C. G. I. Artist available could not muster a lifelike version of mitt romney. It was the worst news for republicans since 2008 when they tried to defeat obama with the worlds angriest man and what turned out to be six mediumclever raccoons stacked like a human woman. cheers and applause but you know what they say never trust raccoons in a pantsuit . No you know what they say, failure is a learning experience. The fundamental problem were trying to address is actually having people in the community to make the case to hispanics and to women. The perception that were the party of the rich, unfortunately, continues to grow. Focus groups described our party as narrowminded, out of touch and, quote, stuffy old men. Jon continuing. Shriveled angry mummies, writhing, almost hypnotized under a billionaire money fundy shower, raining war and destruction throughout the hemispheres. laughter thats all. Really. So the selfdiagnosed problem with the republicans in 2012 with you their image, rich, out of touch, old men, alienating latinos and women. They have been working to fix that. Next donald trump is the clear leader of the republican pack, make no mistake. 20 of republicans back donald trump, 7 ahead of his closest rivals. cheers and applause jon yes the living embodiment of everything reps were trying to exorcise from their party just escalated down on their parade. Im really rich. The total is 8,737,540,000. When mexico sends its people, theyre bringing drugs, theyre bringing crime, theyre rapists. She wanted to breast pump in front of me, and i may have said thats disgusting. I may have said something else. I thought it was terrible. Shes a horrible person laughter jon hows that outreach going to latinos and women again . laughter im sure trump was only disgusted about breast feeding. Im sure it was the first time he realized, whoa, boobs can do that . Boy thats the craziest thing i ever saw. laughter thrump is even worrying the g. O. P. s most important constituents, the six horsemen of the cash apocalypse who campaign the finance campaigns. Republican donors are getting worried about how things are going in the republican party. The investors are worrying about the damage hes doing on the debate stage. Jon trump is a rich, crazy, egotistical monster people like him are supposed to buy the candidates, not be them laughter in our system of government, one branch has the money, and the other branch does what the one branch with the money tells them to do hes screwing the whole pooch laughter but even if the rnc cant control the candidates or their message tore the voters, or the irrational, emotional desires ruling the voters, one thing they can control. We need to control the debates, the party needs to control the debates. The republican thunderdome. Top ten candidates from the five most recent National Polls will make the main stage. It is still anyones j. J. Abrams as to who exactly will take the stage. Theyre trying desperately to boost the poll numbers. So who gets a spot . Jon will it be you . laughter you should stop watching and check the polls just in case one of your friend put your name in as a prank and youre now doing better than lindsey graham. laughter cheers and applause so. Theyre going to choose based on the polls. But what do you do when, i dont know, the last four qualifying spots for your debate are locked within a statistical tie within the margin of error of your polls . If youre in the top ten in the polls, youre in, if not, youre out. Fox, hosting the debate, hasnt revealed precisely which polls it wil it will use to deco is on stage. Theyll look at the polls and roger ailes will pick whoever he wants. At least thats what he told me in our secret meeting. laughter cheers and applause big problem for the republicans seem to be that they want their candidates to be civil and more accessible to minority outreach but the only way to get more noticed and qualified for the ebaits is to take on the cheeto, dustfaced elephant in the room. If my numbers go up just because i call donald trump a jackass i mean, thats not why i want to rise in the polls. Right. Jon i don. Jon i dont e judged by my impertinent language spoken harshly to a yankee finance year and scallywag i want to be judged by the puritity of my lineage and my familys sweet tea recipe and let me tell you this, the secret ingredient is sugar how far has trump lowered the discourse in six weeks since he cannonballed in the race. Would you join the effort to inspire a more civil way of making points if they drift off the civility reservation, lets dont immediately communicate that to them jon that from a guy who not only backed a candidate with a name synonymous of something you dont want to know but considers this a civil way of discussing Womens Health care. In my days they used bayer aspirin for contraceptives, the gals put it between their knees. Jon ahhh well, just be thankful that most of the older republican donors only shoot cobwebs and dust partials. Seriously, every time he ejaculates, its like open ago very old book. laughter now, mr. Chairman applause mr. Chairman, did you ever consider that maybe the g. O. P. s problem isnt hostile moderators or a liberal media or too many debates or not enough Spanish Language leaflets . Maybe the problem is registered republicans in their honestly appraisal of the state of our nation, the issues most important to them and the 17 competing visions of americas future offer have decided this is what they like. Theyre rapists jon get out now jon get out now the call is coming from inside so what can you tell me about your new offer . Well, right now you can get. Ill take it. Uh, well theres sold how bout the. Stop drilling, you struck oil. Theres a sign behind me isnt there . I like it, but can the sign do this . That one can. I forgot about that one. Get ipad mini 2 now for 199. 