Of you first of all if i may, if you could tell our audience who you have lost and what that person meant to you. My names dwain stewart. This is my brother kieran, and we lost our little brother, lamar stewart, two years ago. He meant the world to our family. He was like the baby of the family, so he was always at home. Youd go to the house and expect to see him there, and we no longer see him there any more. What would you say kieran, what did he mean to you . He was my favourite person, if you want me to be totally honest, always spent so much time with him and his heart wasjust so forgiving and so big. Its been one of the hardest things ive had to deal with ever. Mark, hello. James was our life, and. Can we see the photograph ofjames . Although he was 25 of the family, in actual fact, now hes gone, it feels like half the familys disappeared with him. He was very loud, very lively, and the silence in the house is deafening. Neville, hello. Yeah, im neville, i lost my little brother. He was my role model. As you can see in the photo he was a boxer, i decided to take up boxing as well. He used to always take care of us, when it wasjust my mum as a single parent, he used to take it up himself, take that burden on to help everyone else up. Aj. Good morning. Im a]. I lost my son. He was the family celebrity. He was the second grandchild but oldest grandson, so his siblings and cousins, it was always a special occasion when i was around. Thank you a]. Hi stanley. Hi, im stanley, jermaines father. And my son meant a lot to me. He was just like my best friend. He was, yeah, he wasjust everything to me, the world. He meant a lot, to the family, everybody. Community. All of his friends, everybody. You know, somebody we really loved, admired. Strength, he gave us a lot of love in our hearts, tojust live. He was just a special boy. Very special. Thank you. Jermaine was my little cousin but he was more like a little brother to me. He was the life and soul of the party, christmases, birthdays, he was always there dancing, having fun, i have so many memories ofjermaine, ofjust partying, like funnyjokes with him and now that hes gone, christmases and birthdays feel so much different. It is hard tojust know that hes gone, even though hes gone to a better place, but that void is massive. Thank you. Im jasons dad, and since hes gone, its not affected just home, its everywhere. His workplace. His friends, the local football club. And like many of these young men here, he was the life and soul of our family, and not having him here any more is just the biggest kick in the teeth for anyone. I am paul, im the father of kamari burns. We lost him at the age of 15. He was a lot to our family, and losing him has brought a big hole in our family which, trying to fill that void, its hard. He was our kamari marley. He was our future bob marley. And. His future was bright and its just been taken away, like that, at a snap. Just. Its devastating. Im ricky, and to echo what paul said about kamari, the loss of kamari notjust for the family, but also for the community, he was a real figurehead for many young people, which we didnt even know, and me and him used to have a secret little banter, where anywhere i used to turn up, he would turn up, and we used to have this banter of oh, i was here first, no, you was here first. And finding out how many young people he actually touched, younger and older than him, amazed us, and the effect he had across the whole community in such a short space of time was amazing. He was your nephew. Yes. We were Close Friends but we were like brothers. Yeah. Weve been friends from way before kamari was born, so ive known him from birth to we went through this. Hello, im russell brown, i lost my son Russell Barty Brown in 2016. Barty was our life, he was everybodys life. The community. When he passed, a light went out in our area. People came from far and wide to see the light go out in his mum and sisters eyes, seeing his niece still upset now, she was three years old at the time. Shes six now and she still misses him. Everybody misses barty. Every year we have a thing for his birthday and hundreds come. Because he was just there, he was everybodys friend. He brought everybody home for food. Our house was always full. And his good friends, they still come and sit in bartys chair, they still come and talk to us. Theyve never left our side and say, for him to go that way, that quick, just wrong. He had a lot to give this world. He really did. Im paul, im deans younger brother, he wasntjust a brother to me when i was growing up. He taught me everything i needed to be a man. He was more than a brother, he was like my dad to me. A massive hole has happened to my family. And nothing will cure that. Imjamie. Im pauls friend. Been friends for a long while, and just absolutely seen the devastation that has been left to his family, and the hole, and its just terrible. Thank you, all of you, im also going to introduce Martin Griffiths who is here, good morning. The nhs Violent Crime reduction chief for london and also a trauma surgeon from the royal london hospital, and we will bring martin in a little later. I wonder if any of you still think that your son, your nephew, your cousin, your brother, is going to walk in the room any moment . Because you dont believe it . Yeah. Yeah, i have a studio back at home, and my brother was always putting his bike up against my window, and its a big