Tonightly Chris Christie is now the 14th republican candidate running for president. Throw in Dolph Lundgren and youve got the crappiest expendables movie yet. laughter christie says america is suffering from anxiety. Knowing that, how about you stop screaming at us . laughter applause and ultraorthodox jews hire mexican laborers to protest for them at the gay pride parade. laughter okay. Im pretty sure this isnt kosher. laughter were here were nightly lets do this cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central cheers and applause larry wow, man. Thank you very much. Welcome to the nightly show. crowd chanting yes. Love tonight. Thank you very much. Thats a great audience. We have an entire audience of loud bearded guys tonight, i want you to know. laughter what am i going to do . Weve got a great show. Boy george will be joining us on the panel tonight. cheers and applause man how cool is that right . Okay. You know what . I dont know if you know this or not this is interesting. I found this out today. Every time a bell rings, an angel laughs, because another republican decides to run for president. laughter applause and that is why today i am proud to announce my candidacy for the republican nomination for president of the United States of America Larry yeah thats right thats right Chris Christie entered the race today. People. You know what that means many time to check in with the unblackening. laughter and applause i just love that open. All right. So christie announced his president ial campaign this morning back at his Old High School in livingston, new jersey, where he was introduced by some of his old classmates. She thought she would be booed by her High School Classmates. She was not. Lynns nickname in high school was the juice. Juice hence, it is not a boo. Larry look, guys. The name juice is not funny. Maybe she was actually on steroids in high school. laughter okay . All right. So they werent booing. They were saying juice. What made you such a boo expert . laughter good afternoon, everybody. Youve already heard enough speeches, enough speeches of the same thing. laughter [ audience boos ] larry oh, years of boo experience. All right. Okay. So hes experienced. Very good. Ill tell you one guy who wasnt booing. In fact, if there were such a thing as the complete opposite of booing, thats what he was doing. Check this out. applause laughter larry who could possibly be that excited about Chris Christie . laughter hell, who could possibly be that excited about anything past the age of 3 . Right . laughter theres got to be an explanation. Wait. Do we have a shot of his feet . Lets see. Oh oh, there you go. Okay. His feet are on fire i take the whole thing back. laughter those moves are completely justified. Quick juice pour yourself on his shoes juice juice all right, Chris Christie. What are you all about . Come on. Give me the skinny. Thats not a fat joke thats not a fat joke. laughter no, its just a saying. Thats just a saying. Lay on me. I mean lay it on me. Dodged a bullet there. Okay look i know, guys. Heres the thing. Look, here at the nightly show, we really dont want to indulge in making fat jokes about Chris Christie. We think theyre easy. Theyre demeaning. And, frankly, theyre just cheap. But from time to time, we may slip up. laughter so we just wanted to acknowledge this give you a heads up just address the elephant in the room. Thats not a fat joke laughter thats not a fat joke hold on. Guy its thats a guys, thats a true saying. Also, in this case, it would be the elephant in the gymnasium. Right . See . That is a joke. See . See how hard it is . Thats what she said. Larry oh laughter very good, jeb laughter and applause youre absolutely right. That is what she said actually. Okay, chris, what do you have to say . As a candidate for president i want to promise you just a few things. First, a campaign without spin or without pandering or focus focusgrouptested answers. You get what i think whether you like it or not. Larry whoa, is he a doctor . Because thats really good bedside manner. All right. laughter so no spin, no pandering. Youre going to make up your own answers. Got it. So far you sound very qualified. Okay. Lets see if happy feet is still excited. cheers and applause all right. Okay. Hes still jonesin for you. Good job, christie. So tell me, what would your unfocusgrouptested take be on the state of america . Weak leadership. This weakness and indecisiveness handwringing and evasiveness and in65iveness and an economy that is weak, weak. Larry okay. So im sensing you think were weak. And im guessing your opinion is that weak is bad, because you had kind of an attitude when you said it. Why you gotta be so judgy . laughter why you got to be down on america. Usa. Hello, arent you a republican . All right. So how do you plan to eradicate this weakness . The courage to stand up. And stand up. Stand up and fight. Fighting that fight. Now ready to fight. laughter larry okay. All right. Now im sensing you want to fight. laughter all right. Let me see if i can sum up your political philosophy everything is weak. Youre