Its people its economy and the way it deals with the rest of the world the bottom line only on aljazeera. I am thinking ok today on the string were talking about india matchmaking the process of a range marriage and also india matchmaking the net flix to the series it netflix in july it was a huge instant hit it which binge where the whos a creep. Relax and leave a word youre. Going to burgle boxing in front of me really. Not for me i will never see my didnt see and im here to help. Them out it just. So depressing scary ditcher very good example for matchmaker denies both prejudice and sense of humor. And comedy. Declaring they want someone having equal to my pain i just meant is also important enough to be sucked into the bosom of the prisoners to be but i dont think that is not glossy for im really close and my mom. Just judge me if it doesnt play in the ways man man has were not going to find that a lot i recite this. People has many opinions about indian matchmaking you can share your thoughts by jumping into the comments and you can be part of this conversation. Im going to see how the guests the guests were introduced and sounds to new heights great to have you here on the street. Im writing wonder im creator and executive producer and in much. Great having you how liason your welcome to the street tell everybody. By everyone my name city youll hear it at the founder of surf coffee a dating service for indians or old world great poland welcome to the stream introduce yourself to our internationally. I very happy to be here im borrowing one diary im an associate professor of sociology at gen the Global University in india and my ph d. Was on match making practices in india. So what happened do you think in july when everybody started to what india matchmaking with your professional expertise apply what could you say actually happened but i mean. Well i mean they would talk to reasons broadly one is that people could relate to the show so many at least several indians the many of them or at least even people that i worked with i researched on been indians many of them have solicited services of matchmakers so there was one element of faith which is that we can relate to it we understand whats happening and then there was a there was another group which also felt that look this is what happens this is how indian picture hockey works this is how colorism works and obviously when its sort of right there in your face staring at staring at you in your face you just feel you know youre just if youre going over bombed and you feel angry at it as well and it gets personal that she some of the beautiful pictures you created this amazing world of romance im going to show some with the pictures his was over the top with that on my laptop and were also you were doing was bringing into the mainstream right across the world what its like to date for a life partner tell us what was the plan. You know the idea was to create a dating show from the very culturally specific point of view of. You know middle class and upper middle class in the end. You know theres no one show that can represent the entire experience of 1400000000 indian people d around the world so the slice of life that we focused on for this for season in particular was you know through the mud and through her client sima samar from them by our matchmaker and through her clients and i wanted to really examine the aspects of you know i think a range of measures of a triggering term and i think if you watch the show youll see that we the way we use that word is the looser stuff edition you know there are instances where you know i mean people have completely agency the people who find you know their Life Partners on their own on the show and there are people who go through a more traditional arranged marriage you know route a somewhat more traditional arranged marriage route so theres a wide spectrum i think of what we were trying to show and also you know just show that that the way the tension between our traditions and our modern so you know its i think were very much in that you know in that transitional phase right now particularly with this generation so for me its interesting as a filmmaker its interesting just to examine that dynamic through the lens of something thats as relatable as dating in marriage you cant use an instant feedback case to me cheaply cheap is nice to see you can buy that and i enjoyed the show it was interesting to see how Indian Culture views mary going to china is i left the series was so good season to sing 3 and then you said im keith says im going to put this to use a new matchmaking is a great way to help surely people get married to new. Well not just shy people but all sorts of people i think. I mean i got into this business because as a smithy pointed out you youve got a 1000000000 and a half people roughly around the world. And for some reason we have as if youre of Indian Origin youve almost akin success to getting married youre not quite successful until. You know youve been hitched and this is something ive observed when i lived in india as well as counterparts from within eons around the world so became a viable model and you juxtapose that with all the complexities of. Having an arranged marriage and a very a growing young population which is modernizing day by day then you have a very complex sort of ecosystem to navigate through and thats where we come in how do you make sense 22000 in contemporary terms. Do you. Share so the premise of the arranged part of arranged