99 when you buy any iphone on at t next now at chilis, choose your 3 favorite apps for our classic triple dipper. Chilis. Fresh is happening now. Degree motionsense reacts with unique microcapsules activated by movement that release bursts of freshness all day. Motionsense. Protection to keep you moving. Degree. It wont let you down. If you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. Hurry, before this opportunity cools off. Share your summer moments in your mercedesbenz with us. Get rto be obsessed. Sweetarts soft and chewy ropes. With no artificial flavors or colors. New from sweetarts. Wanna get roped in . Fifty ok the nominees for best new artists are. Blue razz, chocolate strawbs, and cinna roll and the winner is. belches blaaaaaaahhhh. Yeah. Tadaaa crazy good cheers and applause jon wackum back to the program thank you for joining us. Now that my run here is coming to an end awww jon really . I want to talk about some of the passions i have and some of the things i want to plan upon my departure. The first thing im going to be doing is i have gotten myself a turntable and a microphone actually, its a turntable with a builtin microphone, you can turn it like that. I havent bought all the equipment yet, but when i do, im going to remix some bass reverb let me turn this up. Hey, stewart, im back jon oh, no wwe World Champion and poster child for the authorities seth rollins what are you doing . Dont play dumb, stewart you know why im here. Jon going to break my nose like john cenas the other night on the raw . Is that what this is . Not a bad idea, but, no, thats not it, stewart. Im here to call you out for the corporate monkey that you really are audience reacts jon so you have seen wrestling. laughter im the corporate monkey . Mmhmm. Jon really . Because i just bought my son seth rollins sunglasses to go along with his so the so the coozie, bracelet and sandals wait, i have sandals . Jon yes. Hey, screw you, stewart you sit there in your fancy chair and your fancy suit and you pretend to be a man of the people. The truth is you will do anything to appease the corporate overlords. audience reacts jon ive got this but, hey but, hey, thats actually kind of what i love about you, stewart. You dont sell out, you buy in. M jon its time for the daily show ebola update brought to you by arbys arbys. See . A lot of things cause diarrhea. A joke brought to you by michaels, michaels, the godless bleep with yarn. Panda express when you need panda meat and fast. Loews hardware, brought to you by mace. Mace, when someone standing in front of you and you want them to move, brought to you by skybedays, you work hard but your paint shouldnt have to. Hheherpes Like Congress on your dick. Go pro, what does your cat do all day . Arbys, the meal thats a dare for your colon. Arbys, come for the tweets. Run from the meat. Arbys, why not challenge your stomach to a fight . Arbys, isnt there anywhere else we can eat . When youre wondering what it tastes like when a cow dies. The hannity of roast beef sandwiches. Technically, its food. You think pain and grief are hard to digest. Arbys. Jon stewart cannot destroy a brand by telling people whats in it. Cheese cheers and applause jon thank you, that was very kind of you to do that. Oh, hey,set, remember the time ill kicked you in the balls on Live Television . Yeah, actually, i do, and im going to kick your ass for that. Not now, your stupid little show didnt pay me that much, right . Jon seth rollins, well be right back. Im coming for you, theres a bazillion ways to top your kids rice krispies. Whats yours . A dash of fruit in their favorite color. A bunch of pineapple cause hey its summer bananas and berries cause the letter b rocks. A little bit of yogurt . Sure why not . The fun never stops how will your kids top their snap, crackle and pop . And when his batterywas nolight lit up it went from bad to worse. But a quick pit stop to autozone where they check that for free and ted and his car were back to peak performance. Get in the zone. Autozone. Its called the zone and well help get you there. Get in the zone. Autozone. cheers and applause jon welcome my j. J. Abrams tonight, a writer, director, producer, latest film he produced is called Mission Impossible rogue nation. revving engines jon ive got to tell you, that is h his real hair, im convinced. Welcome to the program, j. J. Abrams cheers and applause middl jon enjoy. Nice to see you. Jon nice to see you. Thats a beautiful tie. Thank you. Jon unusual design but i like it very much. Thank you very much. Jon do you have an abrams collection . I dont know where it came from. I dont know. Jon i can tell you where it came from, a sweetshop in malaysia. You are terrible laughter no, i made that up. You produced Mission Impossible. This is the fifth one in the series. So lets talk about star wars. cheers and applause im a fan, not just of the series of yours, and im excited to see what you do with this. Tell me right now everything. Everything that happened and if there are hobbits in it, which would be the greatest thing ever. I will answer that question, but i first need to say, please, that jon please. No, you. Ive got to say this. Here i am, honored to be on your show. Jon you have been on before. But this is your last show, isnt it . Jon no, no, next week. So the hole that is going to be left behind is going to be seismic, massive. applause jon you know what will fill it . Whats that . Jon other television, including your show. No, honestly, the narrative you helped give us about how to navigate the madness that is this world cannot be overstated. Jon thank