going to beat it up. And were going to like it. laughter all right, floyd mayweather, good luck to you. laughter okay. cheers and applause maybe, well see. I dont know. Ill tell you what, here to talk about todays announcement is Chris Christies High School Classmate and town bully, matt caffarelli. cheers and applause matt, thanks for being here. Thanks for having me, nerd. laughter larry okay. Thats a little weird start. I guess you are the town bully, so i should expect that. Okay. What did you think of christies speech . It was boss as hell honestly, man, i thought he [ bleep ] crushed it you know what i mean . Chris christie is the bully americas been waiting for. laughter larry im sorry, the bully . What exactly do you mean by that . Watch and learn, bob bunson honeydew. Who you talkin about . Damn, man, im governor. Could you just shut up for a second . Your rear ends going to get thrown in jail, idiot. Sit down and shut up. Are you are you stupid . First off, its none of your business. Was that a little blunt, even for you . No. laughter larry he definitely sounds like a bully. How is that good for america . Look, americas like a high school the last three president s were a prom king, a dumb jock, and now a friggin nerd running the joint, you know what i mean . laughter its time for a bully so the natural order can be restored. laughter larry wait. applause cheers so you think the leader of the free world should be a highschoolstyle bully . You got it right four eyes. laughter larry wait, why are you picking on me . Larry, im a bully. Thats what i do. Larry okay. All right. That makes sense. Okay. Just explain to me, how does Chris Christie being a bully president i dunno like, help us in the middle east . Middle east . Please. Why dont you check out this sweet Foreign Policy right here. Larry get the hell off the beach in asbury park and get out. laughter nailed it. Nailed it. Larry wait. Thats Foreign Policy . Listen, pound dexter what is middle east but a pile of sand . Its a giant beach where all our oil is. Which is nice. Think about iran. Youve got the king of iran emperor of iran, whatever he is. Hes trying to build nukes. Obamas all like brbrbr. Thats how he sounds. laughter Chris Christies going to be like, hey, dumbdumb, you cant have nukes. I told you get off our friggin beach larry okay. Boom. Larry okay. First of all i dont think ive heard of a Foreign Policy quite like this. And its really not our beach. Really . laughter larry what are you doing . Two for flinching, buddy. Larry two for flinching . Those are the rules. You flinch you get hit Chris Christie taught me that. Larry all right, fine. But what about domestic issues, like healthcare . Healthcare . Please. Were talking about a guy who literally bullied his weight down. He was like, [ bleep ] you stomach you know what i mean . He was like, stomach, be smaller. Hey, doc, cut me open and put a rubber band around it. You know . And then strangle it. Strangle my stomach. laughter now hes all like, hey, stomach. Heres a peanut. Happy thanksgiving. You know what i mean . laughter no no, go to bed, you piece of [ bleep ]. Larry hold on. Im pretty sure thats not how lapband surgery works. That is literally exactly how it works. laughter larry that is literally the wrong definition of literally. Were just going to have to agree to disagree. Larry we havent agreed on anything all right. laughter thats all the time we have. Well be right back. Larry no, no, no, you dont get to say that. Thats what i say. You think youre better than me . Larry [ bleep ]. laughter youre a big bully do what he says go to commercial. Well be right back. Youre a big bully. cheers and applause music im supposed to tell you how it feels when you book the perfect Family Vacation on hotels. Com. But i think hes kinda nailing it. music hotels. Com. They dont need me right now. This is smith forge hard cider. Its like buford here. Strong. Sturdy. But not too sweet. Buford built from apples. Built to refresh. Smith forge hard cider. Now on draft. We arent looking for just any college students. Were looking for the ones ready to take classes after day jobs after kids go to bed before the sun comes up. On a campus, on a Kitchen Table on a countertop, or all of the above. And who want professors wholl work with them in all those places. Because these students arent afraid to work hard, and deserve a university that isnt either. If youre that kind of student youre our kind of different. Devry university. Different. On purpose. Thats amazing. Its amazing. This is amazing. Thats amazing real people are discovering surprising things at chevy. Were sold. Its so pretty. Theyre goodlooking cars. It feels great. Perfect. This is not what i would expect from a chevy at all. Get more than you expect, for less than you imagined at the chevy 72 hour sale. Now, get zero percent financing for seventytwo months on most 2015 chevy vehicles. Hurry, the clock is ticking. Get yours now. The seventytwo hour sale ends july 9th. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Larry welcome back. cheers and applause okay, everybody. This is a story ive been waiting to do. All right . Its time for the nightly shows newest and most expensive segment handsome ape update laughter larry okay. No, i didnt say the opening was the most laughter heres the story guys. I dont know if you heard about it. Theres this ape in japan that everyone is going crazy about its the most oh. laughter oh here, ricky. Are we not running my piece about bullies . Larry ricky velez, everyone. cheers and applause what are we doing . Larry im sorry, man. We had to bump that. We kind of covered bullies in the christie thing. And this is a big story in japan. Were about to go live to our handsome ape situation. Oh, cool. I just thought bullying was an important issue, you know, something the nightly show would be covering. If you want to talk about cute apes go ahead. Thats weird. laughter larry well, i kind of did actually. Hes unusually handsome, and he broods everything. laughter and, well, were going to lose the blimp satellite link soon so okay, sure. Yeah, do what you got to do, man. Bullying impacts millions of peoples lives, but, okay, ape it. laughter larry okay, fine, ricky. Go ahead and show your piece on bullying. Awesome. Thanks, larry. Okay, everyone. Welcome to rickys world. How many of you were bullied growing up . I get a lot. And thats. [ bleep ] up. Mention i said growing you, because if youre being bullied now as an adult thats on you. Dont be a pussy. Kids being bullied, man, thats messed up. I know because i was bullied growing up right here in queens. I got this one kid stole my bike in the third grade, stole my waurlet in the 12th grade, and now i goat see how bad his life going on facebook. laughter the only right way to use facebook is to check in on the miserable people that used to make you miserable. Dont argue. Im right about this. The other day he writes a status to his dead dad, hey dead dad love you miss you hope i never disappoint you really . Like his dads up in heaven saying, let me check my facebook. Gheets to heaven and still have to log in . If theres facebook in the afterlife, you are in hell. laughter dont even write the status. I felt bad. I had a heart. So i made fat facebook as his dad and wrote him back. Hey, just got back from the two pack concert. That was a lot of fun. Yes, are you disappointed. Ricky velez wants his bike back, bitch. Welcome to my world. Im ricky velez. cheers and applause larry thanks, ricky. I think he was saying, dont bully. Well be right back. cheers and applause verizon say neversettle. Tmobile agrees. Never settle for verizons overpriced gimmicks. Try the uncarrier riskfree for 14 days youll love it, or well pay for you to go back. I see stories in peoples faces. In their hands. In their eyes. People tell me stories without saying one word. So i listen. Then i give it back. What are you chasing . Hennessy. Never stop. Never settle. Okay, what is this . Its chewy. Really icy. Wooh. Thats intense it just hits you. Its gum. No. Its totally a mint its disappearing as i am chewing it. Where did it go . Its not a gum. Not a mint. Its a totally new cool. New ice breakers cool blasts. Thanks for calling angies list. How may i help you . I heard i could call angies list if i needed work done around my house at a fair price. 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With 4 weekly drawings for a chance to win 250,000. minions ba da ba ba ba the tripadvisor youve always trusted for reviews, book checks over 200 websites to find Hotel Savings up to 30 . Book. Book so dont just visit tripadvisor. Book at tripadvisor. cheers and applause larry welcome back. Im here with my panel. His new show benders premiers on ifc this fall, comedian chris distefano. Thank you. cheers and applause larry shes a host at huffpost live, alyona minkovski. cheers and applause and he and the culture club are launching their north american tour july 17th grammynominated performer and songwriter, legend boy george cheers and applause always a lot going on. You know, first as everybody knows, on friday the Supreme Court ruled in favor of legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states. We talked about this cheers and applause boy george, as a brit, do you have a reaction to america finally coming around . What is your take on it . I just i never understood its such a conservative idea that conservative people would love the fact that gay people wanted to be married. I thought theyd embrace the idea. Larry well, the second part of it, i would agree with you. Wanting to be married. The first part gay people wanting to be married. laughter . I think people should mind their own business. Also, if you dont want to get involved in gay marriage just dont do it. Dont marry a guy or a woman. cheers and applause you know, its like it just baffles me why people care. Theres so many more important things. Im really glad people can do it and now we can get just forget it bit. Marriage is marriage. Larry you getting married . No. You have to first find somebody to marry you. laughter larry now gay receptions. Yeah gay divorce. Whos keeping the ming vauz. laughter . Larry