marriage i think holds true so the idea idea that someone who knows you quite well makes a well educated recommendation for you go hang out with someone to see if theres a spark thats thats pretty thats thats a valid approach i think and weve retained that through our dating and Matchmaking Service what is not as valid probably is the metrics that that person uses to evaluate who is a good match right so you know how a halt when theyre what time of the year theyre born you know their complection or their height doesnt make for a career marriage it may make it may in advance what you are you chasing a wedding or a marriage and it is so we are in pain they arrange hard but those metrics need to be changed for things like do you like skiing do you like cold weather do you want children and are you a meat eater. So yes you know. Yeah i mean i think look i think this is a very. A triggering topic for a lot of people which is you know why i just i understand english completely expecting a lot of the strong reactions official got. And i think what we need to think about we need to think about 2 things one is that our values our traditions as indians are very much in flux right now in a way that you know in this particular generation in a way that we havent seen. You know in the past 5 or 6 generations prior to this things were the same for generation after generation and then suddenly in one generation everything is changing so not everybodys going to come along you know on that journey at the same pace you know there are people who so vocally traditional values conservative values progressive values and problematic ideas that may not even recognize the reason that for example my mother you know who considers herself a very liberal progressive person might still you know i have at one point you know in. You know so the journey of trying to get me a life partner i still believe that i would have been happiest with you know a hindu maradi guy you know like somebody from my community from my background you know similar education level etc and the reason for that would be should god run. But the reason for the reasons about it is that you know traditionally from the back of that she comes from women so went to go live with their husbands family after marriage and from her perspective and from the perspective of seema and some other people but easiest path you know to transitioning from your mothers house to your father from your Fathers House to your father or mother out was to have that father in laws house be a similar to the Fathers House as possible so that was them that was sort of a framework you know which through which people were evaluating those obviously superstition involved too and i know the underlying implicit in all of this are some very problematic things. You know maintaining you know past you know. Things community bloodlines things like that but i think on the surface level people were thinking especially if you have daughters youre thinking you want that daughter to feel as at home in her new home as possible so if you were raised by japan and you know you maybe it would be difficult for you to adjust in a meeting household if you were raised to know a certain religion on a certain background that would be difficult to adjust that change in my generation im married to a brazilian irish man you know who you know we live a completely different life but you know all that understanding is not going to happen overnight but everybodys just employ people to have i understand the urgency of our meeting to show that some of our more regressive ideas but i think you know lets also think about where people are coming from and how we need to bring them along you know on this journey sweetie im going to bring in a clip from. A documentary that you make will see tobacco coming up here online not too you can see the post and for it and it tells the story of 3 indian women trying to get married and eating meat we have seen on t. V. You also a piece an indian matchmaking and shes going through come to react to you its really really important who do you want what do you want what is your family home for you have a listen to some of that content. Theres a new windows box boy dont you think that itll sort of the red. Line. Should be. Going on do you think. One of the things i noticed when i was looking in the matchmaking as a as a piece of t. V. Was a lot of similarities came out about what was needed from the man and what was needed from the woman what does that tell us about where we are right now in Indian Society and also the. I mean its still a long way to go right and mean as shown in this clip estimate the escutcheon suitable to go there is a very different kinds of expectations from men and women would like to things for these right that wed like to think that recitals it will ring in that say in that way where they would be some kind of equality as it were but there is no 2 ways about it that when it comes to figuring out the criteria for a suitable dried it begins with a set of physical characteristics trask install pretty hair length i want so forth and then moves to value systems so you often find in newspapers newspaper advertisement as well as an action on your websites the stone more than yet traditional and this stone is use more for potential brides than for potential so theres a different kind of expectation from grooms having said that also men also becomes a bit tricky because what is required of them is this kind of very good income and it is a financial