shop front window and he always used to clang and i always told him off. Stop putting your bike on the window, youre going to smash it. He was like no, its all right bruv, and hed come running in, he was short, so hed come running in. Take your time. Hed use the toilet. Raid my sweet drawer, give me a kiss on the head. See you soon. Hed be back out, it was like the cross road journey for his bike ride, from one of his mates to the other. Yeah, my son didnt live with me, me and his mother hadnt been together for many years but when he would come, he was 16, just before, he wouldnt call me to say he was coming, hed just turn up. Any time the door goes randomly, theres that sinking feeling that i know that a random knock on the door is never going to be him again. Even though you hear the random knocking, you have that. That misguided hope, you just know it aint going to happen. When you heard about the death of your loved one, was it a knock on the door, was it a phone call . What happened 7 lets bring in mark. It was our daughter crashing through our bedroom door at a little after midnight to say thatjames had been stabbed. She was hysterical, we were asleep and she woke us out of our sleep. Thats all she said. She went straight up to the scene, which was about 300 yards from ourfront door, and we followed her, and we all abandoned our cars in the road, to witness our son having open heart surgery on the pavement. Were you able to get close to him or not . No, we had to stand at a distance and the paramedics worked for an hour trying to save him, and eventually he passed away. And we were allowed to go to him. But hed already gone. So. Did others experience that feeling of being told you have to keep back, because clearly Emergency Services are working on your loved one, to try and keep them alive . Yeah. It is one of the hardest things. I was basically third on the scene, two Police Officers were already there, and my partner was at a friends house. Im at home and it was like a race to get there. And when you get there, i was literally stood there and it seemed like within seconds you are getting shooed away, thats my son, and, you know, all these thoughts are running through your head, and you dont know how to deal with it and you have someone telling you go away please. I understand now, but at the time i didnt, and it isjust the biggest kick in the teeth. In terms of the phone call i got, when my phone rings now, thats all i expect, bad news. Really . My heart pounds i dont know if any of you in the studio, someone says i will call you at a certain time, so when it rings at any other time, my heart completely stops, i expect bad news. Do women and men grieve differently . Very much. Definitely. That is unanimous. Yes. Give us some examples, what do you mean . As men we are not meant to really show emotions, so we are meant to keep them in check, be the brave one, but it is our loved ones thats gone. I used to cry every day for my son, every day. In front of other people or alone . I used to keep it by myself, in the beginning stage, i didnt really care, if it was in front of whoever, but in the latter stages, i used to be at home, because im at home in the four walls looking at pictures of my son. Yeah, every day, every day, its not so bad now, because as time goes on, you. Adjust. You learn to live with the situation which im trying to do now. I am learning to cope with it, live with it, but, yeah, we grieve differently, we are meant to hold our emotions. Does everybody agree with that, you are expected to hold your emotions in . I felt the women of the family, they spoke more about it, as the family came around them, and supported them as women, a lot more than the men did. I suppose its partly, friends and family were around as men but trying to express yourself in a room of men is quite difficult, whereas women, i felt as though they were open to expressing themselves among each other. It felt as though us as men were isolated in comparison to the way the ladies had to. You are expressing yourself now in a room full of men. The women could openly show how they felt. 0n the day, one of my friends said ricky i dont know how to feel, i dont know how to show what is going on, i know what is going on, but what do we do . And all the men that were there, none of them showed their real emotion of how they felt or. I mean, it is hard because you are lost, we want to support paul in a way we could support paul as men, but then none of us are showing our emotions, so it is kind of distant. For me, i think its the process of time, which has allowed everyone to be here. So for me, i dont know, the first 18 months i had to literally wait until everyone was in bed, i could get a picture out and look at him, have those moments, cry and talk and whatever. I wouldnt be able do that when the kids get in from school. It is dinner time, homework time, its and you just dont want to see dad upset. Is thats what you feel, if you show, that if you crack the family will crack. Definitely. Like i found myself, i was fast forwarded into a position of strength that was automatically given to me. Me and my brother were the only boys in the family. We were the only boys in the family and we were the strength of the family. To take on what he had to take on, on a daily basis, to have his strength, having to be given to us to keep everyone together, you know, my family fell apart, like, in seconds. Did