exactly. I wanted to this weekend i guess it was gay pride weekend almost everywhere, i suppose, right . There are parts in the world i dont know whats going on. But this weekend we talked about this in our open, there was an ultraorthodox jewish group. They hired mexican day laborers to hold up signs to oppose the gay pride. Is this a thing now, outsourcing your outrage . I mean laughter seriously, what do you think about that . Its cowardly is what it is. If you have your hate preferably, you would leave it at home and not bring it out on streets. Larry you say its not resourceful. Its cowardly in that you wont put your face behind it and its also exploitation. These are clearly people that needed a buck and so youre paying them to go out and protest for you. Larry what was the first question, do you guys read english . Oh, good, we have a job for you. laughter . Here you go. Its creating employment. I dont know how much they paid them. 3 for the whole day probably. They dont give them any money. Larry and i think they were being jeered but theyre hired to do that. Whos more responsible, people who would hire them or People Holding up the signs . The people that hired them. Larry if somebody hired you to hold up a sign, would you do it . They pay good money. Well, yeah, if you pay me good laughter i doubt they got paid good money. They did it to do it. But, of course its the person. Look at these guys. These guys didnt know. They probably just hold up the sign, do it. That one guy was dressed up like a hasidic jew. laughter look at that guy larry oh, my god. Come on larry what is that . He doesnt look like that. He dressed he got the curls and the hat on. Larry thats crazy. Its i know. He went for it. Larry all right. I want to get to Chris Christie real quick. Chris christie is running for president. I feel like hes trying to do this macho image. Do we think its important for america to have a macho president . Why does it always seem like that thats a thing . I dont think i think, look, bottom line Chris Christies just hes a fat italian guy from new jersey so hes going to come off like hes going to jiggle his balls when he does his inaugural address. laughter thats just who he is. I got to be honest, look as an italian guy, thats my obama right there. Im not laughter larry wait, wait. Hold on a second. Hold on. Hold up. The italian guy jiggling his balls is your obama. laughter . My obama. Listen, i dont know what the hell hes talking about. Im not a republican. But hes probably a yankee fan. And im going to go for it. I think ill vote for him. I dont know. laughter larry the thing is he got in trouble for hugging obama. Have you ever got in trouble for hugging a black guy . laughter not that i know of. Thing with Chris Christie is you have to be careful of this cult of personality. People just say oh, thats just the way he is. We love that hes so brash. Hes telling it like it is. Thats his whole Campaign Message at the moment. You have to look at his policies. This is somebody who could potentially be in a position of power, already in the state where he is the governor new jersey resident its dont like him. The latest opinion poll shows about 30 larry thats why hes getting out, right . T bz n laughter . The property rate went in new jersey under his watch. The infrastructure is crumbling. Hes destroying the Public Schools and the Teachers Union is actually something you should Pay Attention to. cheers and applause larry what is the whole take on whats going on here . Does it just seem crazy . No, it just seems the same as ecland but a different accent. laughter politicians arent popular in the u. K. Larry you got fight on the floor of the house of parliament there. Yes, its very polite sort of its like polite abuse. I pointed to you. laughter thats the of. laughter . Its kind of weird. Like a schoolyard maybe Chris Christie would belong there. Do they wear the wigs in Parliament Still . I wouldnt be able to take anybody serious. Judges wear wigs. The judges in court. I dont think they wear them in the houses of parliament. They have special occasions where they do the thing and they have this i dont know some period thing happens. Ceremonies. We love ceremonies in england. I want to get arrested in england so bad with this wig judge and just laugh my ass off. Go to england and say, hey im here to jiggle my balls and run england. laughter well be right back right after this. cheers and applause larry if you live in the new york city area or planning to visit, grab some free tickets to an upcoming taping of the the nightly show, monday through thursday. For complete details go to the thenightlyshow. Com tickets. cheers and applause this summer you could win tickets every hour to concerts of your choice oh, awesome yeah but only with pepsi. Yes oh, at least your names on the bottle. Do i look like a larry to you . 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Larry thats our show i want to thank our panelists, alyona minkovski, chris distefano, and boy george. cheers and applause jim gaffigan is here tomorrow. Goodnightly, everyone cheers and applause