package that is looked into and that remains now whether it is a matchmaker whether its a match for me a website or mind you even when it is conversations amongst friends i wouldnt i would watch about dating after having research and i dont know what dating app is like but even in terms of. Getting just choosing someone from your Informal Networks or networks of friendship from your networks of work these kind of gendered ideas suitability are embedded some of us can push to push them back but i suppose many of us are unable to do. So you can i put this team this is a yes because dutch is a ring to ungenerous miss but a little bit earlier she also comes from the dollar a consulate and she does know in const attitudes would be one of the lowest costs and she talks about costs and also the prejudices around cost when people are looking 1st suitable go oh boy to get married to 70 since yes. Lets be clear about one thing in india i mean changes are all about cost in fact it is to arrange marriages the cost estimate has existed for thousands of yes it is how brahmans they are the brahmins marry other assholes and while its done its all you have to do is look at any action and then you will find peace in the infant brides and grooms within their own cost that is why it is so important and quests in this system of any marriage is especially when it goes on in that fictional you know that its only uncritical man you take that statement a range marriages are all about cost. And well. Look at i think its a loaded question were fortunate that in the in the 2nd and the kind of did the segment of the population that we specifically operate in caste and family ideas and parents and what parents want for their child. Were not were not dealing in that sort of clientele but having said that i think the further down the spectrum you get this becomes and operating reality and its really up to the individual. To see if they can free themselves from it so one of the things that i found when i when i sort of coffee i had sort of the modern indian person whos 12 traveled or lives abroad in mind surprisingly we found that. A lot of our clientele are from smaller cities in india and we have more women than men because they prepped the proposition that i get to meet someone. On my terms casually and theyre sort of page you and theyre sort of vetted and theyre serious about marriage yet i have the option to sort of walk away with without them being in on the wiser is a very compelling proposition in a smaller city in india for a woman whos trying to escape her arranged marriage you know and a lot of families tend to think that you know theyre sort of progressive and liberal because they give their child the right to veto the 1st 23 matches and i have a theory that if youre dude number 4 or girl number 5 girl number 4 you are going to get married because theyve used up their 3 lives to veto the progress of parents you know i let you say no 3 times and youve kind of been to this restaurant 3 times already people are starting to talk you know i let you go i let you study abroad but now its time arrange it. And you know this is good intel for anyone whos in that process right now is like we cant wait to see when youre at number 3 or number fool. And we put them to this use went to is. He so he says that in show highlights of constance and which hes president but now this show your show has made us realize how deep is it is a function its pretty trivial its. How do people get these deep intake when. So i think you know what percentage want to comment on what yes because i thought if i tremendous respect for you actually i think she wrote an amazing piece that everyone in the atlantic about in the matchmaking that everyone should read to get a deeper understanding of past as a man and how it actually serve a real implications of passes and if youve enjoyed the show you should absolutely read that piece to get a deeper understanding of these issues. I dont think so i will you know take issue with the idea that anything in india represents all about anything you know it is a very diverse. Country with a lot of different ideals and a lot of ideals that are in flux so arrangement age you know i dont think you can say it is all about anyone thinking because it is so many Different Things as it is. And in terms of the show the way we treat it in the show because there is so much diversity a fraud diversity of ideology such a raw huge spectrum of ideas around arranged marriage for some folks you know with think it is quite simply somebody that you know and whos known you for a long time whether its a Family Member you know you know or i match maker or somebody whos involved in the process of finding your life partner for many people that is the extent to what you know the definition of arranged marriage is this simply involvement somebody has no meal for a long time for others it is you know both the stereotypical you know thing that we that we hear the you know you choose your husband or your wife or you you meet them on your wedding day you know kind of thing so theres a huge range between those 2 things 1st 2 ideas and we tried in the show you know leaving a part of the absolutely most progressive traditional you know aspect of it which i think dont happen as much in the main not the major cities and that sort of urban middle and upper middle class and certainly not as much in the sort of an i community anymore we did try to show as many diverse points of us possible around the idea of marriage and