10/21/2023 – Michigan 49, Michigan State 0 – 8-0, 5-0 Big Ten Somewhere in this country there is a person making approximately minimum wage who is tasked with finding benign videos to put on scoreboards across the country. It is a hideously dull job and he or she spends most of their time at work staring blankly at a screen, half focused. When something useful shows up, it's bookmarked and put in a bin. This person is not watching question #28 in a 40-question quiz that takes 16 minutes to get through. After the second question is "what are crayons made of" they put it in the Michigan State bin on the off chance it convinces Spartans to draw with the things instead of eating them*. Then they spend 15 minutes playing solitaire. Some weeks or months later, a jaunty Hitler shows up on the Spartan Stadium scoreboard next to an ad for Meijer. Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pic.twitter.com/DvNk6A3vn5 — Alexander Haenke (@aphaenke) October 21, 2023 That person did not have a bad day on Saturday. That person got fired, shrugged, and had an edible. That person's boss had a bad day. And that person's boss, and that person's boss, and so forth and so on up the chain until we reach the Michigan State administrator who chewed out a person at Company X after being chewed out himself. Having to type up "hitler apology.doc" while the team is losing 42-0 to its most despised rival is an actual sports info director nightmare — Jason Kirk (jasonkirk.fyi on bluesky) (@JasonKirk_fyi) October 22, 2023 These people have living wages and car payments. Our quiz selector has… edibles. You can only lose something if you felt like you had something. The person at the bottom of the totem pole with a life of dull-eyed drudgery stretching out for eons in front of them feels nothing. This is the bright side for Michigan State fans. ------------------------------------------------ On the other side of the equation, Michigan dominated a rivalry game to an extent not seen since the 1950s. Every box was checked: abject humiliation, fancy QB stats, taking over the opponent's stadium in the first quarter, revenge for all the various offenses perpetrated. In the aftermath, Michigan sang a very silly song at piercing volume… Michigan postgame chants after stomping MSU pic.twitter.com/KNWXpOqXMe — Ryan Zuke (@ryanzuke) October 22, 2023 …and Mike Sainristil took 12 seconds at the end of his NBC interview—12 seconds NBC did not want to give him—to say "real quick, hey, c'mere, c'mere—real quick." At this point the interviewer interjects with "Mikey, thanks so much" because she has been directed from on high to get this back to the studio. Mike Sainristil says no, you will not do this, and then he grabs Ja'Den McBurrows and says "the adversity he went through, what happened last year in that tunnel, to come out and have game like he did tonight—an interception, three-four tackles—Ja'Den McBurrows! Stay tuned!" As he is doing this, JJ McCarthy is putting the imaginary crown on McBurrows, like he does everyone who scores a touchdown, or blocks for a touchdown, or happens to be in the area when a touchdown happens. It feels like he is overjoyed that he can put a crown on someone on defense for once. Here it is: Michigan does not forgive or forget. But the way they get revenge is to go about their business. Michigan didn't endanger anyone's health or safety outside the rule book Saturday, as the Michigan State athletic department ludicrously suggested they might. They treated Michigan State just like any other opponent… mostly. It was in the back of their heads, the way a one-sided assault on two innocent players had been both-sided by the media, the way an as-yet unsubstantiated report has caused the college football media's various MSU/OSU partisans and Medill graduates to wishcast absurd punishments on the nation's most dominant team. McBurrows responded by coming after the beatdown had commenced and simply continuing it. Michigan put German Green, Gemon's twin brother, on the field for the last snap and he came up with a TFL. There's no need for revenge. The fact that this is Michigan's team and that is Michigan State's team is revenge enough. [Barron] *[Quiz questions that get filed in the Michigan bin include "What was Erwin Rommel's fatal mistake during the Siege of Tobruk?" and "What is your most passionately held opinion you have absolutely no evidence to support?"] AWARDS Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week [Barron] you're the man now, dog #1 JJ McCarthy. A confession: I do try to switch it up in the Known Friends and Trusted Agents to prevent the monotony of the same guy being at the top constantly. This is not really possible this year. Your new Heisman favorite was 21/27 for 287 yards and four TDs in 40 minutes of gametime. Agog. #2(T) AJ Barner and Colston Loveland. Harbaugh probably thought the rapture was going on as Michigan beat MSU 49-0 and his top two tight ends combined for 178 receiving yards and three touchdowns—and it would have been four but for a Donovan Edwards flinch at the end of the half. Barner mostly shed whatever reputation he might have had as a blocking tight end with a bevy of downfield catches, some contested and others difficult. Barner continues to turn in improbable YAC events. Loveland, meanwhile, is pure death whenever he gets a LB assignment. Five points each; they deserve it. #3 Ja'Den McBurrows. Had an interception and a TFL; had a couple more good tackles in space; dominated a slant route and only failed to get a PBU on it because the ball was wide. Given the dispersion of defensive snaps—he tied for fourth in tackles!—this is only kinda sorta about last year. Dude looked like a worthy replacement for Sainristil. As the man himself said, stay tuned. Honorable mention: Mike Sainristil had an admittedly free pick six and, more importantly for this section, demanded that NBC not cut away until he could shout out McBurrows. Junior Colson was everywhere; Derrick Moore had a thunderous sack and only missed a second by a bare margin. Kris Jenkins and Mason Graham were entirely unblockable. KFaTAotW Standings. (points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.) 43: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU, #1 MSU)23: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb, HM MSU)15: Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU, HM MSU)13: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU, HM MSU)10: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU), AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU, T2 MSU)9: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska)8: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU, T2 MSU)7: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska), Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn)6: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV), Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers, HM MSU)4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb, HM MSU)3: Will Johnson(#3 Minn), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU)2: Josh Wallace (T3 ECU)1: Tommy Doman (HM ECU), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU), Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers),Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Kalel Mullings (HM Minn), The Offensive Line (HM Minn), Keon Sabb (HM Minn), Josiah Stewart (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU) Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week JJ McCarthy gets set up with a third and thirteen on Michigan's first drive, gets late pressure, moves out of the pocket, and calmly nails AJ Barner to convert. In itself, not incredible. As an emblem of JJ McCarthy in this game, ah yup. Honorable mention: uh… everything else. MAR