any of you feel ignored, in terms of your grief . Because you were the man . I think as men, we kind of, we kind of, we feel as if we are not allowed to show our emotion, because everyone shows emotion, so if everyones cracking who is holding this thing together . So but, as much as we want to show emotion again, it is like, how do we . From a personal perspective, like from a west indian culture, men dont cry. You just brush off and just say, i saw it go kind of thing, and you kind of get on with it, but. You cant get on with it, because. Your world is, i dont know how to be a parent to three kids because i used, because im a parent to four, now i have to parent three and it is like well, how do i do that . I was a father to a son and three daughters, how do i . But then i have to hold that emotion when i am around my daughters, i cant be showing them i dont know how to be that cool, crazy dad any more. What do you think would happen if you showed your emotion to your daughters, what do you think would happen . Subconsciously or realistically . Realistically. I must admit, my big daughters, my big two, now 16 and 13, they are, they are, they are the most amazing they say to me all the time, especially my eldest, she says cry. And do you . The little one says, its all right to cry. And they see dads pain. And it, it hurts them to see me not releasing my pain, because they know that once the pains released, we can kind of move forward. Yeah. So in a realistic world its like, its ok to do it, but subconsciously its like, well, im dad. Im not a cry baby, im dad. Im the one that should be like telling you guys, come on now, not you telling me. So as men its hard to be like, let somebody else nurse me through, like before, if a man tried to do this before i would try to brush it off. Im like keep it there, because i need that. As men, we are not allowed to say come on man, i need that. But you are. You are and your girls sound amazing. My daughters are great. I am going to bring in Martin Griffiths. He is a trauma surgeon and the nhs Violent Crime reduction chief for london. You have cared for hundreds, you have lost 50 under your care. I wanted to ask you again, from the male perspective, when you walk from the operating theatre, to the room where relatives are waiting for you, and you have to tell them that you havent been able to save their son or nephew or brothers life, what is going through your head as you walk towards that room . One word dread. Ive done this far too many times. And as i walk from my team, who are devastated, they have lost this boy on the table, i know as i walk with the nurses with me, i am going to break a familys heart. I am going to destroy countless lives with these words. I have to do it, the family deserve to know the truth, their boy is dead. No shilly shallying, no hope, no misconception, tell the truth. But the reaction is heartbreaking. Sometimes it is tears, sometimes it is anger, sometimes it is nothing, and that is devastating and then you have to try and explain how, why, but no one is listening. Everybody is emoting. People are numb. It is difficult. I think what i want to say to all of you, is this stuff happens because men cant share their emotions. Men resort to violence because they cant say what they feel. They cant explain how they are feeling about life. They choose to act in ways they are allowed to behave. That means shouting, physicality and violence. And this stuff happens because men cant talk about their feelings to each other. If we could do this, this wouldnt happen, it wouldnt happen. Do people agree with that, disagree . Let me bring in mark. Sorry, i do agree, yes. I mean, we are, we are very different to women, arent we, so i am not surprised to hear that, but we need more of that kind of open approach for men to be able to talk to etch a other. Neville, what would you say . I, i dont know, because i found out quite late, and when i found out i went straight to bed, and ijust got like a few hours of sleep and went to school. You went to school the next day when you found out. . I thought it was a nightmare, i was only in year 11, i was doing my gcses. I went to school and i realised everythings happening right now and thats when i broke down. But i think that was one of the only times i broke down. When you went to school, did you say my brothers been stabbed . I didnt want to tell anyone. I didnt want the attention, and everyone round me, because that wouldnt have helped me, it wouldnt have brought him back. That is how i thought as a 16 year old, but then eventually, everyone found out. I told a teacher i felt comfortable telling, and from then i was looked after in school. In terms of the way you are treated as men, when you are grieving, compared to the way women are treated, russell, what happened to you . We went to do a talk at trafalgar square, for the standing together christian charity, my wife and i was waiting to go on stage, she was next to a woman, and she said what you doing here . , she said my husband is doing a talk. She said wouldnt it come better from you . She said why . Does my husband grieve any less than me . She couldnt my missus had to get up and walk away from this woman. Why would it be better . I feel for my son as much as she did, you know. Why do you think you are ignored sometimes . I think the women have carried the child. I was going to say that. And given birth to the child. So