesh or shenzhen, but in seattle . laughter look, im a prime member. I love my free twoday shipping and abundant episodes of alpha house. All right . laughter john goodman is the Marlon Brando of our age. Absolutely brilliant actor. laughter he is. Brilliant actor, right . All right. So what does the ceo have to say about these accusations. The founder and ceo of that company, jeff bezos, is issuing a rare response and he is strongly defending his company. Bezos is actually encouraging employees to read that article and then email him directly with any allegations of abuse. laughter larry you heard right, folks. Its the first time in history someone is encouraging people to send them an email about an article they read. laughter come on, bezos youre supposed to be the cool billionaire, like richard branson, not the evil billionaire, like richard branson. laughter right . Hey, the guys complicated. cheers and applause but, look, ill be honest with you. Here at the nightly show, the happiness of our employees is our top priority. In fact, were so committed to making sure our Workplace Culture is nothing like amazons, weve made a lot of changes. For instance, we recently hired platinum hiphop recording artist camron to manage our Human Resources department. Lets take a look. I dont even know what the [ bleep ] this means. Im going to google this [ bleep ]. knocking let me call you back. Can i talk to you for a minute about something . Of course. My office is su office. Thank you. Joyce from talent keeps hitting on me. She keeps sending me inappropriate emails and putting suggestive things on my desk. Im married. What do you think i should do . Man up and run with it. Okay. laughter . Mud up. Thank you. Type, type, type. laughter hey. I need to talk to you about something. Of course. Kay, great. Because i think colleen is stealing from your office. She stole paper the other day and [ bleep ] okay. laughter applause knockknock. Whats up, camron . Going on . E got a little bit of a personnel situation here the head of h. R. Were looking to get rid of our writers assistance. I was hoping would you help me out with the paperwork officially. Paperwork is a little too much. Ill take care of him. Great. applause hey, camron, when you say take care of it, can you clarify exactly what you mean by take care of it. Ill do it. Do what exactly . Take care of what [ bleep ] needs to be done. Take him to flatbush. I think maybe just ill talk to him. I know you got a lot on your plate. Youre the boss. Thanks, man. Cool. Hello . Tell that intern to take that 20 large to my crib. Larry thanks. Well be right heres a little healthy advice. Take care of what makes you, you. Right down to your skin. Aveeno® daily moisturizing lotion with 5 vital nutrients for healthier looking skin in just one day. Aveeno®. Naturally beautiful results® who says families have to share data . These guys, thats who but at tmobile you can get four lines with up to 10 gigs of 4g lte data, each no sharing and just 30 bucks a line 10 gigs for each and every one of you well even pay your familys switching fees up to 650 bucks per line so you can get 10gigs for all, today and its only from tmobile scotor even a double dare. Raid of a good dare. We have three more dares for you. Mild chipotle, hot habanero, and fiery ghost pepper. Taco bells new 1 dare devil loaded grillers. [bong] peter hit me in the nose with a football. Marcia, what happened . Now sweetheart. Shut up marcia, eat a snickers®. Why . You get a little hostile when youre hungry. Better . Better. Marcia, marcia, marcia. Ranking from top to bottom. Car company of the year . Luxury cars just seem like they would be top awarded. Yeah. There better be some awards behind what you are paying for right . The final answer. Chevrolet is the most awarded car company of the year. Really . I was just surprised. Im interested to learn more about chevy. Lets check out these 2015 chevys. Its like a luxury car. I was shocked. I mean, this is chevy . vo cars for crash survival,ning subaru has developed our most revolutionary feature yet. A car that can see trouble. And stop itself to avoid it. When the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety tested front crash prevention nobody beat subaru models with eyesight. Not honda. Not ford or any other brand. Subaru eyesight. An extra set of eyes, every time you drive. America theres a new flavor from snapple. Its straight up tea. Its all natural with that brewed tea taste that will keep ya coming back for more. Oh yeah new yorkers love it and youre gonna love it too allnatural snapple straight up tea. Made from the best stuff on earth. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. The nightly show contributor mike yard. cheers and applause and our own the nightly show head writer robin thede. cheers and applause and his new special crash test is available on vimeo august 18th, comedian and actor paul scheer. cheers and applause okay. So we talked about this a little. New york times published this scathing article about amazons Workplace Culture. Long hours, few perks, and the fear of being fired is always hanging over your head. Is this a good way to do business, paul . Yes it is. laughter because amazon is awesome, right . It is. Can get toilet paper the next day. Somethings working. Right. laughter . I dont care if someones got to work 80 hours. You dont care. Its transparent. laughter larry i think the discussion is over. laughter dont these peopleake a lot of money, though . Arent they like the people that koum with the procks and all that stuff . Some of the reports people are crying on the job. Who cries at work . Its work larry you just cry a lot on mad men. Its america, larry. Thats what it is. Thats what it is. Thats what it is. What it is is that we