you, very kind of you. cheers and applause let me tell you something. Jon i really was just trying not to get fired. laughter have you ever been fired from a job . Has that ever happened to you . Well, as a writer, i have been replaced. They dont really fire you, you just dont get calls anymore and youre, like, i guess im not working on this anymore. Jon in our world, thats called being fired. laughter but what about before that when you were you a guy that took a job, stuck with a job, did well with a job, was wellliked and respected at the restaurant or wherever it was you were working . You know, when i was working i worked at stores and restaurants and ice cream, but i would goof off with people and insult them by mistake and jon and get fired. Yeah, and get fired. But i always liked have been jobs because i always felt like i had a purpose. Jon this star star wars tg has me so excited i dont know what to do with myself. Im so glad. Jon i hear its focus is almost entirely on george r. Banks. laughter tell me about his journey. His journey . Jon laughter laughter jon can i ask you seriously . Yes. Jon Harrison Ford is in this. So excited. applause but im watching, he was flying a plane solo or something yeah. Jon and had to ditch it on Amelia Earhart island or crashed it into a factory and walked away as it blew up behind him . The guy is like a reallife superhero. He should have the logo above his name. We were filming a team and there was an accident on set, there was a hydraulic door and he was pushed down and his ankle goes 90 degrees, and hes down there toughing it out. Hes a super human being. Hes literally lying there making jokes. This there are is down and im trying to lift it up because thats the kind of guy i am laughter and i feel a pop in my back and i go, thats weird. So i go to the doctor and i had broken my back trying to lift the door. Jon you broke your back and then i have this back brace on. Harrison ford comes across the stage, sprints at me faster thanly ever run, and hes, like, hey, j. J. im, like, hi, Harrison Ford so i felt like the most jewish director ever laughter hes, like, a miracle man and im, like, excuse me, could you be more evil . laughter jon what happened first, the plane crash or this thing . The plane crash is recently. By the way, he was injured there, too. He went to com con and he comes out on stage. Jon hes unbreakable. Your back im fine. Jon when you were telling us, nobody noticed you were wearing a back brace . Your coworkers couldnt be, like, j. J. s getting fat. No, its like spanks, they keep you together. I felt a little bit like i was on bay watch. laughter jon can i Say Something . Yeah. Jon that pleases me. laughter its so nice can i say thank you so much for coming and being a part of our last little run here. You know what a fan i am of your work and you as an individual. My pleasure to have you. Mission impossible rogue nation in theaters friday its so shiny. I know, mommy, but its time to let the new kitchen get some sleep. If you want beautiful results, you know where to go angies list. Now everyone can get highly rated service even without a membership. You can shop special offers or just tell us what you need, and well help you find a local company to take care of it. Angies list is there for all your projects, big and small. Pretty. Come see what the new angies list can do for you. vo cars for crash survival,ning subaru has developed our most revolutionary feature yet. A car that can see trouble. And stop itself to avoid it. When the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety tested front crash prevention nobody beat subaru models with eyesight. Not honda. Not ford or any other brand. Subaru eyesight. An extra set of eyes, every time you drive. Jon thats the show, everybody cheers and applause remember, next week is our last week. Weve got amy schumer, denis leary, were going to have a ball and i cant wait to show my appreciation for all the support and enthusiasm youve given the show all these years. Thank you so much. Next week, tune in, going to be a ball. Heres your moment of zen. Im curious as to what you think about potentially not having a place in the debates. We had a pretty interesting conversation i think it sucks. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org larry toply, a cincinnati cop is indicted for killing an unarmed black man, though in the copy defense, he really thought he would get away with it. A body cam video is used to debunk the officers story. And response tom brady says that is how you destroy that [bleep]. applause and should Campus Police carry guns . Ill wait to answer that question until somebody answers a bigger one. Why do police keep shooting unarmed black people . Class is in session. This is the fightly show. Ed the captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause larry thank you very much. Welcome to the nightly show. Thank you. Larry, larry, larry larry, larry, larry larry welcome to the nightly show, please, please be seated. Thats a great crowd. Everybody tonight has a superhero. I am i meant a superpower, thats right. We do our little inside jokes at the beginningment but i am larry we have a great show, ed helms and rabber big k. R. I. T. Join me on the panel tonight. cheers and applause but weve got a lot of important stuff to talk about. By now you have probably heard about yesterdays big news out of cincinnati. This white Police Officer has now been indicted for the murder of an unarmed black man. Ray tensing, the now fired university of cincinnati Police Officer has been indicted by an ohio grand jury on murder charges. Larry hold on one second. Can you show me the way cnn introduced us to that murder victim. Is that his mug shot