arranged marriage. And then leave it to all you like to my jewish media and as you hear just put this to you because like i feel this is really important and something that may be open overlooked some of the audience when you shes asking whether it was any loosely representation in the media matchmaking. Or so for the for them thing because we had it was the 1st season of the show and we had a very limited pool of people who actually even willing to participate much so so we had to go with people who are willing to go through this traditionally very private process on t. V. For a t. V. Show and that limited our. Pool of people very dramatically and then we have to then from that have to filter for people who are going to be honest about the process who are going to try to play a tape or you know play up you know a certain personality for t. V. We want to people who are authentically in the process speaking Life Partners that are so blocked and within that we try to go for as much diversity you know ideologically and in some of the background as because how come so thats what is the reason that question question came from omniscient he should receive if i make it to be true t. V. Series so netflix right now indian much making 8 episodes you can kind of watch in the whole night alfie how i know that. Somebodys not so much conversation about so many issues about contemporary i belong to a traditional marriages in india and around the continent now hes a connection fool thats taken. Not if you want to. Know. Who we are one that. Promotes its products. And the 2nd one is feeling element is those who are not cost. Hundreds parliament dollars or People Like Us or our. Partners you our home one of the concerns i continue to have is how complection height divorce really continued to be used against south asian women in trying to find a life partner at the end of the day were really looking at it collectivist versus individual list approach to marriage and whichever way People Choose to go my hope is that it is a dignified and respectful process where they need them to leave princeton to move upsize home to the masses i dont think that makes much of a trance what matters is how good is your relationship i had a lawyer who managed an indifference marriage and i see and end of the day what matters is how much freedom you make your marriage who are you should have a mutual love under strict am who should who need to require masses and 2nd presence what matters is how stupid are not how you grew up together. You would accuse me of one not a question going to give you a noble and. Sure match making actually. Absolutely there is not a. I think so weve had 10 years of data to support that now ill go back to kind of some of the comments that have been made previously and i think the last the last person rush machine she kind of touched on what i want to say i mean historically when you had the idea of the arranged marriage expectations of a very very clear this you know this expectations around adjustment which has become a real bad word or sacrifice however if you use adjustment or sacrifice in a normal context in a western society these are not bad things these are sort of virtues because in the indian framework in the indian context they are there singular to the woman to adjust and to kind of completely from the from taking a new 1st name taking a new flask name changing the way you dress the way you eat the way you go out it has sort of tainted the in a idea of sacrificing and adjusting for your partner which actually if it partners are on equal terms thats what it will take for any 2 for any relationship to work whether its colleagues or you know mentors or or whatnot what do you keep difference here is i think. Indian society the young the young indian population has progressed and particularly on off on the for for women theres been a quantum leap both in terms of professional responsibility social Independence Day ability to just educate yourself and then do something with it so theres this weird expectation around having a highly educated partner a lot highly educated what but doing nothing with that education safe if there is a bit of room for 2 people to explore and this is the crux of like are the companies propositioned its that space to get to know each other without sort of over committing so arranged marriage becomes really had because when 2 people actually meet 2 families are involved uncles a lot of communiques exchange in both sides and becomes a very vested decision when those 2 people meet whereas if a guy and a girl still meet in an arranged marriage setting but they have the room to explore that relationship over several months or a year like like they would because expectations of individuality have progressed theres a shot at it working. So now that it is now over but youve made a very good case arranged marriage damages that morrow thank you panel and also thank you sweetie im going to show you Something Back here on my laptop we have an. Instagram series that always happens about an hour. So this is the edge of a steam Instagram Page at a jet stream very easy to follow this is happening now as Instagram Page very easy to pull out and a wednesday at 6 think that he g. M. T. Need to see happen or the indian match making to us on the a. J. Stream instagrams that is at 16 g. M. T. He cant make you know planes a 60 thank you and me to educate a student in sudan on the funny or thank you. From fossil fuels to. 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