have raised kids that you cant even yell at. They start [ bleep ] crying. laughter work hard, do your job. laughter larry okay. Hold on. But heres the thing. They have policies where their employees are encouraged to tell on each other. And also to tear each others ideas apart. I dont have a problem with that. Larry you dont have a problem with that. No. If you tear apart my idea and come up with another idea, its fine. Its switching i dont like. Larry what if they say mikes idea is a [ bleep ] . Thats just criticizing. Larry if it was prison style at amazon . Like in hell. Im saying its good. Prisons work. Amazon works. Tie them together. laughter why not . If people are scared, right . If youre scared, youre going to keep working harder, right . Whether you overtly snitch or dry snitch, thats when you come back and your coworker goes, i didnt know we have twohour lunches. laughter [ bleep ] [ bleep ] thats worse. Thats worse. I did it one time and now you tell everyone. I feel like everybody is dry snitching. Its its its promoting the passiveaggressive work environment. But you quoted from mad men earlier. Yeah. Draper said thats what the moneys for. Thats right. I just feel larry what do you think is better carrot or stick . What gives you better production . Which one is prime eligible . laughter . Larry i dont know those words. I think you lure them over with the carrot and when they get close, you hit them with a stick. laughter come here. Larry what about the people making the products that amazon sell . They surely have it worse, right . Theyre in a factory stitching up shoes. No ones complaining there. laughter fast delivery and good products larry do you see any problem with the a Company Works as long as you get your blood diamonds. laughter blood diamonds come quick in a nice packaging, fine. laughter the thing is what the [ bleep ] . laughter when it comes to amazon, i go all the way trump. laughter larry you have stock in amazon . I seriously do not let that amazon stock drop. I need that amazon. laughter i have never bought anything from amazon. Larry really . Never. Let me tell what i do. This is crazy. I go to stores cheers and applause how about that . Larry robin, tell me what you do. You are totally missing everything. You know i was so lazy. I had the last roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. I went on my phone and got it same day. Oh, my god it came in an hour. laughter . This comes that quick. Larry americas lazy. Whats wrong with you . Oh, my god. I will say on this show, yes, lets boycott amazon. laughter listen, and i dont think this is like a chickfila snitch where theyre saying horrible things about gay people or a horrible social statement. Larry theyre just treating the workers horrible. The workers need to have more of a workwork balance. laughter . Yeah. They need to figure it out. Larry let me ask you this, miking, because youre the most suspicious always on the panel. laughter the ceo encouraged people to email him directly. Would you do [ bleep ] like that . Hell [ bleep ] no. All day, all day. I dont like that you do this. All right. We you dont work here no more [ bleep ]. laughter . Larry you snitch on yourself. Its like a new version of the comment box. Those comment boxes are at every job but no one puts it in there unless youre a jerk. laughter . Exactly. I cannot believe that mike does not use amazon. You seriously have never used i cant buy something because of a picture. Im sorry. I need to touch it. I need to feel if. If im buying a couch, i need to sit on it. I need to lay on it. Larry what about toilet paper . Toilet paper is sold on every corner on the block. You cant walk 0 to the corner to buy toilet paper . cheers and applause no no the weathers terrible. Im not going to go laughter no i would still butt crack and wash it out. laughter . If there was an option to get a person to use the toilet paper on me, i would take that option. laughter larry amazon prime plus. laughter no matter how amazon is, it doesnt matter. We need amazon. Well be right back. cheers and applause larry if you live in the new york city area or planning to visit, grab some free tickets to attend an upcoming taping of the the nightly show, showcased monday through thursday. For complete details go to the thenightlyshow. Com tickets. cheers and applause howdy, folks, its me, Colonel Sanders. laughter hey thats not the real Colonel Sanders im the real Colonel Sanders and this is how you sell chicken. Howdy, folks its me, the real Colonel Sanders. Im back to tell you about my new 20 family fill up meal. Its a Treasure Chest of delicious home style cookin but served in containers, not Treasure Chests. laughter door squeaking its Finger Lickin good. Gives you nexium level protection for frequent heartburn all day and all night. Try nexium 24hr, the 1 prescribed acidblocking brand, and get all day, all night protection. Nexium level protection. Hey, so what are you heyup to tonight . An . Ah, nothing much. Just Something Like a little karaoke thing. Well, lets hear some. No, right here . Carry on my wayward son. There will be peace when you are done. So, nope. You know the rest. Thank you. I go on at 9. Or 9 30, sometimes they run late. Carry on as long as you are you, its miller time. cheers and applause larry thats our show. I want to thank our panelists, mike yard, robin thede, and paul scheer. And a special thanks to our new h. R. Manager, camron. laughter goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause its 11 59, and 59 seconds, this happened on disney. Com. They held their d23 convention and announced more star wars news than you can shake a watchrat at. Perhaps the most revelation is they will soon have their own star wars theme park. That is very exciting. applause