there is an automatic empathy, particularly from women to women, because they have a shared experience. I think that is what it is. I want to bring in martin. You will have heard this argument about, you know, there arent enough youth clubs services, there have been cuts to various sectors since 2010. I wont ask you about policy because that is not your area, what do you think we can do to try and reduce the number of knife crime victims . I think it is very difficult. I think that the problems stem from the society we live in. Lack of understanding, lack of wanting to share our own burdens and what young people need is nurturing relationship with people they trust and care. They need to have the opportunity to develop. That is notjust a parental thing, it is society. We need to have the opportunity to communicate effectively. What we see is lots of young people, lots of inequality, they want to feel significant and do things which are incredibly dangerous. You ask a young person why they carry a weapon, they can give you reasons why. It makes sense to that skewed mentality, that skewed belief system they have, because that is the way they have been brainwashed to believe the world should be, that is how men behave, that is how men behave. That is what people. That is how it is where im from. And that cant be right. It cant be right in this society. And we need to challenge those understanding, we need to make society a more open place, we need to discuss how all agencies can work together, because we need to put together parents, communities, social service, education, law enforcement, local and Big Government together on the same table and listen to each other. Because the Solutions Lie in our community. I am going to thank you all. Thank you very much for being so open and honest. Thank you. And i will give you the action line website of course if you want to talk to organisations, to get help or support, then, please do. They can point you in the right direction. We are back live monday morning at ten. Thanks for watching. Hello once again. The picture behind me look so very autumnal in so many ways. Yes, the pumpkins are ready for halloween, but many areas have seen quite a bit of rain. You have to go quite a long way north in scotland to see somewhat drier, brighter conditions, at least in the short term. This is the set up as we see it at the moment, areas of low pressure dominating the scene, another one just moving into the south western approaches, more about that in just a second. The rain should, before the day is done, clear away from the southern half of britain. It will take longer to clear the heart of scotland, but eventually, i think it will probably will do. Then the rain returns back into the south eastern quarter, just when you thought you had seen the last of it. A new area of low pressure closing in into the south western quarter. It is going to end up being quite a chilly night, away from all the cloud and rain, across the southern counties of britain. This is the set up for monday, plenty of weather fronts around again, the waving front of the weekend back again into the south eastern quarter. A pretty miserable start to the week. The rain will be indeterminate in just how far north its going to get, it could get up to lincolnshire a little bit quicker than im showing you, could be over towards birmingham. What is a little bit more certain is that that second area of low pressure, with its fronts, will spread cloud and rain towards cornwall, into the western side of wales, and certainly into Northern Ireland it could be quite wet here. Eventually, up into the western side of scotland. If you get it, you keep it, because that isnt an awful lot of wind at this stage. Temperatures about par for the time of year, some dry weather across north and eastern scotland, the north of england, for a time. Watch out overnight because that rain really ramps up, met Office Warning already in force for the intensity of that rain. But into the body of tuesday, it moves out for the most part into the north sea, save for the North Eastern quarter of scotland, wet here again. Tuesday, a pretty decent sort of day, but it crumbles towards the end of the day as another set of atlantic fronts bring more cloud and wind and rain back in towards Northern Ireland. Its that set of fronts which, during the course of wednesday, push quite rapidly across the british isles. Brighter skies following on behind, but the rain never really getting away from the far north east of scotland, nor indeed, the far south east of england. Wednesday, improving. Thursday and friday, a mixture of sunny spells and for many. This is bbc news. The headlines Borisjohnson Boris johnson told borisjohnson told his cabinet a b rex it borisjohnson told his cabinet a brexit deal is on the horizon but there is still significant work to do to get there. As the Party Conference gets under way in aberdeen, the snp calls on other opposition parties at westminster to pull together to defeat the conservatives. Every day that labour mps fight with themselves and run scared from a general election is another day that we are suffering from the tories being in power the family of harry dunn, who died in a collision with an American Woman who then fled to the us, are flying there now, hoping for a meeting. Hundreds are reported to have escaped from a camp in northern syria, Holding Family members of Islamic State fighters